Pursuit of a "maniac"
The personal life of the athlete was of interest to tennis fans no less than her successes on the court. And the native of Kosice, Slovakia was able to achieve a lot: she climbed to the top of the WTA rankings for a total of 209 weeks, winning five Grand Slam tournaments in her career.
Related article Miss Charm and Right Hook. How female athletes beat men
Martina always experienced close male attention, but one guy showed it too intrusively, for which he even paid with prison. Starting in 1999, 45-year-old Australian Dubravko Rajcevic , born in Yugoslavia, began to literally pursue Hingis around the world. He called her in her hotel room on the phone, came to her house, confessed his love and demanded to start a relationship with him. He was not at all embarrassed by distances: he followed the athlete everywhere.
It got to the point that Hingis began to seriously fear for her life, hired additional security and reported the “maniac” to law enforcement agencies. “I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I didn't plan to spend any time with him. He looked at me and smiled. It felt like he was looking through me and didn’t understand what I was saying. I was very depressed, irritated by my helplessness, because I couldn’t do anything to stop him,” the tennis player later admitted.
In the spring of 2000, Raitsevich flew for Hingis to a tournament in Miami and again began to appear on Martina’s path. The police took him out of the hotel for the first time, prohibiting him from appearing here, but on the second day they were forced to arrest the Australian for obsessive pursuit (stalking). As a result, the man was sent to prison for two years, and Hingis testified against him in court, recalling all the cases of persecution.
My husband and I are fighting. What to do?
Question for a psychologist:
Hello, dear psychologists. Please, help me figure everything out!
My husband and I have been married for a little over a year, we have no children. I am 23 years old, he is almost 25. We got married for love, there was a lot of good, sincere, warm, a lot of care. These relationships are also very valuable to me because we were not just together, but we helped each other grow, motivated, supported, and rejoiced in our successes. We have discussed more than once that we are a great team! But sometimes we fail.
It happens that we quarrel, and 5 times it happened that we fought. It all started because of me. I don’t remember why we had a fight then, I don’t remember the details, but I remember for sure that I was the first to hit my husband (either he ignored me, or he called me some particularly offensive name). It didn’t hurt him physically, but the act itself hooked him. He was very offended and made a fuss (he didn’t give any change). I realized that I had indeed crossed the line and sincerely asked for forgiveness. I don’t remember how, but we made peace. I firmly decided that I would not make such a mistake again. And for a long time she didn’t allow it. But one day we quarreled, I asked him to talk, and he went to work and ignored me. I hung on him by the door (I didn’t perceive it as a blow or anything like that, although yes, in fact it was still a physical impact), he threw me off him, and since he is an athlete and physically strong, I fell on a pile of shoes and hit her head against the wall, and he left for work. I see my guilt in this, since I was the first to use physical force. But in my defense, I want to say that I didn’t act like that either, not just suddenly, he also really hurt me. Since then there have been several more similar situations. Everything developed according to this scenario: we argued, my husband shouted that he was leaving me (this is his favorite type of manipulation), he began to pack his things, I cried, asked to stay, apologized, he ignored me, I tried to hug him, wanted to talk, he this made me angry, he pushed me, twisted my arms, beat me as hard as I could on my hands.
And then, fortunately, everything worked out for us. For a long time we lived in mutual understanding, but even if there was a conflict, we resolved it like normal people. Overall, everything was excellent on vacation; we returned from there even more like people than we were before. Now our communication gave energy, and did not take it away, the good that was returned and tripled. My husband wanted to spoil me, and I wanted to spoil him.
And 3 days ago we quarreled again. After sex, the husband said that, excuse me, he would not ejaculate before the competition (they are more than a month away), since it takes a lot of energy from him. And that when I get pregnant, he won't do this with me. And he said it as a settled fact. I didn't know how to react. For some reason it was offensive. I cried, he calmed me down, showed miracles of patience, but remained his own. Moreover, now, when a couple of days have passed, I know how I should have reacted then - agree, and then he himself will change his mind after a while (it’s always like this with my husband). But because of my emotions I couldn’t react correctly. Since then, I felt somehow cold inside. The warmth that I had for him lately disappeared; I seemed to freeze a little inside. But there was also a feeling of guilt for acting like a hysteric. I bought him a gift, gave him a massage, and asked for forgiveness. However, my soul was already bad. Yesterday we quarreled again. My husband ignored me, and for me this is the worst thing!!! I asked him many times, say, to tell me: “I want to be alone, then we’ll talk,” and it would be easier for me, but he always sits and just remains silent. We are very different in this regard: I need to find out everything right away and make peace, otherwise the resentment will linger, but for him, on the contrary, it’s better to take a day, and it’s better not to discuss it at all. He pointedly turned his back to me, I wanted to turn him towards me. He threw me on the bed, held me by the throat with one hand, and hit me on the cheek with his elbow with the other. Well, then according to the old scheme: he was packing his things, I tried to stop him (I was so afraid of losing him that today I feel disgusted by myself), crawled on my knees after him, he pushed me. Halfheartedly, I managed to calm him down and went to bed.
In the morning I wake up: there is a bruise on my cheek, several bumps on my head and my entire forearm is covered in bruises. Cool look for going to work. My whole body hurts. My husband, as usual, doesn't have a scratch. I showed him everything. We had a row again. My husband choked me, pulled me by the hair, gave me a bunch of bruises, kicked me, broke me in the ass, but so that there is now bruising and bruising, and did something to my neck that now it hurts me to turn it. He broke a chair and said that he wouldn’t be here when I arrived. I didn’t beg him, I said let him go. He asked if that was exactly what I wanted. I said that I won’t walk around with bruises, let him go. This is what love is like.
