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It is generally accepted that potential victims of complexes and phobias are children and women. This opinion is wrong: men also have fear of phobias. They try to hide them, maintaining the status of the “stronger sex”. As a result, men's complexes and fears only get worse. Both women and men suffer from complexes and want to get rid of them.
Everyone is subject to fears or insecurities.
Psychological complexes and fears in men
Even the most successful man is not without complexes; in psychology, this concept means a set of ideas and attitudes that have the most direct impact on behavior and personal development. A lot of research has been devoted to male complexes and fears, and little has changed since the time of Carl Jung, who introduced this term into psychoanalysis.
"Short Man Syndrome"
We can say with confidence that the existence of “short man syndrome”, which causes short men to be stereotyped as aggressive, is not supported by research. As you know, Gandhi was only 5 feet and 3 inches tall, and it would be difficult to find a less aggressive person in the world than him.
For every Hitler there is a Saddam Hussein (6 feet 2 inches), for every Napoleon there is Idi Amin (6 feet 4 inches), and for every Stalin there is an Osama bin Laden (6 feet 4 inches), all of whom are tall men with equally aggressive tendencies. Think also of such cute shorties as Ronnie Corbett, Mickey Rooney and Ernie Weiss, whom we can hardly call dictators. Short men sometimes actually have a lower chance of success - and, from their point of view, much less.
But in reality they are no more aggressive than their taller counterparts. Perhaps it's time to give shorties a chance - and provide a special platform for climbing the career ladder.
Complexes in men and their signs
A man is always filled with pride and is even proud of his shortcomings. He has no intention of giving up his delusions. Rather, on the contrary, he cherishes them. Instead of quality, he boasts of quantity, and instead of intelligence, he boasts of knowing everything.
There are six particularly common psychological complexes in men; below you can learn in detail about each of them.
Boasting of his potency. As you know, stupidity does not cause pain, so this type of man is more willing to devote himself to exhausting physical exercises than to thinking. For adult men with such a complex, the main thing in life is their body, but they improve it, primarily in order to attract as many women as possible. Such men do not always realize that the strength of their muscles is disproportionate to the strength of their attractiveness. They are a miracle of potency, they can if they want, but they always want. The sense of pride of representatives of this type is based on their own potency. I would like to advise such men to contact the Sexaholics Anonymous club, because such a “hobby” makes them uninteresting in communication.
Hunter for jackpots. He is constantly in love, but every time with someone else. He doesn’t bother remembering names; for him, all women are “treasure” or “darling.” The real Doll Hunter is not particularly varied in his methods of seduction. He considers it his duty to tell every pretty girl that she is “the only treasure.” The main symptom of such a complex in men is dependence on the mother. Mother is a real value for them. If this type tries to pick you up at a disco after a glass of alcohol, convince him that you only have maternal feelings for him. This will make it clear to such a man that the boy can do anything except sleep on his mother’s chest. Therefore, entry is prohibited!
IQ obsessed. He needs to make an effort to hide his surprise at the discovery that a woman can distinguish a computer from a hair dryer, that she can not only speak, but also write and read. In the minds of this type of man, all women are stupid and created to run around shopping while they are busy with serious mental work. And it is not easy to destroy the confidence of such men in their own know-it-all. Play “How to Win a Million” with them and change the answer cards for them - your partners will not rise to the occasion.
Fear of being a bad lover
Men's complexes in bed, in principle, include many things. Here is the fear of not satisfying a woman experienced in intimate matters, the fear of impotence, and anxiety about the imperfect size of one’s penis. A bad lover complex can develop even if you are unable to kiss.
Sex is a very important aspect of a man's life. And he, of course, attaches a lot of importance to it. The recent sexual revolution has led to the fact that we are constantly shown on film and television screens what the genitals of ideal lovers should be and how they should caress their women. Well, many men are not capable of this, not capable! And it’s not really necessary to have sex for several hours in a row! You can get sick... And there’s no need to talk about the ideal sizes of penises. They fit only porn stars. Normal women get along well without them.
