My life: “My ex-husband ruined the lives of me and my children, but I just can’t let him go”

How to communicate with your ex after divorce? Two options for the “period of acute pain”: either do not communicate at all, or interact.

The second option, as it is more interesting, will be left for dessert. Let's look at the first one first.

How to communicate with your ex-husband after divorce?

Yes, you have the moral right not to communicate with him at all. Even if you have a common past, a common mortgage and a common cat. There is no such code in life according to which you would be obliged to communicate with someone you do not want to. You can completely cross it out of your notebook and out of your head.

It’s more difficult if you have common children and common affairs. For example - business. Then how to communicate with your ex-husband?

The standard option for non-communication in such a situation is to put a smile on your face and pretend that everything is fine. But this is pathetic. You will not gain self-respect this way. It’s better to honestly admit out loud that you don’t see the need for a general conversation and common points of contact. Moreover, the more objectively constructed the phrase with which you refuse, the sooner they will leave you alone. In this case, all technical issues are handled through an intermediary.

How do men cope with divorce? Psychological analysis of post-divorce behavior

If women whose ex-husband disappears from sight after a divorce begin to take an interest in his life, they betray their remaining love or need for it (see How to survive a divorce from your husband?). However, there is practically no difference between what divorce means for a man and what a woman has endured. This is due to the importance attached to marriage. If the spouses dated for a long time before the wedding, and divorced due to a mistake or external interference, then the degree of moral damage is approximately the same for both. If the marriage was the result of pregnancy, the spouses grew up in single-parent families, received different levels of education, and quarrels began in the premarital period, most likely, divorce is perceived by both as liberation from a negative environment.

How does a husband behave after a divorce? Age-related characteristics of actions

Men who got married before the age of 20 have three motives: love addiction, selfish goals, and avoidance of problems with responsibility. In the first case, a need is formed to be close to the beloved due to jealousy, lack of attention, and knowledge of relationships. The second implies an unwillingness to live with parents and, in order not to maintain housing alone, a woman with a permanent job, or better yet, with housing, is sought. Achieving the planned financial situation leads to divorce because the primary goal was not compatible with the concept of family. The third motive speaks of the fear of making a mistake when one is not ready to answer for misdeeds, for example, an unplanned pregnancy.

To determine whether men regret divorce , let's turn to statistics and characteristics of individual behavior in different years of life. The peak age for divorce among men is between 18 and 30 years old, because they are not psychologically prepared for a family. Men who behaved passively in relationships experience emotional activity, while active men experience depression due to unrequited love if the wife initiated the divorce. This forces you to put on the mask of a scoundrel even with a calm and balanced character. On the one hand, disregard dominates, on the other, resentment, but only because self-confidence is shaken. A man is not able to turn on another mental defense mechanism, so he “douses” stress with alcohol, and increases self-esteem by practicing promiscuity (promiscuity), if moral guidelines do not prohibit such behavior.

After 30-35 years, a man more often makes compromises because he understands that he will not return to his mother and is no longer needed by his friends. After a divorce, the ex-husband begins to look for a female unmarried environment in order to find a potential wife. However, it pursues friendship and harmonious relationships with a smooth transition into romantic ones. If he finds it, he is in no hurry to make an offer for fear of repeating the plot and in order to “sip a breath of freedom.”

Selfishness and narcissism

The more men love and adore their wife, the more they give, sacrifice and focus on her, the more they experience the loss (sometimes throughout their lives). As a result of the blow to self-esteem, the focus of love is redirected to oneself. The disconnected mechanism of sympathy motivates actions based on the motive of selfishness, self-interest and self-care, even at the cost of other people's feelings, benefits and goals. Psychotherapists describe how a narcissist behaves:

• Cares excessively about appearance (autophilia);
• Doesn’t care about other people’s statements addressed to him;
• Literally hunts for money, choosing any available methods;
• Buys exclusively expensive and branded items and gadgets;
• Allows himself to throw out a careless phrase without feeling guilty;
• Loneliness is regarded as freedom.

After a divorce, the ex-husband literally “walks over their heads,” increasing the degree of pride for causing harm to others. However, such behavior is only a way to compensate for failure in marriage and self-doubt. If selfishness is turned off, depression will set in, which will lead to even worse consequences, so only a sensitive woman will serve as salvation.

