If a wife stops loving her husband: what to do, how to return love and save the family

It is much easier when the loss of feelings affects both partners, in which case it is possible to end the relationship painlessly. But what to do if your wife has fallen out of love, and you still have hope for saving your family? The main thing is not to panic, understand the reasons for what happened, and decide whether to return your spouse.

If you are sure that you need her, follow the simple advice of psychologists on how to restore her feelings, what to do if she leaves. Also, become familiar with situations where divorce is imminent so you don't waste your energy.

Why the wife stopped loving her husband: reasons

To understand the question of how to save a family if your wife has fallen out of love, you must first soberly assess what is happening and understand the reasons that motivate her. Feelings never go away suddenly, which means that some kind of push contributed to this. Most often the reasons are:

financial difficulties, insolvency of a man, inability to support a family;
frequent quarrels that develop into huge scandals, complete misunderstanding of partners;
heavy losses, bitterness, for which spouses may blame each other;
the routine of life, monotony in relationships, lack of passion, flirtation, romance;
lack of attention, care, any manifestation of feelings in her direction;
lack of sexual desire, when sex becomes an obligation rather than a desire;
neglect of it, selfish behavior, preference to mind “your own” affairs;
lack of communication, spending time together, common interests;
abuse of bad habits, for example, alcoholism, drug addiction;
violence from a man, both moral and physical.

Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

To maintain love in family relationships, it is important to spend time together, communicate as much as possible, and have common hobbies. Women need attention, compliments, romantic pleasant actions, and help in difficult situations. A caring, loving man will not have a question about how to return his wife’s love, which means you did something wrong.

How to return the love of a wife who has fallen out of love

Many people think that if it comes to divorce, then nothing can be fixed. Actually this is not true. You must be persistent and take the initiative into your own hands. If your wife has fallen out of love and left, then you can get her back in the following simple ways.

READ

How to painlessly break up with a loved one: methods and tips

The magic of romance

Often men stop pleasing their chosen one as soon as the corresponding stamp is placed in the passport. But getting married is not a reason to forget about such things as attention, respect and affection. It is not surprising that relationships deteriorate before they have time to develop properly. A woman must open up in a relationship, a man must show nobility and responsibility. A romantic dinner arranged according to all the rules will help: beautiful table setting, flowers, lit candles, touching courtship and confessions.

If the husband suddenly becomes so tender and attentive, the wife may change her mind about leaving. You can conquer a girl again if you sincerely strive for it.

Through the pages of memories

In fact, the spouses are connected to each other by a huge amount of jointly acquired experience. There is a strong emotional connection between them, because they really experienced a lot together. To awaken dormant feelings, sometimes it’s enough to look through a family album together. You will experience long-forgotten emotions, remember important events in life: a wedding, the birth of children, the beginning of a life together. All sorts of everyday quarrels fade against such a background and become something ordinary and harmless. The main thing is that you need to speak sincerely and be able to open your heart.

Allow me to invite

A man will inevitably grow in the eyes of his chosen one if he starts making beautiful proposals to her. The main thing here is to learn to guess her mood and desires. You can invite a lady to a restaurant, theater or cinema. If you do this elegantly, with a certain nobility, then there will definitely be an effect. Women love surprises. The effect of surprise is the best weapon when you want to conquer your beloved. Wait for the right moment and only then begin to surprise and make a lasting impression.

We will divide life in half

Many problems can be solved if you offer your wife timely help around the house. Agree, it’s not so easy to keep things in order and look stunning at the same time. It is problematic to cook delicious dinners and wash shirts every day. There is no need to assume that the wife can handle everything herself. She wants to receive compliments from her husband, to feel interesting and in demand.

A wise man always strives to help his other half. He may not be able to bake pancakes so gracefully, but such a caring attitude is captivating and disarming.

A little ingenuity and cunning

There is no need to start a scandal after the first disagreement. You should show compassion, patience, tact and restraint. If conflict can be avoided, there will be great merit. Good relationships must be protected and not allowed to fall apart.

Straight Talk

A sincere conversation is useful if a man understands that he cannot imagine life without his chosen one. Recognition of past mistakes has a great effect. Such a heart-to-heart conversation will reveal your readiness to start life anew, taking into account previous mistakes.

There is no place for an opponent here

Even if the wife already has another boyfriend, this is not a reason to give up an expensive relationship. You need to prove that you are better than your opponent and show those qualities of character that your spouse previously admired and appreciated. This way you can remind her what a wonderful person she is losing. The effect will be strong and effective. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to throw mud at your opponent.

