“The husband drinks... What should the wife do? Reminder: how to behave if a drunken man is nearby

The line between drunkenness and alcoholism

Alcoholism is a disease that needs to be treated. It is worth noting that its origins come precisely from drunkenness. The most important differences between these categories are:

Drinking is a habit that a person controls himself. He may abuse alcohol on holidays or more often, but he also has the ability to quickly give it up. Alcoholism begins with an uncontrollable desire to drink. If with ordinary drunkenness a person can live as before, then the disease has a destructive effect;
Alcoholism is an addiction that has manifestations. If a person does not take the dose, then he begins to experience withdrawal, depression and an extremely depressed state. With drunkenness, such symptoms do not occur;
It is not so easy to get rid of alcoholism, because even desire will lose to habit;
After drinking, certain moments are erased from memory, and alcoholics have no memories of the day of intoxication completely.

It would seem that drunkenness and alcoholism are completely different things. In fact, the line between these two concepts is very thin. Yes, they are different, but a change from one state to another can happen at any time.

In addition, all people are different and some have a predisposition. If your loved one’s bloodline relatives had this addiction, then there is a high probability that he may also have it. It’s one thing to drink two glasses of wine on holidays, another thing to drink several liters of alcohol every weekend.

If you see that your loved one has begun to buy alcohol more and more often, then this is one of the signs leading to serious addiction.

Treatment methods for alcoholism

How can a husband stop drinking alcohol? There are several ways to combat alcoholism. Each of them has its own disadvantages and advantages. The most optimal is complex rehabilitation, combining several techniques.

1) Psychological treatment

Help from a qualified, experienced psychologist is one of the main components of alcohol addiction treatment. A specialist in this profile must determine the cause of addiction and help eliminate it.

As a rule, drinkers do not admit what prompted them to drink alcohol. This may result in them being able to pick up a bottle again after completing all stages of treatment. Working on the real reason for drinking will significantly reduce the risk of relapse into alcoholism. The psychologist will do the following:

will find out whether the drinker is aware of his current state;
will conduct training to strengthen willpower;
will convince you of the dangers of alcoholism;
will tell you what alcoholism can lead to in the future for himself and his family.

Experienced psychologists with high qualifications and extensive experience will be able to transform all the negativity of a person into awakening his willpower. To prove to the drinker that he has sufficient persistence, he will be able to overcome the craving for a glass.

Special psychological techniques and techniques make it possible to lift a person out of a depressive state and transform him from a weak-willed and insecure person into a strong, strong-willed man.

The wife of a drinker asks herself the question - how to get her husband to stop drinking alcohol? One of the most important factors for successful treatment is his own consent and desire to fight drunkenness. If a drinker does not want to change anything in his life for the better, all further treatment measures will be ineffective.

It is psychologists who can convince a person that he should fight drunkenness. But it is important to remember that the formed attitudes and motivations need further monitoring by a specialist so that a breakdown does not occur.

2) Medications

Classical (traditional) medicine has in its arsenal various ways to combat drunkenness. Narcologists take patients out of binge drinking with special drugs that prevent the development of alcoholic fermentopathy. It is strictly prohibited to purchase such drugs on your own. All medications must be prescribed only by a physician. The disadvantage of this method is that it only relieves the body’s physiological craving for alcohol, without working through psychological problems. This means that after a while the drinking bouts will return again.

3) Traditional methods

The basis of the popular approach to getting rid of addiction is the use of herbs and mixtures that are added to alcohol to provoke disgust. This is an ineffective method that helps occasionally and only in the early stages of alcoholism. They also try to take bee products and follow detoxification diets.

Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include various conspiracies or spells, appeals to psychics. This path leads to a dead end. Such “specialists” promise help, but in reality they only defraud desperate women who don’t know how to get their husbands to stop drinking alcohol. You should not rely on magical powers, as this will only waste precious time. You should seek help from professional doctors as soon as possible.

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Who is an alcoholic

An alcoholic is a person who can no longer live without alcohol. He is looking for an opportunity to drink anytime, anywhere. His behavior is difficult to control with persuasion or any complaints. He not only does not want to live without a harmful drink, he cannot do it.

