The coming weeks, and perhaps even months, are unlikely to be good for meeting men - for obvious reasons. You envy those lucky enough to be isolating as a couple, and at the end of another day spent alone, you suddenly find yourself looking at your “ex”’s Facebook page. “What the hell should we do again?” - you think. Let's figure out whether it's worth returning to your ex, and what the relationship that was given a second chance will lead to.
There are few princes, and there are not enough for them all. While you are waiting for him, he gets stuck on his white horse in the capital's traffic jam or even prefers the neighbor's princess to you. There are a lot of such examples, especially in Russian-speaking countries, where according to statistics there are fewer men than women. And then, we are not looking for just any man, but a worthy one - successful, attractive, caring. Finding one is even more difficult.
It is not surprising that, despairing of meeting a new love, we sometimes look back with nostalgia at the old one. It doesn’t matter what was wrong in those relationships - if suddenly the opportunity to revive them arises, many women clutch at it like the last straw. And really, what if everything will be different this time?
To understand whether it will happen, I suggest you consider two situations: the first - when in the past everything ended on the initiative of a woman and the second - where a man decided to break off the relationship.
Circle 1
The worst thing is to see that the subscriber is available. Social networks and the “Online” status were invented by sadists. We were hooked on this badge like heroin addicts. If you take this flour from us, you may well end up in trouble.
So, the subscriber is there.
But for some reason, the treasured message is stuck at the writing stage, and you try not to breathe and open the “Dialogues” tab several times.
The SMS signal turned from a short flutter into a loud battle for 5 minutes.
After all, the very thought of missing a cherished message terrifies us.
Meditating Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Harper's Bazaar “If you are going to wait for something, then in the right outfit” - the mantra from Harper's Bazaar
Leave to come back
Dates, fiery nights, moving in with him or you, buying furniture and cute trinkets, grandiose plans - at first everything was wonderful. And then something went wrong. All he did was work, and you were in his second place, or he unequivocally glanced at your girlfriend, or he constantly wanted to reshape you to fit his ideas of what a “real” woman should be.
At some point, you began to notice all sorts of little things that terribly annoyed you - like open toothpaste, which ultimately became the last straw. In a word, one day you realized that you couldn’t continue to live like this, invited him to “stay friends” and breathed a sigh of relief, going in search of a more suitable option.
But time passes, and all the men on your way find themselves hopelessly married, not ready for a serious relationship, or with a dozen other “buts.” And more and more often you remember how much good there was in your past relationship with your ex-man. You were so suitable for each other!.. And the reason for the separation was erased from memory: that’s how our psyche works - we simply repress unpleasant memories so as not to traumatize ourselves again.
Succumbing to these illusions, you called him. He thought about you too! And here you are again together! Feelings flared up with renewed vigor, as if you were at home after a long, tiring journey. Everything in your relationship is so familiar and cozy, and you are in a hurry to brush aside the clouds that sometimes cross the sun of your happiness. Only after a while do you notice that the cloud appears more and more often, and your man behaves abruptly, irritably and as if deliberately bringing you to tears.
And all because you cannot step into the same river twice - very often in “old” relationships, tailored in a new way, there are many unspoken grievances hidden. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes: you’ve already left him once and hurt his male ego. And then you come back: what a wonderful opportunity to “get revenge” on you! It is possible that he does this unconsciously and even a little ahead of events - what if you decide to repeat this trick and leave him again?
By the way, most likely you will do just that. People don't change, and the reasons you decided to leave the relationship still remain.
Circle 3
We explode and throw the phone aside.
We swear and close the browser window, trying to maintain deathly silence online, while in real life plates are flying into the wall, and cigarette butts are being extinguished on the asphalt. Turning ourselves inside out, we diligently distract ourselves for a full 15 minutes, sincerely convincing ourselves that we can withstand more time.
Carly Rae and her hit “Call me maybe” annoyed many people much more than waiting for a new message. The girls from the Pussycat Dolls fled long ago, but before that they came to an agreement by singing “I don’t need a man”
Keep yourself busy
One of the best ways to distract yourself from problems and unnecessary thoughts is to work hard or have an interesting activity. Therefore, if you decide not to call or write to your guy, but you constantly want to do this, come up with a bunch of things to do and do.
At first it will not be easy for you and the temptation to simply find out how he is will be great. But the more you work, the less time you will have to think about calls and texts. Perhaps by evening you will be happy to discover that you haven’t thought about your loved one all day.