Elixir of Jealousy

Sometimes people realize that they need each other only after creating an uncomfortable situation. A little jealousy won't hurt. She can melt the heart of a very cold and reserved lady who in every possible way refuses to give you a second chance. The fact is that no woman will be pleased if a man shows signs of attention to another. Jealousy can act as a powerful medicine. The main thing is not to overdo it with the dosage.

Signs of cooled feelings

In order not to part with the woman you love, it is important for you to identify the problem in a timely manner before it goes away. If she does not directly say that she has stopped loving you, the following signs will be alarming:

she regularly refuses intimacy;
communicates with other men, shows interest in their successes;
sharply changes priorities, increasingly spends time outside the home with friends.

Simply put, a woman becomes cold, uninterested in the affairs of her husband, and shows warmth and care less and less. There are a lot of indirect signs that indicate that feelings have subsided:

she no longer hides her shortcomings;
ignores your presence;
shows unreasonable jealousy;
shows irritability over small things;
demonstrates rudeness, selfishness;
pays less and less attention to household chores and cooking;
prefers to make any important decisions independently.

This behavior does not always mean that she has fallen out of love, has fallen in love with another man and is going to leave for him. But in any case, all signs are an indicator that the relationship needs rehabilitation.

Will you try to get your wife back after betrayal?

Not really

Need some advice? Write your story My wife told me that she doesn’t love me the way she should love her man, that she is not attracted to me as a sexual partner! In general, love is gone! I love her very much, I really can’t live without her, tell me what to do? Rate:

Kirill, age: 27 / 08/06/2013
Responses:
Hello, Kirill. I sympathize with you very much. But I want to ask you, excuse me, did she have men before you and before the wedding? This is very important for a woman. Women who had intimate relationships before marriage, as a rule, they do not know how to love, are not adapted to family life and often abandon their children or have abortions with a light conscience. It is especially bad if she had more than three men before the wedding. She shook the love, warmth and maternal instinct and stop It’s almost impossible to keep her in the family either. She’s married and with five children, she’ll go out and get divorced. Is she cheating on you? Maybe she's saying this because she found someone? Is it possible to think of her like that? Many modern women do not go into emptiness and loneliness. On the contrary, they are afraid of loneliness and say I don’t like them because they met someone and perhaps fantasized about him, which he did not promise. Be careful, watch her. Does she often lie? Are you often at home? Does she have interests that are detrimental to the home or conflict with family life? Could she come home drunk? Does she really love money, especially free money? There are many other signs. A woman who is fixated on the topic of sex and cannot talk about anything else and swears is also very unreliable. Did she have an abortion before marriage? Any signs of a bad girl indicate that she will not live in a family under any pretext. I advise you to choose modest, economical virgins from intact families for marriage. These will definitely live in the family for many years. Try to reason with your wife, be stricter with her, if she is normal. A man is the master of the house and his wife, but not a tyrant. Remember this. I wish you happiness.

Lena, age: 25 / 08/07/2013

Don't forget to be the person she initially fell in love with, that's the first thing. There are ebbs and flows in relationships. Interesting quotes: The attraction of souls turns into friendship, the attraction of the mind turns into respect, the attraction of bodies turns into passion. And only everything together can turn into love. Confucius. Love is the unity of soul, mind and body. Keep track of the order. Brigitte Bardot If you are missing something from these lists... although when a person loves so much everything should be present... just limit yourself from temptations... again, remember yourself, your behavior in the initial stages. and God is Love! (you can pray in silence)

a, age: 100 / 08/07/2013

Kirill, hello! If you love, you need to try to fix the situation. A wife may have many, infinitely many reasons for such words. Some things you can fix, some you can’t. Try to do your best. How long have you been married? Maybe this is a reaction to everyday life, monotony. Do you show her enough attention and affection? How long have you been talking about your love? I am for proving my love with deeds, but words also mean a lot in the relationship between two loving people. Talk to her about your relationship, tell her that even if you were callous, you are ready to change, let her tell you in which direction you should start changing. Talk to her about love, give her compliments, pleasant surprises, surprise your woman, spend time with her, show her that she is the only one, that she comes first for you, that you love her the same way as when your relationship was just beginning. Love is worth fighting for, your heart will tell you more ways, don’t despair because of these words of hers. Let this not break you, but give you the right direction to change yourself and your relationships. I am sure that time is not lost and you will be together!

