How to get rid of addiction to a man? Psychology of relationships between men and women

Most people intuitively understand the essence of manic love, and what it is, some know, alas, firsthand. Many individuals who rightfully consider themselves quite mature have experienced such an all-consuming feeling at some stage in their life cycle. And then, instead of joy and happiness, universal suffering came, from which it was not possible to free oneself too quickly. Essentially, we are talking about love addiction. A person who is in this state involuntarily begins to devalue his own reality, stops in individual development, and demonstrates weakness, not strength, to others. Such cases cause real pity, not admiration. Let's take a closer look at the manifestations of manic love. These signs would be good to know for anyone who wants to control their own life and not waste it in vain.

What is addiction?

In psychology, the term “addiction syndrome” is used. This condition is a pathology that requires specific treatment. Psychologists call the emotional need for another person a separate term - “codependency.”

According to the definition, this is a special state characterized by a specific combination of mental, emotional and physiological phenomena that determine the need for something or someone, elevating this object to first place in the system of life values.

Dependence can be both physiological, psychological and emotional. Both subtypes of this pathology have three stages of development:

initial;
average;
final

Of course, the easiest way to deal with this syndrome is in its initial stage. However, the question of how to get rid of dependence on a man usually arises only when the pathology becomes obvious and noticeable to both the woman herself and those around her. And this is precisely what makes the process of getting rid of the syndrome very long and difficult.

Derogatory behavior

It is dictated by extremely low self-esteem. Manic love as a phenomenon often leaves people no choice. A person resorts to a certain behavior, expecting to get some result. With the help of developed derogatory behavior, he asks for forgiveness from his partner, tries to attract attention to himself, and “atone” for imaginary sins. All these manifestations become possible only when we really stop valuing ourselves and sincerely believe that we do not deserve happiness for nothing.

With the help of constant humiliation, a person seems to be trying to prove to himself that he is unworthy of a better relationship, which is why he prefers to be in those that emotionally exhaust him.

What are the features of this emotional state?

Many women associate dependence in a relationship with submission to a man, “serving” his interests and the loss of their own personality. Without a doubt this is true. However, these conditions are only a small part of the overall picture. A woman can be completely dependent, but at the same time not submit, but dominate.

Psychologists identify the following roles that a woman dependent on them can play in a relationship:

savior;
pursuer, huntress;
victim.

There are three main types called the Karpman triangle. Such socio-psychological roles are characteristic of any relationship between people, but with addiction they take on exaggerated forms.

Accordingly, how to get rid of psychological dependence on a man should begin with awareness of the problem and with defining your type and role.

Constant self-sacrifice

Manic love lives by its own laws. It causes incredible suffering, while justifying negative emotions by the presence of some uncontrollable force. A person explains this to himself this way: they say, all lovers suffer. In fact, this is a huge, simply fatal mistake! A real feeling always brings joy, contributes to the development of the individual, and the discovery of her true interests and aspirations. If there is constant self-sacrifice in a relationship, then there is a problem. Surely one partner is simply using the other, and in reality there are no sincere feelings there. It is very difficult to track this moment when you are experiencing intense love, and the whole world appears in a new, amazing light!

What is the most common role?

As a rule, female “victims” turn to psychologists for help. They often do this under the influence of public opinion. “Chasers”, as a rule, do not notice any special problems, and other people usually envy them. If these are financially secure, socially independent women, then throughout their lives they do not realize that they are dependent.

“Savior” is the most common socio-psychological role. Women “love” losers, guys “with a sea of melancholy in their eyes”, suffering from alcoholism or drug addiction, terminally ill people, “unrecognized geniuses” and everyone else who needs help, pity, care, guardianship. This type of dependence grows out of maternal instinct, and it is very terrible for the female psyche.

A woman with such dependence completely devotes herself to caring for a man, to the point of forgetting about her own appearance, not to mention hobbies, interests, hobbies, and tastes. At the same time, the whole family is “subordinate” to the man; if a woman has children, they are in second place, and she also requires them to take care of the man.

The woman herself is absolutely convinced that “without her, her beloved will be lost.” She needs to constantly “save” the man, protect, protect, “stand guard over his interests.” Such women are convinced that only they “understand” their chosen one.

