Hello, friends! A week ago, my friend and I went to a course for women “How to communicate with a man.” I'm still impressed and can't help but share it with you. Of course, the topic of relationships is not new - at all times, men and women have tried to gain the attention of the opposite sex. All imaginable tricks and secrets of seduction, love magic and the art of flirting were used. In the east, girls were taught from childhood how to get a man’s attention and please him so that he would forget to think about anyone else. Since psychology appeared, the study of gender relations has not stopped and interest in the topic has not subsided.
So how can you understand a man? How to arouse interest and remain remembered as an exceptional woman?
Features of men's perception of the world
Dear ladies!
Men are not aliens, as they sometimes write in books. They're just different. Their thinking and worldview are different from ours.
At all times, raising boys has focused on courage, dexterity, and the ability to be a leader and provider. Think rationally, make decisions and be responsible for them. Girls, on the other hand, have softer, more vulnerable, sensitive natures. Their tasks were to be a mother and housewife, to be able to manage everyday life and create comfort for their man after battles and exploits. And women perceive any event more subtly and emotionally. It is generally accepted that girls are cheerful and open, and men are unemotional and practical. Actually this is not true. “Legs grow” from centuries of experience in education. Here are a couple of simple examples that explain the way a man thinks: A woman will react emotionally to the simple phrase “the window broke” or “oh, I got hurt,” and a man will react rationally. It is important for the lady to sympathize; a picture has been scrolling in her head and she understands how painful it is to get hurt. A man's mind is different and is tuned to solving a problem.
Therefore, instead of “oh you, poor thing!” you will most likely hear: “Treat the wound, apply a tourniquet and go to the doctor immediately!” It's not insensitivity, it's caring.
A woman's thinking is more figurative.
It is easier for her to create new things, to fantasize, to be creative.
A man should always have a plan.
Therefore, it is easier for him to sketch rather than draw, to develop a ready-made idea than to come up with a new one. And one more thing: she always notices details, he focuses on the big picture. Hence the inability to find anything in the closet or refrigerator. In addition, a man’s awareness of himself in society and relationships is influenced by: Physiological characteristics The more a boy considers himself strong, athletic and “cool,” the more confident he is.
Details: men have less developed lateral vision. Therefore, he can spend a long time looking for keys or a pen that lies on the edge of the table, and not in the center.
1.1. Age
Agree, the values and criteria for choosing a girl at 18-20 and 30-40 years old are different for a young man. At the age of 20, a rare guy thinks about a serious relationship and pays more attention to bright, daring fashionistas. Closer to 30 years, when everything that one wanted to prove has been proven and conquered, a man begins to seek attention and understanding of himself as an individual. Comfort and peace in relationships.
1.2. Upbringing
What kind of upbringing a boy received in childhood and what example of treatment of women he saw in the family will largely determine his behavior with the opposite sex in the future. And it will even influence the choice of the type of partner. But more on that later. If he is the only long-awaited child in the family, if all the whims were fulfilled at the first dissatisfied grimace, and there was always a round dance of grandmothers and nannies around, then such a boy will grow up to be a “narcissist” - capricious, selfish, helpless and even cruel.
And from future women he will expect the same treatment as he received in the family.
In this case, you will have to learn how to communicate with a narcissistic man. Or leave it.
1.2. Nationality
Yes, yes, this is an important factor. The culture in which your chosen one grew up and was brought up, what traditions are embedded in his head, will also influence his manner of communication and treatment of women.
For example, how to communicate correctly with an Eastern man?
He will shower compliments and compare girls' eyes to stars in conversation, and this is normal for them. But he will never tolerate a raised tone in his direction. Therefore, to convince him you will need all the gentleness, wisdom and feminine cunning. And in Latin America they will approve if a girl is the first to take the initiative when meeting someone.
What are teenage boys interested in?
Starting from childhood, a person lives in a diverse society. Everyone has their own interests, preferences and tastes, but in preschool age personal priorities become blurred. Boys and girls play hide and seek, tag, snowballs and hopscotch together. A little time passes, and the guys begin to realize that they are interested in different things. Guys become less controllable with age, so their range of hobbies is wider than that of girls.
