Psychologists say that you should not be afraid of disputes and disagreements. In the process of conflicts that arise, people learn to give in to each other, compromise and be tolerant of the shortcomings of others. However, in some cases, contradictions can lead to dangerous consequences. This happens mainly during quarrels in a work team or a children's educational institution (school, kindergarten). Sometimes disputants need the help of a professional psychologist.
A life without quarrels and arguments is an ideal that cannot be achieved
What is the cause of the conflict
An event that entails discord in a micro- or macro-team is the cause of the conflict. This definition is often used by practicing psychologists. The causes of conflicts vary. Most often, disagreements arise due to:
- Inability to give in to each other;
- Different views on organizational issues at work;
- Poor knowledge of the partner’s personality traits and, as a result, the inability to find a common language with him;
- The desire of one of the participants in the conflict to impose his point of view on the opponent at all costs;
- Increased level of aggressiveness and anxiety.
Also, quarrels in a team often arise due to poor upbringing and limited intelligence of its individual members. The reason for an argument can be a large difference in the ages of the two opponents, since older people perceive many things differently compared to young people.
Contradictions among colleagues and classmates often arise out of nowhere
Conflict is the result of an unmet need
If you understand the mechanism of conflicts, everything will fall into place. And the point is actually simple.
Every person meets many of their needs every day. We are designed in such a way that these needs are inherent, so we consciously (and even more often unconsciously) look for ways to satisfy them. And if we cannot find a way, we feel bad and look for an opportunity to fill the need at the expense of someone or something.
Naturally, the world did not sign up to satisfy all our requests, and solving this problem ourselves is not so easy. This is where conflicts arise.
Moreover, the causes of conflicts can be both healthy and neurotic.
Main reasons
Types of conflicts in psychology and ways to resolve them
Most often, disputes that develop into aggressive confrontation occur due to personal hostility of opponents towards each other. Feelings of rejection by another person can be caused by:
- His difference from others and the desire to stand out, to oppose himself to the team;
- Excessive concentration on one’s own feelings and experiences and reluctance to enter into the position of another person;
- The eternal confrontation between fathers and sons;
- Reluctance to listen to useful advice and recommendations from others;
- Distrustful and suspicious attitude towards other people.
There is also a special type of easily excitable subjects with an unstable psyche; any little thing can provoke a quarrel among them.
Psychological incompatibility of characters often leads to disagreements
Interpersonal conflicts
The causes of interpersonal conflicts are different points of view of two or more participants in the conflict on the same phenomenon (politics, raising children, everyday problems). Also, disagreements in the family can be caused by the inability to listen and hear another person, lack of empathy (the ability to sympathize and empathize with another person in a difficult situation).
Professional
The causes of conflicts at work often lie in constant stress or in the psychological incompatibility of the temperaments of the boss and subordinate. Quite often, quarrels arise due to different views on work issues and labor organization. A special case is a discrepancy between the biological rhythms of a boss and a subordinate (for example, a “night owl” secretary and a “lark” boss); in this case, it is very difficult to avoid contradictions.
Between children at school
Much literature has been written about what reasons can lead to conflict between children in primary or secondary school. Most often, unpleasant situations in a children's group arise when one of the students opposes himself to the group. In this case, other children subconsciously perceive him as an “outsider” who poses a threat to the close-knit group. Sometimes the prerequisites for quarrels arise between micro-teams: students in the class are divided into several groups and are at enmity with each other. In this case, mutual hatred may be caused by such a factor as a difference in interests (for example, musical tastes or preferences in sports).
Attention! The most dangerous situation in a school or kindergarten is the so-called “bullying,” or bullying of one child in a group. The younger generation is particularly cruel and resourceful in this regard. In this case, all classmates can take up arms against a single student. There are different reasons for bullying: envy of excellent studies, the external dissimilarity of one of the students from the rest, or some kind of teenage physical defect (for example, being overweight). In this case, parents and members of the teaching community must intervene in the situation to resolve the conflict.
Social confrontations
A necessary condition for social development is social confrontation, which acts as a result of the incompatibility of the beliefs of individual individuals. Confrontation makes it possible to expose problems in society, which in turn contributes to their resolution or leads to anarchy.
The heterogeneity of society, differences in status, differences in wealth - all this inevitably leads to the emergence of confrontations and, consequently, to the escalation of social confrontation.
The foundation of each individual clash is always various obvious and hidden psychological causes of the conflict. The main social prerequisites for the emergence of contradictions include, first of all, social inequality, since every society is rich in poor people and oligarchs, and cultural heterogeneity, which consists in the existence of different value interests and behavioral systems in society.
