How to get rid of hatred towards a person? It's easy to stop hating!

Who is a misanthrope

“I hate people” is difficult to admit frankly. It’s much more pleasant to close your eyes to the problem and move on as if nothing strange is happening. But hatred of humanity will constantly grow and one day will become so strong that it will not be possible to cope with it without a specialist.

Everyone has heard the word “misanthrope,” but not everyone knows the definition. This is the name given to people for whom society seems hostile. They shun love and friendship, try to make less contact with others and constantly feel hatred for all living things. They see flaws in everyone they know. Rest assured, even if the misanthrope has the same views as his new interlocutor, he will find something to complain about.

It is difficult for such a person to talk about his emotions. At the same time, he is firmly convinced that everyone around him experiences similar negativity towards each other. Psychologists attribute a similar attitude to the world to Adolf Hitler, Jonathan Swift, Friedrich Nietzsche, Arthur Schopenhauer and other famous people.

The term became popular after the release of Moliere's comedy of the same name. Translated from ancient Greek, “misanthropy” means hatred of people.

How to cope with this feeling towards a specific person?

How can you stop hating a person whose very appearance makes you want to do him harm? It is especially difficult to cope with yourself in situations where you have to deal with an object of hostility and disgust every day.

Typically, in such circumstances, the following are of paramount importance:

• the ability to cope with your feelings, not show them and reduce the intensity of emotions;
• interaction with the object of hatred;
• conflict resolution.

The ability to cope with your feelings is not at all getting rid of them. This should be understood and the fight against hatred should not stop at acquiring the skill of hiding and suppressing it. A destructive emotion, artificially driven into the farthest corner of consciousness, will not disappear anywhere. It will constantly “undermine” a person, just like water stones, and will influence all his decisions and actions, even if he himself does not realize it.

For example, a woman who hates her ex-husband or boyfriend will intuitively avoid places where she might encounter him, or, conversely, only visit them. At the same time, her choice of stores, entertainment venues or events is influenced only by hatred, and not by rational arguments. That is, destructive emotion limits possibilities.

Accordingly, hatred must be completely eliminated. But you definitely need to start this difficult process by gaining control over your feelings.

Causes of anger

Where does hatred for the world come from? The reasons are as follows:

1. Diffidence. A person with low self-esteem is hurt by the words and actions of others. He is dependent on other people's opinions, but does not know how to accept criticism, so he tries to reduce communication with others to a minimum.
2. Envy. The reason lies in the constant comparison of oneself with relatives, friends, acquaintances, and random passers-by. To an envious person, those around him seem prettier, more successful and happier than he himself.
3. Responsiveness. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And this is not just a turn of phrase. It happens that a person wishes everyone well and good luck, but in response he unexpectedly receives a knife in the back. After the betrayal, he begins to get angry, accuses the world of injustice and radically changes his approach to life.
4. Mistrust and suspicion. If you have been convinced since childhood that your friends are secretly mocking you and waiting for you to miss, then as you get older you begin to be prejudiced even towards new acquaintances.
5. Externally imposed stereotypes. Destructive beliefs do not always appear in the family. Any social conflict is accompanied by propaganda, which results in rejection and anger. It is not an individual person who experiences negative emotions, but a whole group of people.
6. Unexpected reaction to stress. Overcoming hatred of a rapist or terrorist is not easy. At a moment of crisis, feelings get out of control, and people behave differently than in ordinary life. History knows a tragic incident during the shipwreck of the Admiral Nakhimov. The man, who experienced animal fear from what was happening, killed the woman and child in order to take away some floating object and escape.
7. Educational mistakes. Stereotypes and scenarios are imposed in the family . You don't have to look far for an example. Parents broadcast that rich people are vile, it is impossible to earn a fortune honestly. This attitude from childhood sets you up for failure with money in adulthood. You will count pennies, constantly live without money, think with horror about retirement and not know what to do with your hatred of millionaires.

To understand how to overcome hatred of a person, you need to honestly admit to yourself its reasons. Try to remember that unfortunate moment when you began to feel angry. Realize what desires you cannot realize. Think about what to do to correct the situation and remove the accumulated negativity.

He who hates another experiences similar emotions towards himself. The misanthrope follows the successes of his acquaintances, comes to disappointing conclusions about his own worthlessness and begins to quietly get angry at everyone around him.

Resistance is futile

Let's say someone has a reason to hate you, but it's easy to disprove. For example, someone hates you because you're from Rhode Island, but you're actually from Canada. You might say, "But I'm from Canada." And in response you will receive: “So much the worse.”

