Containing emotions and their consequences
CONTENT:
If you push all your experiences to the back burner and don’t express your emotions, then this will not lead to anything good. Negative emotions can accumulate . Many try to hide them for fear of being misunderstood and unaccepted. Postponing, not paying attention, enduring day after day is not the answer.
A person can get stuck with unprocessed grief inside themselves, and this leads to passive aggression and depression. Perhaps there will be a violent outburst, which is fraught with damaged relationships, emotional trauma to loved ones, problems with superiors, or later, a problem with one’s own health may appear.
10 FACTS about EMOTIONS part 1
Allow yourself to let your emotions out sometimes. This is useful!
Surely every person, from time to time experiencing either dull apathy or an explosion of negative emotions, asks himself the question: am I even normal? Thousands of articles have been written today about the problems of anxiety, depression and emotional burnout - inevitable companions of chaotic modern life. We all know what psychological illness is. What is considered psychological health? And how to maintain it at the proper level?
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WHO defines psychological health as a sense of well-being in which a person realizes his or her abilities. Simply put, if you are generally satisfied with your condition, this is the norm. No one can tell you that you are sick if you don't feel it. But, according to psychologists, even if everything is fine with you and you currently feel like a happy person, soul hygiene - that is, stress relief - should be practiced at least for preventive purposes.
In general, the concept of psychological health includes many components. For example, a sense of self-worth. You need to learn to radiate self-confidence and be an open person. It is also important to be able to maintain your integrity, not waste your time on trifles, but follow the direction towards the desired result. Every strong person must be psychologically healthy in order to maintain his spiritual core. Often fate prepares us numerous trials, the existence of which we cannot even guess. To be holistic means to be able to avoid wasting precious energy in vain.
Another aspect is love for yourself and others. If we have negative feelings towards people, they will most likely respond in kind. Whereas a kind attitude towards yourself, family, friends, colleagues and just strangers helps to release a large amount of positive energy, which moves us towards our goals and has a beneficial effect on our perception of the world around us.
Negative emotions from the point of view of psychologists
There is such a science as psychosomatics, which tells us about the interaction and impact of negative experiences on human health. Thus, certain experiences are responsible for their area or organ in the human body. And if you are constantly offended or angry, this can produce “negative results.” In order for our health and our relationships not to suffer, we need to learn how to competently throw out negative emotions and free ourselves from them.
It is still necessary to understand what emotions are. Emotions are any internal experiences of a person, his reaction, response to external influences. They can be either positive: happiness, joy, delight, surprise, interest, pleasure, or negative: anger, rage, irritability, resentment, fear.
If a person tries to live positive emotions over and over again and keep them in his memory for as long as possible, then he tries to get rid of negative ones as quickly as possible, sometimes living them, sometimes hiding them behind a mask of calm and sending them far into the depths of himself. There is also another scenario when a person is deliberately in a state of resentment or anger, as if punishing himself and suffering. All this is very harmful.
How to throw out emotions and feelings?
Hello, Marina. I suggest an exercise.
How to vaccinate against stress. So, if you are faced with some psychological problem or are simply in a bad mood, put aside your daily activities, find a comfortable place to be calm and alone. Concentrate your attention by focusing it on your physical, bodily sensations. Try to find sensations in your body that are supposedly associated with the negative emotions you are experiencing. you can simply find those areas of your body where physical discomfort is especially noticeable (for example, headache, or heaviness in the chest, or a sucking feeling of emptiness “in the pit of the stomach,” etc.). It is these sensations that serve as material for further work - they need to be used as a sensitive indicator, a kind of “litmus test” of those literally life-saving and healing psychological changes that occur in the body at an involuntary or subconscious level. Take a blank sheet of paper and divide it into two halves with a vertical line. On the left “dark” half, write the negative, usually self-accusatory thought that first comes to mind when you think about the problem that has arisen. Say it out loud or mentally to yourself. Observe how uncomfortable bodily sensations react in this case - as a rule, they intensify. Now begin in the same way to pronounce statements that are the opposite in meaning - as arguments in a dispute, helping to overcome the opposite point of view (or rather, to convince your own subconscious, on which your emotional well-being and optimistic mood directly depend). Do this slowly, without rushing, carefully observing which of the spoken phrases respond to bodily sensations - these are the “arguments” that turned out to be the most convincing for your subconscious. Write them down on the right side of the sheet. Usually it is enough to select 4-5 such phrases within 15-20 minutes for your well-being to normalize and the emotional “fire” to go out. Then cut your paper along the dividing line. You can get rid of its left half and forget its contents. You can just crumple up the piece of paper and throw it away. Or, what is more practical, you can combine both methods, doing the first of them in reality, and the second in your imagination. Save the right half of the sheet and remember your entire “right” list of positive thoughts. These words you found - statements that create a life-affirming mood (affirmations) will be a “vaccination” against stress for you, which will help you calm down in difficult times. (M.E. Sandomirsky “Protection from stress”).
