Emotional dependence on a man: how to get rid of it, advice from psychologists

Love and sympathy: what's the difference

Women with extensive life experience also often make the mistake of mistaking a man’s slight love or sympathy for a sign of a serious feeling. The thing is that these emotions are very similar. Therefore, sometimes it takes quite a lot of time to recognize the true feelings of another person and your attitude towards him. But you can do this much faster if you understand at the very beginning what exactly connected you together.

Liking occurs when you have a positive attitude towards a person and he arouses your interest. Its signs are goodwill, disposition towards the object of interest, a desire to spend time with him.
Love is one of the most powerful experiences in a person’s life. It is based on deeper feelings and strong attachment.

It also happens that simple sympathy develops into a more serious and deep feeling. But no one knows exactly when this will happen – or whether it will happen at all. The line separating our feelings is too thin. However, we can still distinguish them from each other if we recognize the characteristic signs of these feelings.

The first sign of love in men is the willingness to sacrifice absolutely everything for the sake of their chosen one. It is not surprising, because this feeling is disinterested and tuned to giving, not receiving. It is much stronger than sympathy. Of course, we will not refuse to help a person we like. But at the same time, we will not give him the best to the detriment of our interests.

It seems to those in love that they cannot live without each other for even one day. And we endure temporary separation from people we like much more calmly. Therefore, the next sign of love is continuous thoughts about the chosen one, every moment of whose absence causes melancholy. If the feeling is superficial, then a man we like, who has disappeared from sight for a while, will be forgotten quite quickly.

Sympathy is rather a friendly feeling. It encourages us to become friends, buddies, comrades. And if a person we like does not have the same strong mutual feelings, then we react to this quite calmly. But non-reciprocal love always causes suffering. And for her sake we try to surpass ourselves, to become better. Sympathy is practically incapable of inducing someone to commit a heroic act. The sign of a loving person is the willingness to overcome any obstacles in order to be with his partner.

Why do people suffer from unrequited love?

Why do they endure relationships that bring them pain? After all, sooner or later, anyone who watches this mentally exhausting “corps de ballet” will have a reasonable question: “Is suffering really what they need?” Whatever, anyone! Sooner or later, such suspicions arise even among the sufferers themselves about themselves.

Why do some quickly find “their person” and remain happy with him for a long time, while others spend their whole lives reveling in fruitless passions mixed with pain? Periodically tired of the intensity of passions, such people withdraw into themselves and even make promises to never love anyone again.

Firstly, a person who finds the expression of love in suffering or believes that love without suffering is not possible, or that “suffering and love” go hand in hand in relationships, is prone to codependency - emotional dependence, or suffers from dependent personality disorder.

Secondly, the tendency to depend on other people does not come out of nowhere. Its emergence is preceded by upbringing in the coordinates of a “puppet.” Its leitmotif is all possible suppression of the will of the child, who is already dependent on the parent due to his child status. Suppression of his desires, refusal to take them into account at all. Considering the child only as an attachment to oneself, to the parent, and as an extension of oneself. This leads to the fact that the child is at first even afraid to think that he can have his own dreams, aspirations and goals, and then completely loses the ability to set them, desire and realize his “I”.

It’s not for nothing that dependent personality disorder used to be called self-suppressive disorder. As soon as such a person has the idea to do something himself, even if this thought is very creative, promising, unique, he will begin to look around to see who to ask for approval and permission. And if he doesn’t find anyone, he will simply reject this dream of his into the Shadow.

A codependent person, even before entering into a relationship - from childhood - has a whole bunch of neuroses resulting from many internal conflicts. But the worst thing is not even this, but the fact that he gets used to living with this worldview, gets used to the fact that another internal conflict can often unfold in his soul, supposedly out of nowhere, and he will receive another dose of suffering. He gets used to thinking in the category of “internal conflict.”

This explains the phrase that “a neurotic seeks a painful experience, seeks an experience that will give him pain.” An abusive upbringing made a person into a neurotic and taught him to think accordingly, to beat himself on the wrist (self-suppressive disorder). Accordingly, all thinking turns to search for such an experience, which entails the production of hormones in a “suffering” mood. And it turns out to be a vicious circle.

Thirdly, the lives of codependent people are poisoned by anxiety, fears and the desire to control everything. There are a whole bunch of fears here - from the fear of a mistake to the obsessive fear that you “stop being loved and abandoned,” although there is nothing wrong with the separation and termination of the relationship itself. Just two people gained experience and decided to move on each in their own way.

There is another factor that exhausts the psyche of such people - inadequate self-esteem. It may be underestimated, overestimated, but there cannot be a sober view of oneself, because the codependent does not know himself, his resources and abilities. And he is very afraid of meeting himself.

Due to female socialization, women for the most part have inadequately low self-esteem, while men, due to male socialization, are characterized by inflated self-esteem. It is their activity, mobility and inquisitiveness of mind that are encouraged from an early age, while girls in the process of upbringing are in every possible way limited, pulled back and clearly delineated areas in which it is better for them not to meddle in order to remain “within the limits”. We will return to the question of how men with high self-esteem are matched with women with low self-esteem, there is simply an ideal “contact”.

Inadequately low self-esteem entails underdevelopment of volitional resources and chronic self-doubt. And this, due to the action of psychological defenses, forces one to projectively experience negative emotions of envy, anger, irritation, annoyance and resentment towards other people who are more “lucky” - and towards the world order.

Another gap in upbringing becomes obvious - the lack of self-control, which is often replaced by the habit of suppressing emotions within oneself, but continuing to experience them and suffer from their intensity. And this, for a chain of reasons, means the development of new psychosomatic diseases and diseases of the nervous system.

In addition, another unpleasant side of the neurotic perception of reality arises. If at the beginning of their life, in childhood, future neurotics only think that they cannot influence the situation or control it based on their abilities - and this is the influence of upbringing, then a real neurotic really loses this ability, getting used to falling into emotions and feel mental anguish, suffer from it and elevate suffering to an indicator of sincerity, one’s own “realness” and subtle mental organization.

Thus, the formula for unhappy love is neuroses based on dependent personality disorder, raised to the square of abusive relationships. Unrequited love also applies here. Because... What is unrequited love for the psyche? It is simply a continuous stream of suffering at any time of the day or night, which is elevated to a cult.

The life credo of a neurotic: “I suffer, therefore I exist.” Because he was not taught to measure his sense of self by other aspects, for example, joy, thoughts, achievements. “There is no happiness in my life!” - he exclaims, going in search of misfortune. “If no one loves me, I don’t need anything in this life,” he cries into his pillow, devaluing his virtues and abilities, which he does not see point-blank or considers unimportant and no one needs.

But perhaps it was with the help of developing personal talents that he could pull himself out of the “hole” if he knew how to notice them and use them for his own personal benefit, and not for the sake of other people’s assessments.

How to distinguish love from infatuation

It's quite difficult. When a romantic relationship just begins, almost everyone is sure that they have found their soul mate. But time gradually reduces the intensity of feelings, and then they completely disappear without a trace. Therefore, it is important to determine when falling in love becomes real strong love. And for this you need to know the main signs of these feelings.

