Counseling techniques. Confrontation. Consultant self-disclosure.

Asking questions

Obtaining information about the client and encouraging him to self-analysis is impossible without skillful questioning.
Questions are divided into closed and open. Closed questions are used to obtain specific information and usually require a one or two word answer, confirming or denying (“yes”, “no”). Open questions expand and deepen contact: they provide an opportunity to share your concerns with a consultant and allow you to discuss feelings. They transfer responsibility for the conversation to the client and encourage him to explore his attitudes, feelings, thoughts, values, behavior, i.e., his inner world.

Key points in counseling when open questions are used:

1. Beginning of the consultation meeting (“Where would you like to start today?”).
2. Encouraging the client to continue or add to what was said (“How did you feel when this happened?”).
3. Encouraging the client to illustrate his problems with examples so that the consultant can better understand them (“Can you talk about a specific situation?”),
4. Focusing the client's attention on feelings (“How did you feel when all this happened to you?”).

Counseling uses both closed and open questions.

However, excessive questioning should be avoided in counseling. Any question must be justified. If questioning is turned into the main technique of counseling, then counseling will turn into interrogation or investigation. In such a situation, the client will leave the consultant's office with the feeling that he was not so much understood and called upon to emotionally participate in the advisory contact, but rather interrogated.

Encouragement and reassurance

These techniques are very important for creating and strengthening a consultative relationship. You can reassure the client with a short phrase indicating agreement and/or understanding. This phrase encourages the client to continue the story. For example: “Continue”, “Yes, I understand”, “Okay”, “So”, etc. Encouragement expresses support—the basis of the consultative contact.

Another important component of client support is reassurance, which, together with encouragement, allows the client to believe in himself and take risks to try new behaviors. These are also short phrases from the consultant expressing agreement: “Very good,” “Don’t worry about it,” “You did the right thing,” “You’re right,” etc.

A common mistake in “reassurance” is that the consultant offers himself as a “support” for a restless client. This limits the client's ability to solve their problems independently. Additionally, if sedation is used excessively and too often, e.g. begins to dominate in counseling, it creates the client's dependence on the consultant. In this case, the client ceases to be independent, does not look for his own answers, but completely relies on the approval of the consultant, i.e. does nothing without the consent of the consultant.

Reflecting content: paraphrasing and summarizing

To reflect the content of the client's confessions, it is necessary to paraphrase his statements or generalize several statements. The client thus makes sure that he is listened to carefully and understood. Reflecting the content helps the client better understand himself, understand his thoughts and attitudes.

Paraphrasing is most appropriate at the beginning of counseling because it encourages the client to discuss their problems more openly.

A generalization expresses the main idea of ​​several loosely related statements or a long and confusing statement. Summarizing helps the client organize their thoughts, encourages consideration of significant topics, and promotes consistency in counseling. If paraphrasing covers the client's just made statements, then an entire stage of the conversation or even the entire conversation is subject to generalization.

Reflection of feelings

Understanding and reflecting the client’s feelings is one of the most important counseling techniques. Reflecting feelings is closely related to paraphrasing the thoughts expressed by the client - the only difference is that in the latter case, attention is focused on the content, and when reflecting feelings, on what is hidden behind the content.

Reflecting the client's feelings, the consultant focuses on the subjective aspects of his confessions, trying to help the client understand his feelings and (or) experience them more fully, intensely, and deeply. Reflection of feelings contributes to the emergence of interpersonal, emotional contact, because it shows the client that the consultant is trying to understand his inner world. Effective reflection of feelings helps the client better understand their often conflicting feelings and thereby facilitates the resolution of internal conflicts.

The desire to reflect feelings presupposes their recognition. To do this, it is necessary to pay attention not only to the content of the client’s story, but also to his emotional tone, posture, and facial expression. It is also important to remember that feelings can be hidden not only in what is told, but also in what is not told, so the consultant must be sensitive to various hints, reticences, and pauses.

