If a man works a lot, how can I support him? Proper support for a man

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He is constantly busy - what should I do?

“You never have time for me!”, “You don’t pay attention to me at all”... Sound familiar? These are common complaints from women whose men are constantly busy. If you have the same thoughts in your head, most likely this is true - you are not getting the attention you want or you are given less free time. Let's try to figure out why your man may be constantly busy and what to do about it?

He's always busy

Let's start with the not entirely pleasant reasons and conclusions. If your man truly loves you, he will find time to contact you during the day. A call or SMS is a matter of minutes (if you don’t chat and text for hours). Don't believe him if he doesn't have time during the day to make several calls (or text messages if he's at a 12-hour symposium). Everything happens in life. And indeed, sometimes men, so as not to spoil the mood of their beloved after failed negotiations, simply do not call. However, if you begin to notice that this has become a habit, think seriously - maybe it’s worth finding out the real reason? Believe me, if they love you, they will find an opportunity and a reason to contact or see you. “Who wants, looks for a reason, who doesn’t want, looks for a reason” - sometimes remember this saying. With a meeting, of course, everything is somewhat more complicated than with means of communication, but even here you need to understand everything correctly - if meetings with friends take at least as much time as meetings with you or, conversely, with friends He sees each other more often – maybe it’s time to discuss this with him? If it’s really busy, that’s one thing, but if not, don’t torment yourself with guesses and feel free to find out what the reason is. And the faster, the better for you.

In any case, there is no need to make decisions rashly.

Pity is poison

Just as water wears away a stone, pity wears away any strength of a man. Imagine if they often tell you that you are poor, tired, rest, lie down. Eat more, why bother. Sooner or later, all your plans will fade into the background, the first priority will be to relax, be lazy, rest, everything is fine.

For the stronger sex, this poison is many times more harmful. Since a man bears much more responsibility, he is responsible for the state of the family, for its resources and ability to survive. If you feel sorry for him like a mother, like a child, then he may well turn into a rag. There is no motivation to move forward. Just don't confuse pity and care,

it's different.

Therefore, words of support should exclude pitiful statements - no “poor little thing” or other baby talk. If a man couldn’t cope with some task, don’t emphasize like, oh well, it’s better to take a break from worries, why do you need this? This way you can also lower your self-esteem, and this threatens to destroy your relationship.

It is stupid for a man to deny the obvious. A goal was set and, for various reasons, not achieved. But you must be compassionate in the sense that you trust that your loved one
can find ways
now or later to achieve a goal other than this one. That he will cope in any case, that he has all the strength and capabilities for this.

What to do if he is constantly busy

So, if you really want to figure out what the matter might be, and not be capricious and create scandals on the above topic, analyze his activities. If he has recently been promoted at work or has seen a sharp uptick in his business, then your man may really be pressed for time. That is, he is simply in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, in hundreds of calls, meetings, letters, trips, he simply physically does not have time to keep track of time, which means that for you 5 hours have passed, but for him in such an environment only an hour. It happens. Try to put yourself in his place. Would you like that after a grueling day of work, when you “try hard for her”, etc. (and he probably thinks so), when you came home, did you receive not support and encouragement from your loved one, but another scene and a spoiled mood? Hardly. Many men rarely call during the day precisely because they know that they will hear another reproach on the phone. That's why they don't call. Hence the lack of attention.

And so on in a circle.

If you love your man, let him know it. Support him, listen, be a “reliable back” and support for him. You can't do without patience here. Let him realize that there is no one more important to you than him. Give first, ask later.

Next you need to ask for yourself. Don't make the mistake of giving all of yourself on the altar of a relationship. Rarely does a man appreciate this. Explain what care and love mean to you. Don’t forget that this should be expressed in concrete actions - a language that is most understandable to men. There is no need to sulk like a mouse in the corner. Yes, all women want their thoughts to be read, their hints and desires to be guessed without unnecessary words and thoughts. This moment in your life will come when your man receives detailed instructions about what kind of hints and desires he will have to guess in the near future. Write him a whole list of such wishes (for example, “Wake me up with a tender kiss and warm words every morning”) and hand it to him with a tender kiss. Strange method? More likely. Stupid? May be. But it is no less stupid to try to express this for months only with hints and veiled phrases. Give it a try. This will be a push to action. If your man really loves you, he will show concern only by remembering the list, and not about each item on it.

After all, the most wonderful thing you can do for your man is to love him, support him and remember to take care of yourself.

But whether you need this, whether you are ready to be such a support for him, whether you are ready to be patient for your sake - it’s up to you to decide. In any case, remember that “breaking is not building” and strong, long and happy relationships are built only by mutual love, patience and care for each other.

Good luck to you!

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The guy works a lot and I miss him

