Crises in family life by year: causes and ways to overcome

Marriage is a long-term union of two independent individuals, each with their own needs, desires, values ​​and views. For an ideal union, they do not have to coincide - it is enough to be able to negotiate and accept the partner for who he is. However, in the relationships of even the most patient and accommodating spouses, crises occur from time to time.

What is a relationship crisis?

Crises are a normal phenomenon not only in relationships between two people, but also within one person. For example, every person, as he grows up and throughout his life, goes through several age-related crises. This state should be understood as a qualitative change in the psyche, when a person is no longer satisfied with old patterns of behavior and new ones appear, his outlook on life and attitude towards himself change.

For example, the psychology of family relationships considers the period when crises of 40 years between husband and wife to be very acute. This is a time of reassessment of values, a critical look at fading youth, a desire for change and denial of inevitable aging. During this period, the family may fall apart due to a heightened understanding of one of the partners that something in his life is going wrong.

It’s good if the crisis is resolved safely and the person finds a place for his new “I” in his established life. But what if for one of the spouses the crisis was resolved by new conflicts, as a result of which the person began to destroy his established life along with his marriage? This is just one of the reasons for the crisis of marital life.

Another normal situation that all families go through is a qualitative change in relationships within the family. This is mostly related to the birth and upbringing of a child, but not all elements of the crisis are based solely on this aspect. We will talk more about crises typical for family relationships below.

Psychology views crises of family life from the other side, from the negative side. From this point of view, the crisis is seen as a breakdown, as a critical level of negativity accumulated either as a result of a long hidden conflict (mutual or unilateral discontent of spouses), or as a result of a strong negative event that broke the course of familiar family life.

Examples of such “turning point” events could be:

• Loss of a job by one of the spouses. In this case, the problem may not even be related to a change in financial situation, but to a changed way of life.
• Conflict of generations. Often a successful union is ruined by older relatives - most often the parents of one of the spouses. This is due to the unresolved problems of their family, which result in negativity on the newly created unit of society.
• Sudden change in income. We are talking about both the poverty that has fallen and the wealth that has fallen from the sky. “Money changes people” are not empty words.
• Changing of the living place. For some people, quickly resolving financial issues and finding a stable place in a new environment becomes an insurmountable difficulty.
• Serious illness of one of the spouses, a child or a close relative.
• The birth of a child with a congenital disease. Not only does such a situation in itself require a huge amount of effort and resources, but some spouses begin to blame each other for what happened.
• Unequal division of labor in the family.
• Long-term absence of one of the spouses from home (for work issues or other circumstances).
• Lack of emotional contact and support between spouses.
• Early marriage.

These are only some of the likely problems that family psychology considers as crises of family life. Smaller reasons that may seem unimportant to many can also lead to a quarrel between spouses. Unusual situations also happen, some of which are unique to a particular couple, while others are so few in number that they cannot be included in the list. As L.N. Tolstoy wrote, “every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Teen crisis

When the eldest child reaches the teenage crisis, most parents begin to have a midlife crisis. The stage of family life with older teenage children is a crisis stage due to the children reaching puberty and the challenges associated with this process. And also with the ongoing physiological and psychological changes of the married couple themselves. Re-evaluating life experiences opens your eyes to missed opportunities. You take your own failures out on your partner. Men can look elsewhere for confirmation of their masculinity and wealth.

Maintaining hierarchy in the family is possible if a flexible system of rules is built and intra-family communication is established.

Crisis of family relations by year

The psychology of family crises identifies 6 critical periods that all families go through. This is a normal, natural phenomenon, and many couples go through these periods without any difficulties. However, if spouses are not ready to solve joint problems, this makes critical periods dangerous and even threatening to the integrity of the marriage. Psychology names the following family crises by year:

