A willful child - mistakes in upbringing or difficult character?

Which parent doesn’t want their child to be smart, cheerful, independent, and at the same time, surprisingly, obedient? After all, the baby still doesn’t know anything about the world around him, parents think, he needs advice, help and support, and sometimes direct instructions from adults. Disobedience is perceived by parents as the height of stupidity, sometimes even as self-destructive behavior, and is necessarily stopped. But if a child does not obey his parents, there may be much deeper reasons for this than stupidity or “harmfulness.”

Give space to the child

From the first years of a child’s life, parents little by little try to teach him independence, responsibility for all his actions and independence of judgment. It is difficult for adults to stay on the edge - not to “stifle” with their advice and total control, not to “crush” with authority, not to exaggerate with the number of threats, punishments and praise.

But even advanced mothers who constantly analyze their teaching experience and the mistakes they make, giving their children the opportunity to freely communicate, have their own opinions, feel equal, and at the same time be loved and pampered, can raise a stubborn, capricious child.

Let's talk about stubbornness

Stubbornness is not a completely negative human character trait. Its positive features include self-confidence, correct perseverance, adequate self-esteem (of one’s strengths, intelligence...). Stubborn people know how to set a goal and achieve it, even if the circumstances and people around them resist. On the other hand, a very stubborn child from time to time will not take into account the opinions of mom and dad and especially grandparents (if they, of course, take part in upbringing), respect them (or pretend to). For adults this is a really difficult situation. Raising a stubborn child can turn into a difficult, exhausting, and sometimes futile struggle for parents and older generations. Moreover, this is a struggle not “for”, but “against” - the dearest, most beloved and so dependent on adults little person.

Inability to control emotions

So why is the child stubborn? It is quite difficult to understand the origins of his incorrect behavior. It seems to adults that children who do not yet go to school have an absolutely calm life without worries. After all, they don’t even need to learn lessons yet. But psychologists believe that stubbornness first appears in children at the age of three: it is then that children begin to evaluate their personality and themselves in a completely new way. At this age, children begin to become acquainted with new emotions, but they have not yet learned to control them. The result is a very vivid reaction to words and events. It manifests itself in the form of whims, disobedience, hysterics and resentment.

Why are children stubborn?

Stubborn children are often said to have character. This character trait appears when there are problems with social adaptation. The emergence of stubbornness in children is observed when they are trying to subjugate them. If a child refuses to do something, and parents put pressure on him, this leads to increased family conflict.

Important ! If a child often wins victories in certain situations, then over time he can become a domestic dictator.

Stubbornness develops in a child if parents try to teach him new skills and abilities before the required age. If parents allow their child to play in the sandbox and give instructions not to get dirty, this leads to violations.

The neurotic form of stubbornness is the most severe in children. If parents try to overcome stubbornness with their persistence and steadfastness, this leads to serious problems in the form of stuttering and delayed speech development.

The development of stubbornness depends on the type of nervous system of the baby, which is laid down at the genetic level, as well as on the characteristics of upbringing . If innate qualities appear, it is very difficult to overcome them. In this case, it is recommended to adapt to the baby and take into account his characteristics in the upbringing process.

Stubbornness is a response to age-related crises, as well as the attitude of parents. If adults want to completely subjugate a child without leaving him the right to choose, then this becomes the cause of stubbornness. With this method of upbringing, the child cannot fulfill the responsibilities assigned to him. For example, if a child was shown several times how to tie his shoelaces at the age of three and is required to repeat it.

If the baby cannot do this, then the parents perceive his behavior as malicious intent, without taking into account subjective perception and objective reasons. When such a situation arises, parents have one desire - to break the protest using force. This leads to increased stubbornness. The child understands that he must defend his opinion by all means available to him in order to convey to his parents that he is right.

