Attachment to mother in preschool children.

Concept and essence of the term

The English psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby studied child attachment.

Child attachment is a motivational system that arises between a child and a significant adult immediately after birth. The main function is the survival of the baby.

The source of attachment is the hormone oxytocin. In women, it is released during pregnancy. After childbirth, its concentration in the blood of the child and mother is maximum. This ensures mutual tenderness and affection. This is called maternal instinct.

With a lack of oxytocin, the mother does not experience affection or tenderness for the child. Hormonal imbalance occurs against the background of organic and acquired brain damage, under the influence of stress, psychological trauma, and inadequate attachment in childhood by the mother herself.

Individual differences and attachment styles in infants

Although Bowlby believed that his theory captured the way attachment works in most children, he also recognized the existence of individual differences. Later, Bowlby's colleague, Mary Ainsworth, began studying the process of separation between infants and mothers. This is how a technique called the “stranger situation” was invented - a laboratory procedure for studying attachment.

The essence of the technique was as follows. 12-month-old children and their parent were placed in a room and found themselves separated from each other and then reunited. The result of the experiment allowed us to identify three attachment styles:

• Reliable . The majority of children, about 60%, behaved in a manner consistent with Bowlby's model of attachment. They were upset when their mother left the room, but when she returned, they actively looked for her and quickly calmed down next to her.
• Anxious-resistant (ambivalent) . Other children (about 20%) did not feel well at the beginning of the separation and became extremely upset. And when they were reunited with their mother, it was difficult to calm them down. Often exhibited contradictory behavior that suggested they wanted to be comforted while also demonstrating a desire to punish for separation.
• Anxious-avoidant . Children (about 15-20%) using this style do not seem too upset as a result of the separation and when reunited, they even avoid contact.

In subsequent years, researchers have added a fourth attachment style to this list: disorganized . It refers to children who do not have a predictable pattern of attachment behavior.

This work by Ainsworth is important for three reasons:

• First, she provided some of the first empirical evidence of how attachment behavior manifests itself in both secure and fearful situations.
• Second, she developed the first classification of individual differences in infant attachment patterns. According to her research, there are at least three types of children: those who have secure relationships with their parents, those who are preoccupied with resistance, and those who exhibit avoidance.
• Finally, she demonstrated that these individual differences are related to infant-parent interactions at home during the first year of life. For example, children who feel safe in an unfamiliar situation have parents who are responsive to their needs. Children who show insecurity in such moments (that is, anxious-avoidant and ambivalent) often have parents who are insensitive to their needs, provide little help, and rarely show care.

The influence of attachment

The first months of a child's life are full of fears and anxieties. Mom is a source of security and peace. Trust in the mother later extends to trust in the whole world. This is the significance of childhood attachment. It influences a person’s attitude towards the world in the future. If a child does not feel safe and does not trust his mother, then in the future he will be suspicious of all people.

Visual, tactile, emotional, and verbal contact with the mother is important for the child. Otherwise, the need for intimacy and security remains unsatisfied.

As the child grows up, an equally strong need for independence, activity, and research arises. Emotional attachment then performs a supportive function. This means outside support for the mother and acceptance of the child. As a result, he demonstrates independence without emotional stress.

The attachment does not have to be between the child and the mother. It arises between the child and the adult who regularly satisfies his need for intimacy and security. With age, attachments strengthen or break.

It is normal when there are several attachments or when a child’s attachment weakens. Children grow up, meet love, start families. Of course, if they were taught this, if adequate attachment was formed.

John Bowlby's attachment theories

J. Bowlby notes that mother is the main pillar of a sense of security. The baby's mother is not the source that satisfies the baby's nutritional needs. Even if the baby is well-fed and well-groomed, he may experience stress, leading to maladjustment. J. Bowlby gives the following definition of attachment: “this is one of the main systems of instinctive behavior of a baby. The functional purpose of this behavior is to achieve intimacy, close contact with someone who provides and maintains the child’s safety.”

Diagnosis of attachment

The “Stranger Situation” technique has been used to diagnose attachment for several decades. The optimal age of the child at the time of diagnosis is one to one and a half years. Mom and baby are placed in a really unfamiliar playroom. Psychologists monitor their behavior. Testing involves 8 stages, each of which lasts 3 minutes and is filmed:

1. The first and second episodes are the same. Mom and child enter the room. The baby begins to explore toys. Mom does not interfere; if necessary, she helps in a reasonable and unobtrusive manner. The child is happy and plays calmly next to his mother.
2. A stranger enters the room. After 2 minutes he begins a conversation with his mother. Normally, the child will show slight shyness, embarrassment, fear, and will approach his mother. At the same time, he will look at the adult with curiosity. A little later, the stranger invites the child to play with him. Mom doesn't mind.
3. Observers give a signal that mom needs to go out. She says a few warm words to the baby and leaves him with a stranger. Attachment makes the child look after his mother, call, and even cry. The stranger is trying to distract him with a game. This is not always possible.
4. The mother returns, takes the child in her arms, and says warm words. The baby calms down and returns to play. The stranger leaves.
5. The observers again give the signal that mom needs to leave. The child is left alone. This time he cries a lot and screams.
6. The previous stranger comes in first. Tries to console the child.
7. If the child does not calm down, the mother comes in.

