How to understand that you are being deceived: 8 sure signs

Incredible facts

Everyone always lies.

The ability to deceive is an ability that is inherent in human nature.
Throughout our lives we deceive even ourselves
.

Lie

can be harmless, sometimes even to our salvation: we deliberately say the wrong things in order to protect a person close to us from the bitter truth.

But sometimes lies aren't so harmless

. It can seriously harm someone and lead to trouble.

To minimize the possible negative consequences of someone's lies, learn to recognize a liar.

Here are the main signs

indicating that there is
a liar in front of you
:

Everyone lies

As D.I. Fonvizin said, “Thank God that there are no duties on lies! After all, there would be ruin for all of us.” We make time every day, yes, and so do you! Consciously or not is a secondary question, as well as from what motives this occurs.

Our own parents teach us to lie from childhood, when they instill rules of behavior in society. And in society it is customary to hide your feelings. “Stop whining,” “be patient,” “be strong,” “I don’t want to go there either, but what should I do?” So we gradually learn to lie to ourselves and others that we are always fine. And if this is superimposed on the demands of parents. It is naive to believe that by hitting a child and not explaining the reasons for your dissatisfaction, you will wean him off bad behavior. In fact, you teach him to do the same, but carefully, seasoned with a good portion of lies. Gradually, the ability to substitute emotions becomes more and more common, and we practice deceiving other people.

Interesting fact: men are better liars than women. Perhaps this is due to the biological characteristic of the fair sex to be overly emotionally involved in communications. When deceived, their emotional involvement becomes even greater, which betrays the lie.

So, everyone lies. If this fact does not scare you, and you are still ready to become a “clairvoyant,” then you can safely read on.

"Fixed" eyes

Psychologists are sure that a frozen gaze is a sign that a person is telling a lie. To check this, just ask your interlocutor to remember some detail. If he continues to look straight and does not blink, most likely you cannot trust him. In the case when the opponent answers the question posed without thinking or changing the position of his eyes, one can suspect him of insincerity. When the number of blinks increases, this indicates that the person feels uncomfortable and wants to distance himself from the outside world.

But determining lies by the eyes in this way is not fair in the case when the events occurred ten to fifteen minutes ago. Also, you should not get hung up on a fixed gaze when a person communicates information that is very important to him, for example, an address or telephone number.

What is a lie

“The most dangerous lie is a slightly twisted truth” - Georg Lichtenberg.

Lying - misleading your interlocutor - is the most primitive way of influencing a person in the process of communication. Due to its structure (motive and action) it cannot exist outside of human consciousness and social contacts.

Despite the worldwide disapproval of lying as such, every person recognizes its advantages. I think it’s unlikely that any of you would refuse “positive deception.” We are all familiar with the phenomenon of “white lies”, silence about health problems, and difficulties in life. The phenomenon of lying has as much to do with ethics and morality as it does with psychology.

Have you ever said “if my memory serves me right”, “I could be wrong”, being sure of what you want to say, or simply deliberately planning to voice a distorted fact, citing forgetfulness (“it will work or not”). I'm sure I had to. And this can also be considered a lie.

Four directions of the world

When thinking about how to recognize a lie by the eyes, you can observe which direction the interlocutor is looking. If his gaze is directed to the right, then he is deceiving. When people look up and straight, it means that at that moment they are coming up with a picture or image for themselves. To imagine sounds or a phrase, a person will look to the right and straight ahead. When the script is ready, the deceiver will look to the right and down. But these rules only apply if the person is right-handed. A left-hander has the opposite eye position when lying.

If the gaze quickly moves from one object to another, then this is also a reason to think about how to determine a lie by the eyes.

Types and forms of lies

There are two main forms of lying:

• misrepresentation of facts;
• withholding information.

The first type, in turn, is divided into total, situational-total, situational-partial lies, distorted generalization and invention (disinformation, rumors and gossip).