But our loved ones don’t want to take all this on faith. And they become obsessed with their sexual pseudo-imperfection, thus creating another inferiority complex within themselves. What should a woman do in this case? Just always let your chosen one know that he is unique, and sex with him is simply amazing. And delicately teach something if he really doesn’t act very skillfully in bed. And at the same time, do not reproach him in any way if sexual intercourse suddenly does not work out. A man is not a sex robot. Everything happens in life.
What other complexes do men have?
What other complexes do men have that can interfere with the harmonious development of relationships with women?
Donkey with money. Money is not a problem for such men. Their wallets are always underlined, full of receipts, debt papers, credit cards from various companies. A sign of such a complex in men is the desire to conquer a woman with the help of material wealth. Such men are successful with women, but their relationships are short-lived. A donkey with money believes that a woman can be attracted with a lot of money and a Cartier watch. It’s a pity that representatives of the fair sex don’t wear price tags, then he could have included the costs of contacts with them in the appropriate book under the “saved” item. A donkey with money is often found in small companies, but is not attached to them and soon abandons them. He is able to quickly win the favor of women, but just as quickly get bored of them. The biggest secret of this type of man is their credit card numbers. After that short acquaintance, these people generally lose interest in women. But, dear ladies, Donkeys with money may end up with accounts in a Swiss bank.
Dangerous tandem
Can this complex be overcome or rationally adapted for everyday life?
The first and most important thing in such situations is to understand the role of the father. If a person still has a negative perception of the father’s role, he should try to find something positive, something for which he should be grateful.
Sometimes the relationship with the father gives rise to a desire to receive more love and understanding from the mother. Love is not carnal, but filial. For a boy, if the relationship with his father does not work out, but there is maternal love, growing up, it is easier to adapt to life than without maternal warmth.
At the same time, the complex is often accompanied by the formation of a possessive relationship between the mother and her son. The mother, trying to compensate for the lack of love of the father for his son, creates a situation of mutual dependence: hers on her son and her son on herself.
This kind of “filial love” binds a man so tightly to his mother that sometimes it prevents him from taking on the role of husband, father in his family.
Psychology of relationships: men's fears
In psychology, in addition to complexes in men, men’s fears are also considered, which have the most direct impact on the behavior of the stronger sex.
The most important male fear in a relationship is the fear of abandonment. Psychologists conducted a study on the feeling of jealousy. The results turned out to be very interesting: men are more jealous than women, especially if they have few friends; they do not trust people and are not confident in themselves. Although nature has endowed both men and women with this feeling, women cope with adversity more easily. They can give a worthy rebuff to their rivals, becoming more attractive and erotic. Men often withdraw into themselves and drown their grief in alcohol. And the reason for such a reaction is often not jealousy as such, but the fear of abandonment. This is the main secret of men.
If we talk about family life, then we cannot leave aside such a family problem as children. It’s not for nothing that they say that without children, a family union is incomplete. In psychology, such a male fear as the fear of being removed from education is also considered. Most men want to take a direct part in the educational process, and even if some do not show it, everyone subconsciously wants to actively participate in the life of the child.
The material was prepared by the editors of ladycharm.net
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Relationships with women
Many guys have a complex in front of beautiful girls. Men's complexes towards women are a very common problem of the stronger sex. They, without realizing it, may suffer from an inferiority complex in relationships. Fear of the fair sex can manifest itself at the moment when a man meets a very beautiful girl. Women are surprised by such a complex.
A guy sees a beauty on the street. His reaction is to cross to the other side so as not to meet her. He believes that she is not for him and does not get to know her. All because the guy considers himself not handsome enough for her.
Even a man who married a very beautiful girl can have a complex. He thinks that she will leave him and marry a more lucrative rival.
Everything happens because the male complex does not allow one to escape from the fear of being unloved, unwanted and rejected. Guys are afraid to marry beautiful women because they are sure that cheating is inevitable.
