External factors of change
People change under the influence of their social environment and environmental conditions. We unwittingly adopt the habits and manners of those with whom we often communicate. Close people can even finish each other’s sentences and say something at the same time.
Although these factors are usually classified as external, they are associated with internal personality characteristics: suggestibility and the mechanism of imitation. We strive to conform to the reference group, the authority figure. And copying someone’s habits is the easiest way to get closer and be liked.
Those people who have not yet made their own decisions in life, have not revealed their personal potential, and have not understood themselves are more susceptible to external influences. As a rule, these are children, adolescents and infantile adults. This category of people can change for the sake of someone. But it should not be just someone, but a person they respect.
Why people don't change: psychology
There are several reasons why a person is resistant to change.
Why people don't change, psychology:
- His reluctance. An individual is absolutely comfortable living in such a situation and promoting a certain lifestyle.
- The person feels very weak. He does not have enough strength to carry out some changes, since they are associated with a certain job.
- The environment and surroundings hold a person back, preventing him from changing. In fact, this reason is not so important, since changes occur due to the desire of the person himself, and not the environment. But the environment can affect some features of human behavior. For example, a woman wants to lose weight, but spends time in the company of relatives and friends whose remote control beeps. They are used to eating unhealthy food. Accordingly, in such an environment it is very difficult to go on a diet or join a gym. Because everything around us is different. It is necessary to gradually change the environment and do what is convenient for you. Of course, under no circumstances should you break off relations with your relatives and friends. However, try to reduce your interactions with them. Communicate with them only when there is no risk of you breaking down. Over time, when you lose weight, you find like-minded people, perhaps some of your relatives will be inspired by your example, and they will also want to change.
- The main reason for fear of change is the fear of what others will think when you start to change. People who are self-confident, even somewhat selfish, always change much faster and more effectively than people with weak character.
- Weak willpower. Very often, after several failures, a person gives up his idea. Although it is necessary to develop your willpower and character, try to achieve your dream an unlimited number of times.
- No severe pain. After a certain shock, a person is able to change. In comfortable conditions, the desire for change may not arise.
- Not knowing where to start. The hardest thing to start a transformation is to set your goals. Therefore, at the initial stage of change, it is necessary to clearly build an action plan and understand what you want from yourself. It is very difficult to change if there is no understanding of how to do it, for what reason.
Argument
Internal factors
Internal factors include human nature. From birth, people are endowed with different mental properties, temperament, inclinations and qualities. With successful socialization, there is a gradual disclosure of potential, maturation and development that corresponds to the essence and nature of a particular person. The need for self-determination, self-realization and self-actualization is the main internal force for change.
In this case, people change for something or after something. For example, when they understand that their previous lifestyle is harmful to them and spoils their health. Or when they understand that the desired profession and standard of living lacks certain qualities, habits, and skills.
What is temperament
The doctrine of temperaments originated in the period of Antiquity and was supplemented with the development of human civilization.
Temperament is a stable individual set of psychophysiological qualities of an individual, manifested in behavior and activity.
Temperament determines:
- pace of thinking and perception,
- concentration,
- emotionality,
- susceptibility,
- willpower,
- ease of changing occupation,
- rhythm and duration of activity,
- locus of control and other personality traits.
Temperament types: melancholic, choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic.
Temperament is predetermined by the type of higher nervous activity and congenital characteristics. The physiology of the brain determines the psyche and characteristics of temperament.
The set of characteristics of the nervous system gives rise to one of four types of higher nervous activity:
- unbalanced strong type - choleric,
- balanced, active, strong - sanguine,
- balanced inert strong - phlegmatic,
- weak type - melancholic.
Temperament has positive and negative characteristics. Usually people have a mixed type of temperament, with one type predominant.
For example, if a person is 45% melancholic, 25% phlegmatic, 20% sanguine, 10% choleric, then they say that he has a melancholic temperament.
These qualities from birth are supplemented by character traits acquired in the process of upbringing and development and form the individual’s individuality.
Change and willpower
External factors act as external motivation. It is less stable than intrinsic motivation. Making changes for someone else is less likely to succeed than making changes for oneself, for personal well-being and harmony, or after traumatic life events.
Thus, treatment of alcoholism or drug addiction will be more successful if a person who has received an overdose is afraid, admits the problem and agrees to full rehabilitation. Alcoholics rarely change for family, friends, employer or loved one. There can be only one exception: without this person, the addict is much worse off; he literally cannot survive without him.
Motivation is more important than willpower. But changes largely depend on it. The formulation “do people change for the sake of or after something” already suggests that we are talking about a person’s conscious work on himself. Only with the help of complex and long-term work on themselves do people get rid of indecisiveness, rudeness, naivety, isolation, talkativeness, aggressiveness, etc.
