Jealousy is inherent in all love relationships, no matter who the partners are. There are even cases of jealousy of a lover towards his mistress’s husband. Why can a lover be jealous of his woman who already has a husband, which he could have known about from the beginning? What does it mean? We’ll talk about all the oddities of secret love on the women’s website prettysecrets.ru.
Men are often distinguished by their quality of jealousy. Men are jealous even when women do not belong to them. Psychologists often attribute this property to the possessive attitude of men towards women. Once upon a time, only men had the right to choose, and women could only agree that they were chosen. Today, women are free, but men themselves do not always remember this. The stronger sex continues to treat a woman as her property, which should belong only to them if they pay attention to her.
A lover may be jealous simply because of an inner feeling of selfishness and possessiveness. Even though the woman was originally married, he may eventually become resentful of her continued relationship with her husband. After all, he is such a hero-lover, he had to charm a woman so much that she would want to run headlong after him to the ends of the earth! And when this does not happen, the lover begins to feel that he is not good enough for a woman to run after him.
In general, the feeling of jealousy includes many internal experiences:
- Fear of losing a woman, especially if the man already has some feelings for her.
- Uncertainty about your partner's intentions.
- Distrust of a woman.
- The desire to possess it completely.
Male jealousy has many reasons, among which we should consider the lover’s lack of self-confidence. He is jealous of his mistress because he understands that he is not good enough for her to want to leave her husband. Jealousy can be equated with low self-esteem when the lover is selfish, unsure of himself and begins to compare himself with the girl’s other boyfriends.
The stronger sex always wants to be in first place. Therefore, a lover may be jealous not so much because of love, but because the woman has another man. He wants to be unique, unique, and not share a woman with someone else, even if we are talking about a married young lady. Here, men often hope in the same way as women: at first they start relationships with married people, thinking that they can take their families away at any moment, and then they struggle with their own inability to achieve their goal.
It is too early for a woman to rejoice if she sees that her lover is jealous of her husband. She thinks, “Being jealous means she loves,” but in reality it may just be rivalry, a struggle for the main prize. This is where a man’s passion awakens: he needs to steal a woman from another man in order to prove to himself that he deserves to be the best. And here the lover simply uses various methods to take his mistress away from the family. No, he does not intend to start a family with her. We can say that he is interested in her as long as she is married.
Another reason for a lover’s jealousy may be jealousy for freedom, if we are talking about an unmarried woman. He understands that at any moment a woman can break up with him, so he can simply be jealous of all the men with whom the woman still communicates and sees.
Types and characteristics of jealousy
Speaking about a situation in which a lover is jealous of her husband and other men, we can distinguish two types of jealousy:
- Suspicion and fear of the opponent.
- Envy of the feelings you experience with another man.
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But if a married lover is jealous of his free lover, then the following types of jealousy can be distinguished:
- A sense of ownership. Such jealousy is observed in men who are vain and stubborn. They behave selfishly. The young man believes that his mistress is property that he disposes of. A flash of jealousy against the background of a sense of possessiveness appears even due to minor deviations in the girl’s behavior from the framework that he decided to establish. For example, she sits on the phone for a long time, which means she is texting with another man, or she smiled wrongly at the waiter - they know each other and there is something between them.
- Diffidence. If a lover believes that he does not have enough money or is not as handsome and sexy as other men, then he will be jealous. An inadequate reaction in such a person is caused by the fear that he may be rejected at any moment. On the same basis, jealousy in a lover arises when a woman occupies a higher position in society.
- Projection onto yourself. The lover got himself a girlfriend secretly from his wife. He is a traitor. Equating others with himself, he begins to suspect those around him of treason. When communicating with his mistress, he thinks that besides him she has someone else. Because of this, he often begins to interfere in her personal affairs.
Manifestations
Jealousy is a diverse concept; it manifests itself in different forms. Sometimes it is difficult to guess that a married man is jealous of his mistress: he may not say anything to his partner, but he himself is angry with her.
To analyze the situation from all sides, jealous people can be classified into 4 types of temperaments.
- The choleric person is the most jealous of all. His outbursts of rage and angry cries towards his mistress leave no doubt that he is in great pain. Although there may not be facts proving that she is unfaithful to him, he is unable to restrain himself. It is better for him to know the bitter truth than to be content with rumors and guesses.
