Our life consists not only of holidays and positivity. Sometimes it is shaken by scandals, feuds and disagreements. After negative emotions have been poured out and the mind has cooled down, we ask ourselves the question: how to make peace after a quarrel. And most importantly, do this as comfortably as possible, without humiliation and entreaties.
It doesn’t matter whether the conflict happened yesterday or has been going on for years. Perhaps time does not heal, but the resentment remains and does not provide a path to reconciliation.
How to make peace with your loved one if it seems like there is no chance of being together read here >>>
I am sure that such an unpleasant situation has happened to each of you at least once in your life, when you are in a quarrel with a loved one. There are cats scratching at your soul, and you sincerely want to improve your relationship.
And it seems like the fault is not yours and in your heart you have forgiven the person, but something is preventing you from resolving the conflict.
Or perhaps you want to make amends for your own guilt and start communicating again with the person you once accidentally offended.
If you are interested in how to make peace after a quarrel with your husband or girlfriend, or you are worried about how to make peace with your parents, read this article.
I have collected several techniques for you that will help you get out of the conflict beautifully and with a light heart. Establish relationships with loved ones quickly and harmoniously.
You don’t have to humiliate yourself, be the first to make contact, or give up the idea of renewing communication.
You just need to calmly follow my recommendations from this article. And very soon, you will establish relations with the conflicting party.
These bombing techniques are versatile. They will help you establish relationships with any people:
- Parents
- Girlfriends
- Beloved
- Colleagues
- Management
- Neighbours
- Former
Any!
But first, you should calm down and accept the situation. Do not under any circumstances overwhelm yourself with thoughts:
- After this, he will not forgive me...
- I will never make peace with this man, we are now enemies!
- No, I will never be able to forgive him, after what happened!
- We haven’t communicated for ten years, now there’s definitely no sign of reconciliation...
- She hates me, too much has happened.
Please remember that there are no hopeless situations, do not worry that you will not be forgiven or that it will be impossible to establish contact with the person.
Believe me, absolutely any conflict can be resolved, you can improve relationships with any person even after the craziest quarrel.
It is within your power to turn even an enemy into a best friend.
Therefore, if anything from the list worries you:
- How to make peace with your ex
- How to make peace after a quarrel with your loved one
- How to make peace with your husband
- How to make peace with a friend
- How to make peace with your mother
- How to make peace with your father
- How to make peace with your parents
This article is definitely for you.
It's time to stop worrying about your relationship with someone and remember the terrible details of the conflict after which you said “NO to reconciliation.”
I want to prove to you that reconciliation is possible, even inevitable, if you follow my recommendations.
So, let's go!
Take control of your feelings
The best option is not to escalate the situation and not take it to extremes. After all, most often, in the heat of the moment, you can accidentally offend a person, without even setting such a goal. It’s hard to restrain yourself at first, but at some point it becomes a habit. Start controlling your feelings and thoughts right now, and you will be surprised how dramatically everything around you will change.
This technique can also be used during a quarrel: if you have a constructive conversation, the interlocutor will automatically switch to a calmer, more restrained tone. As a result, neither side will add wood to the flaring “bonfire”, and the dispute will gradually fade away. Then there will definitely be no grievances and the need to go out with a “white flag” will disappear completely.
How to calm down and stop being nervous - advice from a psychologist
You can search for options on how to calm down if you are very nervous for a long time and carefully; you will discard some because of their duration, some because of inaccessibility, some because of reluctance. In fact, you can deny it for a long time and with the help of any excuses, but in practice there are a sufficient number of ways to cope with frayed nerves quite simply and quickly.
In the fight against nervousness, sports, physical activity and generally working with the body are an invaluable ally, since it is the somatic side that takes the maximum part in responding to the resulting nervous tension, changing the hormonal balance and processing the splashed adrenaline. Incorporate into your daily routine, if not a full-fledged workout, then exercise or walking, instead of sitting in front of the screen and taking public transport. The more movements you make, the more opportunity your nervous system will have to process accumulated tension. After a difficult conversation or an unpleasant event, when the passions inside have not subsided, it will help to throw out negative emotions by jogging or punching a punching bag, and then you can arrange a relaxation session in the form of stretching, massage, or lying quietly and consciously relaxing the muscles.
