What is the problem with most people? They do not have the skills to communicate correctly and effectively. Therefore, they are uninteresting to others, do not know how to persuade, resolve conflicts and achieve their goals.
Today we have prepared for you a selection of 8 bestsellers, after reading which you will become real masters of communication and persuasion. In addition, we attach a link to our sprint to each book so that you can quickly familiarize yourself with the key ideas of each of them.
"The Science of Communication" by Vanessa van Edwards
Vanessa van Edwards’ book “Captivate” (published in Russian “Science of Communication”) is a 2020 bestseller about how to win people over, understand their emotions and values. The book has more than 200 positive reviews on the Amazon website and more than 600 positive ratings on the book portal GoodReads.
In her book, Vanessa van Edwards gives a lot of practical advice on how to feel confident when communicating, how to make the right impression, how to not get lost at events, how to start a conversation and get attention, how to get people to comply with your requests with pleasure.
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How to get rid of parasitic words?
The most difficult part of this process may be learning to notice them in your own speech. If you cannot notice them on your own, you may need the help of loved ones with whom you often communicate, or a voice recorder. At the next stage, you should learn to either skip them or replace them with smart words for communication; to consolidate the result, you also need to periodically listen to your own monologue recorded on a voice recorder. In the process of mastering the organization and production of your own speech, try to speak thoughtfully, logically constructing each phrase; this is the only way, after some time, you will be able to master the art of competently conducting a dialogue.
By learning to clearly structure sentences, using smart words to communicate, and getting rid of expressions that clog your speech, you will be able to make an excellent impression, because the more competently a person speaks, the more intelligent and successful he seems to his interlocutors.
"The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene
Robert Greene is the bestselling author of The 48 Laws of Power and 33 Strategies of War. In his book, The Art of Seduction, he collected tips on how to seduce and seduce other people, make them fall in love with you, influence them and force them to do what you want. And although the book's ideas may seem immoral, they can be used not only as a weapon, but also as a means of self-defense.
Like the author's other books, The Art of Seduction became a bestseller and was translated into several languages. The book has about 600 positive reviews on the Amazon website and more than 8,000 positive ratings on the book portal GoodReads.
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Getting rid of banality
The first thing you should do is try to minimize the use of hackneyed expressions and words that you use in your everyday life. For example, a banal set of words like “good”, “beautiful”, “smart”, etc. can be replaced with less hackneyed, alternative options, because for each of them you can select at least a dozen synonyms using an explanatory dictionary.
For example, the word “beautiful”, depending on the situation, can be replaced with “bright”, “elegant”, “luxurious”, “incomparable”, “magnificent”, “delightful”. “Useful” in everyday conversation can easily be used as “beneficial”, “fruitful”, “expedient”, “practical”, “necessary”. Even the simple word “smart” has many synonyms. You should remember and appeal to them as necessary. Here are some of them: “witty”, “resourceful”, “smart”, “good”, “wise”, “smart”.
It also doesn’t hurt to learn some smart words and their meaning, thanks to which you can produce the necessary effect on others:
- Idiosyncrasy - intolerance.
— Transcendental – abstract, mental, theoretical.
— Esoterics is a mystical teaching.
— A truism is a well-known fact, statement or opinion.
— Euphemism is the replacement of harsh, rude words and expressions with more acceptable and soft ones.
— Sophistry is the ability to argue sharply, to skillfully juggle words.
— Eclecticism is a combination of different types of theories, views or things.
- Homogeneous - homogeneous.
- Invective - swearing, obscene swearing.
- Decadence - decline.
- Hyperbole is an exaggeration.
— Frustration is disappointment.
- Discourse - conversation, conversation.
At first, when using smart words to communicate, you may experience some awkwardness in the conversation; your language will seem to get tangled and stumble over “new expressions.” It's okay; a new colloquial form, like a new pair of shoes, should be worn in. After a while, you will, without thinking, choose better synonyms and expressions to express your opinion.