How does a man behave after a divorce? Love addiction

Other men regret divorce , becoming love addicts (obsessed with the object of love). After a divorce, the ex-husband sets an obsessive goal of not letting his wife go, suffers, worries, naively expecting retaliatory actions on her part. Since the addict is not able to independently switch from thoughts about his beloved, he forgets about everyday, work and other matters, as a result of which his health and financial situation deteriorate.

More often, insanity is observed in men who are jealous in marriage, but addiction becomes a consequence of psychotrauma received in childhood in relationships with parents, and therefore can only be treated by a psychotherapist.

If the husband doesn’t keep watch at the entrance, doesn’t bombard him with SMS messages, doesn’t show excessive concern, but he starts having problems with alcohol, obesity or anorexia, gambling addiction and other psycho-addictions, then he’s afraid of appearing weak. Therefore, if the addiction is not suppressed, for example, by meeting with an equally jealous woman or by psychotherapy, the risk of suicide or clinical depression will remain high, since the addict behaves aggressively only towards himself.

Excessive amorousness, polygamy, promiscuity

If the ex-husband cheated, then after the divorce he will become more active in searching for new intrigues. Every new relationship for a man will become a therapy for treating depression from loneliness, as it causes euphoria. However, this flash is temporary and goes out when the man returns to reality, so he is puzzled to stretch out the emotional-romantic period as long as possible without getting closer to his mistress (without pretending to live together). On the one hand, such behavior is caused by the pursuit of an ideal, on the other hand, by the fear of developing serious relationships that lead to depressing everyday life. As a result of their adventures, polygamists run the risk of remaining lonely, because they will not be able to have the title of lover forever - women more often need serious and responsible men.

Reasons for polygamy:

• Lack of goals, life position (stagnation of personality development in adolescence);
• Depression, boredom, dissatisfaction with life (feeling of gray everyday life);
• Dependence on gaining intimacy (receiving emotions only from the bouquet and candy period);
• Dependence on someone else’s shoulder (inconsistency, difficulty in making decisions);
• Low self-esteem (when winning new hearts, it temporarily increases).

In this situation, divorce for a man is a confirmation of his low importance. The longer he stays there, the lower he goes. To change the situation, he needs to find a purpose, a goal for which he is ready to live and assert himself through personal victories, and not bed adventures.

Altruism directed at women

A feeling of guilt gnaws at almost every person on whose initiative the tragedy occurred. If, after a divorce, the ex-husband gains an understanding of the magnitude of the mistake, the manifestation of conscience weighs on the consciousness. In this case, the man behaves irritably, realizing that his actions do not make him look good. Obsession with them turns on the mode of compensation. As a result, the ex-husband begins to help divorced and single women:

• Nail the shelf;
• Carry the bag;
• Drive home;
• and other acts for which you can receive words of gratitude.

Since conscience hits self-esteem, men worry more about self-hatred than about harm caused to their spouse. Therefore, we tend to help more often those who will not bother and demand. Such altruism is a means of restoring self-sufficiency and selfishness, and not an awareness of guilt, much less an attempt to improve.

Divorce for a man as an activator of jealousy

Outwardly, a husband after a divorce may not show any tension about letting his wife go free. However, the persistent habit of returning home, where they love, accept and forgive, leads to psychological discomfort in the subconscious. After all, life has changed exactly the opposite. Some attributes of everyday life have disappeared, the mixed aromas of flowers, perfume and dinner, etc. Therefore, interest in the life of the ex-wife is aroused, as a result of which the husband can spend hours watching her accounts on social networks, get annoyed by male comments on the photo and check for new male friends.

This behavior persists even if a new girl appears, provoking jealousy on her part if she discovers his desire to find out information about his ex. If you have a common child, spying and getting into new relationships can continue throughout your life, since it will not be possible to stop loving and forget due to periodic parental meetings. A wise woman will help drive jealousy out of the subconscious.

What dream books say

The authors of collections of interpretations selected true clues from night visions. Differences in transcripts are due to the experience of peoples. For example, among the Slavs, a dog in a dream symbolizes a friend. Muslims consider the dog an enemy. The cat is also interpreted diametrically.

Advice: analyze the plot based on your own worldview. Take into account religious views, traditions, and attitudes. For example, for adherents of the European way of life, an interpretation from the English or French dream book will be more suitable. For admirers of innovation - a collection of the 21st century. Fans of esotericism will appreciate the tips from Vanga and Loff.

