Psychology of family relationships: the relationship between husband and wife in marriage, what books are best to read about family life in marriage

Every couple wants their marital relationship to maintain harmony and prosperity for as long as possible. It is important to understand that building a happy and strong family is the daily work of both partners. A harmonious union between a man and a woman is built on mutual respect, understanding, and the ability to find a compromise in difficult situations.

The psychology of family relationships deals with the study of pressing issues, misunderstandings and disagreements between spouses. And also by finding ways to resolve conflicts and build mutual understanding in a married couple. Knowledge and understanding of situations in which conflict may arise will help to avoid sharp edges, annoying mistakes and maintain peace in the family. Therefore, family psychology must be taken seriously. It is useful for every couple to know and put into practice the rules for building a strong marriage.

Functions and tasks of the family

Before creating a social unit, each person thinks about whether he needs a family, the main function of which is to accelerate the development of spouses in the spiritual plane. If a husband and wife are at approximately the same level of development and also have certain knowledge, then during their intimacy an exchange of vital energy occurs. In this way they enrich each other. This exchange is love, which allows a person to develop. If such a movement does not occur, then the essence of both men and women develops much more slowly.

However, this does not at all mean that you need to have sex all day long; this will result in no further development. In addition, too frequent intimacy can even be harmful, including for health, since each of the partners loses a lot of vital energy at this time.

It must be remembered that a person, unlike animals who are not able to control their instincts, must adhere to certain frameworks that allow them to be happy and healthy. To fully develop in terms of evolution and maintain creative potential at a high level, it is enough to exchange energy several times a month.

The first person to touch upon the topic of the psychology of family relationships in his books was Nikolai Levashov.

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An equally important function of the family is the birth and upbringing of intelligent and harmonious children, which will be discussed below.

The family is a form of life created by the human mind for more effective and rapid development of both society as a whole and individuals. Here it becomes possible to raise children in such a way that they grow up to be developed, more advanced individuals than their parents.

In addition, it should be noted that a person’s behavior in and without a family is significantly different. In the first case, new life experience and knowledge are acquired. In addition, responsibilities and worries appear. All this has a beneficial effect on the mind, brain and intelligence in terms of their development.

Psychology of relations between husband and wife: levels

Family psychologists call three psychological levels of the relationship between husband and wife:

social level. Implies mandatory official registration of marriage. Both spouses understand that they have certain obligations to each other. Such couples have an unspoken agreement in their relationship: partnership or leadership of one of the spouses. There are usually no confrontations for dominance in a couple;
sexual level. Harmony in intimate relationships between a man and a woman is the key to well-being in the family. However, the cause of the conflict may be the infidelity of one of the spouses, more often it is a man;
emotional level. The psychology of relationships between a man and his wife highlights this level as the most important. It happens that the emotional and sensual intensity subsides over time, and satiety sets in. The couple quietly and peacefully separate. To restore emotional connection, psychologists advise partners to live apart for some time.

Factors influencing the psychology of family life

According to researchers in the psychology of family life, the causes of conflicts affecting relationships in marriage are:

Psychological characteristics of partners, which often becomes the cause of a breakup.
Poor relationships between parents that husband and wife observed in childhood.
Everyday problems, for example, living with parents who interfere in the lives of young people or constantly wandering around rented apartments.
Abuse of bad habits by one of the partners, for example, alcohol.
The appearance of a child in the family, which leads to a number of difficulties, or, conversely, the absence of children, which does not suit the spouses or one of them.
Life situations that caused the marriage, for example, an unplanned pregnancy.
There are too many household or work responsibilities that lead to overwork and no energy left for family life.
Circumstances that do not suit one of the partners (permanent business trips for a long time).
Unfulfilled high expectations.

Based on this, the following types of marriage can be distinguished:

Type of marriage	Characteristic
Symmetric	This type of marriage can be considered ideal, since here the spouses make all decisions taking into account the needs and interests of the partner without domination. In addition, if necessary, they will always find a compromise
Complimentary	Here one of the spouses is the leader, he makes decisions and tells the other what to do. This model is more reminiscent of the relationship between a subordinate and a boss, but not a family
Metacomplementary	In this case, one of the partners also occupies a dominant position, but here it is the one who knows how to competently use his weaknesses for manipulation. This type of relationship is considered the most problematic, since manipulators, as a rule, are not able to make the right decisions, guided by their selfishness. As a result, crisis situations arise in the family

The occurrence of a crisis is associated with the type of marriage, and the psychology of family life helps spouses cope with this difficult period, minimizing losses.

