Each of us was once passionately in love. The object of your adoration was constantly in your thoughts, you tried to look better, cook something tasty, tell something interesting, give some pleasant little thing... In general, this is a feeling of exciting love, or maybe it wasn’t love, but just just love? Many poets and writers sing of love, but all in different ways, somewhere a completely unhappy version, and somewhere with a beautiful ending, when “they lived, lived and died on the same day”... that’s what it’s about! How to determine that this is really love?
True love, what is it?
The question pops up in the minds of women: how to define love and recognize the love of your man?
You can often confuse love with falling in love, love addiction, passion, and, finally, simply with affection for a person. Most often, many people confuse these concepts, and sometimes the long absence of a partner of the opposite sex simply “pushes” you towards each other mistakenly.
It's like you've been starving for a long time and then they just give you “something” to eat. You will happily take this piece, and sometimes something that in “good times” you would not even put in your mouth. Think about it!
What is true love?
Love is a healthy relationship between two individuals. When “I can be without you, but I want to be with you.”
There are no conditions! They don’t like you there because “he cooks well or earns a lot,” they simply love you because this person attracts you as a person and at the same time there is also physical attraction.
You accept this person “wholly” with all his positive and negative sides. You like it when he’s shaved blue, but you also like him with a slight stubble. You like it even when he grumbles and is dissatisfied with something, and you are not annoyed by his driving style, and even when he snores next to you. You gently kiss the top of his head, and he turns over and stops snoring... and a serene smile shines on your face, even at night...
This is exactly the question I have in my Tinder profile description. Depending on the guy’s answer, I decide whether to go on a date. The correct answer is “Solution,” and they answer that way quite rarely. If you’ve thought about feelings, let’s figure out what love is together.
The first time I heard this question was on the TV show “The Bachelor,” where Nikita Dobrynin’s mother asked the girls: “Is love a choice or feelings?” And only one of them answered correctly, which moved the protagonist’s mother to tears. So why is love still the solution?
Feelings and butterflies in the stomach
Infatuation and love are completely different emotional states, but they are so close to each other that they cannot exist separately. It is simply impossible to remove anything from this equation. True love passes through falling in love. But love itself is much more than feelings. It doesn't come easy. The cool attitude that maintains that high feeling is hard work. And love itself consists of several stages.
Falling in love gives us a tart feeling when it takes our breath away from a person. Like on a carousel, you know? Falling in love awakens feelings in us, attraction and the desire to flirt. Everything is coming gradually. First we are filled with thoughts about the person, and then from the touch we catch those same butterflies in our stomach.
We like to kiss the object of our love, think about him and make plans for a wonderful future in our heads. And just at the planning stage, a rational approach to falling in love comes into play. We analyze how suitable this person is for the role of a lifelong partner. Some begin to doubt their feelings - “Is this the right person? Are these feelings real? To find out whether this is the same long-awaited prince, we ask our partner questions:
- When you want children;
- How do you see your life in ten years?
- What is happiness for you;
- Do you love your job?
And millions of other questions, answers that are important to you. And after these answers, you decide to love the person. Develop your relationship further or let him go. For example, what Monica did to her father’s friend Richard in the TV series “Friends”. Monica always really wanted to be a mother, and since Richard is 21 years older and he already has children, she decides to break off the relationship. And he believes that he is already too old to become a father again. For Monica, this decision was very painful, but she made a choice towards maternal feelings. And it is right!
Conscious decision
After the stage of euphoria and continuous vibes, the time for love comes. Yes, that's the time when you stop being embarrassed to go to the restroom at his place. Love is a conscious decision to be together. After you have analyzed everything and answered all your questions. I found out how many children he wants and where he plans to live. Where does he like to travel and doesn’t he listen to that hellish music that you can’t stand.
Love is your choice. And agreement to live with the guy and all his views, values, aspirations. It’s not for nothing that you answer: “Yes.” Love based on conscious choice is stronger. Because you responsibly take a guy as your life partner. You promise yourself and him to be with him when he starts grumbling and is in a bad mood. When he makes you angry and your feelings subside. After all, feelings really do pass over the years. Such love chooses responsibility for the relationship.
Relationships are hard work. Harmonious relationships do not appear out of thin air. In order for you to feel comfortable as a couple, you need to be able to talk, listen, support and help. It’s no longer just butterflies living, but a whole science of how to feed these butterflies. Relationships need to be developed and strengthened. But it will only work with the right person for you.
Right person
Relationships should bring you pleasure. This means that if you have an image of the ideal guy in your head, look for it. Because you live for yourself and your happiness. The person who will be next to you should bring you pleasure.
