How to get rid of bad habits in two simple steps

Habit shapes the character and direction of a person. For example, if a person has many bad habits (smoking, alcohol, swearing, and others), then his orientation often becomes antisocial. If a person is used to overeating and cannot control his desires, then he is called weak-willed, weak-willed. Is it possible to break habits? Yes. Willpower, motivation and practice will help with this.

The myth that a habit is formed in 21 days has long been dispelled. In fact, this is an individual indicator. Forming a habit, as well as getting rid of it, can take from 18 to 254 days. But don’t get upset, quit this article and give up right away. It is possible that 18 is your number. Let's figure it out on what it depends.

Conquer your inner critic

The very first step of getting rid of bad habits is very simple: you need to forgive yourself for your imperfections.
Our inner critic very often does not allow us to even move from our place, hooking us on the needle of guilt. So, make a list of all the things in which you are not perfect: greed, jealousy, inability to speak well or be friendly. All your bad habits - from picking your nose and growling at the dog to things that really hurt your loved ones.

Now try to listen to the inner voice of the critic that tells you that you are not good enough at something. It may sound like this: “You will never lose weight and die a 50-year-old virgin,” “Why don’t you finish your project,” “You will never learn anything and achieve success.”

Don't regret spending ten minutes, even if it's not very pleasant. You need to get it all out. And when you're done, tear up the list. It will become easier.

Nanohabits. Small steps that will lead to big changes

B.J. Fogg

Eksmo Publishing House, 2020

My master plan consists of three phases for eliminating unwanted habits.

First, new healthy habits are created. Then we focus on stopping a specific action associated with the old habit. If this doesn't work, the third phase begins - replacing the old habit with a new one.

Each phase is divided into steps, which I've diagrammed in the appendices (they're too detailed to include here, but you can check them out below).

Traditional methods of behavior change (at least those that work) are also part of my Master Plan. Think about motivational interviewing, a counseling technique that helps clients discover their motivations. This is the traditional approach that I think is worthwhile. After such an interview, a person better understands why he wants or does not want to perform a specific action.

Having a partner also plays a big role. Responsibility to him has a direct bearing on motivation. And your partner can influence your abilities, suggest how to complicate the performance of unwanted actions and even make them impossible. If you're trying to use less technology, your partner might suggest setting a timer that turns off the Wi-Fi at 8 p.m. Surfing the Internet late into the night will become much more difficult (thank you, responsible partner).

The master plan shows the complex work of proven techniques and how they help unravel the knots of unwanted habits. In addition, the plan specifies the sequence of steps. This is not just a list of techniques or a set of instructions. This is a whole algorithm for creating change by untangling the knots of habits that cause you pain.

You are ready?

Prepare yourself for a long journey

Remember that getting rid of bad habits is not a 100 meter race, it is a marathon.

There are many theories about how long it takes to develop a new habit. The optimal period is three months, so be prepared for the next three months to be difficult.

You will have a couple of difficult days, but they will pass. And very soon you will begin to experience pleasant feelings of pride and self-respect from following your regime.

There is one very good technique called “Living One Day at a Time.” Its essence is simple: if you want to break out of your regime, then tell yourself: “Okay, I’ll do it, but tomorrow.” And the next day, repeat the same phrase for your brain. This constant procrastination can easily drag on for several months, and that will be enough for you to develop a new good habit.

How celebrities broke bad habits

A stellar lifestyle is conducive to all sorts of excesses and addictions. However, more and more world celebrities are switching to a healthy lifestyle. Here are some examples.

Britney Spears

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Found my white booty shorts ????

Posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) Mar 23, 2020 at 5:26 am PDT

The famous American singer Britney Spears struggled for a long time with a whole bunch of addictions, because of which she quit the stage, lost custody of her children and ended up in a mental hospital. At a difficult moment, her parents supported her. To eliminate all temptations, Britney's father, through the court, protected her from communicating with people who could lead her back to alcohol and drug addiction.

Britney Spears took up music seriously again, received permission to see her children, and step by step returned to a normal lifestyle and world fame.

Cindy Crawford

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Squeezing in a workout (literally) with @SarahPerla1! ??

Posted by Cindy Crawford (@cindycrawford) Feb 27, 2020 at 10:23 am PST

Supermodel Cindy Crawford did not suffer from terrible vices, but she did not like to exercise. Although she understood that in her work a beautiful body is not a luxury, but a necessity. To form a healthy habit, she stopped thinking about what was unpleasant for her, and focused entirely on what needed to be done.

The result more than compensated for the moral costs. And soon training turned into an exciting activity. Cindy Crawford has released motivational fitness video tutorials that are very popular.