There are many factors provoking social confrontations. The social causes of conflicts are summarized below.
The ideological reasons for confrontation lie in the existence of a certain value-ideological system that determines the prevalence and subordination in any society. Participants' views on such a system may vary significantly.
Different values are also considered a fairly common cause of social confrontation. Each participant in the confrontation, be it a social group or an individual, has an individual set of value benefits. Each such set is strictly subjective, and is often opposed to the set of the other party involved. The ultimate goal of the described type of conflict is to satisfy exclusively one’s own needs. This is what causes the interaction of oppositely directed interests, giving rise to confrontation.
Economic and social factors are associated with the division of power and wealth. Conflicts of this type appear when one of the parties involved feels that they have been left out. This type of causes of social contradictions is considered the most common.
Social confrontations can be classified by the number of warring parties (internal and interpersonal, intergroup), by the source of occurrence (subjectively and objectively determined), by functions (integrative and disintegrative), by form (externally directed and internal), by spheres of social life (political, ethnic, economic, family and household).
In turn, each of the listed types of confrontations is characterized by individual reasons that provoke their occurrence. For example, the main causes of family conflicts are jealousy, established stereotypes in intimate life, the commitment of one of the partners to the abuse of satisfying their own needs (alcohol, financial spending exclusively on themselves), differences in opinions and, consequently, needs for spending joint leisure time, selfishness, everyday problems. Not all causes of family conflicts are listed, since in each individual unit of society there are specific problems and individual causes.
Is it possible to prevent conflict based on the premises?
Sometimes, to prevent an unpleasant situation, it’s enough just to joke and the conflict will be resolved
Methods for resolving conflicts - what options exist, ways to prevent them
In short, the causes of conflicts depend on the psychological microclimate in the team. For example, if friendly, calm relationships prevail in a group, the appearance of a new person can cause discord. In order to prevent an ordinary quarrel from escalating into a serious hostility, experts in the field of conflict management recommend:
- Never stoop to mutual personal insults that are not related to the topic of the quarrel;
- Respect the opposing point of view, even if it is impossible to accept it;
- Carefully consider every word spoken during a quarrel;
- Never raise your voice during a conversation.
These simple, proven management methods will help mobilize emotional resources and safely resolve a conflict situation without aggression and mutual accusations.
Attention! Sometimes, to prevent a conflict situation, it is enough just to turn everything into a joke, showing a sense of humor. For example, this method works well provided there is a trusting relationship with superiors or work colleagues. A well-timed joke will help defuse the situation and calm furious debaters.
Internal and external conflicts
Often our internal conflicts, i.e. Conflicts with ourselves lead us to external conflicts with other people. When we seem to play the role of one “part” of us, which pulls us in one direction. And the other person with whom we are in conflict seems to play the role of another “part” of us.
Frequent causes of conflicts in relationships are similar internal conflicts between partners. And such conflicts are usually difficult to resolve until we resolve our own internal conflict.
When we have made an exact decision within ourselves, we will no longer be forced to doubt by someone else’s opinion that is different from ours. And therefore this conflict will not interest us enough to make us want to take part in it.
And this often happens in a loving couple. When similar internal conflicts between a man and a woman create a certain scenario in their relationship.
For example, a scenario where one strives for greater intimacy, and the other runs away from it. In such relationships, the conflict is reproduced again and again - that one of the couple is trying to bring them closer to each other, and the other is constantly trying to increase the distance.
Such a couple may outwardly look like a pair of opposites. But inside they are both very similar. They both have a "part" of their personality that is very afraid of being alone. And at the same time, both have a “part” that is afraid of intimacy with another person. And therefore they act out in their relationships the conflict that is not resolved within them.
Reasons from a psychological point of view
What is the friend zone in girls and men - the main signs
Not everyone knows why people quarrel and what the psychological prerequisites for disputes are. From a psychological point of view, disagreements and disputes are mainly caused by a person’s inability to put himself in his partner’s place, in his position. To better understand others, the main thing is to imagine exactly what they feel at certain moments (examples: joy, anger, confusion). To do this, you need to show a keen interest in people and never refuse to communicate.
For some people, a love of controversy is an innate character trait.
The main leaders of psychology believe that being a completely non-conflict person is just as harmful as being an avid debater. Contradictions between people are natural. The main thing is to learn to regulate them and prevent a quarrel from developing into open aggression. To do this, you should treat your opponent with respect, and if he allows himself insults and threats, do not follow his example, but choose another option for interaction. Creating and developing quarrels out of nowhere can become a serious obstacle to a successful career or personal life.
