Self-development - where to start, what it is and why it is needed

Women’s self-development: the most common areas of life

Among the most important areas that they would like to improve, women name relationships with the opposite sex (for unmarried people) and relationships in the family (for married people). Despite the desire to succeed in the profession, personal life is put first.

Loneliness does not always indicate that a woman is not doing anything for self-development. Even good housewives with an attractive appearance may not have a partner. The problem is often that a woman simply does not understand what kind of man she needs and what kind of relationship she wants to build with him. As a result, the partner has annoying shortcomings (smokes, spends a lot of time fishing or watching football matches), which forces him to break up. A man can also be completely absent from a woman’s life.

To meet your life partner, you should make a list of the personal qualities of the best partner for you. Write down the shortcomings that you are willing to put up with. The psychological portrait is complemented by the physical one if it is important for you that a man has certain external features.

The imperfection of the family (naughty children, drinking husband) is often a reflection of our own imperfection. Try to understand what traits of your character caused your children to become disobedient. You may be too accommodating to their whims. Don't forget that you don't have to tolerate your drinking spouse. If a man has abdicated responsibility for his life, he is not capable of being the head of the family.

Self-development plan

If a person is standing in the middle of the forest and does not know where to move, the first thing to do is to determine where exactly he is.

It's the same here. Having realized that it is necessary to develop, you need to understand at what point this development will begin, and what specific efforts need to be made in order to achieve a certain result. A series of questions will do this.

Ask yourself questions

• What doesn't suit me?
• What doesn’t suit people whose opinions are important to me?
• What would I like to achieve?
• And so on.

Wheel of Life

It happens that it is difficult to immediately determine which problems prevail in life, so the “Wheel of Life” will come to the rescue. It will consist of 10 sectors, each of which is responsible for vital aspects of the existence of each person.

The main thing here is to approach the implementation as objectively as possible. You must see your shortcomings and gaps that need to be corrected, and not create the illusion of a good life.

Let's look at some of the sectors.

Health

One of the fundamental sections on which success in other areas of life depends. Proper daily routine, healthy sleep, exercise and good food.

Spirituality

The ability to hear yourself, control emotions and direct them in the right direction. A minimum of negative emotions and continuous positivity. Meditation is one of the methods that can help achieve spiritual balance.

Finance

This is that section of a person’s life that, when we feel dissatisfaction, prevents us from sleeping soundly at night and, accordingly, has a very detrimental effect on existence as a whole. Many people devote their whole lives to the problems of financial well-being, but sometimes it is enough to make a little more effort - to show your perseverance at work or find a new one, start your own business or improve your qualifications.

Sociality

People surround us everywhere, so a lot depends on the ability to communicate. Put yourself in the right position and treat truly important people with dignity.

Personal growth

Pay attention to your own skills and abilities, develop memory, creative thinking, fight procrastination, smart time management.

As you can see, there are really many areas, so you need to make a clear choice in favor of one direction or another. If it is very difficult to decide, then you can go in order. By improving your health, finding a common language with yourself, stopping worrying about the financial side of life, learning to communicate with people and constantly developing, you can really achieve great success. The main thing is not to scatter yourself on everything at once.

Be honest with yourself

In order to benefit from the process of self-development, you need to determine where it is really needed, and to do this, take an honest look at your strengths and weaknesses.

You looked the truth in the eye, and with tears identified your own mistakes. But this was not done to show how bad life is. On the contrary, to fix it. First, you still need to decide where to start.

Dividing the goal into subgoals

The solution to the problem of each sector should consist of one global goal, which can be divided into several smaller ones in order to make it easier to approach the implementation of that single one. In order not to get confused about what you have to do along the way, it is better to write down each stage.

How to set a goal

It also happens that it is difficult to set a goal. There are several general rules for this that will simplify the process. It is necessary that the goal be measurable, it can really be achieved and the deadline for achievement must be clearly understood.

For example, let's draw up one action plan. For example, you decided to become a better person by acquiring new skills and solve the financial issues of your life by finding a new job. The problem is a lack of knowledge, inability to concentrate and poor productivity.

What can and should be done for this?

• Take advanced training courses;
• Learn to focus on business;
• Learn to plan your time, attend a training about this or read a book;
• Write a resume, sending it to all the places where you would like to get a job.

