A child hits his mother: what to do in such a situation

Short answer:

Any child wants to see a loving, caring mother next to him. But, unfortunately, things don’t always turn out the way you want. Especially when it comes to physical violence between mother and child, it is terrifying. One thing I want to say unequivocally is that you cannot close your eyes to this! If you find yourself in such a situation, you need to seek help from a psychologist and, if necessary, consult a lawyer. But, under no circumstances continue to endure assault!

What not to do if a child hits his mother

How to behave incorrectly if your daughter or son shows aggression:

Hit back, use force. Violence begets violence.
Screaming, cursing. This will only cause the child to become more hysterical.
Pretend, play performances with resentment or crying. Children are good psychologists; they know how to read their parents’ emotions.
Punish by “throwing” in the middle of the street or locking in a room. This will only worsen the hysteria, as the child will also have a fear of losing his mother.

Family relationships

The relationship between a mother and her child is different for everyone. Sometimes, a mother becomes a friend to her child, sometimes she simply fulfills her obligations to care for the child, of course, there are quarrels, explanations and punishments, but all this is within reason. And it happens that mothers do not care at all about their children, where they are, who they are with, what they are doing. They don't bother her either. Mothers are different, but when it comes to assault, which is also systematic, this situation already requires drastic measures. This should not be allowed, much less encouraged. The child, in this case, is under great threat while being with such a mother.

3) Physical violence towards a child.

A child who himself becomes an object of aggression will more often show aggression himself. If a child is punished physically (and it doesn’t matter whether it’s slaps or painful blows), then the child’s appearance of aggression and the desire to hit back becomes natural.

Physical aggression can come from both parents and others, including other children. But it is not a fact that the child will respond with aggression to the offender. Received blows from another child in the sandbox can be redirected to an adult. So, if your child hits you but you have never physically punished him, try to find out if he was the target of aggression from someone else.

If your child has been in this situation, discuss the emotions they experienced. Tell him that when he hits you, it hurts you too. It may be worth discussing what to do if someone else hits your child.

If you yourself use physical punishment or “innocent” spankings, pinches, slaps in your opinion as education, then try to reconsider the options for punishment or the manifestation of your own emotions.

The reasons that provoke this behavior of the mother

There may be many reasons. And in each specific case, it will be different. Let's talk about this in more detail:

Failures in your personal life. A mother may take it out on her child because of problems with the opposite sex; she may also believe that the child is the main obstacle to her on the path to a normal relationship.
Lack of patience. It happens that the mother simply does not have enough patience to endure any problems concerning the child and she does not find a better way than to hit him.
Studies. Quite a common option. Parents always want you to study well, so that you grow up to be a literate and educated person. Of course, not everyone can hit for educational purposes, or to force a child to do his homework. But there are cases when they choose exactly this method, thinking that in this way the child will obey you.
Pampering. In a couple, when a child can play around, make a loud noise or be capricious for one reason or another, the mother begins to irritate, and she can hit him on the back of the head and he will instantly calm down. This is the way to eliminate whims that some females choose.

One thing can be said unequivocally, no matter what happens in your family, no matter what problems you have (everyone has them), you should not take it out on your child because of your own failures, or because he asked something at the wrong time or brought a bad grade from school. You will not achieve anything good using the method of violence, neither for yourself nor for your child. Remember this!

What to do in this situation

If a child hits his mother in the face, you need to immediately explain that he hurt you and that such behavior is unacceptable.
If you see a baby trying to hit you, rush to intercept his hand in time.
If your little one hits you while playing, stop the activity immediately. If he gets offended by this and hits you again, leave the room.
If such behavior is a way to throw out accumulated energy, then it is better to send the child to a sports section.
If a child strikes out of the blue, most likely he needs your attention. Ask him if he might want to play, tell him how much you love him.
If this is an attempt to set boundaries of what is permissible, then it is important to tell the child how he can and cannot behave. Tell them that such behavior will be followed by punishment.
If the child’s action is a way to respond to external physical violence, then find out who is offending him. Tell us how to behave in such a situation. If violence is used by you personally, then reconsider alternative methods of punishment.
Never scold your child for such behavior. Especially if he is very small and simply does not know how to control his actions. It is important to explain everything and help the child realize the wrongness of his actions.
If a child raises his hand to you in the presence of other people, it is important that they support you, feel sorry for you, and do not pay attention to the baby.
It is important to follow the sequence of your actions. Show your child that letting go is unacceptable in any environment and at any time of the day.

External support

It is very difficult to admit to yourself that the person who is seemingly closest to you, your mother, treats you so cruelly. In this situation, it is necessary to have support from any side. This could be a close friend, a teacher at school or a relative. A child of any age must be made to understand that someone needs him, that he is not alone in this difficult period of his life. Don’t be silent about it, don’t carry everything inside yourself, share it with someone close to you. Perhaps this step will help you find a way out of this situation. Another key point is that you do not respond to your mother with evil for evil. If she hits you, under no circumstances raise your hand to her in response. Go away, cry, but don’t answer her in kind. Negative emotions lead to the destruction of a person if they cannot find a way out. Therefore, you need to get rid of them. You can go to the gym, or come to some deserted place and scream as much as you can. But don't keep it all to yourself.

