Often women do not know whether they should compliment a man. My answer: it is necessary. It’s worth praising a man even for little things, such as calling a taxi or giving flowers, and for his abilities and skills. This will motivate him to do more. If you want to understand why and how to compliment him correctly, read the article.
Read on, watch the video and you will find out:
- Do men like compliments?
- How to praise a man correctly?
- Mistakes a woman makes when trying to compliment a man
- What to do if your man doesn't like compliments?
- What words are nice for a man to hear?
- Which men are contraindicated from giving compliments?
- What kind of compliments have a destructive effect on a man?
Would you like to watch a video on the topic: “How and why to compliment a man?” I have recorded a comprehensive 20 minute lecture for you! Don't forget to leave a comment and subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Do men like compliments?
So, I believe that complimenting men is a must. Complimenting your husband, boyfriend, man is something that most women underestimate in relationships. They rarely say nice things to their partners, and even if they do, they do it wrong.
In no case do I “throw stones at women’s gardens” and do not say: “Oh, how bad you are, you do everything wrong.” My goal is not to criticize you, but to convey information that will be useful for your relationship and help make it better.
What is a compliment? A compliment is a confirmation of the value of the person who is next to you, confirmation of his importance and that this person is loved. Can the phrase “I love you” be a compliment? No, because this is a statement of fact. A compliment expresses a unique feature of a man and emphasizes his positive qualities.
Do men like compliments? Yes. And normal men not only love compliments, but need them, since this is a form of recognition. And for us men, receiving recognition from a woman is a natural necessity.
Why do men need to be praised?
Let's start with the basic truths. The unattainable ideal of a man is as many women as possible. The unattainable ideal of a woman is the best man. The well-known anecdote about a four-story shopping center, where you could choose any model of life partner according to your personal ideas about the ideal, is a sad metaphor for this unattainability.
On the first floor there were beautiful people, on the second floor there were beautiful and smart people, on the third there were combinations of beautiful, smart and rich people, and in front of the stairs to the fourth floor there was a warning sign that reminded you that it would be impossible to return, but you could take the ideal you had already found on the third floor home and rejoice to the one who was so lucky. But, as the joke goes, women couldn’t stop, they went for broke, went up to the empty fourth floor and ended up left with nothing, while many men didn’t even go up to the third: the most fastidious had enough of beautiful
It is clear that in life everything is somewhat different. We know that our dreams are unrealistic, that, in the end, dreams are for dreaming and not for making them come true, but latently we hope for a miracle, and when reality offers us the opportunity to choose an ideal (and it, the infection, sometimes does such dirty tricks - in a dream, for example), we lose our heads, and then, after the inevitable bummer, we cannot recover from bitterness for a long time. Don't believe fairy tales, there are no realists! There are only those who compromise by accepting the rules of the game, and those who try to force the world to play by their rules. The first path is easier, the second is more hopeless, but combining them, going through some kind of compromise third is a great merit. Alas, we are not what we “want” to be (because dreams don’t count), all paths are not open to us, and therefore all that remains for us is to be ourselves.
Yeah, a reasonable question: what about yourself? How is that? Is this a minimum of effort aimed at changing oneself and what is around, a passive attitude towards reality, Buddhist contentment with little (or, more precisely, Christian: Buddhists don’t even want to be content with little, give them no desire at all)? Or vice versa - a constant desire to discover something new in oneself, to strive, to achieve, to run beyond the illusory limit of perfection despite the fact that it does not exist - simply for the sake of the process itself.
Well, what if a person’s temperament is like this? - it turns out that in this case the person still remains himself. But the second option is rated by women as more attractive. In general, there is such a gender maxim that a man loves someone who, it seems to him, will not change over time, and a woman will choose someone who, in her opinion, will change over time, become stronger, more decisive, better, in a word. To others.
At the same time, women understand that they are taking risks, but they, like real realists, believe fairy tales and hope that this new one, who has become even better, will still be with her, to love her, only her. That is, she will satisfy her eros, but why should he, it will cost him. And here we come to an insoluble and tragic conflict of loves: it turns out that a man is able to love a woman as she is, while a woman, at best, loves a man for growth. And I don’t know what the girls think about themselves, but it seems to me, as a man, that our male love is more like true love. And on behalf of most men, I can agree that your love, girls, is like real love only when you accept us men as we are. And you don’t humble yourself and endure, but sincerely admire us.