Family legal relations

Family legal relations are property or non-property relationships stipulated by family law and regulated by family law, and in rare cases, by civil law. In family legal relations, all participants in the process are legally interconnected by the presence of common subjective responsibilities and rights. They arise due to the influence of family law norms on social relations.

Family legal relations of various types can be regulated, in addition to the norms of family law, by other branches of law. Based on the content of family legal relations, they can be divided into personal and property.

Depending on the specifics of the content, they are divided into marital and parental. If we take the subject composition as a basis, then family legal relations are divided into complex and simple. Complex legal relationships, which consist of three participants in the process, in turn, are divided into relationships between parents and their adult children, parents and their minor children. Simple relationships are those that consist of two participants, and are between two spouses and between former spouses.

Based on the division of rights and obligations, family legal relations are differentiated into unilateral and bilateral.

Depending on the extent to which family legal relations are individualized, they can be relative or absolute. Relative is when absolutely all participants in the process are identified by name. Absolute – only one side of the legal relationship is individualized.

Based on the presence of public interest, family law relations are divided into those regulated imperatively and those characterized by public interest and the absence of such interest.

Legal relations regulated imperatively are observed during adoption. Legal relations characterized by public interest are observed in alimony relations. In such relations, the exercise of rights and obligations and the initiative to defend belong to the participants in the process. Relations characterized by a lack of public interest are implemented only on a discretionary basis.

The main thing in family law is personal legal relations between all family members. It is they, for the most part, that determine the content of property family legal relations. Based on this, it should be concluded that the content of family legal relations includes the rights and obligations of absolutely all subjects of such legal relations. The specification of rights and obligations, their scope are contained in the rules of family law that regulate family relationships, such as the conclusion of a marriage and its dissolution, personal and property relationships between partners, alimony relationships between all family members, between parents and children, between adoptive parents and adopted children and so on.

Subjects of family legal relations are their participants who have family rights and bear responsibilities.

In order to differentiate family legal relations from family relations that are not regulated by the law, on the one hand, and on the other, from other legal relations, their following specific features should be highlighted. First, absolutely all family legal relations are of a continuing nature. Secondly, personal non-property family relationships are decisive and express a significant impact on property relations not by number, but by significance. Third, family legal relations stem from family relationships, which are listed in the legislation; this is what the subject composition of the participants in the process intends.

Family legal relations are considered only legal relations between members of the same family. Other legal relations are administrative-legal or procedural. Regarding the relationship between individuals who only intend to get married, but have not yet registered it, it is generally accepted that no legal relationship arises between them at all.

Crises in the psychology of family life

In the psychology of family life, in each period of a relationship there is a peak when most marriages break up:

1 year;
3 years;
7 years;
10 years;
15 years;
20 years;
25 years.

Problems, as well as methods for solving them, are different in each individual case. Thus, what will help cope with a crisis in the first year of marriage will not give any results in a deadlock situation after 10 years of marriage.

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If we talk about how long each period lasts, it is difficult to give exact dates. It all depends on the behavior patterns of the spouses and their character. Some are ready to wait for several months without trying to cope with the current situation, while others, due to their temper, cut the Gordian knot right away. However, most often it takes about 6–12 months for a conflict to mature.

There are only two ways out of a crisis situation:

The marriage survives (constructive).
The union falls apart (destructive).

It is worth noting that now a constructive way out of the crisis cannot always be considered positive, since it happens that spouses decide to maintain the union only for the sake of their common child, so as not to traumatize his psyche. However, as a result, everyone is unhappy, the husband and wife can hardly tolerate each other, and they take their anger out on the child, for whose sake the relationship was maintained. It all ends with psychological trauma occurring for everyone.

As for destructive output, in some cases it can, on the contrary, be beneficial. For example, spouses who were burdened by the relationship gain peace of mind, peace and value awareness only after separation. And all this only contributes to personal growth.