Natasha, age: 27 / 08/07/2013

I think she became insolent from your “I can’t live without her.” Most likely you will have to live without her, since Lena’s review is most likely your case. But Natasha is mistaken. It is clear that women want attention, and I am not against it, but I am sure your companion had plenty of it. If she doesn’t love, then the reason is in her, in her actions, and no matter what you do, most likely she will leave, especially if she is pretty and attracts men. In any case, a man should not bring himself to the point of “I just can’t live without her,” and should not be internally attached to his wife, especially when she has male ideas of marriage in her head (which does not attract her as a sexual partner), because . a woman should be above this. I'm sure she's cheated more than once, since she has such ideas in her head. You had to think before marriage, but now you just accept what will happen without complaining about fate. Your problem, as for me, is only in choosing a wife. For her, sex is love. Tell her then that animals are the most loving, because... They do this very often. :-) But in fact, her attraction depends on her mind, how she directs the desire will be so. As a rule, you want what you don’t have, and since you are available to her, her mind already wants something else, because... So I got it and what?.. and no, it’s like something I don’t know myself. In general, it is a disease of this modern materialistic world. Only spiritual relationships that are far from her understanding will help her, because... its essence is the soul, and the spiritual will not be satisfied with the material. This material can also include sexual relationships, which also become boring, and your case is proof of this.

s, age: 30/31/08/2014

Now, a year later, I would certainly like to read the result of this whole story. If the author responds and tells how it all ended, then society will have another clear fact about how to act or not to act in this situation...

MXLpro, age: 27/09/12/2014

Hello, Kirill. I have the same problem (if you're not kidding). My wife leaves, and she is the meaning of my life and is completely depressed. I drink valerian and heart mixtures, walk in the fresh air with the dog, try to get her to talk, and in short, nothing helps, or maybe it helps if I’m writing this. So hang in there and write what you are doing. And yes, do you have children? Does your mother-in-law respect you? loves? mom, dad there? talk to them. But I have no one to be with but you. I would punch the handsome guy in the face or he would punch me, but he is an infection out of reach. It’s easy to let go, only if you have anchors tying you to the place where you and your beloved had a nest; So if you want the best for her and she leaves for someone else and there are no anchors (children, dogs, cats, and you yourself are healthy), let go and take up sports, travel and improving yourself. Good luck and write.

Nikolay, age: 42 / 09/15/2014

I have a somewhat similar situation. The wife also stated that she does not love and does not want. True, I am absolutely sure of her loyalty. There has been no sex for a very long time. I love her, but it’s impossible to live like this anymore. Constant quarrels and swearing. I would let her go to seek her happiness, but we have a small child. I don't want to tear him away from me.

DonJuan, age: 28 / 01/08/2015

I can tell you from my own experience: you can’t step into the same river twice. If it falls off, you can’t put it back. Trying to “fix” something? - what stupidity. Remember: over time, a person never changes for the better, just as any situation tends to develop according to the most negative scenario. All your attempts to “restore the relationship” will, in the worst case, lead to both of you putting on masks of “well-being” and living next to each other, but fiercely hating each other. Let yourself and your now ex-wife go. Accept that neither you nor she will become different. Nothing can be returned back. Tell her thank you for the good memories and let yourself and her go. Maybe your real queen is waiting for you around the corner, who will never tell you “I don’t love you.” In short, don't be a fool. Look for another one, and let this one go its own way.

Sergey, age: 40 / 11/11/2015

A similar situation... We live together because... She’s “held back” by the housing issue, she doesn’t agree to exchange, her daughter is 6 years old, we’ve been together for 9 years. For the last six months I’ve been catching myself thinking that I don’t want to go home... I used to try to do something, but after a while I see that I simply don’t need it...

Vitaly, age: 33 / 05/13/2016

It’s the same with me, only two children. It seems like this is a trend among our ladies. Love has passed, he says - it’s clear that it won’t be the same in the first years. But I love her somehow differently, because she is the mother of my children. I take care of the family - apparently she needs something else.

Andrey, age: 32 / 07/11/2016

I have the same bullshit. We've been together for 5 years. She also said that she loved her and then she stopped loving her. It seems like I haven’t done anything bad, I don’t drink, I don’t shy away from work anywhere, I don’t know what I did to make me stop loving. I read comments like “leave her and look for a friend,” well, here’s how to leave her if you have a 2-year-old child together. Without her, I can’t live with him somehow, but without my son, I can’t. She says we’ll continue to live like this, but I don’t know how to live like this, my hands fell on everything... I don’t want anything. I had so many plans and now I don’t want anything.