With such relationships, the child subsequently experiences excessive cruelty towards his peers. Cold family relationships traumatize the child’s psyche, so he has no trust in others. In this case, there are two ways of development. In the first of these, the baby learns manipulation and takes the position of dictator in his family. In the second case, there is a loss of activity of the child and his submission to all the demands of parents, adults and peers.

Attention! If submission occurs at school age, then this leads to the development of a crisis, which is accompanied by the destruction of all parental systems and the return to others of all the accumulated destructive energy suppressed since childhood.

Stubbornness can occur as part of the normal development process. For example, if at the age of five a child becomes aware of his independence and individuality, then he will do everything in defiance of adults. At this age, the concept of one’s desires and needs comes, the satisfaction of which makes sense, which leads to the formation of personality. When obstacles arise, stubbornness increases.

With various changes in a child's life, stubbornness often appears. This is observed when changing place of residence, daily routine, meeting new people, etc. This happens in the form of an adaptation mechanism. If the child returns to his familiar environment, then stubbornness disappears.

A little girl in a red jacket, in pigtails, stands and grimaces

Reasons for children's stubbornness

Yes, it happens that a stubborn child grows up in a family. How to raise such a child correctly? To correct his behavior, you first need to establish the reasons why he is stubborn. Most often, the following factors lead to disobedience in children who do not yet attend school:

1. Emotional background in the family. If a child sees frequent conflicts between parents and other family members, then stubbornness will be a natural reaction to this. This is how the child tries to attract the attention of adults.
2. Crisis of three years. Psychologists believe that a child goes through his first age crisis at the age of three or four years. It was during this period that significant changes were observed in his behavior. Stubbornness is precisely one of the clearest manifestations of this.
3. Individual characteristics of a preschool child. We must not forget that the baby is also a person, therefore, he develops his own temperament, his own character. It is possible that stubbornness is simply part of a child's character.
4. Features of education. Treating your baby too softly can often lead to him feeling like he's the center of the whole family's filming. And in this case, children's stubbornness will be a response to any “disobedience” on the part of mom and dad. The situation will be exactly the same in families that practice very strict rules of upbringing.

It is possible and it is not possible

Be consistent when rewarding and punishing your child. Children must understand what is wanted from them and strictly follow the rules. You must clearly explain the scope of what is permitted:

• permitted actions (for example, the son decides for himself what to spend his pocket money on);
• allowed actions with conditions (you can play on the computer, but after your homework is done);
• unauthorized actions with an exception (during travel you can go to bed later than usual);
• complete ban (no swearing).

It is important for a child that his parents see him growing up and trying to do adult things. No less important is the awareness of children that, in addition to rights, there are also responsibilities, and, in addition to external signs of growing up, there is responsibility for the actions committed.

Become a friend to your children whom they can turn to with requests, come for advice and trust.

If a child were as experienced as an adult, he would not be a child. It is because of the lack of life experience that all disagreements between children and parents occur. This must be remembered constantly, regardless of the reason for disobedience and the age of the child. Don't demand the right actions from children, first help them become more experienced.

Tags: Doesn't listen

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• What should parents do if their child skips school?
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• How to properly raise a 9 year old boy

How to make contact?

In a family where a stubborn child grows up, parents know that it is very difficult to come to an agreement with him. The baby already has his own opinion, and if mom or dad doesn’t agree with him, a serious conflict can arise. Attempts to persuade a child to do something or even force him usually end in an emotional outburst. Parents, on the one hand, should not succumb to such behavior, and on the other, they should not resist. After all, at first the stubborn child will still be the winner. What to do in this situation? The best thing adults will do in this case is to begin to establish contact with the baby, and then begin to re-educate him.

Parents should understand that their child’s stubbornness is not a behavioral defect in most cases. This is how the baby tries to show internal emotional tension. Therefore, the usually used system of rewards and punishments does not give the desired effect, but only aggravates the situation. You need to start with something simple - communicate with your child as often as possible, even when whims appear, adults need to calmly react to this. You can’t stop the dialogue, you can’t go to another room, and you also shouldn’t give in to manipulation. Most likely, this will be enough - the baby will understand that it is useless to put pressure on parents with stubbornness, and will not use it.