I'm afraid to express my emotions and feelings (3 answers)
Dibrova Larisa Vladimirovna, psychologist, Chisinau
Good answer4 Bad answer0
How to cope with negative emotions?
In order to feel good and not accumulate negative experiences, you need to learn how to deal with them. There are several different techniques that can help in difficult stressful moments.
1. Speaking out emotions . This method is usually widely used by people, but they themselves may not realize it. So after a hard day at work or an unexpected stressful situation, we call our mother or friend, or husband to discuss everything that we have accumulated - to talk it out. We don’t think about how to throw out our emotions, but we do it successfully. There is a small but, we must not forget to talk specifically about your feelings (“I was so scared”, “I was very unpleasant” or “I was so angry that I could barely restrain myself”). If you have no one to talk to, you can talk it all out on your own, so to speak, “cry into your pillow.”
2. Cry . This is also a kind of “liberation” from accumulated negative emotions, but this method is not always suitable for everyone. So, for example, a man is unlikely to cry, but if a woman starts crying at work, she may be misunderstood. But at home alone with yourself - please. This way you can get rid of the tension accumulated inside and discharge, the main thing is not to get carried away for too long.
3. Diary of experiences . A very good and effective method. This is where imagination comes to the rescue. You can write a whole story describing your feelings, and the more detailed you write about your condition, the better, or you can just throw it all out on paper, and then, for example, crumple it up and throw it away. In this way we get rid of, “throw out” our aggression, all the negativity, splash out our anger.
4. Our voice . Emotions can be spoken, or they can be shouted. This method is quite controversial, although very effective. The main thing is that loved ones do not fall under the impact zone. Sometimes, you really just want to scream. But we will not consider this method of discharge. This paragraph indicates the voice, namely singing (karaoke will help you). By straining your vocal cords and putting emotion into your singing, you get rid of negativity.
Outburst of emotion
Film "Downton Abbey"
Spilling out feelings is usually pointless. Who is this girl talking to and why?
Film "The Story of Us"
An outburst of emotions is a useful thing, but sometimes it is too exciting and turns into emotional overwhelm.
Film "Burlesque"
Girls find it more natural to express their emotions, and this often helps them. Although not for long.
An outburst of emotion is the release of excess emotional energy in speech, expression and actions. This is a free, without internal control and obstacles, energetic throwing out of negativity and releasing emotional tension.
Screaming your anger, swearing from the heart, hitting or kicking the offender are options for an outburst of emotions. Strictly speaking, throwing out joy in laughter or wide hugs is also here, but usually by the outburst of emotions they mean an outburst of negative emotions, or more precisely, an outburst (discharge) of real or imaginary aggression.
Unlike an emotional response, an outburst of emotions does not mean either deep awareness, living with, or solving the problem that caused the emotion.
How to deal with the splashing out of negative emotions?
The outburst of negative emotions should be treated with caution. In the psychological literature, there is often a recommendation: “If you are angry and you are overwhelmed with aggression, do not suppress it in yourself, find a way to defuse it. Throw it out in words, throw it out in actions, and you will feel better.” This is both true and false. It is true that now the outburst will most likely make you feel better, and it is not true that you should accustom yourself to this method.
For more information, see the article Discharging aggression and negative emotions.
So what to do?
Developed, mentally healthy and emotionally mature people solve this issue without any problems. A realistically thinking person, who is accustomed to thinking first and not worrying, does not often experience violent negative emotions. For a well-mannered person, the negative emotions that arise do not turn into a storm, they are not difficult to cope with, they are completely manageable. There is no need to throw out anything to someone who is not inflaming himself, and what worries or enrages you can be spoken out. Restraint in behavior, the ability to restrain one’s negative feelings is an indicator of internal culture and good manners, a mandatory attribute of a business and simply successful person. If you don’t inflate emotions within yourself, then restraint in behavior and expression of your feelings is not at all harmful. Cm.