"The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane
Olivia Fox Cabane's book, The Charisma Myth, is a bestseller about developing the ability to charm and influence others. The book received many positive reviews from critics and readers, including from the author of “The Psychology of Influence” Robert Cialdini. The book has more than 400 positive reviews on Amazon and more than 2,400 positive ratings on the book portal goodreads.com
Many people dream of being attractive and interesting, being able to manage, inspire and influence minds. However, the prevailing idea is that personal magnetism is an innate quality that only a select few people possess. In her book The Charisma Myth, Olivia Fox Cabane refutes this popular belief, convincing the reader that the idea of innate charisma is nothing more than a myth. From her point of view, charisma is a skill, a discipline, the same as playing a certain sport or playing a musical instrument.
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The art of telephone conversation
Business communication is the process of interaction between two or more people who exchange important information in the field of their professional activities. Business communication is very useful in the field of business, because business is a professional activity in which people establish contact with each other to obtain important information in order to make plans in the future, improve their career growth, improve their skills, in order to achieve their intended goal. For a business person, the telephone is one of the tools for communication with partners, so it is necessary to remember all its characteristics and avoid the most common mistakes that reduce the effectiveness of business contacts [1; 2].
The importance of telephone communication for modern business people can hardly be overestimated, since this is the easiest way to quickly establish contact; telexes, teletypes, and faxes only complement it. Important negotiations are conducted over the phone, meetings are made, and even deals are concluded. The ability of business people to competently conduct telephone communication affects their personal authority and the reputation of the company, organization, enterprise they represent. By following the rules of etiquette during a telephone conversation, you demonstrate not only your business professionalism, but also your general culture and education [3; 4].
A telephone call is one of the tools of business communication. In addition, the peculiarities of telephone communication cause a number of common errors that reduce the effectiveness of business contacts and impose additional requirements on its participants.
The main requirements of the telephone communication culture are brevity (conciseness), clarity and clarity not only in thoughts, but also in their presentation. The conversation should be conducted without long pauses, unnecessary words, turns and emotions.
Your interlocutor talking to you on the phone cannot evaluate what you are wearing, nor the expression of your face, nor the interior of the room where you are, nor other non-verbal aspects that help judge the nature of communication. However, there are non-verbal stimuli that can be manipulated in telephone communication, these include: the moment chosen for a pause and its duration of silence, intonation expressing enthusiasm and agreement [5].
John Huger outlined the following most important principles of telephone ethics:
- If you are not known where you are calling, it is appropriate for the secretary to ask you to introduce yourself and find out what reason (question) you are calling about. You need to identify yourself and briefly state the reason for the call.
- If you call the person who asked you to call back, but he was not there or he could not come, ask him to tell you that you called. Then you need to call again or tell them when and where they can find you.
- when the conversation is going to be long, schedule it at a time when you can be sure that your interlocutor has enough time to talk.
- You should never talk with your mouth full on the phone with a business person or in general.
- If the phone rings and you are talking on another phone at the same time, then you need to try to finish the first conversation, and only then talk in detail with the second interlocutor.
Usually you need to ask the second interlocutor what issue he is calling about and who to call [6; 7].
There are other rules for communicating on the phone:
- When answering a telephone call, be sure to state your name, position and organization you represent;
- You need to speak briefly and clearly so that you can be heard and understood;
- Listen carefully and try not to interrupt what is being said, do not interrupt the interlocutor in the middle of a sentence, do not show impatience in a conversation with him;
- Have everything you need on hand to record important information.
The following are the most common mistakes in telephone conversations:
- Vague chain of conversation;
- Digression from the main topic and affecting negotiations;
- The most favorable time for calling is not set;
- An aggressive call without an apology, not prepared in advance;
- There is no correct intonation of speech;
- The pace of the conversation is too fast (the interlocutor may be sure that you are in a hurry);
- Monologue instead of dialogue, lack of feedback;
- Lack of final conclusions [8; 9].
