What to do if parents argue: causes of quarrels and tactics of children’s behavior

Causes of parental quarrels - why do parents swear and even fight?

Quarrels happen in every family. Some quarrel on a large scale - with fights and damage to property, others - through clenched teeth and slamming doors, others - out of habit, only to then make peace just as violently.

Regardless of the scale of the quarrel, it always affects the children, who suffer more than anyone else in this situation and suffer from hopelessness.

How to fight without damaging your relationship?

Possible reasons

Let's look at why parents argue and what can influence this.

1. Tired of each other. The adults have been living together for years; there are practically no common interests left. Reluctance to give in to one’s opinion and misunderstandings lead to constant conflicts.
2. Problems at work. A situation where a father or mother works “three jobs” and expresses their fatigue with irritation towards their significant other, and sometimes towards their children. If the spouse who stays at home with the children does not look after the household or take care of the kids, then the intensity of passions increases.
3. Jealousy. A situation when one of the parents begins to be jealous of the other, suggesting that the partner has an affair. Sometimes jealousy can be justified, sometimes in vain.
4. Cooling of relationships. A situation where there is no longer romance between parents, they have stopped caring for each other and showing tenderness.
5. Financial difficulties. Often quarrels arise on financial grounds when the family lacks money. For example, a mother may blame her father for his inability to provide for the family. A man can reproach a woman for sitting at home and not wanting to go to work when the family does not have enough money for a normal existence.
6. Different views on the process of raising children and on life in general. Adults can make trouble when their points of view do not coincide. However, they do not understand that they can compromise.
7. Tyranny in the family. Scandals can arise in situations where one parent tries to subjugate the other. This is a henpecked mother and father and a despot man with a victim woman.
8. Living together for several generations under one roof can also lead to certain quarrels. For example, in a situation where the father of the family lives in the same apartment with his mother-in-law, he makes a scene for his wife, demanding that her mother leave their life.

Like everyone else, my parents quarreled from time to time, but it never escalated to fights or personal insults. Despite this, being present at the moment of their scandal in the apartment was unbearable, I went outside. They made up quickly enough. Then they asked for forgiveness for the fact that I had to see their quarrel.

Why do parents fight - what are the reasons for their quarrels?

• Parents are tired of each other. They have been living together for quite a long time, but there are practically no common interests. Misunderstandings between them and reluctance to give in to each other develop into conflicts.
• Tired of work. Dad works “three shifts”, and his fatigue spills out in the form of irritation. And if at the same time the mother does not particularly take care of the household, devoting too much time to herself instead of taking care of the house and children, then the irritation becomes even stronger. It also happens the other way around - mom is forced to work “3 shifts,” and dad lies all day on the sofa watching TV or under the car in the garage.
• Jealousy . It can happen for no reason, simply because dad is afraid of losing mom (or vice versa).

Advice from a psychologist ↑

To parents:

1. Don't stop swearing in front of your children . Yes, no matter how absurd it may seem, modern psychologists recommend doing just that. This is necessary for the child to see that quarrels may still exist between parents. Otherwise, he will build illusions about an ideal family without conflicts, and it will be extremely difficult for him to choose a life partner. However, quarrels should still be kept to a minimum.
2. Don't insult each other . You need to control yourself. Insults are no longer the norm. And the child should not hear them.
3. Don't remember what happened before . The baby should not know the “pitfalls” in the life of his parents.
4. Demonstrate reconciliation . The child also needs to see what follows after a quarrel.

Became a participant in the conflict? Find out how to get out of a fight. Read on to find out how cool it is to apologize to a friend.

Do you know how to apologize to your mom for absenteeism? Here you go.