Read further: Where to start self-development? 10 steps to personal development

Self-development of a woman as an individual

At the beginning of the new millennium, women's self-development acquired special significance. The girl received not only the right to build her own life, but also to bear responsibility for the chosen path. Women mistakenly believe that after marriage they do not have to continue their development. They solved the main problem - they found a spouse who would take full responsibility for his wife and children. But marriage is the next step in a woman’s self-improvement.

A girl who devotes herself only to her family gradually becomes uninteresting to her husband, and he begins to look for a more pleasant interlocutor. Such a wife is more dependent on her husband, since he is most often the breadwinner. By refusing to improve herself, she loses the respect of not only her husband, but also her children, relatives and friends.

Self-development of a woman at 40 years old

It is believed that at the age of 40 the best years have already been lived. At the same time, a woman was forced to devote her best years (20-35 years) to her family, giving birth and raising children. For many, turning 40 becomes the age of regret about missed opportunities and a time to take stock. The woman is sure that the best thing she can do is help adult children and raise grandchildren.

However, considering yourself old at 40 is no longer relevant. With increasing life expectancy, this age is no longer considered the onset of old age. A mature woman who knows life and her tastes is much more ready for self-realization than a twenty-year-old girl with no experience.

Women's self-development: where to start

To develop yourself, step-by-step instructions must be created after diagnostics. Answer yourself these questions:

1. “What causes the feeling of dissatisfaction?”
2. “What causes feelings of dissatisfaction in my loved ones?” If you yourself have not answered the question of what does not satisfy you in life, pay attention to the dissatisfaction of loved ones (parents, spouses, children). The opinions of your relatives must be taken into account, but you should not build your life in accordance with their wishes. If your father and mother want you to start a family and give birth to a child, and you don’t want this yet, you shouldn’t torture yourself to please your dad and mom. You will have to live with your husband and children, not your parents.
3. “What do I dream about?” Esotericists are confident that desire is given to us for self-improvement. Pay attention to your dreams and you will know which areas of your life are worth working on.

Where to start

How to find yourself and your purpose in life: what does it mean and where to start

At first, everyone is overwhelmed by fear and lack of understanding of how to begin self-development. Each person lives according to his own schedule, but everyone has a common problem - lack of free time. For some, this is a reason not to take on something new. If you decide to change yourself for the better, the main thing is to take the first steps; they are different for men and women.

To a woman

It is not clear how a woman can engage in self-development when she needs to take care of her family, raise children and work. Lack of time forces you to postpone plans indefinitely, so it is important to manage your time wisely. Where to start your self-improvement for a woman:

• Set an exact date. You can’t start “one of these days” or “soon.” It’s better to start on the weekend, when work won’t distract you;
• Make time. The choice depends on the girl’s biorhythms and her work schedule. For example, you can read useful literature in the morning or before bed, during breaks at work;
• Stop clogging your brain with unnecessary information, this includes series and television programs. It is not necessary to completely refuse, but the viewing time should be reduced to 30-40 minutes;
• Get rid of the habit of sleeping until lunch, if you have one. Peak brain activity occurs in the morning;
• The day should begin with physical activity, without it there will be no internal changes.

Woman with a book

Note! A woman who begins the path to self-improvement may face reproaches from family and friends. The older generation does not always share women's desire to do something other than family and work. You shouldn’t tell everyone about your plans; it’s better to move in your own direction without further ado.

To a man

Males cannot live without a goal; they always need to achieve new heights. Self-development and self-improvement are important for any man, where to start:

• Pay attention to your physical development. Taking care of your health and body is the first thing a man should do;
• Establish sleep and wakefulness patterns. You need to sleep at least 7 hours, wake up no later than 8 am, if your work schedule allows it;
• Find time to read, meditate and learn new things. This can be 30-40 minutes before bedtime or in the morning, you can allocate 10 minutes several times during the day;
• To save time. Every minute of life should be filled with meaning. It is better to give up watching TV and reading the tabloids, replacing them with watching documentaries and quality films.

Note! The main ways to quickly develop yourself are to read the right books and communicate with people from whom you can learn useful skills. At school, a student learns from teachers; in adult life, one can learn from business partners, colleagues and close circles.

The first stages on the path of a girl’s self-development

Young girls 18-20 years old in most cases do not have enough experience to know exactly what area of ​​their life needs development. Some of them do not understand why they need to improve themselves. This behavior should be considered normal. However, already at this age it is necessary to begin to develop. Self-development can be general and include:

1. Education. If you have not yet decided what profession you would like to devote your life to, study what interests you today, for example, fashion design.
2. Trips. It is easier for unmarried girls without children to travel than for married ones. Getting to know new countries broadens your horizons. While traveling, you can find your purpose (you liked the profession of a flight attendant or a tour guide).
3. Volunteering. Free assistance contributes to spiritual development. Volunteering is both a hobby and a job. It will become an alternative for those who are unable to travel at their own expense.

