How to get out of depression after divorce: psychology, stages

Definition

Depression is a mental disorder, a state of deep sadness in which the ability to be active, interested in hobbies, or feel joy disappears, which is accompanied by impaired thinking. The duration of this condition or similar disorder varies. It depends on the type of nervous system, the ability to understand emotions, control thoughts, and switch attention from internal to external. Any struggle begins with awareness, and acceptance of the fact of illness speeds up treatment. Paths out of a depressed state should be laid out depending on internal preferences. Depression does not have a permanent basis, it serves as a reminder of the presence of addictions, lack of awareness and self-control. This is essentially an emotional connotation of the fact of failure. An interesting type of addiction is addiction. It means passion for some activity and can be characterized as attachment to an object, phenomenon or person. A modern example of this would be Internet addiction, when the lack of a network in a person causes a kind of “withdrawal.” The concept of addiction makes you think about the depth of suffering and makes it possible to think about simple and effective ways to get out of depression after a breakup.

Depression after breakup: causes

Parting, especially after a long relationship or strong feelings, is an acute social situation, the result of which should be humility. Accepting a new life is especially painful for people with an unstable nervous system who take events to heart.

The main causes of depression after a breakup lie deep in psychology:

unmet expectations, abandonment of plans and dreams. In relationships, everyone sees their future quite clearly: further rapprochement, creation of a strong family, joint large purchases, the birth of children. Parting crosses out these plans, a void is formed: it is not clear what to dream about, where to strive. I don’t want to urgently come up with new plans if the old ones were so good and smooth;
wounded pride. Living together seems to confirm: this is a reliable, adequate person, since he is loved, appreciated and expected. But after parting, other thoughts come: I am so good, but they abandoned me. Trying to understand why this happened, blaming a former partner for a disagreement, anger, and frustration depress the nervous system.

Depression after a breakup is one of the stages of accepting a new life. It comes after three others:

denial: “we can’t part so easily, because we have a whole life behind us.” An attempt to pretend that the disagreement happened with someone else;
anger: “It is he (she) who is to blame for the separation. How could such a wonderful union be destroyed?” An attempt to find the culprit in the person of the partner;
bargaining: “if he (she) decides to return, I will tell him these words.” Ideas about how to behave so that the situation improves, whether to worry or not to worry, what to do to spite your ex-partner, etc.;
depression: “Who will love me now? How to live without his (her) daily smiles and touches.” This is an important part of accepting the situation and it takes time. It can be the most difficult and lengthy stage; normally, the acute period lasts up to three weeks;
acceptance: “really, everything went well, and it was very good. Now there is a new life ahead.” Return of interest in the world around you, new acquaintances and new relationships.

After a person comes out of depression after a breakup, he becomes open to a new connection. If the exit was carried out correctly, with all stages of humility being experienced, only warm memories and experiences will remain from the previous relationship.

Symptoms

There are three main states of depression:

Denial as a stress reaction to what is happening. Unwillingness to accept facts.
Aggression as a result of the mind understanding that the relationship is doomed.
Apathy as the most protracted period. This is a lack of desire for any activity that turns into depression over several months or years.

After parting, the energetic invisible connection only intensifies, thoughts arise about resuming communication despite its logical conclusion, and withdrawal begins. A person has a victim complex, a feeling of being the injured party, and an intention to restore justice arises. At the same time, an aggression complex appears, an inability to come to terms with what happened, and even a desire for revenge.

The face of depression

Each couple separates in their own way, some are already living a separate life while married, and divorce is just a legal formality.

And for some, the news of a breakup becomes a real tragedy that needs to be accepted and somehow survived.

In any case, after the breakup of a family, men and women experience a psychologically difficult time. The question arises - how to return to normal life and harmony within yourself?

In some cases, the “victims” of divorce become depressed.

Psychologists define this illness as an affective state accompanied by the following symptoms:

negative emotional background;
passivity of behavior;
changes in cognitive ideas;
change in the motivational component.