To kid:

1. Don't feel sorry for yourself . If you take all quarrels to heart today, you will doom yourself to suffering. And you don't need this. It’s better to mind your own business - your parents will cool down and make peace, so there’s no need to be sad here.
2. Don't lead by example . However, if quarrels are rude, there are fights, alcohol and other things that are unpleasant for you, you must understand that this is no longer entirely normal. Make a promise to yourself that later, when you have your own family, you will not use this.
3. Don't tell all your friends about family conflicts . All this can cause ridicule, jokes and unpleasant comments in your direction. Everything that happens at home should stay there. You can only share your “secrets” with those whom you trust very much. It is better if it is an adult who will not only listen to you with understanding, but will also be able to give practical advice in specific situations.

Also, the causes of quarrels are often...

1. Mutual grievances.
2. Constant control and surveillance of one parent after another.
3. Lack of romance, tenderness and care for each other in the relationship between parents (when love leaves the relationship and only habits remain).
4. Lack of money in the family budget.

In fact, there are thousands of reasons for quarrels. It’s just that some people successfully avoid problems, preferring not to let “everyday life” into the relationship, while others find a solution to the problem only in the process of a quarrel.

Make an experience

You've already heard the saying that a smart man learns from his own mistakes, and a wise man learns from the mistakes of others. Although family quarrels are unpleasant, they also provide invaluable life experience. Consider this another contribution of loving parents to your happy future. They provide you with the opportunity to observe, by example, family conflicts between spouses. Do you remember we talked about a diary in which you can write down the reasons for quarrels? Save this priceless document. Whatever books you read in the future, they will not replace your own experience. Perhaps you don't understand something right now. But time will pass, and you will be able to draw the right conclusions from what you saw and heard. Then the relationships in the family you created will develop according to the best scenario, because you will know: swearing and quarrels are a sure way to destroy everything.

What should a child do?

• First of all, do not get into trouble . Even the most loving parent “in a state of passion” can say too much. It’s better not to get involved in your parents’ scandal, but to retire to your room.
• It is absolutely not necessary to listen to every word of the parents - it is better to put on headphones and try to distract yourself from the situation, which the child still cannot change directly during a quarrel. Minding your own business and, as far as possible, distracting yourself from the parental quarrel is the best thing a child can do at this moment.
• Maintain neutrality. You can’t take mom or dad’s side just because they had a fight. Unless we are talking about serious cases when mom needs help because dad raised his hand to her. In cases of ordinary everyday quarrels, you should not take someone else’s position - this will only further ruin the relationship between the parents.
• Talk . Not right away - only when the parents cool down and are able to adequately listen to their child and each other. If such a moment has come, then you need to explain to your parents in an adult way that you love them very much, but listening to them quarrel is unbearable. That the child is scared and hurt during their quarrels.
• Support parents. Maybe they need help? Maybe mom is really tired and doesn’t have time to do anything, and it’s time to start helping her? Or tell your dad how much you appreciate him and his efforts at work to provide for you.
• Seek support. If the situation is very difficult, quarrels are accompanied by drinking alcohol and lead to fights, then you should call relatives - grandparents or aunts and uncles, whom the child knows well and trusts. You can also share the problem with your class teacher, with neighbors whom the child trusts, with a child psychologist - and even with the police, if the situation requires it.
• If the situation is absolutely critical and threatens the life and health of the mother - or the child himself , then you can call the all-Russian helpline for children 8-800-2000-122 .

Legal protection from domestic violence - what to do in such situations?

How should you behave?

Even an adult present during a quarrel does not always know how to behave correctly. Your confusion is quite understandable. Therefore, read these tips and try to follow them. Maybe they won't help improve the relationship between father and mother. But at least you won't make things worse.