Anna. N, as a psychologist, I believe that every adult is responsible for his choice. If a girl chooses a workaholic man for a relationship, then why then tries to change him, and not adapt to his lifestyle? After all, there are many men around you and you are free to build relationships with the one you choose. You yourself chose to move to another city for a man who ALWAYS worked several jobs and from whom women left for this reason. to myself - why did I choose this particular man? Why were you previously satisfied with the amount of attention he paid to you when you met and you chose him, although he was constantly at work and lived in another city altogether? Why now, when you live at his house and thanks to him have the opportunity not to work and live well, do you want him to radically change to suit your needs, simply because you are bored without him? Why are your desires more important than his desires and he should adapt to you, and not you to him? You talk about your love for him and the importance of attention and communication in a relationship. But at the same time, you yourself don’t want to strain yourself for the sake of communicating with him “you have to travel a long way to his work” and show attention to him - for example, you don’t consider it necessary to pamper him with homemade food “they feed him in the canteen anyway.” Although you have plenty of free time for such trips and all you need is your desire for this. While your man is constantly busy at work, but in your opinion it is he who should spend a lot of time on the way to you and somehow get out and have time for a part-time job, just so that you don’t have to leave the house and get communication with him. So it turns out? Is it love on your part to create difficulties for him that you yourself are not ready to go through in order to satisfy your desires? “Or do you, as a psychologist, think it’s normal to go away to work for days and leave your girlfriend for his relatives, i.e. attention and communication are not the main thing in a relationship? Do you think so?” If we talk about what is important and what is secondary in a relationship, then everyone determines this for themselves. A large number of families nowadays live like this - the husband earns money in another city (sometimes in another country), and the wife and children see him only from time to time, when he comes to stay at home for a short time. But he regularly provides for his family and gives them the opportunity to live a normal life. It’s the same in rich families - the husband is constantly busy with business, often on the road, and the wife herself finds something to do, using her husband’s credit card. There are men who devote a lot of time to their hobbies - they go mountain climbing or go fishing or do something else, that is, their wives don’t always see them even after work, because a lot of their free time is taken up by hobbies. There are people who are constantly on tour or filming, or who work abroad for years, go on long voyages (sailors and machinists), work on shifts, in closed military garrisons, etc. And such families also live long and do not break up. In general, there is a guest form of marriage, when people live in different territories deliberately, so as not to interfere with each other, because their everyday habits do not match, or because they live in different countries. But at the same time, they are a family and take care of each other, raising children together, although they don’t see each other every day.

As far as I understand your situation, your relationship began at a distance - you lived in different cities, but this did not stop you from falling in love with each other. So long-distance relationships exist - you experienced it yourself. And now for some reason you decided that a man should adapt to your needs and refuse the job that he chose for himself. If attention to you and communication are a priority in a relationship, then you should initially choose a man who leads a lifestyle suitable for this. But it’s unlikely that you can change a person to your liking. Your man is quite accomplished, with his own clear priorities, since he has not changed his lifestyle for any woman before. If you knew what kind of life he led and that other women could not stand it and left him, then it was worth weighing whether you were ready to adapt to him? If you are not ready to share with your man the lifestyle he leads, look for someone else. Talk to him about your ideas about future family life, does he share your views on what is important in a relationship? If it turns out that your views on relationships are different and he is not ready to change anything in his lifestyle, then you have a choice - if you love and appreciate him, then build up to him, or end the relationship, if attention to him is more important to you. to you.

He works a lot

Question: nika

I’m mentally tired of waiting and crying with my heart... My boyfriend and I have been together for quite a few years, but due to the needs of his profession, we see each other once a week, or maybe once a month... I understand him - he needs money, but let him understand me... I don’t once I talked to him about this, but he replies that this is life and that I think he will choose to sit next to me and die of hunger... Help me, how can I best approach this problem, where to start the conversation, what arguments are best to choose, because I don’t want to live like this all my life...

Answer: psychologist Alena Moskvina

Hello nika! In a man's life, work means a lot, and it does not at all cancel out love. A man strives to earn money for himself, for the woman he loves, and earns it as best he can and as he wants. It is very important for a woman to realize that her beloved is nearby. I want to see him as often as possible. Therefore, the busy work schedule of a friend or husband always leads to conflicts. Both suffer. She is lonely, she is sad, she waits all the time and is bored. He works, gets tired, is also bored, and receives constant reproaches. It just so happens that in such a situation, either someone needs to reconcile and submit, or the couple breaks up.

You, nika, just can’t come to terms with the constant absence of a man. I don’t want to constantly wait and feel lonely. This means your friend must give in. How? Does his profession allow him to find a job in his profile with a normal schedule? That's the main question. If he cannot work in his specialty anywhere except in his current place, then what should he do? Give up everything and go to school, or do unprofessional work? Isn't it too big a sacrifice? Of course, you can do this for the sake of your beloved, but how will he feel after? Will he blame you for professional discord, will your relationship deteriorate, will your friend feel like a failure? It is very difficult to live with a man who has not succeeded in his profession, or who is doing something he doesn’t like.

Or maybe you should be patient. Ask your friend about his plans for the future. What he is trying to achieve is that maybe over time his schedule will become calmer in a new position on the career ladder. After all, your well-being depends on the success of your loved one. Believe me, coming home and seeing an embittered man on the sofa every day is even worse than being bored apart now. Think not only about the present, but also about the future.

If a friend has the opportunity to choose a job according to his profile, but with a different schedule, then follow your policy, but only calmly and unobtrusively. Give hints, but don't forget to be affectionate and smile. You won't achieve anything with tantrums and scandals, so you can break up altogether. Water wears away stones, female patience is the key to many things. Just think again whether you will break your friend by firing him from his current job.

Different arguments can be given, but as long as you are not married, do not have a common home, family, children, then the emphasis in the problem comes down only to your loneliness. And this is not the strongest argument (if you love - wait, if you don’t love - don’t wait), unless rivals intervene, misled by the constant absence of their loved one. But jealousy is twofold; it can help or it can destroy a relationship.

If you are planning a wedding and children, then the main consideration is how you will cope without your husband. I don’t want to be single with children with an existing spouse who rarely shows up. Money alone will not solve this problem. But if your friend is not talking about the wedding yet, then you are not in a hurry, otherwise such far-sightedness can seriously frighten a man.

Sincerely, Alena Moskvina

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