How often do you feel lonely? Loneliness can appear both when you are alone with yourself and when there are other people around. If you don't have a partner, you will feel lonely, but there is a place for this feeling in relationships.
Luckily, there are things you can do to feel better. Check out tips from experts who offer tips on how to combat loneliness.
Make a to-do list before you feel lonely
Instead of waiting until you feel lonely, make a list of things you should do when you feel lonely. It is important to do this in advance, because if you are sad, you will not have any inspiration. Try to find activities that are helpful to others or that make you feel good. If you want to improve your mood, go for a run, ride a bike, swim, go to a museum, and if you help, even little things will be enough: you can walk the neighbor's dog, help an elderly person, or chat with the cashier. The point is to take your mind off difficult thoughts. Among other things, you can listen to music that lifts your spirits or evokes positive emotions.
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Why do we often experience anxiety and boredom when we are left alone at home? The answer is simple - HABIT.
Since childhood, we are always with our parents, educators, teachers, grandparents, older brothers and sisters, friends, classmates. There are always people next to us, especially if we live in large cities. It’s unusual for us to be alone, and often we don’t know what to do at this moment if the time for using devices and gadgets has been exhausted.
Psychologists believe that the ability to enjoy solitude is a sign of a holistic and harmonious personality. Moreover, a person simply NEEDS to be alone periodically in order to:
— physically and psychologically relax and replenish strength;
- think about friends, goals, understand yourself;
- take care of yourself - do what you love (drawing, reading, designing...), pamper yourself and your body (take a bath, play sports, cook a culinary masterpiece, rearrange your room, get some sleep, etc.);
- miss other people, finally.
The ability to be alone is formed in the same way as any other. Conduct an interesting experiment - start training the habit of being alone with yourself - without the Internet, social networks and TV, since this is also communication, but indirect. Even if life is in full swing at the moment, and there are a lot of friends and events around, find time for this during the day. Watch yourself, think, look for what you want to do, besides what you want to do with your phone. Believe me, it will be interesting!
In order to enjoy solitude, you need to develop self-sufficiency - the ability to feel happy, complete and satisfied, even when you are alone. A self-sufficient person is quite sufficient with himself; he, as a rule, is independent of social evaluation and criticism of others, which not only gives confidence, but also evokes the respect and sympathy of others. He does not impose himself and does not require excessive attention and care.
So how can you be self-sufficient?
The answer is banal - love yourself, stop doing something against your needs and interests, defend yourself in moments when your boundaries and rights are violated. Love your hobbies and interests. Love to think, dream, set goals and make plans.
If you haven't found a passion yet, then listen to yourself. Surely you liked doing something, something hooked you at least once. Through trial and error, find something to do that you won’t be bored with alone, and time will fly by. Fortunately, the variety of possible hobbies today tends to be infinite!
In addition to hobbies, our dreams, goals and plans help us to be self-sufficient. To concentrate and clearly understand what you want, and even more so to plan everything, you need silence and concentration.
Have you sat down to think about your plans and goals, but don’t know where to start? Is your head empty? Start with a simple visualization. Collect unnecessary magazines, brochures, etc. Take a sheet of paper and start cutting out pictures that are close to your desires, and make a collage out of them on a sheet of paper - maybe it will just be a mix of your images, or maybe some more meaningful picture of your desired future will be born.
Being alone with your thoughts is very useful; this is the time to make friends with yourself, stopping looking for inspiration and a taste for life in other people.
If you have any questions, you can always turn to the specialists of the Children's Helpline
8 800 2000 122
! Good luck in your endeavors! Love yourself and find time for yourself!
Listen to the stories
A great way to take your mind off your boredom is to read or listen to stories about other people. Find a podcast with stories about people from all walks of life. You will have amazing experiences and see the world from different perspectives. Listening to stories like this will help you feel connected to those around you. This evokes positive emotions and allows you to have fun.
What is loneliness
Loneliness is a person’s detachment from the real world (physical, mental, spiritual) due to the reluctance or impossibility of establishing contacts with others. According to the theory of K. Rogers, loneliness is caused by the contradictions of the individual with his own self; This is a variant of maladaptation (problem with assimilation of social experience).
