In communication, a person constantly uses facial expressions and gestures, and some of them he does specifically to emphasize something, but the rest happens to him unconsciously, automatically. Human psychology deals with deciphering such information based on behavior and gestures, so that people can clearly understand the secret signals emanating from the interlocutor during a conversation.
According to research, a person conveys only 30% of all information using words. The rest is non-verbal communication, where body language is used.
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Unconscious movements that a person makes without any reporting in his head are a source of information; with its help, you can learn true information about the character of other people.
Put yourself in his place.
If people put themselves in each other's shoes, there would be no conflicts, misunderstandings, or wars in the world. This sounds, of course, utopian, because is it possible to think about others in all situations? The answer is clear and truthful - no. But, if we want to know how to understand a person, we will have to put ourselves in his position. You need to ask yourself questions:
- What would I do in his place?
- What influences my actions and decisions?
- What feels good to me and what doesn’t?
If we manage to see the world through the eyes of another, we will learn not only how to understand it, but we will also be able to predict subsequent actions.
Leg position
During a conversation, pay attention to how the feet of the people you are communicating with are positioned:
- Crossed legs are not always a sign of closedness and mistrust. Perhaps a person is ready to believe, but feels awkward in an unfamiliar environment, and women often like to sit just like that;
- In the “leg-to-leg” position, the interlocutor’s feet are turned towards you - he is inclined to communicate and is interested;
- If the socks are directed towards the exit - ;
- - the person is tense and ready to defend himself.
Find out the maximum.
The “Iceberg Theory” finds its practical adaptation in each of us. Its essence is this: the tip of the iceberg above the water is what we see and know about a person. And the rest of the ice block is at the bottom of the sea depths. It contains a hidden meaning, a past, a departure into subtext. The underwater part of the iceberg contains the answer to the question “How to understand a person?” If we see it, we will solve it.
To grasp the connection between actions, to understand hidden motives, you need to try to fill out a questionnaire. It will become the dossier of the person of interest.
- Biography facts
- Field of activity, place of work
- Hobbies, interests
- Details of personal life
- Reading, musical interests
- Weaknesses, secrets
- State of health
- Circle of friends
- Relationships with parents and relatives
- Habits, addictions
Experiment
Intimacy is formed when people have a genuine interest in each other. At the same time, accepting your partner for who he is. This is a state that is often called “souls touching.”
Agree, it is much more comfortable to be in the company of a person when you can be sincere with him than to communicate with someone, “putting on” a mask and playing the expected role. Is not it?
Psychologist Arthur Aron once asked this question, what exactly helps to form intimacy. Therefore, in 1997, I decided to undertake an experiment, which is known in the world as “36 questions”.
Its essence was that complete strangers had to ask each other a list of questions provided by Arthur.
Students took part, and the couples consisted not only of representatives of the opposite sex. There were significantly fewer men, so some of the girls talked to each other.
The questions were divided into three parts, 12 in each. Time was limited, only 45 minutes for the entire study cycle.
As a result, it turned out that most of the couples participating in the experiment soon started families.
The girls, deprived of a partner of the opposite sex, remained on friendly terms.
This way they not only got to know each other better, but also shared information that sometimes even close relatives are not aware of. For one simple reason – they weren’t interested.
Observe behavior.
To find out how to unravel and understand a person, you need to take a closer look at his usual behavior. Facial expressions, manner of voice, style of clothing will tell a lot about him.
Speech.
Words and facial expressions must match each other. If something is wrong, dissonance will appear. You should trust the facial expression more than the meaning of what was said. It is necessary to take into account intonation, slips of speech, tempo of speech, and confidence in the voice.
Facial expressions.
How to understand a person and find out how he feels? Carefully watch how the muscles on his face contract. For example:
The eyelids are slightly lowered, the lips are restrained - sadness.
The eyes are squinted, the cheeks are slightly red - pain.
The nose is wrinkled, the edge of the lip is raised - disgust.
The jaw is clenched, the cheekbones are “playing” - irritation, anger.
Eyes downcast, cheeks pale - uncertainty, fear.
Having studied the prevailing emotions, we can draw a conclusion about the emotional-volitional state.
Gait.
A self-confident person is easily recognized by his even gait and forward-looking gaze. Secretive people put their hands in their pockets in any weather.
Constantly looking around and fussiness indicate fear, timidity, and pessimism.