In addition to physical activity, our body, and therefore our psyche, depends on water metabolism and the fullness of the body. The common advice to drink water, no matter how funny it may seem, is one of the most effective, even in situations of serious and extreme stress. During an adrenal crisis, the body requires more water to normalize the level of the jumping hormone; you can add a sweetener to the water, since stressful situations involve increased brain work to find a way out of the situation, and this work involves the absorption of glucose. Replenishing the hydrolysis and glucose balance helps the body return to normal faster. In addition to crisis conditions, drinking ordinary water helps to avoid dehydration (an almost universal phenomenon in the modern world), which, at its most pronounced stage, increases the experience of anxiety and fear. In general, focusing on the needs of your body and a subtle sense of its changes can suggest your personal ways to quickly calm down and not be nervous.
In a situation where you are nervous right now, and you need to react calmly, try to distract yourself from the words and intonations flying in your direction and concentrate on something extraneous. You can control your inner attention not only by directing it into conflict, but by switching it to considering the details of the cut of your neighbor’s jacket and thinking about where to get the same buttons, you automatically leave the nervous situation by a few percent. Ideally, the annoying situation must be left completely, and not just mentally, i.e. if you meet your ex at a party and cannot react calmly, then leave; if a boor gets into the habit of unsettling you with comments on social networks, then ban him. Trying to endure and trying to create an imaginary image of a well-mannered person should not be confused with adjustments and the desire to be comfortable. In any situation, your living space and mental well-being are your concern and responsibility; superheroes will not appear to save you from hassle.
If, after getting out of an unpleasant situation, your nerves are still stretched like ropes, then you can deal with the remaining tension by immersing yourself in other matters. You should choose them in such a way as to be completely carried away into another world - watching a movie is unlikely to work here, because the same mental replay of events in your head will continue as without it. A sports game, unraveling intrigue among friends, traveling to the suburbs to get new photos - active, dynamic, captivating you completely and lighting the fire of excitement.
Crying and laughter help you stop being nervous - with the help of the first, you release excess tension and get the wonderful result of mental lightness after half an hour of sobbing, while other methods can take a day; and with the help of the second (especially sarcasm, irony, black humor), the situation decreases in importance, and perhaps even acquires new contours and nuances.
Study how your personal nervousness works, what bothers you, and what helps you stay normal. You can try to exclude situations that threaten your peace of mind, edit them into acceptable forms, or prepare for them. Naturally, being fully armed and never freaking out is beyond anyone’s control, but you can minimize the damage by studying, exploring your own inner world, sore spots and blind spots, as well as engaging in preventative ongoing support for the state of the nervous system. Maintaining and taking care of yourself is not difficult and includes fairly general principles of healthy eating and saturation with various microelements, maintaining an activity regime, taking care of the quality of sleep and rest.
Go on holiday together with mutual friends
The warm atmosphere calms and puts you in a peaceful mood. Especially when there are no irritants around, there is no need to rush anywhere or solve urgent matters. In such an environment, you can have a heart-to-heart talk and come to a rational decision. And if something suddenly turns out to be wrong, friendly support is always ready.
On vacation, everyday problems are forgotten, and the world seems much simpler. The surrounding landscapes have no less beneficial effects - it is not without reason that scientists have recognized their calming effect on the nervous system. Nature helps to rethink old situations, due to which the very view of things changes to some extent.
Give a pleasant surprise
Sometimes this is a completely good solution. Moreover, the opposite side rejoices not so much at the offering, but at the attention and the first step. This technique helps when the quarrel involves close people who can afford a familiar attitude. Unexpected gifts are suitable for mitigating mild conflicts - family conflicts that arise on everyday grounds.
But if the situation is more difficult, it is better not to give anything - this will most likely be perceived as ingratiation and will cause rejection. In the latter case, there is a risk that the person will not take anything, and the quarrel will only take new turns. In general, be guided by the situation.
Ask for forgiveness
If you are truly at fault, ask for forgiveness. It is not necessary to remember step by step all the stages of the conflict and explain your reaction to each of them - this is a dangerous path from which you can again slide into a quarrel.