What do I want to change?

There's not much point in climbing a ladder if it's not against the right wall.

Stephen Covey

This is the main question that worries most people who have received a boost of motivation, but do not know where to direct their energy.

There are many ways to identify problem areas, but the simplest and most effective way is through proper assessment. To do this, you need to separately consider the main areas of your life, which, as a rule, include:

• Love;
• friendship;
• welfare;
• health;
• Job;
• hobby.

This classification was proposed by Russian business coach Radislav Gandapas. You can use your own division, revealing individual directions in more detail.

Now you need to rate each of them on a ten-point scale. This way you will decide which areas need your attention first. If you have opposite scores (for example, 3 and 10), then you should think about redirecting your efforts to an area that needs it more.

If all the numbers are approximately the same, then start with health and love, since their development most of all trains the will and gives motivation for self-improvement.

Target

The speed of its achievement depends on the correct choice and formulation of the goal. Not only global, but also small everyday tasks deserve attention.

Real

A realistic goal is one that matches your current capabilities. If you have never exercised, but intend to run a few kilometers tomorrow, then such a goal should be considered fantastic. However, opportunities may change. After just six months of regular training, you can easily achieve what you want.

Short term

Goals that are easy to implement and designed to be implemented in the near future are used to maintain a positive attitude. Write yourself a plan for the week. The list might include tasks such as going to the hairdresser, cleaning out your closet, or reading a few chapters of a book. Since achieving these goals requires minimal investment of time and money, you will notice positive results at the end of the week.

Setting short-term goals and tracking their completion programs the brain to achieve challenging goals. You need to see the implementation of your plans. In addition, with the help of short-term goals, more global ones are achieved. You are sure that losing weight is impossible because you have already tried and failed. First, set a goal for yourself to join a gym. The next task is to reduce your consumption of sweets.

Motivating

The chosen goal must be motivating. Before you start work, think about why you need to achieve what you want. For example, you want to learn a foreign language to advance your career or just because your mother dreamed of it. You should not fulfill other people's wishes, even if it upsets your relatives. Achieving someone else's goal will not bring joy and will lead to loss of time.

Review your daily routine and nutrition

Nutrition and a healthy routine are already half the success. Because at a minimum:

• your appearance will improve (skin, hair and nails will be grateful);
• the figure will become more perfect;
• more energy for new achievements;
• general mood and tone will increase;
• It will become easier to manage time.

Regarding beautiful skin: we highly recommend reading this article. There are a lot of useful things and whole instructions on how to make your skin glow without makeup.

And in the article about beauty sleep, we wrote about how to use sleep to improve your appearance and well-being in the morning.

Areas of self-improvement or what to choose

Popular areas include health, material well-being, profession and relationships with the opposite sex. Less popular ones include creativity and spiritual development. Each person also identifies his own specific areas, the lack of development of which worries him personally.

In most cases, improvements are required in several areas at once. The area that needs adjustment more than others also affects other areas of life. For example, if you are often sick, you will not be able to earn more, develop professionally, or get an education.

It is necessary to start working on yourself from the most problematic area with the support of the most developed area. If you don’t have a job, but you are a creative person (artist, poet), try turning your hobby into a profession. A woman who has made a career, but has not found a loved one, can look for him at the workplace.

Planning your development

Creating a detailed plan for self-development, indicating the time for achieving what you want and the stages of achievement, will help you work effectively to implement your plans.

Step-by-step instructions for self-development will be individual for each person and for each set of tasks. However, some steps may be common.

Select several goals of different sizes

For convenience, a table is created, one column in which will be devoted to goals, and the other to possible deadlines. The goals that are achieved first will become motivation for achieving other goals.

Create milestones that indicate progress towards achieving

For each task, a separate action plan is drawn up, which is followed during work. For example, if your goal is to learn a foreign language, your plan might be:

1. Find an additional source of income to earn money to attend language courses.
2. Sign up for language courses.
3. Get a diploma.
4. Earn money to take courses at a summer camp in the country of the language you are learning.
5. Take training at a summer camp.
6. Start communicating with native speakers.

