10 rules for a successful date | Psychology of life

Olga Kuznetsova

A psychologist and linguist by training, he currently teaches languages. And looking for his soul mate.

I was once in a relationship with a wonderful man and was happy. And then everything collapsed. Not right away, of course, but more on that some other time. Of course, I was worried. And for quite a long time. And then I decided that it was time to create a new relationship. And about a month ago I registered on a dating site.

There was a time when I listened distantly to the endless unsuccessful attempts of my friends to “find something decent there.” They often complained that their first dates with “amazing men” ended up being their last. Therefore, when starting this stage, I tried to foresee, if not everything, then a lot. And to my surprise, everything went well every time!

Solving this problem, I formulated several simple rules, and now I want to share them. Let's start with the most important thing.

Getting rid of misconceptions

On the eve of a date it will be superfluous, some common misconceptions:

naive fears When getting ready for a long-awaited meeting, a girl gradually convinces herself that her new acquaintance is only interested in sexual contacts. Therefore, when communicating with a young man, she puts on a mask of inaccessibility. “I’m not ready for a close relationship” is her main style of behavior. You should not defend yourself without waiting for an attack. Perhaps the man had no intentions at all other than meeting another representative of the fair sex.
suspicious distrust The woman expects a trick in advance, prepares to be deceived. She is convinced that a stranger must be extremely sincere and honest. Trying to catch her partner in a lie, she herself forces him to lie.
a riot of fantasy A beautiful picture created by a rich imagination does not coincide with the original. You should not trust photographs on the Internet, absentee descriptions and characteristics. If you let your imagination run wild, you won’t be disappointed.

To avoid becoming another victim of stereotypical thinking, do not try to predict the development of events. Everything has its time. You will always have time to be upset, but in the meantime, prepare and hope.

Makeup and accessories

There is no need to put on your face the war paint of an Indian going out on the warpath for the scalps of white-faced people. Too bright makeup does not attract the opposite sex. A thick layer of foundation and tons of lipstick do not make you want to touch your lips to your face. Half a bottle of perfume poured on your head does not intoxicate you with its aroma, but, on the contrary, creates a desire to move away.

READ Questions that can and are important to ask on a first date

Makeup should be light and highlight all your assets. As fashion trendsetters say, the best makeup is the one that is not noticeable on the face.

The same goes for accessories. It is not at all necessary to hang a lot of expensive jewelry or cheap sparkling jewelry on yourself. A girl hung with trinkets resembles a Christmas tree and evokes an unpleasant feeling. A man who meets a young lady decorated in every possible way decides that she is ready to do anything to attract his attention, so he behaves accordingly.

The most important

The main goal of a woman who is going on a first date with a man is to please him, to arouse interest in her personality, and to gain respect. To do this, learn five basic rules:

Know your worth. Let your admirer independently find a meeting place convenient for you. He will even be pleased.
Do not keep yourself waiting under any circumstances. This is disrespect for your partner. The widespread belief that a girl can be forgiven for any tardiness is a crafty lie. The relationship should be respectful and equal from the very beginning. Why are you allowed to do something that would be unpleasant for you?
Leave your shyness at home. Your task is to be restrained, but not timid and withdrawn. A kind smile, an open look, and a casual conversation will relieve the tension of the first meeting and create a favorable mood. Remember, a man is also worried and worried. Try to be natural.
The main thing is a sense of proportion. When meeting someone for the first time, watch your manners. What is accepted and familiar among close friends (loud laughter, loose movements, categorical statements) is inappropriate with a stranger.

Let's learn a lesson: when going on a first date with a guy, the main thing is to create interest and a desire to continue communication. To do this, you don’t need to imitate your favorite heroine from the movie. An original is always more valuable than a copy.

What to give a girl on the first date?

A first date is both a very pleasant and stressful event, for which you want to feel prepared so that the date is fun and no one considers the evening a waste.

How to surprise a girl on the first date? Our mentality considers it the norm that a guy on a date is practically obliged to give some kind of present to the girl, pay for a meal and an event. However, men are not always aware of girls’ expectations; it happens that a guy considers a date just a walk, and the girl has already planned an obligatory entertainment program with flowers and a gift. It’s worth explaining here that for a girl, receiving a gift can mean your assessment of her as a partner, and by whether you give a present, and what kind of present, she will judge, consciously or not, about your attitude towards her. Therefore, in order not to get into trouble, it is better to study the girl’s expectations, if this opportunity exists, and if not, try to give her a small, but appropriate and pleasant present.