This form of addiction is scary not only for women. It cripples the psyche of children and completely destroys the already weak personality of a man. A self-sufficient, accomplished, successful husband does not need saving; accordingly, insecure individuals become partners of such women. Over the years, from such a “clogged life” a real tyrant, a domestic despot, grows. This happens because the man is trying to psychologically resist the “savior.”

Energy connection with a man

Bindings and ligaments are invisible threads through which, like water through channels, there is an outflow or inflow of energy. When a woman begins to consciously or subconsciously consider a man “hers,” she feeds him with her strength, transmits energy, a flow of emotions that he uses to close his mental “holes” or achieve goals. Such attachments and bonds can form even in the absence of true love on both sides; they form a woman’s dependence on her partner. It is no coincidence that many men note that even when energetically depleted to zero, emotionally exhausted, psychologically tired, they come to a woman attached to them, and leave her with a fully “recharged battery.” Many of them begin to consciously or unconsciously use this, turning their partner into their “battery”. Then they can leave the lady, because the thread of the connection has already been formed and they can receive energy from a distance, by starting to look for a new partner, while the ex is still feeding.

If a woman is disappointed in her partner and decides to leave him, then through such connections the ex can continue to maintain control over her, energetically not letting her go. This can be expressed in obsessive thoughts: “Did I do the right thing by leaving him, how will I be alone, how will he be without me?” etc. In both cases, it is worth becoming aware of these tense threads on a subtle level and trying to understand how to break the energetic connection with your ex-man without harming yourself.

When a relationship has lasted more than one year, a strong connection is felt by both partners, even if they have made a mature and agreed upon decision to continue to live separately. In this situation, it makes sense for both to carry out the procedure of clearing the consequences of a long-term energy merger and blocking the channels of exchange of flows. Without it, it is extremely difficult for former spouses to free themselves and create new, and most importantly, happy and fulfilling relationships.

Do dependence on a partner have characteristic common features?

Before you try to get rid of your addiction to a man, you need to make sure that it really exists. Of course, each case is individual and has its own characterizing nuances. However, psychologists identify a number of common signs, the presence of which in a relationship should cause caution.

Common signs of dependence on a partner include the following:

self-deception, denial of reality, cultivation of one’s delusions;
compulsions - rituals observed regularly and thoroughly, this can be any “household tradition”; in the presence of pathology, an error in the order of “conducting the ritual” or neglect of it becomes a real tragedy;
feelings of guilt or self-hatred;
belittling one's own importance, falling self-esteem;
aggression that is difficult to control, anger, rage;
control, constant provision of assistance without requests for it;
pressure and decision-making “for two”;
anticipating needs, thoughts, actions, words or desires;
pity, anxiety;
ignoring one's own needs;
fixation on the interests of the partner;
problems in the intimate sphere, for example, the inability to relax and “disconnect” from thoughts during intercourse;
justifying any actions of the partner;
isolation;
the habit of “putting in order” the thoughts and feelings of another person.

Of course, not all of these signs are inherent in a specific addiction. For example, a “savior” will make decisions for a man during the day, and at night in bed she will think about whether he is comfortable. The “victim” will become depressed, withdraw into himself, and suffer from feelings of guilt.

How to break an energetic connection with a man?

The practices of blocking the leakage of energy to an ex-man and blocking the possibility of mental control on his part are based on meditative states, cleansing and visualization. These methods are environmentally friendly, they will gently break the addiction without causing harm to the woman. If necessary, they sometimes have to be repeated several times until the desired result is achieved. But if you don’t make efforts, don’t select methods for breaking off energy ties with men, then the leakage of power will gradually affect your health, depression, problems with sleep, appearance and ability to work.

Preparation

To begin with, it makes sense to go through the house and remove all objects associated with your ex. His things definitely need to be returned to him. If he refuses to pick them up, citing various circumstances, then you can pack them and send them to one of his relatives or friends. Forgotten little things - throw them away. At the same time, it is worth throwing away various rubbish, unnecessary and broken, broken, cracked.

Chaos and an abundance of unnecessary things in the home create opportunities for energy connections that are invisible to the eye.

General cleaning with rinsing the floors towards the exit with cold water, changing several times, also helps to cleanse the house of unnecessary threads and channels of energy leakage towards the former.

