Instructions: how to determine a person’s self-esteem and character by his voice

How to Speak Confidently

Authority and confidence are two tones that inspire respect. Although some people use them interchangeably, they are different.

Authority is the tone you use when you truly have authority over someone and want to instill obedience. Imagine a general giving a command.

Confidence is the tone you use when you don't have power over someone, but you still want to inspire respect. Imagine someone explaining an idea they strongly believe in.

We'll start by learning how to speak to power, because speaking with confidence is just speaking to power, but 50% less intense.

How self-confidence can help us

Unfortunately, we have no control over how other people can talk to us. But we can always control how we react to their conversations and our behavior. And taking responsibility for your own behavior and communication is the first step to improving communications with other people.

Self-confidence is one of the most important skills. Which you need to master to reduce the stress associated with negative or unsuccessful conversations with people. Confident communication is essential to achieving our goals and realizing our plans. Therefore, I consider persistence, aggressiveness and passivity as tools to achieve goals. Assertiveness, when accompanied by self-confidence, is the most effective of these types of communication. And this can really help us significantly in realizing our plans.

For example, if we take ordinary situations. You want to go to bed because you have a test to take early in the morning and your flatmates, friends or relatives are keeping you awake. How do you tell them without being sure? Or, if you're feeling financially stressed because of your partner's spending, how do you approach them and let them know? How do you tell your partner that you want changes in your relationship or in your sex life? We are able to implement all these questions and solutions to similar problems thanks to self-confidence. So in order to develop confident communication, first start working on your self-esteem and self-confidence.

The power of pause

To start speaking with authority, add intentional pauses to your sentences.

For short sentences, add one pause in the middle. For longer sentences, add two pauses at the 1/3 and 2/3 marks.

If you're going to say "sit down right now," say "sit up straight now" (let's assume the comma means pause).

If you were going to say, “You should behave and apologize to your sister,” you would say, “You should behave and apologize to your sister.

Try it now. Say these sentences out loud, with or without pauses. Feel when the pauses should appear naturally.

Difficulty influencing another person or group of people

Renowned psychologists also call this the “manipulation problem.” This situation is the main reason for the general failure and, as a result, the uncertainty of conveying one’s thoughts. The problem is solved in two ways. The first says that a person needs to be “bought”, verbally forced to listen to you. This is achieved by creating interest in the interlocutor to agree with you. The second method is the use of psychological pressure, the result of which, most likely, will be the speech suppression of your opponent and, conversely, the appearance of additional courage in you.

Accent

Next we need to add an accent.

When you speak to authority, everything you say should be a little more emphasized. However (and this is the main thing), the last word before the pause should be doubly emphasized. So instead of saying, “You need to sit down,” you should say, “You need to sit down .”

Don't confuse accents with anger. Stay calm and don't raise your voice. You want to add power to your words, not volume. If you don't control yourself, people won't respect you.

Make sure you also lower the pitch on that last word rather than raising the pitch. Otherwise it will sound like a question, and you don't want that.

Practice

Once you decide what you need to change in your speech, practice speaking in new ways as often as possible. Big public speaking doesn't happen very often, so start practicing in everyday situations.

When talking to colleagues . While you don't necessarily need to appear super confident over a cup of coffee, casual conversation with colleagues is a great opportunity to practice your speaking skills without fear or anxiety.
When you propose your ideas at meetings . How confidently you present your idea often determines whether it will be heard and respected.
When commenting on someone's work . If you need to evaluate another employee's work or skills, sounding confident is very important. In such a situation, try to practice at least one aspect of your speech that you want to change.
When you ask questions . There are many opportunities for practice here, because we ask questions often - at meetings, trainings, seminars.

Speak with confidence

Of course, you only want to speak to power when you have power. If you start ordering your friends around, you will soon find yourself friendless. (However, note that if someone, even a friend, does not respect your boundaries, you should use a tone of authority to tell them to back off.)

Luckily, this tone is easy to use to convey confidence rather than authority. Just reduce the intensity by about 50%. In other words, keep the pauses, but make the emphasis 50% lighter.

You have to practice until it sounds natural. You can record your voice and listen to yourself to get an idea of what you sound like. With a little practice, you can easily switch between a tone of authority and a tone of confidence.

How to believe in yourself and overcome self-doubt

Voice and character of a person

By the voice, its volume and tone, one can determine the internal state of the speaker.