General or private

They usually fall in love with people with an attractive appearance: an aquiline profile, expressive eyes, a doll-like face, a stunning figure, etc.

Love embraces the image of the chosen one as a whole, and not just individual exciting details. In this case, physical attraction is combined with charm with all the personal qualities of the partner. One of the signs of a man’s love for a woman is admiration for her every action: her manner of communication, the habit of drinking coffee or doing yoga in the morning.

Instinct or awareness

A sure sign of falling in love is suddenness. Sometimes this feeling comes over us even at first sight. Scientists still cannot understand how and why this happens. Falling in love arises instinctively rather than consciously.

But love, in turn, takes time to mature. Just one or two glances are not enough for her. After all, in order to fully accept a person, you must first get to know him. And this requires a much longer time.

Constant or unstable

An unstable relationship is another sign of falling in love. The fact is that passion is changeable - it flares up and then subsides. Attraction does not have a solid foundation, deep roots that would fuel interest in a companion. It's superficial.

In contrast, love never fades away. The need for a loved one and the longing when separated from him will remain forever.

Madness or Sanity

This is a very important and significant difference that can have a significant impact on the continuation of the romance that has begun. A person in love often pushes friends and relatives into the background, replacing them with the interests of the chosen one. And even if immutable moral values are at stake (a vow of friendship, filial duty), the inclination of the heart will always prevail.

Therefore, a sign of a man’s love is the presence of respect not only for his chosen one, but also for everyone else. Of course, she is the best in the whole world. And therefore she herself will never allow him to forget about his loved ones. There will definitely be a place in the hearts of a loving couple for other people.

Easy or difficult

Lovers tolerate separation quite easily, without experiencing serious emotional discomfort at such moments.

In contrast, one of the most important signs of love is independence from space and time, constancy. The invisible connection of loving hearts remains even during separations and distances. They never tire of writing SMS and emails to each other, chatting on Skype, and are looking forward to meeting each other.

Resentment or compromise

The “candy buffet” period ends sooner or later. And then the couple in love begins to quarrel. And the more distant the day of acquaintance is, the more the partners feel the difference between themselves. During this period, any little things can cause big disagreements. As a result, resentment and dissatisfaction accumulate, outweighing the cup of affection.

But quarrels between people who really love each other only strengthen their relationship. A mutual desire to find a compromise and show mutual understanding is a sign of a reliable union. You may have seen more than once how, a couple of minutes after a loud dispute, spouses are already laughing, making fun of each other.

"I" or "we"

Another sign of falling in love is a person’s perception of himself as a separate person. He remains detached from his partner, thinking in terms of “I-he”. If the term “we” is absent in a couple’s conversations, it means that there is little that connects people other than passion. In such cases, a man may want to go on vacation without his beloved, be alone and will not change his previous habits.

A serious feeling is always associated with the concept of “we”. Therefore, one of the most important signs of a man’s love is the use of the words “us”, “us”. At the same time, no one should be burdened by the time spent together. On the contrary, a loving couple gets great pleasure from cooking dinner together, walking or talking on the phone.

Selfishness or sacrifice

Lovers think mainly about themselves, and lovers think mainly about their partner. Moreover, the former most often pursues a selfish goal. Of course, any young girl will love the attention of a respectable gentleman who owns a shiny new Cadillac. And more mature people usually reassure themselves: “let it be better than none at all.” Lovelaces will be happy to show off their new attractive girlfriend to their friends.

But the fact is that love and self-interest are incompatible concepts. After all, the main goal of love is to make your chosen one happy (by sacrificing, if necessary, your needs). She is filled with empathy, friendliness and trust.

Physical or spiritual

It's no secret that the external similarity of love manifestations hides a significant difference. The goal of lovers is to receive life’s pleasures and benefits that give tangible results.

However, love inspires and at the same time strengthens the spirit, because all difficulties are divided in half, and joy is multiplied by two.

Of course, the signs of a man’s love in each situation should be considered individually. In addition, in practice everything turns out to be much more complicated than in theory. Sometimes it happens that a simple hobby becomes a deep heartfelt attachment. But, unfortunately, this does not happen as often as we would like. Therefore, when trying to determine your feeling, think about whether it pushes you into the abyss of passions or elevates you to the skies.

Real signs of male love.

According to studies by European scientists on event-induced depression, men suffer from this disease much more often than women.
Because of internal experiences that they are unable to cope with, they more often commit suicide and try to cripple themselves, as this allows them to distract themselves from mental pain with physical pain, which is much easier to deal with. Among them there are more alcoholics, drug addicts, those who refuse to eat, and overly aggressive people who can harm others.

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And until a man breaks this vicious circle, he does not get rid of the terrible circumstances in which he lives, as well as from the people who strangled him with claims, pressure, demands, reproaches, criticism, and maybe attention, care, the eternal desire to be with him all the time him, he will not get rid of suffering, even if he begins to be treated.

Treatment will only remove the consequences in the form of aggression, bad mood, but sooner or later, the accumulated complaints and fatigue from leading a life that you don’t like will explode and no one can predict in what form it will be.

A man can leave his family, quit his job, fall into deep depression, start drinking, immerse himself in online games, gambling, change women like gloves, commit suicide if it’s really bad, and everything is so terrible that he doesn’t sees no way out, since he finds himself in a hole from which he no longer has the strength to get out.

To get out of depression, men need to be ready to admit that they, too, can suffer and this is absolutely normal, seek help from a psychologist, at least via the Internet, and hear what will help them get rid of this negative and dangerous condition. And do everything to get rid of the conditions that turned their life into hell and made them suffer.

All women want to be loved. And loved ones so that it is not just infatuation on the part of a representative of the stronger sex, but real male love. And each of us secretly dreams of such love, as described by Mikhail Bulgakov in his novel “The Master and Margarita.”

Namely, so that “love will jump out in front of us, like a killer jumps out of the ground in an alley, and hit us both at once! That’s how lightning strikes, that’s how a Finnish knife strikes!” That's all. And in the relationship between the two, everything immediately became clear and understandable, and the lovers can only enjoy their happiness.

However, in reality such cases are rare. It often happens that quite a long time passes after meeting, and the true manifestations of male love are not visible. No, he can speak kind words to his girlfriend, give her flowers, be very gentle in bed, call regularly, and so on. But that’s all.

Asking a man about this directly in this case is useless. Representatives of the stronger half of humanity answer such a question with complete frankness only sometimes. And not because they are pathological liars.

Simply because male psychology in love is very different from female psychology, therefore the peculiarities of the behavior of a man in love are such that sincere confessions are very difficult for him. Some of them find it much more difficult to tell the truth about their feelings than to lie.

So what should a woman do? Continue month after month to hope for the seriousness of the feelings of a man in love? What if these relationships are superficial? Break up with your current friend? What if he really feels real masculine love for her, but remains silent because such is the psychology of men in love?

Dilemma. And as time goes by, the woman becomes more and more attached to her lover, and the question of the seriousness of the relationship becomes more and more painful. What if all this is temporary, and one fine day he won’t come, won’t call, and then completely disappear forever?

Who knows how to understand it, this very psychology of a man in love? And, in general, she would insist on a frank answer. But she is afraid to scare him away with her persistence... What to do? The answer is simple.