To put it simply, a person sees life in black terms without any chance of a happy future. Therefore, he has a bad mood, sad notes and loss of strength. Any attempts to encourage the “poor fellow” to take any action come across the question “why, if nothing will change anyway?”

Stages of the disease state

How to get out of depression after a breakup? Until the sufferer frees himself from psychological dependence, the uncomfortable feeling of oppression will not go away. The following steps must be completed:

Pain and regression. The first step to getting out of a depressed state is to recognize your suffering and, as a result, the need for healing. Shocks and friction are inevitable during life's journey. Internal conflict as a result of separation, like pain, is inevitable and natural, which is normal even for the most stable psyche. All that remains is to experience them correctly. The mental perception of problems and adaptation to them can be considered using the example of the movement of a car: its wear and tear depends both on the condition of the roads and on the quality of the vehicle itself, its maneuverability, elasticity and pliability of the wheels. Similar to driving along a bumpy road, stubborn mental resistance to facts continues to fuel conflict within and thereby create “friction”, suffering. The sooner you agree with what happened, the less worry it will require. Any other reason can lead to depression, and not just the fact that the husband left for someone else. This includes job loss, an emergency, and disappointment.
Anger. It should be understood that a painful state is a link in a cause-and-effect chain, and in order to break it, a new emotional experience is needed. Of course, it may take time for a 40-year-old woman to naturally desire a new life when she is depressed. To get out of the role of an ex-wife, find your own methods of self-realization. To renew your state of mind, you should first resort to forced measures that will bring positivity. In this way, the psyche will switch to another type of activity. Emotions driven inside will slow down healing: this period is suitable for visiting the gym, as well as for self-expression, which will allow you to throw out the accumulated negativity. A great way to get rid of pain and negative emotions is to keep a personal diary.
Guilt. After the release of anger during a period of depression comes a feeling of guilt for wrong actions, for the divorce that occurred, for the fact that the husband left for another. Constant worries at this stage become chronic, and then this threatens prolonged depression and deterioration in health. The solution is not to take responsibility for what happened; both parties are to blame for any separation. Man is not omnipotent; there are enough different reasons for every event. It is enough to think about your part of the blame, and finally come to terms with the situation.
Despair. During this period, depression after divorce in women is characterized by absolute powerlessness, insurmountable melancholy, and the feeling that everything connected with the partner is lost forever. It is important to let go of the situation emotionally, to give free rein to your feelings. The heart needs to ache and be freed so as not to project the old experience onto a fresh round of events.
Identification. Items that remind you of your ex have no place in your sight. But when the peak of pain passes, allow yourself to complete the situation: think one last time about the person who brought you happiness and suffering. When summing up all events, focus on the good. To reduce internal conflict to a minimum, every time you return your thoughts to an exhausted relationship, thank fate for the past. And the cycle of suffering due to memories will gradually end.
Adoption. You treat the past as an experience; the pain has passed and only reminds you of itself. Having reached this stage, you already understand in your mind and heart how to get out of depression after a breakup. The experience gained has brought changes, some of them positive, and you move on.

Symptoms of post-divorce depression in women

After a divorce, many women lose the desire to take care of themselves. Familiar and favorite things and activities that used to bring joy now only irritate. I want the whole world to leave you alone. Loss of appetite, loss of sleep, and in the morning it is simply impossible to get out of bed.

Quite often, labor productivity deteriorates, since it is difficult for a woman to concentrate on performing professional duties, forgetting about mental pain. Symptoms of psychosomatic diseases appear, such as dizziness, colds, general malaise, chronic diseases may worsen, and negative character traits may begin to appear very sharply. Such symptoms are caused by the desire of the psyche to protect itself from additional stress.

If a woman in a similar condition contacts a specialist, he will note a period of post-divorce depression. But what is depression? This is a mood disorder that is known medically to be quite serious and requires attention and treatment. A condition in which self-esteem, mood and interest in life drop to almost zero []. As a rule, depression after a divorce is accompanied by a constant feeling of guilt; the woman is constantly depressed and worried. Problems with sleep disturbances are also common: too much sleepiness or insomnia.