Take into account unforeseen situations (an additional source of income was not found) and new opportunities (an offer was received to take language courses for free), add to the plan or remove items from it.

Make a self-improvement plan

You can even have a separate notebook for this.

It is convenient to divide the notebook into areas. For example, the first 10 pages are for health, the next 10 are for career, and so on.

It can be done differently. Describe your goals on the first page, and keep a detailed diary of your achievements on the rest.

Make schedules, daily and training routines, nutrition and training plans, draw graphs, draw tables. You can use special applications on your smartphone. The main thing is that you feel comfortable.

Tip: A very convenient tool is mind-map. We recommend that you pay attention to it.

What helps you not to give up halfway?

People don't achieve their goals not because their dreams are impossible, but because they don't have the patience to see it through to the end. The temptation to give up achieving a goal arises at any stage of work. A person may conclude that:

1. What is desired is not a necessity. You've lived your 34 years quite well without knowing Japanese. You can continue to live without him.
2. You don't have time to accomplish what you want. You are too busy with work and family.
3. You are not young (or mature) enough to achieve your goal. The ability to fulfill a wish is often tied to age.
4. Life can get worse after achieving your goal. If you take a higher position, you will lose friends among your colleagues. With more money, you will be afraid of robbery and extortion.

These thoughts should be considered an excuse for laziness. It's not just millionaires who are being robbed. Even the unemployed and housewives lack time. Age does not play a decisive role on the path to achieving what you want. True friends will not turn away because you have become better than them in some way.

To help yourself cope with such thoughts, periodically make 2 lists, which can be titled:

1. “What will I get if I achieve my goal?” Here you need to include all the advantages of having or not having something. Describe in detail what you will have when you become the head of a department in your organization: a salary of 10 thousand more, the opportunity to use official transport and go on business trips abroad. If your goal is to quit smoking, for example, describe how it will make you feel better. The money you used to spend on cigarettes will be spent on going to the cinema.
2. “What will I deprive myself of if I don’t achieve my goal?” Indicate what you will lose if you refuse to move towards what you want. Without becoming the head of a department, you will travel to work by public transport and earn less; you will not be sent on a business trip abroad. Without quitting smoking, you will increase your expenses (cigarettes are becoming more expensive), and you may get lung cancer.

To get rid of the temptation to give up on your dreams, tell about your plans to a person who doesn’t like you and makes fun of you. You will have an incentive to achieve your goal. If you don't do this, your ill-wisher will laugh at you and tell everyone about your failure.

Define goals and objectives

There is no such thing as abstract self-development. Everyone has their own, because we are all different. Therefore, decide on the area and goals. With problems to solve.

Where do you need to “pull yourself up” and what exactly?

For example:

• Field: study. What’s wrong: I don’t have enough knowledge and skills in mathematics / I can’t figure out where to go (I haven’t decided what I want to do) / I don’t manage my time well and don’t have time to do anything / etc. What I want: enroll on a budget / pass the exam with excellent marks ...
• Relationship. What’s wrong: I don’t know how to build long-term relationships / I don’t feel feminine / I’m too uptight and shy / too hot-tempered and conflict-ridden...
• Health and appearance. Dislikes: dull hair and unkempt nails / acne on the skin / vision problems / insufficiently toned body / plain style...
• Work and money. I don’t like: bad relationships with colleagues / low salary / no interest... I want: start working on the Internet / become a makeup artist / increase monthly income / plan a budget better...
• Hobby. I want to understand the art house, learn to play the violin, master programming, read more books, go swimming, whatever.
• Family. Not happy: I spend too little time with my parents / my relationship with my sister is not going well...

Choose any areas of your life.

Think about what worries you, what interests you, what is important to you, what you like and don’t like about yourself and life in general.

Tip: Write everything down on a piece of paper by hand. This will make it easier for the brain to tune in to the path of improvement.

On topic: How to start the morning right →

Women's self-development strategy

A self-development strategy for a woman includes changing her lifestyle and attitude. To understand what needs to change, find your purpose.

Philosophy of life

If life is not satisfying you, perhaps it should be blamed on your internal attitudes. To start living in a new way, analyze the attitudes received from your parents and the society in which you were raised. For example, you don’t have enough money, and your father constantly says that only dishonest people can be rich, money is evil and dangerous. Such formulas do not allow you to see new opportunities for earning money.