How to help yourself?

The developments of practical psychology can be used independently in any stressful situation. They are helping:

• smooth out the consequences of the conflict;
• develop psychological immunity;
• relieve emotional stress;
• come to inner harmony;
• find a solution in a difficult life situation.

Meditation practices for independent use do not require special preparation or a separate place. To get a noticeable effect, 15 minutes a day is enough.

Pauses of silence

Most people feel embarrassed when a conversation breaks down and there is silence. It seems endlessly long. However, learning to remain silent and to use silence therapeutically is one of the most important counseling skills. Although silence in counseling sometimes means a violation of the advisory contact, nevertheless it can also be deeply meaningful.

Silence does not always mean a lack of real activity. Silence sometimes implies a deep generalization without words; it is then more meaningful and eloquent than words. During pauses of silence, the client can look for the right words to continue his story, weigh what was discussed before, and try to evaluate the guesses that arose during the conversation. The consultant also needs pauses of silence to reflect on the past part of the conversation and formulate important questions. Periodic pauses of silence make the conversation purposeful, since at this time the essential points of the conversation are mentally identified and the main conclusions are summarized. Pauses of silence help you not to miss important questions.

Grounding

A technique that allows you to feel yourself in the moment, take your mind off the surrounding bustle, and reduce uncertainty. To perform it, you need to sit or lie on the floor, close your eyes, and relax as much as possible. As you exhale, you should imagine how negative energy leaves the body, and as you inhale, mentally absorb the energy of the earth.

Regular grounding practice helps maintain energy balance, feel energetic and work oriented throughout the day. You can practice grounding even during stressful work. You need to look for a houseplant or an aquarium and focus on it for 1 minute.

Provision of information

The goals of counseling are also achieved by providing the client with information: the consultant expresses his opinion, answers the client’s questions and informs him about various aspects of the problems being discussed.

Providing information in counseling can sometimes be very important because clients often ask the counselor a variety of questions. Particularly important are the questions that underlie clients’ concerns about their future and health. Customer confusion is significant not in itself, but in the context of its occurrence. The client's questions should be taken seriously and the answers to them must be carefully considered. It is advisable to demonstrate competence and avoid simplifications so as not to lose client confidence or increase their anxiety.

Interpretation

In counseling, it is very important to uncover more than what is contained in the client's superficial narrative. External content, of course, is also significant, but more important is the disclosure of the latent content hidden behind the client’s words. This is done by interpreting the narrative. The consultant's interpretive statements give a certain meaning to the client's expectations, feelings, and behavior because they help establish causal connections between behavior and experiences. This transformation helps the client see himself and his life difficulties in a new perspective and in a new way.

There are five types of interpretation:

1. Making connections between seemingly separate statements, problems, or events. For example, to a client who talks about fear of public speaking, low self-esteem and difficulties in relationships with other people, the consultant points out the interconnection of problems and the influence of the client’s inadequate expectations and claims on their occurrence.
2. Emphasizing any features of the client’s behavior or feelings. A client, for example, constantly refuses to work, although he expresses a desire to work. The counselor might tell him, “You seem to be excited about the opportunity, but when you encounter inevitable difficulties, you run away.”
3. Interpretation of methods of psychological defense, reactions of resistance and transference. In the above example, a possible interpretation is: “Judging by our conversation, running away is a way for you to deal with the fear of failure.” Thus, psychological defense (escape) from anxiety (fear of failure) is interpreted here.
4. Linking current events, thoughts and experiences with the past. In other words, the consultant helps the client to see the connection between current problems and conflicts with previous psychological traumas.
5. Giving the client another opportunity to understand his feelings, behavior or problems.

In almost all of the listed types of interpretations, the moment of explanation is obvious, i.e. The essence of interpretation is to make the incomprehensible understandable. Interpretation, as a rule, does not relieve a neurotic symptom, but it reduces anxiety, turning the symptom from an incomprehensible obstacle into a clearly established problem that can be solved.