Men's fears regarding women are associated with the fear of becoming henpecked. It seems to a man that fulfilling all the requests of his beloved means becoming a weak-willed henpecked man.
The complex comes from childhood and adolescence. Reasons for its appearance:
- Peers making fun of boys who look after girls, helping to carry a briefcase or treating them to chocolate.
- The problem of mother and child. There may be a conflict between a boy and his mother, who demands that her son obey her rules, but he persists and does everything in defiance. If a boy cannot outgrow an important period and understand what his mother wants from him, in adulthood he will tyrannize his wife for any reason.
The degree of danger of such a complex in relation to women is very high and depends on how susceptible the man is to the fear of becoming henpecked. Fears can manifest themselves in a mild form: a man politely insists that he is right. Complexes can manifest themselves in the form of aggression for any reason. A man who obviously knows that he is wrong in front of a woman, but stands his ground, behaves especially aggressively.
Fear of being henpecked can lead to aggression
A complex guy. Men and their main complexes
Complexes
- this is a serious problem for most people around the world, because it is they who prevent us from achieving our goals, fulfilling our dreams and feeling confident when surrounded by others. Please note that the majority of people who are prone to introspection are well aware of their complexes, but do not always find the strength to fight them.
Women
It has always been interesting to know the peculiarities of male thinking, so they often visit thematic forums, pay attention to their acquaintances of the stronger sex and read books about male psychology. If you want to take one step closer to knowing men, then this article is just for you. It’s probably no secret to anyone that even the most successful and handsome men have complexes, but they don’t always talk about it. If you don’t want to get into an awkward situation, then you will have to study the most popular complexes that worry the stronger sex.
Men's complexes: what worries them and why?
1. Subordinate complex
. Men are told from childhood that they should be strong and self-sufficient. Even when he was very young, his mother told him that he should be decisive, self-confident and dictate his own rules. This can work great in a family where the woman is ready to submit: this way, this boy, as an adult, will be able to realize his ambitions. But what about the situation with choosing a job? Everything is much more complicated here, because not every representative of the stronger sex becomes a leader or director.
Fear of becoming henpecked
This male complex is intensively cultivated by society and its roots go back to the very childhood of our faithful. The fear of becoming henpecked is expressed in the fear of a woman limiting the independence of a man. Its appearance and development are influenced by both maternal upbringing and the influence of peers. Boys usually do not approve if some of their friends are too loyal to girls, obey their wishes, run errands, and so on. Real boys, they say, should not allow female control at all! Otherwise, they are not “real boys”, but weaklings.
Actually, peers themselves are not the main reason for the appearance of a henpecked complex. Well, just think, in childhood boys tried with all their might to show their superiority over girls! And what? Many of them, growing up and falling in love, knock the childish nonsense out of their heads, change and become gallant gentlemen and excellent husbands. A similar male complex usually develops in those whom the mother considered a small child, even when they became taller than her. She believed that her son was not yet capable of taking responsibility for his actions. Naturally, the idiot son rebelled against the attack on his independence or against what seemed to him the symptoms of such an attack.
As a result, having already become an adult and getting married, this man transferred his previous model of behavior with women to his wife, trying with all his might to prove to her his independence. It may look pretty decent. For example, a husband simply snaps when his wife tells him: “Go for a swim!”, “Go, eat!”, or asks how his day was and when he will return home. Or it may result in rather aggressive attacks on his part and a complete reluctance to obey the call to the bathroom or kitchen and report his movements and plans. They say, leave me alone, I am not your property and I will do what I want, when I want.
What should we do if we managed to marry such a chronic peace-breaker? Well, first we need to figure out whether he really suffers from a fear complex of henpeckedness. Perhaps we are trying to drive a man under his heels? If yes, then you need to change your own behavior. And if not, then you need to give him a feeling of security and remove from communication with his dear and beloved husband all elements that he considers an encroachment on his freedom. And don’t ask where he was, what he was doing, don’t order him to go to the table, but simply say: “I missed you so much and didn’t even have dinner without you. Are you hungry? No? Well, then maybe you’ll sit with me!”