• Year 1 crisis. This is the beginning of life together, and during this period the spouses get used to the peculiarities of each other’s everyday life. This crisis will be discussed in more detail later in the article.
• Crisis 3-5 years. This crisis may be protracted, or it may come within a specified period of time and pass quickly enough. The main problem situation is the birth of a child. By this time, the couple had already learned to live together and turn a blind eye to each other’s problems, but the appearance of a new family member turns the entire orderly way of life upside down. Young parents have to give up their habits (and mothers have to give up work), spend all their time at home with the baby, and learn to take care of the little creature. Women may experience postpartum depression. The solution to the problem is mutual agreement. You need to stay with the child alternately, giving each other a rest and finding time for joint leisure.
• Crisis 7 years. The main problem during this period is a routine lifestyle. The child goes to kindergarten or school, the parents go to work. Feelings for each other gradually recede into the background, they are crushed by the merciless life and monotony. The best solution is to find time for yourself in your current schedule, look for new hobbies for each spouse and for both of you together. It's a great time to work on your image and self-development.
• Crisis 13–14 years. The child begins a period of early puberty, he becomes hot-tempered and conflict-ridden, argues with his parents and spends time outside the home. During this painful period, parents need to cooperate to raise a teenager. The main thing that spouses should remember is that they have lived together for more than ten years and can trust each other in controversial issues.
• Crisis 25 years. Children leave home to study or live with their significant other. The house is empty, and the couple are again left alone with each other. There is no longer a clearly defined goal - there is housing, work, and adult children. A woman begins menopause, which further complicates life for both partners. During this period, men most often look at young women, trying to establish their own superiority and relevance. To save the family, it is important for spouses to find common activities: getting in shape together, choosing clothes together, traveling, building a new house, looking for unusual hobbies. This is the “golden age” of family life - there are funds, time and the need to develop in a new direction, and most importantly, to do it together.

Family psychology views crises in family life over the years as a natural course of events, as the normal development of things and the formation of a social unit.

Main signs of a family crisis, recommended solutions to the problem

There are many signs indicating a family crisis. It is easy for spouses to recognize the symptoms even on their own, with some observation. Among the main signs of relationship dysfunction, psychologists identify:

• intimate life becomes more complicated, neither spouse tries to take the initiative or introduce something new into sexual intercourse, intimacy does not bring pleasure and satisfaction, it is more like an obligation;
• spouses stop taking care of their appearance, do not experiment with clothes or hairstyles in order to please each other;
• problems arise in raising children - each spouse tries to make their own adjustments without listening to the opinion of the other half;
• controversial issues are not resolved peacefully, spouses prefer to quarrel, conflict, believing that this is enough to insist on their opinion;
• interest in the feelings of the other half disappears, there is no desire to get closer;
• spouses do not even try to share pleasant or sad events with each other, and the reason is lack of attention and understanding, support or empathy;
• any action or deed of one of the spouses is accepted with hostility by the second partner;
• the husband or wife tries to infringe on the partner’s rights, does not allow him to express his opinion and believes that only his position is important.

To the question of how to overcome crises in family life over the years, psychology gives a specific answer - following simple measures will prevent serious conflicts and smooth out rough edges in relationships. There are several recommendations that can be easily applied to any difficulties in family life.

The first thing you need to understand is that you shouldn’t hold a grudge or try to “ignore” the difficulties in a relationship. The accumulation of negativity will occur constantly and threaten with explosion and aggression, and the release can be directed both at a partner and at a child, parents, and work colleagues. Aggression can also take on other forms - one of the spouses will try to get rid of unpleasant discomfort with the help of drugs or alcohol. There are frequent cases of betrayal - the partner tries to assert himself and find understanding in the arms of another person.

In a quarrel, regardless of the basis for which it arose, psychologists do not recommend getting personal. Insults never lead to a solution to the conflict, but will become a spark from which a serious scandal can flare up. In a quarrel, it is better to focus on the actions and wrongdoings of a person than to point out the shortcomings of the spouse.

Psychologists do not recommend holding onto the negative; it is better to recharge only with the positive, which strengthens family relationships. Often a crisis arises against the backdrop of monotony, so you should reconsider your lifestyle - celebrate any family dates and holidays on a grand scale, attend various events together, go on visits and travel.

A great way to get rid of misunderstandings in your family is to regularly arrange romantic dates or candlelit dinners. Playing sports together is another option for resolving conflicts. At the same time, training will have a positive effect on your health, improve your mood and well-being.

Psychologists recommend that spouses keep personal diaries, in which they record not just life events, but also share their feelings and feelings for their other half. It is also better to leave negativity on the pages of the diary - this will allow you to get rid of anger and resentment.

Relationship crisis in the first year of family life

Among the crises of marriage over the years, psychology especially highlights the crisis of the first year of marriage. This is the most shaky period for a newly established couple. According to statistics, up to 80% of Russian families break up in the first year after marriage. Moreover, the reasons for the conflict may seem completely insignificant and even petty to an outsider. That is why special attention should be paid to the development and causes of the crisis in the first year of family life.

The risk group for the unfavorable course of this crisis are young people who quickly got married, who did not properly stretch out the “candy-bouquet” period, young couples under 22 years old, as well as couples who married out of necessity (at the insistence of relatives or to obtain material benefits).

