From this article you will learn:
- What is meant by the word "tenderness"
- What is the difference between male and female tenderness
- What should a woman's tenderness be like?
- How to cultivate tenderness in yourself
- Excess of tenderness - is it good or bad?
What is tenderness
Psychologists say that tenderness is a character trait that makes a person inclined to show affection towards someone, the reason for which is not sexual attraction.
Psychologists began studying the “phenomenon” of tenderness back in the century before last. Russian scientist V.A. Snegirev devoted a number of scientific works to this topic. In them he put forward a number of unusual provisions:
- Tenderness is associated with a special pleasant sensation, which reduces a person’s physical and mental activity. However, unlike the state of powerlessness and apathy, tenderness does not interfere with a person’s harmonious existence, but contributes to it.
- The triggers of tenderness are spiritual and physical agents. They even out the flow of life. When interacting with them, a person feels calm and harmonious.
- If tender feelings have arisen, then in the future they will manifest themselves involuntarily, regardless of the circumstances. Next to the object of tenderness, a person feels as harmonious as possible, so he is able to easily turn a blind eye to the real conditions of communication.
Scientific definitions can help us characterize the phenomenon of tenderness, but they are clearly not enough, since this concept is multifaceted. The ability to experience and show tenderness has been formed in humans for many thousands of years. At the same time, tenderness is perceived by us as one of the most striking manifestations of love. If tenderness disappears, warmth and intimacy leave the relationship along with it.
One of the simplest and most understandable manifestations of a woman’s tenderness is a smile. In fact, a smile is a unique opportunity for human facial expressions that we acquired during evolution. The ability to smile is one of those skills that makes humans strikingly different from animals. By smiling, we can show our kind attitude towards our interlocutor, express respect, friendly support, and, of course, love and tenderness. It is not for nothing that the attention of many poets and artists at all times has been focused on a woman’s smile, which they sang in poetry and tried to capture in portraits.
This is especially evident at the beginning of a relationship. But the happiest couples are those who were able not to lose tenderness for their partner after many years of marriage.
Tenderness is manifested through many actions, including the most insignificant ones, which we perform only in relation to our loved ones. This can be noticed when a man gets out of a vehicle and offers his hand to his companion. And the point here is not that this is how he was taught and this is how it is accepted: he just loves her and wants to show it with every move he makes.
A loving wife also always takes special care of her husband: she brews him delicious coffee while he is getting ready for work, gives him a shirt, straightens his tie. Often, manifestations of tenderness are invisible to prying eyes: two people are just sitting and talking, suddenly their hands seem to accidentally touch, but each of them experiences unique emotions.
How should a woman’s tenderness be expressed?
When we talk about the tenderness of a woman, the image of a “Turgenev girl” appears in our heads: naive, sensitive, affectionate. But not every modern girl feels and behaves this way. It happens that in a relationship with a young man who is interesting and even attractive to her, a woman still does not show this side of her nature. Coldness on the part of the lady naturally repels the man, and communication comes to naught.
The situation will be different with a girl who by nature loves to take care of someone, treats loved ones with attention and knows how to support in difficult times. Such a woman does not have to be beautiful for all men to be attracted to her. Although, of course, in a series of days that are similar to each other, when not everything is so smooth at work, and for some reason household chores are not done by ourselves, it becomes difficult to constantly show tenderness.
As a result, the once affectionate and reverent girl becomes a rude, distant, even aggressive woman. And such behavior can very quickly cause the breakdown of a relationship.
A tender attitude is a constant companion of love for a person. If a woman is in love, she does not need to try to be affectionate, she does not need to think about how to show her feelings - this happens intuitively. And if there are no feelings, tenderness can only be depicted, but it cannot be artificially evoked. Of course, this happens differently for everyone: someone is ready to kiss and hug their loved one for hours, someone behaves more restrained. But there are situations when tenderness fades away, although initially the relationship was built on mutual love.