I know it’s difficult to admire sincerely, but I can suggest a way: try little by little, squeeze love out of yourself drop by drop, and, I assure you, at some point a rather large stream may open up. Quite sufficient, yes, we don’t need Niagara Falls. Here I follow your logic: you are the one who is convinced that any difficulty can be overcome with the power of desire. Well, please use your theory in practice. Let's see.
But it is necessary to praise men. We must feel your love and desire to come to terms with our shortcomings. We must see that you are trying, that you are interested in an alliance with us, that you value our love. We men are at a much greater disadvantage than women, precisely because we constantly have to earn a woman’s favor, buy love.
Many may be indignant - they say, why on earth should we try to love these lazy gluttons who are only interested in today, and do not care about what will happen tomorrow, they go to work and are content with little. And for this reason, for a very simple reason: we need an incentive - we are ready to try when we don’t feel that our strength is wasted and that you are not paying us with your love. It’s all, damn it, because of you and for your sake, women! And it is not enough for us that you only allow us to love you and demand that we pay for it.
A man, like a woman, is not sure that you are with him not only out of habit or because there is nowhere to go. A man wants to hear that he is the best, because he is alive, real and loving, which cannot be said about the ideals living in your heads. And sometimes he brings money, he tries, but try to make money for shopping from a white-toothed handsome guy from a girl’s dream or from a photograph in a glossy magazine. A real grandma, not a dream.
A man must be allowed to be himself, no matter what that means, and if this turns out to be not at all what you love, do not torture yourself or him. And if for some reason you still stayed close, then please don’t tell him that he ruined your youth: you are not his victim, but a victim of your delusions. If you are not ready to provoke a breakup, then please love us, and in such a way that we feel it. And always put yourself in our place, no. Everyone, you hear, every person wants to be themselves. And if you recognize this right for yourself, then recognize it for a man.
A man deserves praise for every little thing, if only because, unlike your ideals, he loves you mutually. And then, you yourself need to hear from him about how much he loves you in order to feel that you manage to make him happy, and if so, then he is entirely at your disposal - he loves, tries and loves to love.
Criticism has no beneficial effect on anyone. You can usually isolate yourself from criticism, but covering your ears is much more difficult than blurting out the response “look at yourself.” And a woman whose molecules of dissatisfaction with everything around her and with herself in particular rush around her body riding on red blood cells, who does not notice how she constantly gnaws at her beloved creature, having received criticism as an alaverda, sincerely considers this a blow below the belt. Wow, everything suited him - and here it is on you! I fell out of love! According to your logic, dear ones, it turns out that you can’t even stop loving us - the ratio of praise addressed to us and longing for what is not and, perhaps, will not be, is so great.
The main mistake is, I repeat, that women pay a man for his love by allowing himself to be loved. And they are sincerely perplexed when they hear from a man: “You don’t love me,” because in their language this phrase means something completely different. When a man feels that they love not him, but who he potentially could be, then the meaning of the reproach “you don’t love me” does not coincide with a similar feminine one, meaning: you don’t want to love me, try for me and change all the time, turning into someone new so I wouldn't get bored. You can continue ad infinitum. The conflict is insoluble, just as the struggle between Yin and Yang is insoluble. Vera Pavlova’s poem puts it perfectly: “And God saw/that it was good./And Adam saw that it was excellent./And Eve saw/that it was/satisfactory.”
But if you, dear women, try to love us, collect for us all your tenderness bit by bit, if you don’t wake up unhappy in the morning, which, like an orgasm, is only indirectly related to objective reality, and mostly comes from the head , from the very desire to be happy (Kozma Prutkov meant: if you really want to be happy), if you praise us for what is, and put aside criticism based on what is not, then I promise on behalf of all men : It will come back to you.
