Children's egocentrism is part of a child's development. It lies in the fact that the child, seeing constant care and attention from others, begins to take it for granted, and reacts painfully to any changes in relation to his own person.
Egocentrism as a characteristic of an individual is an integral part of a child’s development.
First, most children have egocentric speech because they often talk to themselves. The concept of children's egocentrism occupies a central place in the disclosure of inner speech and the entire inner world of the child. Sometimes children exhibit aggressive behavior.
Behavioral characteristics
Egocentric speech is the preliminary stage that leads to actual socialized speech, such as that used by adults. Children have difficulty managing their own thought processes; they cannot handle symbolic and abstract operations the way adults do. Egocentric speech resembles a monologue addressed to no one. Everyone uses this language as a child to accompany their actions. This makes it an assistive mechanism for the child's daily activities. According to scientific research, the amount of egocentric speech in preschool age is extremely high. Approximately half of the speech patterns of 6-7 year old children ego src=»https://margoritka.ru/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/child-self-regulation.jpg» class=»aligncenter» width=»550″ height=”287″[/img]
Thus, egocentrism and its behavioral characteristics predominate in childhood.
Needless to say, adults can be self-centered too. Egocentrism in adulthood is a personality trait and part of the character structure. The social environment surrounding a self-centered person is not of particular interest to him. The only concerns of these adults are their internal and external feelings, desires and actions. It is clear that people's first priority may be themselves.
Egocentrism is considered normal when it does not border on pathology. Pathological egocentrism contains features of selfishness and can serve as a negative factor in a person’s social interactions. Extreme selfishness may be a symptom of mental illness.
From my own childhood memories:
I remember the line at the store and I was crying and begging my mom to buy me “that delicious pink bubble gum.” I also remember my mother patiently explaining to me that the purpose of our visit was not gum, but other products necessary for our existence. We didn't have enough money for food, which was beyond my childish and selfish understanding. My mom finally gave in and bought me some gum, which I immediately threw back on the customer service desk, screaming, “I want another one!” This one is thin, but I need a thick one! - By saying this, I meant that I need the whole box, and not just one.
I now look back on this incident with a distinct sense of shame. When this situation happened, I didn't feel any stings at all. I consider this childish egocentrism and, perhaps, lack of upbringing.
Scientists have proven that excessive egocentrism is harmful to interpersonal relationships in adulthood. As mentioned above, children's egocentrism is a scientifically based phenomenon that is considered normal and necessary for the development process.
From the point of view of adults, egocentrism is a position in which a person consciously puts himself. It is characterized by a focus on one's feelings, experiences and interests, and an inability to receive and consider information that contradicts these experiences. This is especially important when conflicting information comes from someone else. In psychology, egocentrism is described in terms of various aspects of mental activity. This is cognitive egocentrism, which characterizes primarily the processes of perception and thinking, moral egocentrism, the meaning of which lies in the inability to understand the moral foundations of other people’s behavior, communicative egocentrism, for example. Generally speaking, egocentrism is associated with cognitive processes.
Communicating with an egocentric child is not an easy task, because he is used to having the only correct opinion - his own. And this is largely a consequence of mistakes in education. Remember the well-known Marfushenka-Darling from the fairy tale “Morozko”, the mother constantly spoils the already grown girl, protects her from any household worries, is touched by any trick of her daughter, she is allowed to offend her sister with impunity, the father has no weight in the family, and is not able to eccentric girl. As a result, Marfushenka is “king and god,” and everyone else is directly subordinate to her.
This is the surest way to raise an egocentric child. There is a very memorable phrase in the fairy tale “The Snow Queen” - “Pamper your children, and then they will grow up to be real robbers.”
Now we know how the character of egocentrics is formed. We realized our mistakes, drew conclusions, but now how can we correct the situation so that egocentrism does not enter the “chronic” stage. Restoring the authority of parents is not easy, but you can start by learning to say a firm “no” to the next whim, remembering your own hobbies, so that parental attention and care are not intrusive, do not allow your child to offend other people, instill in him respect for others , the ability to share with peers, do not rush to the child if he has fallen lightly, you also need to feel sorry in moderation. By gradually changing your attitude towards your baby, you will notice more independence and other positive changes in him. Don't rush, you will achieve results over time.
Signs of egocentrism
Let's take a closer look at the signs of egocentrism.