Of course, such a disease is more related to psychology than to physiology. The addict sees in such a product a reward, a buzz and relief from mental pain. He is so accustomed to its absence that its occurrence brings him very severe suffering.

Such people begin to panic if they cannot find the next dose. They often torture their loved ones and do inappropriate things. Insanely often, addicts take equipment and furniture out of the apartment in order to buy a bottle with the money they receive. This is the behavior of an abnormal person who needs treatment, not a conversation about morality.

If you are in doubt about the diagnosis, consult your doctor. If your loved one refuses to go to him, then try calling a specialist to your home. At least this way you will get an accurate and honest analysis.

How long do alcoholics live?

By the way, there is a misconception that alcoholics live longer. But the statistics say otherwise. In fact, the life expectancy of an addict does not exceed 45-55 years.

If you have met or know an older person who suffers from this disease, then he is most likely just an exception. In addition, it is worth taking into account genetics, the absence of hereditary diseases, which also affect this issue.

It is worth noting that people who drink look much older. Perhaps this nuance also plays a role in the overall illusion. On the street we often meet alcoholics who seem old to us. But this is just a deceptive image.

What should you not do if your husband drinks heavily?

There are clear recommendations that will help many women understand what they are doing wrong and why their husbands continue to drink:

You should not make empty threats, because soon the man will get used to them.
You cannot argue, reproach your spouse, or enter into a discussion with him if he is drunk. It is imperative to remain calm, confident and firm in your behavior.
There is no need to hide alcohol or pour out its contents. This will not help the addicted person because he can always go and buy another bottle.
You cannot solve his problems: repay debts, make excuses to your superiors. Let him be responsible and grow up in the end.

No need to control the amount of alcohol you drink

No need to drag him out of the tavern on your shoulders. May he one day wake up where he fell asleep. Perhaps then he will realize how deplorable his condition is.
You need to be consistent. If the spouses decide that drinking is taboo in their house, then they need to strictly adhere to this line of behavior. No unforeseen situations, such as the arrival of distant relatives or a birthday, should ruin their agreement.
You cannot “serve” drinking bouts, that is, give money for alcohol, put snacks on the table, they say, if he drinks, then at least let him have a snack.
You cannot leave your husband unless you have decided to finally leave him. The wife should look for time to relax together, try to protect him from bad company and thoughts about alcohol.
You cannot feel sorry for your husband or be complicit. For alcoholics, this is akin to a green light; it is a reason for further binge drinking. What's even worse is sharing drinks. It is for this reason that women often become drunkards with their husbands.
You can't shame your husband in front of other people. If he suffers from alcohol addiction, then such actions of his wife will only strengthen in his mind the fact that now everyone knows about his problem, about the reality in which he finds himself.
You cannot try to injure your husband in order to prevent him from meeting his drinking buddies.
You cannot kick your husband out onto the street if he is intoxicated. There he can freeze, get into a fight with someone, get hit by a car, etc.

Causes and consequences of alcoholism for loved ones

The concept of “codependency” has long existed. People who live with an alcoholic are also sick. Most often, they begin to become nervous, and the child in such a family has developmental and mental problems.

Children suffer especially hard. For them, all these problems are perceived especially vividly. They begin to take it out on other people and learn worse. Their perception of the world and values collapses. Often it is precisely such individuals who grow up angry, aggressive and unhappy.

Those close to the addict begin to get used to constant stress. They often distance themselves from acquaintances, friends and relatives. They simply feel ashamed of their loved one. A problem like this is always humiliating and very painful.

They feel obligated to help him and take on someone else's role. Often women begin to blame themselves for what happened. That is why they want to correct the current situation so much. By the way, quite often people adopt the behavior model of an alcoholic and start drinking themselves.

Constant dissatisfaction with others, stress, fights and pain cannot remain without a trace. Often people just go crazy.

Which advice should you choose?

How should the wife of an alcoholic behave if she understands that it is no longer possible to keep the situation as it is out of pity for her husband. Is it worth saving a marriage if the husband drinks? You can find advice for the wives of an alcoholic that sounds like: yes, of course, you have to hold on at all costs and save the relationship, pull your husband out of the abyss. Others have the opposite opinion: no, under no circumstances, you need to run as far as possible so that you never find it.