• Total distortion involves constant lying. Complete distortion of any facts.
• A situational total lie involves a complete distortion of information, but not always, but in specific conditions.
• Situational partial lies involve periodic lies, often based on established authority and trust.
• Distorted generalization is a favorite method of liars. Two real facts are taken, but, contrary to all logic, they are reduced to a third completely incorrect statement.
• Disinformation is not so much distortion as it is the making up of false information about someone or something.

The problem of silence as a form of lying has begun to be viewed differently in recent years. This is due to the close contact between silence and secrecy, the human right to something personal. In light of this, some modern psychologists suggest not viewing silence as a form of lying.

There is a concept of professional secrecy. What should we do then? What to do if two ethical forces collide: secrecy, that is, the concealment of information determined by the professional code, and lies as a vice of society? All this suggests the relativity and ambiguity of lies.

By the way, if a person simply remains silent, then you are unlikely to suspect anything. Unless some non-verbal signs make themselves felt. But lies are a product of communication; to create them you need to talk.

Important clarification

Before you accuse someone, take a closer look at their behavior. If a person constantly sends the signals listed above, it is not at all necessary that this is a pathological liar. Perhaps he is simply fidgety by nature or suffers from ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).

The situation can be the opposite: someone is lying to you, but does not show the described signs. Psychopaths may behave this way because they do not feel guilty or bothered by the deception. Fortunately, we can calculate them too.

Favorable and unfavorable conditions for lying

It is believed that it is easier for high-status people to lie, since they develop an inherently trusting attitude. The same is true for successful and beautiful people. Another interesting fact is that men are better at recognizing male lies, and women are better at recognizing female lies.

There are certain conditions that predispose to the success of deception or, on the contrary, doom it to failure, respectively, contributing to the exposure of the liar. All conditions can be divided into three groups: for lying, for a liar, for a verifier (one who recognizes a lie). See the tables below (material based on the work of P. Ekman).

Signs of lying by gestures

Fidgeting and nervousness

We can all feel restless or a little nervous from time to time. But if the nervousness of your interlocutor is too obvious, then this may be a clear sign that this is a liar.

While fidgeting, he can perform many different actions, indicating that the person is currently lying.

For example, a liar straightens his clothes, loosens his tie, fiddles with jewelry, tucks locks of hair behind his ear, wipes his glasses, fidgets with his fingers, cleans his nails, straightens his notebook, twirls a pencil, or wipes sweat from his forehead.

All these actions and some others indicate that the person is currently uncomfortable due to the fact that he is telling a lie.

Personality characteristics of a liar

A liar is afraid of being exposed. Therefore, all his actions are permeated with fear and accompanying emotions, and accordingly, the signs will be similar.

“No, he does not have a deceitful look, his eyes do not lie. They say truthfully that their owner is a rogue.” - Robert Burns.

Nonverbal signs of lying

Among nonverbal signs, behavioral and psychophysiological signs can be distinguished.

Behavioral

This group of the most obvious and difficult to control signs. I recommend paying attention to them first.

• Increased gesticulation.
• Touching your face and lips with your palm.
• Manipulations with small objects (pen).
• Contradiction between verbal and nonverbal information. For example, verbal agreement combined with shaking the head from side to side.
• External changes in the eyes (enlargement, narrowing, changes in the visible space of the eyeball).
• Changing the direction of view. It is believed that looking down symbolizes sadness, to the side - disgust, down and to the side - guilt and shame. This information is so well known that it is considered an elementary school for liars. A more or less experienced liar will always look straight into the eyes or look away where he wants.
• Changing the gestures of the non-working hand (for most people, the left hand, if they are right-handed). Depending on a person’s individual norm, gestures become less or more frequent.
• The accompaniment of speech with illustrations, images drawn in the air (emphasis, underlining, circle, wave, and so on) is reduced.

Emblems

Emblems are specific stamps in communication that do not require words. We all know what a middle finger or a shrug combined with a horseshoe smile and eyebrow distortion, a thumbs up or a ring of thumb and index finger means.

