Envy is one of the ambiguous human feelings. On the one hand, it is classified as a sin and is considered as a factor that inhibits the development of personality and depresses the human condition. But on the other hand, envy can become a powerful motivational stimulus, then a person is not poisoned by his own “poison”, but inexorably moves forward, trying to achieve what is the subject of envy. What is envy? And what impact does it have more often? Is it possible to envy in a kind way, so-called white envy? Or does any envy need to be eradicated? Let's figure it out.
What is envy
Envy is a product of the inner world of the envious person. Other people have absolutely nothing to do with it, they are busy with their own affairs and problems. Those whom we envy may not even know about our existence, and even more so they did not want to cause this envy (at least for us). Why do we envy, how does it relate to our inner world:
- Envy is often intertwined with greed, anger and jealousy. But all together they are rooted in the past or childhood.
- Envy is characteristic of unfulfilled, unloved, unhappy people.
- An envious person will always find something or someone to envy. Because he always feels unhappy, unrecognized, unloved. And he thinks that if he had “this and that,” he would definitely be understood, noticed, recognized, loved.
Envy is an emotion that each of us has experienced. Repeated often, it becomes a character trait or personality orientation. Then the person is called envious. But not all people are like this.
The composition of envy depends on what exactly we paid attention to: the result of an activity or a process, a person’s actions. In the second case, “white envy” occurs more often. This is a complex of joy and pride in a person, admiration for his skills and abilities and much less regret about his own lost opportunities. For example, older people may envy the young and energetic in this context.
If we are amazed by the result, then more often “black envy” arises and the desire to surpass this result (possibly in any way). There is a third option - envy, accompanied by resentment and annoyance, and wishes for misfortune to this person. She also belongs to the “black” category.
Envy shapes the following character traits:
- boasting (including elements of lies and exaggeration);
- fear of failure and inadequacy;
- belittling (within the framework of one’s interpretation) of the achievements of the object of envy (exaggerating oneself against this background, “let them envy me” and the manifestation of schadenfreude);
- exaggeration of other people's successes;
- the desire to begin to envy (ostentatious actions for the sake of envy).
These personal characteristics of the envious person are most noticeably manifested in communication. In interpersonal relationships, the difference between “white” and “black” envy is also clearly visible. In the first case, a person wants to elevate himself and develop, to have the same thing as the object of envy. In the second case, humiliate the object of envy and deprive him of the object of envy. If “white” envy promotes personal development, then “black” hinders it and forces it to degrade.
How to get rid of feelings of envy
Envy is a dangerous emotion and must be fought. The most important thing in this difficult task is to admit that there is a problem. If a person is able to admit his own imperfections, then this proves that he is by nature wise and promising.
To rid yourself of feelings of envy, use the following expert advice:
- Keep your thoughts under control. If a person experiences envy, then he immediately begins to indulge in mental torment in the format of “why did he succeed? How is it better? Why does everything come easy to him?” Such thoughts ultimately lead to the fact that the envious person’s self-esteem noticeably drops, and he himself, on a subconscious level, programs himself for failure. So try to control your thoughts. If you understand that your thoughts are leading you “somewhere in the wrong direction,” then try to distract yourself with something pleasant that evokes pleasant associations.
- Recognizing other people's successes. The hardest step is being honest about other people's accomplishments. If you really want to eliminate the feeling of envy in yourself towards others and more successful people, then be honest with yourself and admit that the person is worthy of his merits.
- Be objective. Someone else's soul is darkness. The same applies to someone else's life. A person is rarely ready to share the difficulties that he had to overcome on the way to his goal. Therefore, before you think that everything is given to a person without effort, try to evaluate the situation objectively, the conversation of your interlocutor. Having heard about how difficult this or that achievement was, you will understand that your interlocutor, just like you, is fighting for his place in the sun, which means he deserves respect, not a contemptuous look.
- Increase self-esteem. Most often, envy is experienced by people with low self-esteem, doubting their every step. Make an effort to raise your self-esteem and start by believing in yourself and your capabilities.
- Get rid of negativity. Envy leads to a person becoming irritable and aggressive towards others. Feelings like these are destructive. A person filled with negativity will never achieve success, so find the opportunity and time to relieve the accumulated irritation. Remember your hobbies, they will help you enjoy life again.
Envy and the subconscious, consciousness
Envy grows from self-abasement. But where self-humiliation comes from is the main question that needs to be resolved. Envy is a recognition of one’s own powerlessness and inadequacy. This is why people are so afraid to admit it even to themselves. Strong and self-confident people with adequate self-esteem are practically unfamiliar with the concept of envy. Except in relation to them.