How to surprise a girl on the first date? Almost every woman expects to receive flowers on a date. However, guys are often afraid to show such signs of attention, because they are afraid that the girl is not interested in them personally, but in receiving a gift. It’s as if they are testing the girl for non-merchantism, interest in herself, and observing how she will behave if the meeting is held without standard gifts. And there is a certain logic here. At the same time, a girl may consider, quite rightly, a guy to be uninterested in her, inattentive, stingy and tight-fisted.

What can you give a girl on a first date? The best recommendation for meeting for the first time would be a small, unobtrusive, but original bouquet or gift that emphasizes the girl’s femininity. It will make her feel wanted and valued in your eyes. An argument against expensive flowers or gifts will also be the fact that a woman may consider them an indecent hint, an attempt to buy her favor.

Let's understand the details

So, you're in luck. You are going on a first date with a man with whom you are going to start a family. What do you need to pay attention to? You need to imagine yourself in the place of the chosen one and take into account several main points:

They meet you by their clothes

Consider your appearance carefully. Objectively evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your figure. Make an effort and change your image for one day:

If you like a tracksuit, choose classic trousers;
If you like faded jeans and hoodies, wear a dress.

You should not shock your chosen one with an excessively short skirt, deep neckline and tight curves. There must be a mystery in a woman. You will show all your charms gradually in the process of further communication.

Getting your hair done

Look at yourself carefully, remember the last time you visited a hairdresser. Even a trendy and expensive outfit cannot compensate for an unkempt hairstyle. The impression will be ruined. When styling your hair, keep a few tips in mind. It's better if:

the haircut is modern, but not shocking;
hair color is as natural as possible, not green or purple;
The styling is neat, but not pretentious.

Your hair should be an addition to the image, and not an object of close attention and surprise.

Doing makeup

Makeup is a delicate matter. It will emphasize individuality. When applying cosmetics, take your time. Focus on what you like most about yourself. For example, when emphasizing your eyes, do not highlight your lips with bright lipstick. If possible, use the services of a professional cosmetologist. The first date with a man is a responsible matter and should be approached seriously.

Choosing a scent

If you use certain perfumes, you shouldn’t change your habits. While you are in the process of searching, choose a pleasant, long-lasting scent that will make you stand out among the crowd.

Taking into account the weather

Before you go to a long-awaited meeting, look out the window. It may be raining or the wind has picked up. Be fully prepared. The absence of an umbrella can ruin any meeting.

Remember, a man with serious intentions is attracted to femininity and charm. A frivolous rake - a deep neckline and short skirts.

Choose an outfit based on who you hope to meet: a potential spouse or sexual partner.

Let's learn a lesson: We dress in such a way as to attract the attention of the chosen one, and not those of others. You should look a little sexy, erotic and mysterious. There is no need to flaunt your charms. Attracts the unknown. Let there be a mystery within you. To solve it, the man will want to meet again.

Give compliments

The ability to give compliments is an important skill for any guy. Girls love with their ears, and if you sit well on these most charming ears, then it will be much easier to succeed. Many guys are embarrassed or afraid to say nice words to a girl and express their sympathy. Therefore, it is much more difficult for them to achieve goodwill.

You can praise anything. From jewelry to leather. Just choose what you like about your date and tell her about it.

“And you are in good shape! I know it's hard to keep yourself like this. Working on yourself is always a difficult task.”
“You smell great, I like it. What kind of perfume?

Very often, a compliment can be an excuse to touch a girl. When complimenting her rings, you can take her hand. When complimenting your hair, touch your hair. When complimenting a perfume, lean closer to it and smell it. In general, several tasks are solved at once: positive contact is established and the defense is pushed through.

Meeting point

It will be better if you take the decision about the place of the first date into your own hands. You need to meet on neutral territory, but always where you feel confident and comfortable. Don't take an exotic hot air balloon ride if you're afraid of heights. A nightclub or a noisy disco will turn a date into a waste of time. Loud music will interfere with conversation. Dim lighting will hide facial expressions. A large crowd will distract attention. You will have fun and part without knowing each other.

Even if you are used to spending your free time in a noisy company, your first date with a man should take place in a calm, quiet place. Agree to meet at a restaurant or cafe. Go to a cinema or an exhibition. Don't shy away from a walk in the park or in the evening city.

Lesson learned: The choice of where to date should always be yours.

Arrive on time or be late?

Punctuality is a quality that is not inherent in every woman. When going to a romantic meeting, psychologists advise taking your time and being a little late. This should be done so as not to arrive first and thereby not embarrass the young man who kept you waiting. However, if you decide to be a little late, remember: you shouldn’t be more than ten minutes late. Otherwise, the gentleman may simply not wait for you. If a man comes in or picks you up at home, being late is out of the question.

Let's talk about the main thing

How to behave with a man on the first date to achieve your goal. This is only greeted by “clothes”, but everyone sees off “by the mind”. Let's look at several options.

