How shyness manifests itself and how to overcome it

General information

A timid individual is a person who is unsure of himself and his actions, is shy, fearful and shy. He experiences difficulties before any undertaking. Some experts are convinced that this character trait is innate and not acquired. It often manifests itself at an early age, continuing to progress as one gets older.

Social cowardice is another name for timidity. This quality is also called mental retardation. It often manifests itself in fear based on social situations, limited mobility, and isolation.

This character trait brings particular problems to children in high school, when young people get married. If we are talking about a timid girl, then she can still exist normally in such a situation, while a guy may have serious troubles that will leave an imprint on his adult life.

The presence of timidity in adolescence - ridicule of peers and loneliness.

Rules for overcoming

  1. Greeting others first is a basic rule to overcome shyness. You should exhale, calm down and raise your head, thereby showing the whole world that self-esteem is at its best.
  2. Looking directly into the eyes shows the interlocutor that this is a confident person who is worthy of his attention and respect. To feel freer in an unfamiliar company, you should practice at home, with loved ones. When going to a new company, you can prepare topics for conversation, speak them in front of the mirror, working on your speech so that it sounds clear.
  3. You should carefully choose your wardrobe, and for girls, make-up and jewelry.
  4. If the conversation reaches a dead end, the questioning method helps, i.e. you should actively ask about something, showing your interest in the topic.
  5. You should not be nervous before the meeting; auto-training will help with this. You should breathe freely, remind yourself of your own importance and confidence. Light fantasy and dreams, presented as reality during a conversation, will add a special charm to the meeting.

Awareness of your importance will help you get rid of unnecessary complexes and drive away feelings of shyness and self-doubt, which will happen over time.

Methods of famous people

  1. The famous physicist Lev Landau was hindered by his own shyness. He thought that those around him were laughing at him. To get rid of the phobia, he decided to meet his fears halfway: he deliberately dressed ridiculously and went for a walk in order to stop being afraid of the opinions of others.
  2. Mahatma Gandhi was very shy about public speaking. The lawyer could not control himself in public; his words seemed to stick to his tongue. After moving to South Africa, he saw many people in need of his help who came to him every day. Gandhi tried to help everyone, and gradually he developed a sense of usefulness for others. This gave him confidence and eliminated his shyness.
  3. Gloria Estefan was an insecure and shy person. Her husband instilled in her self-confidence and helped her overcome her shyness and fear of public speaking. This is a method of the so-called support group, which pushes towards the right decision and action. Picasso's talisman and inspiration was his mother. She admired his works, while others criticized him.
  4. Stephen King's method says that you shouldn't give yourself time to doubt. You can’t dwell on the past and constantly doubt the future. In alarming situations, you should pull yourself together and, after thinking and calming down, make a decision and act, no longer looking back or thinking about what could have been different.
  5. Eleanor Roosevelt thought not about herself, but about others, in order to overcome her main shortcoming - shyness. She made empathy her strongest character trait (she supported black women around the world in their struggle for equal rights) and became the favorite of all Americans. Her sensitivity transformed into altruism.

Possible reasons

Childhood psychotrauma can lead to the development of timidity.
The development of timidity can be influenced by events that occurred at different stages of a person’s life. It can be:

  • any psychological trauma in childhood;
  • features of adolescence;
  • fears that arise in adulthood.

At any of these stages, a person faces some kind of tests, usually based on adaptation to society.

The following factors can influence the development of shyness in childhood:

  • frequent bans;
  • severe punishment;
  • regular quarrels between parents;
  • artificially developed sense of shame;
  • isolating oneself from peers, lack of communication with them;
  • lack of serious perception of the child by parents;
  • inability to correctly express one’s thoughts, resulting in ridicule from other people;
  • lack of faith of the mother and father in the child’s abilities. Regular repetition of phrases like “you’re not capable of anything”, “you’ll never succeed anyway” leads to a decrease in self-esteem, a personality disorder, which is accompanied by excessive timidity.

During adolescence, children react very sharply to what is happening around them. Any wrong step can lead to rash consequences that will force the child to be extremely cautious, timid and shy in the future.