Bill Clinton

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In 1983 the month of May was established National Physical Fitness and Sports Month. To celebrate that initiative here is a photo of President Clinton jogging on the National Mall with members of the President's Council on Physical Fitness including Tom McMillen, Florence Griffith Joyner and others on July 16, 1993. #jogging #fitness #clintonlibrary #presidentiallibaries #sports #billclinton

Posted by William J. Clinton Library (@wjclibrary42) May 17, 2018 at 12:05 pm PDT

Bill Clinton always loved to eat, and the food was by no means the healthiest - French fries, donuts, barbecue. After such excesses, the ex-president’s health noticeably deteriorated. I had to urgently review my diet and switch to healthy foods.

Today Bill Clinton is a strict vegetarian - he does not eat animal products.

Avoid triggers

There are special triggers that activate the mechanisms of destructive behavior and bad habits. For example, if you have a problem with alcohol, then it is better not to go to bars at all and not even to go near the alcohol shelves in the supermarket. If you are depressed or make impulse purchases, avoid shopping.

To reduce the impact of such triggers, you can create a safety phrase for yourself, “If-then.” An example of a safety phrase: “If I see a bar, I’ll cross to the other side of the street” or “If I want to eat a donut, I’ll eat a few carrots.”

The brain must know how it should act if you are suddenly drawn to something “criminal”.

What is a habit?

“Habit is second nature” - Aristotle.

• When talking about bad habits, we more often remember smoking, alcoholism, swearing, overeating, lack of sleep, but these are not all the shackles of our life.
• But what about the habit of putting things off until later, going to bed late, mindlessly scrolling through your social media feed, walking everywhere in heels, chatting with a friend during training instead of playing sports, talking on the phone while driving, and much more.

From the perspective of psychology, a habit is a need to perform some action, that is, an element of human activity. The mechanism of habit formation is very similar to skill formation. But if a skill is more related to the actions themselves, then a habit is more related to motivations. For example, after teaching a child the skill of washing his hands, it is important to form a habit, that is, an incentive to always wash his hands before eating.

The role of needs in the formation of habits will become more obvious if we remember the most popular formulations (in brackets - what is meant):

• I’m used to getting up late (I want to sleep, I want to rest);
• I’m used to this person (I need his care, status, money);
• I'm used to gifts (I need attention);
• I'm used to smoking a cigarette in the morning (I need to wake up);
• I'm used to drinking on weekends (I need to relax and have fun);
• I’m used to avoiding answering (I don’t want to be responsible);
• I'm used to putting everything in its place (need for control and order);
• I’m not used to having dinner so late (I don’t want to gain weight, I want to be healthy).

Habits can be useful and harmful, conscious and unconscious. For example, the habit of returning home late may indicate discomfort due to loneliness or, conversely, a reluctance to communicate with family.

In the formation of socially approved behavior, a positive orientation of the individual, and the education of a worthy citizen, habits are the fundamental principle. With their help they educate and re-educate. How can you re-educate yourself and get rid of unwanted habits?

Clean up the list of “accomplices”

In the fight against bad habits, you should seriously think about reducing the list of your “accomplices”.

“Accomplices” are those people who invite us to smoke during breaks or try to prove to us that “no one has ever died from one glass.” In some cases, “accomplices” are those who provoke us into aggressive behavior.

For example, you decided to get rid of such a bad habit as touchiness. And first of all, they decided to stop being offended by their husband. But you have a friend who says, “He didn’t give you a bouquet of flowers on your birthday? He's just a bastard! In this case, she is a prime example of an “accomplice.”

In such cases, you need to take a sheet of paper and objectively write down what are the advantages of stopping communication with “accomplices”. On one side of the scale there will be your future without bad habits, and on the other there will be just one (not always pleasant) person. Get rid of it.

free will

“We have a feeling that we are in charge and take responsibility for everything we do. And that’s great,” Wood tells Inverse. But productivity reflects habits, not desires and goals. The implication is that changing your behavior is as simple as deciding to do something different. Wood believes that this solution must involve first changing the environment, getting rewards for the behavior, and figuring out how to repeat the behavior regularly so that it becomes automatic.

Reframing behavior change from this perspective can be liberating. Just because you can't do something doesn't mean you're a bad person. Sometimes we feel like failures when we try and fail to diet again. But it's not so much about you. It's all about the environment you're in and how you control it. But how can you use situations, repetition, and rewards to form new habits?

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Ask for help

To be honest, few of our loved ones have enough wisdom to take a proper part in our getting rid of bad habits. It's very easy to check.