A young couple is faced with the fact that a relationship in the format of meetings, joint walks, entertainment, etc. is absolutely not the same as a full-fledged life together. Many people go through a kind of “test of feelings” when they realize that they do not want and cannot see their partner 24 hours a day in close proximity.

The newlyweds come face to face with each other's "cockroaches" for the first time. The couple has just left their parents’ wing, many have not yet lived an independent life, and here they are faced with the need to put up with each other’s characteristics and habits, serve themselves and their partner in everyday life, and earn money for living together. For many, this fact is already a big stress.

Young people who start living together inevitably begin to compare their current cohabitation with the pattern of behavior that developed in their own family between their parents. Not everyone had a positive experience. Many grew up in single-parent families, in dysfunctional families, and simply in unhealthy, toxic parental unions. Therefore, at this stage of life together, you should firmly decide for yourself whether to repeat the fate of your older relatives or choose a new path for yourself, taking into account the mistakes of others.

Everyday habits are a separate sadness that becomes the cause of conflicts and irritation. It often turns out that the ideal partner leaves dirty socks around the house or does not clear the dishes from the table after dinner. Or that the wife, who seemed ideal, is not able to cook anything other than scrambled eggs and dumplings.

The mentioned shortcomings are not “sins”, and are not a sign of a “defective” partner. This is just a sign that the newlyweds have a lot to learn together, change together, adapt and get used to each other, showing the love and patience for which they got married.

First crisis - young family

The first crisis awaits the young family. It is not for nothing that the year from the date of marriage is popularly called the “Cintz wedding”, which implies the fragility and vivid diversity of the relationship between the spouses. The dissimilarity of characters, habits, and principles create a kaleidoscope of happy moments and “grinding” quarrels. The same phenomena occur in civilian families. Sometimes this cycle stretches to five years. What happens more will determine what the exit from the first crisis period will be. Negotiations and agreements are the main weapon at the stage of a developing family in order to achieve harmony. If you manage to find compromises, learn to smooth out contradictions, stop in time when anger begins to speak, not reason, help each other, and not infantilely shift responsibilities, then family life will transform into a new quality.

How to overcome the first crisis in family relationships?

Books on family psychology advise overcoming the first of the crises of family life by becoming as open as possible to your partner and to joint discussions. First of all, you should establish your own rules by which the young family will live. You should immediately discuss the responsibilities of the spouses and their distribution. For example, you should immediately discuss (at least in general terms) how to distribute the budget, who will cook and keep the apartment clean, how often you need to spend time with friends.

These conversations often seem routine to young people, devoid of romance, and newlyweds do not want to waste time on their honeymoon, inspired by love, on such trifles. However, these points need to be discussed either before starting life together or as soon as possible after it begins. In the future, this will allow you to avoid quarrels and conflicts - you can always point out to your partner the agreement, and new demands will not come as a surprise to both.

You should definitely discuss with your significant other what kind of model of future family life both partners imagine. It is necessary to discuss controversial issues and develop a compromise solution. We need to think together about whether the spouses will turn on their parents’ families, behave in the same way as them, or develop a completely different strategy.

Another important point is that conflicts that arise cannot be hushed up. If one of the spouses has dissatisfaction or questions related to living together, it is necessary to discuss them in a calm, restrained manner with your husband or wife. The interlocutor, in turn, should be as open as possible to listening to complaints and correcting his behavior. This is not called “nagging” - this is an important stage in establishing a life together, during which the nuances of each other’s behavior should not be hidden.

Banking Panic of 1907

At the beginning of 1907, the so-called banking panic occurred in the United States, which became one of the most severe shocks in the history of the country. Nine countries were affected by the ricochet. As a result, the decision was made to create the Federal Reserve System.

At this time, the whole world realized who was considered the main “manager” of the American dollar. He became J.P. Morgan, the eldest, whose money and capabilities helped save the US economic sphere from collapse.

Results:

• increasing the level of interest rates on loans to 4% per day;
• closing of deposits of many banks across the country.

1992 price liberalization

The first crisis that Russia faced occurred almost immediately after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Price liberalization was discussed back in the late USSR (the idea of ​​a transition to free prices was voiced by Nikolai Ryzhkov, a member of the Politburo of the CPSU Central Committee).

Against the backdrop of a growing deficit, in 1991, at the Congress of People's Deputies, a decision was made to release prices (aka price liberalization). At that time, only 16 delegates voted against liberalization.

In December 1991, the corresponding decree of Russian President Boris Yeltsin and a government decree headed by Yegor Gaidar were issued, which exempted 90% of retail prices and 80% of wholesale prices from state regulation. The state retained control only over some socially significant consumer goods (bread, milk, etc.) and services (public transport).