Dima Danilov, age: 25 / 07/15/2016

And I have the same problem, I’ve been married for 14 years, I’ve fallen out of love, I say I want emotions, impressions, entertainment, I sit on dating sites, communicate in short, looking for 2 children, that’s how things are, brothers...

family man, age: 35 / 08/14/2016

I also have a similar situation, she says I don’t like it, my daughter is almost 3 years old, but when I caught her twice with other guys, she asked me to leave the apartment, so she took my daughter and then gave her for child support, in general, Santa Barbara season 10. I heard that if you leave, you won’t come back, so they are such nice girls

Kirill, age: 35 / 11/18/2016

And I have the same thing, only worse, I’ve been married for 9 years, two children, I went to see my lovers 3 times, I had them before marriage too, I don’t have sex, I don’t cheat and I don’t understand it yet, apparently a man is obliged to cheat. I don’t want to wake up and I don’t want to love her, it’s just a vile infection that won’t go away. Get well everyone!

Terpilo, age: 29/11/20/2016

In marriage you can forgive everything except betrayal, this is my experience. All relationship parameters are adjusted and changed if desired. Betrayal is a rubicon, a point of no return. What is hidden behind the words “fell out of love” - God knows, maybe it’s a whim or an insult, this also happens to them. But most likely, she is attracted to someone, and it didn’t start yesterday. Measure seven times and act according to your moral criteria.

Mikhail, age: 40 / 12/14/2016

I have a similar situation, only my wife said that she never loved, although we have been together for 12 years, my son is 10 years old. She said she was afraid to repeat the fate of her mother, living without a husband all her life, loneliness. It seems like I didn’t do anything bad, I don’t drink much, I don’t shy away from anywhere, I don’t know what I did to stop loving her, I don’t know, only one thing, but if she never loved, in my opinion it doesn’t matter. I had to live away from my family for 2.5 years to pay off the loan, while I was away I fell in love with someone else, they work together, then I found out that he had a girlfriend, he found out that she had a husband and a son, he didn’t date her, but I see that she hopes, but she won’t take the first step, she told me everything, insisted on sincerity, she said the distance had taken its toll, in general, everything is complicated. But I can’t live without her, she is the meaning of my life and she knows about it. He doesn’t want to break up, like time heals everything, wait and hope that I’ll love you, they say, this is after 12 years together, I also feel sorry for my son, he hears everything and cries, he wants us to be together. She says, like, we’ll continue to live like this, but I don’t know how to live like this, my hands fell on everything... I don’t want anything, I want to die and not suffer, it’s very painful. I wanted to talk to this guy, he is 8 years younger than her, to find out if he is serious with his girlfriend and maybe his wife has hope for his reciprocity, because I only wish her happiness, even without me. She says don’t interfere, time will tell whether he feels that way for her. I’m ready to give everything I have and just leave, forever, because she is the meaning of my existence. I had so many plans and hopes, but now I don’t want anything. I don’t know how to continue living like this, suffering and hoping for her love, I don’t want to, I won’t love anyone else, I think I’m monogamous. What should I do?

Andrey, age: 37 / 12/22/2016

Two and a half years together, then I see that the attitude towards me has changed dramatically. I brought her out for a conversation and remembered old grievances for which I paid in full. That there is no hope for me, because... The entire salary goes towards loans taken out by the family. She can't rely on herself except for herself. She stopped kissing, as it turned out, in order to quickly cool down from her feelings for me. As I found out, this began after a conversation between her and her ex-husband, who had been released from prison and was planning to share the house that her mother had bought. Her ex did not buy this house and did not spend a penny on this house. Due to her youth and stupidity, she designated him as a shareholder during privatization. Now I live like a stranger, without sex, affection or past relationships. Although she gave me a second chance (to find a second job, supposedly that’s the only problem), but I already see that there will be no further life. I want to leave now myself, without waiting for her to start kicking me out again. My opinion is that love and past relationships cannot be returned. Maybe I'm wrong...