• Get rid of the feeling of guilt. Only parents bear responsibility for the situation and relationships as a whole.
• Try not to get into a quarrel, because you risk getting an extra scolding. You still don’t have enough life experience and knowledge to give advice, separate, or reconcile. After a verbal altercation, let a little time pass for mom and dad to calm down.
• Mind your own business during this time: go for a walk, listen to music, visit your grandparents (if you are already allowed to use public transport on your own). But if you went somewhere, be sure to say so or leave at least a note.
• Don't try to be a judge, no matter how much you want to. Maintain neutrality so as not to feel guilty before one of your parents and not spoil your relationship with him. And under no circumstances pit one parent against the other. Imagine what they would think of you if they made up?
• After the swearing subsides and some time has passed, tell adults what you feel - fear, resentment, excitement... Do this without blaming anyone. It can be helpful to remind your parents that you still love them. Perhaps next time they will sort things out in your absence or come to some kind of compromise.
• During a quarrel, you may need the help of other adults whom you trust (aunts, uncles, grandparents, and even the police). You should resort to it if something frightens you: your mother and father are fighting, they raised their hand against you. This is especially important if they are drunk.

Read more: Family conflicts

What your child should absolutely not do:

1. Getting between parents in the midst of a scandal.
2. Thinking that you are the cause of the quarrel, or that your parents don’t love you. Their relationship to each other is their relationship. They do not relate to their relationship with the child.
3. Trying to harm yourself in order to reconcile your parents and attract their attention. It will not be possible to reconcile parents with such a harsh method (statistics show that when a child suffering from quarrels between parents deliberately harms himself, the parents get divorced in most cases), but the harm done to himself can have serious consequences for the life of the child himself.
4. Run away from home. Such an escape can also end very badly, but it will not bring the desired result. The maximum that a child who cannot bear to be at home can do is call his relatives so that they can take him away for a while until the parents make peace.
5. Threaten your parents that you will harm yourself or run away from home . This also makes no sense, because if it comes to such threats, it means that the parents’ relationship can no longer be restored, and to keep them with threats means to aggravate the situation even more.

Of course, you shouldn’t tell everyone about the problems in the house between your parents , if these quarrels are temporary and concern only everyday trifles, if the quarrels quickly subside, and the parents really love each other and their child, and sometimes they just get so tired that it results in quarrels.

After all, if a mother yells at a child, this does not mean that she does not love him or wants to kick him out of the house. It’s the same with parents - they may shout at each other, but this does not mean at all that they are ready to break up or fight.

The thing is that a call to a teacher, psychologist, helpline or police can have very serious consequences for the parents and the child himself: the child can be taken to an orphanage, and the parents can be deprived of parental rights. Therefore, you should call serious authorities only if the situation really threatens the health and life of the mother or the child himself .

And if you are simply worried and scared about your parents’ marriage, then it is better to share the problem with those who can influence the parents without the involvement of the police and child care services in the problem - for example, with grandparents, with the best friends of mom and dad, and others close to the child people.

What is the danger of children being present during family quarrels?

The main factors that cause concern for child psychologists include the following consequences of parental quarrels:

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1. Emotional instability. Seeing that adults indulge in hysterics, screaming, and fighting, the child understands that he can behave the same way. Over time, this habit takes root, so already in adolescence it is impossible to get an adequate adult reaction.
2. Feeling of insecurity. If a fight breaks out during an argument, children often try to intervene and stop it. This leads to physical injuries and makes it clear that parents are completely unable to protect, but can offend and hurt for no reason. This creates uncertainty.
3. Feeling of self-rejection. During the scandal, parents may use as an argument the reproaches that one of them did not want the child, that without him the family would have fallen apart. Children often hear this. As a result, they have the feeling that adults do not like them; without them, the situation would be simpler.

Despite the disadvantages, psychologists recommend smoothing out conflicts, but not hiding them. This makes it clear to the child that such behavior is normal and there is nothing to worry about. But it is important not to insult each other and make peace publicly. Understanding the process of a quarrel and its stages will help the child formulate his own behavior policy in similar situations in the future.

This will help him adapt more successfully to society and find a partner in the future.

How to make sure that parents never quarrel or fight?

Every child feels defenseless, abandoned and helpless when parents quarrel. And the child always finds himself between two fires, because it is impossible to choose someone’s side when you love both parents.

