How to live after divorce. 7 practical tips. Article. Gender psychology. Self-knowledge.ru

Every woman experiences leaving a relationship differently. Someone is sad, someone rushes into revelry, and someone chooses the most difficult path: introspection and work on mistakes.

This whole situation reminds me of a heroic stone at a crossroads. If you go to the right, you will lose peace. If you go to the left, you will lose yourself. If you go straight, you will fight a terrible monster.

I managed to go down every “slutty” road. I had to work hard with my inner world to find the right path. You don't have to recognize every path and nook and cranny. Like an experienced topographer, I place dangerous icons on the map. I describe three situations of dealing with unexpected status.

Reasons why I can’t improve my personal life after a divorce

Reasons why I can’t improve my personal life after a divorce

Feeling lonely

It often happens that after the stress associated with a divorce, especially if it was difficult, in the evenings, when the bustle of the day dies down, a feeling of complete loneliness in this life may come over you. This is often why you cannot improve your personal life after a divorce. Memory “slips” memories that cause sentimental sadness and make you want to cry.
In order not to succumb to this feeling, you just need to start taking actions, even if at first automatically. The first thing is to rinse your face with cool water, then, having cheered up a little, either firmly occupy the telephone line with a conversation with your best friend, or (even better) go to visit her.

Feelings of loneliness
2. Feelings of jealousy

It is possible, of course, that this is not so much jealousy as echoes of memories that this person was once yours and only yours. Therefore, a situation is quite possible in which, having met him with someone else, you will feel an indomitable desire to be sarcastic, to put his companion in an unsightly light, to say offensive and caustic things. It is also possible to take such a radical step as deliberately intimate communication with the first man you come across, and all this just to prove to him that you are not alone either.
Do you need it? What will you prove by this besides the fact that you still care about him? Therefore, the correct behavior would be to remember that you broke up, and now both are free people who have the right to do as you please. Indifferent politeness and tolerance are all you should force yourself to feel at this moment.

A surge of nostalgia

It can be caused by any things, music, smells that remind you of the past. Do you still have his toothbrush?
Throw it away mercilessly - he has been using a new one for a long time. Hide all the photographs in which you are shown together in a distant drawer, and do not take them out, no matter how much you want to.
If possible, avoid places where you can meet your ex-spouse; a chance meeting will not bring joy to either of you.

Feeling bored and routine in life

Do you move along the “home-work” route and, apart from it, do not “turn off” anywhere? You need to immediately fill your life with a lot of surprises that you denied yourself while married.
Did you rush from work to the store, wondering in your head what you could feed him for dinner? Now hurry to the hairdresser and get a new haircut, go to the cosmetics store and buy yourself some new lipsticks, stop by the boutique and update your wardrobe. Now you must think and care only about yourself.

Routine and boredom

Digging into yourself

Stop trying to analyze the situation and think that at some point you could have acted differently and things would not have come to a divorce.
Firstly, it’s not a fact that this could be, and secondly, if your relationship has already reached the stage of rupture, it means that it has exhausted itself. Therefore, trying to go through every word in search of dubious errors is the stupidest thing you can do at the moment.
You acted as you saw fit, therefore, your decision was not only correct, but also the only possible one.

Moments of despair

If you suddenly feel like everything is very bad and your divorce is a real tragedy, it’s better to think about the partners you had before. Those relationships also ended, and to you, perhaps, these separations at that moment also seemed like a tragedy. And what? You don’t perceive them like that now, but remember them without despair and sadness. It will be so this time too.
The best way not to fall into the state of an eternally whining and grumbling sufferer is to imagine someone you know who whines about every reason. Do you really like it and want to make the same impression?

Despair is not uncommon

Excessive bravado

Have you convinced yourself that you have left the past behind you and that in any case there can be no return to the past, that you are absolutely sure that you can call your ex to “just chat”?
Firstly, such an idea already suggests that you are still not indifferent , and secondly, such self-confidence is fraught with the possibility of new meetings and, quite possibly, a relationship with someone with whom you were able to part with such difficulty.
Such “new old” relations have no prospects, because it is impossible to enter the same river twice (or in isolated cases). But of the stress and suffering on your own.

Psychological aspects

According to psychologists, the main “block” that blocks the path to the perception of new things is precisely the fear of change. And they name the following reasons that give rise to such fear:

Emotions and feelings associated with previous relationships have not yet cooled down and continue to “hurt”. Active communication with children and doing what you love will help drown out this pain, which will increase the number of positive emotions. But new relationships during such a period are simply contraindicated, since they will be superimposed on a bad emotional background.
Analysis of your own mistakes, feelings of guilt, low self-esteem - this can happen if you delve into the past for too long, looking for mistakes. Instead of tormenting yourself with far-fetched mistakes, cultivating your own inferiority complex, it’s better to immerse yourself in work.
“Eating” grief – when a woman tries to compensate for negative emotions with something tasty. This will only lead to loss of shape, problems with weight and appearance, which in turn will lead to new complexes and the same negative emotions.
Attempts to renew a relationship are the “sin” of many women, and often it turns almost into mania. The more often you catch yourself wanting to call or meet with your ex-spouse, the more decisively such attempts need to be stopped. Moreover, even to the point of turning to psychologists, if through your own efforts you cannot get the past out of your head.