- Loneliness is not necessarily associated with social isolation. It occurs, as a rule, against the background of a violation of traditional social situations of development and situational interaction of the individual with other individuals. That is, we are talking about deformation in the passage of mandatory, age-appropriate elements and the formation of interaction models.
- For example, in adolescence it is necessary to communicate with peers. If an individual was deprived of this, then he did not learn to interact with either the opposite or the identical sex. The result is loneliness in adolescence and adulthood.
Loneliness is always based on opposite poles of feelings. That is, a person simultaneously feels, for example, fear and interest.
What is pathology?
An extreme version of pathological loneliness is autism (the inability to establish social contacts with subsequent isolation). This is an independent clinical disease that requires appropriate psychotherapeutic assistance. Therefore, in this article I will not describe autism.
Instead, we will talk about non-pathological forms, which, as a rule, conceal a feeling of misunderstanding, lack of recognition, unlove, lack of support, and more. Perhaps every person has experienced non-pathological loneliness to one degree or another. As E. Fromm’s concept states, loneliness is an integral feature of human existence.
Two supporting positions clearly differentiate pathology from the norm:
- Under normal conditions, loneliness does not change the communicative and activity sphere of the individual.
- With the pathological negative destructive nature of loneliness, the sphere of communication and activity of the individual noticeably suffers.
Levels of Loneliness
Existential loneliness is the broadest level. In addition to this, social and psychological loneliness are distinguished.
- The social is caused by a misunderstanding (non-acceptance) of the culture of society (change of values, immorality, changes in the environment due to growing up and changing location), that is, it is the individual’s non-acceptance of society. But it can also be based on society’s rejection of the individual (due to low status, different views).
- Psychological loneliness is caused by intrapersonal conflicts, contradictions, and crises. A person experiences the whole spectrum of emotions and sometimes he himself does not understand why he feels loneliness. The “cocktail” of such loneliness includes personal values and attitudes, character, temperament, interests, needs and desires.
Become a volunteer
The best way to stop feeling lonely is to start giving something to others. Loneliness can increase isolation and negative thoughts, so take action to break the cycle. Try helping others, volunteer your time, and you will find that your discomfort quickly disappears. Find a way to connect with those around you and with the world. It is important to understand that you can contribute to improving life on the planet.
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Types of loneliness
I would like to introduce you to several classifications of loneliness.
According to the mechanism of perception
The first is based on the psychological mechanisms of how an individual perceives his condition and the characteristics of loneliness itself.
Alienating loneliness
A person is aware of his condition and its cause. The mechanism of detachment is activated (from norms, values, people, the whole world).
Diffuse loneliness
The identification mechanism is enabled. A person dissolves so much in society that he loses himself. He doesn't understand himself and is scared. Sometimes a person is not aware of the alienation from himself.
Dissociated loneliness
Closer to pathology than others. It manifests itself as a mixture of identification and exclusion mechanisms. First, a person “dissolves” in someone, accepts him unconditionally and begins to see himself in him (which is bad). Gradually, he begins to see his own undesirable qualities in this person. First there is a partial detachment, and then a complete one.
Managed loneliness
Something to strive for. It is a balance between self-knowledge (reflection, self-regulation, social resilience) and identification with society. It's about maintaining your uniqueness while maintaining social contacts.
By personality type
The second classification is based on determining the type of lonely people and expressing their subjectivity.
Hopelessly lonely
People who are completely renounced from society and are not satisfied with their relationships. They do not have a permanent partner or spouse, or a social circle. They don't even communicate with their neighbors. They feel abandoned and empty. At the same time, they tend to blame others (family, ex-spouses, friends) for their loneliness.
Periodically (temporarily) single
They have many social contacts and connections, are active, but need close and intimate relationships, which makes them periodically feel abandoned.
Passively and persistently lonely
These are people who constantly feel loneliness, need close connections, but are resigned and do not try to change anything, often hiding their true state (“I don’t need anyone. I have me. Everything is fine”).
Existential loneliness as a separate type
Recently, words and phrases containing “existence”, that is, “existence,” have become very popular. Existentialism is a direction in philosophy about the very essence of human existence.