In reality, there are quite a lot of manifestations of male love, and if you notice them in a man’s behavior, you can be relatively calm - he really loves. But first, of course, you need to know what these manifestations are and what the characteristics of the behavior of a man truly in love are.

In the subtle art of relationships, women are undoubtedly considered unsurpassed masters - they are unpredictable, mysterious, and often their behavior defies any logical analysis. And therefore there is an opinion that men in this regard are much clearer and simpler, that there is nothing complicated in the psychology of men in love and that their behavior does not represent any secret for women.

In fact, this is far from the case. Just in male psychology in love there is a lot that is unclear even to specialists in this matter. One of the representatives of the stronger sex, falling in love, begins to go crazy, begins to pursue his beloved at every step, sing serenades, shower him with expensive gifts... And then he completely cools down to the object of passion and stops noticing it.

Someone, having fallen in love, hides, behaves very carefully towards the woman he loves, diligently putting on a dismissive or abstract look. And such a situation, when not a single gesture and not a single word betrays a man in love, can last for years.

Both behavior can be both a true manifestation of a man’s love for a woman, and an expression of a temporary, albeit rather long-term, infatuation. In a word, if the masculine gender were predictable, then women would not be tormented by doubt and uncertainty, not knowing how to interpret the psychology of men in love.

Just a few decades ago, one of the most powerful arguments for confirming a man’s true love for a woman was meeting his parents. And the acquaintance ceremony itself was already implied as a small step to the door of the joint home and to the beginning of family life.

But time passes, everything changes. And our parents, if they are not ossified conservatives, are no longer surprised by the freedom in relations between a man and a woman. Advanced mothers and fathers today are quite calm about the fact that even in a short time, a daughter may have several potential candidates for husbands, and a son may have his “only and forever beloved.”

In addition, over time, the age at which men reach adulthood has increased significantly. If earlier guys demobilized from the army were already real men, ready to start a family and raise children, today young people under thirty are still considered young men who are in no hurry to consciously have offspring.

And here, too, sometimes such signs of male love as a girl meeting her mother do not play any role. Because in fact, this is not his desire, but the desire of his mother - to find out who her son is dating now, in order to calm down or, conversely, to get upset and in time to dissuade him from a rash step.

Many women don't know how to find out if a man loves them.

And if experienced young ladies who have been through a lot already know at least the basic signs of true male love, then young girls and girls inexperienced in matters of love have no idea how to recognize a man’s love, how to distinguish a real feeling from a beautiful lie, they have not yet learned to separate the grains from the chaff.

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In order to come to the conclusion that a man loves you, it is enough to have only the overwhelming majority of the signs of male love given here in his words and actions. Well, if male behavior does not correspond to most of the signs, it means that most likely (but again - not a fact, but very, very likely) the man does not really love you, but is only playing love cat and mouse, and in this In this case, the cat is he, and you are assigned the role of a gray and suffering mouse.

Real signs of male love. If a man loves, then...

If a man loves a woman, then he never humiliates her.

If a man loves, then a girl doesn’t need to win his love, respect, she doesn’t need to prove absolutely anything - all the evidence already lives in his heart and you can’t burn it out with hot metal.

If a man experiences true love for a woman, and does not suffer himself and does not torment his beloved with neurotic illusions, then he will never hit her under any pretext: he does not hit her, which means he loves her. And this applies not only to physical, but also to moral, mental, and psychological blows.

Many women don't know how to find out if a man loves them. And if experienced young ladies who have been through a lot already know at least the basic signs of true male love, then young girls and girls inexperienced in matters of love have no idea how to recognize a man’s love, how to distinguish a real feeling from a beautiful lie, they have not yet learned to separate the grains from the chaff.

Of course, you shouldn’t take these secrets of female wisdom and little female tricks too seriously: in order to come to the conclusion that a man loves you, it is enough to have only the overwhelming majority of the signs of male love given here in his words and actions.

Well, if male behavior does not correspond to most of the signs, it means that most likely (but again - not a fact, but very, very likely) the man does not really love you, but is only playing love cat and mouse, and in this In this case, the cat is he, and you are assigned the role of a gray and suffering mouse.

Nonverbal signs of love from men

Most men consider showing feelings a sign of weakness. However, this does not mean that they do not have them. They are just carefully camouflaged. In reality, a man who hides his feelings will try to avoid conversations, glances, and other contact with you. But at the same time, he won’t let you out of his head for a minute. And, despite all his efforts, if a man suffers from love, the signs will be obvious. Let's look at those that occur most often.

Female coquetry and the manifestation of male sympathy differ in that the latter is manifested more carefully. And several coincidences may well be accidental. But if you notice at least 3-4 repeating signs from the above list in the behavior of a friend, we advise you to take a closer look at him.

Why do we fall away from love?

Our life here is, of course, a preparation for the eternal life there. Here we learn to love our parents and children in order to learn to love all of humanity, and most of all, God. After all, life is the school of good manners of eternity, the hidden pedagogy of heavenly heights, this is the nursery of humanity, in which we learn to walk in the sky and speak with the beloved Logos.

I, too, have wondered why God requires us to work so hard when raising children.
Some small lump of flesh, but he has an immortal soul, and how much continuous work you need to put in to see the child as a big person - and get used to the fact that he will leave you. How many thousands of times do you need to feed the baby, warm him, take him in your arms, change him, calm him, caress him - until he forgets about you. And I answered myself after long philosophical conclusions that babies are the highest gift that is given to us from God so that we can see with our own eyes the nature of paradise, get used to it and want it in order to inherit it forever. We raise children for a short period of time in order to inherit the eternal infancy of paradise. Returning to love. The saints were awarded the glory of Christ and the title of fathers, because they loved all people, as we love our children. Imagine how their hearts in the universe must have expanded (by contrition) so that they would root for all people with love and pity. How huge their heart was - larger than the whole world, because it had the power to expand along with the boundless love entering into it.

Along with their love for all people, their compassion for those who suffer undoubtedly increased immeasurably. After all, to love means to root for someone with your heart, to secretly and incurably suffer every time, with every failure and fall of your loved one.

The saints are the fathers of humanity, for they loved humanity with a fatherly love, raising it on their virtues, listening to how it hurts because of its infirmities, shedding tears all night long at the head of humanity, rushing about in the fever of terrifying non-existence.

I will also say this: love is pain at the sight of the pain of a loved one. Let us just imagine for a moment how infinitely painful it is for God to see the failures of all people, the millions of dying prodigal sons, to hear the silent, but deafening cry of humanity, which has fallen into the slavery of death by its own will.

To narrow the topic, conjugal love, which gives light and life to the universe through the birth of children, is the personification of the Creator’s love. However, with all this, few family people are truly happy and aware of this iconic power of their love - to represent the personification of the invisible love of the Eternal.

For the most part, we fall away from love, do not understand it, or no longer allow it into our hearts. Falling away from love is the saddest phenomenon in a person’s life. Along with it, hatred enters the soul with the assistance of the evil one, that is, the murder of another person in our heart, jealousy as total control and narcissistic possessiveness, indifference as desolation of the soul, selfishness as the growth of a tumor of the “I” on the world around us, etc.

