Good day everyone! Treating yourself well is like a gift we take away from childhood. But not everyone is lucky enough to carry such a valuable cargo into their adult life. And then a positive perception of yourself becomes the number one thing to become happy.
Filling yourself with gratitude, creating an image of yourself that pleases your heart, learning to sincerely praise merit and sympathize with failures is what many of us learn at a conscious age.
So, as with many important things, today is the time to start!
Why try
It’s no secret that almost our entire life depends on how we treat ourselves. If we look at ourselves as the closest and most beloved person, we bring more joy and inspiration into every day. The better we feel about ourselves, the less negative emotions we experience. And those that do come to us, we manage to survive as gently and carefully as possible.
If we perceive ourselves positively, we choose only the best for ourselves: food, living conditions, work, relationships. We allow ourselves to give up what is harmful and toxic. This means that we don’t fall for manipulation and we leave codependency. We demand comfort and warmth for ourselves. And we take in full everything that is due.
This is a very important rule. We create around ourselves the kind of life that we sincerely think we deserve.
And if we have low self-esteem, if we don’t believe in our strengths and perceive ourselves in a negative way, then the world becomes a match for us. Unconsciously, we simply do not allow good things into our lives.
Consequences of forced positivity
Forced optimism disconnects us from ourselves because we force our mind to not pay attention to, interpret or make sense of the negative encounters and negative emotions we subsequently experience.
Because our subconscious processes are working in the background all the time, these unprocessed experiences and emotions remain somewhere below our conscious levels and come back to haunt us later in the form of anxiety, disappointment in life, a general feeling of dissatisfaction and questions about your identity and sense of self. . And all this despite making every effort to stay positive. Your mind cannot naturally give you only positive thoughts because life is not only about positive situations. We cannot receive only good things from life: kindness, success, prosperity, happiness and so on. Sometimes life takes a sharp turn and things turn bad. And when things get really bad, it's impossible not to have the usual human negative reaction to it.
And when life gets tough, our minds do their job: process it all, make sense of it, and communicate the findings to us. This is normal and cannot be changed. Trying to change the natural way our minds work is futile.
First conscious look
Do you know this law of nature: bees are attracted to honey, and flies fly to something less attractive? Actually, it’s the same with people.
Look around. What do you see? Who do you think you are?
I am sincerely sure: it’s time to be a bee! Fly around the flowers, be sunny and hardworking.
And to do this, perceive life from the point of view of an optimist. An interesting cognitive distortion that can help you implement this advice is the so-called frequency illusion. Our brain begins to pay attention to what it now considers the highest priority and what fits into its picture of the world.
In other words, the more we think about or discuss something, the more we notice similar things around us.
This happens with negative scenarios. If we are constantly dissatisfied with life, then nothing good will catch our eye.
The same mechanism also works with positive changes. You will let love and great luck into your life when you begin to notice it first in completely inconspicuous little things. Write down every positive moment you encounter in a notebook, increase your awareness and focus on the good.
And one fine day you will notice that there is much more around you that pleases and delights.
Positive and negative thinking: what they really are
There are quite a few articles on the Internet with a general explanation of what negative and positive thinking is. Their essence is this: a “negativist” sees everything in black, and a “positivist” sees everything in white. But how does this translate in practice? Not only in complaints, criticism or constant smiling. Like everything in reality, positive and negative thinking are expressed in the actions we choose to take, thereby determining our present and future.
Problem or opportunity - the choice is always within
Toxic complaints and positive affirmations are only an external, insignificant part of thinking. An orientation towards development, expansion, growth or, conversely, compression, refusal and fading are expressed in actions determined by a deeply strengthened picture of the world. The negative picture of the world consists of endless barriers and conventions: these are all kinds of problems, obstacles, shortages, enemies and lack of help.
War against the world allows you to survive, and in this the “minus people” succeed. Focusing on troubles forces you to throw all your strength, energy, and talents into creating and acting out situations of scarcity: lack of money, conflicts, grievances, deprivation, loneliness. When a chance, opportunity, or luck comes to a negativist, he “ignores” it because it is unusual, uncomfortable, dangerous and alarming.