What can you say about a loud-talking person? That his emotional state is agitated, that he cannot control himself, he is angry.

If a person speaks quickly and assertively, then such a person acts first and thinks later. About a person who speaks slowly and deliberately, we can say that this person is inclined to weigh and think about his actions.

If during a conversation the pace of speech accelerates, accompanied by gestures, then this person imagines what he is talking about. If, during a conversation, speech slows down and becomes quieter, then this indicates the speaker’s uncertainty. If speech is confused or lowered, then quickened, then we have an uncontrollable person.

The volume of speech also says a lot: a shrill, broken voice indicates fear or strong excitement of the speaker. A low, calm voice indicates dignity and confidence. Clear pronunciation indicates a disciplined person, while slurred speech indicates that the interlocutor has no respect for others and does not care that he is not understood.

The intonation of a voice betrays a person, even if he tries in every possible way to hide it. By intonation you can determine whether a person is kind or evil, modest or arrogant. Even without understanding all the words and not yet being able to speak, the child understands by the emotionality of speech what kind of person is: good or evil.

The voice varies even according to the age of the person. The vocal cords are different at every age: in young people they are more elastic and their voice is higher and softer, in older people the cords become decrepit and their voice becomes duller.

The timbre of the voice is affected by the size of the mouth and the weight of the person. Based on color, the voice is divided into soft and hard. A soft voice that reaches the level of oil indicates a sycophantic person, and a hard one indicates an energetic one.

Be careful and study people by their voice.

You may not see a person, but as soon as you hear his voice, your imagination immediately completes his portrait. By our voice, we intuitively feel how openly and naturally we can communicate with the interlocutor. There are no two identical voices in the world.

Women are attracted to rich baritones, men - chesty, female voices that seem to flow from within. And this is directly related to sexuality. If our skin is a projection of the work of the stomach, the tongue is a projection of the immune system, then the voice is a projection of the genital organs. Opera singers with their trills brought men into a state close to ecstasy. Having discovered a connection between the vocal apparatus and the condition of the genitals, gynecologists and obstetricians have developed voice practices that reduce pain and relax the pelvic muscles, and make childbirth easier.

Russian scientists conducted a study in which listeners were asked to use their voice to determine the age of a person who uttered the same phrase with different emotions. Emotions of anger and fear increased the stranger’s age by ten years, while joy and goodwill instantly rejuvenated him. This psychological feature should be taken into account by those who want to avoid aging for a long time.

Some character traits of a person can also be determined by their voice.

For example, women with high notes in their voices tend to speak quickly and are called talkers. Thus, they run away from their experiences and talk about unresolved problems. They give in to society’s aggression and are afraid of life’s obstacles.

Women with a dry monotonous voice are stingy with emotions; iron logic guides all their actions and actions. Their body looks just as tight. Fast, abrupt speech speaks of strict self-control and self-restraint.

People with quiet voices lack the strength to express themselves in life. They are confident that no one hears or notices them. They often have problems with the spine (not enough support) - stooping, lower back pain.

City life also steals the power of the voice. In the metropolis, it is not customary to shout loudly, sing, speak, expressing emotions. Children usually ignore such prohibitions in the first years of life, but at a certain point their parents, educators, and teachers begin to “muffle them.” If the pressure of prohibitions is too great, a person will lose his inner strength.

To remain a strong person, it is useful to give free rein to your voice more often. Look for every opportunity. For example, outside the city, allow yourself to be heard - holler, scream, listen to the echo of your voice. Sing karaoke, sing drinking songs with friends. At home, teach yourself to hum or at least hum any melody under your breath. Keep your posture upright and look your interlocutor in the eyes, this will make both your voice and yourself stronger. Play with your children, copy the voices of cartoon characters and animals. Laugh, don't giggle, cry, don't hold back your tears, scream, don't hold back your anger.

Voice intonation and character

Voice intonations change depending on your emotional or physical state. It is important to discover certain patterns. If some characteristic consistently appears, then we can draw conclusions about the possible thoughts or actions of another person.

There are a lot of speech characteristics, so it makes sense to focus on the most informative ones:

Loud voice

From time to time there are people with loud voices. What is behind this? To assess the significance of this, it is necessary to understand in what situations a person speaks loudly. Most often, the loud voice belongs to people who are trying to control situations and people. The volume is somewhat overwhelming and sometimes even scary.