In a global sense, a child, of course, will not be able to change the situation, because even a common child cannot make two adults love each other again if they decide to separate. But if the situation has not yet reached such a stage, and parents’ quarrels are only a temporary phenomenon, then you can help them get closer.

How can a child protect himself from negative influences?

Families do not always explain how to behave correctly for children when parents have a conflict. Let's tell the child how to behave in the event of regular fights between mom and dad.

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What to do if your husband constantly insults: advice from a psychologist and the causes of the problem

Never get involved in a dispute

When parents quarrel, they do not control their words and do not immediately understand how much they offend their loved one. Therefore, do not interfere in the conflict, do not tell who is right or wrong, even if you are sure that these words will help make peace and understand the truth. Adults will figure it out without the participation of others. If you do not listen to advice and intervene, there is a chance that you will hear bad words addressed to you or a recommendation not to participate in the proceedings.

Leave the room for a while

If there is an opportunity to leave the apartment during a conflict, take advantage of it. Ask one or both adults for time off so they know you are away from home. Take a walk in the yard and take your mind off sad thoughts. This will help you not to hear mutual insults. There is also a chance that by the time you return, the quarrel will be over.

If you couldn’t get permission to go for a walk, do something you love, something that excites you and interests you the most. If screaming bothers you, listen to music on headphones or watch a movie.

Don't take the blame

No matter what others say, your parents don’t think that you are to blame for conflicts, so you can’t blame yourself for this. Even if the quarrel began because adults cannot decide who takes the child to school or extracurricular activities, this does not mean the opposite. The problem in this case is the inability to properly plan the day.

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Give everyone time to calm down.

When parents argue, each of them experiences stress that needs to be dealt with. This will take time, so you can’t immediately ask for advice or ask for advice after a quarrel. Most likely, an adult who has not yet had time to calm down will speak rudely or thoughtlessly. Wait at least half an hour so that mom and dad have time to think about their words and draw conclusions.

Don't blame one of the parents

In many families, the child communicates more with one of the parents, so at the time of a scandal, he may want to support him. To avoid a big quarrel with your parents, do not take such steps.

The child does not understand the causes of the conflict and does not fully know the relationship between adults. His statement will cause aggression and an even greater scandal. In addition, the parent who was judged by the child may think that the second adult is turning the younger family member against him.

Tell your parents about your feelings

If you don’t know what to do when your parents are seriously arguing with each other, but you want to help, tell us about your feelings. This will make it clear to adults that it is unpleasant for you to see and hear scandals. This will make them feel ashamed, so parents will try to quarrel less. Don't expect it to happen instantly, but the improvements will be noticeable. When you start talking, don’t say anything about hating them or regretting being born into such a family. Even outwardly pleasant couples often have conflicts, perhaps stronger ones, so don’t think that your family is the worst.

Rule #3. Explain your actions

Sometimes parents themselves provoke their grown-up children into a scandal, demanding obedience in this or that matter. In this case, you need to be able to control yourself without screaming. So that your parents stop pestering you with their lectures, tell them the reasons for your actions.

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Let's say you are a freelancer, and your father thinks that you should get a job that is normal from his point of view. Tell us why you chose this type of activity. Share information about how much you earn. Knowing that you are capable of supporting yourself and your family, your parents are more likely to calm down and accept your lifestyle.

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Bottom line

Money often causes discord between people, but there is no one sure way to get rid of disagreements.

The main thing to consider is that quarrels over money are not necessarily related specifically to income and expenses, although this sounds a little paradoxical.

Money is a powerful tool of control, a way to feel secure. It is possible that the husband does not allow his wife to spend money on a hairdresser because he is afraid that she will become more beautiful and leave him, and parents express their love through advice and reproaches.

Therefore, if algorithmization of financial processes does not help and there are no fewer quarrels, you need to dig deeper into the problem, perhaps with the help of a psychologist.

