What are manners: definition. Good manners, rules of behavior and communication

Definition

The manner of communication is a multi-component image. What is it made of? From the timbre of the voice, from the ability to control one’s speech, facial expressions and gestures. The interlocutor evaluates his opponent not only on the basis of his speeches, but also on the basis of how the person behaves. In 10 minutes of personal communication with a person you can learn much more about him than in six months of correspondence. People can make a good impression with their behavior, or they can ruin their self-image. Moreover, it is not the content of speeches that plays a big role here, but their design. Sometimes it’s much more pleasant to communicate with a lovable fool than with a struggling intellectual.

Business person's reputation

Personal and business reputation can be distinguished, but in our case we are talking about business reputation. An ordinary person can do without a reputation. In this case, they don’t talk about her at all, or we can say that she is nothing.

At the beginning of the twentieth century and earlier, it was perceived as a stigma, as an extra burden that did not allow the individual to feel free and independent from the opinions of society. But we were talking about personal reputation in a society that has a huge number of taboos and prohibitions, conventions and patriarchal traditions.

Marcel Proust on the reputation of a socialite: To form a correct judgment about a person, it is often enough to turn inside out the reputation created for him in the world

How to distinguish image from reputation? Why distinguish and compare them?

First. Reputation is directly related to the opinion of society. This is something that a person creates quite intentionally and consciously, like an image, but a reputation is formed in the minds and on the lips of other people. Whatever external image a business person creates, reputation is formed through the opinions of other people. This is what others think about a person.

Second. Reputation is directly related to the concept of professionalism and professional trust. Colleagues, colleagues, associates, friends, opponents and competitors - all together form the reputation of a professional based on ideas about business qualities, the degree of trust or distrust in the word of a business person, his ability to make complex decisions and bear responsibility for them.

Third. Reputation, unlike image, is associated with real bonuses, preferences and privileges. A good reputation contributes to career growth, expansion of the circle of business partners, and the formation of a strong circle of business connections. An excellent reputation is the key to a long-term and successful career, future growth and even possible changes in fate and career.

How reputation is formed

In the modern world, a business person’s reputation should not harm, create prohibitions or taboos. On the contrary, a wise and far-sighted businessman cultivates, creates, shapes and strengthens his reputation, since throughout his career it will be his faithful assistant, protector, support, “bedding straw”, but not an obstacle.

Reputation is earned authority, recognition of high professionalism, stable results, and the effectiveness of established techniques. A business person's reputation cannot simply be good or bad: for a professional, this is not enough. In order to create a reputation, you need to answer the question: what, in what field does a specialist need to create a reputation, what is more interesting, important, and promising for him to do in his field, what does he do best.

A reputation for excellence is good for a secretary, but not good for a top manager. A great leader requires a reputation for making difficult choices or tough decisions. For example, it is beneficial for a top sales manager to have a reputation as an excellent negotiator, debater, or salesman. The HR manager has a reputation as an excellent recruiter or, conversely, as a tough leader who can fire an unreliable or useless employee.

Or other options: the reputation of the designer, the nuances are important - is he creative or responsible. What he can offer management: high variability in the elaboration of themes, design solutions, sparkling humor and the talent of an original artist, or a willingness to complete work on time, strict adherence to the wishes of the client and manager.

Another component: reputation must always be maintained at a high level; the bar cannot be lowered. Only consistency is the key to a good reputation. You can make mistakes, more on that below (if you make a mistake once and not seriously, then your credibility is high and your reputation will remain at a decent level), but stability and self-confidence even after a fall and a mistake are a mandatory attribute of a reliable reputation.

Reputation is not afraid of pitfalls, for example, in a company office a person can be a bad conversationalist, an uncommunicative and closed person, but an excellent performer, in this case, most often he can be calm about his position and place in this company.

Recruiters note: the characteristics of a person’s personal qualities are not as important as his reputation, and even bad characteristics will contribute to the right image if his reputation as a specialist turns out to be impeccable.

How to build, improve your reputation and even restore a lost one

Reputation can be corrected, improved, changed. Purposeful, daily and hard work. Desire and love for your chosen business will allow your reputation to grow and strengthen.

You can improve your reputation if you take her as your ally:

1. find a business in which you want to succeed (and feel your talents),
2. daily demonstrate stability, constancy, a given level,
3. find allies among colleagues and co-workers, it is their help in forming an opinion about you that will be key at the first stage,
4. But! do not use intrigue, dishonesty, double standards,
5. be honest with yourself and your achievements,
6. demonstrate your achievements, unobtrusive self-presentation is required,
7. the ability to admit your mistakes, take responsibility for them and work to correct them.

It is possible to restore your reputation, the main thing is to decide whether this is necessary. Firstly, understand how spoiled it is, whether you are exaggerating the scale of the disaster. We are not talking about personal reputation, but business reputation, when trust in your professional competencies has suffered.