Therefore, people who strive for dominance and use an authoritarian method of control often use this technique. In some cases, a person’s manner of speaking loudly may be combined with constant interruption of the interlocutor. This is not only an attempt to establish control over the situation, but also evidence of selfishness and bad manners. Some people believe that a loud voice responds to confident people. However, in many cases this is not the case. Rather, people speak loudly, wanting to be paid attention to. They don’t know any other way to attract attention to themselves, that is, we are talking about demonstrative behavior.

Sometimes people use a loud voice to be more persuasive. This manner of speaking has an effect on people, but only on people who are intimidated, weak, unsure of themselves or lazy, who prefer others to make decisions for them.

We often observe when people try to compensate for short stature, poor physique, etc. with a loud voice.

Sometimes the manner of speaking loudly reflects a reluctance to show attention to the interlocutors. People who are confident in themselves resort to a loud voice rarely and only inappropriately, most often for a certain pressure.

Quiet voice

The quiet voice may belong to a person who is confident and does not see the need to dominate the conversation or draw attention to himself. A quiet voice sometimes indicates, on the contrary, indecision and lack of perseverance. Often such a voice is possessed by arrogant people, who force people to listen to them with their manner of speaking.

Every time you hear someone’s quiet voice, you should not rush to conclusions. It is better to take a closer look at the person and understand what causes such a voice and in what situations it is used.

In noisy places, a person who usually speaks quietly is forced to start speaking louder. If this does not happen, it means that he lacks observation, sensitivity, and perhaps he is overly arrogant.

If during communication a person speaks quietly, looks calmly into the eyes, and his gestures are unhurried, then the situation as a whole is comfortable for him. A quiet voice may be accompanied by a reluctance to make eye contact and fidgety gestures. This means that the person is experiencing discomfort, perhaps he lacks self-confidence.

In any case, it is worth taking a closer look at the expression of the eyes and gestures.

Fast speech

It is necessary to distinguish between constant rapid speech and reaction to certain circumstances. It has been noticed that most often people with fast speech are very active and know how to make decisions without thinking. This type of people sometimes lacks caution; excessive impulsiveness leads in some cases to hasty conclusions.

In some cases, fast speech serves as compensation for uncertainty, a desire to attract attention. Both are caused by low self-esteem.

Rapid speech can also indicate that the interlocutor is lying. The words leave his lips quickly, as he wishes to quickly free himself from false information. It is easier to hide the truth under a stream of words.

In such situations, you need to pay attention to other signals and see if they contain signs of anxiety or uncertainty.

Slow speech

The following two options are most common. Confident people speak slowly, calmly and quietly. People who are in a state of discomfort also speak slowly, which should be indicated by other signals.

Sometimes during a conversation, the speaker may slow down his speech if he wants to emphasize some important point, if something bothers or confuses him, if he is composing or is tired.

People who are deep in thought often slow down their speech.

Stuttering speech

Some people's speech has a lot of stops and pauses. Slow speech has its own rhythm; in stuttering speech, a pause often occurs unexpectedly, and the duration of the pauses also changes. Pauses can be caused by uncertainty, nervousness, and embarrassment. Sometimes this indicates insincerity. But the opposite situation is also possible. A person wants to express himself more precisely, he searches for words, and as a result, a pause occurs.

To determine what is causing the pause, it is worth taking a closer look at the body language. A person may start to stammer if they are excited or lying. It is advisable to pay attention to his eyes, breathing rate, and gestures. It is by these signs that we must judge a person’s condition. A liar will not only stammer, but also avoid the interlocutor’s gaze and cover his mouth or other parts of his face with his palm.

A nervous person accompanies his speech with pauses with fussy movements of his arms and legs. If a person just strives to accurately express his thought, then his concentration should be manifested in his eyes and gestures.

Of course, the desire to concentrate one’s attention leads to the same pauses that often occur in the speech of very talkative people. But for the latter, the pause is associated with the loss of the thread of the conversation, which is very clearly indicated by eye movements.

In some cases, slow speech turns into obvious stuttering, which is most likely associated with great nervousness, and maybe even with illness.

Voice pitch

Each of us changes the pitch of our voice when talking to other people. And there are very specific reasons for this.

In most cases, the voice becomes higher due to joy, fear, excitement, etc. The voice “breaks” due to great emotional stress. Various emotional states are confirmed by body language and people's behavior.