What is the reason for this illness, this inferiority of ours and the falling away of each of us - to a certain extent - from love? I think it's mimetism. Mimetism is the ability of a person to imitate what he sees. We love those who love us, hate those who hate us, imitate the manners, words, and behavior of those around us. The French say: “Un bon bailleur en fait bailler sept” (“He who yawns well, then seven begin to yawn”).

From infancy, imitation is a fundamental property of our nature. We imitate those around us (“Why are you laughing?” - “Because you are laughing”). Education is nothing more than following the greats in human history. Learning is the imitation of some basic actions, but it must be constantly stimulated through creativity.

Mimetism is also the worldly foundation of laws. We punish those who have done evil and do good to those who do good. It is also the foundation of earthly morality. Every deed receives its corresponding reward. The law of retribution and, in general, all moral, legal or religious codes of mankind are variations on the theme of social mimetism. When the Savior comes and commands us to love our enemies, all the mimetic walkers of the world instantly collapse, they break under the load of the infinite love of the Creator who has come to us. Everything that we have ever known about the world is crushed, broken on the Path of love of the One who gave His Body to be broken for our sake.

But in love, mimetism is destructive. He brings with him the trading of feelings, which inevitably leads to death. "I love because you love me." And if they say to you: “I love you,” then you must certainly answer: “Me too”... However, mimetism does not take into account the fact that people have a fallen nature: if you receive an insult, then you yourself insult in return, and any word can be returned back to the person who said it, as if in some kind of ping-pong of hatred and revenge. Mimetism is the fuel that is constantly added to the fire of all quarrels in the world.

What would happen if we learned to drive away this spirit of imitation from ourselves? We will not be able to do this completely, but still each of us can take a step forward in this direction. Respond to every bad word with love. For every slap, turn the other cheek. So that every blow receives consolation in return. Blessing followed curse. After all, this is precisely the commandment of God: “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who use you and persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5: 44-45). And without mimetism we would not have suffering, there would be no separation, hatred, revenge, wars, pain, death.

The same internal mimetism is the expectation that the other will confirm his love for us. Each person has his own expectations within the existential framework in which he imitates others. However, waiting indefinitely for this confirmation of love kills love itself. A person must realize that he is infinitely loved by God. No one will ever take this love away from him. If through prayer we train our inner feelings to feel this love, then we will never need others to confirm their love for us.

Too many people suffer from failures of this kind, expecting that they will receive something completely different from what it actually is. People suffer terribly because of something that no one else will ever know about. This is an absurd game of imagination and confinement in one’s own insectarium[1] of values, which can lead to nothing but suffering. And every pain that follows the failure to fulfill our expectations actually turns into a total anesthesia of our spiritual feeling, with which we perceive the love of God. This is the same atheism, a little embellished, but just as destructive, when we no longer feel the sacrificial love of the One who created us.

Our entry into the love of the Almighty is accomplished through love for the mortal and imperfect people around us. And this love should in no way expect confirmation from others, nor function according to the mimetic laws of blind nature, but should be that creative and heavenly ferment, thanks to which the wheat, laboriously ground in our hearts, is transformed, by the warmth of the Holy Spirit, into living prosphora , kneaded by the hands of God and anxiously awaiting to become the most pure Body of Christ, giving life and love to the world.

Other hidden signs of a man's love

A guy who tries to hide his romantic feelings will try to control himself all the time. But one day he will definitely begin to gradually go on the “attack”, be the first to show interest or respond positively to the coquetry of his chosen one. Moreover, from the outside it will be very noticeable that he is experiencing something similar to euphoria during this period.

A man's love for a woman. Signs and signs:

Eager to talk

When a man who doesn't interact much with other people starts a conversation with you first, it could be a sign of his hidden love. It is unlikely that he will behave this way with a woman he is not interested in.

"Covert Surveillance"

An interested guy often looks at a girl in those moments when she is looking in the other direction. Sometimes it is very easy to notice or feel it. Especially if this behavior is repeated repeatedly.

A gaze into the eyes

A more obvious sign is when a man catches a woman’s gaze with his gaze and tries to hold it.

This is how he directly shows his interest.

Flirting

Perhaps you should take a closer look at a man who always talks to you in high spirits, often jokes and tries to make a good impression on you. Most likely, you are the reason for his joy.

Smiles

Another hidden sign of a man’s love is a smile while talking to a woman or when he sees her. As a rule, representatives of the stronger sex do not try to charm everyone and do not give smiles to those in whom they are not interested.

Dirty jokes

Such jokes in conversation may well be a sign of hidden feelings on the part of a man. Although in this case it is difficult to judge what exactly his intentions are.

Signs of attention

These include any offers to help: carry your heavy bag, escort you or give you a ride, etc.

Physiological features

The reason for such extreme male suffering is due to the fact that, due to biological characteristics, men produce much less of the joy hormone - serotonin - than the fair sex. And when hard times come, the situation becomes even worse, its number drops very low.

Often, such a state of depression is not a psychiatric or psychological problem that needs to be treated with medications that raise the level of hormones that improve mood, or consultations with a psychologist who will help find the reasons that deprive him of joy.

In most cases, the problem of a man's suffering lies in the horrific conditions in which a man is forced to live, sometimes through his own fault, and more often through the fault of others who do not try to help him when needed, but use him, squeezing him dry.

How does a man behave when he wants to convince you of his feelings?

In addition to men who hide their love, there are also those who talk about it too much. In the latter case, words often turn out to be a game or even a lie. In order not to fall into the trap of false expectations, it is important to understand in time what type of man next to you is. And this is quite simple, because the signs of a man’s love for a woman are most clearly expressed in behavior:

He opens his soul.

Stories about past failures and one's shortcomings are not at all typical of men. Therefore, anyone who dares to discuss such “uncomfortable” topics with you really considers you special.

Does housework without problems.

Of course, a guy with a large bouquet of roses looks more romantic than the one who washes the floor and takes out the trash. But helping with cleaning is a sign of a man’s love, a manifestation of his care and intention to make your life easier.

Of course, he doesn't iron his pants because he enjoys it. He may even hate the process, but he will do it to make you happy.

Doesn't hesitate to ask you for help.

This could be a story about troubles at work, a request for advice or help with choosing a gift for your sister’s anniversary. The important thing is that he is interested in your opinion. After all, this is a sign that he considers you a close person.

Seeks physical contact.

If your lover tries to cuddle you somewhere in a hypermarket, this may even cause irritation. But don't judge strictly. It’s great that he enjoys tactile contact.

Take this as a hidden compliment, a non-verbal sign of a man's love. In addition, by touching you, he shows others that you belong to him and “drives away” rivals.

Gives you what you wanted.

If you received those earrings for your birthday that you mentioned in passing a few months ago, congratulations: your partner listens carefully and is excellent at remembering information related to you. Surely he also spent more than one day searching for the jewelry of your dreams in different jewelry stores in the city. And at the same time he was anticipating how you would joyfully throw yourself on his neck when you saw the surprise.

He likes to spend all his free time with you.