Most often this happens over time. A married couple is no longer two carefree teenagers in love: people have work, responsibilities, problems. The love boat, as they say, breaks in everyday life. Sometimes a woman’s attitude is a “mirror” of a man’s attitude: he stopped showing attention to her, and she was tired of “playing with one goal.”
If tenderness is not natural for a woman, if it is difficult for her to show her feelings towards her partner, it is worth understanding herself and understanding why this happens. Perhaps tenderness faded into the background due to some conflicts in the family. And if you truly love your spouse, you need to acknowledge your grievances and let them go. But it happens that a girl was simply not taught to be gentle. Children who were not spoiled with affection as children usually build relationships according to the same scenario as adults.
The situation is different if tenderness as a sensation is present, but there are problems with finding ways to express it. For some reason, many women associate tenderness with various cute nicknames, and constantly call a man “baby”, “honey” or “cat”.
However, for men, such addresses are not some kind of significant manifestation of tenderness, especially if all sorts of “cutes” are heard by strangers.
It is important to understand that many representatives of the stronger sex are simply irritated by such lisping. And the worst situation is when “nicknames” replace the person’s name, and you stop pronouncing it. But there is nothing more pleasant than hearing your name from the lips of your beloved woman. If you still want to come up with some kind of affectionate nickname for your boyfriend, that’s not bad, but let it be special, connected to your story.
It’s not easy for everyone to express tenderness in words or talk about their emotions. In this case, use other methods, because feelings can be conveyed by touch and even by glance. Sometimes a warm, sincere hug means more than a hundred words. And the best reflection of a woman’s tenderness towards a man is attention and care.
Try to put yourself in your husband’s shoes and understand what he would like now. For example, after work he would hardly refuse a hot bath and a delicious dinner. Don’t forget to please your man with compliments: just notice what you really like about him, and then the words will be sincere.
Don't expect yourself to be affectionate and caring if you're worried about something at the moment, if you're irritated or angry. First you need to learn how to get rid of negativity. Find your way to deal with negative emotions: meditation helps some, while others prefer to go in for fitness.
If you not only feel a lack of tenderness, but also regularly show aggression towards others, you need to look at yourself from the outside. Do this in a situation where you had a fight with someone close to you, or yelled at your husband or child. Just look at yourself in the mirror. Most likely, you will see something not very attractive: a red face, a wrinkled forehead and an angry expression.
Do you want your family to see you like this? And it’s not even a matter of appearance, it’s just that such situations lead to the fact that family members will not even expect you to behave towards them with affection.
Watch how you move, because a woman’s tenderness is evident in every step. A good wife does not march like a soldier, she walks smoothly and easily. To cultivate natural elegance, you don't need to try to fake it. It’s better to do yoga or dancing in your free time: this will help you learn how to control your body.
Some experts suggest training your ability to express affection on pets or even plush toys. The first option, in principle, can be considered appropriate, since we are talking about at least a living being. As for toys, yes, you can like them, but it’s unlikely that you can show the same tenderness to an object as to a person. It’s better to “practice” in public right away. The more serious your psychological barrier, the longer it will take, but you need to learn step by step to open up to your loved ones.
Recommended articles on this topic:
- Manipulation, worship and narcissism: how to live with a narcissistic man?
- Phrases for dating that will make a man ask you out on a date
- Training, psychologist or psychic: where to go when everything is difficult?
How to “cultivate” tenderness in yourself
Can you remember how many times during the day you were affectionate? Not a smart, beautiful, active, professional, but rather a gentle woman? How often do you show affection towards your husband, child, family members, close friends? Nowadays, representatives of the fair sex are focused on their careers and solving many serious problems. Therefore, a woman’s tenderness is especially valued, because it has become a real rarity.
But if you can’t remember such a moment, don’t be upset. Tenderness is inherent in some to a greater extent, in others to a lesser extent, but it exists in every person. Even the most reserved and cold people are capable of sincerely loving and caring for others. If you don't show your feelings often enough, most likely you just don't know how to do it.