Rejection of the very thought of envy, and even more so its causes, is a defense mechanism of our psyche, the most popular and simplest. But you will have to overcome it if you want to get rid of envy. In addition to denial, popular mechanisms are mythologization (recognition of superpowers in someone or something) and self-justification due to this, rationalization (belittling the achievements of the object of envy).
Consciously, envy is balanced by pride in one’s actions. As long as pride outweighs, we admire other people, but do not envy them. If we have nothing to be proud of, but someone else’s successes are before our eyes, then self-humiliation and envy sets in. Envy is a recognition and reaction to one's own inadequacy.
Two tips on how to deal with envy
Photo: Pelagia Zamyatina, “Evening Moscow”
If a person is jealous, passion corrupts him from within. He feels sorry for himself and complains about those around him. Even in joyful moments, an envious person finds something bad and stops seeing the happiness given to him by God.
There is such a story. Three travelers found a very expensive thing. If they sold it and divided the money, each would gain a fortune. However, the travelers envied each other that he too would become rich, and each wanted to take everything for themselves.
Before a long journey, it was necessary to eat, so one of the travelers went for food. The other two agreed to attack him. Indeed, when he returned, they killed him, but they themselves did not survive. Their friend bought poison and poisoned the food. So the expensive thing remained lying there, waiting for unenvious travelers.
Saint Basil the Great compared envy to a viper. In ancient Greek mythology, this was the name of an ugly creature that had a woman’s face and the body of a snake. Likewise, an envious person can outwardly appear smiling and polite, but inside have a perverted soul. In the minds of the ancient Greeks, the echidna gave birth to monsters, and from envy come condemnation, self-interest, anger, grumbling, murder, etc. Therefore, this sin is one of the “seven mortals.” Until passion has developed, it is necessary to fight with it.
In the Old Testament, God gives people commandments, the last of which prevents the sin of envy (see Deut. 5:21). In the Gospel, the Lord again reminds us of the need to fight this heavy passion (see Matt. 20:1-16; Luke 15:25), because it blocks the path to Christian love, sincere joy for one’s neighbor when he succeeds in something. ...
I remember a story told by a woman. Since childhood, she was tormented by envy, but her older sister helped her overcome this vice.
A girl in a multi-colored fluffy dress came out into the yard where the sisters were playing. From the expression on the younger sister's face, the older sister immediately understood what the problem was. “Are you so upset because of someone else’s outfit? But you have beautiful dresses at home. Look, in a suit you make houses in the sandbox, ride down the slide, play tag, but your dress would have been wrinkled and torn long ago. It’s not good, envy is a sin,” said the elder sister.
After some time, the girls started going to dances. Large choreographic groups performed at the festival, one of which was applauded by the audience for a long time. This hurt the younger sister. “They had the most beautiful and complex dance,” the eldest came to the rescue.
“We couldn’t do that because we have classes twice a week, and these girls study every day. You can learn this way, but you need to give up practicing beads. Agree? Oh, no... Then you shouldn’t be jealous, because you have everything you like: handicrafts, walks with friends, dancing. Better thank the Lord for what He has given you.”
Another time, the youngest was ready to cry when she heard the choir perform. “Why are you angry? If you want to sing, let's go to the teacher. Maybe you’ll be accepted into the choir.” The younger sister was actually enrolled in the choir.
The girls grew up, went to study and work. Then families and children appeared. The younger one already understood: envy, as St. Basil the Great said, is “enmity against what has been given to us from God.” She tried in every possible way to suppress this passion in herself. But sometimes it flared up with renewed vigor. I had to call my sister: “I don’t understand why some have everything and others nothing. Today I saw such a luxurious office: modern appliances, paintings, expensive curtains, an oak cabinet.” The older sister answered her: “This is a workplace, and much of it is determined by a person’s status. You yourself know how many restrictions a high position imposes. Would you really prefer the nervous life of such a person to your own, completely measured one? If not, then there is nothing to envy, but it is quite possible to sympathize.”
Now the younger sister, who is no longer a young woman, admitted that she is coping with envy more successfully. When bad thoughts are just approaching, she asks herself what her older sister would tell her. Now she shares these tips with her grandchildren.
From this story you can read two pieces of advice:
Firstly, when urges to envy appear, you need to think and understand: what you envy is something you don’t need, and what is valuable and necessary for you, the Lord has already given it to you.
And secondly: you should not envy other people’s achievements, but strive to achieve good results yourself.
Stages of development of envy
How does the formation of envy occur from the position of psychoanalysis? In several stages.
- Idealization, that is, exaggeration of something positive and downplaying of something negative in a person. The same is true for strengths and weaknesses, advantages and disadvantages, defeats and victories. In general, anything. Idealization is a distorted perception of another person. The envious person allegedly appropriates the shortcomings of others and gets rid of his own merits, endowing them with the object of envy. Once you understand and realize this, begin to behave emotionally opposite, and envy will begin to disintegrate.