It is important! Lawrence Peter: An ounce of reputation is worth a pound of work

Let's say you made a mistake, made one or a series of mistakes, lost money or worsened your or the company's financial situation. If you had a good reputation, then your credibility will be significantly high, and there is no need to talk about a damaged reputation. In this case, your reputation becomes a parachute, a trampoline, a “straw” that cushions your fall, and there is no need to worry too much. There may be criticism or even dissatisfaction against you from partners, colleagues, business competitors or management, but it is enough to admit mistakes, analyze their cause, identify possible consequences, eliminate them, remaining within the bounds of the profession and your professional skills. In the future, it is enough to continue to demonstrate stability, professionalism and psychological adequacy - this is enough for the specialist’s reputation to remain good.

It's hard to disagree... Bertrand Russell: He who really has authority is not afraid to admit his mistake

If not just a professional, but a personal reputation has suffered: the mistake was made deliberately, for example, to harm colleagues or a manager, then in this case it is worth deciding whether you can continue to consider yourself a professional and whether there is a point and need to correct your reputation. If you are ready to answer yes, then act in the same vein: admit the mistake, take responsibility for it, understand its consequences, take action to eliminate them. In this case, the process will be delayed, and you will have to restore not only your professional reputation, but also your personal one. According to experts, it may take several months or even years to restore a reputation, but it can be accelerated if you demonstrate growth and stability in various areas: personal communication, business qualities, skills related to direct activities.

This will be facilitated by:

• activity, passion for work,
• confidence and self-esteem, self-irony and healthy criticism,
• search for allies, as well as fairness towards business partners, colleagues, employees,
• control over your actions, words, and actions.

All this will allow you to maintain your authority, and even improve it, since in this case not just business qualities were demonstrated, but also strength of character, will and desire for a goal.

In short, if you maintain your reputation, it will support you.

The concept of personal branding

For what is described above, there is the concept of personal branding. In this case, it is already intentional, demonstrative, aimed at a certain contingent of employers or business partners, working on oneself and one’s reputation: by analogy with the company’s brand, one can create a professional name for oneself, a brand in the labor market. But this will be possible in the case when there are clear ideas about yourself and your capabilities, there are high professional skills and a willingness to improve them, to claim exclusivity and high results. The goal of branding is to increase the comfort of life, which implies higher incomes and the ability to choose a place, working conditions and activities.

Communication styles

The image that a person intentionally or unintentionally demonstrates is the manner of communication. In different situations, a person can wear different disguises. These are called communication styles. What are they?

• Disparaging. A person who wants to show his contempt for his interlocutor will demonstrate this with a mocking tone or obvious coldness of behavior. Disdain is visible when one person tries to quickly end a conversation, because he considers his interlocutor an unworthy type with whom it is not worth communicating.
• Comical. This style of communication is popular with friends. Friends can make fun of each other, throw witticisms and laugh together at the awkwardness that arises.
• Serious. When talking to a person, you can judge his manners. The communication style that the interlocutor chooses can tell a lot about him. If your opponent does not joke and does not give in to provocations, he wants to appear before you in the guise of a serious person. This style of communication is preferred in the business world.
• Flirty. A girl who is talking to a young man she likes can openly flirt with him. This style of communication is appropriate for both strangers and friends. But you need to keep in mind the environment in which the conversation takes place.
• Friendly. Two people who are mutually attracted will talk to each other in a friendly tone. They will joke, ask questions and listen carefully to their interlocutor.
• Business. This style of communication can be found in any organization. Subordinates communicate in a business style with their superiors, and they, in turn, communicate with the directors of the company.

Definition of concepts

What is manner, style of communication?

Communication style is a form of personal communicative behavior characterized by stability of manifestation.

The style of communication can be traced in any conditions of interaction between a person and others, since it is individual for everyone .

The concept combines norms, methods, patterns of behavior, rules, principles and other features of communication. The foundation for the formation of style is moral and social attitudes .

Communication style is a unique and individual way for each individual to use the voice and body to perform verbal communications. It is determined by tone of voice, behavior during interaction and distance.

Manners are inextricably linked with style and are considered in pairs to accurately characterize a person (and her communication abilities).

Types of communication

The manner of communication is an indicator of a person’s upbringing. A person who knows how to behave in society demonstrates his good upbringing and education. What types of communication exist?

• Direct. When two people communicate with each other, a dialogue arises between them. This type of communication is the most common. Direct communication is not only a dialogue, but also a discussion. For example, at a conference of the board of directors, each of those present has the right to express their opinion on the topic raised.
• Indirect. This type of communication is much less common. A dialogue between two people or a conversation between several people takes place through an intermediary. This usually happens when interlocutors communicate in different languages ​​and use the services of a translator. But it also happens that people communicate in their native language through an intermediary. Such an incident can happen to those individuals who have had a serious fight and cannot stand each other’s company.