First trouble: masculinity
So, let's start with the first “trouble” - masculinity. The direct translation of this word is masculinity. However, in the Russian language, masculinity means, first of all, courage, stamina, endurance, strength of spirit and body, the ability to risk life and even give it “for one’s friends.” When we say “courageous man,” a portrait of a strong, powerful in spirit and body, courageous man appears. A courageous woman is one who is resilient in adversity, resilient and strong. That is, the word “masculinity,” in contrast to “masculinity,” carries within it a definition of obviously positive qualities of a person that may not be tied to gender.
Masculinity, like femininity, means the state of the sex as a whole, male or female. A masculine woman is a masculine woman, and not at all masculine.
What is it like, the state of the male gender?
A real man, based on the definition of masculinity, is a kind of indestructible hero who has two properties that traditionally distinguish him from a woman: sexual strength and intelligence. A real man, by classical definition, is brutal, makes tough decisions, and treats women somewhat condescendingly and patronizingly. It would seem like a dream, not a man: “a real colonel”! But it was not there. Modern life has allowed women to compete with men in open sexuality, intelligence, strength, and even brutality.
Just twenty years ago, the ideal of an adult man began to change rapidly. This is not a period of time for history, but how many human dramas happened on this short path! Those who saw it remember.
The atmosphere and ideology of recent Soviet life provided clear criteria for male behavior. The demarcation line was clear and military-style, without gaps or ambiguous interpretations. The value system was built hierarchically: “think about your Motherland first, and then about yourself.” The main and most important characteristic of a “real man” was the constant readiness to give his life for his country, for his cause, for his comrades.
Remember the Pioneer Oath? “In front of my comrades, I solemnly promise...”
Live voice:
Anatoly, 44 years old, Moscow:
“When I was a pioneer and studied at school, the image of a “real man” was laid down in the family, at school and on the street. Mom taught that a real man gives up his seat to elders on public transport, lets a woman go ahead, helps carry heavy bags, cares, respects, helps, is not rude, calm, self-possessed, correct, cultured, honest, etc. I believed in this and Until now, many principles remain fundamental, which are internally difficult to circumvent or not observe.
The school taught love for the Motherland, selflessness, devotion, hard work, patriotism, etc. This was less believed, so much of it melted away or was transformed into other views and aspirations.
The street taught its principles of life. Be strong, defend personal interests, don’t be afraid, don’t whine, don’t complain, don’t “knock”, don’t “give in” on “your own.” From the mixture of these and other principles and qualities, a personality was formed. This foundation, base, base went into “free floating” after graduation and began to either develop or be formatted depending on new living conditions and the strength of the foundation. This period for me fell in the nineties. The transformation of past values, lawlessness, a different reality and new opportunities have drowned out what family and school gave in their time, and opened up space for principles acquired on the street, which in many ways were not entirely correct and honest.”
And yet, the main qualities of a man remained heroism, selflessness, readiness to accomplish a feat, giving his life for the Motherland, for a friend. Self-sacrifice did not necessarily mean protecting the country from external enemies. Although the external enemy was always invisibly present. There were other “battles”: for the harvest, for fulfilling the plan, for promotion and strengthening, achievement and victory... on all fronts of peaceful life.
Octoberists, pioneers, Komsomol members, and party members stood shoulder to shoulder to guard the “correct” understanding of the tasks. Arshin, measuring personality, lovingly warmed by all kinds of committees, accompanied a person from the first step to the last breath. Any ideological and pedagogical “heresy” was uprooted like a weed. Everything that could be interpreted ambiguously was strictly corrected.