This is where the diagnosis ends. Observers analyze the child’s behavior and draw a conclusion about what type of attachment is relevant in this case.

Such an observation can be carried out in normal conditions, for example, on a playground or at a party.

What are the stages of attachment formation?

A sufficient number of animals show affection, but it is considered to be at the level of instincts. This behavior model does not have a ready-made form at the time of birth. This model is implemented by neurons, structures waiting for experience, and appears depending on the experience experienced.

According to Bowlby, the attachment stage of newborns is not independent of the actual experiences that the baby faces. Bowlby identified four stages in the formation of a behavior model. These developments appear in children growing up in a favorable environment.

First stage

.
It is formed in the first 3 months of a baby’s life. Targeted for any person. Eye tracking, smiling, baby clinging and grasping
.

Second stage

.
It is formed during the period from 3 to 6 months of a baby’s life. The baby begins to identify from the people around him, first of all, his mother, as well as those who show care. Based on the experience gained, an attachment model is formed
.

Third stage

.
It is formed in the period from 6-7 months to 3 years of age of the child. For those who did not have close contact with the main person taking care of him, this phase may shift to a later date, and begins after the first year of birth
.

Signs of developing attachment behavior include smiling, making eye contact, reaching out, or making happy sounds when interacting with the mother. If the mother leaves, the expression of anxiety is crying, which appears at the stage of life at 4-6 months from birth. In 75% of children monitored by 6-9 months, attachment behavior is clearly formed.

Fourth stage

.
At the age of 3 years, the baby experiences a change in behavior. By this age, he will learn to tolerate and experience the temporary absence of his mother, and at the same time not lose his sense of peace and balance.
.

Bowlby refers to this stage as the "threshold of maturation" in his report. At this age, children are able to feel their own safety. To do this, 3 conditions must be met: First, a person replacing the mother must remain with the baby. Second, the substitute person and the mother must know each other (the baby must have seen the mother and the acquaintance together, for example, seen their conversation). Thirdly, the baby must understand and be sure that, if necessary, contact with the mother will be resumed at his very first wish or demand. Also, the child must know where his parent is now.

Types of attachment

There are 4 types of attachment:

1. Secure attachment. The child reacts violently to the separation, looks for his mother, and cries. After the mother returns, the baby rejoices and reaches out to her. He quickly calms down and starts playing again.
2. Insecure attachment and avoidant behavior. The child reacts poorly to separation. May express slight protest and follow with his gaze. He doesn't look away from the game. When he returns, he reacts with resentment, does not allow himself to be picked up, and rejects his mother. Experts consider this reaction as a characteristic of temperament and a protective mechanism of the psyche to the stress of separation. A psychophysiological examination of children with this type of reaction showed a higher level of stress hormone than in the group of the previous type.
3. Secure-ambivalent attachment. When parting, the child becomes hysterical. After returning, even his mother cannot calm him down. The baby simultaneously craves physical contact, but at the same time shows aggression: he turns away, fights, bites, and jerks his legs.
4. Insecure-disorganized attachment. There is uncertainty in the child's behavior. He either runs after his mother or towards his mother, with his arms wide open, then he stops, turns around and runs away even further. Actions are inaccurate, freezing in the process. Such a reaction usually signals a clinical case of child development or child abuse, neglect, violence, alcoholism and other parental addictions.

Childhood attachment helps the child reproduce in memory the image of a significant person, and in difficult times or during separation, turn to this image. In the future, parallel to this image, a person creates other attachments.

Important! Attachment is formed in the first year of life. Until this time, it is not recommended to send the child to a nursery or separate him from his mother for a long time.

Attachment to inanimate objects

A special form of behavior includes attachment to inanimate objects. Donald Winnicott was the first to notice and pay close attention to this form of behavior, and then J. Bowlby. These can be special objects - items of property, in many cases these are soft toys that the baby cuddles with, plays with, or cuddles to the chest at moments when he feels anxious. These items help you calm down, fall asleep, and more calmly experience a temporary separation from your mother.

It should be noted that the loss of such an item may cause a negative reaction. The emotional manifestations are similar to the symptoms of grief. It is noted that attachment to toys, inanimate objects, is formed between the first and second years of a baby’s life, but can also develop from the age of nine months.