Jewelry given to an ex can serve as a powerful bond. There is no need to return them or sell them. It is enough to take them to a pawnshop for 1 day and buy them back again - and they will be freed from energy influence. “Gold and silver, having passed through the hands of a pawnbroker, become pure from the will of others” is an ancient way to free oneself from bindings.

Letters, notes, photographs can be burned.

Afterwards, it is important to walk around the house with a church candle, looking into all corners, pass it over your entire body, stopping at each chakra, and take a shower, dousing your head.

Meditation on the gap

Having selected meditative music, they practice breaking the connection.

If there are noticeable unpleasant conditions in a certain area of the body or the candle is actively smoking at the level of some chakra, then it is better to take a mantra designed to cleanse this particular center.

You can light an aroma lamp or candles.

There are several techniques on how to break the energetic connection with an ex-man. All of them are based on mental cleansing and balancing the internal state.

Lie on the floor in savasana or sit in lotus position and close your eyes.

Breathe coherently, without pauses. The inhalation is more energetic, through the mouth, and the exhalation is slow, calm, as if a leaf is falling from a tree, slowly circling and falling to the ground. After 21 inhalations and exhalations, imagine that in front of you is a room filled with everything connected with your ex: things, memories, events. Start throwing these images out of your mind (for example, imagine throwing them out a window). When the room is empty, you should walk around it, once again checking that there is nothing in the room. If some image suddenly appears, it needs to be thrown away or erased with an eraser.

Mentally leave the room. Forcefully close the door behind you. Look out the window or through the peephole of the front door. You will see the road your ex is leaving on. Focus on the fact that his image is moving away from you, becoming smaller, and its outlines are blurring. When it completely disappears, take a deep breath and exhale and open your eyes. By repeating this meditation several times, the woman will feel how she managed to break the emotional connection with the departed man.

Cleansing with salt

You need to prepare a bath with a saturated solution of sea salt. Such water is a powerful energy substance that can nullify any bindings and metallic influences.

You can also light candles and add a couple of drops of aroma oil.

Lying in the bath, having taken 21 coherent breaths, you need to mentally walk through your body from bottom to top, stopping at every part and organ. You can feel the ligaments like fishhooks digging into the skin, and the channels of energy leakage like threads going to your ex. Mentally, you need to tear the hooks out of the body, focusing on healing the remaining wounds.

Using the power of imagination, it is important to cut the threads and set them on fire, watching how the light runs along them into the distance, like along a fuse cord.

If you are overwhelmed with anger and resentment, then lower your face into the water and shout through it several times: “Go away!”

The water must be drained, and the body must be rinsed several times with running water (contrast shower).

Letter of grievances

Self-help, proven over years of practice in the form of writing letters without sending, suggests how a woman can break the energetic connection with her ex-partner at the level of awareness.

Writing practices work best in the morning, immediately after waking up or before bed. At these moments, mind control is reduced, the subconscious works.

A letter is written to the ex by hand, describing all the grievances and frankly expressing the claims. You can swear and use any expressions, including obscene ones. Freely write all the words that come to mind, without trying to connect them with meaning or place punctuation marks.

If a woman left a man on her own and feels guilty, then in such a letter she can thank him for all the good things that happened between them, explain the reason for her leaving and say a warm goodbye.

Then the letter is crumpled and lowered into the water (in a basin, pan). Set on fire. The water and ash are poured into the sewer. This allows you to get rid of being stuck in feelings for your ex.

How can you tell if addiction is developing in a relationship?

The main signs can be noticed at the very beginning of the development of this pathology. In the early stages, coping with it is quite simple, and it is not at all necessary to separate from your partner.

What are these “alarm bells”? Psychologists recommend thinking about the nature of a relationship with a man if it contains the following:

a sharp loss of interest in what is happening around, a change in one’s own habits and tastes;
panic fear of separation, the thought of such a possibility terrifies;
aggression towards people who criticize a partner or consider the relationship not particularly successful;
idealization of a man, forgiveness and justification of any of his actions;
severe mood swings;
the desire not to be separated for a second.

Of course, these signs are also characteristic of intense love. Accordingly, having discovered their presence in your relationship, you do not need to get upset and resort to any drastic measures. And of course, we must not forget that before you get rid of your addiction to a man, you need to make sure that it exists. Otherwise, you can lose true love and become lonely and unhappy.