If you told your relative that you are going to give up alcohol, for example, then he may react differently. His best response is: “Great, how can I help you with this?” Worst option: “Stop drinking? Did you fall from the oak tree?” Then everything is bad, but we hope this is not about your relatives.

Most likely, your relatives will react like this: “Mmmm, I see.” But they need to be turned into your allies and asked for help. For example, like this: “I decided to lose weight, so, mom, don’t cook pies and pancakes anymore. Or if you cook, it’s better in the first half of the day.” Give all relatives clear instructions on what to do if you suddenly decide to break down.

Shield No. 3. Dagger plan + contract with Saturn

Shield #3 is the key element of this method. A very powerful element that is capable of pulverizing a bad habit and not leaving it the slightest chance. But only if you take it as seriously and responsibly as possible, according to the principle: “ If I make an obligation, then I fulfill it, no matter what!”

Shield No. 3 consists of two points: the Dagger Plan and the Contract with Saturn. The first point relates more to the physical world, the second to the spiritual world. Let's start with the first point:

Plan-dagger

- this is a specific obligation, with a specific punishment for failure to fulfill it. In this case, you make a commitment to quit a bad habit and come up with punishments for yourself for failing to fulfill this commitment. Punishments must be severe and put your honor, dignity, money, property at stake... It must be the loss of something very valuable to you.

An example of a dagger plan for a smoker:

“ If I smoke at least one cigarette during my life, I undertake to give 200 thousand rubles to the mother of my ex-wife (former mother-in-law), who now has a very biased and bad attitude towards me.
I undertake to kneel before her and again ask for the hand and heart of her daughter, with whom I also have a very strained relationship! Also, if I smoke, I will give 200 thousand rubles to _______ (full name), the person who will monitor the implementation of my dagger plan. “
That is, the price must be too high, and the action must be extremely undesirable. For the best effect, the plan-dagger needs to be printed on a sheet of paper and certified by a person you trust, who will be interested in you following the plan-dagger and will be able to monitor its implementation. In case you return to a bad habit, you will also have to give this person a large sum of money for you.

The intention written in the notebook is Sword No. 2 and plan dagger Shield No. 3, also read after waking up and before falling asleep, for 21 to 60 days, 3 times - in the morning, in the evening and at the time of the urge of a bad habit.

Don't lose your resolve

We all make mistakes, we all fall from time to time. If this happens to you, don't beat yourself up too much. Moreover, get ready for falls, because it is inevitable.

Every day by working on yourself, you become better. If you stumble and stop dieting, give up gymnastics or mindfulness practice, everything that you have achieved so far will not be lost. All the skills you learned are still in your brain to help you get back in the saddle.

Don't stop and don't give up. If you are reading these lines, you can definitely become who you want to see yourself. Believe in yourself!

Based on the book “The Psychology of Bad Habits”

Positive emotions

Any, even the worst habit has such a strong impact on a person due to the fact that it gives its “owner” positive emotions. Otherwise, an action performed over and over again would not become a habit. As an example, we can use smoking again: you were late home, and your wife hit you with a rolling pin in the causal place for cheating, which you did not commit (even if you wanted to). You urgently need to “let off steam” and you go out into the entrance to smoke the whole thing. With trembling hands, standing on shaking legs (you can’t sit), you light a cigarette and here it is: a puff, another, a third, your legs have stopped shaking, your eyes have dried, you have the heroic strength in your hands again, and in general everything is going according to plan. This is the effect of habit.

Thus, we come to understand that the basis of our addiction in the vast majority of cases is the receipt of positive emotions. And here it is important to realize whether your habit is really bothering you? If it doesn’t cause any particular harm (we’re not talking about smoking), then perhaps you shouldn’t get rid of it. But if the harm from it is significantly greater than the strength of pleasant emotions (we are talking about smoking), then you should definitely quit this habit. And just understanding this is a significant step towards your cherished goal.

Sword No. 6. Hold your breath eight times

Sword No. 6, holding your breath eight times is an excellent method, thanks to which you can overcome any obsessive desires in the current moment.

For example, you feel that the desire to light a cigarette is too strong, then simply hold your breath for eight approaches in a row, for at least 20 seconds each approach.

As a rule, any even strong obsession recedes after holding your breath 8 times. If it still doesn’t recede, which is unlikely, hold your breath eight more times in a row, do several exercises from Sword No. 4, then the desire will 100% recede.

Video on how to correctly hold your breath while inhaling:

Note:

Sword #6 will activate properly when you begin to learn and practice breathing exercises on a regular basis. Yogic breathing exercises “Pranayama” is an ideal option. This is the best alternative to any bad habit, especially those associated with drug use and smoking intoxicants.