Of course, post-divorce depression will manifest itself differently for everyone and to varying degrees of severity, but experts have identified several main manifestations that you should pay attention to:

After her divorce from Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, according to her testimony, experienced all the symptoms of post-divorce depression
lack of motivation, indifference, chronic fatigue;
acute sensitivity to criticism or neglect;
state of apathy, lack of interest in life;
acute feeling of resentment;
feeling of helplessness and hopelessness;
inappropriate behavior, low self-esteem;
frequent thoughts of death, suicide;
inability to concentrate, forgetfulness;
the occurrence of hypochondria - too much concern for one’s health, in the absence of visible physiological causes or manifestations;
problem of alcohol or drug addiction. It arises due to the fact that in pursuit of a “cure” for mental pain, a woman who is more susceptible to emotional experiences may resort to the help of such means. It is also worth noting here the dependence on antidepressants and sedatives;
sudden changes in mood: it can change several times within a short period of time. A woman can be in a state of euphoria, but within a few seconds she can become hysterical or depressed.

It is necessary to distinguish the state of depression from passing sadness. If a woman after a divorce for a long time, more than a month, is constantly in a depressed state, which affects her well-being, then you need to seriously think about whether the reaction to the breakup of a relationship is developing into clinical depression? A disorder that can lead not only to a nervous breakdown, but even suicide. That is why, at the first signs of depression, a person needs to receive qualified help from a psychologist.

The very concept of “divorce” sounds scary and hopeless, which is why many women try very hard to keep their family together for as long as possible. But if the inevitable did happen, how to live after that?

Biological factor

According to research, any hobby is associated with the release of norepinephrine in the body. It is human nature to get used to the concentration of this substance in the blood. Otherwise, panic begins, the desire to resume the usual pleasure by any means. It also follows that hobbies are relatively interchangeable. It is no secret that the soul and body are interconnected, so physical activity is not limited to improving health, it shapes the mental state. It is enough to change the daily schedule by including several points in it: a contrast shower, morning exercises, active recreation, hobbies, and soon the moment will come when enjoying this lifestyle will become a necessity.

How to reduce the symptoms of a painful condition

What methods should you resort to and how to cope with depression after a breakup? It would be necessary, regardless of the fact of separation, to go beyond enjoying food, communicating with a partner and shopping, expanding the list not only with what catches the eye, but also with other areas of interest. What new hobbies were present in your life before the breakup? The truth is that the soul needs new impressions, without them it is impossible. Think about long-unfulfilled desires: now is the best time to give them maximum attention. Let's consider effective ways to lift your mood:

Communicative (the number of options is not limited): avoid isolation while you are choosing an activity for your soul, avoid loneliness if possible. Look for any reason to go out into the world, visit an exhibition, museum, cinema, or take part in holidays.
Take care of yourself: a beautiful image in the mirror will raise your self-esteem. Sign up for massage treatments, discover other ways to please yourself.
Find a way to throw out the accumulated internal negativity, for example, go to the gym, spend time outdoors, which will eliminate as much as possible the preconditions for poor physical well-being.
Visit places of spiritual peace, such as a church.
Engage in self-development, practice auto-training.
Use art therapy (vocals, painting, dancing). They show life from the best side, and it also gives you the opportunity to meet like-minded people.
Take additional courses. Perhaps a new interesting profession will be the beginning of the next stage of life and a practical answer to the question of how a woman can get out of depression on her own.
Occupational therapy. Work is a great way of self-realization: it’s a good idea to combine mental recovery time with professional or other success.
Correlate the period of separation with the beginning of a new thing in your life, take up repairs, change your home environment, get rid of unnecessary things, change your place of residence. Although there is no guarantee that new impressions will dominate unpleasant emotions.
Animal-assisted therapy. A pet will relieve stress after a hard day and become a source of positivity.
Gastronomic is not the best, but ideal if it accompanies improved health and physical fitness. Make sure you have serotonin in your diet (chocolate, bananas, raisins, nuts, seafood, eggs, liver).
Medication. An undesirable method, because antidepressants can cause addiction.

How to get out of depression?