It will return in the form of love - platonic, material and sexual, because, I promise, there is no greater joy than seeing that a woman is happy because of you. We will try to earn more, we will tighten our bellies and buy a good DVD to watch it with you happily ever after. And we’ll even forgive you premenstrual hysterics.
Why do men need to be praised?
Related Items:
How do men react to compliments?
Consider the following situation. Your man or admirer takes good care of you, like a woman. Is it possible to praise a man for this to confirm the importance of his actions? You can compliment a man by saying: “You are very attentive, I am extremely pleased.”
And, in my understanding, this confirmation encourages a man to do even more for you. Something like this conclusion is formed in his head: “She likes what I do to a woman. She confirms that it is valuable, she rejoices. Great! And if I do this for her, she’ll probably be pleased.”
But there is another type - immature. These are the men who relax after compliments, and the better you treat them, the worse they become. Surely you have encountered similar ones in your life. They behave obnoxiously in relationships. But they suddenly turn silky when they are abandoned. They immediately try to win you back and demonstrate how great they are.
It seems to me that it is impossible to build harmonious relationships with immature men. But if you are attracted to just such people, it means that for now you are at the same level of development as them. And in this case, I think you should hardly be concerned with the question: “How can I compliment this man?”
If you understand that over and over again you attract unworthy and undeveloped men into your life, you should think about it, figure out why this is happening and start changing. I invite you to a five-day author’s course: “Man: honest instructions for use,” where I talk about how the psychology of men works and teach how to create truly happy relationships. To take part in my free online course, register now.
What is a compliment?
What exactly is a compliment? This is attention. A good compliment means deep attention and interest in a person. To attract attention to yourself or to something important to you, you need to make your interlocutor interested in you and become significant to him. And the easiest way to do this is with praise.
The main rule of any praise is sincerity. We meet people in our lives, communicate with them, but don’t really hear them. Hence there are many difficulties in building effective interaction. After all, we are telling something significant about ourselves.
Getting to know other people is always interesting, getting to know a loved one is doubly interesting. Do you agree?
What kind of compliments do men like?
Surely, I will not reveal a secret to you if I say that male psychology is different from female psychology. If we talk about the fair half of humanity, it would be quite reasonable to give compliments that relate to female qualities: appearance, femininity, beauty. At the same time, if a man tells a woman: “You are so purposeful,” she is unlikely to accept this compliment, since it is more a recognition of her business qualities. Although some people will probably like it.
In the case of men, the situation is radically different. I recommend relying on the fact that the best compliment to a man is a compliment to his masculine qualities, and not to his appearance. But if it so happens that you decide to “praise” his appearance, then the right compliments to a man should be associated with masculinity. For example: “I like your broad shoulders.”
If you just tell a man, “You're beautiful,” that's okay too. But if you often compliment his appearance rather than his other qualities, then a bias will arise. A man will understand that he is valuable to you only because he is handsome.
And here I want you to remember, what is the value of a compliment? It's about pushing a man to move further in the right direction. What will a man think who receives compliments from you only about his appearance? It’s unlikely how he can improve himself. Where else can he improve himself if he is already beautiful?
I recommend paying attention to compliments that target masculine qualities. If a man is attentive, purposeful, ambitious or, for example, he has an analytical mind, thanks to which he calculates steps ahead, he will be pleased to hear from you about this.
How to praise a man correctly
It is best to praise a man for those things to which he made an effort or performed some action. For example, if a man repaired a faucet, selected and bought a new one, found and called a repairman, he put an effort into it. Which means he is worthy of praise. But if a man only “verbally” repairs a faucet, constantly promises to do it tomorrow, or talks about how cool and beautiful a faucet he wants to choose, but does nothing about it, there can be no talk of praise. Situations and actions may be different, but the meaning here is simple and clear for everyone.
Improvise when composing compliments. And the best improvisation is prepared improvisation. When you loosen your tongue, when your speech becomes more lively and bright, then compliments to your beloved will pour out of you as if from a cornucopia. But until that happens and you don't want it to look awkward, it's best to prepare carefully.