There may also be an imaginary manifestation of timidity based on:

  • fear of appearing tactless in the eyes of other people;
  • lack of need for further development - a person hides behind timidity as an excuse;
  • fear of responsibility - the individual does not take on any business, not wanting to shoulder responsibility, which is why he looks timid in the eyes of others.

Causes of timidity

There are several reasons for shyness. Experts put forward the following theories:

  • congenital shyness;
  • behaviorism;
  • psychoanalytic theory;
  • version by A. Adler;
  • causal factors.

Congenital timidity

For the first time, the theory of innate shyness arose in England, after a survey was conducted and a pattern of shyness was identified in parents and their children. People who score low on the boldness-confidence scale and high on the timidity-threat sensitivity scale, according to this theory, may suffer from innate shyness.


The American theory of behaviorism states that a shy person reacts to the environment in a unique way; for some reason, he has not developed communication skills. To fix this, you need to change the form of communication.

Psychoanalytic theory

Shyness can be associated with personal development, with a violation of internal harmony. A pathologically shy person conflicts within himself and unconsciously cannot control his feelings.

Version by A. Adler

Adler uses the term inferiority complex in his development. He claims that each person chooses his own path in life depending on development. Inferiority and physical disabilities have a direct impact on his view of the world.

If a person is sick, then society rejects him. Because of this, self-confidence disappears, personal qualities freeze in their development. It is especially difficult for those who suffered a serious illness in childhood: the child grows up and, instead of interacting with society, becomes dependent on it.

Causal factors

Causal factors include natural and social.

  1. Natural denotes the innate quality of the nervous system. It happens to both introverts and extroverts. Outwardly shy people turn out to be active and sociable. Numerous contacts hide their inner insecurities and fear of publicity.
  2. The social factor is a feature of the combination of mental development with raising a child in the family.


A child without the understanding and love of his parents becomes withdrawn. He begins to consider himself the culprit of all troubles and becomes either timid with friends or overly aggressive and touchy.


The desire of parents to raise a “correct” child by constantly monitoring and restraining his emotional impulses leads to negative consequences. The submissive person becomes timid and withdrawn from the world, and the protesting person turns into an aggressive and uncontrollable person.

An idol in the family or an anxious-suspicious type of upbringing

Distortion in parenting is critical to the development or absence of timidity. The shyness of the only child in the family arises from the fact that he does not know how to do anything on his own.

Characteristic manifestations

A timid baby will rarely smile, and it will be difficult for him to get used to people. Such a child will be passive, will experience difficulties, and will find it very difficult for him to leave his comfort zone. Along with timidity in children, as a rule, there is awkwardness, embarrassment, and sometimes physical weakness.

Shyness may be characterized by the following signs:

  • looking away when making eye contact;
  • communicating with hands folded in front of you (closed pose);
  • presence of social phobia;
  • fear of being judged;
  • ignoring events where there are a lot of people.

A timid person in a situation that will throw him off balance may experience the following symptoms:

  • redness of the cheeks;
  • chills;
  • trembling in hands;
  • dizziness;
  • profuse sweating;
  • tachycardia.

When was the term used?

The essence of any word is laid down by the speaker, but specific definitions can be found in the dictionary. It’s not difficult to remember them, just two:

  • lack of confidence in one’s actions, appearance, moral or physical qualities;
  • name for a feeling of mild fear.

Etymologically goes back to the words "slave" and "child". This means that we mean a person who is not fully free, responsible for actions, and therefore afraid to make decisions. This is natural timidity.

But at some point it became fashionable. An integral part of etiquette and an elementary manifestation of politeness, respect for elders in age, origin or position in society. Any young lady at her first ball, in order to please the gentlemen, will shyly lower her gaze and blush pleasantly. Even the traditional blush from the makeup set is a legacy of those times.

timidity is


Shyness can lead to loneliness

It is necessary to understand the consequences of timidity:

  • failure to demonstrate oneself properly;
  • inability to get what you want, for example, a salary increase;
  • inability to make further development due to the fact that there is a strong fear of condemnation from others;
  • lack of career growth;
  • loneliness as a result of difficulties in relationships with the opposite sex;
  • allowing oneself to be pushed around due to the fear of rejection. Thus, a timid individual can do work for others, borrow money, even knowing that it will not be returned to him, and with timidity it will be extremely difficult to demand it back.

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