A good interpretation usually doesn't go too deep. It must connect to what the client already knows. The effectiveness of the interpretation is also determined by the timeliness and the client’s willingness to accept it. No matter how wise and accurate the interpretation may be, if it is presented at the wrong time, the effect will be zero, since the client will not be able to understand the consultant's explanations.

The consultant needs to be able to understand clients' reactions to the essence of interpretations. The client's emotional indifference should force the consultant to think about the consistency of the interpretation with reality. However, if the client reacted with hostility and immediately rejected the interpretation as implausible, there is reason to assume that the interpretation has touched the root of the problem.

Despite the importance of interpretation, it should not be overused; When there are too many interpretations in the counseling process, the client becomes defensive and resists counseling. It is inappropriate to formulate interpretative statements in an authoritarian, categorically didactic tone. It is easier for the client to accept interpretations formulated as assumptions when he is allowed to reject them. The hypothetical nature of interpretations does not detract from their value if they are accurate and acceptable to the client.

Psychologist Maxim Sviridov

Once, in a dark room, people who did not know what an elephant was were shown this animal. One entered the room where the elephant was, felt the trunk with his hands and said: “An elephant looks like a snake. It's long and flexible." Another felt the elephant’s side and said, “An elephant is like a wall—it’s big and flat.” And the third, grabbing the elephant by the tail, shouted: “You are all wrong! An elephant is a long rope!”

And none of them knew that it was Just an Elephant, because each of them knew only the Part.

* * *

Although many people believe that psychology is either a science or just testing, I don’t think so. In my opinion, psychology is an art. And also, psychology is a practical action. That. Psychology is the art of working practically with people: with relationships between people, with a person’s attitude towards himself, towards others, towards the world . “Psyche” is a soul that lives and develops, so psychology is also the art of working with a person’s soul, I would even say, with his heart. A psychologist, for example, unlike a doctor in traditional medicine, does not give any pills - this is a non-drug art of helping a person. Helping a person open up, helping him show the full range of feelings, feeling alive, able to live life to the fullest and breathe deeply, helping him find clarity in his life, helping him improve relationships and elevate himself - that’s what psychology is. Through a word or a creative action, be it focusing on the body, dance movements or drawing, the psychologist influences a person unnoticed, gradually. A psychologist helps a person see himself from the outside. The psychologist is not above the client, pulling him by the hair from his problems, but is next to the client, giving support and showing those directions in which the client could move, finding himself, discovering more and more new ways of interacting with himself and the world.

Psychology has many directions, for example, child psychology and educational psychology will talk about how a child develops and how to take this development into account in education; family psychology will tell you how, according to what laws, a family is built and how to make family relationships harmonious; clinical psychology deals with severe cases of distortion of human personality (schizophrenia, etc.); social psychology will make you understand the structure of society and will not allow you to lose yourself in this society. There are also areas of psychology in business, for example, this is the psychology of organizations, which allows you to learn more about the organization, its development, the interaction of its members and proper leadership.

Psychology also has many practical techniques for working with people. I'll name just a few. This, of course, is Freud's psychoanalysis, which is designed to understand the problems that occur in a person's life. NLP is a technique for programming a person to better perform assigned tasks. Perzl's Gestalt therapy - the so-called "contact therapy" - which considers a person as a whole and works with his feelings and awareness. There are also bodily techniques that are aimed either at working with unconscious emotional tensions in the body (Alexander technique), or at awareness of one’s own movements (Feldenkrais method), or at restoring the body to its natural spontaneity through a system of exercises (Loewen bioenergetics). Psychology has not forgotten about the use of such art as dance: there are a lot of techniques, because every dancer who turned to psychology left his unique contribution to the work, with a person - the freedom of his movements and feelings. Even drawing can be used as a psychological technique - this is art therapy, which, with the help of drawing, helps a person to open up creatively and see something new in himself. There are even techniques taken from theatrical art - Moreno psychodrama - which uses improvisation to change the client's inner world, where he plays out, as if truly living, many roles, working on his problem in order to better understand it. There are “Hellinger arrangements” similar to psychodrama, there is a “bodynamics” method of working with the body and its reactions - in general, there are many techniques and methods! All of them can vary and depend on what technique the psychologist has learned himself, which technique he is better at. Also, the methods of group work can be different and depend on the preferences of the psychologist - from a simple so-called “therapeutic group” to serious large trainings and seminars.

