Breaking up is always difficult for both partners; the line between how to convey to a girl that the relationship is over irrevocably and how not to hurt her is very thin.
If you act too softly and try to support the girl, there is a risk that the girl will persuade you to continue the relationship.
If the conversation is too harsh , the young man may offend the girl, who, due to her feelings, remains completely defenseless.
You only need to make a decision about the final separation consciously; you should not do this after a scandal, when emotions run wild and do not allow you to weigh the situation.
Important! The correct option is an honest conversation; leaving without explanation is not worthy of a self-respecting man.
So how can we tell a girl that we are breaking up beautifully and correctly?
When should you break off a relationship with a girl?
To determine that a relationship has ceased to bring joy and no longer has a future, find at least one match among the items presented in the list. This will be an indicator that parting with a beloved, but unsuitable girl is inevitable, since the characters and temperaments do not match.
READ How to keep your beloved: what should a guy do if a girl wants to break up with him
- Different visions of a joint future, life, and lifestyle of a couple. Men and women grow up in families where the understanding of norms of behavior is different. For some, it is acceptable, for example, not to express feelings and act coldly, while for others such behavior is annoying. The same applies to understanding further development: a man insists on moving to another city to look for a well-paid job, but a woman will not agree with this, or vice versa. Therefore, if disagreements arise when discussing everyday issues, and neither of the couple is ready to compromise, you should think about breaking up.
- Disrespect, provocation, blackmail. When one representative of a couple expresses the opinion that certain aspects are not satisfactory, and the other ignores it, this is a sign of disrespect. The union will not receive further development. People with an immature psyche are more likely to engage in provocations and blackmail. Try to convey to your partner that this behavior is wrong, but if nothing changes, you will have to admit that the couple has no future.
- Aggression of one representative of a couple or both at once. Regardless of who shows force and uses physical force, feel free to break off relations with an aggressive person. The same applies to a similar attitude towards children, elderly parents and other loved ones.
If at least one sign is present, think about how to painlessly break up with a girl.
When is the decision to break up made?
If the desire to break the connection arises constantly or periodically, you should not ignore your feelings. However, the decision must be thought out and weighed.
READ How to survive a breakup with a loved one: advice from a psychologist
To accept it, use these tips:
- do not say loud words during or immediately after a quarrel, when the emotional state is unstable - such issues are resolved with a “cool” head;
- weigh the pros and cons in writing: this will allow you to clearly formulate your thoughts and understand the situation;
- use your imagination and imagine the future that will come in 2-3 years if you don’t figure out how to properly break up with your current girlfriend. At the same time, you should not idealize another person, hoping that changes for the better will occur. Will you like this life? If the answer is no, feel free to break up.
A calmly made decision will be justified, and this will help not cause pain when parting.
Be grateful for the time you spent together
Yes, you really have something to say “thank you” to her for. Remember, maybe not always, but you felt good: you had someone to come to and talk to, someone to go to the movies with and take your mind off everyday problems. You gained experience and probably learned something from each other. So tell her “thank you” for being there:
- «I want to start the conversation with words of gratitude. We've been through a lot and I appreciate it, but
…»; - Or “ Thank you, I will remember our meetings only with positive emotions.
If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have achieved much, but ...”
It will be painful for her to hear these words now; they will cause a storm of emotions. But then she will understand that everything ended well and will appreciate the way you broke up.
What a man should do when breaking up
The sequence of how to carefully break up with a good girl depends on mutual feelings. If the relationship lasts 2-3 weeks or 3-4 months, the separation will not be difficult, since the partners have not yet had time to get used to mutual habits. In the case of a long-term relationship, pay attention to feelings.
who loves you
It is not uncommon for a girl to have strong feelings for a young man. This is explained by increased emotionality and a tendency to idealize a partner. But this doesn’t make the situation where you need to determine how to break up with a girl who still loves you any easier.
To do this, proceed sequentially:
- Identify and clearly state the reason. It is better to prepare in advance not just one sentence with the main problem, but a complete plan for conducting a dialogue.
- Choose a location. Any calm and quiet establishment, park or square will do. It is undesirable to choose an apartment, since this will lead to increased aggressiveness, and in the presence of other people it is easier to contain the flow of negativity.
- Present your points sequentially, leaving time for responses. Words about a breakup will not bring joy; most likely, she will at least be offended.
- Don’t focus on the negative aspects, remember the positive character traits of your ex-lady. Note that the breakup is partly your fault.