Among the main preferences, psychologists name:
- Active sports and competitions. A 14-year-old boy wants recognition from his peers, so harmless sparring often turns into real fights without rules. With proper upbringing, boys are able to transfer aggression into active games: basketball, football, volleyball. The spirit of competition is important to them, where they show leadership qualities.
- Computer and Internet. Guys' interests are rarely limited to banal shooters and online battles. The Internet is a sea of information, social networks and communication with friends.
- Board games and useful leisure. Chess and checkers are suitable for rainy evenings, but for relaxation guys will prefer a swimming pool, billiards or bowling.
- Films and music. Interest in art is formed in preschool age, so a teenager has ideas about musical compositions and follows the latest cinematic releases.
- Books. Reading has ceased to be synonymous with being a nerd thanks to the emergence of new modern authors.
READ
How to make a man fall in love with you for life: the basics of female pickup
Without communication and the inclinations of collectivism, it is easy for a boy in his class to become a “black sheep,” so the guys try to surround themselves with friends with similar interests. Such friendships last for years, but a fascination with girls should not be ruled out. Hormonal changes dictate their own rules, thanks to which young ladies are able to interest boys.
What kind of women do men love?
Before you start communicating with a man, you need to understand what kind of women they like.
I’ll tell you a secret - a man falls in love not so much with the person herself, but with the state that he experiences next to her: comfort, peace, joy.
It’s easy for him, he’s not afraid of being misunderstood, he feels big and strong. You don't need to be perfect - just perceive him as a person, and not an object of conquest.
And yet, which girl will be of increased interest?
2.1. By external signs
Stylish
Not necessarily dressed in the latest fashion in branded items. You can look expensive even in simple clothes, well-chosen in style and color combination. Acid, tacky, animalistic and aggressive prints should not be in your wardrobe if you plan to stay in a man’s life for more than one night. Clothes should be understandable (otherwise they are intimidating) and give free rein to imagination.
With a pleasant voice
In any conversation, avoid high-pitched, shrill notes and croaking sounds.
90% of men are more sympathetic to the owners of a deep “velvety” voice with a hoarseness.
This timbre instills in them a sense of peace and security, and also excites the imagination and sensuality. High “girly” voices attract those who are subconsciously ready to “adopt” and who do not tolerate equality. Such a man will show care and attention in return for complete submission.
Self-sufficient woman
Before you learn to communicate with men, you need to be able to become interesting to yourself.
Real men love busy, inspired, developing women who have a hobby or business that makes their eyes sparkle.
This is a sign that the lady is a self-sufficient, integral person, that you won’t be bored with her, she doesn’t focus only on relationships and is capable of inspiring. It’s always interesting with something like this, you always have to conquer it.
Able to handle children and animals
Firstly, it is a sign of a woman’s kindness. Secondly, sooner or later, the gentleman will begin to try on your image for the role of the mistress of the family and mother of children. Or it won't start. It depends on how you show yourself.
2.2. By type
In addition to general data, there are also certain types that attract men:
Catwoman
Soft, flirty, charming. Either he cuddles and purrs, then he disappears for two weeks. Unpredictable, independent, tenacious. You'll never guess what's on her mind. A little lazy, because she is experienced and knows how to properly communicate with men and their psychology. This type is “fallen” by people who are not very confident in themselves, who need approval and the awareness that he is “good”.
Frank bitch
A godsend for macho men who love rollercoasters in relationships. Adrenaline, excitement and risk.
Such a woman is beautiful, knows her worth, is prudent and perceives a man as a resource.
This is the type that is most often found among lovers.
Woman girl
No matter how old she is, she always wants to help. Shelter, protect, warm. Next to her you feel like a real hero, a male. Friendly, sensitive, naive. It’s easy to cheat someone like this in the store, but she’ll easily forget about it when she gets a new dress.
Successful marriages usually develop with such women, because “girls” are responsible housewives.