In conclusion, we note that the telephone is our business partner, cooperation with which requires certain etiquette knowledge. Practice shows that even a cursory familiarization with the rules of telephone etiquette and telephone conversation techniques significantly improves the quality of work in this area of business relations. Sometimes it is enough to clarify the most common mistakes, and many problems associated with the effectiveness of interaction with the company’s clients, its business partners and corporate image disappear, allowing you to adjust and improve the style of business behavior. Be polite in your communication, and then it will bring a lot of pleasure to you and your interlocutor [10; eleven].
The reputation of an organization, as well as the scope of its business operations, largely depends on the ability to conduct telephone conversations. Every employee should have a culture of business conversation. This culture is universal and therefore obligatory for everyone involved in business relationships. It is not only a reasonable basis for business communication, but also a reliable chance for its success [12].
"Charm Using Secret Service Techniques" by Jack Schafer
The book “The Like Switch” by former FBI special agent and psychology professor Jack Schafer (in the Russian edition “Turning on the charm using the methods of the special services”) received mostly positive reviews from critics and readers. The book has more than 100 positive reviews on the Amazon website, and more than 800 positive ratings on the Goodreads book portal.
Many people want to be charming, attractive and interesting. However, you should not be upset if you think that nature has deprived you of these talents. With the help of former FBI agent Jack Schafer, anyone can learn how to make the right impression.
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The first rule of conversation: act natural
There is a good recommendation related to social etiquette: if you understand the basic rules, stop thinking about them constantly and let things take their course. You can follow all the rules listed above, but if others think that you are conducting a conversation according to a pre-prepared template, it will seem very strange. And it doesn't matter how polite you are if you come across as insincere. Stop being pretentious. Talk about what you feel comfortable talking about. Use words that are familiar to you. As Esquire Etiquette advises:
You have often heard that the first impression of your character and background is influenced by what you say and how you say it. But this hackneyed phrase hides another very important circumstance: it is better to let it slip than to pretend to be someone you really are not. No matter what they say in women's books about "refined speech", a man's speech should not be refined; first of all, it must be natural. If you want to apologize, just say, "Sorry." There is no need to squeeze out something like: “I’m so sorry” or “I’m sorry.” If lunch was damn good, say so. Don't bother making up adjectives like "exquisite" or "delicious." Leave “my dears” to older people. And forget about such supposedly gallant phrases as “Let me” and “After you.” Etiquette does not require you to use flowery phrases. Just be yourself. Be a man.
"The Psychology of Influence" by Robert Cialdini
American psychologist Robert Cialdini became famous thanks to his book “The Psychology of Influence,” in which he outlined six principles of social influence. The book is still included in the ratings of the best books on popular psychology, and the principles of influence outlined in it should be known to every self-respecting marketer and salesperson.
In the book “Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive” (in the Russian edition “Psychology of Persuasion”), co-authored with Noah Goldstein and Steve Martin, Robert Cialdini continues his exploration of the topic of influence and shares with readers specific tips on how to become more persuasive. His advice will be useful both to those who, by the nature of their work, must convince other people, and to those who want to protect themselves from unwanted influence and manipulation.
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What not to do during a conversation
Don't interrupt. There are two types of interruptions, as the 1954 book Esquire Etiquette explains:
The first type, interrupting the speaker mid-sentence, can be easily avoided: just wait until the person stops speaking. And never ask: “Are you finished?” You might as well just say straight up that he's a dumbass and you thought he'd never shut up. Another type of interruption, which also deserves censure, is often preceded by “That reminds me of...” or “By the way...”. The use of such phrases usually indicates a deviation from the topic or the appearance of irrelevant facts. By interrupting someone else's train of thought, or directing the conversation in a different direction, you either make yourself look stupid or you don't want to stick to the topic of the person speaking at the moment.