When a person is tired, sad, depressed or wants to impress others, the voice becomes significantly lower. But even in this case, you need to pay attention to body language.

Speech stresses

You need to listen carefully to speech accents. Wanting to emphasize a word or idea, the speaker can use speech stress. It is easy to recognize if you simultaneously perceive body language. For example, simultaneously with speech stress, the speaker sometimes leans forward, nods his head, raises his hand, etc. The rule is once again confirmed that it is desirable to learn to notice in the interlocutor’s behavior a deviation from the stereotypic, habitual behavior. Then it is possible to understand both the person’s intentions and his character.

Indifferent voice

If you notice an indifferent or flat voice in your interlocutor, pay attention to his body language. A weakly colored voice can correspond to anxiety, boredom, depression, or loss of interest. Using an even voice sometimes tries to disguise strong feelings, such as resentment, jealousy, envy. The reason must be sought, again, in body language. This will allow you to correctly determine your next steps.

Pretentiousness in the voice

Pretentiousness in the voice, pomposity can be explained by various reasons. This is how people behave who are insecure and crave recognition and approval from other people. They want to appear successful, rich, smart, etc. in their eyes.

In other cases, pretentiousness in the voice is explained by the person’s upbringing. From an early age, he was instilled with a disrespectful attitude towards people who did not belong to “high society.”

By the way, a person’s pretentiousness is very clearly reflected in his signature. The affectation of large capital letters, underlining, and large lowercase letters reveal snobbery in a person. But even here you need to be very careful. If the upbringing did not correspond to the character of the person, then pretentiousness is visible in the writing of the initial of the name, and the true character traits are already revealed in the writing of the surname.

Aspiration

Usually we do not hear the interlocutor's breathing in a conversation. When this happens, we must try to find out the reasons. Conscious aspiration is most often associated with sexual interest. But it may be due to other reasons. For example, anxiety, heavy workload, mistrust, nervousness or stress. You can get a hint by paying attention, again, to body language. Typically, the nervous condition manifests itself not only in uneven breathing, but also in behavior, such as drinking too much water or exaggerated hand gestures. Distrust is usually accompanied by shaking the head or other gestures.

Nagging

Most often, this is one of the ways to manipulate the interlocutor without the help of words, resorting to plaintive and drawn-out sounds or even sobs. Usually the role of whiners is played by followers. They lack strength and self-confidence. They want others to take care of them. Whiners are good at sensing weakness in another person, so it is better to immediately take a certain position towards them.

Slurred speech

Most often, slurred speech is found in people who are insecure, unable to express their thoughts, anxious, shy or tired. People with this manner of speaking are not leaders, do not strive for leadership, and lack cheerfulness and energy. They are characterized by sluggish movements, weak handshakes, and fatigue from life.

The magic of sound

Everyone should know that there is no other voice like his; and if this specificity is lost, then falsehood arises.

By a person’s voice, one can determine his character, mood and even spiritual qualities. The timbre of a voice, like the unique pattern of fingerprints, is strictly individual, and in the USA, England and Italy, a voice recording is considered an indisputable legal document that cannot be falsified.

Some people are naturally given a pleasant voice, while others have to live with a nasty one. But there is always a way out - you can work on your voice. When used skillfully, speech and voice become powerful psychological weapons that act on the subconscious of the interlocutor.

Currently, psychologists have identified the basic emotional reactions of a person to various variations in the pitch and timbre of the interlocutor’s voice.

A high and sonorous voice is associated with youth, energy and, alas, with immaturity and inexperience. According to statistics, women and (especially) men with such a voice are much less likely to be appointed to important positions. An interesting observation was made: the higher the voice, the lower the position.

Moreover, a piercing, high-pitched sound is read by the subconscious as an alarm signal. Thus, a high-pitched voice that sounds for a long time causes an involuntary feeling of discomfort in the interlocutor and reduces the degree of confidence in the words. The owner of a very high voice should, more than anyone else, pay attention to the content and intonation component of his speech.

Those with a low voice are luckier: such a voice is associated with self-sufficiency, confidence, and intelligence. A person with a low voice is perceived by others as knowledgeable and more authoritative. The lower a man’s voice, the stronger and more reliable he looks in the eyes of a woman.