But if the relationship is already at a mature stage, the situation is much worse. When you need to decide whether to keep your family together or get a divorce, you need to take into account the following factors:

how often the husband behaves in an inappropriate manner;
Is it possible to communicate with him?
the husband swears and insults or is calm;
Is it difficult to pacify a drunkard husband when he has drunk;
how it affects the wife and her physical and emotional health.

It often happens that a raging drunkard is difficult to calm down. Therefore, psychologists say that a woman who decides to endure insults and even beatings from a calling husband, who cannot be calmed down after drinking alcohol, does not respect herself. Therefore, if your husband beats you, you need to leave.

It also happens that the wife of an alcoholic, when her husband drinks, does not leave him because he supports and ensures the material well-being of the family. Especially if it doesn't work. In such a situation, it is very important to find a job to get rid of financial dependence.

Sometimes the wife of an alcoholic, replacing the search for answers to unpleasant questions, how to leave an alcoholic or how to decide on a divorce, begins to nag the drunkard. This makes it worse for everyone: husband, wife, and children. But at the same time, feeling her hopelessness, the woman, driven by her husband’s alcoholism, does not seriously consider divorcing her husband, and she has no time to kick her husband out of the house.

Is it worth living with an alcoholic?

Should I live with an alcoholic ? Every woman asks this question, but only a few can leave an alcoholic. For some reason, most ladies take on the role of rescuer. Everyone wants to change a loved one and spends all their energy on it. However, happy endings are incredibly few and far between.

If you have been struggling with this problem for many years and have tried a bunch of methods, but nothing happens, then leave. It always seems to your loved one that just a little more and the addiction will pass, but you need to look at things soberly. If your loved one has a desire, then sooner or later you will be able to cope with the disease. If it is not there, then it is absolutely useless.

If a child grows up in such an atmosphere, then at least think about him. Don't blame yourself for betrayal if you leave. These moral principles are absolutely immeasurable with the destroyed psyche of children.

Living with an alcoholic in the same apartment is difficult and unbearable for everyone close to you. It would be better if the family were incomplete, but then suffering, pain and constant fear, as well as the negative impact on children, would disappear from it. After all, children often repeat the fate of their parents. Eliminate a negative future for your child.

Read:
How to break up with a man - practical advice from psychologists

As for love, this too is often an illusion. An alcoholic is a completely different person, and you fell in love with someone else. If you have done everything you can to fix the problem, then don't blame yourself for deciding to be happy.

Why do women tolerate alcoholic husbands?

If a man brings only negativity, the question arises: “why tolerate him?”

If a man brings only negativity, the question arises: “why tolerate him?” Isn’t it easier to separate and leave the alcoholic alone with his addiction, especially since he doesn’t really need a family? But sometimes not everything is so simple, and several obstacles may stand in the way of the spouse making a fundamental decision, for example, the following.

Many men, even being addicted to alcohol, retain their professional qualities for a long time, therefore they are the main earners of material values. In addition, the husband may be the owner of the home where the family lives. The fear of losing material well-being forces wives to endure any uncomfortable situations associated with the drunkenness of the head of the family.
Often women exaggerate their influence on their spouses, believing that they will finally be able to reach a man and change him for the better. In most cases, this illusion remains an illusion, since alcoholic husbands perceive their wives as no more than servants, showing no respect for her, much less for her admonitions.
The generally accepted postulate that children need a father, no matter who he is, also forces wives to endure hardships, without thinking about the consequences for the child’s psyche from witnessing the drunken antics of the parent.
Pressure from family also plays a role in wives' patience. Relatives of the older generation, especially on the husband’s side, who do not benefit from the breakdown of the family, constantly put pressure on the wives’ psyche, trying to instill even more fears about the divorce procedure and its consequences.
From some women you can hear that their husband still loves them (her children), so she is ready to endure everything for the sake of this high feeling. In the case of alcoholism, there is no question of such a concept as love, so such statements are perceived as no more than a fear of radically changing something.