To part with a nice girl gracefully, provide a useful service at the end. You can, for example, give a ticket to a rock band concert or a certificate to a beauty salon. You should not choose an item in this role, as it will become a symbol of separation and will not bring joy. When giving a gift, make sure that it is a gesture of friendliness, but not a hint of the possibility of continuation.
READ What to do if a man leaves a pregnant woman: finding out the reasons and finding a solution
which you love very much
There are situations in which a man has strong feelings for a girl, but does not receive reciprocity. This brings disappointment to both parties. The representative of the stronger sex feels his own weakness, which depresses and suppresses. And the fragile woman feels an onslaught that she cannot resist.
The result is that one is depressed and assertive, while the other is scared and depressed. Therefore, you need to know how to part with your loved one without causing harm to anyone:
- First, try to put yourself in her shoes. A wise man understands that you cannot gain favor by pushing. Therefore, he will not act from the point of view of strength and perseverance.
- Secondly, think about the torment of a girl who, out of generosity, agrees to spend time with an uninteresting person.
- Finally, remember your own dignity. Humiliation and condescension are not feelings that a representative of the stronger sex deserves.
How to end a relationship gracefully without offending the girl
There is no separation scenario that will suit every couple. However, there are a number of rules that cannot be broken when talking about a breakup:
- You cannot give false hope, even if this desire seems irresistible. Keep silent or gently interrupt the conversation at the moment when you feel that you will say something stupid.
- Don't tell your friends about what happened. A man must remain a gentleman, maintaining honor and dignity. Therefore, it’s not worth chatting at every corner about a breakup, especially one initiated by you.
- Do not shift responsibility for the decision that has been made to others. The message about the breakup and that love has passed should come from you alone.
- Don't let other people take advantage of you in a committed relationship. Therefore, you should not immediately start dating someone else, especially in front of the previous one, or, even worse, out of spite.
- Physical disabilities cannot be cited as a reason for separation. After all, at the beginning of the meetings this did not bother anyone, but after time spent together, talking about it is low and undignified.
- Don't try to provoke a girl into deciding to break up. If there are objective circumstances that you are not happy with, try to find ways to properly break up with the annoying girl. Even if it is outside sympathy and reluctance to cheat in a relationship, it is better to admit it honestly.
Day "X"3
A day to talk also requires some choice. Classics of the genre: before a birthday, New Year's holidays or March 8th. 80% of breakups occur on these dates. Why? It's simple. Guys naively believe that this will make it easier for a girl to be distracted. This is a fatal mistake! Firstly, leaving a lady on the eve of a holiday means that the guy does not have the slightest idea of delicacy, tact and basic education.
Moreover, it looks like an attempt to save money on gifts. Secondly, when the girl is surrounded by happy girlfriends with their boyfriends, cheerfully shouting: “oh, forget about this seal, how can you leave a girl before the holidays,” and other “blah blah blah”, it will be harder for her to survive the breakup. Thirdly, there is no need to spoil the girl’s mood, the guy will already be a complete monster for her, and if he also left her on the eve of the fun, then he is generally a moral monster.
You should not choose moments when a girl needs to go to work or other important matters. It is very difficult to do business if tears appear in your eyes every now and then. It’s better if it’s a day off and the friend doesn’t have any plans.
What to do if a girl is too intrusive
Representatives of the fairer sex with a hysterical character and an immature psyche tend to create additional difficulties when breaking up. Indeed, in this case, you need to think about how to break up with a hot-tempered girl without causing her even more pain, and also about how to avoid additional problems arising due to scandals.
READ How men experience breakups: what happens to them and how to get through a difficult period
First, evaluate your ex's ability to ruin your life. For example, if she has influential relatives who are not indifferent to her fate, there is a possibility of dismissal from her job.
However, you will still get tired of enduring this, so it is better to get rid of the heavy burden as early as possible. If threats are not destined to come true, ignore such manifestations.
If a girl shows excessive intrusiveness and the young man wants to break up, try to carefully, but straightforwardly, report this. At the same time, do not make meaningful promises or reactions that are difficult to interpret unambiguously. She must understand that the separation is final, and the decision will not change depending on the mood swings of the ex-boyfriend.
Do not respond to blackmail and persuasion. If your companion has materials compromising the gentleman in stock, try to prepare in advance a basis for eliminating the consequences. It is better to delete or limit access to information that will ruin your reputation. If you are persuaded to return, explain that this is impossible for the reasons that the young man gave as justification for the decision.