Victor, age: 36 / 01/17/2017

What to do? Where were your eyes looking before? Did she fall asleep in love in the evening, and wake up in the morning and that’s it - the love has passed? Most likely, everything was like this. You lived without bothering. And then she got stupidly bored with everything... ironing, cooking, washing. And then one day a handsome guy appeared and at first he poured into her ears more of what you had long since forgotten. Then, against the backdrop of all this, she fell in love, then “unforgettable sex” and once, and twice, and three times…. Only it’s obvious this is the first time with her, since she told you such garbage... I don’t like it, I don’t want it... Explain to her that everything will pass there and it will become like here... and maybe even worse. And if you love... forgive her for the first time. Maybe someone didn’t like it... but this is exactly what our life looks like. Verified

Igor, age: 39 / 01/25/2017

I have a similar situation, but the beginning was exactly the same, now we have separated, she immediately began to cohabitate, although she said that she had no one)) tons of lies and my daughter forced me to lie.) I have never cheated on her in our 8 years, without VP, loved, helped in everything. I suffered for almost half a year, but now I realized everything and realized that there is a type of woman who is a LOVER and you can’t marry them, you have good sex with them and travel together, go to cafes and restaurants - but that’s where the relationship needs to stop. You can’t start a family with such people, it’s like they say, “No matter how much you feed the wolf, you still look into the forest...” and of course, we come across all such women already with mileage))) they make their choice for the banal reason that we are no worse than the others and what is most important is high-resource, and this is normal in the animal world for females, there should be no offense towards them, it’s our fault that we didn’t choose with our heads))

Ingvar, age: 32 / 01/30/2017

I have a similar problem. She said that she stopped loving her, but I love her, and I can’t do anything about it... I turned to a psychologist, it helped a little, now I don’t want to live with her, but I haven’t stopped loving her... Everything is very difficult, but I’m holding on! And now I am convinced that love is not something bright and beautiful, it is pain, disappointment and emptiness!

Denis, age: 39 / 01/06/2018

Also the situation: I did everything for the family, doesn’t appreciate it, said I don’t like it, I’m sitting here drinking. I have everything... I love it, now I have to give up and live again, two children, a small son... everything for them... I have to leave in order to forget her... I can’t...

Alexander, age: 37 / 01/10/2018

I also said that I don’t like it. She started talking. But I was faithful and remain for now. But I didn’t love it either. I loved you once before. Did not work out. She agreed to his love. He did nothing and did not strive for anything in the relationship, my problems are mine. We were together for 5 years, then we left and dated for another 3 years. Have no children. I wouldn't have left. Now we haven't seen each other for 2 months. She writes, calls, wants her to come back, misses her. I told him everything. He says he has received his sight, is ready to change, and is in bed. I can't tell you everything. He is a good, simple man, but I need a Man who respects himself and will not give offense! But in essence, Igor’s advice is probably the most realistic. The lady just needs to put her brains in place. Mine also doesn’t know how to talk or analyze... I agreed to him out of hopelessness and the fact that he confirmed his desire to date for almost a year. I don’t know what to do either. And I'm afraid of new relationships. What will they be like? I’m ready for long-term construction... Lots of thoughts. I think there are romantic people who are monogamous (maybe those who have been told fairy tales about Santa Claus), but it’s difficult for us, to break ourselves, we suffer; and there are pragmatic, calculating ones. I believe that I can find a better person who will not need to constantly manage down to the smallest detail (brush your teeth)

Regina, age: 37 / 02/01/2018

I have the same problem. The wife and child went to see their mother. She says she doesn’t love her! My attempts to return her only turn her away from me Married for 8 years Known since 4 years I love her very much and I can never live without her What I don’t know to do...

Alexander, age: 28 / 02/03/2018

Hello. Don't give up so easily. Convince calmly. Find out what's wrong, promise to change, take responsibility for what is happening, say so. Talk about love, write SMS every day about your feelings, compliments, wishes - a month, two, three, invite you on dates again and again, send flowers. It should work. Try all the methods. Let him regret it later.

Sveta, age: 38 / 02/03/2018

You need to remove the woman from your consciousness as the queen you cannot live without. They simply betrayed you when they cheated or said that they didn’t love you. Take care of yourself, develop, swing, find a hobby and be happy and independent of women. I understand that it is easier said than done, but this is the way out. When you find yourself as a man, then a real woman will appear.

Kolyan, age: 33 / 02/21/2018

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Is it worth returning your wife if she has fallen out of love?

Not in all cases, returning the wife is an advisable solution. So before you take any action, ask yourself whether it's worth returning it at all. If not only her feelings, but also yours, have cooled down, then it’s better to get a divorce. Controversial situations may be the following:

you live together, but she wants to leave - first find the reasons for such a desire, make every effort to keep her, and if it doesn’t help, resign yourself;
if you have children together , this is a good reason to try to keep the family together, if at least one of you still has love;
there is acquired property - often spouses are hampered by such a situation when divorce is not so easily allowed by issues of division of property, which means this is your chance to gain time.