• Sometimes the liar accidentally leaks an element of the emblem. For example, one shoulder is raised or only a horseshoe smile.
• The second option for seepage is a change in position. Usually the emblems are shown straight ahead at chest and waist level. When leaking, the emblem may move to the side, up, and so on. Even placing the index finger on the face may be a distorted version of the third finger emblem.

Emblems are the most accurate, but most rarely leaked sign of lies.

Hands

Hand changes as signs of insincerity include:

• nature of movements (smooth, sharp, normal);
• resting position (tense, relaxed);
• standing position when talking (in pockets, scratching hair, clenching fists);
• changing the usual pockets for a person (for example, he always puts his hands in his trousers pocket, but here he puts them in his jacket);
• supporting the head with your hand;
• resting your elbows on the table;
• covering the eyes with the hand or the force of the eye muscles;
• if the latter is a person’s habit, then you need to watch when he does it;
• tapping the table with your fingers;
• a situation that causes finger tapping (thoughts, anger);
• any other non-standard gestures and actions for a person.

Legs

The same information applies to the legs. If a person performs unusual actions with his feet, then perhaps he is lying. It is worth paying attention:

• on the movements of the active leg;
• the desire to walk in one step;
• crossing legs over legs (which one is on top?);
• in what situations does a person cross his legs;
• does the overlap of the legs change;
• step speed;
• position of the legs and the whole body when interested during a conversation (leans back or leans forward, stretches out the legs or tucks them in);
• rocking on tiptoes;
• other individual habits and behavioral characteristics.

It is worth paying attention to the characteristics described above. But! Changes in these elements need to be analyzed in relation to the individual norm and habits of a person. For example, your friend always taps his fingers when he is angry, and in your conversation, although he mentioned that the situation makes him angry, he did not take a characteristic action - he is probably lying and is not really angry. And another person, in principle, does not have the habit of tapping his fingers or taps with a different emotion, respectively, and the interpretation of his behavior (truth-lies) will be different. Everything is individual.

Appearance

The discrepancy between words and appearance is another sign of deception. It’s easier to notice when a person “becomes poor” in words, but his hands are all in gold. If a person bought an expensive suit with his last money in order to later create the image of a respectable person and deceive people, it is more difficult.

It is worth understanding that, like all signs, this one is subjective. And even if we talk about poverty-wealth, then everyone has their own understanding of the phrase “no money.” For some, this is really the last hundred in their wallet, and for others, the remaining tens of thousands. Therefore, a person in his imagination may well be telling the truth. Nevertheless, it is always worth paying attention to the appearance and its correspondence to the words and image.

Psychophysiological signs

• Pupil dilation.
• Frequent blinking.
• Microexpressions on the face. A skilled liar knows how to masterfully hide emotions and feelings and replace them with others. But no matter how strong self-control is, true emotions will always make themselves felt for a couple of seconds. The question is whether you will notice them.
• Blurry facial expressions (the liar understands that unwanted truthful emotions are leaking out and quickly covers it with false ones).
• Rapid breathing, visible rise of the chest.
• Nervous swallowing or coughing, scratching.
• Sweating or dry mouth, redness or paleness.
• Tears. For a skilled liar, this is not impossible. At the right moment, he will easily moisten his eyes.

Emotions

Russian biologist I.M. Sechenov determined that each of the basic emotions has its own muscle. It determines the facial expression (see the table below; material is borrowed from the book by A. N. Tarasov “Recognize a liar. How to recognize deception”).

A sign of deception is the untimely appearance of an emotion, the sudden appearance or disappearance, or facial asymmetry during any emotion. A person cannot consciously control equal contraction of all the necessary muscles. Sometimes these are microscopic disorders, but they are there.

If you notice that a person is trying to depict something from a table, but the muscles are contracted unevenly, then there is a high probability that he is a liar. In addition to asymmetry, Paul Ekman identified the characteristic features of some false emotions:

• Fear is the absence of true signs in the forehead area (eyebrows should be raised and moved).
• Sadness – absence of signs in the forehead area (the inner corners of the eyebrows are raised upward).
• Joy – the eye muscles are not involved.
• Enthusiasm or interest in the topic of conversation - ill-timed illustrations or insufficient numbers of them.
• Negative emotions – scanty manipulations (with the body, objects), unchanged psychophysiological indicators (does not sweat, does not breathe deeply, and so on).