Lacking the moral strength or material ability to break off relationships, women continue to live with husbands who are inadequate in their alcoholic stupor. The only help for such wives can be moral support, tips from psychologists on how wives of alcoholics should behave in order to minimally traumatize their psyche and not aggravate an already sad situation.

What to do if a mother's son is an alcoholic?

How to deal with an alcoholic in the family

If you cannot leave or your son drinks, then you need to change your behavior. Some actions can only aggravate the situation and increase the number of problems. Let's look at the most basic rules on how to live with an alcoholic:

It is necessary to truly acknowledge the problem, and not indulge yourself in the illusion that everything will go away on its own. If a person promised to quit three years ago, then after the next three years nothing will change. You need to see a doctor immediately.
Stop making excuses for someone who drinks. If he had some kind of misfortune, then this is not a reason to give up. Why do you have to be strong, but he can’t?
Stop helping him when he has been drinking or waking up from a binge. If he fell asleep on the floor in the hallway, then let him lie there. The same goes for hangovers. He will just get used to the fact that you must and are obliged to do all this for him.
If your husband is an alcoholic and has a drinking binge, then try to somehow protect your children and yourself from this. If possible, go to your parents or stay with friends. Still, drinking completely without a break is a rarer case.
Do not have any quarrels or conversations with a person who is drunk. At these moments he is especially aggressive and unable to hear anything. Besides, he won't remember anything the next day.
Stop going to fortune tellers, because most of them do not have any abilities. Contact a medical facility, because this is a disease that can be cured.
Try to change your attitude towards the situation. Make an appointment with a psychologist and consult with a narcologist. You yourself need help.

Understand that life does not revolve around one person. Yes, this problem is very serious and takes a lot of energy from you, but this is not a reason to forget that you are a woman. Try to take care of yourself and arrange small holidays for yourself. This way life will seem less sad.

Related articles:
How to get rid of love addiction
Destructive relationships - how to improve interpersonal relationships in the family

Of course, if your son drinks, then the situation is much more serious. If you can leave your husband, it is impossible to leave your child. As for behavior, it should be exactly the same as with your spouse.

Help your child solve his problem, but do not become his nanny. And what’s important is don’t blame yourself for this situation. Your son is an independent person who knows how to make decisions.

If a woman wants to stay

In any case, when answering the question of whether it is worth saving a marriage if the husband drinks, you need to make decisions with your eyes completely open, be aware of all the consequences of your actions, not hide from reality, and see things as they really are. If it is obvious that he will not stop drinking, you need to break up, but if there is hope, you can try to save the relationship.

If a woman does not drink and hates drunkenness, but wants to save the marriage, the only way out is to strengthen her position. We must clearly set the boundaries of what is permitted and firmly stand our ground. The husband must understand what behavior is accepted and what behavior is never acceptable. After all, it’s impossible to do otherwise with a drinking husband. How else to save the family if you don’t bring to his attention what is possible and what is not? Naturally, we must do everything possible to get the husband to stop.

Psychologists, when talking about how to behave with an alcoholic husband, advise adhering to the following points:

Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to be insulted: neither physically nor verbally. Therefore, we need to make him understand that he will be held accountable for this by law. As a last resort, you can call the police. But here you need to know: while it works on some, it infuriates others.
You should never cover up the misdeeds of a drunken husband: an alcoholic must learn to reap the fruits of his actions.
There is no need to lie to shield him from all problems.
There is no need to solve his problems for him. If an alcoholic wakes up and comes out of his drinking bout, and his wife has done all the work for him, he will not have much motivation or desire to change.
You should not try to protect your husband from himself.
There is no need to cut corners.
You should not humiliate your husband, respond to insults with insults, or say that he is a pathetic drunk. This will lower his self-esteem, cause internal protest and worsen the situation.
Don’t forget about yourself: you need to take care of your cultural development and spiritual growth. You also need to find friends and like-minded people who will help you cope and get through difficult times.