So, psychology today has very, very many techniques and methods, both individual and group, and at the beginning of his professional path the psychologist chooses between them, but as his experience grows, he begins to look at psychology as a whole. From this moment on, the psychologist either begins to use all the techniques and methods - i.e. any technique that suits the client’s personality, or he remains in his chosen direction of work - and this direction begins to expand and include many techniques and methods. And the psychologist then becomes a kind of artist, the creator of his own path. And as in the epigraph to this article, psychology for him becomes not a set of techniques and methods - “trunks”, “sides” and “tails” - but a single whole - “Just an Elephant”.

Maxim Sviridov psychologist, consultant, coach

You can sign up for a consultation with me right here:

And also by e-mail: [email protected] Or by phone: +7 (916) 131-15-18

Confrontation

Every counselor is forced from time to time to confront clients for therapeutic purposes. Confrontation is any reaction of the consultant that contradicts the client’s behavior. Most often, confrontation is aimed at the client’s ambivalent behavior: subterfuge, “games,” tricks, apologies, “showing off,” i.e. for everything that prevents the client from seeing and solving his pressing problems. Confrontation is also used to ensure that the client is shown methods of psychological defense that are used in an effort to adapt to life situations, but which depress and limit the development of personality. The consultant pays attention to techniques with which the client tries to avoid discussing topics important in counseling, distorts the topicality of his life situations, etc.

Confrontation is a complex technique that requires sophistication and experience on the part of the consultant. It is often perceived as an accusation, so it is applicable only when there is sufficient mutual trust, when the client feels that the consultant understands him and cares about him. To use the confrontation technique correctly, it is important to know and understand its limitations:

1. Confrontation should not be used to punish a client for unacceptable behavior. This is not a means for the consultant to express hostility.
2. Confrontation is not intended to destroy clients' psychological defense mechanisms. Its purpose is to help clients recognize the ways in which they are protecting themselves from awareness of reality. Understanding is more important here than destruction, which irritates the client and causes his resistance.
3. Confrontation should not be used to satisfy the counselor's needs or self-expression.

Confrontation with the client should under no circumstances be aggressive or categorical. It is advisable to use phrases more often: “it seems to me”, “please try to explain”, which express certain doubts of the consultant and soften the tone of confrontation.

How should you respond to criticism?

Criticism, even the most benevolent, can cause a serious blow to self-esteem. It is human nature to perceive criticism of work as criticism of personality. Therefore, negative feedback about work is transferred to oneself and it is difficult to perceive it without negativity. Among the psychological techniques in the work of a psychologist to adequately accept criticism are:

1. The technique of independence is the ability to separate the assessment of work from the personal qualities of the creator.
2. The technique of re-evaluation is the perception of criticism of work as an opportunity for development, a transition to a new level of mastery.
3. The bystander technique is to imagine yourself as a casual spectator who impartially observes the analysis process.

It is necessary to distinguish useful criticism from offensive statements. Benevolent criticism, even expressed in a harsh form, is always aimed at growth and development. The critic doesn’t just point out weaknesses, he explains how to improve the work and gives specific recommendations.

Counselor Feelings and Self-Disclosure

Counselor candor is an important aspect of modern counseling, helping to foster a genuine relationship between counselor and client. By stepping down from the pedestal of anonymity, the counselor emboldens clients to disclose significant events and increases mutual trust. Client frankness often depends on reciprocity, i.e. from the emotional participation of a specialist in counseling.