Verbal signs

The woman shows the emblem. Think: what else do you see in the picture?

Speech

• Uncertainty of answers and avoidance of them.
• Unfounded judgments. Lack of facts and arguments.
• Slow speech, pauses. A person tries to remember everything that he lied.
• An inept liar often makes slips of the tongue, makes mistakes, and presents the material illogically.
• Frequent use of interjections (“uh”, “nuuuu”, “sooo”).
• Careless statements. This happens in 85-93% of cases. If a liar does not read from a piece of paper, then he pays little attention to the content of the speech.

Intonation (paralinguistic)

• Increasing the tone of voice, volume, and rate of speech while hiding anger or fear.
• Opposite reactions, that is, depression when trying to hide sadness.

It should be understood that any of the described signs is relative. When uncovering lies, it is important to take into account the characteristics of the person sitting in front of you and be well aware of how he looks and behaves in everyday life. Sometimes incoherent, illogical speech and its paralinguistic features are a sign of underdevelopment of the communicative sphere, excitement, fatigue, chaotic thinking, and not lies. Or, telling the truth, a person is afraid to look him in the eyes because of self-doubt, and when he lies, on the contrary, he looks straight. Dilated pupils, sweating, cold extremities also do not necessarily mean a lie.

Psychology is an inexact science. There is not and cannot be any general scheme for solving the problem. Signs of lying are no exception.

Why do people lie

Why do people lie several times a day? Everyday lies are not gross deception, but the concealment of insignificant information, this is a lie “in small things.” Everyone wants to appear better and does not want to spoil relationships with others.

A significant and significant lie is always associated with some situation that is significant for the individual. It can destroy the personality structure and ruin the life of an individual.

A person who is dishonest with himself and others is forced to live in constant tension from the need to hide the truth. The truth will sooner or later be revealed, and the revealed deception will entail a lot of negative consequences.

Scientists have two main versions of why people deliberately lie, even when they understand that deception will not lead to anything good:

1. Fear. Why does a person lie? Because he is afraid to tell the truth, even if he cannot admit it to himself.
2. The belief in the necessity of lying. An individual can be sure that it is better for the interlocutor not to know the truth, since it is difficult to accept, understand, and experience.

Unfortunately, people are accustomed to deceiving each other, but a shameless lie is not a normal phenomenon, but an immoral act.

Every child is taught from childhood to speak only the truth and tell their parents everything. But the baby still learns to lie over time, looking at adults. Children easily detect inconsistencies in the words and actions of adults and soon understand that lies can be used as a way to achieve what they want.

Unless a person is a habitual liar who takes delight and pleasure in deception, he will feel negative emotions and feelings when telling a lie. Lying creates shame, fear, and guilt for making the decision to deceive someone and carrying out that action.

Telling and experiencing a lie is a stressful situation. Negative emotions during a lie are exciting in the literal and figurative sense of the word; physiological changes begin to occur in the body, expressing excitement. The brain sends nerve impulses to the muscles, which cause nonverbal and verbal manifestations of deception that are noticeable to others.

Recommendations for more successful lie detection

If you want to maximize the accuracy of your observations, I recommend adhering to the following rules:

1. Speak the same language as the potential liar (slang, everyday communication, professional terminology).
2. Take into account the intellectual abilities and profession of the person on the contrary.
3. Express your thoughts as accurately as possible. No hints or “meaning”.
4. Ensure unity in dialogue (topic, direction, speech).
5. Maintain logic in the presentation of your speeches.
6. Concentrate all your attention on the information and behavior of your partner.
7. Be objective, avoid stereotypes and bias.
8. Take into account the psychological characteristics of the opponent, especially the properties of the psyche (temperament). It is healthy to evaluate his ability to perceive your information.
9. Do not limit the liar in time.
10. Don't talk about the conversation in advance (don't give time to prepare).
11. Stop attempts to switch to other topics.
12. Exclude from the conversation all strangers who are not on your side.