Such problems do not arise overnight. Usually the reason lies in upbringing, in the fact that a woman grew up in a family where it is not customary to take care of each other, support, hug and kiss. But the ability to be affectionate can be developed if you do it consciously.
- Remove internal blocks
Internal blocks are formed in childhood, when the human psyche reacts sensitively to the world around us. The child adopts the model of behavior that his parents show him. Typically, women who do not know how to show affection say that their parents were cold to each other and to them. Internal blocks that prevent people who were disliked in childhood from expressing their feelings are very difficult to overcome. A psychologist will help you cope with this problem. He will determine exactly which moments in your biography led to a “deficit of tenderness” and will help you get rid of the burden of the past. - Look for reasons
Sometimes it's much easier to do something when there is a reason. If you need it even for a kiss or a small gift, look for it or invent it yourself. This way you can put into action the tenderness that you have.
The reason for tenderness can be any action on the part of your partner. Every time he shows concern for you, thank him with a kiss or a nice word. - Say kind words
For some women, words such as “darling,” “dear,” “beloved” sound terribly unusual, since they rarely say them. Practice pronouncing the necessary epithets in front of the mirror. Then try writing something nice in SMS, and then say it out loud when you are together. It’s good if you have your own “special” words that will help you feel closer to each other. - Try to touch your loved one more often
Think of it as a kind of ritual, for example, associated with your meeting. Any pleasant gesture will be appropriate, be it a kiss or a hug. Try to touch him at any appropriate moment, as if by chance.
Train yourself to walk by the hand, not by the arm. The first option is associated with much greater closeness between people, with the absence of distance. - Practice constantly!
A woman’s tenderness is a complex, deep feeling that must be sincere. You cannot, at the snap of your fingers, begin to show the emotions that you are used to keeping within yourself, throw away all your barriers and open up to another person. Therefore, all techniques that help you become more affectionate must be used regularly. It will be difficult at first, but over time you will become more open.
Attention and affection, and the woman are yours!
For men in love and close relationships, it is important to have faith in his strength and abilities, the absence of reproaches towards him, gratitude for his care, admiration for his achievements, approval of his decisions and encouragement of his efforts. Other things are important for women, namely care, understanding, respect, devotion, recognition, and reinforcement of self-confidence.
All a woman needs is just a little attention. All a woman wants is just a little love. All you need is just a little understanding, which you will find in the lines of this article.
Below are 10 ways to express concern for a woman:
1. Keep all your promises
If you promised her something, be sure to fulfill it with honor. You need to fulfill not only big promises, but also keep your word in everyday details. Show the woman that she can trust you in all situations, both small and more significant.
2. Show her that you appreciate her
I don't know a single woman who wouldn't like to hear that she is appreciated by you. Give her a card in which you write about your gratitude for everything she does. Specify why exactly, she will be pleased to know that you notice everything she does for you.
3. Tell her how beautiful she is
In a world filled with advertisements and templates showcasing ideals of beauty, it is always appropriate to remind your woman that you think she is beautiful. This will not only reassure the woman regarding your feelings for her, but will also once again remind you that she remains beautiful to you, even if she doesn’t consider herself that way.
4. Leave beautiful notes and letters for her
I realized that the element of surprise is important in any relationship. Writing notes and letters just like that is a very interesting way of demonstrating your feelings in everyday life, which does not lose its relevance.
5. Achieve it throughout your life
Don't let routine creep into your relationship just because you have personal troubles. Only those relationships that are continuously fueled by winning a woman’s heart can stand the test of time. Don't let comfort and routine keep you from bringing in fun, innovation, and interesting moments.
6. Create romantic evenings
There should be no boring and uninteresting evenings in your life together. Make every effort to spice things up with trips to the movies or dinners together. Play something or come up with something simple but original. Make your date romantic and exciting.
7. Surprise her with a gift or flowers
Is there anything your woman has been mentioning lately? This is a great opportunity to show her that you are attentive to her words. Surely there is something that she would like to receive from you. So give her a gift - buy those cute high heels she's been sighing about, or a bouquet of red roses, Kluber notes.
