Philophobia: fear of falling in love in women and men, fear of love and close relationships with the opposite sex, test for the presence of a phobia

Good day, dear readers. Every girl deserves to start her own family, be happy in a relationship with a young man, and make plans for the future. However, not all young ladies are able to easily look to the future and start a family. Today we will talk about what to do if you are afraid of a relationship with a man. You will find out what reasons most often influence the formation of such fear. You will learn valuable advice on how girls should behave in such a situation.

Causes of fear

Often, a girl’s fear of a serious relationship arises due to the fact that in childhood her father regularly beat her mother
. If a woman is afraid of relationships with men, she must understand why this happens.

1. Female infantility. The girl believes that a prince on a white horse should be next to her. She overly idealizes the man she gets into a relationship with. Over time, the guy gets bored and breaks off their connection. The trouble is that subsequent relationships also end in separation, and the girl develops complexes and is afraid of stepping on the same rake again.
2. Low self-esteem. Finding herself next to a man, the girl feels insecure, shy, and speaks incomprehensibly. It always seems to her that a man is not interested in her, that he will soon notice all her shortcomings and decide to break up, so he does not strive to start a serious relationship.
3. You can hear the phrase “I’m afraid of a relationship with a guy” from a girl if she previously had a deplorable experience, for example, there was betrayal by a man, perhaps betrayal. It is difficult for a young lady to start a serious relationship if she is haunted by the past; the past pain has formed into distrust of people, in particular, of the opposite sex.
4. A girl may have mistrust of all people. Perhaps she is closed in communication. Such a young lady has a number of fears, for example, she thinks that the guy’s feelings may not be real, he is just playing with her, she is worried that sooner or later he will meet another girl and want to start a relationship with her, she is afraid that she has become another victory in the man's list.
5. If a girl grows up with a mother who does not build relationships with men, most likely she will have such difficulties in adult life. She simply copies her mother’s behavior model on a subconscious level.
6. Most often, fear of relationships occurs in women who grew up next to a despot father. The girl is afraid that her chosen one will behave in a similar way.

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Sequencing

If you are familiar with the phrase “I’m afraid of serious relationships with men,” then you’ve probably had to think more than once about how to overcome this fear in yourself.

1. First of all, it is important to identify the cause of fear. If you cannot determine it yourself, then it would not be a bad idea to seek advice from a psychologist.
2. Try to explore your needs and also find out what your partner needs. The girl must determine whether they are ready to move to the level of a serious relationship, whether there is a tendency to cheat, what is their financial stability, whether their lifestyles are similar, and whether there are traits in the guy that she cannot come to terms with.
3. Stop being afraid of what lies ahead, don't think about future obligations. It is possible that your fear arose due to the fact that thoughts appeared about the possible loss of your personality, that one day a child will be born who will have to devote himself, there will be no time left for his own life. In such a situation, it is important to realize that you will not find yourself alone, there will be a loving partner nearby. To make it easier to overcome the fear of the future, make lists in which you can clearly distribute responsibilities, as well as write down the things that you will do together. You can try to start an experiment, see if you can exist together.
4. Learn to compromise and eliminate unnecessary conflicts. If you see that there are scandals in your relationship with your boyfriend at the moment, then it’s time to stop them. It is important to learn to calm down yourself and bring your partner to his senses. Remember that sometimes it is the girl who becomes the source of scandals. Try to look at yourself from the outside, reevaluate your priorities.
5. If you are afraid of future obligations, you can try to test yourself. If you are afraid that over time a baby will appear that will be difficult to cope with, then you can try to babysit a neighbor’s child or even get a job as a nanny.

Fear of new relationships after a breakup

Starting a new relationship is always scary. After all, only sincere relationships can be good, and this means trusting someone. It can be quite difficult to overcome the unconscious fear that haunts you after a recent breakup. The fear that they will hurt you, that they will not meet your hopes, provokes philophobia. I’m not in love with anyone, which means I’m protected, no one can offend me. This position leads to loneliness and depression. A striking character is the birdwoman from everyone’s favorite Christmas comedy Home Alone 2, an exaggerated image of a lonely woman who left only pigeons in her entourage after experiencing pain in a relationship with a person.

Fear of new relationships usually occurs after several failures. The most interesting thing is that this is more than natural, however, people are not always ready to take responsibility for failure. For example, a girl has some characteristic attitudes and behavioral patterns (templates). Her relationship is falling apart, whether it's her or her partner's, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that without changing anything at all, she dives into a new relationship with the same set of behavioral strategies. And again the gap. And so again and again. What does the girl think about this?

1. All men are the same! All goats. It's better to be alone.
2. What am I doing wrong?

If the first option is closer to you, then you shouldn’t be surprised that you will continue to come across “goats”, or conscious loneliness. If you begin to suspect that if Vasya, Petya, and Syoma left, then maybe it’s not just them, then there is hope!