There is also a vamp woman, a boss woman, a lady and a gray mouse. There is an amateur for each of them, depending on the psychological state and self-esteem.
An invitation to meet and spend time together
A girl's first date is always a very important event, for which she prepares with special care. Fear, excitement, uncertainty - all these feelings do not leave, especially if you like the guy very much. I want to make an impact, be liked and get an offer for at least a second date.
Psychologists advise first of all to try to calm down. Of course, this is unlikely to succeed, but it’s worth a try. No man will be delighted with a woman whose right eye twitches from a nervous tic, and whose face never leaves a stupid smile.
How to meet the man you like
My dears, in order to get to know any person, you need one thing: approach him and get to know him. But, if you don’t have enough courage, your palms are sweating, and your mother’s words come to mind that “the boy should go first,” then there are several clear ways to let a man know that you are not against dating.
1. Nonverbal communication
Or body language that signals your interest. Your gait, head tilt, special smile can say a lot. Straighten your hair, smile, roll your eyes, like in the movie “The Bat.”
A woman tinting her lips looks seductive. Just don’t overdo it here!
Open gestures, relaxed postures and natural behavior endear you and make it clear that the initiative to get to know you is desirable for you and safe for him.
2. Little tricks
Marilyn Monroe had her heels filed to make her walk more seductive. Coco Chanel wore men's trousers.
What's stopping you from doing a little prank to meet possible love?
Drop your purse, “accidentally” collide, trip, spill coffee on him or yourself (just make sure it’s not too hot).
3. Send a message
If this happens in a public place: a restaurant, a party, and you are worried that noise may interfere, write a short note and pass it along to the waiter.
Yes, it's bold, but what do you have to lose?
In the worst case, they simply won’t answer you and you’ll never see each other again. And at best, you will make an interesting acquaintance.
3.1. How to understand that a man is interested
When a woman imagines an ideal meeting in her head, she often assumes that her partner will behave boldly, confidently and relaxed. In fact, if a man is interested in communicating with you, he will worry about falling in your eyes. If he really likes you, you will quickly realize it.
By the way he:
- — Shows special attention, strives to show oneself from the best side;
- - Wants to impress in any way: do 50 push-ups without hands or tell an exciting story about how he walked on a bear;
- — He will try to treat you, see you off, and ensure your safety;
- — Will take your contacts to continue communication;
- - There will be a lot of jokes.
3.2. How to behave at the first meeting and what to talk about
Fact: for a man to feel “kinship of souls” and sincere sympathy, it takes 100 hours. 100 hours for him to speak out. Therefore, do not rush to lay out everything about yourself - be patient, ask interesting questions, and listen and listen. It is a good experience to understand how “your” person he is.
Until you know each other too well, choose neutral topics so as not to hurt anyone's feelings.
You can navigate the place and see how it goes. But the best improvisation is a prepared improvisation. Therefore, here are a few topics on how to communicate with a man to interest him:
- - About him. Give the man the freedom to speak, while showing sincere interest and nodding approvingly;
- — Movie news, premieres, music. Who likes what, who went where. Often such a topic can end with a proposal to go to a movie or a concert together;
- - Sports. There is no man who does not love some kind of sport. Even if you don’t understand it at all and are far from this topic, ask him to explain.
And don't be afraid to look awkward.
The gentleman will be flattered by both your interest and the opportunity to share knowledge and once again show off your erudition;
But it’s better not to touch on the topic of politics, finance, your problems, cosmetics, so as not to be misunderstood.
During the conversation, remember about body language, open postures, and a “live” voice. Be positive.
Trick: You can make a man feel that you are on the same wavelength and understand him by mirroring his movements. He bowed his head and so did you. He crossed his arms - repeat after him.
Flirt in moderation
Flirting and flirting are a kind of foreplay in the development of an emerging romance, and you need to know the subtleties associated with such behavior. In fact, this is a whole complex of words, individual phrases, hints, facial expressions and gestures, through which a girl makes it clear to her boyfriend about her interest in him.