It’s no secret that, as a rule, a state of “doing nothing” helps us focus on one thought. Of course, if you lie on the couch or sit at the computer all day, it is difficult to control your thoughts. Try to expand your circle of friends and acquaintances, communicate with interesting people, leave your room more often to visit an exhibition, cinema, theater or a fun party. This will help distract you and add variety to your life.
Circle 5
The second attack of anger comes suddenly.
We are trying to tear off a piece of the table, but our strength is clearly not enough.
Cursing our own weakness and the stupidity of our interlocutor, we finally decide to devote ourselves to serving the Lord and begin to look for Anger Management courses.
Checking Dialogues periodically, of course.
Lady Gaga stood out and instead of waiting, she went to the club and got drunk. This is exactly how the song “Telephone” appeared
Psychology of relationships
You've definitely decided everything! I've eaten shit. I collected my things. She spat in the face of his disgusting cat and proudly retreated to her friend. For the first time. Until you make a million yourself.
Spend your money on a killer and shoot all his whores. Mentally burned off the hair on his legs with a gas torch and drove a couple of needles under his nails.
In a week he will let you go, you will get bored, no one will hit you on your pride anymore, and you are already sitting on a needle. And when you need another dose of a humiliatingly masochistic cocktail, print it out and memorize it:
You do not have the right:
1. Calling while drunk
Just remember, it's better to cut off your fingers than to make a phone call. Repeat like a mantra. No SMS. He may not answer you, which is even worse, or he will answer and you will quarrel again.
2. Cry for more than three minutes
No, of course, at first you can cry at least two buckets and swell up like a pig in the morning. But only a couple of times. Then for three minutes, feel sorry for yourself and turn off the tap. After a month we don't cry at all.
3. Thinking he's your soulmate
That it won’t be so good anymore, that I will love forever. Stop shaking those pink snot around your fist. All will be. Just believe.
4. Secretly dream of giving birth to him
No, did they hit you with an oar? Look at the little ones, sigh, guess about the color of their eyes. Forget. You need to give birth out of love, not out of nerves.
5. No sex with your ex!
I don't know, go to a sex shop. Sleep with all the guys in the friend zone. But not with your ex. Because the sex will be great. You are bored and the passions are high. Thoughts again, maybe we’ll get together... and hello dear dear rake.
6. Scan his Facebook
Better yet, block him and don’t go to his social network. It's like quitting smoking. If you allow one in the evening after work, you’ll never quit.
7. Remember your sweetest moments
You only need to remember the hardest part. Sober up, cross yourself and thank God for leading you away from trouble.
8. Continue to be friends with his friends
Find out “useful information” for new suffering. No, if you are a masochist and get high from torment, then you are welcome. And so his friends are his friends. Get yourself new ones and live happily.
9. Don't get fat
Get better, smoke, drink, swell, suffer, die - cross out these verbs from your life. The first rule of an ex is that you should look like Miss World in the best shape possible in a year, two, ten years. Aging gracefully after 30 years.
10. Do not post tearful nonsense from VK
For the sake of Saint Mary and the Holy Virgin, for the sake of those evenings when this Brazilian series saved you from loneliness. Don't clutter your news feed.
11. Don’t look for hidden meanings in his photos and post captions.
This sad track in his story in the rain in Moscow at night, just a track on the radio. It just rains and the rain doesn’t cry for you.
12. Don’t complain to everyone
I cried to my friend, my mother. All. Nobody cares.
13. Stop dreaming that he will crawl like a dog
Even if it falls at your feet, it shouldn’t interest you.
14. Stop drinking like a pirate
The pain will go away, but a liver transplant is expensive.
15. Go to your places
Fitness, restaurants, yoga club. Everything is now his place. Look for new ones.
16.Do not commit adultery
If after the weekend you woke up with an incomprehensible man. Do not Cry. Breathe out, call your friend, forgive your sins and never mix Jägermeister with tequila again. Please re-read paragraph 14 carefully.
17. Congratulate him on his birthday
Stop looking for a reason to write to him, but his birthday is not a reason.
18. Be sad
Dejection is a mortal sin. And also boring leisure time. Gray life. Colorless old age.
19. Thinking that all men are assholes
No one kept you on a chain, you lived, loved, and suffered voluntarily. This is your conscious choice. This leads to the last and most important point:
20. Take responsibility for your life
It’s not he who’s a goat, it’s you who want to live like that.
Of course it hurts to leave. It's always with blood and soul inside out. But this is why we need difficulties, to open new horizons. It’s just that the universe noticed that you have warmed yourself in your unfortunate swamp and are rotting peacefully.