It should be noted that the toy accompanies childhood throughout the entire evolution of human civilization. Toys perform many functions at the stage of development of the baby’s psyche and adaptation.

In the story "Winnie the Pooh", the toy plays a significantly larger role than the direct interaction between the baby and his parents. Many anthropological materials prove and confirm the importance of objects of property, inanimate toys, in the mental development of children.

Consequences of attachment

A secure attachment is formed with the sensitivity of a significant adult, attention, empathy, and consistency of actions. The mother’s anxiety, her fears and unprocessed traumas, the child’s rejection, and postpartum depression have a negative impact.

Insecure attachment entails a “me myself” attitude. Such a person does not know how to trust others, it is difficult for him to build relationships, and there are no significant others for him. Another consequence is inconsistency of character.

In addition, insecure, disturbed attachment causes:

• Risky behavior of a person in later life. As a child, he did not feel attention or any restrictions from his mother for the sake of safety.
• Social promiscuity, excessive trust, fearlessness. Arises against the background of the absence of one significant adult.
• Timidity in expressing feelings. The premise is corporal punishment, physical violence, abuse. If a child simultaneously saw his mother as a source of security and a source of danger, then in the future he will be very restrained in expressing feelings towards other significant people.
• Aggression as a manifestation of affection. If the parents communicated aggressively with each other and with the child, and denied the child intimacy, then he will decide that this is the language of manifestation of love and affection. Such children grow up to be family tyrants, rude people who cannot tolerate failure.
• Pathological cravings for food and games. It is formed in a situation when a significant adult satisfies the child’s need not with intimacy, but with food and play. In the future, a person himself will satisfy the need for intimacy with the help of food, workaholism, drug addiction, and dependent relationships.

Types of attachments

Psychologist M. Ainsworth conducted an unusual experiment, which revealed that young children behave differently depending on the type of attachment they have formed to their mother. The kids were left alone for some time with a stranger in an unfamiliar room. Then the mothers returned to the room, and the researchers recorded the children’s further reactions.

1. Some children behaved calmly and reservedly in the presence of a stranger. There was practically no reaction to my mother’s return. Psychologists believe that this behavior in children is associated with avoidant type of attachment. If the mother is usually cold with the child, he is afraid of being rejected again, so he himself does not show emotions.
2. The second type of attachment was called anxious-resistant . The child cries and is afraid to be left without his mother, and when she returns, he does not know whether to be happy or angry. This type of attachment is usually formed when parents tend to show aggression towards the baby, and then, under the influence of feelings of guilt, cajole and pamper him.
3. The third type is secure attachment . When their mother leaves, children become more anxious and restless. When a loved one returns, the child experiences joy. This is the most favorable option for the development of attachment.

Later, M. Main and S. Asch identified another type of attachment, which was called disorganized. It is formed in children whose parents are not responsive and do not satisfy their needs for care. Also, this type of attachment is usually formed in children who have been subjected to abuse and violence from loved ones.

In life you rarely encounter these “pure” types of attachments. Most often, mixed types are observed, in which one or another type of relationship between mother and child predominates.

Afterword

Attachment is a system of relationships between a child and an adult. In it, the baby learns the basics of social interaction, learns cooperation, respect, understanding the feelings of other people, love, and friendship. Attachment characteristics are passed on from generation to generation.

Lack of affection, as well as excess, are dangerous. In the first case, the child is afraid to explore the world, is unsure of himself, and feels unwanted. In the second case, due to excessive guardianship or maternal fear of being abandoned, the child grows up to be dependent. I'm sure you know the situations of unhappy 40-year-old men who are unable to part with their mother. For some reason, daughters are less likely to find themselves in such dependence.

How is this feeling formed?

The origins of any manifestations of trouble should always be sought in childhood. If an adult suffers excessively without the presence of a spouse or child in their life, and is afraid to be separated from their parents, this means that there is some problem. Perhaps when he was a child, his parents did not pay enough attention to him. And now he is trying to compensate for this dislike, trying to be needed by everyone he can: his other half, his own child. But such an omission cannot be corrected over time: everything must be done on time, and love too. It is very important to go through all the stages of love gradually, so as not to confuse the relationship later and not add unnecessary insults and misunderstandings.

Painful focus on someone interferes with development, the formation of prospects for the future, and impedes personal growth. Attachment to a person sometimes infringes on one’s own interests and forces one to look for ways to preserve the relationship. There is no need to get too attached; you need to have some personal space: live on your own and allow others to build their destiny at their own discretion.