Nobody ever changes their mind. It's difficult to change your mind. Quitting smoking is very difficult, for many it is almost impossible. Hatred is even more addictive, just imagine how difficult it is to change your mind in this case. Facts don't mean anything. Self-defense only makes things worse (see the 24-hour rule).

Even the history of friendship means nothing. You can say: We've been friends for 20 years. Are you really going to let this come between us?” The answer is yes. Because people can't help themselves. Because there is some kind of fear in them. Because there is some kind of fear in you. And they will never get back together.

Negative effects of anger on the body

We have discussed what hatred of a person is and what reasons it may have. But it is also important to understand that negative thoughts towards others destroy a person from within, undermine his mental state and have a bad effect on his health.

Depression, constant loss of strength, suicidal thoughts - all this aggravates the situation. It has been scientifically proven that people who have had their hearts broken are more likely to suffer from heart disease than those who have been able to forgive their offender. Many people prefer to “eat up” stress - this is how excess weight suddenly appears. Others, on the contrary, forget about food and have difficulty stuffing every bite into themselves. The immune system weakens – the body becomes vulnerable to viruses and infections. Efficiency decreases, interest in life disappears, energy flows away. The thoughts of a person who hates everyone become chaotic, confused and heavy. Creativity goes away. Problems begin in all areas, and with every day of inaction they only grow.

When we are born again we receive God's love

When a person makes a choice and decides to become a true disciple of Jesus Christ and enter into a new covenant with Him, he receives not only the power to overcome the hatred of his heart, but also the love of God in his heart to show it to those whom he previously hated.

But hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit given to us. (Romans 5:5)

From now on we can love those we previously hated. We hated them with our hatred, but we will love them with the Love of God.

But you will say...

Types of aggression

The feeling of hatred is expressed differently for everyone. The following types of aggression are known:

1. Physical and verbal aggression. This type is used when trying to solve problems with fists, threats and insults.
2. Direct and indirect aggression. In the first case, the negative is sent directly to the recipient. In the second, the object is influenced indirectly - through jokes or dirty gossip.
3. Internal and external aggression. Anger can be directed both at oneself (internal) and at others (external).

Help from a psychologist

What to do if you hate yourself throughout your life? If basic self-help turns out to be powerless, and negativity still gnaws at a person, you need to think about the help of a professional.

The main advantage of a psychologist is his ability to get to the very core of the problem. The specialist will try to find out when emotions first awoke, what caused it, and how to deal with it. Perhaps the hatred arose because of the bad words of the mother in childhood or because of resentment from classmates. Sometimes it is extremely difficult to find the reason, but the result is beyond praise.

Psychology treats self-hatred through conversation and self-persuasion.
Is the opinion of classmates or old grievances against your mother so important? Can these emotions be allowed to destroy modern human life? The specialist will force you to return to the traumatic experience again and again until the negativity is defeated. In what cases should you contact a professional? Here we are talking about the most advanced cases, when it is difficult to fight hatred on your own, when it awakens thoughts of suicide. In such situations, the help of a specialist is simply necessary! Sometimes a psychologist manages to wrest anger from a person’s heart and return him to normal life.

“I hate myself and I can’t do anything about it” - many people turn to psychologists with a similar statement. Sometimes it is very difficult to cope with the negativity that comes from within. However, as soon as a person loves himself, all anger will literally disappear from him. He will be able to discover new facets of his own life and begin to smile every day he lives. If self-hypnosis and various trainings turn out to be useless, you can always resort to the support of a psychologist.

Margarita, Krasnogvardeyskoye village

Love and hate

How to cope with hatred of a person with whom you had a close relationship? What to do when time passes, but the unpleasant emotion does not lose its power? There is only one step between the strongest feelings - anger and adoration have a lot in common. The stronger the connection with a person, the deeper the feelings experienced. Passion develops into rage, and a person loses his head from anger and surging emotions. In a moment of hatred, you can lose control of yourself.

A terrible illustration of this example is the story of St. Petersburg State University associate professor Oleg Sokolov, who in the fall of 2020, by his own admission, killed and dismembered his 24-year-old lover Anastasia Yeshchenko.

What does a person who hates people look like?

A healthy person looks happy, which cannot be said about a person with this feeling. The appearance of an angry and aggressive person is not very loving and joyful. Most often, such people like to criticize everyone and everything, which affects their negative attitude towards others, so they always look dissatisfied and devoid of joy. In the extreme manifestation of hatred, a person does not know how to smile at all, he suspects everyone of malicious intent against him, he is constantly worried and disappointed. In fact, the appearance of such people is pitiful and wretched. They deprive themselves of the joy of communicating with people, a sense of peace and community, since they rarely have faithful and good friends.