In psychology, crises of family life have characteristic features over the years. You can understand that a conflict period is about to come by certain signs:

The initiative of the partner or both in terms of intimate relationships disappears.
Spouses have no desire to look and behave in such a way as to be attractive and desirable to their other half.
Many disagreements and conflicts arise in the matter of raising a child. In addition, one of the spouses can “entice” the child to their side.
Resolving controversial situations leads to an increase in aggression, anger and irritation.
Interest in each other, understanding of the partner’s feelings, as well as the desire for rapprochement disappear.
Any action or spoken word causes irritation in the other half.
The rights of the husband or wife are infringed, and the opinion is not taken into account. This partner begins to believe that he should always do what the other wants, indulge all his whims.
Spouses do not share anything with each other (neither pleasant things nor negative events), because they know that they will not receive the attention and support they need from the other half.

How to cope with crises in family life? Here are some tips to help spouses overcome any differences:

Don't hold grudges. Hidden guilt can poison the soul of a person who has been offended, as a result of which affect begins to accumulate in him - a very dangerous and explosive state. At one point, there may be a release of accumulated aggression towards the one who offended him, a child, a random person, or his own. However, an offended spouse does not necessarily have to throw his fists at someone; aggression can be expressed in other forms, for example, alcoholism, infidelity, gambling addiction, etc.
You should never insult your partner or get personal in an argument. Although this rule is relevant not only in relation to marriages, but also in any others. Insults are a very unconstructive and low way of conducting a dispute, so it will not only not help resolve the conflict situation, but will also aggravate it. During an argument, it is better to point not at the partner’s personality, but at actions or one’s own feelings.

Charge yourself with positive energy and throw out the negativity. According to psychologists, a crisis in marriage occurs due to the fact that there are not enough vivid impressions in the relationship. If you are planning a holiday, then celebrate it on a grand scale, try to attend various exhibitions and events, go to the movies, and go hiking. More often you should arrange romantic evenings alone with your significant other. It would be nice to go in for sports. And also, keep a diary where you will write down what you feel. This will help you understand your feelings and not take it out on your significant other.
Strive for self-development and find something to do that brings you pleasure. Each person should have personal space; this will help their partner remain interesting for as long as possible. Strive for new knowledge and deepen existing knowledge, share new information with your other half. Remember that a family represents a union of two independent individuals who have consciously decided to live together, but are not dependent on each other.
Avoid painful topics. It happens that the other person has to put up with some of the partner’s characteristics, even though he doesn’t like them. For example, if your spouse is not happy with the fact that her husband is into football, you should not clearly express your dissatisfaction with this game. It would be more constructive to discuss the scope and forms of hobbies that suit both.

We must remember that healthy family relationships are impossible without trust, so you should not forbid your partner to meet with his friends. It is best in this situation to discuss the frequency of these meetings so that they do not harm family matters.

Women

Overall, not much. The main thing is to understand and accept the fact that about eighty percent of the responsibility for whether thunderclouds will appear in your family firmament and how often depends only on you!

As Tariverdiev’s song says: a man is “another tree,” and often, unfortunately, it also comes with foulbrood! Therefore, you will have to comprehend the wisdom of how to live with this “tree”, care for it, treat it from this very foulbrood as much as possible. Correctly hill up, fertilize and water. Learn the intricacies of properly protecting your “tree” from pests, or rather, from pests who strive to snatch someone else’s property. Despite the fact that the “tree” may turn out to be stupid and selfish, if you have the bright feeling described above, it is quite possible to take on the feat and live with it happily ever after. There would be a desire and determination for exploits.

The main thing to understand is that your role here is the most responsible and very difficult. But this is why nature has endowed us girls with such amazing strategic qualities that any commander can envy, such as intelligence, diplomacy, tactics, artistry, and the ability to compromise. Don't forget about affection! Let's remember the heroine of Natalya Fateeva from Three Plus Two, how she trained her tigers and was going to tame three chronic bachelors? Affection and tenderness! And, let us note, she coped with her task brilliantly.

We also remember the ability to use our most important weapon - beauty! Never forget that we are the beautiful, and therefore the better half of humanity on planet Earth. Accordingly, we are simply obliged to bring to life all the talents given to us by nature, to be kind and gentle, caring and understanding, ready to sacrifice our own “I” for the sake of peace and well-being of your loved ones, for the sake of maintaining good relationships in the family.

Just learn to apply them skillfully, and most importantly, with love, sincerity and patience. To have such unique gifts in your arsenal and not use them is a crime against this very nature. For which, if you don’t catch yourself in time, you can pay cruelly, vegetating the rest of your life in bitter loneliness. And then, as the famous Aunt Sonya from Odessa said: “Well, who is to blame now?”

