Can a man change for the better for a woman?
When trying to resolve the question of whether a man can change for the better for the sake of the woman he loves, one should proceed from this postulate.
At the age of 20-25, each person is already a fully formed personality with his own worldview and goals in life, needs and habits. And any direct attempt to change this personality will be met with one thought: “She doesn’t like me the way I am!” And this may be followed by the question: “Is it worth continuing the relationship then?”
Therefore, just going on the attack with the hope of changing some qualities and habits in a man is a road to nowhere.
Still, if you want to maintain the relationship, there will be a need to change the man at least a little. But a man simply won’t want to change and in the end he will either refuse to continue the relationship and leave your life, or you will leave your zone of trust, which will also not help strengthen the union.
What to do?
It is important to initially try not to turn off your brain while falling in love and be able to notice not only the good in your loved one, but also obvious shortcomings. And immediately determine for yourself whether there are any shortcomings in these that you will never be able to accept. So maybe this is simply not your ideal and the decision to live together is an obvious mistake?
Please note that an ordinary slacker is unlikely to turn into a workaholic. Someone who always makes you feel guilty will not stop being offended over trifles. And a clearly irresponsible person will be capable of only promises. Such and similar cases just need to be accepted or not, the man will never change.
But it’s quite possible to overcome other everyday habits that you don’t like. For example, smoking, excess weight, untidiness, etc. These little things can be easily fixed.
And here the recommendations will be:
- When expressing your wishes, be specific and laconic. Don't nag the man.
- In casual conversations, try to clarify that he is your support and hope, that you need his support in life. He will be pleased to be in such a role as a defender who has to be at his best.
- If a man also expresses dissatisfaction with you about some minor habits, then also try to wisely accept his requests and eradicate your shortcomings forever.
- By showing how much you love and appreciate a man, a man will form an inner conviction and motives for changes for the better.
- Always be sensitive, tolerant and tactful. Don't rush things. Think more about the qualities of a man that you like. Maybe his shortcomings are actually “little things in life”?
- Find practical solutions to change a man. For example, he is fat and smokes . So talk to him and make a joint decision to buy a membership to the fitness club. This kind of general exercise and healthy lifestyle will clearly benefit both of you. You yourself want to have a beautiful sexy body .
- Every time you notice that a man fulfills a request, reward him in some way. Such positive reinforcement will help develop a reflex to change. And what difference does it make how you achieved it?
- It is important to create in a man a desire to change . This is the only way he can meet his beloved woman halfway.
Audio recording of the famous psychologist M. Labkovsky - “How to change your soulmate. How to re-educate a man” and a video from another psychologist will help you decide whether a man can change for the better for the sake of the woman he loves, and will give you a reason to start taking action!
Mikhail Labkovsky: How to change your soulmate
Video: How to re-educate your husband
Your happiness depends only on yourself!
Requests for help Write your story
Hello, my dear women, all those who have experienced the same misfortune, and just people who root for us with all their hearts. I, too, can already tell my story; before this day I tried several times to write at least a line, but I couldn’t, tears simply “choked” me! The fact is that 5 months ago my husband left me, leaving me with 2 children (I have two daughters)!!!! And he didn’t just leave, but with great betrayal! But first things first! This whole story began back in September 2013. My husband’s behavior suddenly changed dramatically towards me and the children. He began to often stay late at work. And over time, he stopped spending the night at home altogether. He also stopped noticing the children. To my questions and suspicions: “maybe you have another woman?” he denied everything. He said that he simply had very serious problems at work, and that if he did not resolve these problems in the near future, he would definitely be imprisoned. Moreover, it all looked so believable that I didn’t even have any idea that he was lying to me. And I simply trusted my husband. How else could it be? After all, we lived together for 12 years! But this is just the beginning. He asked to help him solve his problems (to borrow money), and I, as a devoted wife, borrow a large amount of money for him. Then everything seems to start to improve. But on New Year’s Day, having taken all the money in the house, he says that he is leaving to work in another city in order to cover part of our debts. And again, I believe him. Because a plausible story was invented again! On January 10, he calls and says that he will be home in an hour, but he never arrives. I’m all on edge, maybe I had an accident (he was driving his own car)? And so I spent 2 days on sedatives. Then he showed up and told me everything. That he had not loved me for a long time, that he had another young girl (12 years younger than me), that he simply doted on her. To my question, what about me and the children, he answered: “to each his own.” And he will come to the children and pay child support regularly. But it was not there! Gone for a long time! I’ll say right away that I’m on maternity leave (my youngest daughter is 2 years old), i.e. At that time I was not working, and going to work was a big problem, my eldest daughter has a genetic disease, she has serious health problems (she needs care). So I still can’t understand how it’s possible, after living with a person for 12 years, to simply leave him with 2 children, leaving him without a livelihood, knowing that I don’t have a mom and dad in another city, that it will be difficult, no that word. But he left anyway and nothing wavered. But that’s not all: it turns out that he took out 3 million rubles in loans to start her business and buy a car, and that’s where the money I borrowed for him went too! This is the story, in a nutshell. At first I didn’t want to live, I wanted to jump out the window, but he suddenly arrived and saw me standing on the windowsill and just laughed at me. After that, I decided for myself that I would live, at least for the sake of my girls. He came to my daughters 2 times for 15 minutes in 5 months, gave money this month only to the child for shoes! Next week I'm going to court to file for child support. Thank you for listening to me, my soul became easier!
