Midlife crisis in women: causes and ways to overcome it

Middle age crisis. Everyone heard, but no one saw? Or did you see it? Or are you not sure yet? You can learn about what middle age is for women and what kind of midlife crisis this is from this article.

To begin with, it is worth identifying what age stage in women is considered average. According to the age classification of the World Health Organization, the average age for women is considered to be from 30 to 45 years. However, in psychology these boundaries are not so clearly defined.

The average age of crisis for women is 40 years. As a result of a successful outcome of the midlife crisis, women enter the so-called period “Forty-five woman berry again.” However, a successful outcome still needs to be achieved. But first things first.

Symptoms of the crisis

In women, a midlife crisis often manifests itself with the following symptoms:

• anxiety;
• irritation;
• mood swings;
• conflict;
• desire to live (feeling of pressing deadlines);
• feeling of loneliness;
• loss of vitality;
• pessimistic views about the future;
• feeling of hopelessness;
• dissatisfaction with your education;
• feeling of limited choice of place to work;
• decrease in physical strength and attractiveness;
• contradiction between plans, desires and reality.

Thus, 4 groups of signs can be distinguished:

• emotional (from depression to negativism);
• cognitive (thoughts about divorce, search for the meaning of life, reassessment of views);
• behavioral (conflicts, addictions);
• hormonal or physiological (decreased libido, somatic diseases, menopause).

By category, men and women experience the same symptoms, but depending on gender, their manifestations differ slightly.

Change of world view

Every person is characterized by a revaluation of values, which becomes more and more significant with age. Having built a successful career, a woman can understand that she wants to devote herself to her family. Someone will decide that too much time has been spent on an unloved activity and, perhaps, will not be afraid to change everything. Situations can be different, and the most important thing is to understand that all people face a crisis at a certain period in their lives. The correct attitude to what is happening will allow you to cope with the crisis faster and easier.

Models of crisis behavior

In women during the midlife crisis, 4 behavior patterns are observed.

1. Comparison of the effort expended with the result. Typical for those who started building a career early.
2. Regrets about unrealized potential. This is typical for those who have forgotten about their career and devoted themselves to their family.
3. Life restructuring (new profession and hobbies, sometimes new love).
4. Attempts to prolong youth or at least middle age. This is typical for those who got married early or started an independent life early.

Marital relationships as a source of stress for women over forty

Almost all women between the ages of 40 and 50 face a crisis in their family life. People change. We must understand that men also begin to reassess their values ​​during these years. This often plays a fatal role in a particular marriage.

A woman should respect her partner's decisions. The psychologist's advice boils down to one thing: each person has his own personal boundaries, and they must be respected. Merging with a partner is a recipe for loss of self-esteem and marriage breakdown. The more a woman shows “stickiness” to her husband, tries to dictate to him the terms of living together and behavior, the more he will develop dislike and even hatred towards her. But a partner will not be able to respect a woman who is too soft and pliable. Over the years we have lived together, we need to find a middle ground in behavior with a man.

Causes of the crisis

The cause of the crisis is the contradiction between plans and desires in significant categories of life and realities (the inability to satisfy an urgent need). Significant categories in middle age for women are:

• family,
• health,
• self confidence,
• spiritual satisfaction,
• Love,
• Liberty,
• individuality,
• development.

Accordingly, a feeling of discomfort in any of these areas or in several can provoke a crisis. For example, awareness of loneliness, spiritual emptiness, personal stagnation, “confinement” at work or within the walls of the house.

However, most often, as researchers note, contradictions arise in the areas of health, family, self-confidence, love, spiritual satisfaction and material well-being (independence). It is worth noting that each category is closely related to the others. For example, failures in love can cause self-doubt. Financial disadvantage - health problems.

The following factors can aggravate the crisis in women:

• real loneliness;
• unemployment or temporary work;
• real depression;
• anticipation of approaching menopause.

Let's look at some possible causes of the women's crisis in more detail.

Professional stagnation

If a woman goes on or returns from maternity leave, a problem such as loss of professional motivation may arise (especially if the profession was chosen incorrectly). That is, a woman becomes so accustomed to the role of a housewife that she no longer wants or cannot work.

Sometimes the situation is aggravated by the specific nature of the profession or the rhythm of life. By this I mean the need for constant professional development, retraining and self-education. That is, a middle-aged woman, and even on maternity leave, can literally find herself “overboard.” Or she will quickly find a younger and more ambitious replacement, albeit with less experience, but open to new learning.

However, as statisticians note, women cope more easily with a crisis associated with professional activity:

• firstly, they are less likely than men to understand that they have chosen the wrong path;
• secondly, by nature they have a wide profile of inclinations, which allows them to find themselves in an alternative type of activity.