Women

Special rules of etiquette for girls involve a lot of hints - especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Back in the Middle Ages, there was a certain system of rules and traditions, following which a girl could tell a random gentleman any information about herself - for this they used a system of glances and sighs, special hairstyles, special scarves and much more.

The current social etiquette that ladies must adhere to is much simpler, but it also has its secrets.

It is no secret that the requirement to be a neat and well-groomed person is the norm of politeness, but exactly the same norm of politeness is to be appropriate to the place and time. It is not very appropriate to attend a party that takes place in the lap of nature, wearing diamonds and an evening dress.

Also, don't be too democratic. This applies to the choice of clothing, jewelry, accessories, hairstyle and makeup. A girl should be well-groomed, and her appearance should always match the situation.

Dignity and honor are a woman’s main weapon.
Beauty is given to us by nature, any lady should be well-groomed, but to behave with dignity
is a rare quality that should be learned. First of all, learn to watch your speech.

As you remember, in Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion Eliza betrayed her origins precisely through her simple speech - this applies not only to swear words and filler words, but also to her manner of speaking. Record several videos and listen to yourself from the outside - perhaps your intonation and manner of speaking will require adjustments.

A woman should be merciful

, this is one of the qualities that is inherent in each of us, and it is good form to show mercy not only to socially vulnerable people, but also to your friends. Inquire about the well-being of other people's sick relatives, be ready to help and do not forget about anyone.

Be friendly, don't be snobbish. Social etiquette is not about telling off service personnel, but about the rules of behavior that are expected of themselves and others outside their occupation and origin.

Image and manner of communication

The way a person carries himself says a lot about him. When he selects or develops an image for himself, he should not lose sight of his manner of communication. For example, a girl who wants to deserve to become a significant person in a man's business must behave seriously. Flirty behavior will not give her a chance to be perceived as a business partner by her interlocutors. The image of a modern person, language, speech, manner of communication - all this is interconnected. Look at how a person behaves and you can definitely tell about his profession. After all, it is the field of activity that leaves its mark on a person. For example, a successful manager will act relaxed in any company. He will not be shy about meeting people and talking to them openly. But a person who works with documents, and not with people, may be a closed person. It will be difficult to bring such a person into dialogue.

The main factors determining the style of communication

In different groups and communities, the behavior of the same person can differ significantly. For example, in an official and business setting it is unacceptable for a person to behave cheekily, impudently or show excessive familiarity. Therefore, he is collected and restrained. But within the family circle, an individual can change his style of communication. He is more sincere with close people and relatives and strives to express his feelings as openly as possible.

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There are several features of interaction that leave a significant imprint on the relationship between interlocutors:

1. Speech understanding. The conversation must be conducted in a language well known to everyone taking part in it. References, various descriptions, formulations and conclusions, the presence of subtextual (hidden) information should be accessible to everyone. Typically, the communicator does not focus on the age of the participants in the conversation or negotiations. In this regard, the degree of their intellectual development is of greatest importance to him.
2. Communication style. The success of the conversation as a whole depends on the correctly chosen image and its characteristic behavior. Depending on the situation and accompanying circumstances, people use the following styles: familiar or friendly, business and even more strict, requiring compliance with protocol and a number of additions, official. Experiencing certain feelings for the interlocutor, the communicator can speak more emotionally, express his intentions in words, gestures and glances, as well as his feelings from the conversation.
3. The ability to quickly and correctly determine the psychotypes of communication partners. Each of them has its own positive and negative traits, by comparing which it is not so difficult to achieve the desired result.
4. An additional review by a person of his communication style before talking with representatives of high-context cultures inherent in the inhabitants of Japan, Korea, China, Saudi Arabia. For them, social status and production hierarchy are of particular importance. They can get a lot of information just by looking at the appearance of the interlocutor, even before the conversation begins.

We must strive to develop a manner of communication that will be optimal in most cases. And it will allow you to look natural in any group.

Business communication manners

What kind of person do you think is serious? Such persons have a good understanding of the correct manners of communication. A person who wants to be taken seriously will try to appear serious. His gestures will be open, but at the same time his gaze and voice will be tough and authoritative. In this way, the person will express his self-confidence. A person who wants to succeed in the business world must be able to maintain composure in any situation and not succumb to all kinds of provocations. The communication manners of a business person come down to friendliness, frankness, open gestures, confident movements and authoritative intonation. Communicating with such a person will be pleasant, but at the same time scary. It will seem to the interlocutor that his opponent is taller and stronger. Moreover, a business person should inspire this on a subconscious level, and on a conscious level, the conversation should be easy and pleasant.

How to start a conversation with a girl correctly

The most common mistake guys make is being afraid to show their interest. It’s incomprehensible to my mind where this obsession with starting to meet a girl came from as if you had never even thought about meeting her. Perhaps someone considers this approach the most decent, but think for yourself: is it conceivable to expect interest from a girl without showing interest in her? Don’t women love with their ears, don’t they dream of being conquered, don’t they expect beautiful courtship, compliments, romance and all that other stuff? Of course, all this should not happen right away, but this is exactly what the vector of your interaction strives for, and you should start communicating with a girl correctly from clear premises.