8. Listen to her
Nothing says “I love you” more than a man who is attentive to his woman. Try to hear everything she tells you. Whether she talks about problems or successes, take the time to listen carefully. Such an act speaks more eloquently than any words about love. Ask her related questions. Incorporate active listening instead of passive listening.
9. Take action without waiting for her requests.
Vacuum or wash her car or even cook dinner. Prepare a surprise for her without waiting for her to tell you what to do. Voluntarily take the initiative into your own hands and show your woman that you are willing to sacrifice your time to help her.
10. Meet her friends and family
Do you truly care about your woman? Then you definitely need to meet her loved ones. Show her that you are willing to step out of your comfort zone to meet her family and close friends.
How to tell a man about your tender feelings for him
Once in a relationship between a man and a woman, the time comes when it is necessary to openly talk about your feelings. And you can make this moment truly special for both of you. To do this, you need to prepare an original confession that will help you express everything that is in your soul. You can do it like this:
- Start with small nice gifts. These could be cute but practical souvenirs, sweets or other little things. If a person cares about you, be sure that he will notice and appreciate any manifestation of tenderness on your part. Then you can include a note with your recognition in one of these gifts.
- A man will be pleased to receive a card that you made yourself. Imagine: a woman’s love and tenderness for a man will be proven by a photo on a postcard, fabric, jewelry.
Feelings are especially clearly manifested through gifts made with your own hands. Write about your feelings in a postcard, and your partner will not remain indifferent. - You can also confess your love on the radio. If you know exactly when your chosen one listens to the radio and what programs he likes, you can order a romantic composition for him or call him live to tell him about your love. You can even record a song for him yourself using amateur equipment or in a recording studio.
- The atmosphere of the evening city is conducive to romance. Take a few candles with you, arrange them in the shape of a heart and light them - this way you can show your loved one all the warmth of your feelings for him. You can also write a confession in the snow or on the asphalt.
- If you want to surprise your lover with a romantic gesture, make a confession poster and then hang it in front of his window. Just remember that to place such structures on houses you need permission from the residents.
- A woman’s tenderness and love does not always need material expression. Often the most sincere and warm words are those spoken without preparation, on the spur of the moment. If you feel that the moment has come when confession would be appropriate, just look your man in the eyes and say: “I love you!”
How to revive former tenderness in a relationship
When people just get married, they are usually overwhelmed by a feeling of all-consuming love for each other, and do not even think that any problems may arise in their relationship. But over time, problems arise for almost everyone, and it is extremely difficult to avoid this. After all, dreams of children, home improvement and warm family evenings are one thing, but in reality, living together is associated with a huge number of difficulties. Because of this, tenderness fades into the background, and one day the two discover that they are no longer as close as before. How to fix this situation?
- First of all, do not think that your love is dead and cannot be awakened. A woman’s tenderness can “fall asleep” due to the constant bustle, in which there is no time to show emotions. Just sit down and remember how good you had with your loved one. In fact, your relationship can still be the same if you remember your feelings and find the time and opportunity to express them. Consider whether your behavior has changed recently. It is quite possible that not only you, but also your partner suddenly began to miss affection from you.
- Don't expect your husband to magically behave the way you want. Talk to him, express your desires openly.
When you both understand what your mistakes were, it will be easier to correct your behavior. - The most basic advice is to mentally return to the beginning of your relationship, remember how often you showed your tenderness with words, touches and actions. Try to revive it: start spending time together, try to touch your loved one more often, tell him something pleasant, and reduce the negativity to zero.
How to get tenderness from him? Five ways
Firstly , men have more hormones than women that are responsible for aggression and toughness - thus the male sex becomes more resilient, capable of protecting offspring and its territory.
Secondly , from time immemorial it was believed that a real man should not cry, lisp and express his emotions too vividly. He's a man!
Other roots come from childhood and family relationships . If a person is not used to physical communication (kisses, hugs, touches), to tender words, if he did not have an example of loving parents before his eyes, he becomes “hard”.