In children
If you notice egocentrism in a child, do not panic - this is a natural phenomenon. Between the ages of two and five, children are particularly active in learning how to interact with the outside world. At the same time, it is egocentrism that prevents the child from coming to an agreement with peers and minimizing manifestations - he focuses on his own desires and needs, without taking into account the needs of others.
Example of egocentrism
: the baby does not want to share toys with peers, and happily takes their things. Egocentrism also manifests itself in moments when a child is reprimanded - often he considers them unfair. Many people believe that this is manipulation, but no - this is a child’s natural perception of the world. It is difficult for him to explain the difference between his subjective feeling and reality, but over time the child comes to the realization that people’s views may not coincide.
Egocentrism is formed under the influence of certain factors - social norms, upbringing, environment. In adolescence it is especially pronounced. A boy or girl is completely focused on himself, but as hormonal levels return to normal, this goes away for most teenagers.
In adults
If in adolescence and childhood egocentrism is natural, then in adults these manifestations significantly complicate the lives of others.
To determine if you have it, think about whether you have the following traits:
- You do not understand many of the motives of others
. Many of the actions of others often come as a surprise to you—usually an unpleasant one. A friend invited many people to her birthday, but not you - you are shocked by this behavior, completely not remembering that some time ago you had a misunderstanding, you casually expressed unflattering words about her figure or her husband. For egocentrics, all these moments are insignificant; they quickly forget them, then they are amazed at the “unfair” attitude towards themselves. Without taking into account the feelings of other people, such a person does not grasp the connection between his behavior and the reciprocal actions of others. - You often prove that you are right when you encounter an incomprehensible reaction.
Nobody likes to argue with a self-centered person, especially knowing about this feature. Firstly, in a dispute with them, the truth is not “born” - the egocentric is only trying to prove his own rightness. There is no talk of exchange of opinions. Secondly, he is capable of a long discussion without noticing that his opponent is tired of the argument. He can also touch on topics that are unpleasant to the interlocutor without noticing it. Over time, acquaintances begin to avoid not only arguments, but also unnecessary conversations. - You think that you are being prejudiced
. Egocentrism is also characterized by excessive suspiciousness. Once out of adolescence, most people realize that those around them are often thinking about their own affairs, and are not focused on thoughts about them, as they previously believed. An egocentric person continues to think that those around him analyze his every move - it is difficult for him to imagine that in the lives of others there are often matters more important than his person. Suspiciousness with egocentrism leads to tension - imagining that others are constantly mentally evaluating you, it is difficult to maintain equanimity. -
. ” When a situation affects a self-centered person, he becomes toxic, cynical and unkind, saying a lot of unpleasant words. It can also “get” to the interlocutor, who is not to blame for his irritation, but who came to hand. When experiencing a strong shock or indignation, a person prone to egocentrism does not distinguish between the boundaries of what is permissible, often touching upon offensive “forbidden” topics, wanting to prick the interlocutor more painfully. Next comes the stage of repentance. An egocentric person quickly forgets what was said, not taking into account that the opponent’s feelings are hurt. The other extreme of egocentrism is that he withdraws into himself, mentally saying goodbye to the offender, forgetting that his behavior can lead to a real break in the relationship. - You are an experienced advisor
. With egocentrism, a person clearly knows how others should live. He perceives dissatisfaction with his attempts to interfere in other people's private affairs with resentment and irritation. In response, they may even insult their interlocutor, declaring his stupidity, laziness, or unwillingness to make life better. A person with egocentrism does not care that there were no requests for help and participation, and she cannot be convinced that her picture of the world is not ideal and does not suit everyone. - You are trying to achieve a more “fair treatment”
. When faced with someone else's hostility or neglect, you try to correct it by any means and prove the injustice of such an attitude. Egocentrism implies a tendency to manipulate: the bad attitude of others is corrected with due effort. The idea is tempting and dangerous. A person enters into an uncomfortable and destructive relationship, hoping to change the situation. Result: frayed nerves on both sides. The egocentric is fueled by the illusion that with a certain level of effort, the right arguments and the right tactics of behavior, the opponent’s personality will change. Complete exhaustion sets in, but it does not teach a person with egocentrism - he will use manipulation skills in another story.
Children's egoism and egocentrism
Children's egoism should not be confused with egocentrism. Egocentrics consider themselves the center of the universe, and egoists put their interests above others.