This is especially noticeable when a man shares with you even those activities that are not very interesting for him (for example, shopping). Don't be alarmed if one day he starts reading women's magazines with you - this is a sign of his love.

Ready to give in.

Only a truly loving man will be able to give in, instead of insisting on his own. This is logical, because he is trying to make you happy. This means that he will be able to ignore minor reasons for possible quarrels (like an unprepared dinner). In addition, his concessions mean fear of losing you.

Declares his love directly.

Women really like to hear such confessions. And the more often, the better. Almost everyone sometimes asks: “Tell me, do you love me?”

But when a man talks about this on his own initiative, his voice sounds sincere, and his eyes shine with love - this is an undoubted sign of his love. Such feelings must be protected so as not to lose them because of some meaningless quarrel or thoughtlessly spoken phrase.

How to stop being a victim in a relationship

Everyone has long known that recognition makes life easier and makes it possible to find a way out of the current situation. Therefore, if you are a victim, and all your men are alike, then face the truth. Admit that you are attracted only to despots and men who are emotionally cold to you, who increase their importance at your expense and often smugly wipe their feet on you. And you are ready to serve and obey them, hoping for reciprocity and warm feelings on their part. Admit that only against the backdrop of such moral tyrants do you feel like a woman - vulnerable and weak. Face the truth and if you accept this situation, then you need to give up claims to respect and love from this man.

And then there will be no more confusion in your head. Everything will fall into place according to your dreams. You will no longer beg this man for attention and love, as you will clearly understand that you will not get it from him. At least to the extent that you dream of.

If you have realized and decided that you are not satisfied with the relationship between “love and pain” and you want to enjoy love, without pain and stress, then you need to become a full-fledged owner of your life. Do not shift responsibility for your suffering to another person, because this is your choice. If you want to suffer, suffer! If you don’t want to, become the mistress of the situation!

Top 5 books about the true love of a man for a woman

At all times, people read romance novels avidly, immersing themselves in exciting stories and deeply experiencing them together with the main characters. Some people find answers to pressing questions in them, others make up for the lack of love in their lives, and others simply enjoy high-quality text, an interesting plot and bright emotions. In each of these works one can notice the very signs of a man’s love for a woman, which were mentioned above.

V. Hugo “Notre Dame Cathedral”

This story has survived centuries, become a canon and given its heroes worldwide fame as household names. Here love and tragedy collide. The love of those for whom it was prohibited due to physical weakness, someone else's evil will and religious dignity. The main characters are a beautiful gypsy named Esmeralda, the deaf hunchback bell-ringer Quasimodo, the priest Claude Frollo, the captain of the royal riflemen Phoebe de Chateaupert, the charming Fleur-de-Lys and the poet Pierre Gringoire. Above all the characters of this work, the intertwining of their passions and the scene of action - medieval Paris, an unshakable Gothic cathedral rises.

Colin McCullough "The Thorn Birds"

A saga about 3 generations of one Australian family. She talks about people who went through many trials before they became happy; about the choice that is given to each of us; about love for your land. You will meet gentle, modest and proud Maggie, as well as the priest Ralph, whose heart is torn between his love for God and his love for a woman. Learn how a devout Catholic carried love throughout his life. What choice will he make? And what will be the consequences of his decision?

Leon Vishnevsky “Loneliness on the Internet”

In many countries, including Russia, this novel became a real bestseller. He plunged readers into the modern life of lonely people spending time on the Internet. The main characters of this story fell in love with each other over ICQ. They met, experienced, communicated, exchanged erotic fantasies, studied each other - in the virtual world. Lonely in reality and inseparable on the Internet, they plan to meet in Paris...

Charles Dickens "Great Expectations"

One of the most popular works of the famous author. The plot is almost detective, with an admixture of mysticism and humor, shrouded in a thick layer of morality and told in amazingly beautiful language. As the story progresses, little Pip becomes a grown man. Not only his body and appearance changes, but also his views on life, character, and inner world. He faces dashed hopes, unrequited love for a heartless girl, but is ultimately reborn spiritually.

Cecelia Ahern "PS I love you"

In this story, love turned out to be stronger than death. The main character Holly is having a hard time with the loss of her beloved husband and is plunged into depression. She cannot find the strength to communicate with other people or even just leave the house. One day she receives a strange package in the mail with letters from her deceased husband. And from that moment on, her life is completely turned upside down. The husband knew that he would soon die and managed to prepare. Strictly following his instructions, she opens one letter every month...

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Source: yaroslav-samoylov.com

How to stop suffering after breaking up with a person?

How to learn not to react painfully to a person who was dear to you, and then treated you very badly in life? At least not cry when you see a nickname on the Internet or something similar on the street? Lomelind , Path to Nowhere

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Ask a psychologist a question!
The topic of human relations has already been repeatedly touched upon in the materials of the site. In relation to the question asked, I recommend carefully reading the article about pride and insignificance, and for the male audience of the site to additionally read the articles about family relationships and two types of male behavior.

It follows from the question that we are talking about a relationship that has ended, but continues to torment the soul. In psychology this is called an “unfinished situation.” A formal separation is never enough to cut all the connecting threads. Especially when it comes to relationships tied to mutual mental weakness.

I am talking about weakness because it is possible to cause mental pain to a person only when he is psychologically dependent on his partner. Resentment, anger, jealousy and similar feelings arise only when you expect something from a person, when you need his recognition, love and fidelity. This is common, but it is not normal.

People - especially in opposite-sex relationships - very rarely communicate “without a second thought.” Consciously or not, both partners always have some kind of views on each other, some plans, some hopes and fantasies. And the more of these “bells and whistles”, the higher the likelihood that one day the partner will present a surprise, will not live up to expectations, and will show his true colors. Then grievances arise to the point of tears - “I thought, but it turns out you...”

Judging by the question, we can assume that we are talking about relationships of just this type, when there was deep emotional penetration into each other, a lot of hopes and expectations. And then something happened that immediately crossed out all the dreams and ideas about a partner (boyfriend or girlfriend - it doesn’t matter). And the disappointment that arose due to the fact that the person was not what I wanted to see him became the reason for the breakdown of the relationship.

However, separation alone cannot relieve the pain of resentment. They say that time heals, but when applied to situations like this, this is a lie. Time only makes it possible to hide your experiences deeper, to the point of complete oblivion. But the emotions themselves do not fade away from this and burst out at the first opportunity - “when you meet a nickname on the Internet and a similar one on the street.”

If you don’t remind yourself of a painful situation for a long enough time, then, of course, you can completely push it out of your consciousness. But this is akin to trying to forget about your inflamed appendicitis. You can numb the pain, but in most cases it can be fatal.

So, we can say that in your situation, the separation occurred only on the external level. But inside you continue to worry, be offended, jealous, and so on. The pain that was caused to you will not disappear because you broke up, and will remind you of itself until you really deal with it, until the situation is finally completed.

To do this, you need to act in concert on two fronts - intellectual and emotional.

. First of all, you need to understand very clearly what kind of emotions are boiling inside you, what exactly offended you, what expectations were destroyed. This is what is called sorting out feelings. You can take paper and pen and just start writing down the chronology of external and internal events in every detail until there is nothing more to add. This kind of work allows you to look at the situation more soberly and thereby reduce emotional stress.