In order to find out individual reactions in the process of lying, you can first ask your opponent several questions to which you know the answers. Or go tricky and offer a game of “True or False.” Your goal is to identify the individual characteristics of a person’s behavior and speech, when he tells the truth and when he lies.

Deception always leaks out, but through different channels, often in succession through several. Detecting lies is an art that requires a huge amount of practice, attention and observation. If you learn to investigate and observe, you won't need to know the signs of lying. You will be able to create your own description of “telling the truth” and “lying” for each person.

It is always worth remembering that observation and even the polygraph, beloved by many, records a person’s excitement, and not a lie. You notice the person’s unpreparedness, the lack of thought in his words. But it happens that before a serious, subjectively significant conversation, we actually come up with words and then try to remember them. Or vice versa - we had the courage to admit something, but it’s difficult to find the words. All reactions are individual and relative.

It is almost impossible to find out what exactly a person is hiding. But identifying contradictions in what he says and what he feels is real. Recognizing lies (emotions) is a complex art that requires many pages of text and your practice, therefore it is impossible to cover all the subtleties within the framework of one article, just as it is impossible to learn to recognize deception after reading one source.

“It would seem that lying is a simple matter and accessible to everyone, and yet I have never seen a liar who successfully lied three times in a row,” Jonathan Swift.

How to spot a liar

He covers his lips or covers his mouth

When a person cheats, they often touch the face, especially the mouth area. Such movements are performed on a subconscious level, as if the liar is trying to hide any further conversation about something.

If his hand covers his mouth

- This is an absolutely clear sign of deception.

He looks closely and for a long time at his interlocutor

This is classic behavior from a liar who is very likely deliberately trying to deceive you. It is likely that a liar will look at the interlocutor for a long time and intently, without blinking.

Thus, the liar wants to deflect any suspicion from himself and demonstrate real honesty.

However, statistics tell a different story:

According to studies, people who tell the truth maintain eye contact for a little more than half of the entire conversation. While a liar will stare at you throughout almost the entire conversation.

He blinks quickly

Another situation may arise: people who feel uncomfortable blink faster and more often. As a rule, a liar blinks 5-6 times in a row .

.

This reaction may be a manifestation of stress. There is another explanation for such frequent blinking: it is quite possible that this is a sign that the person telling a lie is trying to be more convincing.

One way or another, you should pay close attention to the person who is blinking frequently. This may be a signal that they are trying to deceive you.

Literature on the topic

Study the psychology of emotions, then you will be able to grasp the true states of a liar. The following books will help you with this:

1. Carroll Izard, Psychology of Emotions.
2. A. N. Tarasov “Recognize a liar! How to recognize deception: 12 practical tips."
3. A. N. Tarasov “A born liar. Me or you?".
4. D. Novarro, M. Karlins “I see what you are thinking.”
5. B. King "The Lying Monkey: An Honest Guide to the World of Deception."
6. Paul Ekman, The Psychology of Lying. Fool me if you can." I especially recommend this book. It examines in detail each of the emotions (description, illustrations). The entire phenomenon of lies and its recognition “from start to finish” is described, rules and safety precautions are given (that relativity I was talking about).

How to recognize a liar in communication

He uses pointing gestures

Liars gesticulate actively. This can be expressed either physically or verbally. Thus, they try to distract the interlocutor from their lies, focusing his attention on another topic.

He may also be trying to shift the blame and protect himself. The liar moves his finger and becomes aggressive.

All this proves that a person who tells a lie feels that he can be caught in a lie and tries to distract his interlocutor to the last.