How to deal with children's outburst of emotions
The outburst of emotions by children should be treated in the same way as the outburst of emotions by adults. Children still do not know how to manage themselves well, and children know how to manage their emotions better than adults, and future hysterical behavior should not be encouraged. Cm.
What if it’s not you who are throwing out your emotions, but onto you?
In short, first draw the person’s attention to what he is doing and ask him not to do it again. If he reacted to this normally, then help him with this, remind him and support him in his efforts. If he didn’t hear you and doesn’t want to hear you, then you just need to prohibit him from doing so under the threat of breaking the relationship. Another thing is that most women are cowards and never do this, but that’s another question. If you need help from a consultant, come here.
Methods for dealing with negative emotions
If an active fight against negativity has been carried out, but it has not been possible to calm down, or it has been possible, but not completely, you can also use several effective methods. So, how to throw out negative emotions?
Easily available control methods
1. Wash with cold water . Try to “wash away” all the negativity. It will definitely get easier.
2. A cup of hot tea or coffee . You need to drink slowly, calmly, in a position that is comfortable for you, with a bar of dark chocolate (it activates the brain and is an active antidepressant). But everything is good in moderation.
3. Antics . Stand in front of a mirror and actively make faces. Make all sorts of “faces” and tense your face for a few seconds: eyes, forehead, mouth, and then relax. This will help relieve tension in the facial area and simply lift your spirits.
4. Favorite hobby . This could be: knitting, painting by numbers, anti-stress coloring, wood burning, sawing something out, or modeling from plasticine (dough). This method shifts attention well and helps you relax.
5. Massage . It relieves muscle tension well and relieves fatigue. It will be quite useful after difficult emotional experiences.
6. Breathing exercises and meditation . Turn on calm music, take a comfortable position and do a few breathing exercises. It is important to concentrate on yourself, your movements and proper breathing. These exercises will help normalize your heart rate and “saturate” the body with oxygen, thus relieving the burden of difficult experiences.
7. Self-analysis . When the emotional experiences go away, alone with yourself, you need to calmly analyze what made you lose your temper, why specific words or actions hooked you, how next time you need to react in order to be caught off guard.
8. Sleep . At least eight hours of good sleep. Don't forget to ventilate the bedroom. This will help you relax and gain strength in order to confront new negative experiences and learn to cope with them.
Why do you need to control your emotions?
The inability to control oneself makes a person more vulnerable. Any situation can throw him out of emotional balance, and his feelings will get the better of him. Such people are very irritable and quick-tempered, in difficult situations they give in to panic, and cannot reason sensibly and assess their situation. This behavior negatively affects all areas of life.
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Lack of control over emotions can cause you to commit rash acts and make wrong decisions. For a person, over time, the boundaries of what is right and reasonable will begin to blur, because... in moments of emotional outburst, he simply will not be able to control himself. Of course, in a calm state, he will understand that he acted rashly and “broke a lot of wood,” but next time he will do the same thing, and again he will regret what he did. Such mutual responsibility often leads to mental disorders.
An emotionally unstable person is easy to manipulate, which unscrupulous people take advantage of. Such a person can not only be used for your own purposes, but also destroy his life by playing on feelings of pity, guilt or pride.
Due to differences in views, we perceive the same negative emotions differently. Some consider a violent expression of anger to be a normal manifestation, while others consider words spoken in a cold, metallic tone to be a more acceptable option (although they often carry an even greater charge of aggression). And many generally have a program written inside them that expressing emotions is dangerous.
We all lived a long life in the polar world of struggle and opposition and learned to hide our feelings, suppress them, hide them even from ourselves... And there were a lot of emotions! Due to the turbulence of polar life, a lot of suffering, overcoming, “overcoming” and due to the fact that we were all forced to live not to our liking in the roles that we chose for ourselves.
This has been going on for a very long time, but now something completely different is happening. Now we are all participating in the closure of a huge number of collective programs of division, struggle, fear, anger, victimhood, etc. And this is accompanied by strong changes in emotions.
Emotions pass through us in waves, seemingly not at all characteristic of us and often without adequate reasons. They can be stirred up by anything, and quite violently: unexpected tears in response to an innocent mocking remark, incredible despair when a movie character dies on screen or at the sight of a homeless animal (desperation of such strength that can only be explained by one’s own experience of dying on the street). That’s right - we are all now experiencing and living feelings from all our past lives .
We are living through the global spring of humanity, and in the spring, you know, after the snow melts, all the garbage accumulated over the long winter is exposed. And now many different emotional states that we once lived are coming out. And our task, like on a cleanup day, is to sort out this “dirt.”