A girl who is unhappy in her personal life must analyze the fate of women of her kind. If your grandmother broke up with her husband because of his infidelity, she could pass on the wrong attitude to her mother, and her mother to you. From all the men you meet, you expect only infidelity and always find “evidence” of their guilt.

Lifestyle

Remember that the lifestyle you led previously caused many problems. Regardless of what goals you set for yourself, always try to:

1. Get more rest. Even if you love what you do, you should always find time to relax. Whenever possible, travel, attend cultural events, and go out of town with friends and relatives. Relaxing in nightclubs or at home in front of the TV should be avoided.
2. Value your time. Give up activities that take up too much time and are not beneficial (computer games, communication on social networks).
3. Adhere to a healthy lifestyle. This recommendation applies not only to those with bad habits. Review your daily diet. It may contain harmful products. Start exercising even if you are not overweight.

Find a role model

A well-known wisdom says: do not make yourself an idol. And that's good advice.

However, it is useful to have guidelines. Read biographies of famous personalities or their advice. Try to learn something from your favorite artist/scientist/politician/blogger.

Or you can simply spy on the style and makeup of some celebrity similar to you.

It is important here not to indulge in empty imitation. Remember that you are also an individual.

On the subject: Monica Bellucci Quotes: 57 Lessons of Women's Wisdom →

Tips for female self-realization

The success of self-realization largely depends on the relationship with yourself and the world around you. The company of like-minded people and self-love will help you achieve high results.

Enlist the support of loved ones

The support of loved ones is important for everyone who intends to improve one or another area of ​​life. However, it is not always possible to find understanding. Some members of your family may have a more traditional outlook on life. Your grandmother believes that a woman should devote herself to her family and not do business. Parents may believe that a girl does not need to have a higher education.

Seek support from like-minded people and spend as much time with them as possible. When your relatives see your first successes, they will begin to view your actions more favorably. If you manage to achieve recognition in your chosen field, your loved ones will also support you.

Make new acquaintances

If possible, it is necessary to expand your circle of communication. Don't avoid introducing new people into your life. Every person, even those without a higher education, is able to teach something, tell something new. The appearance of new friends is necessary for a woman striving for self-realization and achieving goals, since the fulfillment of desires may depend on their presence in life. Communication is especially necessary for women who are forced to spend a lot of time outside of society (housewives).

It is necessary to monitor the quality of communication. You should avoid the company of people who have not achieved anything and who have a negative attitude towards the success of others. Communicating with those who treat you unkindly can be beneficial. Such people tend to notice your shortcomings, which will motivate you to work on yourself.

Learn to love yourself and others

Personal growth is impossible without self-love. If you consider yourself unworthy of the best, all your efforts will be in vain. A girl who cannot love herself needs to start showing respect for herself. Make 2 lists of your best qualities and achievements in life. You can respect yourself for your kindness, your ability to sing or cook. Be glad that you were able to get a degree in economics or buy an apartment without the help of relatives.

You also need to show love and respect to the people around you. Every person gets what he gives. Find bright qualities in your friends and family. Try not to pay attention to their shortcomings. Don't be shy to express love to your loved ones. People you don't know can be politely praised and thanked for small services. The expression of feelings must be sincere. Don't ingratiate yourself or flatter.

Don't give up

Be prepared for the fact that obstacles await you on the way to your goal, which you need to treat as calmly as possible. Changes in life always mean leaving your comfort zone. Remember that a leader is not someone who does everything easily and simply. A leader should be considered a person who is able to continue what he started, despite the obstacles that arise. You need to notice not only big, but also small victories. Perhaps you haven't found the strength to go for a morning run. But today you woke up half an hour earlier than usual.

Don't stop there

Less demanding people tend to stop at the results achieved. However, if there are no new aspirations, development stops. Having learned one foreign language, you can always start learning another, more complex one. If your income has reached the desired level of 50 thousand rubles per month, try to achieve an income of 70 thousand rubles per month. A person who has received everything he needs can use his potential to help other people.

Master meditation

This advice has not been mentioned anywhere before and, probably, many people are tired of it. However, it really works.

Meditation is, in a narrow sense, the same thing as concentration. This practice improves your ability to be in the present, increases mindfulness, and relieves stress. The person becomes calmer and more positive. And therefore it becomes easier to develop yourself.

A simple example of meditation:

1. Lie on your back and relax all your muscles.
2. Close eyes.
3. Focus completely on your breathing for 10 minutes.

Even washing dishes can be turned into meditation.