How to stop being afraid of changes in life
Change does not happen by itself. Once you take a risk, you can remain happy for the rest of your life.
Man is designed in such a way that drastic changes in life are very frightening. After all, life is much calmer if you have a permanent job, a stable income, and no major changes in the service are expected.
And suddenly it happens that you simply need to move to another city or change your job. Some people start to panic, others perceive the changes with Olympian calm.
Here is a small rating of changes that are feared or expected
Changes they fear:
- change of management in the organization where you work;
- divorce;
- the opportunity to remain alone (alone);
- reduction or dismissal;
- change of political power in the country;
- moving to another country;
- fear of losing shape for athletes and other public people;
- change in appearance for the worse, especially for women;
- large loan or mortgage.
Changes expected:
- promotion at work;
- the beginning of a joint (family) life;
- birth of a child;
- getting an apartment;
- buying a new car;
- a trip to a new country - in general, any trip.
Of course, this division is very arbitrary, because a lot depends on a person’s attitude towards life, on whether he is an optimist or a pessimist. For some, a promotion ends in a nervous breakdown, because a change in functionality is associated with great responsibility, and this entails fear, fear of this very responsibility.
Some people perceive divorce as a tragedy, but for others it is a reason to start a new life. It is no coincidence that the proverb is so widespread: “Everything that is done is for the better.” The main thing is to perceive it correctly, to see the prospect and the opportunity for self-development.
To help ease the stress of change, try the following tips.
Raise your self-esteem
Self-confidence is a quality that will help you look into the future not only with hope, but also with a smile. A person who knows his strengths and is confident in his abilities will not suffer from a fear of change. What do you call a person who hides from others all the time and is afraid to change something in his life? Jonah. This is what others will call you if you complain about your existence all the time, but don’t change anything. Before you perform any feats, you need to work on yourself and your inner feeling. Boost your self-esteem. How to do it? Write down on a piece of paper all your strengths, as well as all your achievements. Then write down your shortcomings. Do something every day to overcome your fears and inhibitions. And also don’t forget to read about your successes and personality strengths. Don't let anyone call you a failure. Act like a confident person and try to feel like you really are one. Over time, you will get used to high self-esteem, and it will become your standard form of self-awareness.
Tips for those who are afraid of change
Set a specific goal for yourself
When a person is motivated and goes towards a certain goal, he is not afraid of any changes. It is important to understand what you are really striving for, then all life’s fears will seem funny and ridiculous.
Act more and think less
No wonder there is a Russian folk proverb: “The eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing.” When changes occur in your life, you need to start acting, then there will simply be no time to think and there will be no room for fears.
Try to leave as little time as possible before taking a decisive step, and you will not have time to think - you will have to act and act decisively.
Engage your surroundings
There are suspicious people who are afraid to tell their friends about the upcoming changes so that no one will jinx it. But if you are not one of those people, then let your family and friends know about the changes in your life. Then they will be able to support you with a kind word and specific help, and they will not let you forget about the final goal.
Track your development process
If you really set yourself completely achievable goals and strive to bring them to life, then you simply need to observe the development process. To do this, it is recommended to keep something like a diary, where you note what was planned, what the result was, and what prevented you from achieving the desired result.
The last point develops the ability for self-reflection, that is, the ability not only to state the fact of failure, but also to find the reasons for your failures in order to correct everything. Such reflection is always a powerful tool for self-development, contributes to personal development and can serve you well in the future.
Take your failures the right way
It is quite natural if at first you will be haunted by failures, because you may not yet have enough experience. The main thing is not to give up, but to perceive any failure as an invaluable experience, and your own. You need to perceive your own mistakes as an opportunity to avoid similar mistakes in the future.
Any failure is a kind of crisis, a turning point, therefore, you need to look for other ways, and this is development and self-development. You learn to maneuver in the sea of life between dangerous rocks, pass difficult rapids, and sooner or later you will get so close to success that you will see the long-awaited shore ahead.
Drop unnecessary fears
Of course, you say, it’s easy to reason: throw away fear. Fear is born of the unknown, but any unknown can easily be turned into knowledge. You can ask more experienced people who have experienced similar changes. You can read what is written on the forums discussing this issue.
At a new job, you can find well-disposed colleagues who will teach you how to overcome the first difficulties. In a word, the necessary information can be easily found if desired, which means that the unknown will no longer be so hopeless and will not be so scary.
Find like-minded people
Regardless of whether you have many friends or not, a large family or not, in modern society it is very easy to look for like-minded people. The Internet unites many people for completely different reasons.