Determining readiness for family life

Before entering into an official marriage, partners should study the ethics and psychology of family life, and for this you can read the relevant literature or consult a specialist. This will allow you to avoid making mistakes that many make in a legal union, and also make sure that you are really ready for this serious step. You need to understand that to create a harmonious and functional union, it is not enough to simply reach puberty.

In the psychology of family life, there are three criteria for the maturity of a couple to enter into a marriage. These include:

maturity mental, physical;
social maturity;
readiness for marriage, ethical and psychological.

A person who is mature at the mental level is able to look at things soberly, can be self-aware, and knows how to build relationships with others. Potential spouses must understand the need to provide mutual assistance, as well as to separate material and everyday problems.

If we talk about social maturity, then it testifies to a person’s education, the ability to provide not only for himself, but also for the family that he created. To do this, he must have a stable job.

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The readiness of the spouses at the psychological level is characterized by awareness of the concept of “we”. It lies in the fact that the husband and wife begin to have common interests, they begin to relate to parenthood in the same way, and their perception of spiritual values also becomes the same for both of them. However, you need to understand that the personal “I” of the partners in this case should not be violated either.

The basics of the psychology of family life help to get rid of the conclusion of ill-considered marriages, as well as those created by partners who are not ready for it.

Crisis is good!

At the very beginning of a relationship, under the influence of love hormones, no one thinks about any future difficulties. Yes, everyone seems to have problems all around, but, people in love think, this is not all about us and this will not affect us. And in vain - the first rule that needs to be laid down in family relationships is that any family goes through crises. And this is not a terrible reality or intimidation at all.

This is a predictable pattern that carries deep meaning and even necessity. Because any crisis is an opportunity for growth and real, global change. Yes, only in times of crisis does a person mobilize, look for new opportunities and ways, and after getting out of a difficult situation, he gains invaluable experience, becomes stronger and stronger.

Misunderstandings between family members, relationships that seemed completely confused - in fact, this is a powerful and programmed stimulus for life transformation. The main thing is to know that such moments are a sign of the normal development of family relationships, and not dead ends from which the only way out is divorce.

Having learned about family crises, the couple will be able to prepare for their occurrence and will gain an understanding that, having overcome a difficult period, they will gain something more: feelings will become deeper and purer, invisible bonds will be strengthened, and a feeling of unity and warmth will appear within the family.

So, let’s recognize the “enemies” by sight. What storms await a family boat?

Signs of a quality family life from a psychological point of view

Finding compromises.

If married partners are happy, then they realize that in any conflict situation it is worth looking for a compromise, because the family is not a battlefield. It is this kind of union, according to psychologists, that is the strongest and happiest.

Interest in each other.

After years of living together, partners may lose interest in each other, because they think that they have studied each other 100%. In this case, in order for the family to become stronger, it is necessary to try to maintain mutual interest, while noticing even the little things, and to share the interests of the other half.

Eliminate competition.

When both in a couple are happy, they will not prove to each other their superiority in this or that matter. In a healthy relationship, everyone has their own roles to perform without trying to look their best. It is precisely such families that are considered the happiest in psychology.

Treat with a sense of humor.

This feeling allows you to experience difficult situations much easier, without focusing on the negative sides of your partner. This is the only way, from a psychological point of view, that healthy families are born.

Maintain balance.

There are no ideal relationships; disagreements and disputes can arise in any family. However, only couples who are truly happy are able to maintain a balance between negativity and positivity, without allowing an advantage in one direction or the other.

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The comparison is not meant to be reproachful.

In building a happy family, comparison is a very powerful tool. However, it should not be used to reproach the merits of another, but to prevent mistakes made by others.

A change of scenery.

When spouses are happily married, they try to prevent the relationship from becoming boring and gray due to family life. Partners periodically change their surroundings, go to the pool, to a cafe, rearrange the apartment, or change their image.

Listen without interrupting.

When spouses care about each other, they never interrupt their other half during an important conversation. This helps to hear your husband/wife and be heard yourself.

Forgiveness.

As you know, no people are perfect, so even in strong marriages, quarrels happen. Happiness in this case lies in the fact that a person must be able to forgive and be confident that one day he will be forgiven too.

Empathy.

In happy families, the question never arises: “So what now?” if something suddenly doesn’t go according to plan. Spouses always try to understand why this happened. You should always put yourself in the shoes of your other half to find out what feelings she experiences and what made her do this or that way.