What does it look like in practice when the goal is to make a boy in your classmate you like at school fall in love with you:
- Let your eyes meet his eyes - a close and even fleeting glance has enormous power.
- Smile sincerely and welcomingly when you meet.
- An extremely attractive gesture for any man is straightening his hair. This method also works for green boys.
- Any barely noticeable touch can cause an explosion of emotions in the male brain - use this effective technique, but not too often.
- In addition, guys love compliments addressed to them, but one detail is important here - praise should be voiced without fanaticism and open admiration. Otherwise, the guy will think that you are head over heels in love with him, and it’s too early to reveal your feelings.
Flirting also involves other maneuvers - comic teasing, harmless jokes, short hugs as if by chance. But, as they say, everything should be within the bounds of decency; you can act this way occasionally, and not every 10 minutes. Of course, it is unacceptable to touch intimate parts of the body. But you can safely ask for a pen, notebook or textbook, offer your help or seek advice. The main thing is ease and interest in the eyes, and then act according to the circumstances.
How to behave with different men
If there are female types, then there are also male ones.
How to find out which of them your partner belongs to, how to behave with him and what to expect?
4.1. How to communicate with an introverted man
An introverted man prefers a calm, solitary atmosphere. He is used to thinking a lot, being silent a lot, and needs to be alone to recuperate. He doesn’t have many friends, you won’t meet him in noisy parties, and he often gives the impression of a boring nerd.
In fact, introverts are smart, well-read and reliable people, successful careerists and loyal friends.
But charming an introverted man is useless. He makes his own choice according to criteria that only he understands. It’s another matter when he wasn’t an introvert, but became one. For example, as a child, an inquisitive, active boy ran to share the news with his mother, and she answered: “Don’t interfere!”, “Go and play alone!” So the child learned to study on his own and avoid society, considering himself unnecessary.
4.2. How to communicate with a divorced man
A divorced man is like a soldier who fought - he was already in a serious relationship, he was hit by shells, you can’t fool him. This is an experienced, attentive, seasoned warrior. And if the divorce was painful, then he is often distrustful and offended by the entire female half of humanity. You can often hear him say that getting married is no longer a no-no.
You can melt the heart of a divorced man only with patience and affection. No pressure or criticism.
4.3. How to communicate with an egoistic man
It is useless to re-educate an egoist. He will only be offended that you do not accept him for who he is and “nag.” There are several solutions: - Show by personal example how to do it. Most likely, your chosen one was the only son and all the attention and gifts were only for him. He can be a kind person and not even notice such a feature in himself; - Start behaving the same way. The method is aggressive and can lead to conflicts; - Stop communication. The most nerve-saving option. But, if you don’t want to leave, see point 1.
4.4. How to communicate with a manipulative man
There is no need to communicate with a manipulator!
Unless absolutely necessary. For example, he is your boss. But even here, keep conversations to a minimum. With such a man you will feel guilty. He will always find a way to get his way, reinforcing the story that it is for your own good. He is one of those who states that in a relationship it is important to listen to each other and make compromises. In particularly unhealthy cases, such a man will threaten to harm himself if you don't do what he wants. This is not a matured, childish, capricious person who believes that everything revolves around him. You need to run away from such relationships early and far away. Of course, if this is not your comfort zone.
Our women love to save everyone, have compassion, and also blame themselves.
And don’t worry - he won’t do anything to himself. The love for one’s own person is too strong.
How to get a boy to like you at school?
How to get a boy to like you at school?
Situation No. 1: how to please a boy at school who is so close - here he is, walking past you in the corridor, sitting next to you in the cafeteria... Much will depend on whether he is your classmate or not.
Classmate
So, how to please a boy from your class:
- If you are a better student than him, try offering to help him with his homework.
- If he studies better than you, ask him for help with this.
- Try to get closer to his friends, who are probably in your same class. From them you can learn more about him and join his company without any problems.
- Participate in extracurricular activities with him. Make a wall newspaper together, stage a skit, dance or sing a song - rehearsals and success after the concert will bring you closer together.