You probably noticed that all of the above are character qualities. Yes, a person’s character is most amenable to change. And the phrase “I have such a character” is an excuse for laziness. Character, values, attitudes, beliefs, habits, patterns of behavior can be changed. Yes. This is hard. Therefore, strong motivation and a specific goal are the main condition for success.
Do people change for the sake of their loved ones: psychology
Relationships between people always seem very complex. Sometimes girls meet young men who do not meet their idea of an ideal man. In such conditions, a woman begins to change a man, or try to do so. Which often becomes the reason for the breakdown of relationships and a large number of divorces. This does not mean that a person is not able to change. A man is capable of transforming beyond recognition, however, under certain conditions.
Do people change for the sake of their loved ones, psychology:
- There is a category of women who live with rude, oppressive men with sadistic tendencies. Such men are capable of throwing hysterics, shaking their nerves, and raising their hands against a woman. A relationship is established between a man and a woman, where she is the victim, and he is the pursuer or maniac. In this case, the woman gives her energy to the man, and he feeds on it. In order for such a man to change, changes are necessary in the psychology and perception of the woman herself.
- It is necessary for the victim to stop giving energy to the man, she is tired of the role of the victim, she is tired of living in such a relationship. The woman gives the man an ultimatum and says that she is leaving. However, you should not manipulate, a huge number of women do this. You can’t play the “go away” game, as it will soon stop working, and it’s not a fact that it will work the first time. You need to be decisive and change yourself.
- It is necessary that in her soul the woman wants to stop dating this man and live as before. Only in such cases is a man able to change. There are also two options for the development of events. Due to the woman’s changes and her reluctance to give energy, the man changes, his worldview and attitude are transformed.
Sometimes a man does not want to change, but the relationship in the old version is no longer possible, and the couple breaks up. In approximately 80% of cases, the relationship breaks down. Only 20% of couples actually change for each other. This applies not only to men, but also to women.
Relax
Changes and genetics
Not everything in a person can be changed. For example, psychotype and temperament cannot be changed. But you can correct those qualities that seem undesirable. It is almost impossible to change what is genetically inherent in a person. For example, abilities, inclinations and individual predispositions to something.
But it is important to understand that inclinations only push and pull a person towards something. Behavior depends on the individual himself and the environment that surrounds him. We decide for ourselves which of our inclinations to indulge and which to keep under control.
It is also interesting that in every person there is something like a computer program. Talents and inclinations manifest themselves strictly at the time when this should happen. If you try to develop something in yourself earlier, nothing will work. It is important not to stop analyzing your own development, tracking sensitive periods for favorable changes and working on yourself. Not all qualities and abilities are noticeable in childhood; for example, the talent of an artist can manifest itself by the age of 20-30.
Some researchers believe that even traits such as irritability and sociability, and the ability to build and maintain close relationships, are inherited. The ability to overcome stress or adapt is also genetic, but this can also be developed if desired.
And even the ability to change itself has a genetic component. Not all people are naturally endowed with great potential for change. But this only means that changing yourself will be a little more difficult than for those who are endowed with different genetics.
Do people change in relationships?
People change in relationships, and these changes may not be initially noticeable. Indeed, family is the closest people who surround a person.
Do people change in relationships?
- The habits of a spouse can significantly affect the psychology of another person, changing it. That is why colossal changes are often observed, as a result of which a person changes, both for the better and for the worse.
- Although in 70% of cases changes occur for the worse. People usually tend to adopt negative traits from each other. This is why people in marriage often change not for the better, but, on the contrary, copy the character traits of their partner. However, the opposite situation also exists, this happens in couples in which there are very strong feelings and affection for each other.
- People are ready to change for each other, completely transforming their way of life. It becomes a habit and we notice positive changes in some people's lives. First of all, this happens due to strong feelings that overpower a person’s desire to do as is convenient for him.
- It is necessary to ensure that a person’s desire to change becomes a priority. This is very difficult to do. If partners do not have feelings or strong attachment, then no changes will occur. At the initial stage, there may be promises that will lead nowhere. A person is able to change only if he is strongly attached or loves.
Internal struggle
What shapes a person's character?
The study of personality psychology is based on the relationship between such qualities as agreeableness, conscientiousness, extraversion, nervousness and openness to experience. The so-called Big Five Model forms the basis of human personality. For several decades, scientists from the University of Houston studied the behavior of 440 American high school students. They paid more attention to how the character and behavior of the experiment participants changed over the course of five decades.
We managed to find out that people change with age. How and why does this happen? A question concerning several aspects. But one thing is true - over the years a person becomes more conscientious, friendly and emotionally stable. It’s worth making a small correction here: if a 10-year-old boy was the most conscientious among his peers, then at 60 he will be distinguished by excessive cordiality.
Don't you know how people change with age? It turns out that some people do this to a much greater extent. So, among 100 people, approximately 40% change, and very much. The remaining 60% are relatively stable individuals.