You are young and attractive, have no shortage of male attention, and are not going to give up your freedom in the foreseeable future. In this case, there is nothing to worry about. The style of behavior is not limited by strict boundaries. You can relax and not think about words and gestures. After all, a first date is another adventure. If the meeting does not meet your expectations, do not be discouraged. You have time to try again.
You are ripe for family life and are actively searching for your other half. Then approach the matter with full responsibility. It is this situation that needs to be discussed in more detail.

First, try to calm down and not think that the date will end in failure. Our mental ideas can become reality. Treat the upcoming event lightly, but responsibly. If you want to find a friend or dream of a long-term relationship, pay attention to the following points:

The first minutes of the meeting

The first glance, the first phrases, the first touches can become decisive in the development of further events. Therefore, every little detail is important. Smiling sincerely, look into your partner's eyes and say something nice. Be surprised at the punctuality, praise the meeting place, thank you for the flowers. A little flattery at the beginning of a date with a guy will make you feel comfortable and create a favorable impression.

Intellectual conversation

Think in advance about questions that can be discussed during the meeting:

show interest in his hobbies;
talk about your profession without touching on the topic of income;
share your plans;
tell us about what you love, what you do, what you dream about.

Don't try to shine with your intelligence or seem naive. Know how to pause, shifting the responsibility for maintaining the conversation to the interlocutor. It is better if the conversation is frank, but not too serious. Do not try to find out the details of your personal life, leave aside questions of religion, and do not focus on your financial situation.

The first date with a man is valuable not for the information collected, but for your feelings from communicating with your partner.

Objective attitude

It is very important to see not only the shortcomings of your partner, but also your own weaknesses. Don't be afraid to admit you're nervous before the meeting. Thus, you show your weakness, vulnerability, and your partner has a desire to show his strength in order to protect him and protect him from unpleasant experiences. A person who does not hide his weaknesses evokes sympathy and respect because he is not afraid to openly admit it.

Demonstrating an ironic attitude is useful not only towards your loved one, but also towards your interlocutor. You shouldn’t prevaricate, admiring every word and gesture of a man. This will cause bewilderment and suspicion of the insincerity of your feelings. After all, a person knows that he is far from ideal. Don't turn a blind eye to your chosen one's mistakes and awkwardnesses. By your behavior, make it clear that you see and forgive his weaknesses and expect a response from him. Remember a similar situation that happened in your life, turn the awkwardness into a joke. In a word, do not strain your new acquaintance, defuse the situation. Let him make sure that such a trifle is not a hindrance to your relationship.

Light irony and an adequate attitude towards oneself and one’s partner attract more than feigned admiration and narcissism.

A little slyness

calm, confident behavior will create the impression of a familiar environment. Even if dating is a rare occurrence for you, pretend that you feel comfortable;
be serious and a little thoughtful. Let your partner torment himself with guesses about what thoughts are crowding into your charming head;
express approval, give compliments. Representatives of the stronger sex also love to be praised;
if you want to like him on the first date, talk to the guy about pleasant or neutral things. No negativity or complaints about fate, relatives, friends.

There is no need to lie or hide past relationships. Just cheat: don’t talk about what’s unpleasant to you.

Tactfulness and delicacy

It is quite understandable that you want to know more about your chosen one. However, too intrusive questions can cause a negative reaction. If a man wants to share something intimate, listen, expressing sincere sympathy and interest. Avoids direct questions - don’t be offended, tactfully shift the conversation to another topic. At this stage of the relationship, your task is to listen and not interrupt.

Smile

A smile is the key to a good mood. A smiling person inspires trust. He wants to smile back. Consequently, contact between interlocutors will be established faster. Provided that the smile is sincere and friendly, and not polite, strained or mysterious.

Believe in yourself

Self-confidence is the main component of success. Every morning, looking in the mirror, repeat the phrases: “I am irresistible, attractive and charming! The men around me like me!” If you carry out such training systematically, you will gain confidence and can confidently go on a date. Love yourself, and the man you like will be yours.

goodbye

The date has come to an end, questions remain.

The man is required to pay in the cafe. Your task is to politely thank them for their attention and say that dinner and communication gave you pleasure. Even if in your heart you decide to end the relationship, maintain decency. The person who paid the bill and spent the evening with you does not deserve an insulting, indifferent “Bye.”

In order not to feel obligated (especially if your partner did not live up to expectations), you can offer to divide the amount on the bill in half. However, don't insist. This will put the person in a humiliating position. In any case, it’s more pleasant to part without resenting each other.