Signs of a stubborn child:

• Children experience strong outbursts of anger. All kids are capable of throwing a tantrum. In stubborn children it is accompanied by anger for a long time. They cannot overcome irritation using methods acceptable to them;
• children demand explanations. They want to know why something happens, why they should do certain things. If parents answer this question with the phrase “Because I said so!”, then this leads to anger and aggression;
• the child is prone to endless arguments. If the baby does not agree with a certain opinion, then he will defend his point of view to the end. Using stubborn persistence, which exhausts those around you, produces results;
• Children are characterized by a commanding tone in behavior. They have their own vision of the order of things, so they carefully select methods for bringing their ideas to life. They have no embarrassment or confusion, so they tell their peers and adults what to do;
• if a child does not want to perform a certain action, then he will persistently refuse it. The children stand their ground. Requests and arguments do not help them;
• characteristic feature is impatience. Children cannot stand in lines in stores, they show impatience in play when a certain item is used in turn;
• the child makes his own rules. Such children are not interested in the opinions of others. They do not ask their parents about the daily routine, but set their own rules;
• if the baby believes that he deserves something, then he will insist on receiving it. He is not interested in what is needed, but does everything to satisfy his desires. If he wants to go outside in rainy weather, he will stand his ground to the end;
• An important characteristic of a stubborn child is that he ignores warnings that he does not want to hear. For example, if parents tell you to go faster, and the child is not interested in this, then he will not obey;
• If a child is not interested in doing something, then his actions will slow down. When interest appears, the baby will fuss excessively and at the same time rush the adults.

Important! Stubbornness is a child’s character trait, which has certain manifestations. Parents should not ignore them, as this character trait can have negative consequences.

A small child sits at the table, resting his head in his hands, in front of him is a plate of food

Reacting to stubbornness

If a stubborn and disobedient child grows up in a family, it is important to learn how to respond correctly to his behavior.

Mom and dad need to find a compromise. And kindly and with patience. For example, a daughter wants to wear a New Year’s dress to kindergarten. She tearfully refuses to try on something else that her mother offers her. In this case, you can agree that in kindergarten she will wear beautiful shoes, a festive hairstyle and an elegant handbag. And you can save the dress for some holiday, for example, for the New Year or the celebration of one of the children. Sometimes you can give in to the child, only by explaining that this is not the result of his whims, but the good will of the mother. Here we mean something simple, but not important situations and serious matters, such as going to the doctor or vaccinations. Let (in very rare cases) a growing child of 5 years old - stubborn and capricious - make his choice and act as he himself wants. Sometimes parents have to let him pay for his mistake.

Adults must control themselves. Regardless of what the baby does or says (“I don’t love you!”, “You’re wrong!”). We must understand that his behavior and character are the result of his parents’ pedagogical efforts and some miscalculations. We need to talk to a capricious baby. Take the time to explain your position and its benefits. But under no circumstances should you put pressure on the child or threaten him. After all, such methods do not work with real stubborn people.

Stubborn child - how to set boundaries

The idea that parents are most often to blame for the development of a child’s stubbornness is not new and is well founded, so there is an urgent need to develop an education system that would help avoid such distortions. One of the most popular methods is the Mackenzie system for setting the boundaries of what is permitted for a stubborn child. The author believes that the basis of stubbornness is temperament, which corresponds to many scientific studies on the relationship between stubbornness and the strength of the nervous system, and accordingly it is a kind of innate style of behavior and knowledge of the world, which can have both soft and invisible forms to others, and take on the scale of tragedy for an individual taken family.

The first thing parents need to do is to reconsider their own parenting styles, since some of them only provoke aggressive and stubborn behavior in such children. Thus, the authoritarian style, where force is taken as the basis, the child is brought up by submission and fear, is quite firm, but there is no respect in it. For gentle and obedient children, such an attitude is too intolerable, and they choose to obey when those who are stronger emotionally do not tolerate such an attitude and start a riot, responding to disrespect with disrespect, and to intimidation with evil and protest.

