Unfortunately, no person can be immune from betrayal, no matter how much he loves and values those who decided to take such a step. For the first time after this, it begins to seem as if someone has pulled the rug out from under your feet and life will never be the same. Indeed, if the traitor was very close to you, then his act cannot but affect you - now, most likely, you will be more suspicious and withdrawn. However, you must understand that one day the pain of betrayal will subside, turning into only an experience from which you can learn some lessons.
What to do when you've been betrayed
Betrayed by a beloved man
First of all, try to recover from this story as soon as possible. Realize that since something like this happened, then this man is clearly not the one sent to you by fate, but a kind of test for you. Don't close yourself off from friends and family and become depressed. By withdrawing into yourself, you are left alone with the betrayal that has occurred, and besides it, there will be almost nothing else in your life for a certain period. Don’t allow this to happen - erase the offender from your life, and fill your time with new hobbies and meetings that will gradually displace this story from the list of important events. This will not be easy to do - you will have neither the desire nor the mood to lead an active lifestyle, but in this case you need to force yourself. Understand that this is the only way you can help yourself get rid of your unpleasant past.
When the traitor is your own husband
Once upon a time, this person offered you his hand and heart, and you gave your consent, confident that you would go through your entire life path with him, hand in hand. Of course, it is very painful to find out in the end that your beloved has decided to betray you, but in this case you should not act out of hand, especially if children are growing up in your family.
Talk to your husband and try to understand what prompted him to do this. If you see that your spouse sincerely repents, and you understand that, despite everything, you still have feelings for him, then find the strength within yourself to give your family a chance. Devote the evening to talking about why this happened, determine how you can live with it further, and try not to return to this conversation in the future to maintain a favorable atmosphere in the house.
If you understand that you will never be able to forgive, or your husband does not express much regret about his actions, then perhaps you should think about divorce. After all, a good family life, with such options, will probably no longer work out.
Betrayal by your best friend
The betrayal of a friend can sometimes hurt no less than the betrayal of a relative or husband. If your friend is real, then you probably trusted him with your personal secrets, supported him more than once in difficult life situations and consulted on many issues. Now it will be difficult for you to imagine your life without this person, but it is important to realize that if this happens, then the friendship is no longer there, and it’s time for you to go your separate ways.
An exception can only be in the case when a friend or girlfriend was forced to take this step, not of their own free will, or made a ridiculous mistake. In general, you need to give the person a chance to explain themselves, and if you understand that the betrayal could have been avoided, then pause your communication so that everyone can rethink what happened. After months, you yourself will be able to understand whether you want to return your friend to your life.
Forgiveness
Forgiving a person who betrayed you is very difficult. Sometimes I would even say that it is impossible. But over time, peace comes and at this moment it is very important to let go of the situation and move on. I'm not talking about the forgiveness that you give to a person and take him back. No. I'm talking about your inner forgiveness.
First, forgive yourself. Because such a catastrophe happened in your life, that you fell for the tricks of a traitor, that you did not notice, perhaps, obvious facts. Forgive yourself and let yourself move on.
Second, forgive the person who offended you. For ourselves, inside. Forgive him and let him go. Let him live with this feeling himself. Don't take on all this negativity. This is probably the most difficult thing. And such a moment does not come very soon. Time must pass, you will calm down, emotions will subside and then you can forgive.
Think about yourself first. Punishing the traitor is the work of fate, life and chance, not yours. Your task is to make your life happy, fulfilling, harmonious and the way you want. It doesn’t matter whether you are a girl or an adult man, a woman with children or a youth, rest assured that you still have your whole life ahead of you and so many interesting things will come your way.
If you feel that you cannot cope and cannot find answers to important questions, sign up for a Skype consultation, together we will analyze the situation and find a solution.
Is it worth forgiving the betrayal of loved ones?
Each person has his own ideas about betrayal - some believe that it is exclusively about betrayal, while for others it is enough if a loved one takes the opponent’s side in a certain dispute. If you yourself understand that, in general, nothing terrible happened, then you should not torture your loved one - talk to him and come to an agreement. Explain why it is important to you that this does not happen again.