If someone aggressively imposes his walking pace on us, it means that he does not intend to give in or compromise. Those who seem to push their companions in one direction are accustomed to imposing their opinion.
People walk with their heads down, trying to hide their excitement.
Sight.
Numerous studies have proven that the reaction of the pupils, unlike, for example, a smile, cannot be controlled. They, receiving a signal from the brain, expand independently when we feel joy, delight, fear or sexual arousal. Our pupils constrict if we feel anger, hatred or irritation.
Posture and gestures.
If the interlocutor, without noticing it, copies our pose, it means he respects us and is ready to fulfill the request. Tilt of the body and head forward indicates the interlocutor's interest. Crossed arms or legs indicate reluctance to communicate, internal discomfort, and closedness.
Hairstyle, condition of shoes and clothes will tell about cleanliness, neatness, style, and financial condition.
Take a character test
Study of Behavioral Psychology
By the appearance and manners of an unfamiliar person, one can determine his belonging to a social class. And by his behavior and gestures, you can guess about his type of activity, position, character, and draw conclusions about his sincerity and openness, self-confidence.
Behavior is how a person expresses himself in relation to the world around him. These are movements, actions, a complex of reactions of the body in response to external impulses and changes. In other words, behavior is a manifestation of human mental activity through physiology, which has public, social significance. Processes of behavior occur in the external world and are regulated by consciousness, expressing the inner world of a person.
Check.
Vladimir Vysotsky knew how to understand a person. He offered to take a friend to the mountains to test his stamina, endurance, friendship, and human qualities. After all, the best way to get to know another is to find yourself in an unexpected or difficult situation with him, to spend a long time on the road, or to encounter some kind of force majeure.
The ancient sages, to whom brides and grooms turned for opinions about their chosen ones, recommended going on a long journey with their loved ones. They said that if the relationship remained warm after him, it was worth getting married. And if a quarrel follows a quarrel, then it is better not to rush into marriage.
You can find out what kind of person a person really is if:
- Seeing how he communicates with the staff - intelligent people control themselves, selfish people and those who have complexes, shows arrogance.
- Lending him money is the definition of punctuality.
- Throw a cup of coffee on him and he will be surprised to show his real self.
- Gossip about his friends - if he supports the gossip in order to please him, then it is possible that you will be the next object of discussion.
- Telling a secret - as you know, the ability to keep secrets is more valuable than gold.
Sometimes you can, after living with a person for ten years, realize that we don’t understand him at all. What then? Break up because they turned out to be strangers? Moving away without trying to change anything? Or still find out how to understand a person you have known for 100 years? We will tell you how to maintain a warm relationship, and you can always have time to break pots.
General pose
If during communication you notice people who “mirror” gestures and body movements, repeating them after you, this indicates their desire to establish contact, be on the same wavelength with you, and perhaps convince you of something. You can do the same when it becomes necessary to make a stranger believe you.
| Arms crossed over chest, palms open and relaxed | Mistrust, but willingness to open up |
| Arms crossed, fists clenched | High voltage |
| Palms in pockets, thumb outside | Feeling superior, trying to be superior to you |
| Hands near the face, fingers touching the mouth | Secrecy, criticality |
| Rubbing your ear | Desire to speak, impatience |
| Rubbing your nose | Man tells a lie |
| The head is thrown back slightly, the eyelids are half-closed | Feeling superior |
| The interlocutor repeats your gestures | They are trying to convince you of something |
If the interlocutor tells you one thing in words, then his body language will tell you what he really thinks.
Learn to read gestures, and then it will be much easier for you to understand people, see their attitude towards you and determine whether a person trusts you or not.
Look at it objectively.
You need to approach compiling a psychological portrait with an open mind. After all, how can you truly understand a person if you have a long-established image before your eyes? Thus, parents of excellent students cannot believe that their son smoked during recess, because they know how many diplomas their child received and how neatly he folds his briefcase.
Interesting research. Soviet psychologists asked two groups of people to describe a person from a photograph. The first group was casually told that there was a killer in the photo. And the second group of subjects believed that they were describing a valiant hero. In fact, everyone had their point of view imposed on them. This is proven by the result, because the first group saw a proud and arrogant person, and the second group saw an honest and courageous one.