Preparatory stage

Before a date, you need to make sure that your appearance will be perfect. The taste and color of a friend, of course, is not, but everyone notices the grooming. The first thing you need to do is take care of your nails. You shouldn’t do an elaborate manicure with a poisonous color—care is enough. Be sure to get a pedicure. We always think that nails under shoes don’t matter, but suddenly the date will be unusual: for example, you will sit on a blanket in the park or go to a home cafe where you need to take off your shoes.

Note! Use the most pleasant scent from your collection. Ask a brother or friend to rate it.

You can't radically change your appearance before a date. This primarily applies to hair. Give the man the opportunity to get to know you. Your hair should look like you just left a beauty salon a minute ago. Don't cleanse your face before a date, because even light exposure leaves marks. Arm yourself with the most beautiful and comfortable shoes so that your feet don’t let you down at an exciting moment.

Boundaries of what is permitted

Is it acceptable to drink alcohol on a first date? Drink to your health, but within reasonable limits. A glass of good wine will relieve tension and make communication natural and relaxed. You can only abuse alcohol if you do not plan to continue the relationship. We relaxed, rested and went in different directions. To start a serious romance, alcoholic drinks are unacceptable.

It is impossible to determine the generally accepted level of intimacy on a first date with a guy. It is necessary to take into account individual character traits, upbringing, and moral values. All women are different. One will limit itself to meaningful glances. The second will stop at hugs and kisses. The third will decide on intimacy.

Time-tested advice from a psychologist will help you avoid making a fatal mistake. Determine which category you belong to and follow the specialist's recommendations.

If this person is the most important thing in your life. You feel that you are in love, dream of a long-term relationship, think about marriage. So, gather all your willpower and restrain your feelings. Close relationships on the first date are contraindicated for you. Follow the popular wisdom: “The slower you go, the further you will go.” This is the only right path for you.
If you are emotional, impulsive and frivolous, and the sight of a man sitting opposite makes your voice tremble and your mouth dry, you will have to reciprocate his frank views. If you are unable to cope with attraction, take risks and enjoy communicating with the person you like. Perhaps this sudden love at first sight is mutual. And such a feeling does not recognize any boundaries.
If you are modest and shy and this meeting is your first experience of communicating with a man, do not rush things. Remember: you don't owe your partner anything. Only a mutual desire to get closer is acceptable. Don't be afraid to seem outdated and shy. If a person does not respect your feelings, end the relationship without regret. This is clearly not your man.

How to behave with a man on a first date, and where to set the boundaries of what is permissible when going on a first date with a man, is up to the woman to decide. Do as your heart tells you, but try not to lose your head.

So what is next…

The first date is over, but questions remain. And the most exciting of them: how a girl should behave after a date if a new meeting has not been scheduled. Think about what is best for you:

take the initiative and offer to continue communication. If you have enough determination, act immediately;
Limit yourself to a regular message, ask about your well-being or how you are doing at work, and don’t insist on another meeting. Write and wait for the next step from your chosen one;
choose a passive position and patiently look at the silent phone.

Any decision will be correct. Not only women, but also men experience fear of new relationships. Perhaps your active position will help your partner to be bolder and more decisive. Don't be afraid to get rejected. After all, a negative result is also a result. He will force you to move on without wasting time.

How to kiss a girl on the first date?

Have you decided to kiss a girl on your first date? Think carefully about this, because it can either please the girl and bring you closer together, or push her away, scaring her with your frivolous intentions.

When meeting, usually a guy and a girl either simply say hello, or hug or kiss on the cheek, like friends. Should we get closer together or leave the date without physical contact and just say goodbye easily? How to avoid mutual awkwardness, you still don’t know how inclined the girl is? Some girls can take the initiative themselves, deciding this issue for the guy, but in most dates the man leads. Guys prefer to find some reason, create an atmosphere to take a woman by the hand or kiss her. And that's true. So, the first contact by hand can be when you offer your hand to a girl when she gets out of a vehicle, or when crossing a busy street. This will be regarded by the girl as good manners, taking care of her will be pleasant and appropriate, and will continue to win her over.

Before going on a date, try to understand what you personally want from the meeting. Just chat or definitely kiss the girl? If a kiss is mandatory for you, then you should think about tactile rapprochement in advance. Often a young lady comes to a meeting in heels, she may get tired, then it would be appropriate for a guy to take a lady’s arm like a gentleman. You can also offer the lady your sweater or give her a little hug if she is cold. And if you come across a large puddle on the street, you can even carry the girl through it.

How to kiss a girl on the first date? For the first kiss, it is better to choose a beautiful, cozy place and a moment when you know for sure that the girl was impressed by the meeting and you liked each other, a romantic moment when you talked about a lot and found something in common. Don’t rush, but you shouldn’t delay it, intensely thinking through the moment of the first kiss. Let yourself go, try to swim with your partner on the same wave, then you will definitely feel the right moment and won’t make a mistake.