Contract with Saturn - Shanidev

A contract with Saturn is needed for especially difficult cases, when even a dagger plan for a six-figure sum is powerless and an obsessed person returns to a bad habit by hook or by crook.

Saturn (Shani Dev) is the Vedic God of karma, who acts as a universal policeman and rewards everyone who strays from their path and engages in sinful activities.

You can learn more about Saturn by watching these videos.

Lecture on the influence of Saturn (Shani Virgo) on a person’s horoscope:

The greatness of Saturn Shani mahatmya 2020 is told by Victoria Darakova Yantra.lv at the Shakti center:

We also recommend watching the film series Shani Dev.

Steps to freedom from addiction

I have previously written about how to get out of love addiction and find peace of mind. Now I want to add steps to freeing myself from love addiction.

So.

If you find yourself getting stuck in a relationship, take these simple steps:

Looking for the root of the problem

First, try to understand what exactly you depend on, why this person attracts you so much? Try to understand this in sensations, describe the image of yourself: Who are you next to him? Who do you feel like? How do you feel when he is around?

Found it? Then think about how all this can be obtained in another way. Maybe not in such a large volume, but at least partially to relieve mild symptoms.

Filming “I Can’t”

The dependent “sheep,” one after another, just repeat: “I can’t live without him.” Then I have a question for you: “What exactly can’t you do?” Live? Really? How then do you walk? Are you breathing?

Yes, you may not feel very good or comfortable. However, let me ask, what does “I can’t” have to do with it?

Remember, dear ladies, our perception depends on how we formulate our phrases. If you tell yourself “I can’t” and “that’s crazy” a hundred times a day, then it will actually come. As the saying goes: “Every person does his own thing.”

So let's start with you making a list of answers to my question. Read it and then replace all your “I can’t” with “I don’t want.” This is a completely different matter.

Here, by the way, the “Diary of Emotions” will help you cope with this problem; you can read how to work with it here….

And there will be less sorrow and more benefit.

What are we running from?

Addiction is always an escape. It would be nice to understand, what are you actually running from? What is happening to your life that you are ready to exchange it for your “favorite”.

Found it? I am one hundred percent sure that it can be solved in a safer way.

Where are we running?

On the one hand, of course, it’s clear where you’re running: into a whirlpool of passion, hot scenes and long sleepless nights.

But what's behind this? Do you have at least a small idea of ​​what life will be like if you connect with this chosen one? Is this what you want?

Saturn contract template

I, (full name), being of sound mind and reason, enter into a contract with Saturn Shanidev - the just God, the lord of karma!

Conditions of a contract

From __________
(today's date) until the end of my life in this and other bodies, I undertake not to use drugs, alcohol, nicotine, or other intoxicating substances (you can add here any substances that you refuse) .
And also do everything in my power to protect myself and my loved ones from this destructive temptation! Otherwise, let Shani Dev, the lord of karma, dispose of my body from this reality, cut off his head with a razor-sharp axe. And then he will send the soul into the abyss of the hellish planets for re-education and development of qualities: self-control, discipline, vigilance, awareness, attentiveness, indestructible will, absolute freedom and complete indifference and detachment from any narcotic substances!

In other words, may the demons forever take away from my soul the craving for coarse narcotic substances
(write here what you want to give up) !
If, however, I follow my vow, completely renounce the use of narcotic drugs and will do everything possible to avoid using them under any circumstances, then Saturn, the lord of karma, will patronize in every possible way, protect me and my loved ones, and also help in all beginnings!

Saturn will protect me from obsessive thoughts, desires, dependent people, unfavorable events, bad companies, dreams and evil spirits that can somehow force me to use drugs, alcohol, cigarettes... ( you can add any other bad habit here )

Saturn will protect me from the adverse influence of Rahu and Ketu, who will never again be able to force me to use marijuana, alcohol, cigarettes and any other drugs
(write here what you want to give up) !
Saturn will also help me provide material well-being and prosperity to my family and loved ones.

Saturn will help me become a very sought-after and highly paid specialist in my field and accumulate many favorable merits.

(You can add any wishes you want Saturn to help you with)

Saturn will become my faithful friend and patron, and will never again allow me to fall into the pit of Samsara and be led by gross desires!

O my inner Saturn, convey this contract to the great universal Shani Dev and let him help me overcome my addiction and passion for (bad habit) and any other narcotic substances.