Mistakes a woman makes when trying to compliment a man
What is the most common way of praising a man from a woman? "Well done!" This phrase is usually used by female trainers who teach other women to praise their man. What is the word “well done” associated with? With school. Did you get 5? - "Well done". And immediately a picture appears of a mother praising her son, who is “well done.”
Or, even worse, “You’re smart.” Umnichka is generally feminine! When you tell your man or son: “You are smart,” you are at least calling him feminine. I do not recommend using such phrases in relation to men.
I understand that now some of you may say: “Yaroslav, you are being very picky, these are trifles.” But I think these are not trifles. It is from such “little things” that male perception and self-identification are formed. Do you want to understand what words men like? I will help you with this.
Men love specifics. Words of admiration for a man should sound something like this: “Listen, how purposeful you are! I set a goal and achieved it!” or “You're smart. You said then that it would happen, and that’s how it happened. We did it your way, and it was right, great!” And I repeat once again, the best compliment to a man is a compliment about his masculine qualities.
Do you remember? Then let's move on. If you haven't given compliments before, chances are you'll be at a loss as to what kind of compliment you can give your boyfriend, man, or husband. It will be difficult for you to figure out what words to praise a man with and find new compliments to his masculine qualities.
You may feel a sense of fear: “How will he react? What will he say in response?” My dears, this is quite normal. And here you will either use trial and error to figure out what kind of compliment you can give a man, or you will go to learn this, for example, at “The Way of a Woman.” During the course, we separately analyze examples of compliments to a man and teach how to correctly express words of praise to a man.
Our program has a separate task, thanks to which graduates of “The Way of a Woman” get compliments from their teeth to a man. They feel no embarrassment, shame or fear of evaluation and know exactly what compliments a man needs to give. During the training, a woman can see in practice how cool it is to praise her partners.
Want to know what
the most common mistake women make when giving compliments?
Some of them manage to earn love through compliments. These are the questions I sometimes hear in my Instagram posts: “Yaroslav, I give him 9 compliments a day, but he still doesn’t ask me to marry” or “I gave a man a compliment, but he never gave me a new phone!”
What is the mistake of these women? They don't compliment men from a position of generosity: “You're wearing a compliment because you're cool” or “Oh, you're manly, I admire you.” They compliment a man as if he owes them something for it.
Such women become very disappointed, angry and even offended if the man does not become a superhero towards her in response.
Men do not need compliments from the standpoint of “deserving” love. Either you say phrases of admiration for a man out of generosity, sharing it with him, or you don’t need to say them at all.
How to learn to give compliments?
To learn to praise, you need to understand why. To understand, you need to hear and listen, for this I recommend a simple technique: look your interlocutor in the eyes, fall in love with him. It is from this source that the river of sincere admiration originates, which we can convey in our gaze, in intonation, and in words.
One day an incident happened to me. The man was telling the story of his life. Like every person, it turned out to be exciting and interesting. A year later we met again in the same company. I asked him a question and made it clear that I remembered his story. And I don’t just remember, but I respect the actions he committed.
What was his reaction? The usual admiring glances and words ended, actions began. He jumped up, gave me the best seat, asked what I would like and said: “We are always interested in those who are interested in us!”
Don't step on the throat of your own song. If you want to say kind words to a person with all your heart, speak up. Men love it. After all, in each of them lives a tender and trembling soul, thirsting for warmth.
What to do if your man doesn't like compliments?
Most likely, he doesn't like the compliment itself, but the way you give it. 90% of the time, the women who asked me this question are the ones who gave compliments to “earn” love. For them, giving a compliment to their boyfriend is a whole event that involves a response under the flag “you should.” And the man naturally feels this pressure.
But there are another 10% of women who, for unknown reasons, face resistance from a man. How should they be? Let me give you an example.
Imagine that a man comes to the analysis and says: “Yaroslav, I give my wife gifts, but she doesn’t like it. She believes that money should be saved. How can I make her love gifts?”
How will I answer? “Leave her alone. She doesn’t like gifts, there’s no need to give them to her.” The same goes for compliments or gratitude: “Here I thank a man, but he gets angry.” No need to torture him then! Does he not like it when you praise him? Get out of your head the thought of what words to choose to compliment a man.