Gratitude.

Only in a strong marriage are spouses able to thank each other for their actions and appreciate them. According to psychologists, you should never take the efforts of your significant other for granted.

Maintaining passion.

Spouses should always find time for intimate relationships, even if it is on a specific day on the calendar.

Personal space.

When partners are happily married, they do not try to occupy all the space of their other half. They are always ready to give each other the opportunity to be alone, as they treat this with understanding.

Replaying the situation.

This is another sign of a harmonious and happy relationship. When spouses are able to replay a situation that has become problematic, and at the same time avoid making the same mistakes, they thereby get rid of many family problems.

Development.

People who are truly happy in marriage do not settle on one relationship model, because they realize that life does not stand still and needs to be constantly adjusted to it. You should always strive for development and try to find new points of contact.

Simple rules for building good relationships

Psychologists studying the psychology of family relationships between wife and husband have developed simple rules, using which an emerging conflict can be suppressed at an early stage. Five rules to help maintain peace in the family:

respect each other and relatives of the other half;
show attention and gratitude;
be able to make concessions and forgive;
do not focus on your partner’s shortcomings, especially in terms of sex;
listen to the other half and look for a compromise together.

Even following these simple rules does not guarantee the preservation of the relationship. It is important not to lose physical contact, because through touch you can say a lot to your loved one. Common goals, dreams and their joint implementation contribute to the establishment of close relationships.

What is "empty nest" syndrome?

One of the stages of family development is the departure of adult children from home. Parents are left alone and face difficulties caused by the need to adapt to life together.

The unusual environment is oppressive and deprives you of comfort; a feeling of loneliness and emptiness appears. It’s not clear what to do next and how to build your life. The situation is complicated by the need to come to terms with the following factors:

decrease in physical strength, appearance of signs of aging;
retirement, decreased income;
adaptation to new family roles of grandparents;
narrowing the circle of contacts, reducing social significance;
building relationships with new relatives.

The problem of the “empty nest” is relevant for parents who saw the meaning of life in their children. The departure of children into independent life is perceived as the destruction of hopes, the disappearance of the meaning of existence. Parents feel abandoned and betrayed. They try to maintain the same relationship, consciously or unconsciously interfering with the children’s independence. Parents can use psychological violence, manipulate, blackmail, children cannot break the psychological connection and create their own family.

Normally, parents overcome the “empty nest” syndrome and come to terms with the new distribution of roles. If the relationship develops unsuccessfully, children remain dependent on their parents for the rest of their lives, even if they live separately.

Romance in relationships

The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife begins with the stage of romantic love, which is the least expensive in terms of volitional efforts, the disclosure of personality and the possibility of one’s own growth, as well as the need for reflection and awareness.

Here everything happens automatically, hormones turn off the analysis of negative factors so much that the chosen one is practically a demigod, while a huge amount of energy is generated, allowing us ourselves to be superbeings, constantly smiling, helping and not getting sick. After a hormonal surge, you suddenly begin to feel tired, the need to communicate with other people, and irritation at previously touching moments appears more and more often.

A feeling of boredom sets in, it seems that the partner has already been completely studied, and there is nothing new, exciting or interesting in him, attention begins to switch to other areas of life. So, romance gradually leaves the relationship, because internal reserves no longer fuel it. Some people live in a constant cycle of starting a new relationship and quickly ending it, when the most beautiful thing disappears, but if you are already together, then the psychology of the relationship between husband and wife recommends trying to revive the romance in a different way than by simply changing partners.

Our nervous system, together with memory, responds perfectly to triggers, and when we are happy, romantic, or in love, we begin to feel the same emotions again. So it’s quite possible to arrange a romantic evening for your soul mate through force and understanding of the need, guided only by logic, since there is no inspiration. There is a high probability that by nightfall a piece of the old warmth will appear in your soul, and after several such surprises, interest in your partner will be revived again. Couples who have managed not to lose their reverent attitude try to show such little things constantly, they do not perform feats of genius, but can write a nice note, leave it on the morning table or send an encouraging message. On the contrary, those who spend six months in scandals and then try to revive it with expensive gifts and luxury resorts end up losing, both emotionally and financially.