Recommended books

Today, there are a huge number of books, articles, essays that you can read and draw certain conclusions for yourself. Some of the most popular books on attachment theory can be found below:

1. Appendix: "The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love" by Amir Levin and Rachel Heller.
2. Attachment in psychotherapy by David J. Wallin.
3. "Handbook of Applications: Theory, Research, and Clinical Applications" (3rd edition) by Jude Cassidy and Philip R. Shaver.
4. Attachment Theories: An Introduction to Bowlby, Ainsworth, Gerber, Braselton, Kennell, and Klaus by Carol Garhart Mooney.
5. Insecurities in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It by Leslie Becker-Phelps.

This part was about attachment theory, a theory developed by John Bowlby in the 1950s and expanded upon by Mary Ainsworth

and by countless other researchers in subsequent years. The theory helps explain how our childhood relationships with our caregivers can have a profound impact on our relationships with other adults.

Important!

Although attachment theory cannot explain every personality trait, it lays the foundation for a deep understanding of yourself and others when it comes to connecting and interacting with others.

What do you think about attachment theory? Do you think there are attachment styles that are not covered by the four categories? Are there any other criticisms of attachment theory that you think are valid and worth discussing? We'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.

If you find an error, please select a piece of text and press Ctrl+Enter.

Contact with an older child

How to establish a connection with a child if he has already grown up (for example, was adopted after the age of infancy)?

• Maintain physical contact: sit on your lap, hug, tickle, stroke the back and head, massage.

• Maintain eye contact. If the baby does not make eye contact, first try to establish “physical interaction” (hug, sit on your lap), then tell him that he is the most beautiful child in the world and you love him very much. If his eyes shift around while you're talking to him, ask him to look you in the eyes anyway. At this moment, try to send all the love you have through them (only briefly and unobtrusively, so as not to aggravate the psychological discomfort). Gradually increase the duration of such eye contact so that the child gets used to it.

• Smile more often! This sends a signal to your baby that you accept him and are willing to communicate.

• Respect the little person as an independent, independent, valuable person. Develop a friendly manner of communication and learn active listening. Talk to him, be there for him, especially when he needs support.

• If there are several children in the family, be sure to make time for each of them. Set “one-on-one” hours (at least 30 minutes) where you are alone with your child while the other parent or loved one takes care of the siblings. You can spend this time on anything: walks, heart-to-heart conversations, joint activities (for example, modeling from plasticine or cooking), reading at night - the main thing is that an emotional space arises between you, into which no one else is allowed. Just you and your child. This way you can create an atmosphere of belonging and strengthen mutual trust, and this is a direct path to a strong emotional connection.

• Include your child in family life through joint activities (for example, cleaning the apartment) and joint leisure time.

• Include yourself in the child’s life, show interest in his inner world, problems, interests, play with him. At 3–4 years old, children learn to build connections with other people, primarily in children's groups. But until this age, the parent is the only guide into the world of objects, concepts and social roles.

• Create rituals: family dinners on weekdays with a discussion of the past day, cooking breakfast and a gala dinner together on Saturdays, active recreation (biking, hiking) or visiting a museum on Sundays.

Detection feature

Each person can independently identify the presence of painful attachment. To do this, you need to listen to your own feelings. A frank dialogue with yourself will allow you to establish the presence of a destructive illness.

READ What to do if you fall in love with a woman: psychological reasons, scientific data and advice

A person with attachment can be identified by the following signs:

1. It seems to him that no one loves him. In fact, the problem lies in a lack of interest in opportunities that would improve relationships with people.
2. A person is not able to evaluate himself as a person. To compensate for his own love, he requires constant evidence of a good attitude on the part of his partner.
3. An individual experiencing attachment cannot console himself in a difficult situation. Temporary peace of mind can only be provided by the beloved on whom he depends.
4. To feel more confident and secure, an individual requires the presence of a close partner.
5. A dependent person does not want to work on the relationship and is not ready to accept his other half with all its shortcomings.
6. The slightest violation of the usual schedule can bring the addict out of a calm state. For example, if the husband came home 20 minutes late, the wife is capable of causing a scandal due to jealousy.

“Clinginess” does not give you a feeling of happiness even if everything goes according to plan. The feeling of loneliness next to your partner is the main criterion that you should pay close attention to when making a “diagnosis”.

Distinctive characteristics and manifestations

Love, habit and affection are often placed on the same pedestal. This is due to the fact that each of the concepts is associated with psychological dependence. But if one condition benefits the individual, then the rest interfere with life. You can see the main differences between habit, love and unhealthy hobby in Table 2.

Characteristics of dependent states:

An unhealthy hobby is a destructive feeling that prevents you from developing, depriving you of choice and a sense of happiness. A dependent person is not able to live fully.

Psychologists believe that only the fear of being alone forces people to be together without love. Because of this, the core feature of attachment is emotional suffering.