Just the low, velvety voice of a person we have never seen can evoke the strongest feeling of love. This is due to the subconscious reading of the interlocutor’s gene code. The fact is that a low voice is caused by an increased content of male sex hormones in the blood, therefore, the owner of such a voice is more temperamental. That is why a woman with a low chest voice, rich in intonations, seems sexier to men than the owner of a monotonous, thin voice.

Voice shapes character

Some people are genetically given a pleasant voice, while others have to live with a “nasty” one. But there is always a way out - you can work on your voice. When used skillfully, speech and voice become a powerful psychological weapon that affects the subconscious of the interlocutor.

Psychologists have identified the basic emotional reactions of a person to various variations in the pitch and timbre of the interlocutor’s voice.

Moreover, a piercing, high-pitched sound is read by the subconscious as an alarm signal. Thus, a high-pitched voice that sounds for a long time causes an involuntary feeling of discomfort in the interlocutor and reduces the degree of confidence in the words. The owner of a very high voice must, more than anyone else, pay attention to the content and intonation of his speech.

Those with a low voice are much more fortunate: it is associated with self-sufficiency, confidence, and intelligence. People with such a voice are perceived by others as knowledgeable and, therefore, more authoritative. The lower a man’s voice, the stronger and more reliable he looks in the eyes of a woman. By the way, statistics also do not deny the influence of voice on success with the opposite sex. You probably noticed the emergence of romantic thoughts while talking on the phone with an unfamiliar man with a pleasant timbre of voice.

Just the low, velvety voice of a person we have never seen can evoke the strongest feeling of love. This is due to the subconscious reading of the interlocutor’s gene code. The fact is that a low voice is caused by an increased content of male sex hormones in the blood, therefore, the owner of such a voice is more temperamental. That is why a woman with a low, chesty voice, rich in intonations seems sexier to men than the owner of a monotonous, thin voice.

Watch your posture - with good posture, the respiratory organs are positioned correctly, which allows it to be light and free. The sound should come out of the chest. To check the correctness of the exercise, place your hand on your chest; if it vibrates, you are on the right track.

Singing strengthens breathing and improves the sound of the voice. Left in the apartment alone with yourself and household chores, try to sing something loud enough. Inflate balloons - this greatly strengthens the respiratory system, advises Horoscope. RU".

Vary your speech with intonations, especially if you tend to present information “on one note.” Read aloud a small piece of text (preferably a poem) several times, filling it with new intonations with each new reading.

Learn to clearly formulate the idea that you want to convey to the listener. This will save you from the treacherous “mooing” in pauses between meaningful sections of speech. Stock up on arguments in favor of your opinion and place your emphasis correctly.

It is impossible to convince someone of something by quietly chewing phrases. Remember that information presented just half a decibel louder is much more successful in persuading the listener and is better absorbed by him. Set the optimal “volume level” for your voice. Count out loud from one to ten, gradually raising your voice; when you hear a sound that suits you, remember it, and then try to follow it.

Confidence and authority in everyday life

Now you know how to speak with authority and confidence.

Practice is of course important, so spend some time in front of the recorder until you feel you can create the right pauses and accents. If you have a friend or family member you trust, you can even practice with them.

But no matter how you practice, over time you will become more and more able to speak with confidence and authority. Your tone will tell others that you expect respect—and you will receive more respect as a result.

Examples of communication styles

We all use different communication styles. Additionally, one person may exhibit different styles depending on the situation. Our behavior can also be related to a certain situation, or to the place where we are. For example, a person may be better able to control his aggression at home than at work or on the street. Here's one situation with three possible answers. The goal in this situation is to prevent your partner from spending too much money.

Aggressive communication style: “You're an idiot! I can't believe you bought all of this. Why do you need all these things? You were just being selfish."

Passive: “Have you bought those unnecessary things again? Well, okay, so be it.”

Confident communication style : “I would like to know why you bought these things? When can we talk about this?

People who use confident communication try not to get into quarrels and conflicts. Because they understand that this will not help the problem. They do not say offensive words, but try to approach the situation calmly and judiciously. They often use the word “I” in their conversations. In this way, they emphasize self-confidence, but at the same time they can allow the other person to calmly dialogue with them.

Even if you are used to arguing, then try to use the word “I” more often in conversations. For example: “I will continue this discussion when we both agree not to insult each other.” Or: “I understand that you are not ready to talk to me now. I respect your decision and cannot force you. But I want you to know that I am always open to dialogue.” This style of communication shows respect for the person, while at the same time helping you to be more confident when communicating with him.