There are several proven methods:

Analyze what happened and turn the situation in your favor. Where to begin? To do this, it is always important to understand that parting is the fault of both partners. This means that even if your partner was the initiator of the breakup, you have a chance to analyze your behavior in order to understand what exactly you did wrong. But don’t get hung up on self-examination, otherwise it may seem to you that only you are to blame for the breakup. And this is the path to low self-esteem, when a person feels that he is not good for anything, including not ready for a new relationship. Perceive the situation in such a way that you have a chance to work on yourself and avoid making previous mistakes. For example, you realized after breaking up that you rarely listened to your friend or husband, always “pulling the blanket over yourself” and making decisions yourself. And maybe this was not exactly the reason for your breakup, but it also probably played a role. Therefore, in the next relationship that you will definitely have, you will already be able to take into account the mistakes of the past. It’s also worth thinking about: How happy were you, especially recently, before the breakup?

Maybe this relationship could no longer be called healthy, and you were clutching at straws in the hope of continuing? Think sensibly - why? Unhealthy meetings that do not bring positivity and joy cannot lead to anything good. The breakup was inevitable, so why?

Take for granted the fact that you were still unhappy in this relationship, even if it seems to you that everything was the other way around. After all, you cannot constantly be deceived and be happy unilaterally.

Change your way of thinking. Don’t get hung up on your ex-partner, don’t torment yourself with memories, think about your prospects for the future. It's difficult. This may be the hardest thing to do. But if you can overcome negative and destructive thoughts on your own, consider that everything else will work out for you! If painful memories come to you, distract yourself. To work, to friends. Find yourself a part-time job, even if you don’t have free time. Go where you haven't gone before. Do something you haven't done before. And then new sensations will certainly create new thoughts, and you will be able to gradually move aside the past and focus on a bright future. Look ahead. Remember, a person who lives in the past has practically no future, because he does not create a visible image of it even in his imagination. This does not mean that by drawing pictures to yourself, you will necessarily turn them into reality. But this is a chance to forget about the past forever.

Turn your attention away from those who need your help. This helps you forget about your own problems.

Be physically active. Many of us simply do not understand the impact of physical activity on the way we think. But in vain! If you haven’t played sports before, be sure to go to the pool (buy a monthly subscription first - it will get you hooked), go to the gym or just go to the gym to lift weights. This way you will have the opportunity to throw out negative emotions. If you really need it, you feel such a need (it doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman), scream, cry, sob, just don’t make it your constant pastime. And again - into sports. All negative emotions will go in the right direction - according to the law of energy. Do yoga, it helps you concentrate on yourself and your lifestyle, and turn your thoughts in a positive direction.

Even simple exercise, if you haven’t done it for many years, will help you. Try starting to exercise in the morning when you are depressed, and you will certainly feel the results!

Take care of your health. Surely, due to stress, some diseases have worsened or you simply feel a lack of vitamins. Try to support your body with vitamin cocktails and complexes.

By focusing on your health, you will begin to pay attention to yourself and your body, and this is useful when self-esteem begins to suffer.

Accept reality. This is also sometimes very difficult to do. Your thoughts are still there, in your past relationship. Perhaps you still hope that your partner will return. But you need to understand that such thoughts will only drive you even more into depression. If it’s all over, you need to say these words to yourself out loud and mentally think only in this direction. There is no need to hope for anything or make plans for the return of your loved one. Don't be afraid to be alone. It is good because it helps you understand yourself at the initial stage. And then - go to people. To friends, relatives, new acquaintances. The presence of these people will help you take your mind off sad thoughts and indulge in new experiences.

Everyone who has gone through a breakup with a loved one, at some stage thought that they would never be able to love someone the same way or be as happy again. But time passes, and most people enter into new relationships. Some then have difficulty remembering past relationships and sincerely do not understand why they suffered so much!