Adviсe

Look at the happy couples and families. It is important to make sure that the relationship can have a happy continuation when moving to a serious stage

If you are familiar with the phrase “I’m afraid of relationships with men,” then it’s time to come to the realization that it’s time to overcome these fears within yourself, learn to live fully, and easily establish relationships with people of the opposite sex.

1. If a girl is afraid to start a relationship because of a bad experience, she must come to the realization that no two people are exactly the same, and if she was betrayed once, this does not mean that this will happen again.
2. A woman must learn to listen to her inner voice, to her intuition. If she feels that the person who is next to her is not sent to create a serious relationship, then she needs to let him go. Perhaps you are not afraid of relationships in general, but you are afraid of the future together with a specific partner who is now nearby.
3. If a girl is afraid that a guy will sooner or later stop loving her or meet someone else, then with such thoughts she only provokes this. It is important to believe in yourself, in your uniqueness, perfection, in the fact that your partner’s feelings are real and he will never betray you. At the same time, it is necessary not to exclude such a possibility and treat it with a calm soul. A woman must understand that if this happens and the guy really breaks up with her, then he is not her destiny, there is nothing to be upset about. He was simply sent for experience.
4. If you are afraid to start a relationship with a man because he may turn out to be a tyrant or despot, you need to realize that if something happens, you can simply pack your things and leave. Of course, there is no need to endure such bullying. If this fear is dictated by a sad experience from childhood, then you need to program yourself so that on your way you will not come across the same man as your mother once met. Convince yourself that you deserve a good, caring person and sooner or later he will be there.
5. If the unknown scares you, then watch couples who are happy and spending time together, for example, walking with their children on the playground or having fun at the shopping center. Think about the fact that you deserve to be happy and have your own family.
6. If you have too low self-esteem and fear that the guy will eventually be disappointed that he decided to start a family with such a girl, then it’s time to start loving yourself, prove to yourself and everyone around you that you are a beautiful, smart and caring woman.

Now you know what to do if a girl is afraid of a relationship with a guy. Remember that, first of all, you need to determine the reasons that provoke the emergence of fear. If you can’t cope on your own, you shouldn’t be afraid to seek help from a psychologist. Every woman deserves the right to be happy and have the opportunity to start her own family, to find a loved one nearby who will become her support and support for the rest of her life.

Fear of relationships. I want them and I’m afraid.

Hello, Elizaveta.

Perhaps there is only one thing in your situation that creates interference for the relationship: you direct a lot of attention and energy to the topic of the relationship. That is, you analyze a lot, think about why you are not in a relationship, and thereby create tension. First of all, for myself. And men pick up on this. They quickly and without thinking read whether a woman is tense or open and relaxed.

And the way out of this situation is to accept yourself. The self that is currently free.

Not lonely, but free and ready for a relationship. This way you will begin to feel light and truly open to relationships.

This may surprise you, but your family is not an obstacle to relationships, since absolutely every person was traumatized in one way or another in childhood.

And each of your friends, who now, as you write, easily meet the opposite sex in stores and other places, also have their own history, their own childhood experiences, perhaps even family tragedies.

The only difference between them and you is that they have lightness. They do not think about relationships, but enter into them.

Like centipedes, they don't think about which way to go. But they just walk and therefore don’t fall. Remember the story about the centipede, which knew how to walk until the moment it wondered how it could do it, and then wondered, got confused and fell.

Probably the only thing that really had an impact on you were the moments with your sister, who showed that something was wrong with you. And you continue to do this to yourself, looking for reasons for the lack of relationships.

In fact, everything is fine with you. You only have your time for relationships. Which will come not only when you diligently wait for it, but when you enjoy every moment of life, are in love with yourself in any case, do what you can do now in the best possible way.

I would suggest that you start taking more care of this trail of lightness, enjoying life, every moment of it.

Otherwise, the question of relationships can develop into an obsessive thought, that is, neurosis.

And every time you think about relationships, remind yourself that this is the instinctive need to continue the race, to build your nest.

But we don’t live only by instincts.

Therefore, the best thing you can do now is to stop focusing on relationships and direct your energy, resources, and thoughts to accepting yourself exactly as you are. No analysis. Without the desire to fix something in yourself. Moreover, you write that you are “a beautiful, smart, friendly, psychologically stable girl.”

There are so many advantages for which you can respect yourself and be calm about how lucky her future man will be!

And by allowing yourself to be yourself, in a relationship or without it, with such a history of your parents that cannot be changed, you will find support in yourself and lightness.

Moreover, the parents had a positive turn in the whole situation.