It’s hard to believe that you are ok, and you have the opportunity to change something for the objectively better with your own hands. No trick, no deception, no payback. Just do it, prove yourself, have time and don’t miss the chance. This approach does not fit into a rather strict and carefully drawn picture of the world. Why then didn’t I take advantage of the opportunities before, since they were there for me too? Yes, because this is a deception, a mess, an absurd mistake - this is how a negative person explains to himself and misses the opportunity, using a rich arsenal of rationalizations, attitudes, habits, even psychosomatics.
The other pole is the painful “positive thinking” practiced in various sects and movements. This includes all sorts of ways to ignore reality with its imperfections and non-duality. Ignore your age, gender, income, health, limitations - natural and invented. Blind faith in a deity who will save you and arrange everything in the best way, in justice that someone else will arrange for me. An inadequate positivist “raises his paws” blissfully, with a light feeling. But this is just as destructive as the “minus people” raising their paws from helplessness in front of the evil world.
The extremes of positive and negative thinking are based on magical thinking: if I am extremely careless or hyper-anxious, I will be fine. However, the state does not mean action, but action that changes objective reality.
Positive thinking is not at all a blind belief that everything will work out. Positivity is as far from fantasy as possible, because this word comes from the Latin positum - “real”, “given”. That is, positivity in thinking, by analogy with positivity in photography, is what is manifested in reality.
This is a system of attitudes and views that allows you to interact fruitfully with the world and manifest yourself in it through actions, making your contribution. See opportunities, take advantage of them and change the landscape of your life. This vision is closer to a complete picture of reality, where at every moment there is opportunity for change and growth.
Why are there so many people with negative thinking around?
Both “people-plus” and “people-minus” live in the fantasies of the mental world. Negative fantasies are more common. Gloomy thoughts about a terrible future and memories of the “golden age” - serene childhood and a safe USSR. The feeling of an impending catastrophe, the habit of expecting trouble, the feeling of total guilt and responsibility for everything bad - all these are symptoms of anxiety and depressive disorders when auto-aggression intensifies. Growing up against the backdrop of a general condition, voices of guilt, shame, and self-criticism force a person to concentrate on his own deficiency and disrupt contact with reality.
This is called seeing everything in “black color”: not noticing the opportunities and ways to realize your potential that are constantly present at every moment in time.
Focusing on potential problems, a person tries to protect himself from unhappiness with the help of anxiety, not noticing how real problems grow, and ways to solve them pass by. This is a cognitive distortion that becomes a habit. Having become entrenched in the family and in society over generations, negative thinking becomes a code of behavior and is no longer critically comprehended at all. As a result, joyless faces and conversations about the negative aspects of everyday life become a way of life.
There are also rare “weirdos” with an inappropriately positive outlook on things. It is interesting and significant that they usually emerge from the most inveterate negativists, forming for themselves a mirror-inverted, but equally incorrect, vision of reality.
What to do about bad thinking habits
What is a bad habit? This is something that helps save energy and avoid problems (or rather, calm down a little) today, but strategically harms and brings systemic problems in the future. I smoked a cigarette and “my nerves returned to normal.” I drank and my mood lifted and my body relaxed. I was worried about the global crisis and a hypothetical dismissal - it seems like I was prepared. In fact, “drunken” anxiety and negativism are akin to chemical addictions and also impoverish life, or even lead to a scenario dead end.
Therefore, it is necessary to recognize negative attitudes and systematically work on their correction (a shift to a more “healthy” view of oneself and reality). You need to do the same with unhealthy positivity: recognize your limitations and the imperfections of the world, take responsibility, notice problems, pain.
Our task is to learn to understand our own cognitive distortions and thinking errors. For example, the fortune telling error, when you know exactly what will happen (bad, of course). Or the mistake of “expecting a disaster,” when you are sure that the most tragic outcome is 100% possible. The “telepathy” error, when you impart your negative thoughts to others (he hates me because I stutter). This also includes black and white thinking (either I am the best or a complete nonentity), all our endless “shoulds” and “shoulds”, the expectation of a wonderful gift from above, generalization, devaluation... In general, everything that simplifies, cuts off the picture of the world, erases thousands of shades to please our fears and stereotypes.