Masculinity had a bright “deadly halo”. The country loved and honored those who died with special delight. Many researchers on this topic have written about the “deadly halo” of Soviet masculinity. The most interesting and complete of them belong to the pen of Zh. Chernova, I. Kon, E. Zdravomyslova, A. Temkina. Thus, Igor Kon in his book “A Man in a Changing World” writes: “... on the pages of Russian newspapers even in the 1990s, the most positive male characters are usually already dead, doomed or sacrificing themselves.” We will return to the topic of the lethal aspect of masculinity when we talk about the growing up of a man, his transformation from a boy and an adolescent into a man.
But another important process related to our topic was taking place in the Soviet Union: a sharp feminization of society.
We were certainly not alone in this process: all over the world, the feminist movement and natural socio-economic processes were overturning established relationships in families and society. However, society has never changed so rapidly in any country. The feminist movement in our country has always seemed ridiculous to me. At the beginning of the last century, society and government allowed women to carry sleepers, work on great construction sites, risk life and health, and work in any field of production. Here we were ahead of the rest. It is a well-known fact that at the end of the eighties of the last century, nine out of ten women studied or worked.
I don't want to go into statistics or describe my recent social life in detail. This is not a sociological study. But I can’t ignore one important fact: managing the family budget.
Whatever one may say, the creation and distribution of material values is the basis of any community, including the family. And this is all about the leading role of a man, his masculinity. In families just some twenty years ago, it was natural and considered correct that the man gave the woman his entire salary, making himself a “nest egg” from bonuses or overtime money. In many families, every morning the wife gave her husband money for lunch, a ruble or two. It was the woman who decided what purchases and when to make, where to go on vacation, and what school to send the children to. Although this tradition gave rise to jokes, it did not cause strong protest. Hence the eternal debate on the topic “who is the boss of the house.”
A man was limited not only in the distribution of material goods, but also in their “production”. And this is, perhaps, one of the most important factors that gave rise to the psychology of dependency, which is still relevant today. Even if a man was ready to work twenty-four hours a day to provide for his family, improve his financial situation, change his apartment, buy a dacha and a car, he still would not have succeeded. The salaries for each profession had their own “ceiling”: if you hit a board, you will receive not a cash bonus, but a personalized watch and a certificate. You will have honor and respect, but you still won’t have money. If you’re lucky, they’ll put you “on the waiting list” for purchasing a car. About ten years... There was no need to talk about an apartment if your living space exceeded the registration norm by at least ten square centimeters. And then, there was no concept of “buying”. They said: “received, given, provided.” About consumer goods - “get it, get it, give it, throw it away.” The money earned was colloquially called “pay.”
The tongue is the most sensitive organ in the social body.
It reflects the real lives of people, and not slogans and numbers. Do you hear in this vocabulary the melody of powerlessness and dependence on those who “give” and “provide”? The people immediately sang propaganda verses from a German leaflet during the Great Patriotic War into a ditty: “On the left is a hammer, on the right is a sickle, This is our Soviet coat of arms. If you want, reap, but if you want, forge, You’ll still get x...”
How to be responsible for your family in such a situation, how to support it? Resist, don’t resist – the result is the same. The men gave up and a feeling of hopelessness and passivity was born. They felt: little depends on them, everything is in the hands of other people; if they want, they will give it.
This gave rise to irresponsibility. Not superficial indifference like “I won’t wash the dishes.” And the deep one, in which it is necessary to adapt to the general social situation and not rock the boat. The notorious infantilism of adult boys. I will even say – dependent consciousness. Several generations of men grew up with the feeling of a “low ceiling” and a “narrow corridor”. Social elevators worked only through the party-trade union door, and even then with restrictions: “no more than it should be.” There was no need to rely on yourself, to think that you could, by working tirelessly, provide a better life for your family. Little depended on the man.
But masculinity primarily implies independence, energy, courage, initiative and responsibility. It was necessary to find mechanisms for adapting primordially male properties to the proposed life circumstances. And, naturally, they were found.
The feeling of unfulfillment and psychological suppression of masculine leadership were partially compensated by honor and respect at the enterprise, and the accumulated aggressiveness spilled out in the family and in private life. As a rule, this resulted in domestic fights, rude male company, tyranny of wives and children.