Those who believe in the loneliness of all souls are susceptible to existential loneliness. That is, everything that a person has that is permanent is the soul. Otherwise, he is alone, and outside of his personality he does not feel support and support in the world as such. An adherent of this worldview believes that each person is unique in his feelings and thoughts, and therefore is always alone.
- A person feels his connection with the cosmos, his highest purpose, his supreme uniqueness. Experiences the whole range of emotions and conditions, including depression.
- Such loneliness is on the verge of pathology and normality.
- On the one hand, this is a distorted, disturbed perception of the world, constant anxiety and a feeling of loneliness.
- On the other hand, a person is usually mentally healthy. Closely related to this crisis of loneliness are questions of life and death, the essence of existence. But this is a completely different topic.
Move over
Exercising or simply moving helps relieve feelings of loneliness. When a person is lonely, he begins to fixate on his feelings. This leads to isolation and inaction. Deal with the situation by forcing your body to move.
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How does loneliness affect a person with an anal vector?
Without receiving all this from life, a person suffers. An entertaining walk through nightclubs or a long trip with a change of scenery will not help him. He suffers without a family, children, his own hearth. A person feels this suffering as loneliness, uselessness - he is ashamed to walk around like a horse, and a woman is generally obliged to be married.
Loneliness has the most detrimental effect on such a person and his fate. He looks despondent, there is resentment on his face, the folds of his lips are downturned, he constantly complains about something. He can remember all the grievances, and a bad experience received at least once in a relationship can be transferred to all relationships in the future. So it turns out that, having been burned once, then for the rest of his life he will not trust anyone, he will want a relationship, but will not be able to build one, considering all representatives of the opposite sex unworthy. And even if you miraculously manage to meet, he will destroy the new relationship with distrust and suspicion. And he will remain alone.
Possessing, moreover, a strong libido, being lonely, he experiences serious suffering, which often results in accusations against the opposite sex, sometimes in violence, and in great serious resentment for many years.
In the realized state, these are the kindest, sweetest, most honest people, the best performers, the most responsible employees, the most decent, caring and ideal mothers, wives, fathers, husbands.
Nobody loves Me. I'll die and everyone will cry
The greatest value for the owner of the visual vector is to love and be loved. This person was born with a huge emotional range and endless imaginative intelligence. He is sensual, capable of experiencing very strong emotions, both positive and negative. His main unconscious goal in life is to build emotional connections with others. These are people with whom you can have a heart-to-heart talk.
The severance of an emotional connection for the owner of the visual vector is similar to death. Loneliness is the greatest suffering for them. They definitely need someone to love and be loved, otherwise why live?
If you're lonely, you can do a lot
It is unlikely that you have really been imbued with all the delights of loneliness after reading this article. But we really hope that your mood has at least improved. Of course, it’s not easy to live without a couple or without a full-fledged family. And yet there is an opportunity to have fun. The only thing that is required of you is to understand the many delights of single life and take advantage of them wisely. Make good use of your loneliness, and then you may not want it to end.
Reasons for loneliness
The most popular reason for loneliness is the fear of rejection. Often this prevents a person from leaving his comfort zone and trying a new role, which increases the feeling of inner emptiness. It turns out to be a vicious circle.
An unfree person experiences loneliness. Someone who cannot share their thoughts and follow their beliefs. For example, he is forced to comply with the norms of some society, work in an unwanted job, live with an unloved person, infringing on himself.
Thus, the reasons for loneliness include:
- low social organization (social loneliness);
- severance of personally significant connections and relationships (divorce, death, relocation);
- loneliness complex (a personal characteristic, an element of a person’s inner world, that is, fear of possible alienation or loneliness, despite maintaining social connections);
- non-inclusion in society (existential loneliness);
- certain personality traits (narcissism, aggression, delusions of grandeur, isolation, shyness, anxiety);
- setting unrealistic goals;
- cultivation of unreasonable needs;
- lack of full communication (there is no emotional response from other people, although there may be a lot of superficial connections and communication).
There are also more global causes of loneliness:
- urbanization;
- population growth;
- competition;
- social concept of individualism;
- changes in the socio-political and economic life of the country and more.
That is, everything that separates people from each other or divides them into different “camps”.