There are professional communities where you can get advice from experienced colleagues or recommendations from representatives of senior positions. You can find answers to questions that torment you. You can even find a ready-made solution or a practice-tested solution to a difficult problem, a way out of a difficult situation.
For other areas of a person’s life - family, love, friendship, etc. - there are dozens of forums. You can join the discussion, ask a nagging question and get practical advice. In this sense, it is easier to resolve intimate issues on the Internet. Nobody knows you (you can even perform under a nickname), and in life you simply won’t dare to ask some questions to friends or relatives.
Give yourself the right attitude
Back in Soviet times, people were taught to engage in auto-training - self-hypnosis. Nowadays you don’t need to have a special psychological education to understand basic things: a lot in life depends on your attitude. When a mother who is just starting to walk says, “You’re going to fall,” he falls. And if you set it to “Don’t fall,” he will learn to run much faster.
It’s the same in life: when you instill the thought “I was abandoned,” you become a victim of circumstances, a scoundrel husband, etc. If you look at the situation with divorce in a different way, for example, “I am now free, independent and can build my life differently.” , then this installation truly spreads its wings for free flight.
You can find yourself a new hobby, finally start taking English or Chinese language courses, and it is quite possible that in your new environment you will find a loved one - your future life partner.
Finding yourself in a foreign city or in a new team, you don’t need to panic because there is no one to support you or lend a shoulder for support. If you take a close look at your new surroundings, you will definitely find an adviser, and then an assistant.
Don't worry in vain
What does a person who is late for a meeting do? He tries to mentally adjust the minibus and thinks that such experiences can somehow help him. But you are already late, and you understand it. What should be done in this situation? Call your boss and tell him you'll be late. After a call like this, you need to relax. You can't go faster than you are going. Calm down and think that everything is happening for the better. The same applies to fear of change. Psychologists say that a person who does not waste energy on worries, knows how to relax and looks to the future with a sober head will achieve success. Why waste energy and worsen your nervous system? It is not necessary. Any person must learn to relax. Take up meditation. Breathing practice will teach you to let go of unnecessary thoughts and help you find peace of mind. And this is very important for a person who does not feel solid support under his feet.
Get out of your comfort zone more often
Who is haunted by the fear of new things? People who rarely leave their comfort zone are afraid of change. You need to make a rule for yourself: every week, do something that you are afraid to do. For example, if you don’t know how and don’t like to communicate with people, go to a club or any social event. Make new acquaintances at the party and try to open up to a stranger. Such experience will be very valuable. You will understand that there is nothing wrong with approaching a person and getting to know him. It will be scary at first, but once you talk to strangers and realize that they are nice people, you will be able to easily find a common language with anyone.
If you are haunted by a fear of change, then try doing crazy things. For example, jump with a parachute. It's not as scary as it seems. Choose a good flying club and sign up for a consultation with an experienced instructor. By overcoming fear, you can feel more confident and understand that if you were able to decide on such a crazy act, then you can easily cope with any other task.
Development of a phobia
The causes of fear come from childhood experiences. By protecting the boundaries of the natural comfort zone, the child begins to avoid situations that change the usual way of life. Against the backdrop of parental divorce, neophobia develops in children. Without such experience, and observing the rapid disintegration of parents' relationships, children begin to perceive any life changes as negative.
Comfortable living conditions have been disrupted and it is necessary to adapt to new circumstances. Children perceive a traumatic situation as a certain threshold.
The family has changed, and many things inspire mistrust and discomfort. When faced with the destruction of family ideals, it is not easy for a child to forget and let go of a traumatic situation; manifestations of phobia associated with it can arise in an adult. As a result, everything new causes apprehension and fear. Even positive changes frighten and force the individual to resist everything new, interfering with normal life activities, creating a family, self-realization and joining the work team.
The reasons why people are afraid of change can also be certain human traits. Possessing these qualities, people are more likely to experience fear of change:
- low self-esteem;
- tendency to idealize;
- shyness
Negative experiences that define a phobia cause uncertainty about the positive results of change. The individual is sure that he has no chance of success. He is determined to fail and is afraid. The feeling of discomfort, if present during previous attempts, will increase the perception of negative factors, and the fear of new things will weaken the impact of positive changes.
Do you want to change your education?
You study at the university and understand that this specialty is very far from you, that it is not yours! So, change it! This may not sound entirely serious, but you just need to decide what you need.
For example, you are studying to become a lawyer, and you understand that you would like to be a specialist in another field. For example, you would like to be a designer. Just don’t rush to leave the institute, think about everything carefully first. You can get 2 higher educations at the same time, or you can first get one and then a second education.