You will never be able to interest a girl if you are not interested in her yourself. This is the rule of the first step.

What does a person who is interested in something or someone do first? That's right - he asks questions. Proper communication with a girl should also be based on questions. However, there are nuances here too.

1. Questions should not be intrusive. Nobody likes to feel like they're being interrogated. Ask the girl less about her personal circumstances, ask more about her interests, hobbies and tastes. Look for common ground.
2. Avoid closed questions. A closed question has a limited number of answer options (yes, no, I don’t know). If you want to get a girl to talk and involve her in the conversation, ask questions that she can answer in detail.
3. Don't avoid eye contact. When you look a person in the eyes, you demonstrate interest, openness and a willingness to make contact. The worst thing you can think of is to look past the girl in conversation.

Good communication manners

What are the different communication styles? They will be different for each type and style. But the most classic division is good and bad. What manners can be called good?

• Correct speech. A person who speaks well deserves the attention of others. It’s interesting to talk with someone like that, he can tell you something interesting. And if such a person tells ordinary things, his speech will be music, since it is correct.
• Politeness. Good communication manners are established in childhood. Communicating on a first-name basis with strangers, the ability not to interrupt and to hear what the interlocutor is saying is highly valued today.
• Courtesy. You need to be not only polite, but also loyal. Keep in mind that not all interlocutors will have the same opinion on the same issue. If your opponent does not agree with your arguments, do not try to convince him of anything, let him remain unconvinced.
• Listening skills. Etiquette and manners of communication are based on mutual respect. You must not only listen to your interlocutor, but also hear what he says. Most people don't know how to do this. They wait for a pause in the interlocutor's speech to talk about themselves.

Is it hard to be easy to communicate with?

The most effective secret of communication skills is simplicity, and the easiest way to ruin everything is to try to achieve simplicity artificially. Ease and ease arise only when the communication process is interesting and enjoyable for both interlocutors. Therefore, to become easy to communicate, you just need to set your priorities correctly.

Remember, ease of communication is not an end in itself and not a means. This is a result, the same as pleasure and a good mood.

Understand the main thing: not a single person in the world will object to pleasant communication. In this vein, it doesn’t matter at all how you start the conversation, the main thing is the message. It's like offering a stranger candy: do it openly, with a smile on your face and from the bottom of your heart, and not only will he not refuse, but he will be truly grateful to you. If you give him candy as if you were doing him a favor, or you become embarrassed, avoid looking him in the eye, get nervous, and the like, then your good intentions will no longer be obvious and they will be wary of taking candy from you.

Bad manners

• Keep yourself in the spotlight. A person loves to talk about himself. But if you want to be a polite person, then you shouldn't do this. Talk about others. Let them feel that you care about their opinions and their life story.
• Gossip. Do you want to be known as a cultured person? Then get rid of the habit of gossiping. Do not pass rumors on to others and interrupt your interlocutor if he tells you false facts about the lives of your mutual friends.
• Mat. A person's culture is known by the way he speaks. If a person cannot connect two words without swearing, it means that this person’s vocabulary is surprisingly poor.
• Increased tone. If you want to earn a person's trust and sympathy, you should not shout. You can prove your opinion in a quiet and calm tone. If a person breaks down, it means that he has run out of arguments and he uses the only remaining remedy - intimidating his opponent.
• Neglect. Don’t show a person that you don’t like him, it’s not nice. All people had different upbringings and different fates. You shouldn’t treat someone less fortunate than you badly.

Universal rules

These recommendations must be followed regardless of gender, age and country of residence - this is common courtesy.

1. Do not come to visit without calling - this is bad form
   . Even if your friend lives in the next building and you are sure that he will be glad to see you, you should not put him in an awkward position, call and make an agreement. The same rule applies to relatives. Many young couples complain that parents show up for a visit without calling, but at the same time they allow themselves to visit their loved ones, believing that these are different situations. In fact, the situation is the same - you are violating someone else’s will.
2. If your interlocutor or companion greets someone they know, show good manners and say hello, and if the conversation drags on, invite the random interlocutor to join you.
3. There are some things that should not be discussed in polite society. There are several of them: - questions of age and longevity (this can confuse and even compromise those present); — financial well-being (in some situations this is appropriate, usually at men’s meetings, in the company of business partners or close friends); - problems in the house (this applies to both the situation at a party and your own problems at home - in any case, airing dirty laundry in public is simply unacceptable); - religious attitudes and behavior (again, with the exception of a group of close friends who are aware of your religion); - illnesses and issues related to various diseases - absolutely all conversations about health that begin “for health” end on a funereal note and unpleasant details; — adultery and someone else’s personal life; - low and dishonest actions; - one's own actions that deserve praise - others should praise a person, otherwise it looks like a peacock spreading its tail.
4. The person entering the room greets first, thus attracting attention. Even if your subordinates are in front of you, and you are sure that they should show respect, the rule of the “culprit” of the event comes into play here. You enter - you say hello first.
5. Someone else's correspondence should be inviolable, like any other people's secrets. Remember, what two people know, everyone around them will know.
6. There is no need to try to fit into someone else's lifestyle if you can't afford it.
7. Gratitude is appropriate absolutely everywhere and always; express your emotions, give compliments and learn to be grateful to people.