Fear of loneliness

For women, the midlife crisis is more often based on an awareness of loneliness, that is, we are talking about marriage and children. The specificity is that the problem is not in finding your soulmate, but in avoiding loneliness. This includes the thought “I’m 35, and I don’t have a kitten, a child, or a man.” And attempts begin to “jump” into any direction, which often ends in new experiences.

Family

Repeated and late marriage for middle-aged women is dangerous not only because of the crisis of everyday life itself, but also because of identity problems. As psychotherapist Erik Erikson noted, a change of surname can result in an identity crisis, that is, self-determination of belonging.

The birth of a child (first or second and subsequent ones) can also result in disagreements. Between children or child and husband. The basis of every misunderstanding is the “sharing” of a woman’s attention.

Fear of death

For women (as well as men), a crisis based on the fear of old age and death is popular. The realization that a person is no longer growing up, but aging, does not give peace. If at the same time you still don’t like something about yourself, your life, then 2 options for the development of events are possible.

1. Endowing hateful characteristics with an object and then removing it from life (“It’s all my fault...”). Oddly enough, it could be a spouse, a loved one, or work. Then a new object is found, which, according to expectations, should restore its former youth. However, over time it becomes clear that you cannot run away from yourself. This is how casual love affairs often arise.
2. The second option is to preserve the object, despite the obvious deterioration of the relationship. For women, this is also closely related to family life. “We have children, we’ve been through so much.”

It is worth noting that women prefer the second option.

How to overcome the crisis stage

A crisis in women is a condition that rarely goes away without a trace. In order to survive this period with a minimum of negative consequences, a woman needs to:

• Carefully rethink your life after forty years, find new guidelines;
• Accept that youth is passing away, giving way to maturity;
• Find a hobby that will help you cope with stress;
• Pay more attention to your children and husband, communicate more often with relatives and try to avoid loneliness, and, if possible, do good to other people. The number of friends a lady has, the more positive emotions she receives. Also, close people who have already gone through a crisis can give valuable advice.

Experts recommend closely monitoring your health, refraining from drinking strong alcoholic beverages, and spending as little time as possible on the Internet, replacing virtual communication with live communication.

The support of family and friends will help you cope with a serious challenge.

Interesting facts about midlife crisis in women

I would like to introduce you, dear readers, to some interesting facts that were revealed during a number of psychological experiments and studies.

1. Women who grew up with one parent are more susceptible to midlife crises. However, girls from foster families do not have high rates.
2. Women with family problems (addictions, loneliness, conflicts, financial problems) have a more difficult time experiencing a midlife crisis.
3. The midlife crisis is more pronounced among female team members than among social workers, bosses or organizers.
4. Women in crisis are always dissatisfied with their profession.
5. For married and unmarried women, the family has the same value, but the importance of education, social life and hobbies is lower for married women.
6. Married women value self-development, social activity and communication, individuality, and spiritual growth less highly.
7. Married women value material goods more than unmarried women.
8. For divorced women, their own prestige is more important.
9. One of the main differences between middle-aged women and men at the same stage of life is sexual activity. The peak of female sexuality occurs at 26-30 years old, and the decline begins only after 60.

Signs of an attack

Adolescence crisis in psychology - what is it, reasons

The crisis of 40 years in women can be noticed by changes in physical and mental well-being. Psychologists consider the most characteristic signs to be:

• Increased fatigue;
• Irritability;
• Sleep disorders;
• Constant dissatisfaction with oneself and others;
• A state where nothing brings joy;
• Apathy and melancholy, a growing feeling of hopelessness.

However, the main symptom of the crisis after 30-35 years can be considered the desire for change. At this time, a lady may suddenly develop a passion for travel and adventure, think about moving to another apartment or even another city, begin to urgently reconsider her methods of raising children, and want to find a new job. Most often, other family members are not happy with such changes, so it is family and friends who are the first to notice negative changes. On this basis, conflicts begin in the family, and a difficult period begins for everyone.

It is known that during the transition period, many representatives of the fairer sex, who previously did not believe in God, become very religious. Therefore, if family and friends do not support a lady, she risks ending up in a religious sect. Cult leaders capitalize on the feeling of loneliness that constantly haunts women after forty, and drag women into their networks.

Recommendations for overcoming the crisis

First of all, I recommend visiting a specialist. The crisis situation cannot be viewed in general terms. To develop a specific action plan, you need to know all the personality characteristics (for this you need to carry out a series of diagnostics, observation), the causes of the crisis (life history, value orientations) and much more. Man is a unique object of science. There are no uniform instructions for it. This is the beauty (and challenge).