Don't isolate yourself. This is not an option. Even if you often want to be alone, it is only useful as a temporary phenomenon. After all, being alone with your thoughts, you run the risk of constantly thinking about what you need to forget. And you will be forced to talk with people on other topics, answer questions, discuss their problems too. It is advisable to communicate with those who cannot, by chance or by chance, arrange a meeting for you with your ex-partner - this is completely useless. People who care about your condition and sincerely want to help you will not remind you of what hurts you, what opens your wounds. Psychologists recommend acquiring as many new people as possible in your environment - they will bring new impressions and new thoughts.

Here we are not talking about immediately finding a replacement for a former lover or lover. This just won't help. New people mean new friends, hobby buddies, etc.

Make a new life plan (future goals and path to achieve). Perspective is what separates a healthy, positive-thinking person from a depressed person. A subject with depression differs precisely in that he is not able to think in terms of the future. Set new goals for yourself. They can be anything: find another job, move to a new place, learn to do something you've never done before. Determine what resources you have to do this. What needs to be done to achieve a new goal as an intermediate result. This will not only take your mind off depressive thoughts, but will also focus your thinking on the future, distracting you from the past and your sad memories.

Change yourself or something about yourself. For example, change your hairstyle, image, etc. This mainly helps the woman. There will definitely be a result. You'll see!

Get rid of things that remind you of your ex-partner. This is an important point in preventing or combating depression. It often happens that we place photographs of our loved ones around, store their things, not allowing them to “get out of sight.” And things are always memories. He wore this shirt on a date with me for the first time, here we are happy together, but we found this stone on the Black Sea coast, etc. And again memories of the past begin, which at such moments begins to be idealized. It seems that everything was so good, but if it had been “not this or not that,” then perhaps everything would have gone differently and... the same circle that has already been described. But it's all over! You have accepted reality. And you don’t need things from the past that again turn on depression. If they are incredibly precious to you and you just can’t throw them away, collect everything and put it out of sight. And then, when you come out of this state, you will begin to look at them completely differently. Either not at all, or simply with tenderness about what it was. This is how you remember something happy, something that taught you a lot, but remains in the past where it belongs. Until you are ready for this, get rid of what hurts.

If you broke up with your husband and are now thinking about how to get out of depression after breaking up with your beloved man, getting rid of things will be more difficult, but possible. Minimize all the photos of you together around you, remove, if possible, what you bought together. If it’s completely unbearable, go somewhere for the first time.

If you cannot cope with depression on your own, be sure to consult a psychologist. The specialist will immediately determine how to help you, because he will accurately understand your condition, your temperament, your psychological state. Therefore, do not isolate yourself.

Treatment

The following methods are used:

Pharmacotherapy. Used for prolonged depression in advanced cases. Antidepressants such as sertraline, mirtazapine, and venlafaxine are recommended. Treatment is carried out under the supervision of a specialist for months or years.
Psychotherapy. Effective techniques include interpersonal, cognitive-behavioral, client-centered, and psychoanalysis.
Social therapy. Promotes the adaptation of a person suffering from depression through individual or discussion therapy and occupational therapy.

Electroconvulsive therapy. The method involves passing an electric current through the brain to produce mood-enhancing substances. The procedure requires anesthesia and drugs to relax the muscles.

If a person abuses alcohol during a period of prolonged depression, then he aggravates his condition. A visit to a psychologist may be required, and in special cases, hospitalization until complete recovery.

To help mindfulness

Treatment can be varied, but the universal path is, of course, an expansion of consciousness, a development in which the severity becomes subdued or does not arise at all. Should you think about how to survive depression after a breakup or take a serious step towards improvement? It is not surprising that some use spiritual practices, prayerful appeal to God - this is how awareness gains strength, and the individual gains control over his condition.

Everything in the world is relative. And only now this situation looks catastrophic. The fact that the husband left may sound discouraging, although it is not known what was avoided or lost in an objective sense. Why not assume that there is a better option that is still being ignored? Calculate the benefits of breaking up.
Sadness is a component of human egoism and an indicator that the sufferer focuses attention on himself. The highest meaning of relationships is to give, to give, and not to demand. After all, your ex-partner also did not receive something from you. Initially, the interaction, full of conditions, is short-lived.
Depression takes away strength and cancels out any positive changes. Keep a success diary where memorable dates and results of achievements will be recorded. Change for the better has an inspiring power.
Plan for positive events; don't live in the past.