If someone offended you but does not ask for forgiveness, then you need to try to forget about him and understand for yourself that this story is unnecessary in your life, and it is better to devote your time not to thinking about what happened, but to new impressions and other people. It is much more difficult if the person has repented and you would like to improve your relationship with him. Unfortunately, being prepared to forgive does not always guarantee that it will happen. You may want this, but in reality the resentment will not go away, and conflicts will flare up between you again and again. It is worth trying to forgive a person who admits his mistake, but be prepared for the fact that, despite your desire, you still will not be able to turn this page in your thoughts, which is why sooner or later you will have to break off relations with the offender.
Is it possible to forgive cheating with another woman?
Depends on the situation. If there are no children in your family, then the decision will be easier. It is also worth paying attention to factors such as the repentance of the chosen one and whether the other woman was a permanent lover or whether their relationship turned out to be fleeting.
It happens that a man deliberately lives for several months, or even years, in two families, unable to decide who is dearer to him. In this case, it is better to ease the agony of choice and start looking for a life partner for whom you will be the only woman you love.
It’s a completely different case if your lover was seduced or spent the night with another woman after a quarrel with you. Under such circumstances, it is also not easy to forgive a person, but if he sincerely repents of what he did, then you can try to understand him. Most likely, this connection was fleeting and meaningless to the man. Of course, you shouldn’t immediately pretend that nothing happened - ask to be given a few days to think about what happened. After this, tell your lover that you forgive him, but if this happens again, you will not be able to stay together. During the period of your reflection, the man will probably realize how dear you are to him and how much he does not want to lose you, and subsequently will value your relationship more.
Of course, if you understand that even a fleeting affair is too much for you, and you will never come to terms with it, then you will have to end the affair. You will come to the same decision sooner or later if the chosen one does not feel guilty for what happened, and periodically raises reasonable suspicions of new betrayal with his behavior.
If you haven’t been together for too long and haven’t started a family yet, then you should think about whether you want such a person in your life. A guy who decides to betray you is unlikely to value you highly. However, if you see that he is very upset about what happened and considers it a big mistake, then you can try to give him another chance, and nothing more.
Are there children in your family? Then in this situation, you have to think not only about yourself, but also about them. If betrayal by your spouse occurs systematically, again and again making you upset, worry and cry, then, undoubtedly, an unhealthy psychological climate reigns in your family, which is not good for the children. Instead of spending time with your child, you are busy thinking about what is going on in your relationship with your husband. By forgiving the traitor again and again, you do not save the family at all - only its appearance is preserved. By doing this, you undermine your health and spoil your mood, depriving the child of communication with a happy mother.
The situation is completely different if the spouse stumbled once, realized his mistake and does not want to lose you. Talk to your husband, make it clear to the end why this happened, and how you can restore trust. Convey to him that this should not happen again if he wants to be the head of a friendly and happy family. It may be necessary for the two of you to visit a family psychologist if you realize that you cannot cope with what happened on your own. For a person who regrets what he did, his own betrayal, like it for you, is a serious stress. Consider a change of scenery for a while and relieve tension in the family by going on a short trip together or at least spending a weekend in an interesting place.
Let's talk a little about betrayal
What to do if your friends betrayed you? In people's understanding, betrayal has different meanings. For some it is deception, for others it is betrayal, and for others it is failure to fulfill your whims and desires. This is, first of all, a violation of trust through some action, a series of actions, or an incorrectly chosen word.
After betrayal, a person begins to delve into himself. Look for the reason for what happened, which, of course, affects self-esteem. He doubts that he is worthy of friendship and respect, since his best friend betrayed him. Feels guilty for what happened. But psychologists advise to first calm down and not look for reasons.
How to forget a traitor
Try to mentally at least try to forgive him, and realize that only a weak person who still has to grow above himself is willing to betray him. Understand that because of this, he will have to face problems more than once in his life, and be glad that you will no longer be around during that period.
Understand that first of all, now you need to take care of your mental comfort. An extremely unpleasant situation happened to you, which should be considered as an important life lesson. Think about what you can take away from this lesson - now you will become stronger and, perhaps, you will be able to understand people better.