Tsvetkova

The appearance of an ex-spouse is a bad omen. The essence of the problem is determined by the specifics:

1. If you caught a glimpse , you will worry about your own affairs.
2. If you swear , you will make a hasty, wrong decision. Try to act more thoughtfully and study the details.
3. To be glad to see you after a long separation means you will suffer financial losses.
4. Flirted, kissed, made love - jealousy of the current partner. If there is none, then the secret admirer is suffering from a bad feeling.
5. If you mock and mock , you will find yourself the main topic of the local gossips. They will wash all your bones.
6. Reunited , became a family again - trouble, a long black streak.

Trouble awaits, even if you don’t remember the details. The former does not bode well.

Miller

The psychologist is not so categorical. Gives negative and positive forecasts. Explanations:

1. If you loved him , answer for your mistakes. You will be reminded of some old sin.
2. Kissed - an unpleasant confrontation.
3. Had sex - aggravation of an existing conflict or the outbreak of a new one.
4. If you quarreled , you will be pleased with positive changes.
5. They broke up again - a new romance. Be vigilant so as not to be left with nothing again.
6. Seeing a divorced man sad, gloomy, ugly, ugly is a disappointment. The road will be blocked by difficult obstacles to overcome.
7. Cheerful, talkative, open, handsome, well-groomed, well dressed - you will achieve success. Such a turn foretells glory.
8. Fear because of the strange appearance of the ex-lover - worries about the fate of a close friend, relative. Spiritual torment and attempts to help will be in vain. A friend will turn into an enemy.
9. Showing up naked is a big danger at work. Frauds or mistakes of colleagues/superiors will hang around your neck. Proving your innocence will be extremely difficult.
10. If you played the guitar or other musical instrument or sang, you will get sick. Take care of your eyes, throat, ears.
11. He shouted indignantly - he wants to come, he’s sad. The person who dreamed is feeling very bad now. Suffering from depression, another mental illness.
12. If you swore , you will get into trouble through your own fault.
13. He said compliments, tried to caress him - there was gossip going around. People judge your independent behavior.

According to Miller, a good sign is to re-live the divorce process in a nightmare. The angel prophesies a chance for personal happiness. Singles will meet their destiny, married ones will strengthen their connection.

Wangi

The seer echoed the psychologists in some ways. She gave her clients these tips:

1. It seemed that you were back in your old family, as if you had never been separated at all - you were able to forgive your unsuitable partner with your soul. His personality no longer affects your life.
2. A drunk, unshaven, sloppy ex in torn, dirty clothes is a sign of his suffering. The man realized his mistakes. Melancholy settled in the heart due to the understanding of the wrong behavior. He passionately wants to turn back time, to be there, to fix everything.
3. Your mother-in-law was with your son - she regrets your breakup. Now I am sure that her offspring will not get a better life.

Former beloved - regret about separation. The heart has not yet come to terms with the change.

Freud's Dream Book

The psychoanalyst's theory is built on the sexual subtext of night scenes. The persona of the ex-husband reveals the dreamer’s problems:

1. Just seeing it means discord in the current couple. The woman feels dissatisfied and dissatisfied with the relationship.
2. Sex, kissing, caresses are a sign of lack of harmony and romance. Lonely people yearn for the warmth of their beloved arms; couples are secretly dissatisfied with the lack of activity of their sweetheart in bed.
3. The scandal promises a reunion. But the decision is yours.
4. Communication, conversation, general activity with a retired spouse is a hint of the need for professional help from a psychoanalyst.

Fade argued that past partners reveal the depths of a girl’s subconscious. She doesn't have enough warmth in her current life. She is ready to go in search of a new partner, but is afraid to admit it to herself.

According to Nostradamus

The seer warned about the likelihood of witchcraft influence. The appearance of an ex-half is a sign of the activity of black magicians aimed at the sleeping one. In the morning, it is advisable to clean the room and acquire a powerful amulet.

1. Danger is predicted by a deceased partner . He supports his beloved from the other world. Came to warn.
2. An intimate picture foreshadows shame. The dreamer will have to answer for offenses committed a long time ago.