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Alexandra, age: 38 years / 05/22/2014
Responses:
Dear, Alexandra. I sincerely feel sorry for you, and it’s a pity that they did this to you. This is very difficult and most importantly: scary and terrible. Alexandra, you need to wait until your pain subsides, and then think about how to live on, how to raise your children. You have a difficult and difficult path ahead, but you are strong, hold on, don’t give up. There is no need to commit suicide for such a person, he doesn’t deserve it, that’s true. If a person easily did this to you, you shouldn’t expect something else, even if he returns after a while - nothing good will come of it, you will still think about how he won’t leave, or again You were not deceived or betrayed. You have two girls, especially since one girl is sick, you have hard work to do - look after her and help her. Alexandra, as a rule, life will put everything in its place, but this takes time, try to gather yourself and all your strength and tell yourself: “Sasha, pull yourself together, you need to move on with your life.” The road lies beneath the feet of the walker. If possible, go to a psychologist, go to church with your children. Alexandra, all the best to you and all the best.
Tatiana, age: 30 / 05/23/2014
Hello, dear Alexandra! Never, never even think about suicide again. You will ruin the lives of your two daughters, for whom you are responsible and your own lives. We need to calm down, apply for alimony, resolve financial and property issues. Don’t expect any help, support, or attention from your husband now; decide everything yourself. Find out your rights and the rights of your children, play it safe, consult with lawyers and attorneys. At first it will be very difficult, painful and difficult. But don't despair, hold on with all your might. Ask your family, friends, and friends for help. Boomerang returns to normal. The husband will still answer for his actions and for his betrayal. And you need to survive this lesson, not despair, come to terms, move on, raise girls, become happy without him, cope with your difficulties. When BM2 left me, leaving me with loans taken out for him, I constantly cried and my 14-year-old son hugged me and said: “Mommy, we can handle it. Everything will be fine". BM2 was not interested in how I live and how I pay for loans, because he didn’t care. After a while, I realized that tears won’t help my grief and I need to solve my problems myself, since I believed my husband. That for my own sake, for the sake of my children (I have two), I must endure everything, be strong and become happy without having a husband. In a year it will feel much better. And you can easily provide for yourself and your daughters. Trust God, come to terms with the situation, cry too much, experience your pain, let go and forgive him for everything. He will answer for everything: for your tears, for the tears of your children, for the fact that you wanted to take your own life. Hang in there, dear Alexandra. I hug you tightly.