Possible reasons

A way of expressing emotions. At an early age, a child does not think about his actions and will easily hit his mother if she offends him. In this way, he may be trying to show his resentment or show that he is sad.
Copying aggressive behavior. The child carefully perceives everything that is around him. Very often you can notice how a baby imitates not only the behavior, but even the facial expressions of his parent. If, in front of a child, for example, a father raises his hand to his wife, it is not surprising that the little one will begin to do the same. In addition, watching films with scenes of violence or even cartoons such as Tom and Jerry, Masha and the Bear, which show how some characters mock others, contributes to the formation of the opinion that such behavior is permissible.
Physical abuse of a child. If a child is beaten, it is not surprising that he himself begins to behave this way. It is possible that violence is used against him, for example in kindergarten, this could be either kicks from classmates or slaps from teachers.
Defining the boundaries of permissiveness. Perhaps the baby is simply trying to understand what can and cannot be done.
A way to attract parents' attention. With his actions, the little one wants to attract attention to himself, wants to be given time and played with.
Excess energy. If the baby has nowhere to waste his activity, then such behavior can become a way to throw out excess physical energy.
Feeling of uselessness. Perhaps you do not devote enough time to your child, in particular this is observed when a new baby is born in the family. This behavior of the toddler can be a way to declare that he, too, exists in this family.
Manifestation of stress. This is often observed if the child’s parents often quarrel, their relationship is on the verge of divorce. The child takes everything hard and is constantly in nervous tension.
Disrespectful attitude towards the baby. Don’t be surprised by this kind of behavior if you never take into account the child’s opinion and don’t listen to his requests.
Consequence of vigilant control. This behavior is possible if the baby is kept within narrow boundaries, his every movement is controlled, and he is forced to walk “toe the line.” This is a way of resisting increased control.
Over-the-top guardianship. A child begins to behave aggressively towards his parents if he experiences a feeling of permissiveness and satisfaction of any of his whims.

How to help yourself

As mentioned above, the main thing is not to isolate yourself. You can find a forum on the Internet with a similar situation, where children like you have gathered, talk to them, listen to their stories, share yours, you will feel better, just from the thought that you are not alone. Also contact a psychologist, this is necessary in such a situation. Remember that there will definitely be people who can help themselves, the main thing is not to close yourself off from them and try to trust them. I believe in you, you will definitely cope with this situation, the main thing is not to despair and not give up!

Personal experience “I didn’t have shock or shame”: How I started beating my mother

Several times I was tied to this terrible wooden device. A foot drill works slower than modern devices and causes extreme pain. I struggled and screamed as best I could, and every time attempts to put a filling on me had to be interrupted. As a result, my mother and grandmother realized it when I was ten years old: they saw that my teeth were all carious and crumbling. Then I finally found a good dentist.

But even though my grandmother tried to treat my teeth with sadistic methods, I treated her well, and my grandfather too. Unlike my mother, they didn't beat me. I didn’t understand then that there was a cycle of beatings in our family, in which they were also involved. I knew nothing about how they all lived before I was born. Did they beat their mother in childhood, did something happen between them that made them so angry at each other? I only knew that my mother once had an older sister. One day, when she was about thirty, she simply left home without leaving a note - apparently, she could not stand the atmosphere that reigned among us. The grandmother always spoke well of her eldest daughter and wondered what she was doing now. Mom, on the contrary, was angry with her, saying that she stole her tights when she left.

Everything my mother did, she explained by caring for me. Perhaps this really was a concern - in some very perverted sense. Up until our senior year, we did homework together every night. She was sitting nearby. I was wrong, she punched me, I cried, the pages flooded with tears, and the letters blurred. She took out a blank notebook and over and over again forced me to rewrite the task from the very beginning.

Mom was never married and never worked. For some reason she blamed her parents for this. She also apparently believed that all her problems in life were because of this. She always repeated that she wanted a different fate for me. According to my mother, it turned out that at one time she dated different guys, but none of them proposed to her. That’s why she always told me: “You don’t need to meet guys until you have a stamp in your passport.” By the age of twenty, if someone accompanied me home, she would jump out into the street and start a scandal - after all, the neighbors would see that I was “walking with a man.” My stamp in my passport was her fix. She suggested that I need to get him as quickly as possible and agree to the first marriage proposal that I receive in my life. Mom explained: with my intelligence and external appearance, there is no choice. It's good if at least someone chooses me.

I only now understand that my mother was a very unhappy person with serious mental problems. I think she may have been suffering from depression. Then, as a child, I didn’t even know what it was. Moreover, I have never seen my mother sad - rather nervous, commanding everyone.

Unable to find fulfillment either in work or in marriage, my mother chose for herself the role of housewife. She didn't let any of us do anything on our own. She called us for dinner, seated us at the table, and we had to wait for her to bring everything. If someone went into the kitchen to wash a spoon, she would rush after her, push the person away from the sink and wash herself. She wanted to completely control the house, to feel like a mistress in it. At the same time, she did poorly. Our place was always dirty, dishes were piled up on the table, and the food was not very tasty. Grandfather periodically went to the store and bought himself sausages. Mom, having caught him doing this, began to scream, and he - a two-meter strong man - rushed at her with his fists.