Why might he not like compliments? Imagine: there once was a boy, he grew up in a dysfunctional family, his mother humiliated him all his life, telling him what a nonentity he was. And then a woman appears in his life who says: “You are good, you are cool, you are courageous, smart, valuable.” Of course, he will be stupefied and rejected. And I believe that there is no need to be angry that a man somehow reacts differently to your compliments.
There are two options here: either give him time to get used to it, or come to terms with the fact that praising the man you love is taboo, since he doesn’t like it so much. Just please, don’t conclude that if your man doesn’t need it, then everyone else shouldn’t give compliments either.
Test the “compliment a man” skill on different people: your friends, colleagues, relatives – and you will see how different the reaction can be. You will see completely different emotions, and only then will you be able to draw an objective conclusion that compliments are a feminine power that you underestimate.
For what?
Every person likes to be praised and given compliments. This is pleasant and gives you the opportunity not to rest on your laurels - there is always room for growth.
You are pleased when people praise the food you have prepared, the quality work you have done, and they talk about how beautiful you look. And you praise children, regardless of gender and age, for their successes and achievements. So why should you make an exception for your man, especially if you want him to show you more attention and care?
How did you feel as a child when you were scolded for disobedience or a bad grade? They didn’t consider themselves guilty, closed themselves off and continued to act the same way as before. Or they did it out of spite.
A man is in many ways a big child, the situation with him is the same - he closes down if you scold him. And he doesn’t do anything, because he won’t please you anyway. Start praising him and see how he changes. You will be surprised where he has so much energy and desire to help, change something, and take care of children.
Should you compliment cool men?
There is also an opinion that if a man is cool, then he hears compliments from everyone and everyone, so in no case does he need to say them! What does the woman think? “He is such an amazing man! Everyone hangs around him anyway, says nice words, gives him compliments, but I don’t want to be like everyone else.” Once you think this way, you will automatically blend in with everyone because 99% of women think the same thing.
As an example, let’s take famous, sought-after men, the so-called celebrities. Do you think they get compliments often? No. Most often they hear: “You are a great actor.” But this is not about compliments, this is a general word in the style of “well done.” They don’t hear specifics, for example: “I admire you, you came from a small town to New York, Moscow or somewhere else, and built a career! Other men should learn perseverance from you.” Instead, they hear general words: “You're awesome,” “You're amazing,” “You're charming,” “You're handsome,” or something else.
Dear girls, I urge you to be specific. Compare. General phrases: “You’re great”, “You’re cool”, “You’re amazing” - or specifics: “You’re smart, you do this, you think great, that’s why it led to this.” By the way, the compliment “you’re smart” is very universal, because every man considers himself like that. If you tell a man that he is smart, it is better to explain why you think so.
Perhaps now you will say: “Yaroslav, give us 100 templates of what words a man should say so that we don’t strain ourselves and compliment men correctly.” “How to tell a man that he is the best?”, “How to tell a man that he is handsome?” or “What kind words do men like?”
But I don’t want to give you blanks, because every man is unique. It has its own merits. And I would really like you to independently note his best qualities and dress them up as a compliment. And please remember that the best compliments for men are those given sincerely.
I hope this article was helpful to you. I will be glad to receive feedback in the comments and see you in my free online course “Man: Honest Instructions”. Over the course of 5 evenings, we will examine not only the topic “What compliment to give a guy,” but will also consider in as much detail as possible questions about attracting men, creating relationships and their reanimation, love triangles, gifts and achieving women's goals. See you on air!
Rule #1: Be aware of your choices.
Always remember that you chose this man, you liked him for who he is. He was never a perfect positive hero without flaws.
Miraculously, the shortcomings did not appear over time. Either you didn’t want to notice them, or now you perceive your spouse’s behavior and actions as too painful and irritable. Pull yourself together, remember the wonderful romantic moments at the beginning of your relationship, the happiness you gave each other, and look at your man as before, through the eyes of a young loving woman. You wanted to live your whole life together, so take the first step towards improving it.
Speak directly!