But be sure to let the person know that you are upset that you hurt his feelings, and you care about how your relationship develops. Accept responsibility for all the unpleasant emotions and feelings that your loved one experienced because of you. Try hugging him gently, if he allows, or touching his arm - establishing some kind of physical contact.
Write a letter
Some find it difficult to prepare long, emotional speeches: a stupor arises in the conversation, stuttering begins, which is why the thread of the narrative is lost. This, by the way, incredibly irritates the interlocutor, who not only will not listen, but will be even more offended, mistaking the conversation for a continuation of the argument.
It is better to express your thoughts in writing - clearly, concisely, structured. This way there is a greater chance that the person will understand you completely. Especially if you are obviously right in the current conflict or sincerely repent. The main thing is to have something to say.
Place the paper under the door, hand it over personally or through someone - there are many options. You can, of course, use the Internet. However, a greater desire to open the letter will arise at the sight of a carefully folded piece of paper.
Stopping a violent quarrel
First, don't let it start, if possible. A stormy quarrel is only useful if it is not possible, but managed to be avoided.
Secondly, make sure you are in shape. Only a good-looking woman can afford violent passions. If you have dyed hair on your head under a plastic cap, and a thick layer of nourishing cream on your face, the dramatic scene in your performance takes on a distinct bazaar accent.
Breathe in and out a few times before you start speaking. Keep your hands busy with something (practice shows that arguing while knitting in your hands or while washing dishes is quite difficult). Do you still feel like a major scandal is brewing? Try to defuse the situation by postponing the conversation. Sometimes a few words are enough: “I have a lot to do, now is not the time to start a long conversation”; “Let's discuss this later”; “Let's put off the showdown until later”; “I think we both got carried away”; “I’m not in the mood to argue”; “You’re probably right, but I see this problem differently.”
If your husband himself would rather sit in front of the TV right now, these lines will allow him to retreat without compromising his pride.
But IT happened. You had a fight, and how! You will immediately forget all the advice on “how to quarrel correctly” in the midst of a quarrel, but try to remember a few forbidden tricks - if you use them regularly, I hope you have concluded a marriage contract with the most favorable conditions for you in case of divorce. (You will need this soon (see Table 1).
| Table 1 | |
| These things should absolutely not be said, no matter how angry you are. | Explain why ? |
| Look better at your mother (you are no better than your abnormal brother, loser sister; your father’s hands don’t grow from there either) | Very disappointing. If you don't understand why, there's no point in explaining. |
| You always... (you never...; and in general, it’s always the same thing with you) | His reaction: “Well, if you think so...” Make specific claims, then you can expect specific changes in a person’s behavior. Don’t “program it” - otherwise it will actually become what you say. |
| That's it I'm leaving!!! | You can only say this if you really mean to do it. If deep down you understand that this is just a threat... One terrible day you can hear the answer: “Okay, I’ll help you pack your things.” |
| You should never mock your partner’s intelligence, sexual abilities and secret habits. | This is perceived as a betrayal - after all, the person trusted you, revealed himself to you. It’s almost impossible to forgive such an offense, and in any case you risk acquiring a reputation as a bitch. |
The less you use words like “idiot” in the midst of a scandal, the less similar expressions you will hear in response. It is ideal to talk not about the qualities of the enemy, but about your feelings: not “you, brute, insulted me,” but “I’m terribly offended to hear this from you.”
Is sincerity necessary when trying to reconcile?
No. In this case it is rather harmful.
I mean that very often the desire to say everything to the end can provoke a new round of quarrel. In order to get out of a conflict correctly, you rather need the ability to control yourself. Therefore, the general rule is this: if you can’t say something, it’s better to remain silent.
There are families in which the family principle “We never raise our voices” is a source of special, secret pride.
As I already said, a quarrel is a necessary evil if more than one (1) person lives in the same house.
Mutual tension grows, people have difficulty containing their irritation and... If you are not afraid to express your feelings and accept the feelings of your partner, you will quarrel and then make peace. What if the very thought of a loud scandal scares you?
Fear of an open showdown is usually based on exaggerating the power of anger. It seems to you that your anger is literally sweeping away everything around you. Or you are frightened by anger directed at you - as if it could cause you real harm. Most often, this happens to women - in our culture, boys are raised to be more ready for aggressive behavior.