What should you do to improve your personal life after a divorce?

What should you do to improve your personal life after a divorce? Having come to your senses and calmed down after the shocks associated with the breakup, you should think and determine for yourself what caused the breakup. Understand what mistakes could have been avoided, where you yourself were wrong, and where your partner behaved incorrectly.
The main thing is to conduct such a detailed analysis not in the first days after a breakup, when the pain of resentment is still fresh, and an objective assessment of the situation is out of the question. You need to wait for time, calm down and “cool down”, then you can really look at the past.
To improve your personal life after a divorce, count how many benefits you gained thanks to the divorce. You can spend money at your own discretion, without coordinating spending with your spouse and without explaining to him the need to buy new tights. You have ceased to be a home laundress, a cook, or a seamstress. You can now date the man you like without any obligations to him, and what’s more, you don’t need to be afraid of scenes of jealousy and scandals.

Feel the benefits

In addition, by finally throwing away the burden of past relationships (or better yet, mercilessly cutting them off along with unnecessary sentimental memories), you can focus on what you expect from the future. To do this, you need to write a detailed description of the man you would like to see next to you.
Write down not only the advantages that your potential chosen one must certainly have, but also possible disadvantages.
Why the disadvantages? Because you have already taken off your rose-colored glasses and look at life realistically, realizing that there are no ideal people in the world, consisting of solid pluses.
So figure out what shortcomings of a man may be acceptable to you, and what you categorically do not agree to put up with. Then you will be able to quickly understand (after several meetings) whether you can be happy with your new chosen one or not.

To improve your personal life after a divorce: is it necessary to immediately build a new relationship?

Is it necessary to build a new relationship immediately after a divorce? There is no need to rush with this. Give yourself a break emotionally and take care of yourself, your beloved. Devote all your free time from work to what you want. Perhaps these are beauty salons and hairdressers, fitness centers or swimming pools.

Take care of yourself

Or maybe what you want most is to just lie on the couch with an interesting book, covered with a cozy warm blanket. Or, on the contrary, have an active rest by going to the mountains or to the sea.
Do exactly as you want - you must realize that you and only you are now the mistress of the situation, only you make decisions. Now you can only take into account yourself and your desires - fully experience all the advantages of this status and do not rush to change it.
To improve your personal life after a divorce, tune in to a wave of positive perception of life. After all, right now you can handle all those activities and things that have always been interesting, but previously, due to family responsibilities and problems, you never had time for them.
So there is an opportunity to remember all the hobbies abandoned due to chronic lack of time, and finally meet old girlfriends and friends. It is very good during this period to immerse yourself in work headlong - if you are carried away by it, then, believe me, your inspired appearance, happy smile and sparkling eyes will attract the attention of men to you without any additional effort.

Meet your friends

And on the contrary, the more you think about the need to build new relationships, the stronger this desire will be reflected in your eyes. And this is exactly what men understand very well at the level of intuition (yes, men also have intuition, and no less than women!).
Realizing that he is simply “openly hunted,” a man is unlikely to want to continue the relationship; rather, he will avoid you in every possible way.

Learn to cope with pain

Compare mental pain with physical pain. It is unlikely that you would ignore the latter. The rules for dealing with physical pain are very clear: first you need to diagnose the cause of its occurrence, then take a painkiller and only then begin treatment. The same should be done with mental torment.

Like from an expensive coffee shop: making an orange Frappuccino

Not only tasty, but also very healthy: prepare strawberry-ginger lemonade

I wrap cabbage rolls and stick them vertically into mashed potatoes: pie recipe

The reason for the pain is clear - it is the divorce itself. All that remains is to find out exactly why the breakup hurts you so much. Your loved ones will be your pain reliever. Don't shut yourself down if you feel bad. Don't accumulate negativity. Meet with friends who are willing to listen to you. Avoid those people who will blame you for all your sins. Toxic communication will only make you feel worse.

Treatment is the most difficult process, do not expect that you will be able to get rid of mental pain quickly. Therefore, be patient and try to look only forward.

How to improve your personal life after a divorce, how to behave with men?

First of all - natural and relaxed. Be yourself, listen to yourself and act as you want, not someone else. After you have cooled down from your emotions and rethought what you have lived through, you should not show negativity towards your ex-spouse, either in communicating with him or in talking about him.