How to quickly recognize a person's temperament by his behavior (and use it to your advantage)
Choleric
Cholerics, as they say, are turned on half a turn and can very quickly turn from a sweet and accommodating interlocutor into a kind of beast who cares little about the opinions and reactions of others. They are very emotional, excitable, with sudden mood swings, they see a catch in everything and like to question even common truths. Moreover, if you still manage to prove to them that you are right, they will easily correct their opinion and act based on newly discovered circumstances. How to identify a choleric person? These people gesticulate quite a lot and harshly, their movements are very clear and sharp, and their reaction is too violent (even to the most ordinary and standard things). They are used to being the center of attention and prefer to direct topics to their loved ones during a conversation.
Sanguine
Although sanguine people are also very excitable individuals, they are not as categorical and aggressive as choleric people. It is much easier to communicate with them, if only because their mood (and attitude) does not change at the speed of light, they do not try to bring you to light in the very first minutes of communication and will react positively to proposals that will benefit them. In addition, they are distinguished by high efficiency, endurance, and the ability to concentrate on the most important thing, and not get scattered about trifles. How to identify sanguine people by behavior? Firstly, such people have smoother and more measured movements, secondly, they are friendly and ready to discuss topics that interest not only them, but also you, thirdly, they have lively facial expressions, an open smile and a “tenacious” attitude. a look that cannot be confused with anything else.
Phlegmatic person
Phlegmatic people are easy to spot. They are quite passive, do not react violently even to the most impressive news and express their opinion on this or that issue quite restrained. Such people practically do not experience negative emotions, it is difficult to piss them off, and it is absolutely impossible to persuade them to do some kind of adventure. What other signs can be used to determine a phlegmatic temperament? Often, such people look somewhat aloof during communication (sometimes you get the feeling that they are looking through you and their thoughts are somewhere very far away at the moment), they hardly gesticulate, their speech is calm and at times even monotonous (the main thing is to fall asleep during negotiations).
Melancholic
Melancholic people are very sensitive and painfully perceive any criticism addressed to them. They need a little more time to “settle” and make decisions (no matter how complex or simple the issue they have to solve). But on the other hand, these people can do quite painstaking work for a long time, without being distracted by trifles, they will never refuse help to someone who really needs it, and they experience other people’s problems as if they were their own. How else can you identify melancholic people? Such individuals are very slow, inclined to dramatize the situation and constantly look for flaws in themselves (even if you tell them that they failed for a reason beyond their control, they will not believe it and will begin to delve into themselves again and again until they find out what exactly their action was led to such a disastrous result).
Compare.
Comparing people with each other is not always useful, but comparing a person with himself in the past and present is a good method. To understand another, you need to track changes in him. By observing new habits, learning about your current social circle, listening to music in his player, you can at least guess what the other person is feeling now, what his thoughts are.
We told you how to understand a person, find out the hidden motives of his behavior and test his strength. Remember that your loved ones should be given time, and new acquaintances should be examined. At least before opening. Follow our tips to make understanding a habit in your relationships with people.
Take the self-esteem test
How a man tests a woman for commercialism
Unfortunately, in the modern world, when choosing a partner, girls often focus only on his financial situation. Of course, no man wants to be treated only as a money bag, so guys want to protect themselves from selfish ladies.
A man who is successful as a person wants to be loved as a person, and not as a source of wealth. Wealthy gentlemen often test their chosen ones for a love of money and a thirst for enrichment. What kind of tests can men give?
- A wealthy gentleman modestly looks after his chosen one: invites her to inexpensive restaurants, gives modest gifts. The purpose of his actions is to look at the woman’s reaction. Will she be capricious because he does not spend significant sums on courtship, and will she happily greet the modest gift?
- A rich man can put on a whole show for the lady he likes. For example, come in a cheap car and invite them into a rented one-room apartment, as if to your home.
- Often, on the second day of meeting, a wealthy gentleman promises to take his lady to exotic islands or on an exclusive tour of Europe. If the girl immediately after these words packed her suitcase and bombarded her with questions about when they will go on a trip, most likely the dates will stop.
- A wealthy man can invite a girl to go shopping in expensive stores and observe her behavior: will she rush into the maelstrom of shopping without counting money, or will she act modestly, without passion.
- A wealthy bachelor listens carefully to what his companion’s friends are discussing. If they are talking about rich suitors, about expensive gifts, then there is a high probability that his chosen one is of the same kind.