How to praise a man so that he understands that a woman is happy with him, how grateful she is that he is nearby? Guys don't take hints, so it's better for them to say some things directly. So why not put these words in the form of a compliment? You can talk about the happiness you feel next to him, how much you appreciate what he does for you. There are some phrases that will help develop the qualities that a woman values so much in a young man - courage, strength.
What not to do
It’s not enough just to know how to praise a man and examples of phrases. Some statements may be inappropriate. For example, you can't compare a guy with others. In other words, the compliment “you do it better than N” is unacceptable.
Every man wants to be unique. Therefore comparisons are inappropriate. You cannot make fun of him, humiliate him or try to hurt him. It hurts and upsets.
When communicating with a guy, a girl should watch her language. Sometimes a careless word can quickly ruin a budding romance. You cannot discuss your chosen one in a negative way with his relatives.
The ability to give compliments comes with experience. Therefore, you need to practice more often, start casual conversations, then the girl will be able to easily praise men from different social groups: from a work colleague to a lover. This skill will be useful in life and will help you easily make many contacts.
Tips for lovely women
How to praise a man without him recognizing manipulation? Words must be spoken sincerely: they should not be perceived as flattery. Therefore, when complimenting a man, you need to believe in your own words. In addition, there must be a sense of proportion. There can be a lot of praise, and then the confidence acquired by a man and inspiring him to achieve feats will develop into a sense of his own superiority, that is, he is simply arrogant.
Men need to be praised so that they have the strength for exploits, accomplishments and simply for support. It often happens that a guy also needs to speak out, but he doesn’t know how to do it. And he doesn’t need advice or encouragement in this situation, he just needs to listen to him and agree. And if this is reinforced with praise, then he will have a desire to move mountains.
Compliments to a male friend
It is impossible to say unambiguously which words will be perceived correctly. For example, praise may please one person, but upset another. Therefore, you need to be careful about your words.
In correspondence, you can say that the interlocutor is very kind, caring, and attentive. You can describe how much he helped to understand the case. Short messages are no less valuable than lengthy explanations. Therefore, even written communication can be useful.
When meeting in person, it is important to adhere to the standard pattern of “praising an action.” For example, a friend tells how he helped feed the homeless. This experience is worth encouraging. If a guy talks about what he likes to do, what plans he makes, then this is also worthy of praise.
A friend talks about the possibility of creating a charitable foundation. As long as he is willing to volunteer, donate small amounts from his salary, all this is worthy of praise.
Important! A woman does not have to perceive everything positively. If she considers an action bad, she may remain silent or condemn the person. This is much better than false flattery.
It is important to maintain a sense of proportion. The most handsome man can be said to have a stylish suit, perfect hairstyle, and well-groomed appearance. You should not put too much emphasis on appearance, as this may come off as flirting.
Compliments to a man and a woman
How to get rid of addiction to a man on your own - advice from a psychologist
Psychology often deals with issues of gender differences. There are not only physiological differences between the female and male sexes. The differences also concern the psyche.
For a woman, appearance and attractiveness matter
Beauty is not so important to a man. He wants to emphasize his strength, intelligence, masculinity, and ingenuity. Therefore, representatives of the stronger sex are evaluated for their actions.
Important! All men are individual, so some are interested in external attractiveness.
The guy needs to be told more often about his merits and advantages. This will help maintain his self-confidence. But you shouldn’t over-praise, as it starts to sound like flattery.
There are ready-made options for compliments, but you need to know how to use them. It is advisable for a woman to know some patterns - this will be useful in life.
Compliments to a loved one and a friend will also differ. For example, you can say more personal things to your partner, while with an acquaintance you will have to maintain a distance.
Even at work, a woman can start a casual conversation and praise her interlocutor. Options that evaluate actions, achievements, and appearance are suitable.
Does a man need praise?
Representatives of the stronger sex need recognition. When a woman emphasizes the importance of a man, she increases his self-esteem. He will strive to do well in order to hear praise again.
Compliments can and should be given to a man. There is one important detail to consider: women can be embellished and emphasized by their appearance, but this approach cannot be used with a guy.
Important! Praise for a man should be given only on the basis of his actual achievements. He will perceive embellishment as a lie.