How to learn not to swear in front of children

In the very process of conflict between parents, the main thing is how children understand the causes and consequences of quarrels. Basically, children who often see and hear their parents swearing react differently to this: girls have emotional problems, and boys have behavioral problems. Anxiety in schoolchildren: causes and solution to the problem It is best for parents to learn to restrain themselves, find a way out so as not to swear in front of children, for example: • find common safe words that you will say to each other when tension arises between you, for example, replace “ ..shut up, you’re tired”, to “don’t talk so much” or instead of “.. leave me alone, you’re sick of me” use “let me be alone for a minute”; • if you feel like you are about to lose your temper and start screaming, then simply nod your head to your spouse, calling him - let this mean that you both need to go out and talk, without children; • simply postpone the conversation until later, when the child falls asleep - most likely, by then your emotions will subside, and the conversation will be more understandable and restrained; • go to the gym - run, jump, hit a punching bag, that is, release aggression correctly. Psychological maturation: what it means to be an adult

Of course, these tips are very general and universal, in order to be guaranteed to help you resolve a domestic conflict, but still, it’s better than nothing. So what can we recommend? First. In case of parental conflict, if you want to save your family, do not try to take the side of any of the adults, mother or father (of course, unless one of the parents behaves too aggressively and very rudely, violating everything existing framework of decency and moral standards). If you openly support one side in a domestic conflict, this can only worsen the situation. Your parent, whose side you took, may be accused of “specially turning” the child against the other parent. Usually, such a situation, figuratively speaking, only “adds fuel to the fire.” Second. It is impossible to be an observer of such a conflict and be absolutely distanced from it; the “fragments of this battle” will still reach you. And therefore it is imperative to decide on your role in this situation. Being an “outside observer,” as mentioned above, will not work. Being a “judge” is impossible; no adult, even with a liberal worldview, will allow a child to be a judge in his conflict with someone (only young monarchs succeeded in this). There is only one role left - the “conciliator”, in modern terms - the mediator. Only a mediator will be able to extinguish the ardor and aggressiveness of the parties to the dispute and transfer them to a calmer tone of dialogue. But mediation is effective only if the conciliator knows the causes of the conflict and its source, and therefore... Third. Try to identify the initiator and cause of the conflict. Most often, in everyday conflicts there is one initiator, and, by the way, it is not always one of its direct participants; it happens that the initiator is also a third party (for example, one of the grandparents: unfortunately, the older generation often tries to interfere in the lives of his adult children, teaching or provoking them to take some action). Also, the initiator of the conflict is not always the noisiest and most categorical of the parents. Identifying the initiator of a conflict can be very, very difficult, and therefore you should not rush to conclusions, but rather try to more carefully understand the cause of the conflict, and then much will become clearer. And this can be done, because if you are aware of the existence of a conflict between your parents, this means that it is happening publicly, even if mutual parental accusations and reproaches are put forward behind doors that are closed to you. And only when the causes of the conflict become clear and clear to you and its initiator is clear, you can carefully begin any actions. By the way, keep in mind that often the cause of conflict in the family is the behavior of the child and the methods of his upbringing. It is well known that often one of the parents makes some concessions to their child, pampers him, looks condescendingly at his misdeeds, etc., but the second parent does not like this - he is for a stricter upbringing: first, disputes begin in the family about the upbringing of the child , then these disputes turn into scandals, etc. So, first take a closer look to see if you and your behavior are the cause of family quarrels. If this is the case, then draw appropriate conclusions. In order to make it easier for you to take some actions, we will tell you about some features of human behavior, and for starters, about marital love. As you know, for most spouses, love goes through several stages, and in a simplified way they look like this:

• the first stage is when the love between a man and a woman is very strong, and therefore they simply do not see and do not want to see the shortcomings of the other (you need to understand that there are practically no ideal people, besides, an innocent habit in one person can be a serious flaw in eyes of another, for example: the habit of leaving dirty dishes in the kitchen sink, or talking on the phone for a long time);
• the second stage - the enthusiastic-sensual period of a love relationship gradually passes, and the shortcomings of the other are already beginning to be noticed, but for now they are easily forgiven by the partner, since love is still very strong;
• the third stage is a period of smooth and calm loving relationships, during which the spouses make attempts to wean each other from “bad habits” and other shortcomings.