There are positive and negative frankness of the consultant. In the first case, support and approval are expressed to the client. For example: “I also feel that our relationship is going well, and you have significantly succeeded.” In the second case, there is a confrontation with the client. For example: “You say that everything is fine, but if someone reacted in this way to my appearance, I would be extremely angry.” When opening up, the consultant in any case must be sincere, spontaneous and emotional.

The self-disclosure technique is used only when there is good contact with clients, usually in the later stages of counseling.

Getting rid of negative memories

It is difficult to forget negative experiences; they interfere with self-realization and making feasible plans for the future. To reduce the influence of negative memories in the current time, you need to use a persuasion technique. You should mentally imagine the unpleasant memory in the form of a balloon.

There are words written on it that cause resentment and anger. The ball fills with air, expands, and finds it difficult to stay in place. As soon as the ball becomes large enough to accommodate everything you want to write, you should release the ball and let it fly away, taking away the collected negative.

Structuring consultation

This procedure goes through the entire counseling process. Structuring means organizing the relationship between the consultant and the client, identifying individual stages of counseling and evaluating their results, as well as providing the client with information about the counseling process. Having completed one stage, together with the client we discuss the results and formulate conclusions. It is necessary to make sure that the assessments of the results of this stage by the consultant and the client coincide.

Work with the client is carried out according to the “step by step” principle. Each new stage begins with an assessment of what has been achieved. This promotes the client’s desire to actively cooperate with the consultant and creates the opportunity to return to him again in case of failure at a particular stage.

Basics of psychological counseling

Psychological counseling is based on a set of measures aimed at improving a person’s mental well-being and harmonizing relationships - within the family, team and other groups. In the process of psychological influence, the client changes the form of his behavior, attitude towards himself and the world, receives recommendations and support from the psychologist.

The main areas of consulting are:

• stimulating the individual to make informed decisions;
• learning new forms of behavior;
• development of the client’s personality and expansion of his horizons.

The central education of counseling is conscious interaction, where special emphasis is placed on the responsibility of the client, in other words, counseling emphasizes the independence of the client as an individual, his ability to make independent decisions and work to change his own personality.

The goals of psychological counseling are determined in each case individually, depending on which psychological school the professional adheres to and what request the client came to him with. However, we can highlight the main areas in which psychologists-consultants work:

• transformation and improvement of behavioral reactions. Changing the client’s habitual forms of behavior helps to increase productivity in the client’s life, harmonization of relationships, and a satisfied attitude towards the quality of one’s own life, even in the absence of changes in the financial situation;
• developing coping skills when faced with everyday challenges and changing world conditions;
• training in balanced and effective decision-making that is important for the client;
• facilitating personal growth and self-realization;
• improvement of interpersonal relationships.

Despite the differences in approaches to the counseling process itself, all psychological schools agree on a single scheme of the counseling process. It consists of several successive stages, replacing each other, the meaning of each of which follows from the content of the previous one. The following stages are distinguished in counseling:

1. Establishing mutual trusting contact. Research of the client's problem area.
2. Definition of a specific problem situation. At the same time, the problem is studied in two planes - in the cognitive and emotional spheres.
3. Search for alternatives. Establishing possible ways to solve the problem.
4. Planning. Development of a step-by-step plan for each of the options for solving a problem situation.
5. Consistent implementation of the developed plan.
6. Evaluation of the work done. Feedback from client to consultant. Checking satisfaction with the achieved result.

In practice, not everything happens as sequentially as described in this diagram. For example, difficulties may arise in identifying the problem, or the client may refuse to contact the psychologist. As the plan progresses, there may be difficulties with its implementation and it may be necessary to return to previous stages of the consultation process. At the last stage, the client may remain dissatisfied with the changes that have occurred, and then the process will have to start from the first stages. Thus, the counseling process is much more complicated than described in the diagram - it all depends on the client’s problem situation and his readiness to work on himself.