If you are always right, and they are always wrong, if everyone owes you or you owe everyone, you suffer from hypochondria or treat all diseases with plantain, if you are waiting for manna from heaven or, conversely, punishment - this needs to be adjusted towards a purer outlook on life and yourself, without pink and black glasses.
Where there is focus, there is energy
Real positivity, a pure and noticeable “manifestation” of oneself in reality, will bring the ability to concentrate on one’s own capabilities and unlocking one’s potential. By accepting limitations and acting to the best of your ability without the illusion of power or learned helplessness, you can develop the skill of noticing the pleasant and joyful, and also learn to experience pain, sadness, anger, without explaining to yourself the benefit or insignificance of your suffering.
Take care of your changes
It is important to filter your environment when getting rid of negative thinking habits (as with any addiction). Negative thinking is usually quite contagious, so listen carefully to how you feel when interacting with people. If you feel that communication rather deprives you of strength and worsens your sense of self, it is better to moderate the presence of such people in your life.
And the last note from the psychologist: if negative thinking has become unbridled (turns into auto-aggression and extreme forms of self-criticism), you need to seek professional help. Help yourself, even if right now it seems like you don’t have any serious problems. Or vice versa - that no one will help you. Allow yourself to look at the world a little unusually. This is where change begins.
What useful things can you read and look at on the topic?
Daniel Kahneman on cognitive biases, intuition and happiness. Video lecture.
Brain illusions: Cognitive distortions due to information overload
Cheat Sheet on Cognitive Distortions. Translation of the article “Cogntive bias cheat sheet”, author - Buster Benson
Cognition is on your side
Keep more sunny thoughts in your head. Our ideas shape us no less than our habits and character traits.
You've probably heard how strongly attitudes learned from childhood influence us even as adults. They change with difficulty and gradually.
Try to give yourself half an hour and write down all the beliefs that you have about yourself. For example, my mother’s words “Woe is my onion.” Grandma’s “what a scoundrel.” Dad's "brat." Next to each, write something positive or refuting this attitude. After all, you are no longer a sorrow, and perhaps even someone’s greatest joy. And of course, not a scoundrel or a scoundrel. It's time to take off your old clothes, they no longer suit you.
The sheet can be cut into two parts. Tear up the old installations and throw them away. And read new ones regularly. So that the brain remembers your new image of yourself.
Remember, with our thoughts we program how we see reality. Beliefs alone cannot change the world around you. But if you start thinking differently, your behavior will change. And everything around will instantly react and begin to move in response to such metamorphoses. By the way, you can read about the development of mental abilities here: https://wikium.ru/r/wobur5x4. I highly recommend it, the material will help you become a little better and closer to happiness than yesterday.
How does a positive attitude manifest itself?
- Optimism and motivation
- Positive and creative thinking
- Self-esteem and self-belief
- Inspiration and expectation of success
- Accepting problems and failures
- Search for solutions and opportunities
Having a positive attitude towards the world around you has one interesting ability - it CHANGES YOUR LIFE! And for the better! A positive outlook on things certainly leads to Happiness and Success!
Be careful - it's contagious!))) A positive charge affects not only you, it affects everything around you - people and even circumstances.
What are the benefits of positive thinking?
- Brings more positive emotions into life
- Gives self-confidence and fills with energy
- Helps you achieve goals quickly
- Gives inspiration to motivate yourself and others
- Problems disappear or are easier to bear
- You grow in the eyes of others
- Life smiles back at you
A story about such a different life
It's easy to be positive when everything around you is great and there is no reason to worry. But alas, life doesn’t work like that. Each of us on our way encounters a thousand reasons to cry, grieve, and blame ourselves. Everyone makes mistakes, sometimes big ones. Everyone, at least once in their life, burns with shame and doesn’t know where to turn their eyes.
How to treat yourself positively when everything around you is against you? The whole secret is self-esteem. In how we treat ourselves in moments of failure, how supportive and caring figures we can be for ourselves.
Take troubles easier, they are inevitable and definitely do not say anything about your personality. Even the most successful person in the world has fallen into trouble many times, woke up tired and, in moments of doubt, wondered if it was time to retire.
Mistakes do not ruin our lives. On the contrary, they show us the right path. They are our teachers and helpers. Especially if we know how to look towards the matter at hand, and not concentrate on ourselves and our personal misfortunes.