It's not easy to decide to cut someone out of your life, but it's much harder to actually do it. If you have clearly decided that you do not need such a person, and you are worthy of another relationship, then first of all, cut off contacts with the traitor, and do not initiate meetings, conversations or correspondence with him. Do not follow his life through social networks and do not inquire about his affairs through friends - understand that you must completely leave the person in the past. If you have time to find out about the everyday life of the person who betrayed you, then you clearly need to find something more interesting and much more productive for you to do.
First, set a period (for example, a month) during which you will not show interest in the life of the person you want to forget, and also will not respond to his attempts to get in touch. At this time, it will be very difficult to follow your decision, but you will make your task much easier if you find a new hobby or go on a trip to another country or city. Understand that the sooner this painful connection is broken, the sooner something new and good can enter your life.
What to do if your best friends leave you?
In this case, you should not immediately panic, you need to analyze why this is happening. If you have done something wrong, simply admit it and ask for forgiveness. It also happens that in the bustle of everyday life we forget about old friends. Just like they, in fact, are building their personal lives and careers.
Therefore, before you worry, look at the problem with different eyes, gather your friends. Believe me, you will have many interesting topics for conversation and warm memories.
Psychologist's advice: What to do if betrayed and how to live after
1 step.
Understand that betrayal is in the past, and every time you return to it in your thoughts, you do not allow anything new and truly worthwhile to enter your life. You spend your energy worrying about what can no longer be changed or returned, and at the present time there is practically not enough energy. If every time you meet with friends you discuss what happened again and again, then this is a very alarming bell. Of course, at first it’s important to share your pain and get support, but you can’t dwell on it! Gradually, no friend will have the patience to return to this topic every time, and you yourself are driving yourself into a trap.
Step 2.
Do not try to analyze what you personally could have done to prevent the betrayal from happening. You are not responsible for such a step by another person - it was he who decided to do this and, most likely, he had another choice.
Step 3.
It’s not easy to force yourself not to think about what really worries you, but you can do it differently - consciously switch your attention to something else. It could be about travel. Just don’t choose a tour during which you will lie on the beach all day - opt for a more varied pastime. However, if a beach holiday is ideal for you, then perhaps it can become therapy for you. If your vacation is still far away, then think about what could distract you right now. Why not sign up for a group fitness class, pool, yoga, art class, or some form of dance today? Try yourself in some new direction, spend time beneficial for your body and mood.
Step 4
Unfortunately, betrayal often brings not only emotional distress, but also a serious blow to self-esteem. Over time, you may decide that, in general, you deserve this outcome of events, and are not worthy of anything good at all. Get rid of this assumption. The person betrayed you not because you are not perfect in some way, but because he himself was unable to find a more worthy way out of the situation - he did not have enough decency or willpower for this. You should only regret that you were forced to come into contact with someone else's weakness, and help yourself recover from this situation. Pamper yourself with small and large pleasant purchases, meet friends, be open to new hobbies and acquaintances.
How to cope with pain?
No matter how difficult it is, you need to pull yourself together and take a sober look at the current situation. Let's give some practical advice:
- Don't isolate yourself.
- Don't replay recent events in your head. This is already in the past. Don't look for the guilty.
- You shouldn’t torment yourself with questions like why they treated you this way and not differently. In this way, aggression, resentment and bad energy will accumulate, taking away strength and health.
- Physical activity is the best way to extinguish bad emotions. Let it be aerobics, running or any other sport. They will help you get rid of negative thoughts.
- Throw out bad emotions on paper through painting.
- Do not refuse the support of loved ones to whom you can pour out your soul.
- If you want to scream and cry, don't hold back.
But under no circumstances take the blame upon yourself. It is important to understand that betrayal is a fairly common occurrence that many have experienced. If the offender wants to meet with you and explain himself, give him the opportunity to apologize. And one more piece of advice - don’t take revenge! This will not solve the problem, but will only make it worse.
Let's figure it out further, what to do if your friends betrayed you?