It may seem that the most effective here will be a respectful and non-strict style of education, when parents expect the child to independently understand the need and take steps towards it. The problem is that such an attitude is conniving and does not give the child an understanding of the boundaries of this world, which he is not able to form on his own; this requires adults with a fairly strong position. As a result, such freedom can turn into a dictatorship of a child, anarchy and the absence of any control. Alternate alternation of such approaches does not produce results - it only confuses the child, throwing him into different extremes and finally cutting the ground out from under his feet. The only possible option that works with stubborn people is a democratic style, when parents are quite firm in their beliefs and actions, but at the same time the child is given the opportunity to make decisions, make choices, and solve problems in areas available to him. Power is not taken away completely and placed at anarchic disposal, but the child’s zones of influence on the situation are clearly defined, with full responsibility for the choice he makes.

The strength of the parent’s position will be constantly tested by the child, so it is necessary to strictly adhere to your own rules (i.e. if you said that you will not buy this toy, then you do not buy it, even if they beg you, suck up, threaten, negotiate or fight in hysterics at floor). It will not be easy to withstand the test attacks the first few times, but in the future there will be fewer of them, and communication will improve, and it will become clearer for the child himself to navigate in a world where what is said remains indestructible.

When you express your dissatisfaction, it should sound as specific as possible and be accompanied by actions - statements that you will be angry or that the child will be punished in the evening are not perceived by children in any way. It is best to outline which actions of the child will lead to what consequences (disobedience in the park - to returning home, refusal to do homework - to the absence of evening games) and, most importantly, then implement what was said. Remember that your words are checked for accuracy every time. You should not enter into disputes or agreements, since all this calls your boundaries into question and gives rise to the idea that, if not for good, then they can be moved by tougher methods. At the same time, if you notice that you yourself went too far in showing aggression and somewhere violated the child’s boundaries, then apologize and explain your behavior from an emotional point of view, tell them that you were very upset, but still love him. Such examples also help the child find more constructive methods of interaction.

Interacting with a stubborn baby

Raising a stubborn child and communicating with him should be built on the principles of trust. Then it will be a little easier to interact with him.

For the little ones, the option with distraction is suitable. This method will be most effective for those who are experiencing a crisis at the age of three. You can carry small bright objects with you - whistles, toys, books, balloons, soap bubbles. If the baby is stubborn and does not want to leave a walk on the playground, you can whistle whistles, inflate colorful balloons, sing songs or tell poems (the mother should know a lot of them and quote them on various occasions) and fairy tales.

It often happens that nothing seems to have happened, but the child is stubborn. 4 years is the age when fairy tale therapy is still a separate item. Many of the famous Russian folk tales are suitable for drawing conclusions about the harmfulness of stubbornness. For example, “Masha and the Three Bears” - a girl, without listening to her mother, ran into the forest, just like that, out of pure stubbornness. And there she ended up in a hut where a family of bears lived. Everyone knows how it ended. Or “The Tale of Little Red Riding Hood,” in which the girl did not listen to her mother and began talking to the gray wolf, telling him where she was going and why. The result is also known to everyone.

A warm, respectful, kind family atmosphere will be beneficial. Constant “hugs”, things that can and should be done together, occupational therapy (taking into account the baby’s age and gender) will help neutralize the peculiarities of raising a stubborn child. After all, often his stubbornness is just a sign that the baby is uncomfortable, he is offended by his parents, he is stressed, and he does not feel happiness in the house. You just need to love your child, no matter how disobedient, capricious, or stubborn. Then he will learn to appreciate, respect, and love his parents. And, if possible, obey.