This topic is not new, but since the intensity of the processes has intensified recently, I want to remind you of the main points that will help in experiencing such emotional leaps.
Any emotion is energy , the energy of reaction (how we react to external stimuli). And energy is a physical phenomenon, it is a charge, it is a certain set of hormones that are released into the blood so that the body can waste them. Accordingly, an emotion cannot be prohibited, it can only be accepted, recognized and dissipated in such a way as not to harm oneself or others.
This is precisely why emotions rise in us: so that we recognize them, accept them and live them - squander them into action. Fortunately, emotional energies are very mobile: just as suddenly they come, just as quickly they can dissolve, as if they never existed, if instead of looking for the reasons for your mood and thinking about where you are wrong or why a person behaves this way , You just go and burn this emotion.
At first, it seems to us that our emotion has a reason: someone’s word, action, situation... But when you learn to manage it, you will see that violent emotional states emerge in us completely out of the blue. Only yesterday you were fluttering as if on wings, and today you suddenly wake up with the thought: oh God, how tired I am of living! Or you were just calm, and suddenly out of nowhere - anxiety and internal rattling. It can even be scary.
But this is like the transformation of the physical body, which we have all been living for a long time. When we first encounter symptoms of intracellular transformation of our physical conductor, we are frightened by unexpected manifestations in the body, we run to doctors, for examinations, etc. And then, having made sure once, twice, three times that all these symptoms have no medical confirmation and are associated only with changes in our etheric bodies, we calm down and begin to simply help ourselves experience them: we breathe, find a comfortable body position, choose a relieving action - that’s all what we have talked about so many times.
The same thing happens at the emotional level. Only a few things are required from us.
The first thing is to remember that all the emotional reactions that emerge in us, although causeless, are not at all accidental! No matter how unexpected and uncomfortable the emotion may be, for some reason it is needed. And it has the right to manifest itself in the form in which we experience it. Whatever you are experiencing is normal . You are not going crazy and you are in no way to blame for the fact that you couldn’t contain the emotion and succumbed to it!
You know, we have a lot of barriers in our heads that tell us, for example, that you can’t be angry with your children or parents, you can’t be offended by your friends, you can’t want more, you can’t be jealous... Yes, you can’t - in the sense that it’s destructive. But the emotional reaction did not go away from this evaluative prohibition, just the release of hormones remained in the body as an indefinite tension. Therefore, honesty with yourself, recognition of your real emotions, whatever they may be, is the first step towards liberation. Not “he got me,” but “I’m testing.” And since you ALREADY experience it, it means there is a reason for it to spill out.
If we realize this, if we remember that we are living a collective process of liberation from painful emotions, then when emotional garbage rises to the surface, we are able to maintain a “both-and” state: on the one hand, to experience the surging emotion, and on the other hand, how would watch the parties for their reactions. If you allow yourself to accept and let the emotional outburst through you, you will receive freedom and energy that you did not have before.
Recognizing, accepting and letting go is easy to say, but not so easy to do. However, just as during a cold you cannot suppress a runny nose and cough with pharmaceuticals, it is necessary to give the body the opportunity to free itself, so it is with emotions: the emerging emotional charge must be wasted . This is another important point. How exactly to do this is described in many materials on the site.
Open broadcast “Managing Emotions”
Open broadcast “Emotional reboot. Security keys"
Publication “How to live through emotional swings”
Collection of webinars “Working with anger”
Audio recording “How to master spring emotions”
Let me remind you of the main points.
If the emotion is stormy , rinse your hands and face with cold water, remove the emotional charge with active squats, push-ups or fast walking. In this case, it is very good for women to actively clean the house or do laundry. It helps me to walk briskly down the street, concentrating on my breathing to take my mind off my thoughts.
In general, the physical moment of burning works great: we received unpleasant news - we took a cloth in our hands and went to scrub the tiles. Double benefit - it’s been a long time since you cleaned your kitchen like this with pasta. The main thing is to keep your attention on how your muscles move, how you breathe, and tell your thoughts: I’ll think about it later. This really helps to burn off the energy charge and dissolve the veil of anxious obsession.
If you experience not a stormy emotion, but causeless melancholy , apathy, joylessness and fatigue from life - this is also not without reason and probably has a background from the past. Perhaps in previous lives you really had an experience when it was easier to die than to live - in hard labor, for example, or in dungeons...