Photo: pixabay.com
Although it also happens the other way around : overly caring parents caress their child so much that then he is simply afraid and embarrassed to repeat such relationships, so as not to cause inconvenience to his own loved ones, as they did to him.
In order for a man to remain gentle, it is necessary to “tame” him day after day. Only patience and gentleness will help you avoid major mistakes along the way.
Here are some ways to help your man become gentle and affectionate.
1. Be grateful for what he gives you.
Don’t demand constant attention from him, countless SMS messages, flowers and gifts - other than irritation, you won’t expect anything else in response. Instead of all this, try to appreciate every time he does something sensual, thank him for it and say that you are very pleased and great (and not “what a pity that you do this so rarely”). Try to take his side - maybe what he gives you is not so little?!
2. Be more “cruel.”
Another trap lies in wait for you when you take the entire initiative in showing affection, thinking: “I have to give him more in order to receive more later.” As a result... nothing comes of it. Moreover, he moves away even more from you.
The psychological reason for this restraint is that he is afraid of being overwhelmed, swallowed up by his own softness. It seems to you that you are setting an example for him, showing all the good things that expressions of affection bring: love, happiness, etc. He sees only harm: a feeling of his own weakness, dependence. He feels like a “rag”, “a slob”...
Pleasure doesn't only happen in bed! Photo: pixabay.com
3. Oh, the body of a man!
Tenderness begins with the body. An unaffectionate man is a man who unconsciously reduces physical contact only to sexual contact. For him, every touch has an applied sexual meaning. In order for him to become more gentle, you must destroy this “body-sex” dependence in his mind, teach him to receive and give pleasure not only in bed.
Solution: try sending him for a massage or some cosmetic treatments, or give him a massage yourself.
4. Talk to him about his problems, feelings, emotions.
Often, even the strongest and toughest man lacks basic understanding and support. If he starts talking about his feelings and experiences, then it will be much easier for him to express them towards a loved one. That is, to you.
Be weak, let him protect you Photo: pixabay.com
5. Finally, stop being an iron lady.
If you behave like a real iron lady, take the initiative into your own hands, and quickly grasp the solution to any problems, then it will be clearly difficult for a man to take care of you. Showing that you are a strong and independent woman may just scare him. After all, a man needs to feel like a protector, have the opportunity to show care, and therefore become softer and more gentle.
Therefore, when in a relationship as a couple you show your feminine, or better yet, a little childish weakness, and unobtrusively ask him to help with something, your man will feel like a real knight and at the same time a “big daddy”, who will be easier to show his feelings towards you. affectionate feelings.
Good luck and love!
Tags: couple relationships, affection, love, tenderness
What is the difference between male and female tenderness
Some ladies are sure that both men and women show their tenderness in the same way. They know from themselves what a woman’s tenderness is and how it is expressed, and they expect the same actions from their partner. But a man behaving like a woman is more of a deviation than the norm. You need to understand that representatives of the stronger sex are accustomed to showing their feelings in a completely different way.
If we are talking about traditional relationships, then in them the man acts as the leader, and the woman follows him. A man sets goals and achieves them, he takes responsibility for his family and provides for it. A woman is more involved in the house, raising children, while she relies on the intelligence and strength of her man and believes in the correctness of his decisions.
In this situation, a woman’s tenderness lies in creating in the family a psychological climate that is pleasant for everyone, a pleasant and warm atmosphere. When a man comes home, with her affection and love she helps him forget about the problems that he has to solve outside the home, and does not create new ones. A woman should be loving and faithful so that a man does not have to worry about her leaving for someone else.
As for a man’s tenderness, it is based on his strength and self-sufficiency. He becomes the protector of his family, he does everything so that his relatives do not need anything, and solves most of the problems himself.
If a conflict arises in a family, a man must take a responsible approach to finding the cause of the quarrels and eradicating it. So the husband is responsible for the well-being of his family.
A woman shows her love through words and touch, thereby showing affection for her partner. Men are usually not so inclined to verbally express feelings, but they are always ready to help their beloved and protect her.