If a visit to a psychologist is not yet possible, then I recommend trying to understand yourself using the following steps.

1. Take your time with active actions, give preference to mental operations and studying the situation. Accept the current situation. Divide the overall task (problem) into subtasks. Select the main and real ones (those that you can complete).
2. Don’t neglect outside support: friends, children, spouse, literature.
3. Be active (education, work, communication with people who are interesting and significant to you).
4. Try to change your attitude towards the current situation, accept yourself and it.
5. Write down the advantages of the new position.

Remember that midlife crisis is a subjective concept. It’s not a fact that every woman will encounter it. But probably everyone has heard about him. That is, there may be a fact of contrition.

Enjoy your new stage of life! You are wise, experienced, beautiful. Your natural inclinations and potential have not gone away; on the contrary, they are supported by a huge knowledge base and practice.

How to help yourself

Exists

many ways to cope with a crisis. First of all, you need to be aware of your right to make mistakes and understand the fact that all people are not ideal. You shouldn’t rely on the opinions of others and try to conform to society’s standard ideas of success.

Setting new goals and achieving them is great, but enjoying the activity is just as important. By the age of 40, you need to learn to accept and love life, no matter what it is. Therefore, it is not at all necessary to exhaust yourself in an effort to catch up. It is much better to do what brings you a feeling of joy.

You can try to change your field of activity, find an exciting hobby, acquire new skills (for example, learn a language, take training courses in an area of ​​interest). The choice is great, because in our world there are a huge number of opportunities not only to overcome the crisis, but also for fundamental life changes and personal growth, regardless of a person’s age and status.

Social factors

In modern society there is an unspoken cult of youth.

Its typical manifestations are:

• It is generally accepted that only young people can be beautiful. Therefore, after 40 years, women begin to feel embarrassed about their age. Considering that hormonal levels change at this time, any hint of age from others is perceived more acutely.
• Stories about successful people often feature young heroes. When choosing who to feature on a TV show or news release, organizers give preference to young movie stars, politicians who are barely over 30, and slender models. It's the same story in show business.
• Employers are more willing to hire those who are 25-35, while forty-year-olds are left to take low-paying and low-prestige jobs.

The attitude towards old people can be different, but basically they are looked at as humiliated, weak and poor. It goes without saying that an elderly person cannot be as active, resilient and full of energy as a 20-year-old. When a woman begins to try on society’s attitude on herself, her mood inevitably deteriorates.

Tips on how to overcome the problem

A midlife crisis doesn't have to be painful. You can help yourself get through this period more smoothly.

Analyze and accept your life as it is

A new page begins when we accept the past. Accepting does not mean being forced to be happy and continue in the same spirit. Accept means to acknowledge. It is as it is. But the way it will be is my choice. Give up self-blame, painful soul-searching, and constant living in the past. Appreciate all the successes and mistakes that you have had, and move on with gratitude.

Define your values

Look at your midlife crisis as an opportunity to reconsider your values. They may change from year to year and that's okay. As we age, our sense of personal growth and sense of purpose diminish. But good relationships with other people, the ability to navigate the environment and demonstrate one’s skills gain strength and value. Think about what is truly important to you personally, and how can this be realized?

Balance your life

Balance in all areas of life helps you feel like you have everything under control. Make time for family, friends, work, and relaxation. Don’t try to squeeze yourself completely, be sensitive to your condition.

Take care of your health

If you have any health problems, do not delay visiting your doctor. Mood swings, depression, or irritability may be associated with decreased testosterone levels. In this case, contact an andrologist.

Try to lead a healthy and active lifestyle, reduce the amount of alcohol and junk food, and add reasonable physical activity.

Strengthen your relationships

It is easier to experience joys and sorrows with those who are dear to us. Contact with other people makes us more resilient to stress. Talk to your loved ones, listen to them, ask for help and help yourself. Really get involved in the lives of the people who matter to you.

Set new goals, create new meanings

Setting new goals will help shift your focus. Instead of thinking about what could have been, focus on what you can do to be happier. Give up illusions, set a real goal and move towards it.

Do what you love

During this period, it is important to feel your mastery and enjoy your work. Paradoxically, the less activity, the less strength we have. Passivity can lead to low mood and even depression. Do what you love to do. Meet friends, find a hobby, light yourself up.

Keep growing

Be curious and open to life. Continue to develop in all important areas. The world does not stand still, and you should not stop. Sign up for courses, attend a seminar. Forget about the prejudices “I’m too old for this”, “being a beginner is for the young”. We are as young as we allow ourselves to be.