These simple basics of etiquette are not something complicated - they are a common cultural code, following which you will move among decent friends.

Of course, if you do not follow these rules, no one will challenge you to a duel, and it is unlikely that they will attract all the public attention to your mistake. But if you don’t follow them, then over and over again a special negative attitude will be formed towards you, and gradually you will find yourself in a company where you have never even heard of the norms of communication with people.

Project all these rules onto yourself and you will understand their value. Do you like it when a friend calls and says she wants to come visit? Of course, she likes it, you will have time to take the guest slippers from the cat and bake cookies before her arrival. This means we need to do the same.

Would you like your correspondence to become public knowledge, much less discussed within the company? It is unlikely, which means you should not participate in such conversations, much less initiate them.

Facial expressions and gestures

How does a person convey information to the interlocutor? He conveys some part verbally, and another part non-verbally. Facial expressions and gestures sometimes speak more eloquently than words. The manners of communicating with people can be developed consciously. Of course, at first it will be difficult to control nonverbal signals. But over time, you can train your gestures. For example, when you communicate with people you don’t know, on a subconscious level you want to close yourself off from them. But don’t follow your body’s lead, don’t cross your arms or legs. Take open poses. Thanks to this simple trick, you will feel relaxed, and your interlocutors will perceive you as a confident and sociable person. If something amazes you in your opponent’s opinion, you don’t need to paint it on your face. Vivid facial expressions are appropriate when talking with friends, but not when communicating among unfamiliar people. Some individuals may perceive your dumbfounded appearance as disagreement with their position in life.

Good manners in modern society

You can often hear that modern society has no time for manners. However, a person who swears loudly, is dressed dirty, or yawns loudly at all times does not cause anything other than rejection. Another thing is that some manners have changed, but have not been lost. Modern manners are based on respect for the other person, but convenience and practicality come to the fore. Eg

1. Let the woman go ahead and open the door for her. Now the door is opened by whoever is more comfortable, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman. If a man with a child appears in front of a girl, naturally she will open the door for him.
2. Men must give way to women. The same as in the first case - the one for whom it is easier stands, and the woman may well give way to a disabled man.

Person's character

How much can you learn about the person in front of you? Communication manners will introduce your interlocutor to you much better than he can do it himself. If a person speaks loudly, smiles at the same time and is not afraid to ask awkward questions, it means that in front of you is an easy-going person who has a courageous character and a cheerful disposition. A person who speaks in a low voice and looks at the ground is an insecure person who is clearly uncomfortable in your company. A person who speaks loudly and does not give you the opportunity to speak is a power-hungry person with leadership habits.

Tips from professional actors

Courses in acting, the psychology of influencing people, or the psychology of business negotiations will help you master the art of competent nonverbal communication, develop the correct structure of speech and gestures when communicating, and master manners. Training in these courses and courses of a similar focus begins with mastering oneself, getting rid of pressures and complexes, studying the psychology of communication and developing the ability to understand people.

Professional actors are people who, due to their profession, constantly have to try on other people's characters and non-standard situations. An actor's bread and butter is persuasiveness, and it is achieved by deep penetration into the psychology of the character. Here are the basic rules for proper communication with people from professional actors:

• Keep your distance. It’s a rare person who feels delighted by familiarity, so don’t rush to switch to “you”, it will always be done in time. In addition, each person has a personal space (within a radius of half a meter), which can only be violated by close people.
• Smile. A smile is the surest sign of goodwill and good intentions. When you first meet, a person unconsciously evaluates you for possible danger. This assessment will directly influence his expectations. If you want him to calm down and relax in your company, smile at him.
• Maintain eye contact. Direct eye to eye contact means openness and a desire to make contact. Any communication begins with visual contact, do not neglect it.
• Watch your speech and gestures. Be neutral in everything: do not speak too loudly or too much, and avoid excessive gesticulation.

The listed criteria for proper constructive communication can help you out in any situation, even if the dialogue doesn’t go well initially.
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Purpose of communication

Why do people talk and how does it affect the way they communicate? By the way your opponent presents himself to you, you can understand the goal that he wants to achieve through dialogue. If a guy speaks in a polite, flirtatious tone with a girl, then he wants to establish a closer acquaintance with her. If a person talks to you in a businesslike tone, it means that he simply needs to find out some information from you. A person who jokes with you may have several goals: to rise at your expense in the company, to make people laugh, or to cheer you up. Of course, the purpose of communication must be considered in a specific context and understand how familiar the opponents are.