And then you most likely choose the second option: the game of silence
.
According to the almost unanimous opinion of men, this is the worst thing an angry woman can do.
Days (and often weeks)
), spent in silence, an averted gaze, a frowning face, slamming doors and the inability to somehow break through this wall will bring your husband to a state where he will admit to anything. Because, oddly enough, you get a kind of dark pleasure from this process, but he doesn’t. (By the way, I heard that the worst thing is silence plus loud snoring. Maybe in absolute silence breathing is especially audible?
He will ask for forgiveness, express his readiness to put up with any whim, and finally fulfill all your demands. But victory, I’m afraid, will come at too high a price for you.
Use radio services
For example, a good song will pave the way for reconciliation. It is enough to know your favorite composition, the performer of a loved one - music lovers will especially like this. This solution is suitable for friends or family, that is, for those who are willing to make concessions.
Music will certainly melt the icy resentment and will be an impetus for the resumption of communication. This will also demonstrate that you know other people's tastes and remember them, no matter what. And this is always highly appreciated!
Have a heart to heart talk
It is not necessary to compose something in advance - it is enough to show sincerity and speak from the heart. They don't want to listen to you? Don't insist, come back later. Sooner or later, the words will penetrate the caustic armor and will be understood correctly.
The main thing is to state reasonable things. Do not renew the conflict or start a new quarrel, even if the interlocutor behaves quite aggressively. Be honest with others and with yourself, do not consider yourself right and do not prove it. It's better to just apologize and tell them how you feel.
GuruTest
The first step to getting out of a conflict should be to identify its causes. The reasons for quarrels can be varied: bad mood, stressful situations in life or tension, even betrayal or lies. You need to understand whether the reason for the misunderstanding is serious or whether the two simply accumulated grievances against each other and were unable to talk calmly.
Once the reasons for the disagreement have been established, you need to choose a further course of action that will help solve the problem most effectively. It is also necessary to think about what exactly needs to be said and in what form, because the other person’s reaction largely depends on the wording.
How to make peace after a quarrel
Understand the other person's position. For this to work, you need to forget about your emotions for a while and think about the motives and desires of another. You should not blame yourself for everything and consider the person to be right. You need to maintain self-respect, but also understand the feelings of others. Maybe the person didn’t mean to cause harm and was simply mistaken?
Let each other cool down. This is necessary so that the quarrel does not end in mutual insults. If you understand that things are getting personal, then it’s better to avoid discussions: out of emotion, people can say a lot of things that they will later regret.
Stop blaming others. If you go for reconciliation, but continue to criticize and make claims, then the other will refuse peace. It is better to wait out this stressful time and then consider whether there are grounds for criticism and whether it can be communicated in another form.
Apologize. As a rule, in conflict situations both people are to blame; each manages to say something unpleasant and harsh to the other. To make amends, you need to apologize, and this needs to be done calmly. There is no need to beg for forgiveness and get annoyed if a person does not want to ask for forgiveness from you: just draw conclusions.
Admit your guilt. Quarrels do not arise out of nowhere, so you need to analyze your actions. There is no need to take it negatively and say that you are right and the other is wrong. It is better to treat this as a necessity that will help preserve the union.
Do something together. Joint projects and hobbies bring people together; you just need to pay attention to the fact that the chosen activity should evoke some bright and interesting emotions. You can cook an unusual dish together, go to the cinema, go snowboarding.
Make peace in person. There is no need to write apology messages or ask for forgiveness over the phone. In a telephone conversation, it is better to set a date for your meeting, where you can talk to each other in person and reach reconciliation.
Positive attitude and humor. Quite often, psychologists say that the amount of humor in relation to certain situations indicates that we have experienced them and they no longer cause discomfort. You don't have to joke too much to make someone else laugh: just a neutral joke is enough to help you defuse any possible tension.
Talk about your feelings. If you value this person, then you need to tell him about it. In a quarrel, it is easy to forget about this, because resentment and the desire to offend always come to the fore. But when passions cool down, you need to remind the other that he is dear to you and you do not want to offend him. Again, there is no need to pressure and force you to listen to you.
How to avoid quarrels?