I think that almost every person of the older generation knows a family where the head of the family is a domestic tyrant for his own people and the sweetest person for strangers. Complaisance and obedience in society were compensated by rigidity, reaching the point of cruelty, in the family. Both neighbors and co-workers envied the woman: “What a wonderful husband you have!” The criteria for a “good husband” of that time were: “Doesn’t drink, doesn’t hit.”
Learned social helplessness also had a downside, already associated with the power of women in the family. Men, being limited in choice, abandoned personal independence and responsibility, fled into the world of boyishness, into infantilism, social and domestic. They delegated social responsibility to the boss and family responsibility to the wife.
Women had no choice but to shoulder the entire burden of care and responsibility for raising children and for family well-being. So feminism won in our country not because they fought for it, but because there was no other choice! “I am a horse, I am a bull, I am a woman and a man.”
There is another interesting point regarding the sexual aspect of masculinity. We all read the myths of Ancient Greece at school, perceiving them as fairy tales. However, they also have psychological overtones. The system of ancient mythological ideas of the Indo-European culture, to which we are directly related, also gave rise to a common unconscious. What am I talking about? About symbols that act on the human psyche more powerfully than words, because they have a more ancient origin. So, the sickle is a symbol of the first castration of a man. The god Kronos, at the insistence of his mother Gaia, castrated his father Uranus. The sickle is not only an ancient symbol of agriculture, in our unconscious it still exists as an instrument of castration. Often men, and sometimes women, talk about an unpleasant and unexpected event: “Like a sickle in the balls.” Now imagine how men lived under this symbol for almost seventy years of the existence of the USSR. Combine this “trifle” with the state of suppressed masculinity described above – and you will get a psychological portrait of a man whose youth occurred in Soviet times.
A sharp sickle cuts the phallus -
it was the Soviet coat of arms. Symbols of castration were carried at demonstrations.
And then the dashing nineties struck. And when the entire civilized world allowed a man to follow the path of intellectual masculinity, our men rushed with all their accumulated aggression to realize what they had been suppressing and repressing for decades - into the rampant brutality. That’s why they are “dashing”, these years, because the hero has become a fearless, flaunting strength and limitlessness in relations with “strangers”, prone to violence, living “by the rules”, a rude man. And women were given the honorable right to clothe and feed the country. It was the women who rushed with “death to Aeroflot” bags for bright clothes, and it was they who laid out meat, sour cream, and vegetables on oilcloth in large squares of Moscow. Anyone who remembers will understand what I'm talking about!
In an ideal family, the wife has no idea where the money comes from, and the husband has no idea where it goes!
This is what Ilya, 32 years old, Ural, wrote to us:
“I grew up until I was 11 years old in a society with certain values and an understanding of the “place” of a man in society. In the period from 11 to 16 years, when the moral support of parents is important, mine, and the parents of many children “from the people” found themselves, along with their values, experience, labor medals, in the “dump” of history, shaking for a piece of bread in the new market . They were not interested in our development in terms of masculinity and future success; fed them, and with that I bow to them. Social fear and uncertainty were transmitted to us, in particular to me. I experienced the division in the lower grades into high school students and “losers” with C grades in mathematics, without the right to decent treatment from teachers. Plus, a lot of us, young guys, were overwhelmed by alcohol, and some by “drugs.” I remember the feeling of humiliation from the meager salaries from the “new Russians”, after technical schools and institutes.
What makes a man “real” is the clear and significant authority and merits of his ancestors, loving parents, a balanced family environment in childhood, recognition of the right to self-realization, and professional mentors in business. What kind of masculinity do I and those like me, and there are thousands of us, have? Maximum – memories of massacres, who “crushed” how many girls (sorry!), etc. Fears and complexes! And so from 19 to 25 years. And here the presence of reason and the fear of being left with nothing begin to stir up motivation for sluggish attempts to do something “in the end.” I and many of my comrades quit smoking at the age of 30–36. Bicycle, boxing, etc. But financial success, zero social significance. And this personally irritates me terribly. What kind of love, children, weddings are there? I'm ashamed to live like this. Read Komsomolskaya Pravda for June 2011. Several people from the criminal group collected “tribute” from the officers of the naval base. The entire base! I share the opinion of Ksyusha Sobchak: many of the Russian men – including me – are amorphous shit!”