Very often, it is the behavior of the spouses in the third stage that determines the entire future fate of the family. It’s great if spouses listen to each other and try to get rid of their habits that irritate their partner. If not, then this family is doomed to conflict over time. There can be many reasons why spouses do not compromise in behavior - these are shortcomings of personal upbringing, and excessive categoricalness in demands and judgments, etc. From the inability or unwillingness to meet each other, such a family, as a rule, has two options: either the spouses get divorced after several years of marriage (and this happens often - this is evidenced by divorce statistics), or their problems are “encapsulated”, i.e. .e. go inside the human soul, from time to time breaking out and provoking family scandals. Thus, based on the behavior of the spouses in the third stage, the next - fourth stage of family relations (if the family has survived) - is characterized by one of four main conditions:

• “peace and love” - if spouses treat each other very carefully and caringly, building family relationships on mutual concessions and agreements, in such families conflicts are practically impossible, and if they do happen, they are not significant, limited to the slight grumbling of one of them spouses;
• “permanent calm” - here the spouses have a dual relationship: on the one hand, they seem to love each other, but on the other, sometimes they cannot “give up their principles,” i.e. either give up some of your habits, or reduce your demands on the behavior of others; this explains the state of such a family - long periods of calm relationships are broken from time to time by short-term intra-family quarrels;
• “calculated partnership” is a state of marital relations when the spouses have already cooled down in their relationship, but continue to live in a place for various reasons: because of the children, because they understand that their divorce will negatively affect the children; due to housing or material reasons, etc.; In such families, quarrels also often arise, after which the parents often do not speak to each other for a long time.
• “eternal battle” - there are families whose life, from external observation, seems to be an eternal battle - they constantly quarrel, swear, sometimes descending to assault, but the paradox of such families is that they do not even think about divorce, such intra-family behavior for them is the norm.

Of course, this list of states of family relationships can be expanded and detailed, and the states themselves can change over time, both for the worse and for the better. And the main thing that needs to be understood here is that family relationships are a very difficult process, it is complex and often not subject to external conciliatory influences. It is very difficult to revive a faded love, but the only ones who can do it are children. You also need to understand the following - the process of restoring good relationships in the family is a long process, grievances sometimes do not go away for years, so you should not try to force it, and therefore, if you are serious about becoming a family mediator, then you need to be patient. And in general, when writing these lines, we proceeded from the fact that if a teenager is looking on the Internet for an answer to the question “What should I do if my parents quarrel?”, then this presupposes not only his love for his parents, but also the reciprocal love of both parents for him which he feels. It turns out that in such a family there are good relationships between the child and each of the parents, and the problem lies only in the sphere of parental relationships. If this is so, then all is not lost! So, you understand a little about the specifics of adult marital relationships, and now try to thoughtfully understand the causes of parental problems: what they quarrel about; which parent or outsider “fuels” the conflict; how deep are the parental differences? What concessions should each parent make to bring this conflict out of the deadlock? Until you understand this, you should not act as a peacemaker-mediator. You can only try to bring it out of the acute phase by somehow cooling the heated parents’ heads.

