The relationship between father and son is not always simple: psychologists have proposed 7 strategies that make this connection very strong

Father and son: how to build a relationship? 14 October 2020, 00:00 | Katya Kozhevnikova

6 chosen

Every man knows that the role of the father is very important in raising his son. But not everyone understands how to build a relationship with a small man. Fathers are often embarrassed to be affectionate with their sons, because tenderness, in their opinion, is the territory of mothers and daughters. And in raising their son, according to popular belief, they should be responsible for strictness and discipline. But as a result of such tactics, a distant, distrustful and even hostile relationship can develop between father and son. What did you want? If the father in the boy’s life is solely responsible for punishment, the child will treat his father accordingly.

Acquaintance

Naturally, from the first days of a child’s life, the mother plays the main role in it. But for dads, this new world with swaddling, feeding and bathing seems incomprehensible and even scary. Therefore, many fathers leave all the care to mothers.

But psychologists say that the earlier the child’s first contact with his father occurs, the more the father participates in caring for the baby, the stronger the child’s emotional connection with his son will be. So don't shy away from this part of life. The wife will tell you what to do.

Example

Whatever relationship the son develops with his father, he will subconsciously copy his behavior. So the best way to raise a real man is to become an ideal example for a child yourself. Do you want him to be kind, strong, generous and brave? There is nothing you can do - you will have to first of all cultivate and demonstrate these qualities. Do you want him to be a real gentleman in relationships with women? Never quarrel with your wife in front of him. And keep in mind - children are extremely observant, you can’t fool them.

A game

The easiest way to develop some social skills in a child is through play. In addition, it is special “male” games that will help the father get closer to his son and occupy an important place in his life. This could be comic fights, building houses out of pillows, sports games, or even madness, which the wife stops with the words: “Well, stop being mad!”

Sports and intellectual games will teach your son to strive to win, and also teach him to lose. And although beating a child is not a difficult task, sometimes you have to give in to him a little. This way, you will show by your own example how to lose with dignity, and, moreover, you will help the child believe in his own strength.

Agreement

Education should not consist solely of demands and instructions. Sometimes you need to negotiate with your son. When you ask for something, promise something in return. Children appreciate when people communicate with them as equals. An agreement with your child will make him feel responsible for his part of the agreement. But always keep your promises. Otherwise, all these agreements will lose their value, and the son will also easily throw words to the wind in the future.

Strictness

Unfortunately, it is very difficult to do without strictness in a relationship with a child. Usually the role of a strict parent in raising a son goes to the father. This makes sense - the boy should perceive his dad as the head of the family and unshakable authority. But severity should not be the main element of education, but only part of it. We must not forget to praise the child, play with him and take care of him. Otherwise, the son will be afraid of his father and perceive him only as the source of everything bad that happens in his little life.

By the way, about praise. A father's kind words are even more important to a boy than his mother's praise. After all, the mother loves the child unconditionally, at the level of instincts. And dad can more soberly assess his successes and achievements.

We recently talked about how a father can build a relationship with his daughter. And although daughters are creatures from a slightly different world for men, it seems to me that dads find it even easier with them than with sons.

What do you think?

By the way…

It is fathers who teach their sons “male science.” How to stand up for yourself, how to take care of the weaker, how to finally shave.

Katya Kozhevnikova , iledebeaute.ru

When to start raising your son

The father must take part in the child's life from the very birth. If a man thinks that "let him grow up a little,

then I’ll start raising him,” then he is deeply mistaken. What does growing up mean? When will he be how old: three, five, fifteen? You can wait a long time for this time, and what’s even worse, it will be irretrievably lost. If you do not start working with a boy from birth, then his sphere of interest will be only within the framework of female influence.

It has been scientifically proven that fathers are just as sensitive to their baby's signals as mothers. Children do not have greater attachment to one person. From birth they are equally attached to both parents. It all depends on you; if you, a father, have protected yourself from raising a child in infancy, then the child will naturally be drawn to his mother.

A father should not be afraid to hold his baby son in his arms. The more he does this, the faster the boy will satisfy his tactile need, which means the faster he will begin to develop independently and not hold on to his mother’s skirt.

Activation methods

Staves, so that the couple has no chance of reunification, are activated by a reservation or natural disaster. The standard method is to pour water over the formula or burn it with fire. To establish the Coldness of a bed or relationship, use the elements of earth. The best option is to use a handful of soil from the cemetery.

A reservation, like a photo, helps direct the work of runic magic. First, the operator turns to the runes, calling on their power. After this, the clause outlines the task - the main goal of the runic formula. At the end, the reservation consists of gratitude to the runes: the operator respectfully completes the ritual, hoping for a quick positive result.

Father and son communication

Communication with his father plays a special role in the development of a boy. Through communication, the child adopts masculine behavior and learns a masculine view of the world. Modern fathers are very busy with their careers, making money, and they hardly have enough time to talk with their wives. But communication is very important both in relation to your spouse and in relation to your child. Especially the communication between father and son. “You can’t earn all the money,” but the time spent with your son may be lost forever. And then you shouldn’t be surprised when they call him “mama’s boy.”

It is very important that the father consults with his son, even on trivial issues. Thus, he shows that his opinion matters, that his opinion is important to his father, because he is also a man. Of course, it is hardly appropriate to discuss issues of moving and changing jobs with a small child, although it is possible with a teenager. Thus, the teenager will feel the importance of making serious decisions, the importance of his opinion in the family, as well as responsibility for the decisions made.