How did price liberalization turn out for the country?

Pros:

• transition of the country's economy to market principles;
• overcoming the commodity shortage (some experts are sure that the country was then facing famine);
• ensuring internal convertibility of the ruble.

Minuses:

• hyperinflation (at the end of 1992 it amounted to 2600%) due to an increase in government spending by almost 14% of GDP per year and the refusal of monetary reform;
• depreciation of wages, income and savings of the population (many Russians simply lost money kept in banks);
• rising unemployment;
• constant delays in salary payments (strikes of miners and other workers);
• the rapid decline in real wages and the impoverishment of Russians;
• a sharp drop in consumer demand.

Famine of 1932–1933

With the complete abandonment of the market model and the transition to an administrative-command system, the economy in the USSR began to be regulated by laws that were significantly different from the rules in force in most other countries of the world.

Characteristic in this regard is the period 1932–1933, when, against the backdrop of rapidly developing industrialization and GDP growth, large areas of the country experienced an unprecedented famine in rural areas. First of all, it affected the Volga region, Ukraine, Belarus, the North Caucasus, Kazakhstan, Western Siberia and the Urals.

Asian crisis 1997 - 1998

After World War II, another factor in the weakening of Asia’s role in financial matters was the Asian crisis of 1997-1998. The source is the departure of foreign investors as a result of the devaluation of Asian currencies, as well as an increased indicator of the deficit balance of payments.

Results:

• reduction in global GDP by 2 trillion. US dollars.

Great Patriotic War (1941–1945)

The Great Patriotic War, in addition to millions of lives lost, cost the Soviet Union many destroyed cities and factories. Also, significant costs were associated with the evacuation of the population and enterprises. Well, it’s not worth talking about the fact that almost all of the country’s economic power was aimed at providing for the army.

Thanks to the administrative-command system of the USSR after the war, it was possible to restore its economic potential in a relatively short time by mobilizing all available resources for this.

Family psychology

Family psychology involves assessing and studying the patterns of family functioning, its stability and the dynamics of interpersonal relationships.

From the perspective of psychology, the family is one of the most difficult subjects to study. After all, it is at the intersection of many sciences and branches of psychology: demography, sociology, political science, medicine, child psychology, psychology of personality and interpersonal relationships, groups, social psychology, developmental psychology, male and female. Family psychology as an independent field has been functioning since the 20th century.

1998 default

Russia had not fully recovered from price liberalization when the default struck in 1998. As economists explain, in the 90s, the country's authorities pursued a tough monetary policy, restraining inflation by refusing emission financing of the state budget and by maintaining an overvalued ruble exchange rate, and a soft budget policy, expressed in unreasonably inflated budgets adopted by the State Duma.

The cause of the crisis was two external factors: a sharp drop in prices for oil and gas products and the crisis in Southeast Asia. Prime Minister Sergei Kiriyenko proposed to the State Duma a program on how to stabilize the economy and finances by sharply reducing government spending. The State Duma rejected the program, the government and the Central Bank had to declare a technical default on the main types of public debt. At the same time, the Central Bank abandoned interventions to maintain a stable exchange rate of the ruble against the dollar.

In six months, the ruble exchange rate collapsed 3.5 times (from 6 to 21 rubles), many small businesses went bankrupt, some banks declared bankruptcy, Russians’ ruble savings depreciated, and the official number of unemployed doubled. The crisis was accompanied by political problems: Sergei Kiriyenko and the head of the Central Bank, Sergei Dubinin, resigned, the government was headed by Yevgeny Primakov, and the Central Bank was headed by Viktor Gerashchenko.

After the August disaster, the domestic economy began to grow rapidly, despite the almost fivefold depreciation of the ruble and the default. At first, Soviet production capacities were again in demand, but soon people began to invest in the creation of new production facilities. This was also facilitated by rising oil prices in the 2000s.

“We can return to the poverty that was under the Soviet Union”: an analyst on the ruble exchange rate and the price of oil

Forecasters believe that the low ruble exchange rate will remain throughout 2020, which means the domestic economy is likely to go into recession. But it is still too early to talk about a full-scale collapse, since the authorities are making efforts to stabilize the ruble exchange rate by using funds from the National Welfare Fund.

There is no need to have any illusions about oil prices. They will remain low for a long time, experts are sure. In the situation in the Russian Federation, low oil prices = low ruble exchange rates. Such problems will affect not only the Russian Federation; the entire world economy is slowing down due to the pandemic, so developed countries will also suffer serious losses. But for developing countries, which includes Russia, the consequences will be noticeably stronger (even recession), experts conclude.