Loss of interest in life

Such a manifestation should be alarming and make a strong impression. However, being in a dependent relationship, the person dissolves so much in the partner that he stops noticing what is really happening. Loss of interest in life does not occur suddenly, but gradually. At first, people stop paying attention to their personal needs, forgetting about their own individuality. Then comes the stage of apathy, which is characterized by a reluctance to make any attempts at all to correct an unsatisfactory situation. If you constantly sacrifice yourself, personal time, strength or desires for the sake of your loved one, then things are really bad. It is urgent to begin to act: to eliminate the existing internal conflict. Only then will it be possible to try to restore peace of mind.

How to make sure that you are dependent on your partner?

How to understand what prevails in a relationship - love or dependence? In the virtual space you can find many different tests, and in glossy magazines you can find articles devoted to this issue.

But should you blindly trust them? The nature of every relationship is unique. What becomes a pathology in one couple, in another indicates love and respect. It is impossible to measure specific feelings with generalized concepts. Attachment to a person, participation in his life, passion for his interests, manifestations of care and respect - this is not a pathology.

How can you test your relationship without harming it? Psychologists recommend spending some time apart. We are not talking about a weekend, but about a much longer period of time. Moreover, you should refrain from constant phone calls or communications via the network. From a distance, things become apparent that cannot be seen up close.

If a woman is sad and strives to send photos of the surrounding landscapes, tell a man about the interesting place she is in - this indicates love. But if your hand automatically reaches for your smartphone to find out what shirt a man is wearing, whether he ironed it, what he took with him for lunch, what time he returned from work, these are symptoms of addiction.

Giving up your opinion

The very first symptom that must be paid close attention to. Manic love shocks the individual so much that he stops noticing what is happening in the outside world. Concentration is only on relationships with your significant other. Giving up your opinion is a warning sign that cannot be ignored. After all, this can subsequently lead to even greater suffering and unwillingness to act for one’s own sake. When we are constantly chasing our own illusory ideas, meanwhile real life simply passes by, incredibly devalued. Sometimes young people who are just starting to build relationships do not understand this until they themselves have to go through such a cruel test.

If you notice that it is easier for you to always give in to your partner than to defend important points for yourself, it is quite possible that manic love is taking place. That this is not entirely normal, many begin to understand, alas, too late, only after a certain time has passed.

How to cope?

How to get rid of addiction to a man? Is it possible to solve this problem on your own? Do you need the help of a psychotherapist? These and many other questions interest every woman who believes that she is dependent on her partner.

Psychologists advise approaching this problem step by step and rationally. This is very difficult; not every woman can “turn off” her emotions. For this reason, you may need help from other people. When talking with someone, it is much easier to abstract yourself from your experiences and look at the problem from the outside.

First you need to understand your socio-psychological role. They are rarely pure; as a rule, all three types of behavior are present, but one dominates, the second complements, and the third appears rarely, in exceptional situations. You can understand which role is the main one by analyzing an ordinary weekday; you should not think about reactions that arise in extreme situations.

After this stage, you need to begin analyzing characteristic sensations. For example, if a woman is a “victim,” what does she experience? Horror at the thought of separation? Fear of not ironing your shirt well enough? Is she afraid of the prospect of being abandoned or physically beaten? Is she unable to make decisions? Doesn't she want to be responsible herself? Does she consider herself unworthy of this particular man? Does it seem to her that her inner world is boring, but his is beautiful?

The list of questions is endless. Each woman has her own feelings and there are a lot of them. In order not to get confused in them, an initial definition of the social role is required. Based on the general enumeration of characteristics, we can identify the main, basic pathological emotions, for example, fear of loneliness.

After this, you need to understand when and how these sensations appeared. As a rule, they are not caused by a man. He acted as an “alarm clock”, which raised already existing complexes, fears and inclinations from the depths of the subconscious. In other words, you should fight precisely with these psychological problems, and not with your partner.

Of course, further actions depend on what emotions the woman experiences. One needs to get rid of fears, another needs to get rid of the addiction to manic control, and the third needs to get rid of feelings of self-doubt.