How to return the feelings of your beloved wife

Relationship psychology teaches that any problem in a relationship between a man and a woman is always the fault of both. Therefore, if your wife decides to leave you and declares a lack of feelings, find the reasons, and then build on them to find ways to save the family. You can return its location in several ways:

Frank conversation - choose a moment when you are both calm. After this, try to discuss the problem, analyze the relationship, identify the reasons, but so that it does not develop into another scandal.
Apology - if you know what kind of offense offended your wife, led to a cooling of feelings, apologize. You can organize a pleasant surprise. Even if you once decided to cheat on your spouse, the chances of forgiveness are slim, but it’s worth trying to beg for forgiveness.
Make her fall in love with you again - remember for what actions and qualities she once fell in love with you. Try to demonstrate all this again, help her in solving any problems, show interest in her and her life.
Listen to criticism - try to bring your wife into a frank conversation so that she directly expresses all her complaints against you. After listening to all this, you will be able to soberly assess whether it makes sense to maintain the relationship, whether you can change for her sake.
Break up - if she wants to leave, give her freedom. Let her live alone, think through all the pros and cons of loneliness, so that she has something to compare with. And after some time, you can meet and discuss whether it’s worth getting together, or whether you’re both comfortable separately.
Consultation with a family psychologist - specialists save about 60% of married couples. Try to persuade her to go to a psychologist together. If not, visit it yourself to find answers to any questions.
Let go - if she fell in love with someone else, went to him, demonstrates in every possible way how happy she is in a new relationship, give her freedom. You can say that you are ready to take her back, but you shouldn’t interfere with her new life.

In any case, the surest path is to improve yourself, to work on yourself. Whatever decision you both make, do everything to transform yourself for the better, both externally and internally. Eliminate all shortcomings that led to a cooling of feelings.

How to get your wife back from another man?

If your wife left you for another man, first think about whether it’s worth returning her, because she fell in love with another person.

Rarely in such situations do men try to return their beloved, because betrayal is rightfully considered a real betrayal. However, if a firm decision is made, you need to try to prove to your spouse that she is the whole meaning of your life.

You should never try to win a woman back by threats or blackmail; it is better to surpass your rival in something. Sometimes a neutral attitude towards a woman works; realizing that you are indifferent, she can return to the family on her own. The weak half of humanity likes strong men, and your possible humiliation can only make things worse. Therefore, there is no need to beg her to return and instantly forgive the betrayal.

A henpecked man may be very convenient, but it’s not at all interesting. There are often cases when a woman leaves an attentive, helpful and forgiving husband for a kind of macho male, so with all your boundless love for your wife, do not lose your masculinity.

How to behave if your wife leaves

A cold marriage will sooner or later lead to the spouse leaving. Breaking up can also cause betrayal on her part. What to do if you are determined to renew your marriage? Establishing relationships requires the following measures:

give time to both yourself and your wife, don’t run after her, causing scandals, and especially don’t drag her back home by force;
leave her alone, perhaps she left temporarily to take a break from you, the routine of family life, everyday life, and a change of environment will benefit the relationship;
if she declares that she is not satisfied with the relationship and specific behavior on your part, hear every word she says, realize her misdeeds, work on yourself to prevent this from happening in the future;
if she lives with another man, don’t try to get her back, become a better person, behave with dignity, there is a high probability that very soon she will realize the mistake and come back;
restore normal communication in order to maintain contact with her, provide assistance in every possible way in any matter, take an interest in her life.

A kind, attentive, sympathetic attitude towards her will help to quickly return your spouse home. Try to do everything to show awareness of your mistakes and the ability to change.

How do you feel?

Before you begin to win your spouse's heart again, analyze the situation and your own feelings and answer the following questions.

How sure are you that your wife really stopped loving you? Perhaps this opinion is based on emotional statements or behavior of your other half, caused by a serious quarrel or resentment? If this is the case, simply resolving your conflict, perhaps by making concessions, will be enough, and you will see that you began to panic early.
Do you really truly love your wife, or is the desire to return her love and affection dictated by wounded pride?
Imagine that you will not be able to reconcile with your spouse and revive love and warm relationships. How will you feel about this: despair, fear, hatred, resentment, or perhaps relief?
If you are sure that your spouse no longer loves you, but does not talk to you about separation or divorce, can you continue to live with her, knowing that true marital happiness is no longer possible?
Remember how your wife’s feelings manifested themselves at the dawn of their married life? Was her love bright and inspiring, or was she always quite cold, rather allowing you to love her?