The desire to be constantly together and in touch with your partner around the clock must be let go as irrelevant. You are already a married couple, you can always see each other and understand that a priori you will remain together and will receive support - this is the base and fortress for the further path. Find time to do your own separate things, hobbies, and let the other person breathe. So the personality will develop, but also in the evening new topics for discussion will appear. People who are isolated on each other first get high from it, and then find themselves and their partner in stretched pants, talking only about the order of washing dishes, since the only thing that happens to them is everyday life. Stay interesting, and this interest should be internal, and not try to adapt to the requirements and expectations of your partner.

Love as the main motive for raising a family

Psychologists call love as a special type of interaction between spouses the main criterion necessary for creating a family. Researcher I. Kon offers a classification of love consisting of 6 types:

Hedonistic. It is expressed by light flirting, making advances, and enjoying the interaction. The partner’s personality is neutralized; only the ability to satisfy the need matters. Feelings are superficial, separation occurs quickly and does not cause traumatic experiences.
Erotic. It is typical for this model of love to experience a high intensity of passions, to strive for complete fusion with one’s partner, submission, unity, and sensual physical contact.
Pragmatic. An alliance based on pragmatism and sober calculation. For this type of marriage, feelings fade into the background; the main role is played by obtaining benefits. When spouses get what they need or find an option that helps them get more, the marriage ends.
Selfless. Altruistic love, with unequal division of marital responsibilities. One of the spouses becomes a conditional parent for the other, fulfilling the needs of the “child.” Such relationships lead to complete social unfulfillment of the supervised partner, emotional and physical inequality.
Love-friendship. A strong alliance built on equality, mutual respect and sincerity. Love-friendship is characterized by a high level of spiritual intimacy, communication, and exchange of emotions.
Love-mania. Represents an unhealthy fanatical obsession. The lover depends on the object of worship, deifies him, strives for complete possession. If the object of love commits an act that the lover regards as bad and does not correspond to the image, love disappears.

Women, according to Kohn, tend to choose altruistic relationship options, men prefer erotic love and hedonism.

Adultery (Why do spouses cheat on each other)

Cheating can happen at any stage of a family relationship. Occasionally, the reason for a man’s drinking spree becomes banal physical attraction combined with low moral principles (when the desire to get pleasure “here and now” exceeds the sense of family duty to his wife). However, much more often, factors such as:

sexual dissatisfaction or boredom in bed;
lack of self-confidence, the need to recognize one’s attractiveness in the eyes of the opposite sex;
lack of spiritual intimacy, mental loneliness, when “there is no one to talk to”;
violation of personal space, the need to feel free;
tense family situation, need for psychological release, need to relieve stress;
need for protection: the family is not a support system, one of the partners does not feel stability (in money or feelings) and tries to find it on the side.

If a person receives everything he needs in a family relationship (love, respect, sexual satisfaction, recognition, understanding, care, physical and mental rest, stability), the desire to look for someone on the side does not arise. Not everyone is able to forgive betrayal, but trying to prevent such a turn of events is the task of both spouses.

Mutual grievances and claims

The psychology of relations between husband and wife deals with solving grievances and negative situations. The critical points are feelings of jealousy and sexual dissatisfaction, followed by financial issues and behavior.

Feelings of resentment arise when spouses do not articulate their own boundaries and acceptable options for treating them. Then the other, sooner or later, will upset the fragile balance and will not understand anything, while the other, instead of expressing claims, usually becomes silent and takes offense, since offense is always stopped aggression.

It turns out that men are more likely to express constant complaints as an open form of aggression, where they can let off steam, relieve tension and get what they want. Women more often become offended because they do not want open conflict due to fear of a man or a break in the relationship, and many people value the very presence of a partner so much that it is easier to suppress anger at unworthy behavior than to openly resist.

This is the next stage of negative development of relationships, when the first quarrels are over. The first misunderstandings are easily resolved, because people still feel strongly that they are in love, are attuned to the other as much as possible and are ready to take more care of him. Over time, small painful jabs, understatements and small complaints accumulate, increasingly closing the space for dialogue.

The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife is such that everyone tries to defend their remaining positions, going into the deep defense of grievances or attacking claims. There is practically no room left for a calm and open conversation here, and it is replaced by shouting, remembering past mistakes and escalating the conflict. Only after going through such a storm do people get the opportunity to really meet, not only with sweet manifestations, but also with negative traits, to become vulnerable and imperfect. Some couples can still find the strength to discuss grievances and complaints calmly and with acceptance, others remain in their positions and do not open up to their partner, choosing to separate.