This is a complete plan on how to get rid of emotional dependence on a man and not find yourself in it again. After all, as a rule, women make the same mistakes in their relationships with different men. Having experienced the pangs of parting with one person and having managed to meet a new love, ladies often fall into addiction again. The reason for this cyclicality is that they fought not with the causes of the phenomenon, but with its symptoms.

How to get rid of attachment to a man. How to remove the attachment to a woman or man: the course of the ritual

Place a lighted candle and a plate of salt at the feet of the person from whom love or other attachments will be removed. Stand on the side of his back and place your hand with your palm facing his head. Wait until sensations reminiscent of a light breeze or tingling sensation appear.
Give your subconscious the order to look for energy connections and begin to slowly move your hand from the back of your head along the spine. If you feel the presence of any ropes, threads, cords or hoses, record in your mind where you found them.
Slowly and carefully pull out each of them and throw the candle placed at the feet into the fire. It is necessary to maintain constant control over the process of pulling out energy bindings and throwing them into the fire. Otherwise, they will recover. The procedure for breaking ties must be carried out slowly, constantly monitoring the process. Afterwards, you should check again with your hand whether the bindings remain or not.
After the ritual, you should cleanse your hands over a candle flame and salt, imagining how the salt and flame eat away the energetic dirt from the skin of your hands.
Leave the candles to burn out, then collect the cinders and salt, get rid of them by flushing the toilet or bury them in a place where no one goes.

How to understand that a woman is dependent on her partner and needs help?

The psychology of relationships between a man and a woman is full of ambiguities, the absence of common patterns and unified approaches to emerging problems. For example, how to distinguish a woman in love, who is at the very beginning of a relationship, from an addict? How do you understand where the line ends between the desire to get to know your partner and the loss of your own self?

Of course, women themselves almost never notice how their feelings for a man develop into dependence on him. However, the people around her, friends, and relatives may well see an emerging problem and help the woman understand and overcome it at the earliest stages.

Although each situation is unique, all women prone to addiction show a number of the same signs at the beginning of its formation. Psychologists list the following among them:

inadequate reaction to criticism of a man, no matter what it concerns;
quick and absolute falling in love, after a couple of weeks of dating the woman is ready to run down the aisle;
the predominance in conversations of stories about how perfect and ideal a man is, delight in his every action or word;
complete loss of objectivity, the girl seems to be “under the first impression”;
increased attention to a man’s appearance, to his neatness - blowing off specks of dust, adjusting his collar, tie, cuffs, hair;
the manner of staying slightly behind a partner, even if people are holding hands.

In other words, although the motives for typical manifestations of addiction are different, all women demonstrate these signs. Therefore, looking from the outside, it is not so difficult to understand that a lady is prone to pathology.

Feeling completely absorbed

It is necessarily present in those who fall into this form of addictive behavior. Like any addiction, obsession with another person cannot be beneficial. The lover loses his appetite, sleep, his usual aspirations and even ambitions disappear. For example, a man’s manic love for a woman forces a representative of the stronger sex to humiliate himself in every possible way in order to win the favor of his other half. There is a feeling of being so intensely absorbed by the object of one’s affection.

Some ladies are frankly annoyed by this, and they rush to turn away from the potential gentleman as soon as possible. Women who are attracted to a new partner often do not notice that he does not treat them with enough respect and does not take into account their immediate needs. In general, it becomes quite difficult for an individual to create an objective picture of the world.

What can cause addiction to form?

Advice from psychologists on how to free yourself from love addiction to a man, as a rule, begins with an explanation of the need to identify the causes of the pathology that has arisen. It can, of course, only be determined individually.

The most common, main reasons for the tendency to depend on a partner, psychologists include the following:

difficult childhood - difficulties in the family, authoritarian mother, father's alcoholism or something similar;
parental divorce;
inability to define the boundaries of personal space - this is caused by growing up in cramped conditions, in a common room;
categoricalness and severity, a penchant for patterns - this is the legacy of a specific upbringing;
presence of psychological trauma.

Mental trauma can occur in childhood, adolescence or adulthood. As a rule, it is associated with severe disappointment, betrayal or death.

What is the point of keeping a diary?

This question arises for most Russian women. Women in the West are accustomed to keeping a diary; it is an integral part of their childhood and youth. In Russia there is no such mass tradition.

