Choosing a man for a relationship: I got lost in two pine trees

What would I choose if it were not for fear?

Unfortunately, too many decisions in our lives are made for us by our own fears and stereotypes. Of course, successful businessmen take a balanced approach to all the risks they take on in their choices, but they also take a conscious approach to their fears in doing so. If you feel obstacles, write down (literally!) all your fears and doubts and carefully work through them with someone who will help you be objective. Sometimes the choice that causes us the most fear is the best one.

Content

• Difference in Approach
• Similarities and differences
• What you should pay attention to
• Take note

Hello, dear readers! How do you know that the right person is nearby? Should you listen only to your heart or should you turn to your mind? How to make the right choice in a relationship? Let's talk about whether differences between people hinder their love or, on the contrary, help, what you should look for in a partner and how not to ruin a good relationship.

What would I choose if it were not for money?

What do you think: many brilliant ideas were never implemented due to lack of money? Or is there no money because these ideas were not implemented? Will you deny yourself development and moving forward if you feel like you don’t have enough money for it? No matter how fantastic it may sound, if you made the right choice, there will always be money. Remember crowdfunding (from English сrowd funding, сrowd - “crowd”, funding - “financing”). You can also turn to relatives, friends, acquaintances for help, or simply let those around you know that you are looking for an investor. And don’t let money, or rather the lack thereof, stop you.

Dictionary of relations

Like everything in this world, we are constantly changing, and this usually happens at the moment when we are faced with some difficult, new situation for us that requires us to make some kind of decision, for example in a relationship: whether to start a relationship with this partner? should I get married? Should I connect my life with my lover/mistress or stay with my husband/wife? Etc.

The difficulty in these situations lies mainly in the choice that must be made. At the same time, we choose not just a person, but a whole other life, where we ourselves, our relationships with others and our future will change. And even though we are not always aware of this scale of change, anxiety arises within us, which does not allow us to make an easy choice and we “get stuck” in the space of options.

This is understandable: UNTIL THE CHOICE IS MADE, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. And on the one hand, such a state gives a false sense of having all possible options, on the other hand, how does this affect our lives?

But life does not freeze waiting for our choice, it moves, changes, and while we stand with one foot in the past and step on the future with the other, it is not difficult to imagine what we are “doing” for the present . Therefore, it is not surprising that with such a “backlog” in the present, in the future, a, literally speaking, neglected situation occurs.

But an adult is distinguished by the ability to make serious decisions and bear responsibility for their consequences. And the higher the awareness, the more opportunities and vision of solutions the individual has...

You can make your life easier and seek support from a psychologist, or try to help yourself on your own. To do this, you should stop expecting that everything will be resolved by itself, and in the best way for you - such a probability is negligible, and therefore the risk is unjustified. Therefore, I offer you one of the options for solving such a problem. And answer yourself the following questions:

Make a decision only when you can look at the situation soberly.

Of course, you shouldn’t put off a decision for years, but it can also be thoughtless and unhelpful to make a decision instantly, under the influence of emotions. After all, when you are “intoxicated” with emotions, an effect very similar to intoxication occurs when you are overcome by the passions of a relationship. And, of course, where there was “intoxication,” there will be a “hangover.” And the more wood was broken in the “drunken unconsciousness”, the more painful the “hangover syndrome”.

Analyze what led you to the current situation of choice and what made it problematic for you?

At the same time, there will be no point if you consider only circumstances, the behavior of others, etc. as the cause, but real benefit will come if you see how your reactions to others, a desire not expressed in time, a reluctance to make efforts, contributed to such a situation. to change something (which is a shift of responsibility). And what were the prerequisites for this situation to arise. This step is needed rather so that this event is conscious and, having taken certain lessons, we could move through life more calmly. Without guilt, but with the awareness that there is always the opportunity to influence something.

Listen to yourself, what do you want from life and what are you striving for?