Esoteric collection

Exes hint at the presence of unconscious feelings in the sleeping woman. The girl still feels passion for the dreamer. It is in her power to return the past, even if he is now married. Other interpretations:

1. Sex - having unresolved problems of any kind.
2. Kiss - be surprised during the day.
3. Swearing - you will become happy.
4. A breakup is a passionate affair without continuation.

The deceased faithful indicates boredom. Doesn't bring bad news.

Video with the author's explanation:

Muslim

Islamic sages point to the mystery of the ego. The dreamer still misses the old days.

Specifics:

1. Hugs with kisses - sadness.
2. Sex accompanied by shame is distressing.
3. The joy of reestablishing a partnership - hear from him.
4. Trying to make peace - you will feel a lack of tenderness and mutual understanding.
5. A short kiss on the lips - a new gentleman will appear. You will be considered a marriage.
6. Returned forever - hit the road.
7. Quarrel, make scandals, shout - to pleasure.
8. They realized that he was no longer the same as before, he had changed for the worse - business disappointment, professional loss.
9. joyful , blooming, elegant , they would invite you to a feast.

The widow dreams of the deceased before unpleasant events affecting her entire family.

Longo

Advice to get rid of memories. The pictures represent clues to the past. Memory prevents you from enjoying current events. It's time to free yourself, start all over again. Detail:

1. Drunk - good changes: a successful partnership, a cool career, a profitable business.
2. Asking for a date is bad. There is only loneliness ahead, quiet sad everyday life.
3. They abruptly refused the offer of a meeting - there was a chance to arrange a family idyll.
4. Returned to be together - the risk of losing the love that is now emerging.

We saw the wedding of the former with the other - we came to terms with the loss. Nothing prevents you from establishing your own personal sphere.

Loffa

Remarrying a man you broke up with means trouble in the next 7 days. Refusing marriage means defeating enemies. To see his wedding with his rival is to free the soul from anger. Feel his love, tenderness - get a surprise. The latter may be unpleasant. But not necessarily.

An ex-lover died in a midnight nightmare - a positive sign. You will have a strong, friendly family with children.

Meneghetti

A family conversation with an ex promises illness of the current one. Unjustified doubts about the fidelity of the spouse are promised by the smile and joy of the ex.

Hasse

To experience the bitterness of a past separation in a story is a sign of great spiritual strength. You will be able to overcome your melancholy and uncertainty. Look at events from a different angle and set your priorities correctly. There is improvement in all areas of existence ahead.

Other sources briefly

Here are just dissenting opinions:

1. The women's dream book assures that the sleeping woman subconsciously desires a return to the past.
2. Ancient Persian speaks of a complete lack of communication between separated partners. People let each other go.
3. Psychological promises annoying persecution. The retiree harbors a bitter grudge in his heart. He will try to pour it out on the dreamer.
4. Dream Interpretation XXI is positive. Prophesies speedy enrichment. Swear - get money; walking at his wedding means winning the lottery.
5. Grishina predicts that the structure of the cardiac sphere will be problematic. You need to thank your past love and let the guy go free.
6. Pythagoras (numerological). You are moving in the right direction. The business you are engaged in will lead to great success.
7. Zhu-Gong promises good luck in finances and the fulfillment of a cherished dream. And also meeting respectable, loyal people, making friends.

Prospects for developing new relationships

In most stories, a man evaluates the opportunity to enter into a close relationship in different ways. The choice depends on the type of temperament, attitudes, age of the individual and trust in oneself and the ladies. However, due to physical age, finding a woman of the same age as a life partner is problematic, since most single people have children or have lost attractiveness due to hormonal slowdown. In addition, if you choose young beauties, a man risks running into an immoral, frivolous girl who does not pursue the goal of starting a family. Thus, the prospect of remarriage is scarce, so divorce for a man may be the start of “different bed” adventures.

Table of guidelines when searching for a potential bride

Divorce for a man becomes a kind of teaching for life, since, based on the table, a bride is subsequently selected with a high degree of self-confidence and similarity in views. But shaky faith in the power to retain such a person threatens with dogmatism (a stable opinion, based on which a conclusion is drawn), where without evidence it will be impossible to convince a man of her positive qualities.

A test to identify a man's remaining love for his ex-wife

We found out that the ex-husband regrets the divorce, but on the path to self-development he becomes wiser if he meets the right half. If you want to return it, read this article. To determine whether he has any remaining feelings, it is proposed to take a test.