The next stage is to think about this. Every person has the right to be himself, as he is. Nobody owes us anything. In this world, everyone is for himself. And even the promises given to us do not give us the right to consider someone our debtor. It’s clear that you want to find someone you can completely rely on in everyday life and emotionally, but this will never happen. This is just a fairy tale that is told to children about human relationships.

The person who “did wrong” to you is not guilty of anything to you. All your painful experiences are solely your responsibility. It was your expectations that were not met, it was you who hoped that this person would behave your way. Without these aspirations, there would be no disappointment. Essentially - sorry for the “diagnosis” - it’s a matter of your own childishness. You need to grow up and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

But such a situation cannot be resolved with one’s mind. Emotions are not subject to intellectual exercises. For emotions to subside, they need an outlet. In the most primitive form, you just need to express your feelings to the offender - throw out the accumulated aggression. But this is really the most primitive option.

It is much better to learn to give vent to your emotions without involving other people in it, because this will only prolong your dependence on other people's participation in your life. But it was precisely this need that plunged you into such a painful situation.

The main principle here is to move towards your feelings and experiences. Do not hide from them, do not run away, as is usually done, but, on the contrary, allow them to come to the surface with all their intensity. Cry, break a couple of plates, but so that afterwards there is emptiness inside, not pain.

And don’t confuse opening an abscess with constantly picking at it. Emotions need to be poured out, and not splashed around in them endlessly. Do not feel sorry for yourself, do not complain about life, but accept the pain of this life in order to live on. And now, when there are no or almost no emotions left inside, you can truly part with the person.

You can do this on your own, alone, but it is better to carry out a ritual - meet and say goodbye to the person. Only now without offense, without accusations, without trying to hurt, get back or take revenge. Just complete the completed stage. Such a live meeting will provide an opportunity to assess whether all emotions have really already been experienced or whether there is something else left.

Of course, making recommendations is easier than implementing them. In addition, the nuances of a specific situation remained behind the scenes. But the principles for getting out of such emotional states are always the same. I hope that what I have written will be enough to take at least the first step in the right direction. And then everything will go by itself. Good luck!

How to understand the psychology of a man in love

Manifestations of love between men and women differ significantly. For example, to be sure that they are loved, women need to regularly hear confessions from their chosen one. Men often do not repeat the words they once said.

A man chooses his love object and proves his feelings with actions. Experts also distinguish five love languages: physical, auditory, gifts, time and service. Other experts emphasize that men do not tend to voice their feelings and emotions, but they will always listen to your wishes. In any case, a woman needs to learn to understand exactly how a man expresses his love.

Negative environment

When relatives do not want to hear him, they believe that their interests are above all, this leads to a life in which a man forgets about himself, his interests, he becomes a machine for providing comfort and convenience for others.

But since, despite his responsibilities to his family, he is still a living person with his own needs and desires. And he is also sensitive to attention, care, affection, love, respect, support, like others, and also wants to do what he likes, and not just what he is obliged to do, it is not surprising that soon his life, in his understanding, turns exclusively into a series of responsibilities and phrases “must”, “you are to blame” or “must”.

Only the man’s soul still suffers, and his thoughts remind him that something is clearly wrong with his life. Emotions cannot be turned off, and if a person subconsciously believes that another has hurt him with his words or actions, for him this is so, let him not think so or he himself does not think about the fact that he was hurt, letting it pass by consciousness .

How to understand a man's love by hugs

The hugs of a loving man are never careless. Men hug their chosen one with trepidation and love. In the arms of a loving man you should feel comfortable and warm.

Through hugs, men sometimes convey feelings that they cannot express in words. Listen to how you feel when a man hugs you.

A hug is a manifestation of care for you, your feminine essence and a sense of security. A mature man takes relationships seriously and understands that hugging is a reason for a woman to assume that she is claiming to be the only one.

How to understand that a man is suffering from love

A man can suffer from love in two cases: when he resists it and when he feels that you are not revealing yourself to him.

In the first case, the man must decide on the further development of the relationship, and you can only behave befitting a self-respecting woman: always be irresistible and affectionate, but do not let the man get too close to you until he makes you understand that his decision to be with you.

In the second case, the man’s suffering will be noticeable at first glance: he will look after you and woo you, but with your cold attitude the man will be drooping and, perhaps, even irritated. Anger is another manifestation of suffering.

How to stop suffering when the man you love ignores you

You feel unhappy because the one you love is ignoring you. Understand one simple truth to stop drowning in your own resentment.

There is a simple difference between love and being in love. True love is like a large pot of water that is set to boil over a fire. It takes a long time for the water to warm up, but once it does, it stays warm for a long time.

Infatuation is like a drop of water on a hot frying pan that sizzles, creates a lot of splashes and disappears before you know it!

If you really want to stop worrying about your partner ignoring you, you need to understand the difference between love and infatuation. And you need to understand that when the one you love ignores you, you are not dealing with love, but with a state of being in love, unless we are talking about a long-term relationship. If he ever showed interest in you, it was probably just infatuation on his part.

Now he doesn't care. You should do the same! Move on. How long are you going to stare at a blank wall or stalk him on social media? Just leave. This person doesn't care about you anymore, so why should you care about them? Of course it will hurt. And, of course, you will feel unhappy.

If you're ready to overcome your love addiction and let go of the man who is ignoring you, here are 10 steps that can help you feel better.

Don't get involved in a showdown with him.

Confrontation won't help. You are angry and helpless, but looking for a way out will lead you nowhere.

Leave behind the pleas and complaints

You will feel even more helpless and frustrated. The more you beg and plead, the more you make him move away and take another step away from you.

Write a sincere letter

If you really want to pour out your heart one last time, do it. However, this is not a solution because there is a very good chance that this man will simply read it, roll his eyes in disgust and throw away your sad and tear-inducing note.

There is a very small chance that your letter will be able to melt his selfish heart and soften him. But think about it, if this person knows how much you love him and still wants to hurt you by ignoring you, will he really care about answering your note or changing in the future?

Think about it. Even if he stops ignoring you after reading your note, will it last forever? Or will he just start ignoring you again after a while?

Here's a tip: don't pour out your unhappy feelings in a letter, even if you want this to be the last time you say anything to him. Just walk away, you won't find solace in writing a note. And you will only feel truly unhappy if he doesn't answer you.

Ask a question if you want this

If you really want an answer, just ask him the question casually. He may explain his behavior with a ridiculously lame excuse, but really, what else did you expect? The truth? Really? Ha!

Always be busy with something

Once you decide you're ready to get past the stage of trying to get in touch with him or explain to him how you feel, take the first step towards moving on without him. Start by doing something that distracts your mind.

Stop stalking him

Are you following this man all the time? Retreat, step by step. There is no happiness on the edge of a knife that pierces your heart, even if you yourself hold its handle.

Ignore him

Consciously decide to ignore this man. Cut out everything that ties you to this person. Don't try to keep in touch with him all the time. Don't jump with excitement every time you see his name on your phone. And even if you talk to him from time to time, don't think about it. Instead, realize how trivial he treated you every time he spoke to you.