- The sanguine person will try to find out specific facts from his mistress, but will do it carefully, so that later he will have something to present to her. He will analyze everything, maybe arrange a search of her things, surveillance in order to get to the bottom of it.
- A melancholic person is a secretive type whose sad appearance can be replaced by a flash of anger. He may even get sick so that his mistress will take pity on him and take care of him, then this will become a kind of test of her feelings.
- A phlegmatic person endures for a long time, and suddenly breaks through. But he does not arrange scenes of jealousy, but leaves silently, having first collected information about his partner’s infidelity.
Reasons for jealousy on the part of a married lover
There are many psychological aspects of jealousy. As can be seen from the description of types of jealousy, they are all based on fears and complexes.
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If you look at the situation from the outside, you can appreciate its comical nature. People deliberately start relationships on the side and cheat on their spouses. What kind of jealousy are we talking about between them? However, feelings are difficult to comprehend logically, so here it is necessary to consider the situation comprehensively.
Keep in mind that a man (like a woman) is stressed most of the time. He tries to hide the relationship from prying eyes, and in return receives short-term meetings. At the same time, he also misses you and thinks about you. However, if this connection is accompanied by fears, personal dramas, complexes, etc., then the situation turns into the man throwing out negative emotions.
Having dealt with the reasons, find out how a woman can understand that her lover is jealous. The easiest way to classify and recognize such emotions is to know the man’s temperament.
Choleric lover
Such a man is an owner. This trait was inherent in his character from the very beginning. If a lover has such a temperament, be prepared for a storm of emotions and not always positive ones.
Self-affirmation is important for a choleric person, so jealousy of a husband or other young people is something that cannot be avoided. It is important for him to be praised. If a woman allows her husband to be mentioned in a conversation, he will not miss the moment to “prick” with a word.
When a choleric lover is jealous of her husband, the signs are easy to notice:
- He becomes furious when his mistress mentions other men. In the understanding of such a guy, a woman should condemn her husband, talk about how bad he is, etc.
- He often fantasizes about how good they would be together if they were officially married. If a choleric person uses beautiful stories, do not flatter yourself. He's showing off.
- He demands praise. If a guy begins to focus on the fact that he is better than other men, it means he is jealous of his mistress.
Please note that even if the relationship with a man moves to the official level, he will not forget that you were in the role of a mistress, will reproach you for this and will continue to be jealous, thinking that you will leave him for someone else. This will happen due to the fear of ending up on the other side of the situation as a cuckold.
Sanguine lover
This man is not jealous on display. He experiences a destructive feeling within himself, but sometimes he cannot hide it. To understand how a sanguine person behaves in a fit of jealousy, just remember the Soviet film “The Irony of Fate.” The main character, Evgeny Lukashin, when he noticed a photograph of Ippolit, began to hide it in a book and then threw it out the window. He did this for one purpose - not to see the person he was jealous of.
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A typical sanguine person behaves in a similar way in life. He will avoid even fleeting conversations about his mistress's husband. A jealous sanguine person is identified by the following signs:
- She hides her face and bites her lips when talking about her mistress’s husband.
- He begins to talk more about his own victories in order to disguise the main defeat - the fact that he is not an official lover.
- Such a man does not deny the fact of jealousy if asked directly about it. He will not describe his feelings colorfully, but will succinctly express dissatisfaction.
If a sanguine lover is married, he will never tell a woman about his own family. He understands how strange and unpleasant it will sound. But it’s also unpleasant for him to hear about his husband. In order not to provoke feelings of jealousy on the part of the sanguine person, simply imagine with him that you are free people and behave accordingly.
Melancholic Lover
When a melancholic lover is jealous of his husband, he is not much different from a typical choleric person. He is sincerely unpleasant that a woman spends more time with her family and legal spouse. Because of this, he becomes depressed. Distinctive signs of melancholic jealousy:
- He openly tells his mistress that he envies her husband.
- The melancholic man forcibly holds his beloved near him so that she can stay with him longer.
- He constantly compliments a woman (even when it is inappropriate).
- He begins to control the life of his mistress.