- You have the same number of lessons at school - so what's stopping you from going home together?
If you need to please a boy in your classmate, follow this pattern - and you won’t be disappointed.
From another class
You will have to behave a little differently if you do not study together. How can you please a boy from another class , especially if he is older than you?
- Try to catch his eye more often during changes, but do not be intrusive. Simulate the situation so that you find yourself next to him by chance.
- Make friends who communicate with him - this will help you cross paths more often.
- If he is older, you must match his level. Develop yourself, read books, watch the news. If in a conversation with him you express your own opinion about something, he will probably be amazed and stop seeing you as a little girl.
- Ask him for help with something: in studies, in sports, in staging a school skit.
To get a boy to like you at school, find any points of intersection with him - this will allow you to get closer and get to know each other better. This way it will be easier to become needed by him and attract his desired attention.
Did you know that...
Do most boys really enjoy the process of conquering a girl in order to enjoy the victory that follows? So don’t give in to him right away: play and be for him that very impregnable fortress, for the sake of which he will move mountains.
Dating by correspondence: rules of flirting on the Internet
60% of married couples met on the Internet. Online dating sites make the task of finding a partner much easier.
Advantages of online dating:
- — You risk relatively nothing except wasting time;
- — You can correspond on the Internet in comfortable pajamas and with tea, while feeling beautiful and seductive;
- — Virtual communication gives a feeling of permissiveness and courage;
- — There is a chance to meet foreigners.
There are also disadvantages:
- - You can never be sure who is really hiding behind the avatar;
- — You and your interlocutor can embellish the photo and biography at your discretion;
- - A man may turn out to be a fraudster or simply married;
- — A person may unexpectedly interrupt the conversation and not allow you to explain.
5.1. Rules for communicating with a man in correspondence
How to communicate with a man in correspondence, where to start a conversation, should you write first?
Virtual communication differs from ordinary communication in that the opponent does not hear your voice, intonation, or see the reaction to his words. Try to answer as clearly as possible, without ambiguity (unless this is part of the game). When you see a new letter, do not rush to open it immediately. Show your interlocutor that you weren’t waiting at the computer all day. Writing first is acceptable and normal. The ratio is 1 your message to 5 his.
Ask questions that a man cannot answer in monosyllables.
Develop topics that interest him. The 100 hour rule applies here too. It is quite possible that after several evenings at the keyboard you will be asked to switch to a dialogue on the phone. If this does not happen, show your interlocutor that you do not see any prospects and cut down communication, let him get bored. Remember that communicating on VK is not the same as communicating on Tinder. A man may need different types of attention from you.
5.2. Telephone communication
There are a million manuals, advice from psychologists, folk tricks on how to communicate with a man on the phone. The stronger sex does not like telephone conversations too much, preferring real communication.
Therefore, one of the rules of such conversations is not to talk to a man on the phone for more than 3-5 minutes.
So you win on three points at once:
- — Don’t seem like an obsessive chatterbox;
- — You remain mysterious;
- - This makes it possible to see how much a fan is interested in you, because even in 3-5 minutes, having learned that you are “a little busy,” he will have time to invite you to a personal meeting.
A short telephone conversation will tell the gentleman that you have something to do, that you value time and do not use it for empty chatter.
What to wear?2
What to wear - this question torments girls every day, and on this day it becomes especially relevant. Of course, the first meeting with a man requires you to look your best. It is necessary to think through your image to the smallest detail, but not to overdo it. When choosing an outfit, you need to take into account the location where the meeting will take place. If, for example, you are invited to a rock bar, it is unlikely that a floor-length dress will look appropriate.
If you are counting on a long-term relationship, then immediately discard all vulgar outfits and give up bright war paint, giving preference to discreet and natural makeup. Pay attention to your shoes. It should be convenient and comfortable. If your man is not much taller than you, then avoid very high heels so as not to put him in an awkward position. Be as natural as possible and everything will be fine.
How to keep a man interested
It is not so difficult to take a man captive as to then feed him in captivity for the rest of his life.