Spend time with friends

Have you realized how easy it is to ignore this man when you are with friends and having a good time? This is the key. The more fun you have and the more distracted you become, the easier it is to move on and forget about his existence. Remember that talking to other people will distract you from trying to drift into thoughts about him. And that's always good.

Chat more often with those you like

You are hurt because someone you like is ignoring you. So change your hobbies! Try to focus your interest on someone else, even if this man is not someone you know well.

Realize your progress

And use this awareness to your advantage. You don't miss this man as much as you missed him last week, do you? This is a positive sign and a good sign of progress.

If you feel ignored by someone you love, understand the above principles and use these 10 steps to overcome your pain. It hurts and you may feel helpless right now. But as long as you use these techniques, you'll be in much better shape in no time! Isn't it worth the effort?

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How to understand a man is experiencing love or passion

You can understand that a man is deeply devoted to you and feels love for you by two main signs.

His feelings are always reflected in his behavior. If a man assures you of his love, but at the same time you do not feel his help and care, then you should think about the veracity of his words.

A loving man will never allow you to doubt him. He will not give you reasons to be jealous, he will always be honest with you. Ask yourself the question “What does he do for me?”

A loving man will always share everything he has with you.

A man is always ready to share his resources with the woman he loves. Moreover, we are talking here not only about the material component. A man's resources are his time, energy, sense of humor, creativity, friends, social connections, achievements.

A loving man will regularly invite you to spend time with his friends, make you the main guest of his home and give you the right to dispose of everything that is in it.

At the same time, admiration for you is one of the signs of mature love. A loving man understands the value of your relationship. He doesn't forget to highlight your strengths and thank you for your attention and efforts.

Ask yourself questions: “How does he behave with me?”, “Does he come to the rescue when I need it?”, “Is he ready to invest effort and material resources in the development of our relationship?”

Love is a completely unpredictable feeling that is not regulated by any rules. Moreover, the behavior and actions of a man in love can sometimes be very difficult to explain.

Photo gallery: Behavior and actions of a man in love

What can be said for sure is that the behavior and actions of a man in love are significantly different from the behavior of men and boys who are indifferent to this bright feeling.

There are some behavioral indicators of a man in love. For example, trembling in the body when he sees his object of adoration. This trembling cannot be overcome. In addition, the lover’s “burning” eyes give him away. It is the sparkle in the eyes that indicates that a person is currently experiencing the happiest moments of his life. Sometimes the behavior and actions of a person in love is characterized by a running and downcast gaze. This is explained by the fact that a man suffers from unrequited love.

A man in love is literally exploding from the inside with the most incredible feelings.

Some even experience real creative inspiration. If he had not previously been observed writing poetry or singing songs, now he literally gushes with love odes or plays the guitar for his beloved every day. And it’s not scary that most often his poems don’t rhyme or the song leaves much to be desired. The main thing is that a man does everything diligently and with soul.

In addition to behavior, the actions of a man in love change radically. Now he imitates his beloved in everything. If a girl loves watching TV series, then the guy forces himself to sit and watch these films with his girlfriend. If he loves cosmetics and often puts on makeup, then a man, in order to gain the favor of his beloved, gives her various cosmetic items.

How can a man in love behave? He may not sleep at night, dreaming of his beloved and reciprocity. Of course, falling in love is a pleasant feeling. However, persistent insomnia is the result of fatigue and sleepiness during the day. A lover is ready to do anything for his beloved girl. He wants to spend as much time as possible with his girlfriend, and not with friends. His friends start teasing him.

A man in love begins to call all women by only one name - his beloved.

Of course, women and girls will certainly be angry with him, but he doesn’t care about that. In the mornings you can see him “flying” on the wings of love to work or study. He enjoys every little thing and smiles at everyone. He tries to demonstrate all his positive qualities and show his abilities in order to surprise his beloved. A man in love does the most incredible things, for example, writes the name of his girlfriend and declarations of love on the asphalt in huge letters. If financial capabilities allow, a man in love can easily give his beloved the most expensive car or an amazing trip to Bali. You can get a tattoo on your chest with your loved one's name.

There are many signs that indicate a man is in love.

The first and main such sign is a man’s sexual attraction to a specific object. This is considered the first sign that shows a man’s sympathy for a girl. At first the man shows only sympathy, followed by love. In addition to sympathy, a man in love feels spiritual closeness with his partner. He likes to spend more time with his girlfriend. Loves to talk to her and touch her. Shows tenderness and does not hide his personal life. These signs indicate that this girl is not just his mistress, but a very dear person to him. By nature, men carefully protect their personal lives from strangers and do not allow interference. However, if he is in love, then he himself begins to talk about his love and gradually reveals the secrets of his own personal life.

If the beloved girl or woman asks, then a man in love can give up any of his habits, for example, give up playing poker with the guys every Friday.

Another sign that a man is in love is a manifestation of tenderness and desire to take care of his beloved. However, a man must be prepared for the fact that his tenderness and care will not be reciprocated. If a man really loves a woman, then he will not allow his beloved to suffer and cry because of his actions and deeds. A lover cannot intentionally offend his girlfriend. Although minor conflicts are not excluded in the relationship between the two. This is common to all people in love. Women should be careful, if a man is rude in a relationship or commits betrayal, this is proof that he is not at all in love, as he claims. In such cases, girls should think about how to build a future together. However, such relationships do not promise anything good.

You cannot constantly quarrel if people in love want to preserve their love. A man in love reacts only in the first stages of a relationship to a woman’s tears. Frequent hysterics tire men, he may even decide to leave his beloved woman. It is important to understand that you cannot evaluate a man in love in the first days of a love relationship. Love relationships develop and move from one stage to another. The lovers will get to know each other day after day and get used to the changes. Love relationships are not just about romance.

Is it possible to understand whether a man loves a woman or not? Men and women are built differently. It’s easier for a woman to say “I love you!” "than a man. Such recognition is a very serious act for a man. A man who openly admits this is already trying on the role of a dependent person. While women can calmly accept their addiction, men begin to panic. The more persistently his partner puts pressure on him, the more he begins to panic. That is why even the most loving man is in no hurry to confess his love and remains silent. To determine whether a man is in love, you just need to look closely at him.

Source: first-doctor.ru

Love does not always bring us happiness. Sometimes unrequited love or a painful breakup brings real physical suffering, both to women and men. A man who has been abandoned or who is unrequitedly in love will try to hide this condition, because it can be considered a sign of weakness. The behavior of a man who suffers from his love is characterized by certain signs.

Depressed emotional state

The most logical sign of a lovelorn person (regardless of gender) is a depressed emotional state. This is understandable; in principle, little makes a suffering person happy; he is sad and wants to be alone. Women in this case can vent these emotions through tears. But men, as a rule, are more restrained and do not cry, so this condition can suppress them longer and more intensely.

Avoiding serious relationships

A lovelorn man may be quite open to flirting or casual sex to take his mind off his sad thoughts. But he will most likely avoid a serious relationship. Firstly, because he suffers, and secondly, because he will be afraid of repeating this negative experience.