And even if everyone follows these rules, the phone or the doorbell may interrupt you mid-sentence. If you are interrupted, the most polite thing to do is the hardest thing to do: shut up. Don't go back to what's left unsaid unless you're asked to, of course. If a new listener appears in the middle of the story, one of the polite people present will bring him up to date and ask you to continue. The newcomer (also polite) will support this request. Only after this, having briefly recounted what was said earlier, can you continue. If such a request doesn't come, it may be because your story doesn't interest the person who shows up, or because the situation has gotten out of hand: this doesn't always mean your audience is bored. And if you're given the opportunity to finish your thought later, don't show your offense by blurting out something petulant like, "As I was trying to say earlier..."
Don't talk to just one person if you're having a group conversation. Others will feel uncomfortable. You can offend a person by choosing a topic that is uninteresting or unfamiliar to him. For example, features of work that only your colleague understands, or jokes and stories like “remember how ...”, understandable only to a close friend. Start conversations on topics that anyone can join in on.
Don't talk to posers. Posers, as a rule, are not only bad friends, but also very unpleasant interlocutors. You tell him that you recently bought new boots, and in response he begins to talk about the boots that he made himself from the skin of a deer that he killed with his own hunting knife. The poser believes that his stories demonstrate his superiority, but on the contrary, they only convince of his unfoundedness.
Don't share too much personal information. We have all met people who, at the first meeting, will tell the whole story of their life. In two minutes you will already know why his girlfriend left him, how he worries about his baldness, and why he will never be promoted at work. These constant outpourings suggest hopelessness and always push people away. Stay a little mysterious, keep people intrigued and want to know more.
And at the same time, you should not delve too deeply into the personal lives of other people. Respect their freedom. To avoid accidentally offending someone, do not directly ask what interests you in another person, but voluntarily provide them with information about yourself. A person who is comfortable talking about this topic will usually in turn share their own experiences. If he doesn't act this way, change the subject.
"The Power of Preliminary Persuasion" by Robert Cialdini
Book “Pre-Suasion. A Revolutionary Way To Influence and Persuade" (“Preliminary persuasion. A revolutionary way to influence and persuade,” not published in Russian) is a long-awaited new product from Robert Cialdini, the famous social psychologist and author of the super-bestsellers “The Psychology of Influence” and “The Psychology of Persuasion.” The book received many positive reviews from readers and critics. The Financial Times named Pre-Suasion the best business book of 2020.
In 1984, Robert Cialdini published The Psychology of Influence, which has become a classic in social psychology. “Preliminary Persuasion” complements and expands it, drawing on modern experience.
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"Hidden Influence" by Jonah Berger
Jonah Berger's Hidden Influence is a best-selling book about the forces that shape our behavior unbeknownst to us. The book is recommended by: bestselling author of The Psychology of Influence Robert Cialdini, Huffington Post founder and bestselling author Arianna Huffington, Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh, bestselling author of Trust Me, I'm Lying and The Everlasting Salesman Ryan Holiday.
In his book, Jonah Berger collected many scientific facts, interesting examples and observations about what forces influence our behavior, how we ourselves can use them to our advantage and how to prevent others from using them against us.
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"Delight: 7 Triggers of Persuasion and Captivation" by Sally Hogshead
Sally Hogshead's book "Fascinate: Your 7 Triggers to Persuasion and Captivation" (not published in Russian) is a bestseller about the influence, charm and attention-holding skills so necessary for people, companies and brands in this age information satiety. The book received mostly positive reviews from readers on Amazon and GoodReads. The book is recommended by such recognized marketing and management experts as Seth Godin and Tom Peters.
In her book, author and celebrated branding consultant Sally Hogshead, who has worked with Microsoft and Starbucks, draws on history, neuroscience, psychology and anthropology to reveal the secrets of charm. How to compete in a world where people spend only a few seconds getting to know new products, ideas, and advertising messages? How to capture and hold the attention of the consumer, how to charm him?
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Read more, become masters of persuasion and effective communication. New useful collections are coming soon!