Naturally, both husband and wife should show their tenderness to each other in bed. Sexual behavior also has its own specifics, but as for tenderness, it must be present in any case.
It often happens that a woman cannot wait for kind words from a man and concludes that “he does not love her.” But in essence, this only means that a man does not show love with words the way a woman does, which is quite natural.
The reason for this inability to understand and accept male behavior may be that in childhood the woman did not see an example of a harmonious family, where a man and a woman show tenderness in their characteristic manner. We can talk about being raised in an incomplete family, or in a family with a distorted understanding of male and female roles, where the mother is very strict, demanding and constantly tries to dominate, and the father is softer, trying in every possible way to avoid conflicts.
Remember: for a man, the main manifestation of love is not a word, but a deed. And the “measure” of a man’s tenderness should not be considered the number of sweet words addressed to you, but what he does for your general well-being. A loving man boldly takes on new things, sets serious goals and achieves them, and all this for the sake of the happiness and peace of mind of his loved ones.
Naturally, a man draws this strength precisely from a warm relationship with a woman who believes him and has no doubt that he can handle everything.
Often a man wants to show his reverent attitude towards a woman, but does not know how. He doesn’t want to destroy his courageous image with some baby talk or overly vanilla confessions. However, women will agree that if a person is not masculine in life, then such short manifestations of weakness will only decorate him.
It’s another matter if a man is passive, does not want to work for the good of the family and shifts all responsibility onto the shoulders of his companion. In this case, there is no need to worry about the loss of masculinity; it is out of the question at all. At the same time, no matter how much such a person sings about his love, since he does not show it in practice, the woman will not feel happy.
Crybaby and sissy
It is worth remembering that men need tenderness just like women. And if they don’t show it, it doesn’t mean they don’t love. It’s just that from childhood they are taught to hide feelings associated with weakness. A boy should not cry, so as not to be considered a sissy and a crybaby. He can't be hugged because he will be considered a mama's boy. Sensitivity and tenderness will only expose him to ridicule in front of his peers. Therefore, the boy grows up with the conviction that a man should not show his emotions.
When such a guy falls in love, he does not want his partner to know how defenseless he has become in front of her. A man keeps his love inside, believing that showing it is wrong for a member of the stronger sex. That is, he will tell the woman that he loves her (but only once!), and then he will simply take care of her. The very fact that he spends time with her is indisputable proof of warm feelings for him. What else, from his point of view, can be added? The man himself, in principle, loves when he is treated with tenderness. However, he does not know how to reciprocate. We will give you some tips on how to teach him this. Even if it seems like it's hopeless, it's worth trying.
How to teach a man to be gentle
A woman’s tenderness does not imply that a person should respond in kind to every manifestation of affection. But at the same time, any girl also wants to feel special attention at least occasionally. And here a problem arises: men do not see the need to express their feelings; they consider it “unmanly”. Wives are often offended by this behavior of their husbands, but do not even try to change the situation. Below are tips on how to “teach” your loved one to show affection.
- Give reasons for your request
Your partner must understand that you really need tenderness on his part. Explain that his support helps you to be more confident, your mood improves, etc. Help him see the connection between how open he is in expressing his feelings and how close the relationship is between you.
Emphasize the health benefits of touch. A person's psychological state becomes much more stable when he regularly receives the necessary dose of physical contact. This even reduces the likelihood of a heart attack. And it doesn’t matter whether we are talking about a man or a woman, and how old this person is: everyone always needs touch. - Instruct the man in detail what to do.
Voice your desire. If you want him to take your hand or stroke your head, say so directly. It may seem that then there will be no romance in this action. But if a woman’s tenderness is her nature, then for men it is a kind of skill that you can develop in this way. In addition, not every man intuitively understands what kind of gesture on his part will be appropriate at the moment. - Don't forget about reciprocity
Try to behave the way you want your husband to behave. Learn to celebrate his merits, do not forget about gentle touches, try to be attentive and delve into his problems, and do not focus on his mistakes. So to speak, teach him tenderness by your example.