Think about who you want to see by your side in ten, twenty, fifty years. The person you want to live your life with, grow with, make memories with, travel with, and be a family with. Can you listen to his whining, complaining, laughing and all kinds of stories over and over again? Are you able to support his dreams? And always tell the truth, even if it’s hard? Because this is the most important decision in life. Answer all your questions honestly and decide to live with the person. Make a choice! Love is the solution. Which, of course, is based on feelings. But it determines what your life will be like in ten, twenty, fifty years. Feel responsible for your love. And find the right person before you use the shot.
What you need to look for is not love. And a partner worth your love. The one with whom all your stars align and the prediction of your personal horoscope. Someone who meets your requirements and will look in the same direction as you. Better yet, write down whoever you want somewhere on a piece of paper. So that the brain understands the request better and focuses only on the right guys. Write everything you want to see in your future boyfriend. If great feelings arise, and somewhere in a big question the answer does not match, take Monica’s example. After all, after Richard, she found herself in an ideal relationship with Chandler.
Remember that true love is an equation where you add choice to feelings. One cannot exist without the other. After all, love without feelings cannot be called love at all. And love without a conscious decision is doomed to failure. Look for your man and let one day your heart sing with the words of Zemfira: “You are just like in a dream. Just like in the albums where I painted you with gouache.”
Love! Love like the sun. With warmth and the right person. Which one you chose, like the sun chose the day. May you have the perfect match and the most beautiful love story. You always decide and the responsibility for success lies only with you. Approach your choice of partner consciously, do not forget about feelings and remember that there is still a lot of hard work ahead to make the relationship harmonious. But when you work with love and with an ideal partner, the result is stunning!
Anastasia the Beautiful
Author of the article: Pink.ua
Why and for what do they love?
Sometimes they love in spite of everything, common sense, the slander of relatives, they just love and that’s it, quietly and tenderly, often saying to themselves, “well, how mine he is, this dear and beloved person.” And at the same time your heart skips a beat with happiness!
I remember how one of my friends said that “I even like his hoarse voice when he plays and sings with a guitar”... it’s definitely about love!
One of the men, oh, click, here it is, mine! But this does not always happen, because love is a calm, good feeling and it does not come immediately. With love, the amplitude of vibrations is practically absent, there is simply “everything on top” and EVERYTHING!
Signs of love at first sight. How do you understand that you have fallen in love?
Like other feelings, sympathy affects the nervous and hormonal systems of the body.
If Cupid's arrow hits the heart, the “victim” experiences:
- Sudden hot flashes, sweating, chills, shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, sexual arousal.
- A mixture of shyness and confidence. It’s scary to disappoint and not like it, but at the same time adrenaline gives you faith in your strength.
- A feeling of old acquaintance. A feeling of spiritual kinship is created from the first minute of eye contact.
- I crave intimacy. I want to touch, see, hear my loved one. Out-and-out cynics lose their heads in romantic impulses, workaholics abandon their work. Interested in nothing except the object of love.
- Euphoria, high spirits. I want to share my joy with the whole world.
- Pain comparable to physical pain if the object of affection is indifferent or plays with the feelings of the person in love with him.
Be sure to read:
Unrequited love: what a woman should do, how to survive and get rid of it, the best ways
The active production of specific hormones (serotonin, adrenaline, dopamine, etc.) begins, which act on the brain in a narcotic manner.
Love and infatuation, distinctive features
Falling in love is also a pleasant feeling, but there you rationally separate positive and negative qualities in a person. Bargain with yourself about what you can tolerate and what you can’t.
And if this is love, then everything, absolutely everything, even negative qualities are accepted “without sacrifice”, sometimes they make fun of them, but they accept them and say that he dirty the mirror in the bathroom, throws socks under the chair, but THEN... and so on. This ZATO plays a big role in relationships. You don't find fault with anything. Just love and that’s it, that’s how love is defined.
Flashes of love and constancy of love
When you fall in love, the “flash” happens instantly, but love gradually comes and settles in your soul for a long time. But this takes time; you can’t find out anything about your partner in one day.
The amplitude of fluctuations when falling in love rises in waves, then interest increases, I met him, talked to him, spent time with him, and again I want to be alone. And so every time. Moreover, the frequency of meetings may vary. Heated it up, cooled it down, then warmed it up and cooled it down again!
In love, separation is very difficult to bear; you always want to be close to this person, even if he is just sleeping. You are ready to fly to him across the ocean, no distance scares you.
This feeling of love is well conveyed by Rose and Jack in the film Titanic. And arranged marriage is pushed aside when LOVE comes to the fore!
Creation of love and blindness of passion
Love “moves mountains”, a person improves himself, becomes better, kinder, more joyful, he manages to do everything. Because love is a very creative feeling.
Falling in love gives such qualities, but only for a while. Having become “fed up” with the relationship, irritation sets in with the partner, begins to get boring with everything, and you want loneliness and solitude.
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When you are in love, you yourself do not control your feelings, but your feelings control you. Sometimes one loves, and the other allows himself to be loved. Your values change, you put everything at stake for such love in a relationship.