How to avoid getting depressed after a breakup?

In the first days after a breakup, you can do several things that will reduce pain, blues and melancholy by at least some percentage:

drive away your fears. Breaking up is not the end of the world. You are neither a victim nor an executioner, it was just destined to be so. It’s better to say goodbye to the illusions of a joyful picture now than to suffer for many years trying to establish family life with a stranger;
work through two lists on paper: with positive and negative qualities of your ex-partner. Re-read the second column often;
find a grateful listener to whom you can pour out all the accumulated pain in one evening. The more negativity that comes out immediately after the breakup, the faster and easier the depression after the breakup will pass;
think more often that everything will pass. Open up to something new, let the world into your heart, which until recently was completely occupied by one person.

Simple ways

There are many ways to lift your mood. Some require the development of skills and stable habits, others are primitive but work quickly. The listed options can tell a woman how to get out of depression on her own. Therapy at home:

Watching a motivating film that will shift attention from personal problems to the global worldview or experiences of the characters.
Beautiful music that does not require participation and deeply affects the perception.
A “stop signal,” for example, in the form of an elastic band on the wrist: when the thought appears that your husband has left you, you need to pull it back: with a blow, attention will switch to external pain. Such a “start button” or “switch” is chosen according to your preference.
Do your current affairs differently than usual: watching this will distract your attention.
Insomnia therapy: lack of sleep for more than a day will drive away all depressive and suicidal thoughts.

Traditional methods

Plants come to the aid of those who avoid medications, which are sometimes tantamount to drugs. Among them are the following:

St. John's wort. Hypericin is a valuable natural antidepressant from St. John's wort. This substance is much more effective than chemicals. Infusion recipe: 2 teaspoons of St. John's wort per 200 ml of boiling water (3 times a day, 10 minutes after brewing, course - 30 days).
Schizandra. Leaves and berries of schizandra bark are useful for healing, restoring strength, improving the functioning of the nervous system and heart. The fruits of Chinese lemongrass are brewed as tea. Crushed seeds are consumed 0.5 g before meals. Jam is prepared from the berries; they are brewed: a spoonful of lemongrass in a cup of boiling water. Take 2 spoons before meals 4 times a day.

Passionflower. This plant has a gentle effect on the nervous system, effectively eliminates anxiety, and promotes good sleep. It is recommended to use an infusion: a teaspoon of herb per 150 mg of boiling water. A minute after brewing the passionflower, filter it and drink it.

It will take some time before depression after separation from a loved one can be adequately assessed. How can one not recall the ring of the Hebrew king with the inscription: “Everything passes!” It is worth keeping in mind that you will be more pleased if this period was experienced with dignity. Pay enough attention to yourself, resort to the services of specialists, do not leave conscious voids inside, and the crisis will be forced to recede.

List of the main causes of depression

After separating from her husband, a woman goes through a difficult grief phase. From now on, she must learn to live alone, get used to the fact that she has no one else to count on. Dealing with the loss of a relationship is far from easy. Personal psychology is such that we become attached to loved ones. If you have to lose them, despair and hopelessness begin to set in. Crying about what you have experienced is a completely normal state. A rupture is almost a surgical procedure. It is not possible to overcome it quickly. Depression can last six months or more. Let's look at the reasons themselves.

READ

How to survive a breakup: methods and advice from a psychologist

Loss of meaning in life

After a breakup, the necessary guidelines are lost. Everything happens as if in a fog, the usual boundaries are erased. If previously a husband and wife lived for each other, now they have to rebuild their inner world. Each individual learns to understand and notice individual needs, to live based on their own inner core.

Loss of emotional intimacy

When in a relationship, a guy and a girl reach a deep level of interaction. Over time, they learn to understand each other perfectly. This allows them not to become confused or find themselves in a state of impasse.

Timely problem solving allows you to quickly overcome sadness, anxiety and hopelessness. In the event of a breakup, people begin to realize that significant points of contact have been lost.