I don’t know how important the story of another person is to you: I met my husband at 33 years old, I was not married before that. My husband's age was 36 and this was also his first real relationship. The next year we got married. Each of us felt happiness at that moment. Before that, all my friends told me about my age and said that the man I was waiting for did not exist. And when we met, I realized at first sight: “This is HIM!” And already being married, I am surprised every day how much he matches my dreams about him.

I sincerely wish you acceptance of yourself. With or before the relationship. Enjoying every moment of life: when you enjoy something tasty, when you are in nature, when any pleasant moments happen.

And in those moments when society begins to remind you of relationships (this often happens on the eve of March 8, February 14, New Year), think more about what kind of person you would like to meet. Help your dream become closer in your thoughts, understanding the nuances that you would like to see in your chosen one, and not analyze why you are not in a relationship.

And yes, it is often important for men that a girl not have a large number of relationships before him. This is an even greater advantage for you. Continue to preserve your purity for that very One.

It’s interesting that before I started answering you, I came across the following phrase on this site:

“By claiming that you cannot do something, you deprive yourself of Omnipotence.” Richard David Bach

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What are the fears?

For convenience, we will sort phobias/fears alphabetically. The tables provide a list of all human phobias.

These tables provide lists and meanings of common phobias. But in fact, there are much more of them, which once again proves the prevalence of mental illnesses in our time.

Speaking about the types of phobias, it is important to note that they are divided into primary and secondary. The list of primary phobias is long, we reviewed it above. If, for example, a person is afraid of flying on an airplane, his fear is called aerophobia. It refers to the primary pathology. But when it is joined by other disorders on its own background, we are talking about a secondary deviation. Additionally, for example, fear of heights or closed spaces may develop.

All phobias supplemented by secondary pathologies require professional help. Otherwise, a person’s fears will only increase. To get rid of a pathology that interferes with a full life, you need to find a competent specialist. You can turn to a psychologist-hypnologist for help, for example, Nikita Valerievich Baturin.

It is worth noting that phobias can be successfully treated with hypnosis. This is one of the methods by which you can forever overcome your fears by eradicating the root cause of their development. There are other treatment methods that have proven no less effective. The main thing is the desire and mindset to win. If phobias are not treated, depression, neuroses, and psychoses may develop in the future.

Treatment options

A course of psychotherapeutic assistance is almost always necessary. Only mild forms of philophobia in the initial stages can be eliminated by relaxation and increasing the degree of trust in people of the opposite sex. If fear persists for more than six months, you cannot do without the help of a specialist. The doctor will help you identify and work through the true causes of fear, bring up childhood memories, and give you the opportunity to look at them in a new, adult way.

In some cases, medications can also help get rid of philophobia, but they are not prescribed separately, but during a course of psychotherapy and only if the person already has concomitant mental disorders, for example, depression or neurosis. In this case, medications play a symptomatic role - for depression, for example, anidepressants are taken.

As auxiliary methods that are designed to teach a person to relax, acupuncture, massage, and electrosleep are used. The patient is strongly recommended to watch touching love films with a happy ending, as well as read the same books. A successful treatment option is a course after which the patient manages to achieve a gradual, smooth rapprochement with his partner.

For partners, doctors have their own recommendations - as they recover, they should talk more often with the former philophobe about personal matters, and also show maximum sensitivity, attention and care.

The most common fears

These are spatial phobias: (claustrophobia, agrophobia and others).

Fear of insects: (in particular spiders - arachnophobia).

Fear of death and the dead.

We have already figured out what kind of phobias a person has. Now let's look at the most common of them. In psychiatry, there are about 10 fears that clients of psychotherapists most often encounter. Let's look at the list of the most common phobias and their meaning.

1. Panic in front of closed spaces, called claustrophobia in psychiatry.
2. Horror at the sight of the dead and funeral rituals, which is called necrophobia.
3. An insurmountable fear of air travel is aerophobia.
4. Horror in dark places or rooms. - nyctophobia.
5. The fear of being at heights is acrophobia. People with this pathology experience horror when going upstairs. They cannot walk in the mountains or simply stand on a stool.
6. Panic at the sight of spiders is arachnophobia. This pathology is one of the most common types of zoophobia.
7. A strong fear of dentists and dental procedures is dentophobia. Such people refuse treatment, even if the dental situation is critical.
8. Fear of snakes is ophidiophobia. As a rule, everyone is afraid of reptiles, but in ophidiophobes this fear is obsessive. They refuse to visit pet stores, zoos and other places where snakes may live.
9. Panic that develops in a person at the sight of blood is hemophobia. The horror can be so strong that a hemophobe can lose consciousness at the sight of blood.
10. Another common type of fear is cynophobia, when a person is terrified of dogs.

The list of human phobias that occur most often has recently been supplemented by cancerophobia - the fear of getting cancer. This is partly due to the increase in cancer on the planet. More and more clients are turning to psychotherapists to free themselves from obsessive thoughts about a malignant disease.