Blushes like a young lady

When people lie, their blood pressure usually rises and their pulse quickens, because to one degree or another the liar experiences stress: he must come up with something plausible on the spot. Knowing about this feature of the human body, investigators during interrogations often use a device called a “polygraph” - it takes blood pressure and heart rate readings when the suspect answers questions. Deviation from the norm is a reason to seriously doubt a person’s sincerity. But you probably don’t have a lie detector lying around among your kitchen utensils. Therefore, pay attention to your partner’s breathing - if it becomes faster, this is a sign that the man’s pulse is “jumping.” By the way, the desire to loosen or remove your tie during an “interrogation” also indicates a lack of air.

However, your conversation can take place in an informal setting, and, dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt, the liar will not be able to give himself away by nervously fiddling with his tie. In this case, this wardrobe detail will be replaced by his skin: when the pressure rises and the blood rushes to the face, a blush appears in the cheekbone area.

Intonation and smile

When the other person is deceiving, his speech and intonation will change. The voice may tremble, and words are spoken more slowly or, conversely, faster. Some people experience hoarseness or high notes slipping through. If the interlocutor is shy, he may start to stutter.

A smile can also reveal insincerity. Many people smile a little when they tell a lie. The interlocutor should be wary if the smile is completely inappropriate. This facial expression allows you to slightly hide awkwardness and excitement. But this does not apply to cheerful people who always try to smile.

Psychology of communication

Our communication consists of several elements that can be divided into two broad categories:

• verbal communication;
• non-verbal communication.

Verbal communication plays a small role in conversation; it is the words we speak. Nonverbal communication takes up the lion's share of communications. This includes:

• facial expressions;
• movements;
• gestures;
• gait;
• pose;
• speech volume;
• timbre, etc.

As has already become clear, nonverbal communication is communication using body language. It is thanks to him that we can answer the following question: “How can you tell if a person is lying?”

Frightened facial expression

A person who deceives is always afraid of being exposed. Therefore, during a conversation, he may have a slightly frightened expression on his face. But only an experienced psychologist will be able to distinguish it from ordinary embarrassment in front of an unfamiliar person or an unusual situation.

Eyes are not the only indicator of a lie. When analyzing the behavior of your interlocutor, it is worth assessing the full picture: paying attention to gestures, posture and facial expressions. Any information about a person will be useful in order to correctly match the words and the “picture”. Therefore, you should not make hasty conclusions.

Facial muscle tension

If you look at your opponent very carefully, you can figure out whether he is cheating or not. It will be revealed by micro-tension of the facial muscles, which lasts for several seconds. No matter how “stony” the interlocutor speaks, instant tension is still inevitable.

The deceiver is revealed not only by the position of the eyes when lying, but also by uncontrolled involuntary movements of the skin and other parts of the face. The most common include: quivering lips, rapid blinking, or changes in skin color.

How to hide your lies

This is enough. You “just” need to believe in it yourself, at least for a couple of minutes, and then neither your eyes, nor your hands, nor your face will betray you. Perhaps they will be able to expose you to a lie after checking your statement, but believe me, the reason for this verification will clearly not be your behavior during the conversation.

To believe your lies, you need to carefully craft them. Think through the whole situation you want to present, or better yet, create a fantasy in which you place yourself in it and think about what your decisions will be. The more carefully and closer to reality you can think through a lie, the better. Now you should repeat it to yourself so many times so that you believe in it, so that you form, as it were, 2 memories of one event - the present and. Another real one. It's difficult and can take hours, or even better, days, but if you really need to hide something, this is the best way.

Another option is to meticulously study the very factors that determine lies and practice for a long time, persistently, not to activate the triggers described in them.

It will take you several months, or even years, but you will be able to skillfully lie on the fly, and your body language will seem normal to most people.

Who lies more often, men or women?

Who is stronger - an elephant or a whale? Here. Everyone lies, and they lie all the time, regardless of gender characteristics or age. Even young children who are not even in school yet are already trying to learn the art of deception. And it's a nice sight.

But, if we generalize the situation, we will get something like this: men more often lie about events or actions (“Guys, I caught such a fish yesterday!!!”), and women lie about the emotions they experience (“Well, what?” you, Lisa, I’m not at all angry that you came to this party in the same dress!”).

The overall frequency of lying depends only on how often they talk about these things and is highly individual.