What to do with children's egoism? Sometimes it is enough to let the child go among his peers, to a kindergarten or on the street, and there you need to be able to make friends, share and give in, but if the child stubbornly shows selfish qualities, it is better to consult with a child psychologist, he will outline gradual steps to get rid of this “illness.”
An egocentric child is not always a death sentence, but more often the next stage of development. The main thing for parents is that their child overcomes it safely.
But sometimes children’s egocentrism goes beyond the proper boundaries and becomes a character trait that will be smoothed out only by the time the baby grows up and begins to look at the state of things reasonably. As children age, their ability to take a social perspective increases, and their assumptions about similarities with others (egocentric projection) and their intergroup bias should decrease. This is the hypothesis of children's egocentrism, unless mental development is delayed. Some people carry this trait throughout their entire lives. People around him, as a rule, begin to accept such a person with all his shortcomings, getting used to it or ignoring him.
How to get rid of egocentrism
The first step towards positive change is for a person to admit that he or she has a negative character trait. Next, you need to seek help from a psychologist in order to develop communication skills, empathy, and tolerance. Creating a new behavior pattern will take several weeks or even months, but the end result will be worth it.
If you want to defeat the self-centered spirit, this means that you need to:
- Choose from your environment a person who is the soul of the company. An egocentric person needs to observe his behavior, gestures, facial expressions, postures, and statements. Templates of phrases for expressing dissatisfaction or criticism can be written down and tried to be used in your own speech. You need to try to copy the behavior and manner of communication of those people who inspire sympathy.
- Learn to shut up to prevent a brewing conflict. You also need to learn to silently listen to your interlocutor without commenting on his statements. Instead of verbal reactions, you need to practice nonverbal signals of interest in the conversation: nodding, tilting your head to the side, encouraging smiles.
- Choose the time and place for jokes and sarcasm carefully. Humor helps to relax, but not all people are able to interpret it correctly. The touchiness of your interlocutor will not help you win his favor through sarcasm.
- Engage in self-development. It is useful to read articles about communication, characteristics of temperament types, personal growth. Classic fiction contains enormous potential for self-development.
- Help strangers and turn to them for simple help.
- Learn to thank and give compliments. Saying “thank you” to a salesperson in a store or a conductor on a bus is a matter of a second, a trifle, but it makes a person sympathize with the speaker. Pleasant words spoken to a colleague will help change his opinion about egocentricity.
Sincere gratitude
How to become less self-centered
Being self-focused is helpful in situations where we are trying to stick to our values or when we feel disrespected. However, when egocentric thinking begins to negatively influence our daily behavior, it causes problems. There are some helpful tips for becoming less self-centered.
- Pause . Sometimes we make decisions based on fear. Fear puts pressure on us and forces us to think in terms of accepting a challenge or avoiding it. Even when nothing threatens us and there is no danger. Pausing can help us catch our breath and clarify what exactly needs to be decided, given how our choices will affect the people around us.
- Look around . We like to think that life is all about us. But look around - there are people around who care about us and want to be a part of our lives and decision-making process.
- Take a risk . Sometimes people become more self-centered because they have learned from personal experience that they should not trust others. And they transfer this experience to all further social interaction. Do not do that. This way, you will not only practice overcoming your own fears, but also allow someone to express their care and attention to you.
- Live in the present . Just as some self-centered individuals have learned to distrust others, some have learned to never show vulnerability. Even if you make a mistake while making a decision and someone notices it, keep moving forward. A state of being in the present will allow you to practice personal navigation when uncomfortable situations arise. It will give you an understanding of how to overcome them, how to move through them, while maintaining a balanced emotional state.
We are all self-centered to some extent. But a true egocentric does not pay attention to others and is focused exclusively on personal needs and desires to such an extent that he cannot recognize the opinions of the people around him and is not inclined to empathy. It may seem that such a person is someone who is fixated on such things as success, beauty or status. However, this is not true, he simply does not allow anyone into his decision-making process.
We should not forget about emotional calm when being in close proximity to an egocentric person. Remember that their inability to consider your point of view is their cognitive distortion and not a result of your actions. Maintaining a reasonable distance from the behavior of a self-centered person will help you maintain emotional balance and comfort.
Author: Denis Varyanitsa
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Key words: 1Self-knowledge, 3Self-regulation