If you try to deceive yourself with your choice to please someone, then after a while you will end up again in a similar situation, since our suppressed essence will still find an opportunity to break out and demand its own. If it seems to you that you can only make someone else happy at the cost of your own unhappiness, look further, otherwise you will both end up unhappy.

It won't be the same as before.

In such situations of choice, you often want to run away into the past or, in other words, return everything as it was. Unfortunately or fortunately, this is not possible. Since you find yourself in a situation that led you to the need to make a decision, it means that you have somehow changed. And whether you like it or not, life around you has also changed, although you may not see it yet. Therefore, you need to be aware, when making a choice, what it will be like for you to try to return to “everything as it was.”

Evaluate all possible outcomes of your decisions in the long term.

Most often, we do not make decisions because we are afraid of the very first acute reactions of our loved ones, but life does not end tomorrow, and passions cannot last forever, therefore, it is much more important how it will affect your life in the future and how it will change you. a decision made today.

Compare the received outcome options with your desires and plans for life and choose the one that is most acceptable to you.

If you still haven’t felt relief, there’s most likely a hitch in whether your choice matches your desires and you should work on it some more. Also, if all options seem like losers, try to take an even longer term view than you did before; your situation may need more time to unfold.

Now you are truly the master of your life and your relationships!

Be happy!

Sincerely, Zhanna Shiyan

How will I look at myself in the mirror tomorrow?

Finally, about the future. How will you feel the next day after you make this or that decision? If you feel proud, energized and inspired, you are on the right track. If you notice shame or regret in yourself, do not ignore these feelings. If you are experiencing them now, prepare for the worst.

For the full picture, think about what you will experience as a result of your choice in a week/month/year. You can also take 5 or 10 years for big decisions that have a significant impact on your entire life.

How to learn to make choices quickly and never doubt

Katerina Vlasova, business coach, psychological portrait practitioner

Some people find it very difficult to make choices. It’s difficult for them even in a restaurant - they read the menu for half an hour and with each new line it becomes more and more difficult. The skill of quick and accurate decision-making (a decision is the result of a volitional choice among some alternatives) is a powerful weapon in the hands of those who know how to use it.

Let's start by deciding - what exactly are you focusing on when you make decisions? The answer options here may include the opinions of others, advice from loved ones (and not so much), how you will look from the outside, and, finally, your own genuine desires.

Every time you realize that in solving this or that issue you thought - mom won’t like it, what people will say, you need to ask your husband - he knows better - return your thought to a fundamentally different direction: what do I think about this? Is this what I want?

Often the choice that we make, as it seems to us, consciously, is actually made with an eye on the opinions of others and actually contradicts our own desires. There are good ways to check whether your decision is discordant with you. First, focus on bodily sensations . Have you thought about this decision and felt worse? Do you want to pull your head back into your shoulders, go to bed, and eat some chocolate over your disturbing thought? Don't ignore these signals, they are very basic and very clear - your body won't lie to you. When your body doesn’t like your thought, it itches, freezes, burns, trembles and generally fails you in every possible way. The right decision brings lightness to your body and a smile to your face.

Sophia Loren

Secondly, focus on yourself and your life principles . It often happens that an offer seems tempting, it promises you absolutely obvious benefits, but you understand that you will have to change your ideas about life, about what is good and what is bad. Is it worth it? Almost always life sooner or later gives a clear answer - no.

Third, make choices in favor of opportunities . Be a strategist - a small profit, but right now, or a real, tangible benefit, but later? Between simple short-term benefits and real big opportunities, always choose opportunities.

Learn to make decisions quickly. Maybe this will be a discovery for some, but in reality - if you are not sure, then this is already the answer, and this answer is no . It’s just that certain attitudes and, most likely, other people’s ideas make you doubt.

A situation of doubt (“doubt” is a situation in which there is more than one opinion) implies the presence of alternative points of view on the problem. To maintain objectivity and soberly assess scenarios, it is important to have criteria by which you compare all available options. What are these criteria for you? Try to use these, answering the question - what will this give me?