The natural reaction to your tenderness will be smiles and hugs. This way you will “infect” your partner with your sensitivity. - Do not skimp on praise
Every time your man decides to show his feelings and performs some kind of romantic act, you should notice it and appreciate his efforts. Focus on how even the slightest manifestations of attention please you. For example, say that his nice SMS was the only thing that lifted your spirits during a hard day at work. Having received flowers as a gift, do not even jokingly assume that in this way your husband is apologizing for an offense that is still unknown to you. Thank him for the gift, allow yourself to sincerely rejoice. So a man will understand that manifestations of tenderness do not make him weak: on the contrary, he acts as a patron who tries to brighten up the life of his beloved woman by all available means.
How to awaken tenderness in a man
How often do we suffer from the fact that our loved ones cannot or do not want to outwardly show tender feelings towards us! But we really want our men to always be affectionate, constantly tell us kind words, and be attentive. However, for men, the concept of “tenderness” is equivalent to the concept of “weakness,” so they try to avoid all this, remaining courageous and tough.
But there is an explanation for all this: as a rule, the male sex does not behave this way on purpose, and this does not at all mean that he does not love you or does not want to understand. In fact, his “thick skin” is due to many cultural and genetic factors. And if you try a little, show patience and apply some feminine tricks, then quite soon you will be able to teach him to show his feelings and be more attentive.
He lights a cigarette right after you finish making love. He thinks he's funny when you hold his hand or kiss him on the cheek in public. After a long marriage, he still calls you by name and will never say “my love”, “my sunshine”, “my baby”. He simply cannot pronounce this word - “love”. He never asks how you are feeling. You won't get any love SMS or postcards from him. He won’t say: “Rest, dear, I’ll do everything myself.” He gives you flowers only when he knows that he is to blame for you, and gifts - only on official holidays... If this story is about you, do not be upset, you are not the only one. About 60% of women reproach their lovers for not being able to show tenderness.
Why are men unkind?
Men are no longer born gentle by nature. Since childhood, boys have been playing war, shooting at crows, fighting and offending girls. In reality, male “rudeness” has both cultural and biological roots. Firstly, men have more hormones responsible for aggression and toughness - thus the male sex becomes more resilient, capable of protecting offspring and its territory. Secondly, from time immemorial it was believed that a real man should not cry, lisp and express his emotions too vividly. Other roots come from childhood and family relationships. If a child did not receive enough affection from his parents and saw that they were extremely restrained in their everyday relationships, then subsequently it will be quite difficult for him to show affectionate feelings himself. If a person is not used to physical communication (kisses, hugs, touches), to tender words, if he did not have an example of loving parents before his eyes, he becomes “hard”. Although it also happens the other way around: overly caring parents caress their child so much that then he is simply afraid and embarrassed to repeat such relationships, so as not to be branded a “mama’s boy” in life.
Caught in the grip of their biological characteristics, on the one hand, and cultural and family traditions, on the other, men, in the end, simply cannot be gentle. At least, without outside help. A man becomes tender if a woman encourages him to do so. And even then his tenderness is a little hesitant. She needs constant support. In order for a man to remain gentle, it is necessary to “tame” him day after day. Only patience and gentleness will help you avoid major mistakes along the way.
Here are some ways to help your man become gentle and affectionate.
1. Don't bombard him with demands.
It is completely useless to torment him with questions “Do you love me?” and requests “Well, finally tell me something warm.” Such behavior will only anger the man. Don’t demand constant attention from him, countless SMS messages, flowers and gifts - you won’t get anything other than irritation in response. Never try to give an ultimatum - “If you don’t call me “kitten” and pat me on the head, I won’t cook you dinner.” Such statements will only cause aggression and resentment; he will think that you do not love him and do not want to show concern. Instead of all this, try to appreciate every time he does something sensual, thank him for it and say that you are very pleased and great (and not “what a pity that you do this so rarely”). Try to take his side - maybe what he gives you is not so little?