Here's a wonderful kick for you. Go study. Do some sports. Get a guinea pig. Quit the job you don't like. There are so many interesting things in the world besides relationships, tears, suffering and pain.
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Circle 6
Trying to attract attention, we start meaninglessly posting beautiful pictures and suggestive videos.
In this series of beauty, we sip something stronger or spread a thick layer of chocolate spread on the loaf. Food becomes our best friend, while other people become class enemies. The subscriber still ignores our attempts, periodically blinking the “online” sign, as if hinting that life is still in full swing for him.
Attempts to hint about our existence via SMS lead us straight to the seventh circle of hell.
Rihanna turned to the lyrics and shot the fans in the head twice – “Stay” and “What now” really excite girls’ hearts.
Realize the benefits of your behavior
In order to understand how not to call him, first of all you should determine for yourself why you need this. Otherwise, nothing will work out for you. Try to see the advantages in your tactics. Of course, they depend on your specific situation, so find the positives in yours.
For example, you are indifferent to a guy, but you want to win his affection. Constant calls from you, messages on social networks and SMS will only irritate him: you will seem to him like an intrusive and boring person who he wants to get rid of as quickly as possible. In such a situation, it is necessary to restrain your momentary impulses and not get in touch, if only because of pride.
After all, no matter how dear a person is to you, it makes no sense to constantly sacrifice your pride. Especially if he doesn’t appreciate your efforts and tries to avoid you.
If you both decide to break off the relationship for some reason, your obsession will most likely indicate that you cannot forget the guy.
Believe me, if your relationship is dear to him, he himself will try to win you back in the near future. If he gets along just fine without you, what’s the point of returning such an alliance: anyway, sooner or later you’ll have to break up again.
Try to soberly assess the situation before thinking about how not to call him. It is very likely that when you understand why you should not do this, the desire will disappear by itself.
Circle 7
We gave up.
We waited too long and our incredibly beautiful photos did not help attract the silent one who owed us attention. Having plucked up courage, we type unrelated nonsense and press “Send”, after first convincing ourselves of our own independence. Having reached the last milestone, we again plunge into anticipation. For a split second or for hours - but our news will not change the situation.
We can only laugh, looking at ourselves from the outside and turning on the music louder to turn off our heads. Take your hands and talk to someone who is always happy to hear from you and does not force you to answer the question: “How to stop waiting?”
Blondie was the first to beg to call with their legendary track “Call me”
What to do if you really want to write to a man?
You can find out my opinion on the topic of whether you should write to a man first here. But if nothing can stop you, then by listening to these tips, you may not go wrong.
Step #1. Let the emotions subside
Women can be too emotional and suspicious. If the goal is to build a happy and normal relationship with a man, you will have to calm down a little.
Decisions should be made with a cool head. After the first date, you can easily ruin your impression with annoying calls.
It happens that a man is really interested in continuing communication, but the woman takes the initiative. Remember that this is not beneficial. In this case, leave the decisive step to him so as not to seem dependent.
Step #2. Think...
If you have been communicating for some time, and most of the initiative comes from the girl, then he may need a pause. Remember that worthy men do not approve of the “I myself” behavior model.
It is important for him to show masculinity. A woman can scare off a man with persistent messages and calls in the middle of the working day. He needs time to manifest himself, to decide on his feelings for her.
Step #3. But don't overthink it
Women tend to be dramatic. They can come up with hundreds of excuses for a man who did not write, in the spirit: he had an accident, his phone was stolen, he is in the hospital, etc. But let's be honest: what is the likelihood of such a course of events? But even if so, and he liked her, he will write after a while.
Lost your number? Even without the Internet, men manage to find girls through mutual friends and strangers.
Step #4. In any unclear situation, take care of yourself!
A lot of unnecessary thoughts pop into your head only when you have a lot of free time. In this case, I advise you: take a course, read a book, sign up for yoga, a manicure, and so on. A woman's life should not revolve around a man. If you notice that thoughts about him are taking up too much attention, shift the focus of attention to yourself.
Step #5. Don't run ahead of the locomotive
Men need more time to mature into decisive action. He might not understand himself, but you demand decisions from him here and now. Let some period pass.
I’ll tell you as a man: if I’ve decided on something, then nothing will stop me from achieving it. And there is no need for “tips” on what to do, there is no need for hints. If he needs it, everything will work out. And if not, then don’t ask yourself and him too many questions.