Men

The rules of etiquette for men have several subtopics - relationships with women, relationships with men, relationships with colleagues and with an impersonal representative of society (for example, you should not court someone else’s wife in company, it is enough just to observe social etiquette).

Goethe wrote that a person's manners are a mirror in which his portrait is reflected. Accordingly, our behavior says more about us to others than we might like. Mind your manners and you will always be on top.

A man should not offend the women present with his appearance and behavior. This means that he must be neat, well-groomed, neat in his clothes, have a good hairstyle and be either clean-shaven or have his facial hair in perfect order.

In relation to women, a man must show himself to be a gentleman:

• show signs of attention;
• skip ahead;
• open doors for a lady;
• give a hand;
• ask permission before smoking.

In relation to other men you CANNOT:

• show negative reactions, even if the person is completely unpleasant to you and you are forced to be at the same event with him, social etiquette requires at least a fleeting greeting;
• expressing discriminatory opinions about those present is always regarded negatively;
• cause a scandal;
• speak disparagingly;
• reveal other people's secrets;
• talk about your male victories (this can discredit the girl in the eyes of other men).

Such rules are not difficult to follow, but good behavior makes a person pleasant to talk to.

How to develop good communication manners?

Education must begin from childhood. Children need to be taught communication manners from an early age. How to do this?

• Read more. A person who reads has a wider vocabulary than a person who receives information from the Internet or television.
• Listen to your interlocutor. You need to train yourself and your children to listen to your opponent. You must understand exactly what idea the interlocutor wanted to convey to you, and only after that form your response. Many people cannot understand such simple rules of the game, and therefore it is difficult to talk to them.
• Watch the gestures. Use your hands when talking. Don't be afraid to gesticulate actively. Your broad gestures will show your interlocutor that you are an open person who craves communication.
• Watch your speech. Be sure to think about what you say. Learn to choose your words. Clear your speech of obscenities and parasitic words.
• Watch your intonation. Never raise your voice. Work with your tonality, find the middle and speak in it.

Manners and Manners

Manner

-
this is
a way of holding oneself, a habit, an external form of behavior and treatment of other people, expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, gait, gestures, and facial expressions characteristic of a person.
Manner is also a distinctive feature of the work of an artist or writer; his style. Psychological material.
Good manners, along with respect for other people, are an essential part of good manners.
As for good manners, the specific list of them varies in different cultures, and therefore good manners are sometimes defined as the ability and habit to follow the rules of behavior adopted in the reference group. If you take the manners of the English Queen as a model, it is not obvious that you will make a corresponding impression in the East. You may be considered a not very well-mannered person if you do not burp during meals (this is accepted in the East as a sign of food satisfaction) and pour a full cup of tea for guests, while in the East well-mannered people pour tea little by little for dear guests to show their readiness to look after them again... However, a homeless person among other homeless people will never be recognized as a well-mannered person precisely because homeless people do not recognize the rules of behavior, good manners and good manners in principle. At the same time, often, while caring about developing good manners, we end up with stiffness and fear that we and our behavior will be assessed negatively. In this case, there is no need to be confused - attentiveness to one’s own behavior and the needs of others is one thing, but a tendency to be afraid and dependence on the assessments of others is another. If this problem concerns you, it means that you now have two tasks: to manage your manners, and to learn confident behavior, to remove dependence on the assessments of others. Can you handle it? Aristocrats were simultaneously taught good manners and independence from the opinions of others. Author: N.I. Kozlov Royal manners and status
Russian and Ukrainian billionaires I know are eager to send their children to Eton: a closed school in Great Britain that, since 1440, has educated generations of British and foreign aristocrats, including members of royal families.
Why Eton? - Prestige? Yes, prestige, but that's not the main thing. Real education? - Yes, Eton provides an excellent education, but again that’s not the main thing. Eton College gives more: it gives connections and aristocratic upbringing. This is the main thing! You can be smart, beautiful and rich, but if you do not have good manners and do not know how to behave with status, many doors will remain closed to you. Everyone has their own social circle. No one will show arrogance towards you, they may smile at you warmly, but next to those who were brought up in an aristocratic environment from childhood, you will always feel some distance between yourself and them - those whose speech and manner of behavior fascinate, whose appearance causes respect before these people even spoke. The worthy are friends only with the worthy, and their criteria are very strict. A pretty simpleton is sweet, but if you see the Queen next to her, you will never confuse them. But the Queen will not be friends with the simpleton, and the King, no matter how much he likes the simpleton, will not introduce her into his circle. On the street, from afar, I can distinguish a respected leader from an ordinary performer just by his gait alone. All this is visible. It’s not difficult for me to determine the level of a person’s culture and what kind of relationships he has in his family just by his voice alone, by the intonation and timbre of his voice. All this can be heard. Again about England: in the most expensive restaurants, visitors undergo face control, but it is unusual. When talking to you, they evaluate not only your appearance, they listen to the sound of your speech. It doesn't matter what language you speak: they listen to HOW you speak. I’ll tell you what exactly they listen to only later... Because we need to figure out the main thing: what should smart, efficient and enterprising people do, who want to achieve a lot in life, to end up not at the bottom, but at the top - if they weren’t in childhood surrounded by representatives of royal families, did not receive an aristocratic upbringing? Resign yourself? Envy? People who believe in themselves make a different decision: learn all this on their own. This is not an easy decision: it takes three generations for aristocratic, high-status behavior to become the natural norm of life. You won't have time, you can only begin. But does anyone need to start? You will start, your children will continue, and your grandchildren will implement it. On the other hand, there is nothing supernatural in status behavior, it is simply a style of behavior, and for talented people it is quite possible to master its basics. Do the actors cope with this? The good ones cope. So you can do it too. And I’ll tell you where you can at least start. Status behavior consists of three things: good manners, beautiful posture and high speech. These will be your three tasks: you need to 1) accustom yourself to good, or rather aristocratic, manners, 2) begin to monitor your posture and 3) rebuild your speech from vernacular and clumsy to beauty and noble style. Knowledge of etiquette and excellent education are skipped here - these are separate tasks. Then get a list of the top priority, simplest status behavior skills that should become your new habits. I recommend that you make a checklist that you can use to check yourself every day. Ready? Will you make a checklist?