2. Don't overdo it with your tenderness.
Another trap lies in wait for you when you take the entire initiative in showing affection, thinking: “I have to give him more in order to receive more later.” You are exhausted to give him maximum pleasure, you think about him every minute, lisp with him and almost drown him in an ocean of tenderness. As a result... nothing comes of it. Moreover, he moves away even more from you. The psychological reason for this restraint is that he is afraid of being overwhelmed, swallowed up by his own softness. It seems to you that you are setting an example for him, showing all the good things that affection brings: love, happiness, etc. He sees only harm: a feeling of his own weakness, dependence. He feels like a “rag”, “a slob”...
3. Take care of his body.
Tenderness begins with the body. An unaffectionate man is a man who unconsciously reduces physical contact only to sexual contact. For him, every touch has an applied sexual meaning. In order for him to become more gentle, you must destroy this “body-sex” dependence in his mind, teach him to receive and give pleasure not only in bed. Try sending him for a massage or some beauty treatments, or give him a massage yourself.
4. Talk to him about his problems, feelings, emotions.
Often, even the strongest and toughest man lacks basic understanding and support. If he starts talking about his feelings and experiences, then it will be much easier for him to express them towards a loved one.
5. Be a little defenseless girl with him.
If you behave like a real iron lady, take the initiative into your own hands, and quickly grasp the solution to any problems, then it will be clearly difficult for a man to take care of you. Showing that you are a strong and independent woman may just scare him. After all, a man needs to feel like a protector, have the opportunity to show care, and therefore become softer and more gentle. Therefore, when you show your feminine, or better yet, a little childish weakness and unobtrusively ask him to help with something, your man will feel like a real knight and at the same time a “big daddy”, who will find it easier to show his affectionate feelings towards you.
Excess tenderness - is it good or bad?
Thanks to the feeling of tenderness, a woman can truly get closer to her lover and stop feeling lonely. But tenderness can be both strength and weakness.
Any person has a limit when constant attention and affection towards him ceases to be perceived positively. An overabundance of tenderness forces a person to pull away in order to be alone with himself for a little while.
At this moment we are no longer talking about tenderness, but about some completely different feeling. After all, tenderness presupposes a response, tenderness is expected and accepted with gratitude. If a woman puts the desire to express her own feelings above the personal boundaries of her partner, there is more love for herself than love for him. You should never deprive your loved one of personal space, otherwise your feelings will only irritate him.
This “violent” tenderness can be compared to the way people treat animals. They are touched by the sight of a defenseless creature, hug it to themselves and pass it from hand to hand. At the same time, hardly anyone thinks that the animal also has feelings and desires that it cannot express.
In such a situation, a person relies only on his own feelings, believing that if he feels good, then his partner also does not experience any negativity. In fact, the feelings of two people do not always coincide.
Remember that a woman’s tenderness is the ability to feel her partner, responding to his caresses, and to be in harmony with each other.
Thank you for reading this article to the end.
Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
Physical satisfaction of a man
Although men are considered the stronger sex, they also need feelings and love. The more courageous and stern in appearance, the more sentimental and vulnerable in the soul. Feminine care can relieve stress and relax after a hard day at work. However, don't overdo it. Don't turn into a "mother", there is a possibility that he will stop seeing you as a woman.
Create conditions so that he wants to return home as quickly as possible. This is not about celebrating the belly, but about showing affection and warmth. We often forget about simple human pleasures.
- Kiss your loved one when he leaves and comes home from work. Press your lips for 5 seconds longer or catch up at the threshold to smack again.
- Give her a big after-dinner hug or a snuggle on your shoulder. At the moment of hugging, the “joy hormone” oxytocin is released. At this moment, the mood rises and the warmth of a loved one is felt.
- Give your back or head a massage. Bodily touches will not leave anyone indifferent.
- Run a bubble bath and give your man time to relax.
- Such care will not go unnoticed. Moreover, if it is done daily, the relationship will change for the better.