1. Did you cheat on your ex-wife?

2. Did his ex-wife cheat on him?

3. Does he laugh at other people’s troubles and defeats?

4. After the divorce, does he abuse alcohol?

5. Insists on his own first with peace, and then with harsh aggression?

6. Does he log into his ex-wife’s profile account on a social network?

7. Do you have any children together with your ex-wife?

8. Does he remember his past with his wife with nostalgia?

9. When alone, does he prefer to watch +18 movies and chat with girls on dating sites?

10. Are you always puzzled by your appearance and become furious if, for example, your sock is torn?

11. Strives to help girls, but at the slightest misunderstanding refuses to help?

12. Is his apartment constantly in chaos?

13. When quarreling, did you approach to resolve the issue through dialogue or did you run away?

Decoding by situation

Below are interpretations of 101 popular dream books. The analysis is based on the storyline:

1. Breaking up - a change in life priorities will push you in a different direction, closer to well-being.
2. Return is a period filled with sad memories. Longing huddles in your heart.
3. Kissing means stiffness. Leave the past behind, relax, turn to happiness.
4. Sex without satisfaction - curb your temper. Your actions and words irritate others.
5. To hug is to be sad.
6. Beating, scolding - grievances do not give rest.
7. Seeing off, saying goodbye to the deceased - meeting a worthy guy. Don't lose your happiness.
8. Seeing from afar means difficulties in the present. Memories close my eyes. They don't allow you to open up to new feelings.
9. If you called , be reasonable. You shy away from one side to the other. First decide what to do, then act.
10. He asked me to call because he was unsure of his feminine charms. Apparently, the divorce had a negative impact on his character.
11. I’ve been inundated with letters and texts —interesting events lie ahead. One note is a passing fancy. A lot of messages on WhatsApp - a quick, bright, stunning adventure.

Carefully remember the contents of the letters:

• threats - stress;
• complaints - problems;
• jealous phrases - dissatisfaction with oneself;
• asking to come back is freedom.

Murder

Nightmares convey realities with hypertrophied, exaggerated pictures. An attempt to kill an ex-boyfriend is an indicator of recovery. Negative emotions burdened the aura for a long time. Through a nightmare, the soul is freed from this overwhelming burden.

If you tried to stab or shoot, but didn’t see any blood, it means your emotions have completely extinguished. The grievances dissolved, the anger subsided, the indignation melted. You are ready for the next victories, the creation of a real harmonious space of love.

If you dream regularly

Serial plots are always prophetic. The subconscious is ringing all the bells. You have accumulated a lot of debts and unfinished business. It's time to figure it out, complete the important ones, discard the small ones.

Warning: Failure to follow prompts will lead to serious problems in the future.

Decoding by type of man

The image of the guy is sometimes crucial for the correct interpretation. Options:

1. Drunk - got into a series of difficulties, needs support.
2. Beaten, sick - incurs financial losses.
3. Sad - it's time to forget this person. He will never return.
4. Crying - ready to support the dreamer in any situation.
5. Naked - the dreamer is in danger. The enemy hid in the immediate circle.

The words of the deceased should be remembered. He advises from another world. If he showed a house, it means that his soul has already incarnated on earth.

People and circumstances related to your ex

The variety of plots makes it necessary to understand in detail. Memorable nuances indicate:

1. To visit his father's house is to never set foot there again.
2. Mother-in-law - advice to keep secrets from strangers. There is an ill-wisher nearby, sniffing out “fried” information.
3. Appeared with someone else - fate separated you forever.
4. If you got married or saw your current wife, you still have hope for a reunion. This is a projection of existing jealousy.

A strange scene about an ex surrounded by many lovers speaks of heartache. The separation plunged the sleeping woman into uncertainty and undermined her self-esteem. Shake yourself up, realize your own worth. Otherwise, current partnerships will suffer.

A retiree with a new passion is a sign of an unpleasant meeting.

What does he intend to return to?

Going through a divorce is quite difficult psychologically. Memories haunt the soul for a long time and disturb me at night.

True signs:

1. If you asked to come back, you would get bored. The heart is still warm, the ex is a little worried.
2. Marry him again - you will get into trouble. It will not be possible to overcome it quickly.
3. If you agreed to have sex, you yearn for the time when you were completely protected.

Hint: an alarming symptom. It is necessary to adjust the worldview. The soul is restless, which prevents it from realizing itself and developing.