Lera, age: 41 / 05/23/2014
Sashenka, I’ve already read so many bitter stories on this site - women’s and children’s tragedies caused by the cruel actions of irresponsible people. But for some reason yours brought me to tears, although it was already beginning to seem to me that my heart had turned to stone after my own family catastrophe. I really want to convey to you words of support, consolation, and give you and your girls a piece of warmth. I am also 38 years old, my parents died early. My son is growing up. My husband left in August 2013. Now I can already say thank God, but then this event almost deprived me of my health, so I understand your feelings well. He also gave out a loan at my expense, although the amount was relatively small and he spent it so that he would have something to show off in front of the girls (there were several of them). Now I remember all this with disgust, but then I was ready to pay much more to get my family back. Sasha, there is no recipe that will save us from pain and bitterness - we just have to endure it, endure it. This is a serious test we have in life. Nothing has wavered and will not waver among them - we came across such non-humans. What to do now?! We need to move on with our lives - after all, we have children. Only we ourselves can save ourselves, with God's help. Over time, you will be proud of yourself, and your girls will also adore and be proud of their mother. The main thing now is not to become limp or give up. I’m so grateful to myself now that I writhed in pain, but got the job done. Hang in there, Alexandra! Your name is wonderful. Do the best for you and your girls now and time will do the rest. Hugging you.
Yuu, age: 38 / 05/23/2014
Sasha, how can I console you?! Just hug and cry with you. The girls have already written you many kind words. Working on yourself will help you survive in this situation. By this we should understand: a positive attitude, living for the sake of our daughters at the moment, turning to the Lord, the concept that if the Lord allows something to us, then it means we need it at that moment, although sometimes we don’t understand why and why . I read your story and was horrified. I even called your husband a nasty word, God forgive me! And when I sat down to write you words of consolation, I realized that your story is partly similar to mine, too. Only I still have some feelings for my husband, although he doesn’t deserve it at all. Those. when this happens to us, out of love we are ready to justify any of the lowest and most disgusting behavior of a loved one. And when we look from the outside, we perceive the situation completely soberly and adequately. What am I talking about? Reread your story as if this were happening to your sister or friend?! It's getting scary, isn't it? What conclusion can be drawn? That's right, this is it: “these traitors are not worth our crazy suffering about them.” Although we all initially sin, that we don’t want to live without them, and food doesn’t go into our mouths, and mental pain becomes physical. You ask how they can do this?! It turns out they can. Each of us, faced with the betrayal of a loved one, asked ourselves this question. None of us recognized our husband. The answer is not so complicated: the person found himself seized by the passion of fornication, that is, he committed one of the mortal sins, as a result of which he began to lose his human face and the concepts of morality were completely erased. Awareness of your behavior will come to your husband when everything there collapses. It’s good if he then goes to God to repent, but if he meets a third woman, then he will fall into the abyss. So be angry with him, only in the good sense of the word. Let healthy anger help you to perk up quickly and think less about him, who so easily stepped over his family. But at the same time, do not allow hatred towards him. Hatred destroys. Try to forgive, no matter how painful it may be. Treat him like he is sick. And now he is. Spiritually sick person. I wish you a speedy recovery, overcoming this crisis, so that you find your peace of mind and begin to enjoy life again. Read the materials of this amazing site and the stories of other women. God's help to you and your daughters. Hugging you. Everything will gradually improve for you.
Ekaterina, age: 38 / 05/23/2014
Alexandra, you now need to live with a cold mind, and not with emotions, in order to feed yourself and your daughters. Feel free to apply for alimony! I would also advise you to contact a lawyer. For example, in our city there is a lawyer who helps divorced and abandoned women for free. There are special organizations for such women who find themselves in difficult life situations. You have a sick child and they can tell you your rights to benefits or medical care. service. Live for now for your children, and who knows, maybe God will give you a reliable and loving man. Although many of us are losing faith in this. I wish you and your children happiness and health!
Marina, age: 29/05/23/2014
Alexandra, I also saw such a story only from the other side! Men often hide the true state of things in the sphere of feelings - that's what this taught me. Probably their business comes first, since they are able to put such things in the shadows. And one day they decide to reveal the state of things when there is a push. My ex-friend got married, writing me letters in 3 days on the topic “Save me, I love only you!” At the same time, you can trust him. However, he did not dare to ruin his decision (deed). Everyone lives well, but it’s creepy for me to know this, because he later wrote to me in secret. They believe that the impetus for a break is then there is a logically convincing reason. They are logicians. New passion reason. I believe that traitors do not return to their former selves. Betrayal changes a person to a new Personality, to a new type, with which one can no longer find anything in common. There is no going back to the old days!!! There are either improved relationships or none, but the former does not exist. I advise you not to wait... because betrayal changes a person and in order to repent you must experience the Horror of your betrayal and voluntarily surrender to the pangs of conscience. Almost no one is capable of this. An example of this is Judas. But Apostle Petro was able to return back to Christ, because he agreed to Die on the cross upside down, he agreed to Faith in Love. And Judas didn’t need it, since everything there had been dead for a long time. The difference in personality is rotten will and conscience is unlikely to be reborn without the Iron Will. I support you and hug you!