Gradually moving away from each other is the option that will be the least painful. Mute her activity with your indifference, constant lack of time for meetings and dates. To do this, do not answer calls and messages, spend more time with friends and colleagues.
On a short leash5
Sometimes there are such cunningly invented persons nearby that it is very difficult and sometimes simply unrealistic to get rid of them. Their “leash” is blackmail. Moreover, vile, cheap blackmail by suicide. Oh, how many of them are always jumping out of the window, cutting veins and emptying first aid kits. And how beautifully they stand on bridges or on the parapets of roofs: the wind blows their hair, their white clothes flow in a stream of sadness, a veil of sadness envelops their trembling body.
And he, this stinker, will still understand who he lost! She will suffer all her life, but she, a lonely angel, will be far away in heaven. Naturally, no one wants to take responsibility for someone else’s life, but most often these are just empty, pretentious words that do not carry any burden. After all, they don’t squeal about the act of suicide and don’t make a theatrical spectacle out of it.
Another way of blackmail is “oops, I’m pregnant.” It's easy to avoid this. It’s enough not to sign up for farewell sex. And set the date of separation on the days of menstruation. Fortunately, the guys know the time of “red flags” well.
Sometimes the “leash” can be material accumulations. For example, the car is registered in the name of a girl, and the loan is registered in the name of a young man. I have to pay for another three years, but I’m dying to break up now. Here you need to weigh everything. It’s one thing if the car was a birthday present, then you’ll have to leave it to the lady and continue to pay the money. It's a different story if the car was bought just like that.
Here it depends, but it would be fair to sell the car or leave it as a “farm-out”, showing masculine nobility. So, before leaving a girl, you should carefully consider the places of straw bedding in order to get out of the cycle of blackmail with honor.
What not to do during a breakup
To understand how to break up with your girlfriend after a long relationship without causing additional suffering, you should avoid situations that will aggravate the depressed state:
- There is no need to resort to the support of a group of friends. People have an established social circle in which they can find support. If a young man influences the company of his ex, he is acting meanly. Perhaps close friends will become the only outlet and reassurance.
- Don't interfere with parents and relatives. Do not try to talk about situations where close people confirmed the negative qualities of a young lady behind her back. Speaking badly about them in her presence is also wrong.
- Accusations and getting personal are not the best options when talking about a breakup. This will provoke and turn the conversation into a scandal, because mutual reproaches and insults will most likely arise.
- Give a chance to return. Situations when a conversation about breaking up turns into passion do happen, but are perceived differently by men and women. The first ones are sure that this way you can put a full stop, while the second ones are convinced that this is a sign of an ellipsis. Therefore, to avoid misunderstandings, stay within the bounds of decency and do not move to a closer level of relationship.
How different zodiac signs break up
Each representative of the zodiac sign behaves differently when breaking up. But identifying the most characteristic phrases and reactions is quite simple.
- Aries. They quickly say the phrase “I want to break up” and leave without looking back. Sometimes this happens extremely unexpectedly for the partner.
- Taurus. For a long time and smoothly they prepare a person for the fact that soon their couple will cease to exist. Sometimes their warmth is perceived as indecisiveness, but these guys do not do rash things.
- Twins. Extremely insecure people. Today they can love to the point of unconsciousness, and tomorrow they can forget about the existence of a loved one. Therefore, the separation will be long.
- Cancers. They endure and remain silent for a long time. But if you start a conversation in the style of “I can’t stand this anymore,” there’s definitely no turning back.
- Lions. Representatives of this sign do not break up, they abandon. Therefore, when starting to date a Leo, you need to be prepared even for this.
- Virgos. Soft and gentle, they will delay the moment of conversation until the last moment. And as soon as the decision to separate becomes inevitable, they will disappear without speaking.
- Scales. They think and evaluate the situation for a long time. Ready for a compromise even after talking about a breakup, you just need to try.
- Scorpios. They are harsh and a little rude, but they take the breakup hard. Therefore, they try to talk about claims against each other in a timely manner, and if they decide to end a romantic relationship, then they do it according to all the rules.
- Sagittarius. They are purposeful and stubborn, so if you decide to break off the connection, you won’t be able to convince them.
- Capricorns. They are ready to compromise, so they endure for a long time. But they break up quickly and forever.
- Aquarius. The cautious behavior of representatives of this sign rarely leads to relationships in which they have to leave. But if this happens, they try to do it in silence, simply switching to ignoring their ex-partner.