Some men, living alone for some time, wonder who their spouse was for him - a source of inspiration and joy or a burden.

In some cases, the only solution is divorce

When does staying in a relationship when you fall out of love make no sense? It's only a matter of time before divorce is imminent. There are several signs that a relationship cannot be saved:

Wife is cheating . If we are talking about a systematic relationship with another man for whom you have feelings, it is unlikely that your attempts to save the marriage are justified and appropriate.
Moral, psychological violence . If one of you is constantly being abused, sacrificing for a fragile peace, and facing humiliation, the relationship is doomed.
No compromise . Does your wife blame you for everything, but does not see her own guilt, although it is obvious? It is unlikely that such a policy will lead to harmony; sooner or later the marriage will collapse anyway.
Different visions of the future . If your plans for your future life diverge radically, everyone sees their future in their own way, the relationship is doomed.
Lack of any contact . When there is no communication, interaction, tenderness, tactility and even sex in a couple, with a great desire to preserve a fragile peace, this will be impossible.

Well, the main indicator that the solution should be divorce is mutual indifference, lack of respect. Neither children nor common property will be able to keep you together for long.

Advice from a psychologist on getting your spouse back and building relationships

The main assistant in matters of maintaining relationships is a psychologist. He has all the information about what reasons ruin marriages, what causes feelings to pass, and what ways they can be renewed. Tips for getting your wife back and building relationships will be as follows:

change everything - if before you paid little attention to your wife, now show her the opposite attitude, give her compliments, help, show concern;
give up accusations - any reproaches lead to disputes, scandals, because of which cooled feelings go away even more; on the contrary, praise your wife for any even insignificant act, support any decisions;
revive romance and flirting - arrange dates, pleasant surprises for her, arrange such meetings with which you once won her heart at the stage of courtship;
don’t let the bed get cold - surprise her as much as you can, show how good she can be with you in sex, take the initiative;
establish trusting communication - only in this case you will always be able to express dissatisfaction and complaints without scandals, and also learn from her in a timely manner what you can do to offend or upset your companion.

My wife said she doesn't love me.

Question for a psychologist:

Good afternoon, I am 33 years old. My wife is also 33 years old. There is a 2 year old child. Married for 10 years. The situation is the following: the wife says that she doesn’t love, the feelings died, that she tried to support them, but I did nothing and killed everything. There has been no intimacy for several months now - she says that she doesn’t want intimacy with me and she doesn’t like me. There have been many scandals in the past, both are emotional people. We couldn’t get pregnant for 6 years, we did IVF several times, it was a very difficult pregnancy, we went through a lot together, both good and bad, we fought a lot, but there was a lot of good as well. My wife is very vindictive and during the relationship she reminds me of the same mistakes (either he bought the wrong flowers for discharge, or he joked in the wrong way, or he didn’t come to the hospital to see her much and went not because he wanted to, but because, according to her, he was serving his prison sentence , that he went for half an hour and not for two hours, when he was in custody, although I worked and earned money), there was also an acute situation - my brother is registered in my apartment, he doesn’t claim anything, it was just necessary, As a result, she demanded for 5 years that he be discharged, as a result there was a conflict with her brother, and she felt that I had made her out to be a monster because of this situation, she recalls problems even 5-7-10 years ago. At the moment, my wife has been on maternity leave for 3 years and is planning to go back to work, but it’s not a fact that it will work out, because... the place is occupied. We live in my apartment and at my expense, I earn normally, basically we have enough for everything, we have two cars, an apartment, in general I look normal, other women seem to like me. But that's not the point. During another attempt to pester me for sex, we had a conversation and she laid out all her grievances and complaints to me, she considers me not a man but a little boy, from her words, that I scatter socks, that we don’t go anywhere, that I don’t do things around the house , until you kick me that I come home late from work, that he loves me as the father of a child, but does not see a man in me, wants her to “sleep with her, not a boy, but a man.”. I don’t know what to do. I didn’t leave, I said that I admitted all my mistakes and was ready to improve, to become better. I don’t know what to do, on the one hand I’m ready to work on myself in order to save the family and improve the quality of our life, but after reading other stories, everyone writes that if a woman says that, then this is the end and all attempts to improve the relationship will only make her angry . After the conversation, we seem to be communicating normally, laughing, making plans - we are going to do cosmetic repairs, he offered to go on vacation abroad - he does not refuse. When asked to go with me to the store to choose doors for repair, he does not refuse. She says that she understands that I need a woman, and that if you want to find someone for sex, she suggested that we live as friends. But at the same time, when someone female calls me, they often ask who she is. Recently there was a moment - while we were sitting in the kitchen and drinking tea, it so happened that she jokingly climbed on me, and it so happened that they started kissing, etc. It almost got to the point of intimacy, but she stopped and said that it was just physiology and that she promised herself after our last quarrel not to engage and that’s it. After that there was nothing more, he said not to touch or pester me. After talking to her, she said let’s try, maybe something will click with her, but she doubts and doesn’t believe that I can change. We love our son, and our son loves us. Makes us both happy. I don't know what to do, what to do right. Did someone else show up? I don’t know, maybe only if it’s virtually, because I stopped taking care of myself in the sense that I don’t do hair removal. I asked her directly, what if there is someone, tell me, because... Then this option will only be a divorce for me. She says that while she lives with me, she will not look for anyone and there is no one, but still she does not love me and is not attracted to me as a man. After the problems started, I gave her a lot of gifts - a new iPhone, jewelry, new clothes. But once she expressed that I wanted to buy it, then I replied that I would not take gifts, to which she replied that there was compensation for all my mistakes and that I had never given anything before, although of course this is not the case. Separately, it is worth noting the situation with discharge from the maternity hospital, I did not have time to prepare the apartment and everything for her discharge, a lot of work piled up - I was launching a new workshop for work. My mother bought the flowers - the usual 5 roses. Why did she eat my brains out with this bouquet, she constantly makes a complaint about it, although before that I gave her many different flowers and gorgeous bouquets, I gave her after both on Mother’s Day and on my son’s birthday, but she doesn’t say the same anymore. All finances are entirely on me, food, apartment, expenses for the child, maintenance and refueling of her car - everything is on me. I’m trying to make money through Instagram trading - I also help a lot - I distribute goods, pick up parcels, send them. It may seem that she is bad and I am good. But this is not so, of course I also made a lot of mistakes, maybe even a lot, when there were scandals, I said a lot of unnecessary things, several times I even told her to pack her things and clean up (which she then constantly pointed out to me that I was kicking her out, although of course, it was in a quarrel, based on emotions, and no one would have kicked anyone out), he devoted his parents to the details when communicating. Which is probably not worth doing. Although I'm sure she did the same. She is a good wife and mother, she cooks well, does laundry and cleans, she is an intelligent and interesting person, albeit with a difficult character. I am more gentle, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I have a good relationship with my wife’s parents, as well as with all her relatives. My wife complains that I’m depressed and boring, that I don’t want to go anywhere, etc. I have a lot of shortcomings, I agree, that are worth working on and that can actually be removed. I would like to continue living with her, I would like everything to be fine with us, because... In addition to the negative things that I described, there were a lot of good things. In general, I don’t know what to do. I read a lot about how you shouldn’t humiliate yourself and ask for sex, etc. you have to be such that they want you. But does this make sense? After all, they say that if a woman stops loving me, that she doesn’t like me as a man, then that’s all. She offered to remain friends and maintain a good relationship for the sake of the child and for the sake of what happened. After I said let’s slow down, admitted all the mistakes and asked for forgiveness, offer to move on with my life and I’ll try to give her what she lacks. She agreed to try, but said that she didn’t want to get my hopes up and didn’t want to hurt me. That she’s also scared of ruining everything, but it’s better to do it now than at 40 or 50 years old. She wants to be loved, she thinks that I don’t love her. At first, of course, I took it all painfully. Now I've calmed down. I was advised to continue to live like my neighbors, just find a girl for sex and that’s it. If all that's missing is sex. I could do that and there are options. But I haven’t changed it yet. I want a normal relationship with my wife and a normal family. I want to fix everything. One day she told me that I have the right to find a woman for sex, because... she doesn't sleep with me. She once said that after pregnancy, after every sex with me, she always has discharge and the doctors don’t know why. I don't know if this is true or not. In general, everything is complicated, I ask you to advise what should I do? go for a divorce or continue to live as if nothing had happened and wait that maybe something will change or fall apart on its own. I love my son, I don’t want to lose him and I don’t want to be a Sunday dad. I probably love my wife too, or maybe not, I don’t know. I thought that I loved him, but after everything that was said, there was some kind of sediment in my soul. Thank you if you have read everything, I apologize for the lengthy text. Thank you.

Question author: Maxim Age: 33