Darling, age: 35 / 05/23/2014
Sash, what are you doing? What window? The girls are growing up amazing! And the husband, well, how can we call him a husband? And we will have time to die (without them, if anything). You have children, which means you also have grandchildren - incredible happiness! And God is his judge. Believe me, he won’t find it too little.
lenap, age: 42 / 05/24/2014
Girls, my dear girls (let me call you that)! Thank you for your kind words and your support! Thank you for sharing my pain with me. Sometimes, it is important to know that there are people who will understand and support you. Today is my youngest daughter's birthday, she turned 2 years old. Today I once again realized what a blessing and what a gift of fate my daughters are. Who just hug, kiss and help me with everything. And BM didn’t even remember about his child’s birthday. Still, I will never be able to accept the fact that how can you, knowing that your children are almost starving, not help them. Here strangers will give away a piece of bread, but his own father has turned his back on the children. What is going on in this world? Yesterday, by pure chance, I turned on the computer, I looked and it turned out that he had not deleted his mail. “I stuck my nose in there,” may the Lord forgive me. you know what I saw there: at the end of April, my eldest daughter had an exacerbation of asthma. I needed money for treatment, so I asked BM for it. He answered me that there was no money, that he now had very serious problems with his business. And at the post office I discovered that it was at this time, when he says that there is no money, that he takes his fairy to spa hotels, buys her jewelry for 100 thousand. (I found his bills paid online, through Sberbank) but he cannot give 8 thousand for the child for medicines. I will never be able to understand or accept this. Thank you again for your kind words. May the Lord protect you all.
Alexandra, age: 38 years / 05/25/2014
I read it and got very angry! Firstly, go to divorce lawyers, Secondly, loans are divided during a divorce, you may have concessions, because in court they will find out for what needs they were taken, Thirdly, your husband is hiding income - this is possible prove through his email, which will significantly affect the payment of alimony. Become a bitch in the end!!! And then you will cry when you do everything possible for your girls and for your beloved self!!!
Alexandra, age: 38 / 05/25/2014
You wrote that you cannot understand how this is possible - you don’t need your own children. There is a concept of passion. It blinds, after which a person commits rash actions and such actions as a result of which spiritual murder occurs. A man shoots himself and is no more. I will write to you the words of a priest - “after a man betrays his family, he dies IMMEDIATELY.” Here's your answer.
Darling, age: 35 / 05/26/2014
Alexandra, I just want to hug you and support you, you are not alone! So many people worry about you and even mention you in their prayers, women with a strong will, who have found the strength to rise up and move on... To become purer, stronger, more spiritual... We don’t know why trials come upon us, but try to understand what the lesson is We must learn from this situation, we must. Try to live for the sake of your beautiful daughters, try to protect them, as far as possible, from repeating your mistakes, from repeating your fate... I sincerely wish you a speedy resolution of your problems. I wish you to find yourself, to find yourself new, alive, interesting to yourself and your children. Read the books of Larisa Renard, these are incredibly interesting and wise books, I hope they will help you at least a little to look at the world and men differently. Hugging you!
Nika, age: 26/05/29/2014
Dear Alexandra! I really sympathize with you! I wish you that everything will work out in your life. So that the pain goes away and meet a kind and decent man. Your story truly touches my heart. You are human! A real person and mother! Be proud of yourself, love yourself and the girls.
Tatiana, age: 32 / 06/06/2014
Good afternoon, Alexandra! There is such a thing in life as DECENTITY. Think about whether you need to have a dishonest person next to you. Be glad that life divorced you from this person, you will only be better off without him. Raise your children, they love you sincerely, and not for something. Finances will always be there, they come and go, the main thing is to gather your strength, life itself will help you. You will meet your man again, please do not think that children are an obstacle to this. One friend of my friend got married and moved to Germany with three children! Life will put everything in its place. This person is not worthy of you, if possible, erase him from your life and start living from scratch
Elena, age: 31 / 06/13/2014
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