Sublimation

A man suffering from love will try with all his might to push thoughts about a woman out of his head. He will try to direct this energy in a different direction: throw himself into work, sports, creativity. The most negative, but unfortunately common, form of sublimation is the desire to drown out memories with alcohol.

Disguise

A man suffering from love will try in every possible way to hide his feelings and not give himself away. He will either try to laugh it off and try to seem deliberately cheerful, or he will try to avoid society so as not to give himself away.

Vivid emotional reaction

Well, another manifestation that can reveal a man who is suffering from love is his reaction to the mention of the woman for whom he is suffering. She can be emphatically cold or, on the contrary, overly mocking - in any case, she will be emotional.

If you notice these manifestations in the behavior of a man you like, then it is possible that this indicates that he is suffering from a breakup or unrequited love. You should keep this in mind, if you want to start a relationship with a man, you may need to give him time.

Source: femmie.ru

Chemistry of love

Women fall into love addiction of their own free will, choose a male representative who paid attention to them and begin to put them on a pedestal, even to the point of illness, mental disorder, and complete dissolution in him. Young guys have the chemistry of love in their bodies. I saw it and fell in love, in fact, with the picture, the external image and that’s it. And he begins, in the literal sense of the word, to “dry” for her.

There is such an expression in folklore, because this often happens. Such passion ends differently for everyone, depending on their upbringing in the family and their formed personality: some remain alone forever, others certainly try to achieve their goal by any means, including threats, and some even end up in the hospital in an extremely depressed state, wilt, and lose weight. , “dry out” before our eyes and no medications help.

It’s good if the doctor is able to get the sufferer to talk and find out who he is so worried about. The therapy is simple, you need a girl or girl to come and talk to him, sit next to him, without promising anything. What is happening inside is unknown, but he is beginning to recover. But he will try harder not to fall for this bait and not fall head over heels in love.

Further life will go almost according to calculation, he will marry a suitable girl, children will come, dad will be an exemplary family man. Although the possibility of acquiring a mistress is not excluded, apparently in order to “dilute” his amorousness a little, he will never leave his family. He was brought up to be decent.

Signs of love addiction

The main reason for love addiction is a strong feeling for a partner. The signs of addiction in men and women are approximately the same, Kuznetsova notes, but there are significant differences in how the love process proceeds.

The most common signs of love addiction in representatives of both sexes include the following: a reflection of changes in the partner’s mood on their well-being; biggest fear of being rejected forever; making every effort to prove that you are worthy (worthy) of love; painful jealousy; confidence that I have found my ideal; loss of ability to concentrate on work; acute perception of criticism from outsiders towards the partner; the certainty that it is impossible to live without a loved one.

Captured by a partner. Signs of love addiction in men and women

Love addiction is a painful condition from which no one is immune, neither weak nor strong people. What are the causes of “disease” and how to overcome it?

Typical situations are considered by Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency “Me and You,” psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relationships.

There is nothing good in love addiction, as in any other, says Kuznetsova. According to her, dependence on a partner is characterized by the fact that a person is not able to think about anything or anyone else except his loved one. At the same time, suspiciousness goes off scale: when the partner is not around, the “addict” imagines many different “horror stories” for himself, ranging from adultery to accidents.

Without a loved one, a dependent person cannot exist normally, because he loses the meaning of life.

The psychologist notes that even the strongest people are susceptible to love addiction, given truly deep feelings, regardless of gender and age. Another thing is that the period of falling in love lasts a different time for everyone.

“Even the most self-sufficient, brutal man, if he falls in love, he loses his head. I had clients like this. They admitted that as soon as they feel that they are really “hooked” on a woman, they run away. Otherwise, the situation significantly affects work. Men, for example, lose their business because they can no longer fully conduct business,” says Elena Kuznetsova.

Love addiction occurs differently in representatives of both sexes, the psychologist notes. According to her, men fall in love faster, but at the same time they “cool down” faster. For women it's the other way around. They do not fall in love right away, but later they let go of their partner harder and more painfully.

“For men, everything is more global and faster than for women. If a man (and all representatives of the stronger sex are tough visuals) sees his woman, he immediately understands that this is “mine” and begins to conquer the lady. A man “surrounds” his beloved with a “fence” so that no one steals it. The process is quite active,” explains Kuznetsova.

She also notes that women with a normal psyche “swing” more slowly and fall in love with a man not immediately, but gradually, because, first of all, they pay attention not to appearance (although this is also important), but to actions. And it takes time to see and evaluate these actions.

Then, according to the interpersonal relationship consultant, everything happens according to the following scheme. A man, having achieved a woman, calms down. Some time passes, he “gets drunk” with the lady and begins to pay attention to her shortcomings, which he had not even noticed before. A man, for example, understands that a woman has a bad character, or she is a bad housewife and does not know how to cook, and this is important to him, and so on. Gradually, the negative aspects “outweigh”, and there is a cooling towards the partner.

For women, everything happens differently. They fall in love with a ready-made “product”. That is, having fallen in love with a man, the lady has already managed to appreciate his appearance, character, business qualities, etc. At the same time, the young lady also somewhat idealized her beloved.

“A woman’s emotional decline turns out to be much longer, because she manages to fall in love with a man completely, since he suits her on all fronts. Women worry longer and move away longer, because they no longer love just their partner, but also their feelings for him,” Kuznetsova comments on the situation.

The psychologist recommends that ladies at the initial stage of a relationship learn more about the everyday preferences of their lover: what food he likes, shirts, what color he wears, etc. All this knowledge will help you keep a man near you in the future.

“If a woman is smart, she should take advantage of the moment while a man is in love with her. She must find out what a man likes and what he values. During this period, the partner gives the young lady the whole schedule, everything that is possible and impossible, he is “naked” in front of her. And when a man begins to cool down emotionally, a wise woman should offer the gentleman his complete favorite set: here are the pies, and here are the striped socks. And also dumplings – also from the list. A lady must do everything not to stray from the ideal,” states Elena Kuznetsova.

The stronger the dependence on a lover or beloved, the harder the breakup will be. It is impossible to say exactly how long it takes people to recover. The process is individual for everyone, but the general advice for everyone is as follows.

Immediately after breaking up with your loved one, try to leave for a while. A change of scenery is beneficial because in the new place nothing will remind you of the minutes spent together. In addition, new impressions and emotions will help crowd out sad thoughts.

Another option is to go completely to work. In this case, you also will not have time for tragic thoughts.

Don't forget about the gym. Work out until you sweat. Physical exercise will help relieve negative energy and relax.

It is important to organize your leisure time correctly. Try to keep your brain working all the time, so in your free time, read books (but reading should really captivate you) and watch movies. Just don’t opt for melodramas and romance novels where “everything is about me.” It is better to give preference to thrillers, action films, and films with “action”.

It’s better to forget about the “wedge by wedge” option. This method of forgetting your previous partner with the help of a new hobby is not very good, because psychologically people are often not immediately ready for a new relationship. We continue to love and remember one person and look for his traits in another. And when the comparison turns out to be not in favor of the new partner, we only become irritated, and no “recovery” occurs. The situation often only gets worse.

If you want to suggest your topics related to interpersonal relationships, write to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir

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