A terrible letter, and I am grateful to Ilya for the courage to realize this and write about it. The history of recent years has left its mark on the consciousness of a generation. And the next generation is the children of their parents.
According to the figurative expression of Viktor Erofeev, “a man consists of freedom, honor, hypertrophied egoism and feelings. The first was taken away from the Russians, the second was lost, the third died, the fourth was jelly with bubbles.”
Denis, 28 years old, Moscow:
“To begin with, it is important to distinguish between a man as a representative of a gender and a man as a bearer of male gender characteristics. Here the conversation is about gender, and not about sex, since gender is an innate given, but gender qualities are acquired in the process of socialization. I see a real man as an ideal essence, a kind of archetype, personifying all gender male characteristics in their extreme manifestation. There are no absolute “real men” in reality, there are real men. And we don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Everyone lives according to their needs and capabilities. In our modern society, men sometimes really need not only masculine, but also feminine qualities. Nevertheless, the myth of a real man lives in the public consciousness. With its help, we are often manipulated by both other men and women, about whom you definitely cannot say “real”.
So what is happening now, these days? In my opinion, at the beginning of the 21st century, the dream of a “real man” was revived, more in line with the ideas of the patriarchy period, that is, pre-Soviet times.
Usually when asked to women: “What should a real man be like?” the answer follows: “Provider, support and protector,” a traditional set of masculine properties is listed. When we begin to understand what this means, we understand: none of these roles suits most women. But women cannot list anything new. The word “partner” is used very rarely; not everyone is psychologically ready for this.
Breadwinner means breadwinner. But the breadwinner and breadwinner should be obeyed, he should be obeyed and his interests should be observed first and foremost. Tired - we cancel a trip to a restaurant, in a bad mood - we tiptoe, we decided to go fishing with friends - we pack a bag, we are dissatisfied with how busy our wife is at work - we change jobs...
There is one more wish - for the husband to be a support. It’s also unclear: where are we falling, where is the state of instability coming from? And if support is required, then who will support the man himself? Perhaps this common word means reliability in difficult life situations, for example, when a woman is pregnant or caring for a baby? Probably yes. But a man also expects reliability and support from a woman when he is weak and helpless.
The next female request is the desire for the husband to be the head of the family, make decisions, and lead all important life processes. But the head will have to obey, make those decisions that may seem unreasonable or wrong to the wife. And the head is the head, whether you like it or not, you have to carry it out and obey.
The modern woman does not agree with this state of affairs. Words describing a “real man” no longer correspond to a woman’s real needs. The old order of distribution “he is the breadwinner and the head of everything, and she is the keeper of the hearth” does not suit the modern Russian woman. The world and women's needs have long changed, only words remain. A woman wants something else, and she doesn’t know what...
Recently, “A Questionnaire of an Ideal Man from a Woman’s Point of View” was published on the Internet. In my opinion, we hit the nail on the head.
QUESTIONNAIRE FOR AN IDEAL MAN
(FROM A WOMAN'S POINT OF VIEW)
1. I am rich, I do not have an ex-wife, children from my first marriages or other relatives. And I'm also a billionaire.
2. I am very generous. I don’t mind spending a couple of tens of thousands of bucks on a twenty-fifth fur coat for You.
3. I really love animals. It touches me when they chew and scratch my things, shit in my best shoes and eat important work documents.
4. I respect women's little weaknesses. Two-hour conversations on the phone, constant shopping and online flirting bring me into ecstasy.
5. I never throw my socks anywhere, I take care of my appearance (manicure, hair removal in the sinuses, eyebrows and pubic area), and I don’t snore at night.