You stop communicating with your parents, don’t listen to anyone, leave your old friends, break all your promises and change your plans. While you are “blinded” by passion and relationships, “rose-colored glasses” do not allow you to see that life is not changing for the better, but you don’t want to listen to anyone.
Time is the best judge to understand yourself
It is worth sorting out the relationship, but this requires 1 to 3 months, sometimes more, to understand whether this feeling is long-term, or whether everything will end soon.
Romance passes and ordinary everyday life begins, but whether the relationship will continue can only be shown by time, when you eventually realize that you want to be with this person ALWAYS.
SMS messages, flowers for no reason, all sorts of pleasantries, unexpected meetings, hugs, kisses and the warmth of this person will warm you even when he is simply not around. You will always remember him. And miss him...
- Love's quarrel is not a hindrance
The most interesting thing is that quarrels will always end in a truce, or maybe there will be no quarrels at all, just simple misunderstandings. In love they always give in to each other.
But when you fall in love, one often attacks the other and someone will always actively prove that they are right.
- In love everything is common
Falling in love often unites partners only on certain issues, whereas in love partners have absolutely everything in common. Most often they say in conversation that “this is what we have in common.”
And once only your apartment suddenly becomes “our family nest”, you do not divide things into his and yours. It’s just that everything is shared between two people. The value of such relationships increases significantly.
Falling in love does not imply this, there is self-interest, or simply a desire to be with someone, just not alone.
The person talks a lot in front of you
If you always chat with each other, this is a great sign. When communication takes place more on an instinctive level, and we don’t even think about how to respond to a message, this indicates that the level of trust with such a person is extremely high. And your crush may not even imagine his day without talking to you. This behavior means that he definitely has feelings for you.
How to define love and recognize falling in love
Of course, it happens that falling in love develops into love, but for this the person himself must become a little different in the relationship.
A person must “ripe” for love, sometimes this takes several years. At the beginning, in a relationship there may be love, a hormonal surge, a desire to love, everything comes spontaneously and each of us remembers this particular period.
But someday the “rose-colored glasses” fall off, and this is where the partner appears in all his glory. If you don’t push him away at this moment for an “unflattering act” or a mistake, then the relationship can develop into love.
But this doesn't always happen. This is where the period of falling in love ends. You stop idealizing your partner, and what appears before you does not suit you at all. It is here, at this stage, that separation occurs.
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You can define love by how often partners hold hands, it warms them and makes them feel the value of a partner nearby; they usually say that “there is a feeling of a shoulder, a support.”
In love you need trust, recognition, respect, the desire to be close always and everywhere, you are passionate about your partner, you are interested in his affairs, work, you share his hobbies and support him in all his endeavors.
Sometimes you can confuse falling in love or love addiction with love. But there are nonverbal signs that can help you avoid making mistakes in this matter.
Nonverbal signs of love in men
- Touching the object of love
- Sometimes deliberate indifference
- Boundless trust
- Showing interest in the woman you love
- Wants the object of his love to be in his field of vision
- Offer to help in all matters
- Unexpected attention and gifts
Nonverbal signs of love in a woman
- Excessive care and guardianship
- Increased attention to your appearance
- “Eyes burn” at the sight of the object of love
- Confusion and shyness
- Mysterious behavior
- Increased attention to men's affairs
- All sorts of niceties and gifts
- Expression of sexuality
Love is a great feeling of attachment and attraction to a person, object or phenomenon . But love, as professional psychologists have established, can only be felt towards a person of the opposite sex.
Now you know how to define love and recognize falling in love. It is worth examining yourself and your feelings, perhaps this is just a passion that will quickly pass. Don't waste your time and energy on this. You need to look for true love, then you will feel peace and harmony in your soul! We wish you GOOD LUCK in this!
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Actions
If a person loves you, then in response to your confession, he will always reciprocate. He will not hide his gaze from you and avoid answering, but on the contrary, he will show you tenderness and care.
Love cannot be measured with a thermometer, like temperature. It either exists or it doesn’t. Mutual feeling is manifested in human actions. If you really love each other, and are not just wasting your life together, then you will both strive to improve your everyday and financial situation. All your actions and purchases will be discussed together, you will do everything together everywhere and can easily agree.
If you have disputes, then it will not be difficult for you to find a compromise, because when the feeling is mutual. It is easier for you to agree and understand each other without words.
In a relationship where a woman loves, she will always strive for perfection, not only in her appearance, but also in her everyday life. As often as possible, pamper your loved one with delicious dishes, romantic evenings, and most importantly, the warmth and comfort of a home environment.
In response, a loving man will try to make pleasant surprises for his soulmate, be it expensive earrings or a candlelit dinner. He will never put his friends and car first; if you want, he will stay at home with you.