An attack of childish stubbornness and the actions of parents

For a little person, stubbornness is a natural trait. It rarely happens that this trait remains forever. Stubbornness is a temporary way of testing the limits of the psychological stability of people around you. Helps parents act correctly

Teaching your child to cope with stress and express themselves without hurting others is not easy. It depends on the parents whether the child will be ready to cooperate, whether he will be stubborn and “difficult” for a long time. By following these tips, you can more easily cope with your child’s bouts of stubbornness.

• Don't worry about the child. Just accept his whim called "stubbornness"
• During an attack, stay close to the child. Try to let him know that you sympathize and understand his suffering.
• Don't scold or lecture. The child is very excited and does not hear you
• Don't change your decision. Your "no" is unshakable
• Show your persistence, even in the face of stubbornness in a public place. Take the child by the hand and lead him away from this place without paying attention to anything.

Your patience and love prevent the emergence of aggressive stubbornness.

A bad trait only in childhood

During children's whims, it is quite difficult for adults to control themselves. In front of them is their beloved, adored, but such a stubborn child. How to behave correctly with him?

We must remember that if parents scream and show their anger to the child, he becomes convinced that he has managed to manipulate adults with certain tools. It is quite understandable that when a child comes to such a conclusion, it is not a fact that he will stop being stubborn. Most likely, his cruel experiment will continue.

So, a stubborn child grows up in a family. How to set boundaries of what is permitted? First of all, we must try to understand that stubbornness is a bad trait only in childhood. In the future, she will help the child, making him more confident in his own abilities, giving him the opportunity to defend his point of view in any situation. That is why it is very important not to nip in the bud all the “harmfulness” of the child, not to overdo it in raising the child too firmly, literally from under the stick, and try not to suppress his craving for actions and arguments in defiance.

A wayward child or seven typical mistakes of parents

Despite the fact that the described type of children is quite rare in nature, we can significantly improve our relationship with our child and it will become easier to find a common language with the head of the dolls.

In an effort to correct a child’s behavior and make him obedient, we often act not only ineffectively, but also make mistakes that have the opposite result: the youngster begins to throw potatoes in hysterics. Excellent insights into what exactly is going wrong can be obtained by studying the approach of Canadian psychotherapist Gordon Neufeld; in Russia, his concept is often called “attachment theory.” She explains how important attachment relationships are to a child's growth. In fact, the theory is revolutionary for our culture. All our usual baggage consists of the belief that raising a child means making titanic efforts to correct everything wrong that he has inside and outside.

We point out mistakes, reprimand, speak morally, explain about slobs, bullies and whiners - a familiar educational process. In fact, what if he gets used to it, gets used to it, becomes spoiled? It is necessary to point out, explain, direct. Of course we should. However, obedience is formed in a completely different way, and all parental instructions go down the drain of a toy locomotive if we forget about the main thing: an obedient child is a person who trusts us, wants to please us and feels safe next to us. It is no coincidence that authoritative psychologists, such as Yu.B. Gipenreiter admit that they prefer the verb “to raise” to the verb “to educate.” There is simply no coercion in it, which is practically heard in the usual “educate.”

WHAT ARE WE DOING WRONG?

1. We assign responsibility for what the child is not ready for.

When we demand that a four-year-old urgently get off the swing, we must take into account that he may not be happy at all. The ability to have mixed feelings (the swing is good, it’s a pity to get off, but I also don’t want to upset my mother, I’ll ask him to fly for another minute) occurs under favorable conditions no earlier than 5-7 years. In the meantime, you just hear a loud “Nooo! Never!" spreads over your neighborhood. It must be taken into account that until a person’s frontal lobes have sufficiently developed, he cannot conduct competent time management of his stay on the site, cannot control himself when a kitten is taken away, and is not able to predict what will happen if he shakes the soda vigorously, and then open it over the velvet sofa. Do not demand the impossible - do not deprive the child of support.