Write down your new rules:

Take your time.
Vanity and aristocracy of movements are two incompatible things.
If you are collected and stop being distracted by nonsense, you will save at least an hour every day, so you are never in a hurry. When God created time, he created enough for you. You don't wobble.
Men and women always swing.
They jump up and down and sway left and right, their shoulders move back and forth - their uncollected body always sways. And your body is collected, you don’t sway. You walk smoothly, collectedly and beautifully. You have a long stride.
Two types of people mince and walk in small steps: people who are unsure of themselves and fussy people.
And confident people walk with long strides, athletic people - strong people. A wide step makes your gait proud! Never mark time, do not shift from foot to foot - either stand straight and calm, or IMMEDIATELY take a wide step when walking. Your shoulders are turned back
.
This is about posture. Aristocrats do not hunch, they have a straight back and shoulders turned. It is clear that behind this is a love for sports, but this is also your love? In any case, turned shoulders look dignified and proud! High neck, no chicken moves
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A high neck is a proud neck. An aristocrat's head does not jerk back and forth; these chicken-like movements can only be observed in commoners when they are proving something or getting involved in something. The head on the high neck turns very beautifully: it does not immediately turn left or right, it makes a half-arc upward... and only after that, already from above, the royal gaze turns to the interlocutor. You don't look confused or make uncertain movements
.
Well, these... some kind of movements... when you don’t know where to look and what to do, and in general you can or... well, in general, you understand... Your face doesn’t curl
.
No matter what happens, your eyes are calm, your forehead does not shrink into doubt or melancholy, your lips do not move or curl. Take a selfie, check it out! You have a deep voice.
Learn to speak with a vertical mouth, in “O”, this gives volume of sound.
Unlearn speaking with a horizontal mouth with your cheeks to the side and sounding “I” - only the bazaar can give you this. A flat, broken, let alone shrill voice is impossible for you. You always have a calm, rather low, deep voice with a rich palette of beautiful timbres. Top position
.
Aristocrats talk on equal terms only with their equals, namely with those who are used to talking from a position on top. Approve, evaluate, pause - but your “position from above” should not humiliate the person, on the contrary: why don’t you raise your interlocutor to your height? Learn good manners
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Good manners are a demonstration of respect for both yourself and others. This is attentiveness to every word, to every gesture, this is calm restraint and attentiveness to the interlocutor. Watch the movie “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels”, it perfectly shows the difference in the behavior of the heroes, where one has good manners, and the other is not familiar with them. Master beautiful, high speech.
You probably have Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin’s novel “Eugene Onegin” on your bookshelf. How long has it been since you picked it up? Take it, open it, and read it out loud. Listen to the words that make up the novel, listen to the sound of these words - give yourself this pleasure! And then listen to how Innokenty Smoktunovsky reads “Eugene Onegin” - and try to repeat his timbre, his breathing and his intonation. When you begin to succeed in this, keep it as the sound of your everyday speech. Gradually, more and more often you will pay attention to the beauty of your speech. Time will pass, and you yourself will want to replace the colloquial “Aha” with a more accurate “Yes.” And later you will free your speech from the street expression “Come on!”: in your speech you will more often hear “suitable for us”, “I can offer you” and “an offer that may interest us”. Our speech habits really need to be worked on. Throwing “Hello” and “Hello!” on the go It’s better to replace it with “Good morning!” with an attentive gaze and a warm smile.