How can you “cool down” a parental squabble? Firstly , you need to be extremely calm yourself, because if there are hysterical notes or severe aggression in your voice, then you will never be able to achieve results. Only a calm voice can cool passions. Secondly , if parents stand or walk around the room during an argument, then one of your first phrases should be an invitation to both of them to sit down. It has long been known that standing and sitting people have different levels of aggression: a person on his feet is more aggressive. Thirdly , in such a situation you should not immediately take up reconciliation; here the main task is to reduce the “heat” of the conversation. No reproaches, no exhortations, no demands, only one polite request to parents - to talk calmly, without raised tones. And the reason for such a request can be any explanation - you are preparing for school, you cannot sleep, you feel unwell, etc. If you have achieved this, good! But there is one ethical point here: it is obvious that eavesdropping is not good, and this should under no circumstances be done, both on moral principles and in tactical terms (if your parents find you eavesdropping, this will only complicate your relationship with them ). Therefore, perhaps, you should not immediately dissuade loudly disputing parents, and in this way you will solve a difficult dilemma - to learn from their words and remarks the reasons for the parental conflict, without violating moral standards. Now further - about your actions, after you understand why your parents are fighting. Obviously, there can be many reasons for conflict - financial problems in the family, different approaches to raising a child (including your upbringing), and relationships with relatives (such as: “You don’t love my mother!”), and bad or simply unpleasant habits of one of the spouses, and jealousy of one of the spouses, etc., etc. And therefore, it is neither possible nor correct to give any specific recipes or advice for action here. In all cases, actions must be individualized and applicable only to a specific situation. You can only suggest something that will help influence the behavior of an adult and make him think deeply about his family and children. Firstly , parents do not always notice how their children have matured, and that it is already possible to talk with them about serious topics, and if you raise “adult” problems with them, this can “bring them to their senses” a little, i.e. .e. understand that there are not only relationships between spouses and their interests, but there are rights and legitimate interests of their child, and one of the main such rights is his right to live and be raised in a family and his right to be heard . Secondly , it would be more appropriate to build your conversation with both parents at once (indeed, as mentioned in the previous article - by setting the table), and if this does not work, then in individual conversations with parents they should immediately explain that this is exclusively yours. personal initiative, and no one pushed you to have such a conversation. Thirdly , in no case should you lecture adults; it is better to structure your conversation in the form of your questions and expressions of sympathy. Human experience shows that many problems that initially seem unsolvable and hopeless to people will eventually lose their uniqueness and turn out to be quite typical and solvable. Therefore, your questions should be leading, aimed at the parent finding a way out of the critical situation. And lastly, don’t be shy (even boys) to demonstrate your love for both parents and your strong desire to keep your family together - because this is the best thing you have! Dear Guys! We hope that this article will somehow help in solving your problem. Let us repeat: unfortunately, there are no single recipes for resolving family conflicts and there cannot be. The main thing is not to rush to make rash conclusions, harsh statements and actions. As one book and cartoon character said - calm and only calm. You can rephrase – patience and only patience! And you can succeed! And finally, the last piece of advice for the most unfavorable situation for you - the divorce of your parents, which may still follow after a long period of quarrels. Yes, this can happen! And you must understand this. Now in Russia, unfortunately, almost half of marriages end in divorce. Millions of children live with one parent. It's bad, but deadly! Hundreds of thousands of spouses have maintained good relationships and connections with each other after a divorce, and their children communicate without problems and calmly with both parents. And therefore, if you were unable to save your parental marriage, then make every effort to ensure that normal human relations are maintained between your parents. The pain of a family tragedy will dull over time, and a normal relationship will allow you to continue to love mom and dad and receive love from them in return. Good luck and patience!

Tips for parents

1. You must learn not to swear in front of your child. Parents must understand the harm they can cause to the child’s psyche.
2. If quarrels happen, try to control yourself; you don’t need to go as far as insulting each other or mentioning your closest relatives in a bad way.
3. Don't remember past grievances. There is absolutely no need to stir up what is already in the past, and even in the presence of the baby. He shouldn't know about his parents' secrets at all.
4. If a quarrel happened in front of the toddler, then reconciliation should also take place in his presence.

Now you know what to do if scandals start between parents at home. Remember that it is important to identify what exactly pushes them to quarrels, what are the causes of conflicts. Do not forget that sometimes it is better not to interfere, and at times it is within the child’s power to protect the family from unnecessary quarrels. Remember that it is unacceptable for a child to take the side of one of the parents, as it is as if he is betraying the other.