It is very important not to turn a blind eye to the interests of children. Therefore, if an alcoholic hurts the feelings of children through his actions, this must be brought to his attention. Children should also be allowed to express their indignation and dissatisfaction. But at the same time, it is important to teach children and explain what a difficult condition the father is in, that he is forced to do this and he is not a bad person at all. Otherwise they will despise him.

An alcoholic should not be allowed to abuse children. Therefore, we must try to organize life so that children are exposed to the influence of drunkenness as little as possible. You should also be careful not to start conflicts in the presence of children.

A woman who has decided to save her family should know that it is almost impossible to force an alcoholic to stop drinking if he does not want to. Therefore, any attempts to hide alcohol from him are ineffective: he will definitely find a way to get around this prohibition. However, you need to make sure that there is no alcohol at home: if an alcoholic decides to stop drinking, one type of alcohol will make him change his mind.

How to help an alcoholic stop drinking

First of all, you must change your own behavior. The patient should see some changes in life that will make him think. We have collected the most effective advice from a psychologist for you:

Give your main time to other family members . Go with them to various events, walk more and stay at home less. Perhaps after a while the alcoholic will also want to join. If not, then call him yourself. Of course, at such moments a person must be sober.
Stop feeling sorry for the addict . If you have done something wrong, do not try to make amends by buying alcohol. This way the person will see that you encourage it.
Don't give an alcoholic money . He should have an incentive to earn money himself. If he wants to buy something for the family, then go to the store with him or buy this thing yourself.
Don't justify it to your colleagues or friends . Also, do not remove traces of his brawl until he wakes up. Let him be ashamed of his behavior. For some, this feeling forces them to change.
Try to talk about treatment and fighting addiction with a sober person . Don’t raise your voice at him, don’t criticize him, but offer a solution.
You should only give ultimatums about leaving after long and useless conversations . If you want to voice this proposal, then be prepared to leave. Many alcoholics do not believe in the seriousness of this phrase, and then manipulate the person even more if his promise does not come true.
Don't hide your situation from friends and relatives . The point is not even to make the patient feel ashamed. People may want to help you. There is a high probability that some of them had a similar problem among their friends and they know a good doctor or another effective method.
Don't do anything behind his back . The addict himself must want to fix his problem. Treatment without his knowledge will be short-lived.
If you see that a person is trying and is gradually getting better, then support and praise him . It is at such moments that he especially needs your help.

You must create conditions that will force him to look at the situation differently. Most often, screaming and fighting achieve nothing. The addict must see for himself what his addiction is.

there is hope

If the husband is an alcoholic, what should a woman do? The psychologist’s advice depends on each specific case: there is simply no universal answer that would suit every woman. Usually you have to act according to circumstances, and do the best you can even when the situation is bad.

And here it is very important to remember and realize the fact that the most significant factor that will force an alcoholic to change is pain and loss. An alcoholic must face the consequences of his actions: physically, emotionally, socially, financially. This motivates him to look for opportunities to improve the situation. This is what psychologists mean when they give advice when they say: “Don’t cover up, don’t shield, don’t justify, and don’t lie.”

The alcoholic must realize that he is responsible for his actions . If you manage to get through this period, applying the advice of psychologists in practice, perhaps (although not necessarily), the moment will come when the drunkard is ready to change. If you see this moment and talk to him openly and seriously about alcoholism, this can give results, and the person will take the path of sobriety.

Practical psychology: is the wife of an alcoholic a victim or an accomplice?

In order to deal with any problem, you must first understand and understand its origins, as they say, find out the ins and outs, otherwise all efforts and efforts will be wasted, and you will only experience disappointment and emptiness inside from powerlessness and misunderstanding. Therefore, psychologists have invented a wonderful term - codependency, which must be properly assessed, since it is extremely capacious and accurate. Moreover, this is not even a term, which is a definition completely inapplicable to life, but a real diagnosis, exactly the same as alcoholism.

Need to take into account

Professional psychologists have long since agreed on a common opinion, which would not hurt the wives of alcoholics to find out. No one can ever help an addict in any way unless or until he sincerely wishes to do so. Therefore, the question of how to cure an alcoholic without his desire completely loses its relevance, remaining at the rhetorical level, which does not have and does not require an answer.