Some people claim: "I'm very mannered

(feminine) and every year this
mannerism
intensifies.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t control it.” severity in its hebephrenic form, as well as in initial states, in remissions in catatonic patients. In schizophrenia, M. is emotionally emasculated, stereotypical, combined with pretentiousness and floridness of statements. There is a loss of natural simplicity and grace of movements (loss of grace, according to E. Kraepelin), the direct expressiveness of gestures and facial expressions, and emotional responsiveness fade away [Zinoviev P.M., 1931]. . Mannerism
is a characteristic of quirkiness or constantly manifested oddities in the command or speech of an individual.
Mannerism
- (Manierismus - German - technique, method) - a way of human behavior, as well as a moral and ethical quality of a person of a negative orientation, expressed in affectation, stiffness, unnaturalness.
Dictionary of psychiatric terms. V.M. Bleikher, I.V. Crook Manneriness
is a symptom manifested in artificiality of behavior, exaggeration of manners, gestures, facial expressions, and pronunciation. The patient's unusual manners are meaningless and useless. Behavior is characterized by a lack of simplicity, strangeness, and pretentiousness. It is observed in mentally healthy and pathological people. In healthy people, mannerism is the result of shortcomings in upbringing, the desire to stand out and attract attention. Hysterical mannerism is characterized by a tendency towards affectation and always contains elements of play and theatricality. In psychopathic individuals of the schizoid circle, M. is a manifestation of an innate attraction to pretentiousness, the desire to thus overcome timidity and shyness. Most often, mannerism is observed in schizophrenia, reaching particular severity in its hebephrenic form, as well as in initial states, in remissions in catatonic patients. In schizophrenia, M. is emotionally emasculated, stereotypical, combined with pretentiousness and floridness of statements. There is a loss of natural simplicity and grace of movements (loss of grace, according to E. Kraepelin), the direct expressiveness of gestures and facial expressions, and emotional responsiveness fade away [Zinoviev P.M., 1931].

Communication style and relationships between people

Non-contextual communication The content of the statement speaks for itself; it contains all the necessary information.

Contextual communication To fully understand the meaning of a statement, it is necessary to take into account the communicative context: the status of the participants, the situation, intonation, etc.

Tatyana Kem has been working with the Chinese vacuum cleaner company Skarlett for many years. “Collaboration with the Chinese showed that they are not used to showing emotions. All negotiations take place in a calm tone. Raised tones, screams, threats, anger or aggression, which one might expect to observe, for example, in Russia, are impossible. The rule of bad taste is to lose your temper during negotiations. If important issues are discussed - price increases, delayed shipments, etc. in a situation where their factory is clearly at fault, and we are looking for answers to the questions, the factory managers begin to laugh and giggle. To be honest, at first I was discouraged by this behavior, until I realized that laughter shows the highest degree of embarrassment, confusion and even fear. To someone who does not know this feature, it may seem that people are simply laughing at them.”

Expressive communication style Emphasis is placed on eloquence and/or emotionally charged statements that reflect a personal attitude to the subject of conversation.

Instrumental communication style: It is believed that in professional communication a clear presentation of facts is important, and not stylistic subtleties or emotional experiences.

In Japan, you can create the image of a serious business partner before the negotiation stage by presenting an offer for contact

clear, concise information about yourself, the goals and objectives of the proposed negotiations. If any unusual product or development is offered for sale, it is necessary to indicate only the full characteristics of the product, legal sales opportunities, volumes, methods of transportation, but also the expected practical benefits that the Japanese can receive from purchasing such a product - this is also common practice in Japan.

Direct conflict When conflict situations arise, it is customary to talk about them openly, publicly defending your point of view.

conflict resolution Conflicts do not become the subject of open discussion; they are tried to be resolved gradually.

Motorola (USA) operates a 24-hour hotline; every employee can call and anonymously ask a question that concerns them and receive an answer. If the problem is serious, then any employee can also ask for a committee meeting. In one of the Russian branches of Motorola, one of the managers managed to deliberately harm a colleague. As a result, an extremely tense situation was created in the office, which began to affect relationships with clients. One of the department employees reported the precedent to the ethics committee. As a result of the investigation, the culprit was convicted, received an official warning, and was deprived of the possibility of salary increases and promotions for a year, as well as bonuses for the current year.

Privacy The desire to maintain distance and protect personal space from encroachment by other employees.

Publicity No need for distancing, preference for forms of organizing the workspace that allow you to see and hear other colleagues

When American lawyer Jennifer Gaglio moved to Beijing, she had to exchange her personal office for a room in which another female lawyer worked. After a day of polite silence, the Chinese woman exclaimed: “Jennifer Gaglio, you are incorrigible!” She found it difficult to work in silence. “Chinese colleagues feel great when there is noise and a lot of people around,

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says Gaglio,
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when there are constantly loud phone calls around, electronic devices buzzing and a “concert of ringtones” is heard.” Americans don't like to talk about certain things. In recent months, Chinese colleagues have assessed Gallo's wardrobe, muscle tone, and fertility prospects. Gaglio says she eventually became friends with a colleague sitting in her office.