The behavior of a jealous melancholic person resembles the habits of a maniac. A romantic relationship with such a man is the most dangerous. Do you want to save your family? Try to break off this relationship as quickly as possible, otherwise there is a risk that in a fit of emotion, your lover will reveal your relationship and put it on public display. He will do this for one purpose - to prove his deep feelings.
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Phlegmatic lover
According to statistics, men of this type are least likely to have mistresses. The character of a person is so calm that acute and violent sensations are alien to him. However, if your lover is phlegmatic, keep in mind that it is difficult to recognize jealousy from his behavior.
Such a man draws conclusions silently, so don’t be surprised if he breaks off relations with you one day. This means that the day before he thought about it in advance and came to the conclusion that it would be easier for him this way.
What to do if your married lover is jealous
First of all, you need to weigh the situation and understand what caused the jealousy. Maybe the day before you specifically evoked this feeling in him? Then don't be surprised if he behaves strangely or inappropriately.
If a man goes beyond all boundaries and makes violent scandals, talk to him. Discuss the fact that your relationship is not at the level where he is able to lay claim to your fidelity. However, if you are sure that this conversation will not help, it is better not to start it. For example, such statements can provoke a choleric person into a loud conflict. Then irreversible consequences cannot be avoided.
But if the goal is to maintain a relationship with a man, relieve him of feelings of jealousy. It's worth considering how this can be done.
What should you watch out for?
You need to understand that you need to take action carefully, avoiding ambiguous situations that can only push a man away from you. Therefore, you need to learn the most important rule, which will allow you, having aroused jealousy in a man, not to go too far - everything should be in moderation!
Any methods, especially the most effective ones, are good only up to a critical limit, beyond which your actions can result in a banal scandal fraught with consequences. To avoid such an outcome, remember that any plan you have to attract a man’s attention must end before the latter has a breakdown. To do this, you will need a great understanding of how rubbery your man's patience is. After all, the goal you are pursuing is not divorce or breakup.
If you nevertheless decide to go all the way, and the warnings did not stop you, let’s move on to consider the surest ways to cause jealousy in a married man.
How to get rid of obsessive feelings
Think about whether a lover can ruin your relationship with jealousy and destroy your legal marriage. If the answer is “yes,” then urgently use your charm and feminine wisdom.
Try to understand how your lover is doing with his self-esteem. If she is understated, instill in him a sense of dignity. It's not very difficult to do this. Inspire him to do what he loves. This will make it easier for him to realize himself in society. This will reduce the level of nervousness and jealousy.
If a married lover is jealous of a woman, but his self-esteem is all right, then you need to learn to put the question bluntly. Show that his jealousy does not cause positive emotions in you. There is no need to do this harshly, just act more coldly at such moments. Over time, he will understand that you do not like this format of communication.
Method No. 3. We ignore
Men, like children, are accustomed to being at the epicenter of care and attention, while women rush around with them like crazy bags. This condition is extremely comfortable for men. And as soon as even the slightest disharmony breaks into their “cozy little world,” they will immediately sound the alarm. Based on this, it will be easier for a woman to make her husband jealous. All that is required of a woman is to start devoting less time to her beloved. There can be many reasons for spending less time with your man. Meet with your friends more often in cafes, clubs, restaurants, devote more time to your own affairs, and not to solving his problems and questions, again, you can start to stay late at work. If you want the reaction to be stronger and more emotional, go abroad to some resort without it. All these actions on your part will definitely have the desired result.
Why provoke jealousy?
Sometimes a woman deliberately makes her lover jealous. This is done for one purpose - to feel important and to see that he really has feelings.
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It is important to understand that this kind of provocation is unlikely to do any good. Keep in mind that you are in a position where neither he nor you can fully claim open love. Even if there are sincere feelings between you, from a moral point of view they are illegal.
When a young man provokes a feeling, think about why he is doing this. Maybe he just wants to assert himself once again? By making someone jealous, a person deliberately plays up the situation in order to attract attention to himself.
Having learned about the reasons for the manifestation of jealousy and its types, analyze the behavior of your lover. Understand what motivates him. Based on the conclusions drawn, try to correct his behavior. However, if his jealousy threatens your reputation, try to end the relationship before it leads to problems.