Act natural

If you appeal to the sympathy of your new men, talking about what a despot and scoundrel, lazy and generally worthless person your previous spouse was, you will only alert your new acquaintance, or even frighten him.
By complaining about his predecessor, you thereby create in a man an image of yourself as a grumbling, always dissatisfied and whining neurasthenic woman. Will he want to start a serious relationship with such a special one (given that men put their own sense of comfort and tranquility above all else) is a rhetorical question.
You will make a much better impression if about the reasons for the divorce , without insults or accusations against your ex-spouse. In this case, there are always universal formulations such as “dissimilarity of views and characters” or “the relationship has come to its logical conclusion.”
A little advice to those women who have already felt ready to improve their personal lives after a divorce: do not rush headlong into the maelstrom of feelings, especially if your new partner is the same type as the previous one. In this case, unfortunately, there is a risk of repeating the path already taken, making the same mistakes and ultimately arriving at the same result.
Study your new acquaintance thoroughly, and if you find in him the qualities that caused your quarrels and misunderstandings, then it is unlikely that the new relationship will turn out differently than the one that just ended.

Allow yourself to be sad and express your feelings

Divorce is very stressful. You probably won’t want to share your pain with your loved ones; you will begin to withdraw into yourself, ignoring your feelings and emotions. But dealing with stress alone is difficult. Don't keep anger, resentment and sadness inside, throw them out to feel better.

Cry if you feel like crying. Don't hold back your anger, otherwise it will begin to destroy you from the inside. Tell your loved ones about your feelings, they will support you with warm words and share your grief.

How to recover after divorce?

Before thinking about how to improve your personal life after a divorce , it is important to recover from it. The main thing that psychologists advise to do in the first days after a divorce, when the feelings are the strongest, is to “let off steam.”
In order to relieve accumulated stress, any “available” methods are suitable, such as breaking dishes or playing sports to the point of exhaustion. You can “cry out” your grief either to your best friend or mother - this also helps.

Let off some steam

But what definitely won’t help you, but will only aggravate your already tense state, is to go all out. Unfortunately, it happens that after a divorce, a woman either begins to abuse alcohol, thereby “drowning” her stress, or uncontrollably rushes into new relationships, moreover, with several men at once, thereby trying to convince (primarily herself) that that she is in demand and desired. In addition, it is unacceptable to lash out at friends and relatives, and even more so to take it out on children.
As for the ex-husband, attempts to “revenge” him will look ridiculous and helpless. Moreover, in such cases, everyone immediately understands which way the wind is blowing, so there is no need to stoop to such petty actions, which, moreover, will not bring you any benefit.

In general, a woman should remember that after the shock associated with divorce, a state of depression may begin. You should be prepared to resist this phase in order to prevent it from completely “consuming” you. The sooner you cope with a depressive state, the sooner the manifestation of the so-called residual phenomena will end, when from time to time a bitter memory may come flooding back or suddenly you just want to cry.

the stage of completing the old and outdated will begin for you which will clear space for new relationships that will be built not on sentimental nostalgic emotions, but on readiness for a positive perception of the new.

How to start a new life after divorce: tips

Clearly define goals that you have always wanted to achieve and were unable to do before. Now that you are free from the obligations and household duties of your wife, you can do it!
Plan the steps you will take to move towards your goal and follow your plan.
Set yourself only realistic, achievable tasks so that you don’t have a reason to give up and cultivate a loser complex in yourself.
Change your appearance with your hairstyle and wardrobe, but don’t forget about the need for internal changes. Analyze what you don’t like in the environment around you, in your life, what you would like to change. Try to change at least what depends on you: your job, the interior of your apartment.
Communicate as much as possible - this will prevent you from feeling a sense of isolation from the outside world and loneliness. In addition, you will receive support and possibly good advice.
Don't let yourself get discouraged, rather pay attention to those who need your support. For example, if your parents divorce, it is the child, and not you, who has the hardest time psychologically. So direct all your mental strength not to whining, but to support your own offspring.
Use psychological techniques that can be very effective. For example, try to remember the feelings you experienced when your spouse hurt you. You don't want to relive them again, do you?

Don’t be sad, but live life to the fullest.
The main thing that is important to know in order to improve your personal life after a divorce is to perceive divorce simply as an objective reality, as another stage of your life that has already been passed. The sooner you close the page of the past, the sooner you can open a new one - clean and ready to write a new novel on it.

Useful articles about relationships:

Should I give a second chance to a man, a husband after cheating, a friend?
17 reasons to leave a man, even if he swears love
Why does my husband always manipulate the divorce?
Conspiracy to divorce your husband - when and how to do it
How to survive a difficult divorce as a woman

What should you think about in the end?

What exactly to think about? For example, do you like yourself? Do you like the life you are living? Have you realized all your desires? Don't think about your partner who felt the need to offend you. Start thinking about who you are and what you have achieved in the end. Do you like your appearance? No? Then start transforming your appearance. Do you like the life you live? What is missing from it? Start working on making your life the way you want it to be. What desires have you not yet made come true? Stop wasting your time on an ungrateful and unworthy partner, it’s time to start realizing your goals.

Stop thinking about the one who underestimated you and didn’t want to love you. Now think about yourself. Don’t do to yourself the same way as your partner did, don’t forget about yourself, your beloved. If not your partner, then at least think about your desires and happiness. Start doing what you want to do to make yourself admired, your life to be happy, your environment to support you. Start creating your own destiny. And for this you need to be tough and focused: be like this, live like this and surround yourself only with those people who correspond to your ideas about a happy life.