- Self-humiliation, complete self-depreciation and harm to the object of envy. A person, sometimes without realizing it, begins to provoke his opponent with his own emotional behavior. A state akin to paranoia develops. In its form, when a person tries to expel self-hatred from himself and ends up hating the one he envies.
Thus, first a person absorbs the negative traits and failures of the object of envy, endows him with his own merits, and devalues himself. And later, irritated and offended by this, he projects back onto him full of shortcomings. As a result, a person devotes so much energy to his experiences that he becomes completely consumed by hatred and is incapable of productive actions.
Enemies of success: vanity - “vain glory”
This word is about looking good in the eyes of others, knowingly receiving adulation. This is the desire for honor and praise. It is doing good deeds for the sake of a feeling of superiority.
So, what is next? I want to push a person to develop, to reach the level of doing good deeds in order to receive delight and pleasure from the process, from the result of his actions! With a pure heart! Good thoughts! Otherwise, vanity will inevitably lead you to indifference and a quick loss of interest in anything or anyone.
The source of vanity is often self-doubt, and the way to get rid of it is to increase self-esteem. However, the latter can only be achieved through successful activity inspired by objective interests. Do you know what I mean? I think so, since I’ve already read up to this page. I'm happy to know this!
Shoemaker and painting. Parable of unknown origin
One skilled artist created a painting and put it on display for the audience to judge. Many praised his new work. And only the shoemaker noticed a flaw in the painted sandal.
After listening to the shoemaker's comments, the artist immediately corrected the painting. The shoemaker became so proud that he began to say that the shin was drawn poorly, the knee, and in general the whole leg was drawn incorrectly... To which the artist answered him:
- Don’t judge, shoemaker, above the shoes!
We often experience vanity when achieving goals. This moment when you feel your Self above all else. Thus, my friend, alas, pride is born! Don't follow the shoemaker's example. Stop looking “above the shoes” right now. You can, this is already known about you! Come on. Stop it.
The role of omnipotence
The feeling of omnipotence often manifests itself in people who dream of being in power, dream of getting rich or becoming famous, or even more powerful - they want it all. So, know that this can only be a desire for a certain mask! This is not the true desire and, of course, not always the true path.
When a person achieves something, realizing that his actions are dictated by the Mission, he cannot experience vanity. For him, this is a process of pleasure, this is love in action, free giving. You’ve tried this and know exactly what those feelings are! Do you remember?
Another option: a person who has been offended or disappointed can make a promise to himself to become rich, famous, influential in order to prove to someone how wrong he was. Do you understand the difference?
When a person loves, he creates and achieves success. He will continue to love people, his field of activity and achieve success. This is how he values himself, respects and admires himself. But there is no place for pride in this story! You probably already remembered a couple of things. Nothing. Don't worry. You can handle everything!
The nth version of events about those who, after being offended, received fame, money and recognition. They can often boldly, indiscriminately, trample others. To be unattainable, significant, and even illusory to imagine. This is one of the blocks!
Look. A person has achieved everything he wanted, received all the “awards in the world”, he quickly gets tired of this feeling, and he begins to look for similar experiences, getting carried away by gambling and drugs (other substances). So he looks for new emotions. And his internal Enemy - Vanity begins to torment our “hero” from the inside, directing him to everything that gives rise to extreme sports and adrenaline.
It is very important to me now that you understand your true desires and intentions. Imagine that you have time, but it doesn’t last forever! Stop, don't panic. Realize that you won’t be on the pedestal forever either! Sooner or later, you simply will not be on earth, and someone else will take your pedestal. Such a prospect, right?
No, my friend, she is beautiful! You have the opportunity to make a difference for others and leave an amazing mark on your history! Two hundred years will pass, and your grandchildren will read that, despite the difficulty of the path, you reached your peak and helped others! They will read about how you remained in any situation the one they talk about with love and admiration. They will remember you from enthusiastic retellings! Well, did you get goosebumps?
I want you to now imagine yourself on your temporary pedestal, which you managed to reach with love in your heart. Strive only for this format of action! It can't be otherwise. There is no point otherwise!
“Even the sages are the last to leave the thirst for glory.”
— Tacitus,
ancient Roman historian
Think and make a decision here and now, at the moment when you are on your way to the top. What kind of person do you want to be? Kind, generous, forgiving? Do you want to give and not wait for an answer, to love and appreciate yourself and others? I think it’s worth choosing this option, where there is a simple human understanding of life.
“Only then will you become a person when you learn to see a person in another.”
— Alexander Nikolaevich Radishchev,
Russian novelist and philosopher