At work I lie that the bruise on my face was caused by a dog. I sat and held back tears all day. And then my husband called and said he was sorry for hurting me. Wants to talk tomorrow.
I do not know what to do. Neither my family nor his family ever fought. Our dads never raised a hand against our moms. My parents would be shocked if they knew what was going on with us. I would have left him without hesitation if I knew that it was not my fault. But it is there. Everything accumulates like a snowball. I provoke him. And if I hadn’t tried to stop him when he wanted to leave, he wouldn’t have hit me. He never starts just like that, with nothing. But now he perceives everything, even if I accidentally touch him during a quarrel or walk by, as physical violence on my part and gives, as it probably seems to him, back. And when I receive, it makes me so angry that I rush to fight back before I have time to think. But here’s just one fact: he doesn’t have a bruise or scratch on his body, he’s a boxer and our strengths will never compare, that is, it doesn’t hurt him physically, it’s just unpleasant. And I’m sitting covered in bruises and I can’t straighten my neck. He and I have a different understanding of physical violence. In my opinion, taking a hand during a quarrel, hugging when a person doesn’t want to, may not be the right thing to do, but certainly not a reason to choke or beat.
I think both are to blame. I'm still hysterical. And the husband allows himself too much, behaves ignoblely and does not know how (and does not want) to resolve conflicts adequately. Is he waiting on purpose for me to reach this state? I'm afraid to put up with him. I'm afraid that if I forgive today, it will happen again tomorrow. I had never had such situations with any guy before, not in any relationship. I think he does too (despite the fact that he is, in general, a rather aggressive person).
And his manipulations also infuriate him: “I’ll leave.” I know that even if he leaves, he will return. But in these states my brain does not think adequately at all.
At the same time, objectively, we have a lot of good things in our relationship, otherwise I wouldn’t even think about whether it’s worth saving. We had fights like this 5 times, plus this last one. But every time they are more and more cruel. I love my husband, and I’m grateful to him for a lot, but today it seemed to me: let it go to hell, at least I’ll maintain my self-respect. And I want to forgive, and the bruises in the mirror do not allow me to do this. Both at myself and at him. I remember with what cruelty he beat me today and I shudder... It begins to seem that without him I would have become freer, happier, I would have literally taken off... Although what prevails inside now is not anger, but rather emptiness and disappointment. It seems to me that today I stopped seeing him as a protector, I stopped respecting him. This is such a range of feelings.
Yes, perhaps this relationship can be fixed. But are they worth the effort? And do I have these powers? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I deserve better.
Help me please. How should I behave?
P.S. Maybe I’m not healthy and have some kind of hysterical neurosis? Or is it the influence of living in a one-room apartment?
Thank you very much. In general, thank you for doing this and giving people hope.
Question author: Anonymous Age: 23
Friendship and quarrel with Kournikova
Another interesting story from Martina’s biography is a special relationship with tennis star Anna Kournikova . They knew each other since childhood, competing in junior competitions. And, although Hingis almost always defeated the Russian, this did not stop them from becoming friends. Moreover, they began to compete in tennis tournaments in doubles. At the instigation of Hingis, their duet began to be called the “tennis Spice Girls” all over the world, by analogy with the pop group that was making noise in those years.
Anna Kournikova and Martina Hingis, 2002. Photo: Commons.wikimedia.org
In two seasons they won nine tournaments until one day they had a fight. In 2000, they were invited to tour South America, where they were supposed to play exhibition matches against each other. While everything went well in Sao Paulo, Brazil, a scandal broke out in Santiago, Chile. During the play of the ball, the line referee made a mistake, and Hingis began to make claims against him, simultaneously seeking support from her rival friend. But Anna this time sided with the judge, saying that he was right. Martina got angry and after the match she started a showdown in the locker room: “Do you think you’re a queen? I am the queen!” After these words, 19-year-old Kournikova burst into tears and threw a crystal vase just donated by the match organizers at Hingis. Alla was also there , and she told the coaches: “I don’t want my daughter to play with this bitch again.”
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Later, the girls will make up and after a while they will play together again, but there will no longer be such a warm relationship between them as before. At that time, they will already be over 30 - each has their own personal life as a priority.
Olga Krivitskaya, psychologist of family relations:
– It seems that the relationship between this couple is strained to the limit. To begin with, the girl and the guy should decide on the rules of behavior as a couple. For example, talk with your partner that they will respect each other’s bodily boundaries and not use physical violence.
You need to understand that it is possible to resolve conflicts and build good relationships only when there is mutual respect and understanding in the couple. But not when violence is used as an argument.
If during a scandal you feel that the conversation is moving from a constructive direction to an emotional one, take a break. Warn your partner that you are now emotional and may say something that you will regret later. Leave the room, count to ten, and then continue to sort things out.
Try to stay at an emotional level that helps the dialogue. If this does not work out at all, then you should seek help from a psychotherapist.
If you can abandon affective ways of responding to conflict and come to dialogue, then perhaps you will be able to return the former passion and tenderness to the relationship.
In this situation, with emotional intensity and complaints against each other, I would advise you to contact a psychologist so that a specialist can help build a dialogue.