Meanwhile, keeping a diary is extremely useful. Describing events, thoughts, and sensations that have occurred, a person experiences them again, but this time meaningfully. That is, a woman, taking notes, is aware of her feelings and reactions. In addition, the diary allows you to compare emotions in relationships at different time periods.

Another practice for getting rid of attachments is annealing

Ritual of annealing of bindings:

imagine a person who gave you negative emotions;
mentally forgive him for all the insults caused to you;
imagine that invisible threads from each chakra are stretching from you to that person;
take a lighter or match and gradually light each of these threads;
imagine as if a barrier of blazing flame had arisen between you and this person. This needs to be presented as realistically and believably as possible.

It is likely that after performing the magical ritual described above, a man will appear in your life. On an internal level, he will begin to feel that he has stopped being fed with energy. Naturally, he will want to restore the connection and therefore will remind him of himself, for example, by writing a message or calling him on the phone. If this happens, then do not panic, but calmly, kindly communicate with him, and then repeat this procedure again.

How to define boundaries? What do we mean by this?

Many people are familiar with the concept of an office in the house. The presence of such a room is known from films, books, and someone has encountered a similar room in life. What is its essence? The fact that a person is left alone there is his space.

You need to create something like an office for yourself. Select a corner or room in the apartment that no one will enter. There is no need to combine your space with the kitchen or bathroom. It should strengthen self-esteem, and not be something “incidental”.

The interior in this space should be filled with objects related to the woman’s hobbies and interests. These could be books, porcelain dolls, photographic equipment, drawing supplies - anything. And as soon as a feeling of panic, misunderstanding, fear or other negativity arises, you need to start tidying up your space.

This is a very old and effective way to combat addiction to a man, practiced in East Asia.

As for personal boundaries, this is the definition of your zone of responsibility and comfort, into which a man should not be allowed. For example, you can decide for yourself what breakfast or lunch will be like. You can arrange a mini-garden on your balcony on your own and not consult a man when determining plant varieties. However, you need to understand that making independent decisions is not synonymous with selfishness.

A detailed description of the ritual for cleansing past connections

How does the ritual of cleansing from past connections take place:

turn on some pleasant music, sit in a comfortable chair, close your eyes and relax. Imagine that you are putting a loved one on a ship and sending a loved one on a long voyage. You will feel the pain of separation, parting. It is at the moment of truly accepting this pain and passing it through oneself that liberation occurs;
try to actually let the person go forever. Carefully ensure that the ship leaves the shore, then wish it with all your heart a calm voyage without incident. Imagine that on the ship your ex-man experiences a lot of positivity and joy, and the image of happiness, luck and health never leaves him. Yes, of course, it is morally difficult to imagine that a person dear to you is happy without your presence. But you have to let him go. Only then will you feel like a full-fledged, self-sufficient person, not emotionally and physically dependent on another person. Harmony with yourself, a feeling of your own fullness, integrity, inspiration, freedom, incredible pride in yourself, for what you were able to do and you succeeded! You are the most beautiful, unique, simply amazing woman, you feel it, right? Oh yes, this is the very magical state that you will feel after correctly performing this technique;
remember: you cannot sharply chop or tear the ropes; they should be untied with the utmost care. Under no circumstances should you imagine that the ship has not sailed away, but lives nearby in your bay. The process of letting go should be as honest as possible, only then will there be a result. You must see off the ship with the knowledge that it will never return, and you will not see it again, with sincere wishes for a happy and carefree life;
watch the ship float away, then turn into a tiny dot and disappear over the horizon. Live your pain of separation without hiding, you can roar, tear and throw everything around, feel all the emotions to the end, feel the rush of adrenaline in your blood! After this you will feel a fresh breath of new life;
Having completed the exercise, get up from the chair, lie down on the bed, take the most comfortable position and lie down for 10-20 minutes, and it’s best to completely fall asleep and get a good night’s sleep.

How to find time for yourself?

This is not about visiting a cosmetologist or going to the gym. Time for yourself – a few tens of minutes a day, spent completely alone.

At these moments, you can try to meditate, do breathing exercises, paint a watercolor landscape, think about the book you read. In other words, this time should be devoted to self-development and peace and harmony.

It's important to find a gap in your daily routine that you can stick to consistently.