6. Faithful to the point of equanimity, since the feeling of unshakable maleness is alien to me.
7. I'm ready to get married! Right now. In order to shoulder the burden of family responsibility, along with your children and dear relatives, I am ready to actively take all the stars from the sky!
8. I will love your mother. Always!
9. I don’t drink alcohol, even low-alcohol cocktails, much less beer and other rubbish, I don’t watch football, hockey, and generally don’t watch sports programs due to persistent intolerance. I love Mexican TV series!
10. I don’t go to the bathhouse with friends, so as not to spend money on prostitutes, thereby protecting the family budget and health; I also don’t go fishing, for the same reasons.
11. I don’t approve of gatherings with friends in the garage and never participate in them. And in general, I have no friends, because I love my wife to such an extent that I don’t need friends!
12. I am tall, athletic, handsome, like a Hollywood actor. My sexual temperament allows me to be a world-class porn star, but due to natural modesty and fidelity, I do not participate in such events.
13. I don't care what you look like. For the main thing in a woman is her inner spiritual qualities.
14. I cook, wash dishes, wash, iron myself. These are my favorite activities. I also dream of taking and picking up our future children to and from kindergarten, and then to and from school and dragging around to parent-teacher meetings.
15. I say compliments one hundred and fifty-eight times a day, and I swear unearthly love to the grave even more often, and I always do it sincerely and from the heart. I am a monogamous person by nature. I've been waiting for you all my life!
16. Of course, I have my own little shortcomings - night hunger, which prompts me to empty the refrigerator, and phone sex, but only so as not to lose my skills. But due to my countless merits, such trifles, I think, are forgivable.
The joke was a success, if only because it reflects a complete misunderstanding of our claims to each other: we cannot keep up with the rapidly changing world.
Sergey, 30 years old:
“Probably, from my youth, I had a strong feeling that women do not need men with their – no matter how pretentious it may sound – inner world, pros and cons, light and dark sides, but a kind of centaurs. From the waist up they are beautiful (not ugly), smart (not stupid), successful (promising), with a great sense of humor, etc.... And from the waist down they are just stallions, and nothing more. But in fact, to paraphrase the Strugatsky brothers, I will say: it is difficult to be a man, and it always seems to have been difficult. And especially at the present time. There is a lot of consumerism on both sides and little, if not no, depth in the relationship. And it’s scary that many men and women don’t even want to build relationships. Because it is very difficult, and because we are very different, and because it requires significant mental and emotional costs. Of course, it’s much easier to meet in a neutral zone, pamper, laugh, spend time together, and then run home. And then we, men, hear the words addressed to us: “Yes, they are all the same, and they only need one thing.” And women hear even more clearly: “Yes, they only need money.” I can’t say for sure what it means to be a “real man,” but I know for sure: sometimes it’s difficult. We are living people and we need emotional and other support no less than women, and we don’t always get it.”
And here is what Peter, a listener of “Silver Rain”, wrote, answering the question of who a “real man” is:
“The phrase “real man” was invented by women, and obviously back in the Soviet era. It sounds like “real (pioneer, Komsomol member, athlete),” etc. The list goes on. Do you imagine a “real woman” or the expression: “I will only marry a real woman”? But I won’t marry a toy. There is no need to create an “idol” for yourself; you should feel comfortable, understandable, respectful with a person... No one owes each other anything in life. And even in civilized countries they will not understand what a “real man” is. While you are looking for him there, they will use you and leave you to their own interests. In the modern world, men and women are equal.”
A good word is “equality,” but only between men and women it sows conflicts, and sometimes enmity. And all because a man has one thing that a woman does not have. And therefore equality turns out to be somehow strained and the balance cannot be maintained for a long time. And the name of this thing is the phallic complex. And it is most directly connected with masculinity, moreover, it defines it. This is where, in my opinion, lies the cause of the crisis of masculinity.
And if everything is more or less clear with the criteria and defeat of masculinity, then what is the phallic complex?