Disputes arise for all people, simply because we are all different and have different points of view. You need to understand that the other person is not a part of you, he has his own emotions, experiences, and many quarrels are based on the fact that people do not want to see this. It is the awareness of this that helps to resolve conflict situations more effectively. The emotional intensity of conflicts very often makes people forget that they love each other and that they need to respect others.
If the other person is in a bad mood, then leave him alone: most likely, when he calms down, communication will be more productive. If he openly starts a conflict, and you don’t want this, then you can directly say that you don’t want to talk in that tone and stop the conversation. You also shouldn’t take your stress out on others: it’s better to let people cheer and comfort you, or try to cope with it yourself.
The most important thing in a relationship is to respect the other person and respect yourself. If you care about this person and care about your relationship with him, this will help you intelligently overcome disagreements and avoid misunderstandings in the future.
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14.02.2019 07:49
Wait for negative emotions to pass
It has been noticed that they are the ones who spoil relationships. Word after word - and a moment comes when it is already difficult to correct anything. Therefore, every time you feel uncontrollably irritated, drop everything and leave. Your opponent probably won’t appreciate this, but there’s a better chance of not inciting a quarrel.
Never rush to make peace if you are still on edge - such an act will not end well. Wait patiently, and perhaps the other person will cool down and even make the first move. And if not, then you will do it.
Share the list with your partner
Each partner should have a list of these phrases at hand. You can discuss with him which of the above tips you could use after conflict situations so that a stupid misunderstanding does not ruin your relationship.
Paralympian Talay without arms and legs: “the harder the fight, the greater the victory”
When toothpaste is harmful to children: permissible age doses
Only on a soft spot: Russian Domostroy forbade punishing children in any other way
Remember that you should tailor the language to suit your specific situation.
Don't wash dirty linen in public
Telling someone about your quarrel is not the best solution, even if you really want to complain to a third party. At best, you will be given advice that will be completely unnecessary. People don’t know the details of other people’s relationships, they don’t see the whole picture, so their recommendations can be harmful.
And many will even rejoice at someone else’s misfortune and try to make it worse. Besides, discussing someone behind their back is not very good. If this fact suddenly becomes known, the consequences will be dire and the quarrel will only get worse.
Ways to quickly calm down and not be nervous
First of all, you need to leave the place where the object of irritation and anxiety is located. If this is a quarrel with your loved one, then go outside or go to the gym. Even if you haven’t been there before, it doesn’t matter now. Sometimes instructors themselves notice the increased nervousness of their clients and prescribe special exercises to relieve them, but you can come up with this method yourself: make yourself a kind of pear or fill a bag with hay, then warm up thoroughly. If an attack of anger and rage is suffocating, give it an outlet on a pear or stuffed animal.
Keeping any negative emotions inside is bad for your nerves and for positive resolution of conflict situations. Divorce gives a powerful fountain of such emotions, it is important to let them come out quickly and without harm to yourself and others.
After physical exercise, it is good to accustom yourself to relaxing baths and massages, even if this is an expensive pleasure. Now you are in a special period when you need to finally take care of yourself. Depression may develop, a common consequence of quarrels and breakups. In this case, the main thing is to stop it, since it is difficult to treat. You should take a light infusion of motherwort or valerian before bed, after a walk and massage. During the day you can drink lemon balm tea. There is no need to be shy about visiting a psychoneurologist if the state of apathy drags on.
Quarrels and separations do not always have only a negative side. Sometimes this allows you to truly appreciate who is there year after year. It’s hard to find something positive when a loved one leaves, it’s hard to calm down when a quarrel has offended and touched a nerve, but perhaps this is just a test. A test that should teach you something and cannot be ignored
Fight resentment
This character trait truly interferes with living a peaceful life. While some people endure the situation steadfastly, step over it and move on, others suffer for a long time and feed negative thoughts in their heads.
You should not concentrate on the things that were said during the quarrel. Remember: this happened in the heat of the moment. Surely the person has already regretted what he said a hundred times and doesn’t think so at all. Better remember the pleasant moments together, in which everything was sincere.
And one more thing: don’t force anyone, don’t look offended, don’t reproach. Also, you should not repeat verbatim someone else’s remarks or take quotes out of context in an attempt to prove something. Patience and forbearance are the best things in a person.