Having received the desired attention, it is not enough to think that he is now yours forever. A man by nature is a hunter. Now imagine that this hunter came into the forest, and a beautiful young fox runs out to meet him and begins to rub against his legs - “well, kill me, please, hunter!” Such behavior will cause him bewilderment, fear and thoughts that the fox is mad, it is better not to mess with it. Therefore, maintain the idea that you need to be constantly conquered. But then don’t stand aside - take care, show attention, praise. Let him feel that you can’t do anything without a man’s help: the bags are heavy, the light bulb burns out, and opening jars is a real hell.
Tell him more often how smart you are, how lucky he is to have you.
As a joke, of course. Over time, the source from which the information came will be forgotten, and the confidence that you are the best will remain in the background. Compliment your man. And don't be afraid of being misunderstood or overdoing it. They love to listen to pleasant things and, if they notice outright flattery, they will not point it out. Surprise and pamper your hero. A note in his pocket, his favorite dish, a massage, various pleasant little things. If you are not interested in a man’s life, he becomes withdrawn and ultimately indifferent. Don't wear your pride like a crown, participate in your partner's life and you will be happy.
How not to behave with a man
There are a number of rules that are unacceptable for a lady in communicating with a man. They act like a red rag to a bull and work against you.
7.1. Claim that he owes you
No one owes nothing to nobody. Everything should happen “out of love.” Giving is for love, spending is for love. Another person cannot owe you anything. This is a violation of personal boundaries and his birthright freedom. If he wants, he will do everything himself. Thinking like that is new and scary, I understand. And this does not at all fit into the traditional opinion, where a man is a priori obliged, because he is strong. Remember what advice Woland gave to Margarita: “Never ask for anything!.. They will offer it themselves and give everything themselves!”
7.2. Let him be the first
He’ll come up, call, do it. This is how the conservative attitude “I’m a girl” emanates.
Sometimes taking initiative is good and healthy
. A man is a simple person who cannot read your thoughts. Therefore, if you wait and sulk, without making it clear what you want, you risk not getting it.
7.3. Criticize, hysteria, ignore his wishes
Even if you don't like something, there are different ways to communicate it. One of the rules of dispute: first find something to praise and agree with, then make a claim. Do not under any circumstances insult a person (anyone) in a quarrel.
When solving a problem, talk about the problem without getting personal.
Respect your man's wishes. He has the right not to go to the theater or visit your friend if he doesn’t want to. Just like you have the right not to go fishing with him if you don’t like it. Violence against yourself does not strengthen relationships. It creates the conditions for a victim position, grievances and subsequent reproaches.
7.4. Forget about yourself, adapt, expect gratitude
Remain a whole person in any relationship.
Don't lose yourself in your partner, don't try to become more comfortable or sacrificial.
Don't expect him to appreciate it and understand what gold he got. In 99% of cases, he won’t appreciate it.
Therefore, give what you want to give, take care according to your capabilities and your understanding. Otherwise, one day it will lead to that same phrase about the best years of your life.
7.5. Hint and take offense
If you want something, say it directly. This will save time and nerve cells. His and yours. Due to their thinking, men do not understand hints.
The phrase that you are out of perfume is just information. But the phrase - that you need new perfume - is a call to action.
The way to solve the problem.
Funny, interesting and original topics for conversation with any guy
These usually arise spontaneously: they are born from jokes, from events lived together, stem from dialogue that was not intended to be funny or original.
You can point at them:
- Imagine which book or movie character you would be
- If you had a superpower, what would it be? And which one would you like?
- Find a topic that you are not well versed in, and come up with your own details, details, and stories about it. For example, you know nothing about the Dutch - put together their mentality, habits, characteristics
- Discuss funny incidents from childhood
- Make prophecies from what is happening around you: it is raining in the sun - to a bright and full life, a yard cat has changed its direction of movement - to warming. Don't explain, just make it up
- When in a crowded place, try to respond to the remarks of passers-by, preferably to do it funny.