Where to start working on yourself

How to deal with hatred? If I don’t want to seek help from a psychologist, will I be able to cope on my own? Such questions arise for everyone who has experienced anger, resentment and disappointment, but decided to work on their mistakes.

The path to yourself begins with honesty. You are reading this article, which means you are looking for answers. First, accept the anger and hatred. It is natural that you do not like everyone - with someone your views on life are diametrically opposed. It is the “carrier” himself who suffers from negative emotions first of all. After you understand the reasons, proceed to action:

1. Write down all negative attitudes, replace them with positive ones and read new affirmations every day.
2. When you find yourself getting angry, mentally count to 20 and focus on your breathing. This simple technique really works and helps you urgently “reanimate” yourself when you want to lash out at others.
3. If you hate and the strength of your emotions is off the charts, you need to try to get rid of the pain. You can express your feelings on paper, and then burn the letter, meet with a friend or talk to a psychologist.
4. Try to get to know the person who annoys you better. Understand the reasons why he acted unfairly, ask important questions and listen carefully to the interlocutor. Try to improve relationships and set clear boundaries so that the situation does not repeat itself in the future. Discard all experiences in order to understand the structure of the psyche of the object of hatred, his attitudes and beliefs.
5. Stop focusing on your own emotions and invariably expect a catch. It’s better to think about what you are willing to give to others, what knowledge you are able to share. Hatred goes away when a person stops focusing on himself and his own needs.

Psychologists advise to distract yourself and switch to other things, but it’s easy to doubt the effectiveness of this method. Negative experiences will come back with renewed vigor after a while, and it will be even more difficult to overcome them later if you do not competently work with erroneous beliefs from the beginning.

Remember that the world around you is just a mirror in which you yourself are reflected. Strong thoughts attract events, people, and circumstances into life. The deeper the hatred, the more confirmation of disturbing thoughts you will find in the future. Therefore, it is time to break out of this vicious circle. If you stop living by your own needs and satisfying your hunger, then gradually life will begin to improve, and the question of how to get rid of hatred will no longer bother you.

Causes of hatred

Hate in response to hate

We usually don't like people who don't like us. The more we think they hate us, the more we hate them back.

Competition

When we compete for something, our mistakes can benefit our competitors. In such cases, in order to maintain our self-esteem, we shift the blame to others. We begin to blame our failures (real and imaginary) on those who are doing better. Gradually our disappointment can turn into hatred.

Us and them

The ability to distinguish friend from foe has always been vital to safety and survival. Our thought processes have evolved to be faster at spotting potential danger and responding accordingly. Therefore, we constantly enter information about others into our own “directory”, where all our views about different people and even entire classes of people are stored.

We usually classify everything into one of two categories: right or wrong, good or bad. And since most of us don't stand out in any way, even minor, superficial differences, such as race or religious belief, can become an important source of identification. After all, we, first of all, always strive to belong to a group.

When we consider ourselves part of a particular group that we perceive to be superior to others, we are less inclined to sympathize with members of other groups.

From compassion to hatred

We consider ourselves responsive, empathetic and welcoming. Then why do we still experience hatred?

The fact is that we have a clearly formed opinion about ourselves and our rightness. And if we cannot reach a compromise, we, of course, blame the other side. Our inability to fully appreciate the situation, as well as the fact that we always make excuses for ourselves, lead us to believe that the problem is not with us, but with those around us. This view often incites hatred.

In addition, in such situations we usually consider ourselves the victim. And those who violate our rights or limit our freedom seem to us to be offenders who deserve punishment.

The influence of prejudice

Prejudice can influence our judgments and decisions in many ways. Here are some examples.

Ignoring the other side's strengths

There are no clear-cut situations. Everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages. But when we are in the grip of hatred, our perception is distorted to such an extent that we do not see any positive qualities in our opponent. This is how we develop an incorrect idea about a person, which is then quite difficult to change.

Hate by association

According to this principle, the nature of the news influences our perception of the person reporting it. The worse the incident, the worse everything connected with it seems to us. This is why we blame the messenger, even if he has nothing to do with the event.

Misrepresentation of facts

Under the influence of prejudices based on likes and dislikes, we usually fill in gaps in information about an event or person, relying not on specific data, but on our own assumptions.

The desire to please

We all value the opinions of others to varying degrees. Few people want to be hated. Social approval greatly influences our behavior. Remember the words of the French writer and philosopher La Rochefoucauld: “We willingly admit to small shortcomings, wanting to say that we do not have more important ones.”