2. We put a lot of pressure and cause resistance.

Under the pressure of total control, it is completely natural to resist. Yes, and any person will roar when his grandmother chose a spoon, porridge, a bun, a hat for him, and now tells him exactly how to step on the step. You are thirty years old! How can. And it's even worse for the child. More pressure, more resistance: “I said put down the phone!” To put it down in this case is simply a defeat. Choose ways to work around such situations. Somewhere you can offer a choice, somewhere you can reduce your persistence, somewhere you can transfer the story into the plane of a game: “Surrender, soldier! Surrender your entire arsenal, you are captured!”

3. We do not capture the child’s attention.

The mother shouted her request from the kitchen three times, and the child seemed to go deaf. She delivers her fourth message in the role of a furious fury, waving a washcloth and accusing the surprised child of various mortal sins. There is a very simple trick based on childhood instincts: if you want a person to stop making holes in a cowhide drum, just tell him about it, looking into his eyes. Children are suggestible creatures. You sat down, directly met the person’s gaze, clearly and calmly repeated your wish, and you’re done. The likelihood that you will be understood has increased several times at once, compared to that unsuccessful method of screaming from the kitchen.

4. Forming an “alpha complex.”

The alpha position is the position of the main one. Normally, of course, the dominant position belongs to the adult, you decide, you care, you feed, you know best. But when a child suddenly decides that it is not safe for him to be dependent on you, he turns on his own control system - the “alpha complex”. He takes on unnecessary responsibility, makes independent decisions, and, in general, gets out of control. Olga Pisarik, a popularizer of Neufeld’s theory, writes in the brochure “Attachment is a Vital Connection” that the alpha complex can arise in children who are taught the need for independence too early. It’s probably great that a person can put on his shoes himself and go for a walk, but if he asks for help, you shouldn’t refuse the child: it’s not difficult to pull on this unfortunate sock. Also, a child can take a leading position if he feels fear of separation. Suddenly you go somewhere, and he is small and dependent. It is much better to be in charge in an alarming environment and jump on the table, no matter what. In general, it is important for a parent not to let go of the steering wheel.

5. We try to influence the child when he is in protective alienation.

Defensive withdrawal is a child's instinctive desire to avoid being close to you. As you can guess from the name, in this way the child is protected from something painful: resentment, separation, fears, too much vulnerability, which begin to threaten as soon as you find yourself together. It’s unlikely that any of the modern parents lock their children in a dark closet, but many manipulate with threats that are terrible for the child: “Now mom will be offended and leave forever!”, “If you play around, your uncle the policeman will take you away!”, “Well, get out of here.” so that my eyes don’t see you!” All these phrases can create the impression that you shouldn’t really get used to you, not much will happen, the police are again wandering around nearby. Make friends with your child. Try not to hurt him, and when the baby comes out of the alienation, you will see what an extremely obedient person he is.

6. We don’t see the difference between whims and real needs.

It is customary to consider the needs for food and sleep to be the true needs of a child, and all the rest as nonsense. Or vice versa - to believe that a flashing hang glider is the most urgent need of a small family member. But confusion on this issue can greatly complicate matters. Children have really important needs, and the most important of them is the need to be in contact with a significant adult, to experience feelings of belonging, similarity, love, to be accepted and understood, regardless of some behavioral deficiencies. This is a need. And the hang glider, of course, can be neglected, because next to you is you - a person who is so pleased to cry into his collar. The surprising thing is that a child with a satisfied need for acceptance and love will not lose his head in the children's department.

7. Give standard reactions.

In interacting with children, Russian people are accustomed to a behaviourist, behavioral approach. Soviet boys were brought up under constant pressure of guilt and shame; one mistake and that’s all – a bad boy. Wait, he just tore the book. No, shame on him!