• Good or evil?
• Usefulness/harmfulness?
• Pleasure/discomfort?
• Simplicity/complexity?
• Success/danger?
• Justice or injustice?

Julia Roberts

This is real intellectual work - to look for justification for each of your opinions. You become a lawyer for each of them and, at the same time, a judge who sees whose line of defense is weaker.

When we make a choice in favor of something, we always give up something, agreeing to a new job with a good salary, we give up peace and comfort zone, making a choice in favor of moving to another country - we give up our usual everyday life, and by refusing such a move, we are saying “no” to new opportunities. But you can practice making a choice every day: tea or coffee, a movie or a TV series, a dress or jeans, medium or rare, in the end?

Conclusions: How to make the right choice?

Save this image to your desktop. Post it on your Facebook / Twitter / Instagram / LinkedIn / VKontakte. Finally, print it out and hang it above your desk. And every time you feel doubt when making a choice, answer each of these 7 questions. Believe me - it works.

Tags: leadership, personal effectiveness, habits, psychology, work

Choice price

The severity of the choice is also determined by the price we must pay for its implementation. Price is what we are willing to sacrifice in order for our choice to be realized. Choosing without a willingness to pay the price is a sign of impulsiveness and a willingness to accept the role of victim. The victim makes decisions, but when faced with the need to pay bills, he begins to complain. And look for someone on whom you can shift the responsibility. “I feel bad, it’s hard for me, it hurts me” - no, these are not the words of the victim, this is simply a statement of fact. “If only I knew it would be so difficult...” Sacrifice can begin with these words when you begin to realize that when you made a decision, you didn’t think about its cost. One of the most important questions in life is “is it worth it?” The price of altruism is self-oblivion. The price of selfishness is loneliness. The price of striving to always be good to everyone is often illness and anger at oneself.

Once we understand the cost of choice, we can change it. Or leave everything as it is, but without complaining about the consequences and taking full responsibility on yourself.

Responsibility is the willingness to accept the status of being the cause of something that happened to you or someone else. Recognizing that you are the cause of the events that happen. Something that exists now is the result of your free choice.

Questions to ask yourself before choosing

So, when faced with a serious life choice, you need to think about the following:

• Is my choice in favor of the past or in favor of the future?
• What is the price of my choice (what am I willing to sacrifice for its implementation)?
• Is my choice dictated by maximalism or minimalism?
• Am I ready to take full responsibility for the consequences of my choice?
• Once I make a choice, do I close out all other alternatives?
• Am I making the whole choice, or only half of it?
• And finally, the question of meaning: “Why am I choosing this?

Make a choice with your heart, but don't forget about your mind. And remember: first of all, do what you think is right, and not what others think is right.

Positive qualities5

Character traits that completely suit a woman should be the basis of future relationships. When deciding how to choose between men, you need to keep comparison in mind. All men are different, which means their positive qualities will influence a woman differently and satisfy her equally.

The qualities that are important for relationships are:

• Sense of humor. It's hard to live life with a person who can't cheer you up or tell you a funny joke. On the other hand, life with a constant clown and prankster can begin to irritate. In everything we need moderation, and especially in the extent of what is permitted. It is impossible for a man’s jokes to smoothly flow into humiliation or insults.

• Attitude towards the girl. How much a man loves his partner should be a fundamental factor when choosing a partner. Only with a sincerely loving person can you live a happy and long life filled with bright emotions.
• Time devoted. If a man is not committed to spending as much time with his woman as possible, his motives should be questioned. A partner who cannot break out and bring his beloved medicine or food is unlikely to become a reliable spouse and life partner.
• Long-term relationship goal. A partner’s desire to marry and have offspring indicates the seriousness of his intentions. Only a loving man will want to connect his life with his woman.
• Common interests. It's hard to love a person with whom you don't even have anything to discuss. If the interests of the partners are diametrically opposed, these people are unlikely to form a strong family satisfied with their life together.