I know that in such states you don’t even want to move. But you still need to persuade yourself to get up, do some minimal physical actions that increase your resource: greet yourself in the mirror, drink tea from a beautiful cup, admire the leaves outside the window... And then, when you stir yourself up a little in this way, take yourself by the hand and take you outside - it’s always easier in nature. Just slowly walk with the feeling of your feet on the ground, concentrate on the breeze that blows on your face, on the warm rays of the sun, on the rustling of leaves - and this will definitely help you return to yourself.
In the same area there are tears and excessive sensitivity. Even frightened men write to me that they burst into tears while watching a movie, for example, or at a children's party. Many on the eve and the holiday itself, May 9, experienced an unreasonable deep melancholy that resulted in tears, or were moved by war songs... Believe me, this is not a neurasthenic symptom or a sign of old age, it is just the vulnerability that we hid from ourselves that comes . And it can now manifest itself in such an exaggerated form of tearfulness or acute sympathy. This is temporary, just live it.
If you are ashamed to show this in public, I advise you to take time for yourself and watch some melodramas at home that will allow you to experience and express these suppressed feelings. Stop holding back your tears, as we were taught since childhood, let them flow, and you will definitely feel liberated.
Nothing helps you cope with unexpected emotions and quickly recover like routine self-care: regardless of surrounding events, without fail, morning and evening. If we don’t tune in to the coming day in the morning, don’t thank ourselves, don’t meet nature, don’t greet ourselves in the mirror, don’t ground ourselves (everyone has their own ritual), if in the evening we don’t dissolve the negative energy of the day in a basin of salt water, then any situation easily unsettles us – i.e. It’s as if we are increasing the turbulence for ourselves. Simple daily acts of self-attention create the very foundation that helps you maintain balance and, if necessary, quickly return to it.
I urge you to remember that the emotions that surface within us are an important part of collective cleansing. Accept them like changing weather. You don’t wave your fists in the direction of the rain, but simply take an umbrella, put on a raincoat, rubber boots - and now you can comfortably walk through the puddles. It’s the same with emotions: create current comfort for yourself in any state - without mental tossing, guilt and hasty actions - and simply live this period as deeply and calmly as possible, thereby helping yourself and the World.
important rule: DON'T BE AFRAID
One day I was sitting at the dining table in the country, drinking delicious tea with marshmallows, when suddenly a mouse ran out into the middle of the kitchen.
I was overcome with fear. I jumped onto the chair, closed my eyes and screamed, “Please, someone get her out of here!”
I used to do the same thing with negative emotions. Feeling fear, resentment or anger, I tried to remove the reason: I slipped away from the person who made me angry, asked someone to call the impolite administrator for me, and did not go to study with strict teachers.
It seemed to me that I was taking care of myself, but in fact I was making a mistake. By avoiding situations on the path of life that look scary or offensive (within reason, of course. Being afraid to jump from the 9th floor without insurance is an adequate reaction), I deprived myself, firstly, of impressions, secondly, I narrowed my comfort zone, thirdly, I didn’t grow as a person.
I did this because I didn't know how to deal with negative feelings.
And I didn’t know that the emotions that unpleasant people or situations evoke don’t need to be frightened and “swallowed,” driving the subconscious into the depths.
Instead, the emotion should be met calmly and with respect. Emotion is a guest who needs to be received and fed, and it will go away on its own.
This is the natural process.
By being afraid of emotions, we create interference in the process and prevent it from leaving. And from accumulated negative emotions, as I already wrote, a person gets sick. When you see a mouse, you should not jump on a chair and close your eyes, but recognize it and stand face to face with it.
Not being afraid of negative emotions is the first step to victory and a necessary condition for the methods I’ll tell you to work.
Keep your balance
Emotions are not only possible, but also necessary to regulate. Like the temperature on a thermostat, we can change the temperature of our emotions. Don't forget that you are the master, not the slave, of your inner impulses.
To feel good, calm and harmonious, your emotions should be neither too “hot” nor too “cold”. Look for the golden mean! Only balanced emotions can make you a happy and free person.
Both an excess of positive emotions and excessively depressive or aggressive behavior are not only bad for your health, but also not always appropriate! The pronounced emotions that we all have to experience from time to time disrupt our spiritual harmony and have a very destructive effect on us. This applies to both negative and positive emotions.
To avoid emotional turmoil and overload your nervous system, try to maintain balance. As soon as you feel that some emotion is overwhelming you and will soon cover you completely, focus your attention on something else: do household chores, go to the gym, cook a new dish, or just start counting mentally or out loud from one to until the emotion lets you go.