The entire Soviet ideology was concerned with educating a new person, remaking the old model into a new, hardened, stable one. And now, if you follow the phrases of our responsible and serious grandparents, you can hear: “Oh, what a shame, oh, bad girl!” All around was the fear of rejection and exclusion, from school, from the October students, from the family: “You are not my son anymore,” says the mother from the story of E. Nosov, when her schoolboy son brought home cucumbers from the collective farm field. Obedience was the way to be accepted. To go beyond the limits is an unthinkable offense. Now our goals are different, and our reactions are from somewhere in 1965. We seem to strive to raise free, self-confident people with unique personal qualities and we know, thanks to modern psychology, that the fear of rejection and rejection is terribly traumatic. But often by showing our dissatisfaction, we demonstrate that the child is not good enough for us. Whenever you want to give out something standard, you need to ask yourself whether something in the mechanism of your relationship with the child will go wrong.

Reasons for stubbornness

There are many situations in which parents worry that they have a stubborn child growing up. How do you set boundaries on what is and isn't okay?

We must immediately point out that this quality manifests itself in children who are two years old. This is due to the fact that children grow up, they develop an understanding that they can influence events or even become a central figure in them. Quite often, such difficult behavior of children helps them increase their self-esteem, because as soon as they begin to persist, parents begin to persuade them or even voice threats. Most of the kids watch this with a smile. Especially if these threats from parents remain verbal.

This is how a stubborn child has fun. How to set the boundaries of what is permitted in communicating with him and in raising him?

The only way to do this is to resort to tougher measures. Parents should come up with a few main rules and try to teach their child to follow them. There shouldn't be many rules. The main thing is that they are uncomplicated. And it is very important not to deviate from the rules you created yourself. The child must understand what his responsibilities include and how he will be punished if he refuses to fulfill them.

How can a stubborn child be punished? How to set the boundaries of what he is allowed to do and what is prohibited?

When you have to raise a stubborn person, it is very important not to show him your own softness. If the baby behaves badly, and his mother told him to go to his room without dinner, you need to follow your own words. After all, a stubborn child must understand that parental words have weight.

If in a store the baby does not ask, but demands to buy him a toy or sweets, you should clearly explain why the mother cannot buy it right now. A motivational system is useful for stubborn people. For example, come up with a rule according to which, if a child cleans up his toys himself, then you can reward him with a delicious chocolate bar, a small doll or a car.

If your child is stubborn about food, you should not rush to punish, but try to figure out what exactly he doesn’t like. There is no need to force him to eat; it is better to try to find a better alternative.

Only a parent's firm and confident tone can stop the child's unacceptable actions. The baby must immediately understand what mom or dad wants from him. You should not ask your child questions like “Why are you doing this?”, because they contribute to the child’s philosophical thinking. You just have to say: “Stop,” “Stop it immediately.” But when the baby follows the order, you must be prepared for the fact that you will have to answer his many questions. He will want to know why he shouldn't play with matches or touch a hot iron. The mother needs to stop everything she is doing for literally five minutes and talk to the baby, giving him a clear answer.

Stubbornness of children

Hormones are a stubborn and powerful thing. They “force” the child to roll around on the floor, twitch with his whole body, and scream until he is hoarse. Having rested a little, show your whims again.

The beginning of stubbornness is easily understood by the symptoms: children bang their heads, arms, and legs on everything that is near them, and the screaming takes their breath away, followed by fainting. But all this is not scary. The child begins to breathe again after a few seconds. Cold applied to the frontal part of the head will alleviate this condition of the child. Persuasion will not help - the child does not hear or see you at this moment. He panics even with a light touch, as he does not control himself. It is important for parents to remember

An attack of stubbornness lasts from a minute to half an hour, and sometimes longer. The child becomes tired from the attack and after the attack remains exhausted.

No one can foresee the outbreak of stubbornness. Children's plans cannot be fully understood. Give your child physical and spiritual freedom. Distract your child with something new and interesting, then stubbornness can be avoided. This helps at the very beginning of an attack.

Do not distract your child with directions or shouting while playing. Children don't like this. Gradual preparation for change helps.

Arrange a time for the game in advance. This will help you get ready for care without whims. Or a quarter of an hour before meals, warning the baby about the end of the game helps to avoid stubbornness.