- Fish. They are emotional and extremely hot-tempered, so a conversation about a breakup is unlikely to go smoothly.
READ Why a man stopped communicating without explanation and what to do in such a situation
A plan is the key to beautiful partings
First you need to make an action plan. It is foolish to think that improvisation will cope with the task. This is wrong. Moreover, to act on a whim means to pile up such towns that you won’t be able to sort them out in your entire life.
The girl needs to prepare for this blow. In a couple of weeks, it is very important to eliminate sex completely. Oh or “I’m sick” they won’t get a ride. You can simply refuse and fuel your “I don’t want” in every possible way. She will already begin to doubt herself and pester her with questions. Silence must be maintained stoically: just “I don’t want to”, that’s all! You can add notes of irritation or fatigue. The friend will feel in every way that something is wrong in the relationship and will continue to attack. But you cannot give in to provocative questions, otherwise everything will end very ugly.
Then a piece of paper and a pen are used, and the process of soul-searching begins. It is worth understanding whether the time has really come to leave the girl, or whether this is a whim of an inflamed mind due to a burnt pie. To do this you will have to answer several questions. The list can be found on any psychology website. Arguments that emerge during the debriefing process must be supported by facts. Moreover, they are ironclad, and not contrived. A sample list of questions could be:
- How strong is the desire to never see your crush again?
- Is breaking up a way to get more attention?
- This is definitely not revenge or an attempt to slightly intimidate
- Why the relationship has run its course
- Why did the girl stop arranging
- Does the girl have a chance to change her decision to break up?
Now you need to write the speech. It is better to compose the text in such a way that there is no unnecessary water: quickly, briefly and clearly. Then you need to reformulate everything in such a way that the speech becomes as delicate and tactful as possible. The girl will not be very happy anyway, and then there are angry and offensive speeches full of reproaches...
When the speech is ready, proofread and edited, you need to think about the meeting place. Under no circumstances should you make a date in memorable and significant places. This should not be the bench of the first kiss or the alley of the first date; you should not invite you to your favorite cafe, where important words were once spoken.
You shouldn’t perpetuate negativity where it was cozy and warm. It is better to choose a place that is absolutely neutral for both, not the most crowded, but not pretentious either. After all, if hysteria breaks out, there won’t be many witnesses. The ideal location would be near her home, which she would need to return to as soon as possible.
Is it possible to remain friends after a breakup?
People who until recently were a couple find it difficult to get along with the idea of the impossibility of restoring such a situation. Therefore, often in a conversation about the need to break up, you can hear the phrase “stay friends.”
There could be two reasons for this:
- Uncertainty about the decision.
- Fear of gossip and unpleasant conversations.
In the first case, you need to understand the relationship and finally make sure of one of the options.
Weigh all the positive aspects and evaluate the significance of the negative ones. Perhaps you can put up with them for a long time or you are already used to them. In the second case, cast aside all doubts and part ways. Gossip and gossip are an inevitable stage, which a calm appearance and self-confidence will help you survive. Is it even possible to remain friends after a long romantic relationship? This is only possible when spiritual communication becomes more important than physical communication. But this will require that emotions subside and grievances be forgotten.
Advice from psychologists
Psychologists insist on the need to survive the breakup so as not to return to the idea of renewing the relationship. Each stage after a rupture can be smoothed out:
- Denial – any thoughts that arise about a temporary cessation of communication should be smoothed out by returning to the list of shortcomings compiled in preparation for the conversation about the breakup.
- Anger - active sports that require energy will help. Running, dancing, boxing and swimming are suitable.
- Bargaining – when trying to return, remember your sense of self-esteem.
- Depression - in this state, a change in activity, departure, a new hobby or travel will be useful. With a limited budget and time, you can try to change your area of residence or go to a country house for the weekend.
Starting a new life after a breakup is always a long and painful process. It will require determination and confidence in the decision made, so be prepared for difficulties. However, further continuation of unpromising relationships is even worse.
What definitely should not be done6
The list of things that are prohibited during a breakup is small, but it clearly outlines how to leave a girl in such a way as not to end up registered on a dating site for gays. So, here's a list of all the "don'ts":
- Scandal, insults, humiliation during a showdown
- Breaking up via SMS and calls
- Address physical attractiveness: flaws in appearance and figure
- Projecting a friend's future loneliness
- Disappear from life without dotting all the i's
- Treason without cover
- Advertise new relationships