Signature ____________ Date ______________

OM SHANAYE NAMAH
(mantra for Saturn)
Note:

Ideally, the contract with Saturn should be written by hand in your notebook, but printing is also not prohibited. The main thing is to re-read it for 21 to 60 days, to realize its strength and importance, until the power of bad habits weakens completely. But, as a rule, the first 3 days are already enough. If you all have such doubts about this deity, make a contract with any saint or deity with whom you feel a connection - replace the name Saturn with the Deity that is closer to you.

How addiction starts

The roots of this problem come from childhood:

• Emotional pressure from parents or other persons in authority for you at that time.

This factor leads the child to self-denial - he feels guilty for the very fact of his existence.

• Unmet need for security and peace.

A person tries to escape from himself with the help of relationships, dissolving in another. In fact, it is simply an escape from life and responsibility for it, as with alcohol or drug addiction. (very often you can hear from women “I want to find a man so that he can solve all my problems,” alas, she is unlikely to be able to find what she wants with such attitudes.)

• Lack of love and attention.

The absence of maternal warmth turns a person into a Greenlander, for whom cold is their natural living environment. At a subconscious level, a program arises in him: “If I am good, kind and obedient, then I will get a little warmth and love.”

Later, as such a person goes through life, he chooses “Ice Pieces” that need to be melted. To receive a response from “Ice” is a battle and hope for a miracle: “What if it works out? What if I melt it?” But, alas, a miracle does not happen.

Moreover, if suddenly “Ice” really melts and wants a stable relationship, he will break off this connection, he will become uninterested and bored. Because there will be no former excitement, midnight suffering, sleepless nights and sexual passion.

It can be difficult to put an end to such sadomasochistic relationships on your own; often you need the help of a psychologist who can heal psychological trauma and direct your energy to a more harmonious object with which you can create a strong relationship.

Unresolved problems with parents.

As a child, a child needs love and help from his loved ones, but in the end he receives indifference on their part. Hence resentment, low self-esteem, and lack of self-confidence. In the future, this forms the “don’t get close” attitude.

Promotion,
free consultation with a psychologist on Wednesdays at 12:00, 15:00 and 19:00 (Moscow time) , sign up here ..

Sword No. 4. Training program

Create a 21-day training program following this principle.

Choose 5-10 of your favorite physical exercises and write how much time or times you are willing to do each exercise in 21 days.

Below is a 21-day workout template, adjust as you please:

Note:

Sword No. 4 is a great alternative to the time you are used to wasting on a bad habit. Now, instead of smoking a cigarette, drinking beer, using marijuana... there is a more useful activity.

Analysis and self-exploration

By looking carefully inside yourself, you can see the source and the place that allows you to receive pleasure .

Ask these questions right now in relation to your loved one, car or apartment.

Imagine this object or person and ask yourself:

1. What will happen if this person is not there? Will I worry, suffer and be afraid of this?
2. Why will I worry? Why am I afraid of losing this in my life?

The answer is the fear of losing comfort, pleasure, fear of not feeling loved and becoming lonely . This is the fear of stopping receiving the pleasures that we now receive with this person.

This happens because if we are deprived of all this externality, we will not feel so good. Our mood will fall because we are internally looking for sources of pleasure.

This happens because our society does not take care of itself. Our society has other trends, other fashions. People live by money, live by the idea of ​​fame, popularity, security, but all this does not bring happiness, does not bring independence and peace. This does not give anything most important to a person. And at the level of feelings, all this results in inner emptiness, depression, addiction, worries, fears of losing. A hasty search begins for a way to help get rid of attachment to a person or object.

What you need to be prepared for

You may feel bad.

The first week is usually bad, it’s hard to forget the person, to stop thinking about him. Some people even experience high blood pressure and don’t feel like eating or drinking. Negative thoughts in your head get in the way and overwhelm yourself. Therefore, it’s great if you have the opportunity to contact a specialist who can professionally support you at a difficult moment in your life.

Sign up for a consultation via Skype

I am a psychologist and provide consultations via Skype. I help people understand themselves and overcome difficulties.

Together with you in consultation, we can quickly and easily find and eliminate the causes that led to addiction, and do everything so that you can quickly and easily get out of it and build your happy, harmonious and successful life.

On this page you can find more information about me to get to know me better.

You can find out about the cost of services and the scheme of work here. You can read or leave reviews about me and my work using the link.

You might be sad

Not always. Periodically. But it will come, echoes of past events sometimes remind you of themselves and this is normal, because a certain period in your life has ended in which you poured so much effort, time, and resources.

The main thing is not to confuse this with longing for a person. These states do not indicate that he was your only true love. Read how to deal with this here.