When repairing anything around the house or in the garage, take your child with you. Ask him or tell him, for example, which wrench is better to take and why. Or, for example, that a Phillips screwdriver is used to tighten self-tapping screws, and a flat screwdriver is used to tighten screws.

How to communicate with your primary school-age son? It’s very simple - through the game. Let dad teach his son to play the games he played before. Through the game you can show how to properly handle objects. For example, what is a hammer and how to use it, where is the engine of the car, etc. You can teach a child a lot through play.

Every family must have certain rules. In addition, it is very important to give the child responsibilities (for example, taking out the trash). Yes, the child may rebel against this, but teaching him what is and is not possible will teach him discipline and order.

Only by seeing a real example of a real man in front of him will a boy become a real man. All this is formed under the direct guidance of the father.

It is the presence of a father, or a person replacing him (uncle, grandfather, older brother), that forms in a boy a sense of security and integrity. The absence of a father in the family causes boys to feel deprived, melancholy and inferior.

For boys of any age, praise and appreciation of their actions and achievements from their father is very important. Since the father will always be the standard of behavior for the boy. It is very important to praise your child even for small achievements. This encourages the child to set and achieve new goals.

Big project

The son will be very pleased to feel like a participant in a big project that his dad launched. This could be work in a car repair shop, in a garden plot, in an apartment (repair). By making a boy your assistant, you can be sure that he will grow up to be a responsible, hardworking and purposeful person. The guy will never allow himself to let his father down and not live up to his expectations, since his dad is his main authority.

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Relationships with the opposite sex

The relationship between father and mother is the standard of interpersonal relationships in a couple for a child. Naturally, the boy copies his father’s behavior in relation to a woman, in this case his mother.

Of course, the mother’s behavior is also an example. An example of the personal qualities that a boy will look for in a potential partner in the future.

If the relationship between parents is cold and distant, the child feels all this. The child also feels if the parents kept the family together only for his sake. All this will directly affect his relationship with his wife.

If a child between the ages of 3 and 5 declares that he will marry his mother, this is a good sign. These are the first manifestations of his sexual identification - the Oedipus complex. During this period, the boy is especially attached to his mother, but his father will cause negative emotions in him. He will be perceived as a rival.

In relation to the father, the child can behave aggressively: scream, swear, push him, etc. All this is a good indicator of the boy’s correct psychosexual development. During this period, it is very important for the father not to be surprised by what is happening. This is all temporary and will soon return to normal. This usually goes away by 5-6 years. Then the father again becomes a role model and copy.

It is important that during this period the father does not give in to his son’s antics, and also does not respond with aggression to his behavior. It is very important for the father to remain calm during this period and tolerate his son’s behavior. If the father, during this period, behaves inappropriately, telling his wife “this is your son, so raise him yourself,” then the son’s transition to his father’s side may be delayed.

If the father was not with his son during the period from 3 to 5 years, this may not have a favorable effect on the boy’s gender identity and on building relationships with the opposite sex in the future.

The work of runes to cool relationships

The runic symbol is aimed at energetic impact. It is not capable of destroying the physical body, but creates powerful mental and psychic blocks. As a result, a person is healthy on the outside and sick on the inside. Each runic formula, especially in love magic, affects feelings, experiences, and emotions.

How runes cool relationships:

• first they cool down the ardor - the former passion goes away forever;
• without sexual release, lovers pay attention to any everyday problems;
• over time, disputes flare up, and lovers do not come to a common decision;
• partners are not ready to compromise;
• a person feels lonely in a couple, he does not want to share his experiences;
• lovers destroy each other.

A powerful start to a falling out lasts until the moment the lovers decide to separate. Immediately after the breakup, they feel relief and a surge of strength. If the partners get back together, the negative experience will be repeated. A falling out affects the quality of memories: partners do not remember good moments together.

Who should punish the boy

Usually, father's punishments are harsher than mother's. Fathers are less flexible, more stern and conservative. Therefore, a boy perceives punishment from his father completely differently than from his mother. After all, the father is an authority, and the mother is a woman.

Through his father's punishment, the boy better learns his mistakes, and also learns patterns of male behavior. He better understands that if dad was so angry, “that means my behavior was hardly worthy of a real man” and in the future, he will not do such stupid things.

Under no circumstances should a father humiliate a boy's personality when raising him. This includes ridicule of the son. This has a negative effect. This behavior on the part of the father lowers the boy's self-esteem. He begins to feel unsure of his strengths, his capabilities, his masculinity, etc. It’s very easy to laugh at an inept 12-year-old, but it’s very difficult to tell your growing son about simple and basic things that he doesn’t yet know. It is even more difficult to repeat them several times. Put yourself in the child’s shoes: how would you cope with this situation at his age?

For example: if your son doesn’t know how to do pull-ups and therefore doesn’t do well in physical education at school, you don’t need to say how useless he is and that you did pull-ups 50 times at his age. Better hang a horizontal bar at home and train your son. The son will be very happy to spend time with his father, and even learn how to pull himself up.

Avoid insults such as “you’re stupid”, “you’re stupid”, “are you dumb”. It’s better to explain to the boy what exactly his mistake is. I repeat, this may be elementary for you, but not for him. It is very easy to lower a boy’s self-esteem, but teaching him to find a way out of a difficult situation, to be responsible and independent is difficult. This takes years.

In addition, in no case should a father put “labels” on his son: “Lucy”, “Masha”, “Fedya”, etc. From time to time the boy will feel his worthlessness and unconsciously begin to associate himself with a weakling, with a “girl”, with “Lucy”. The boy will continue to do stupid things, with the subconscious attitude “...what else can you expect, I’m Lucy.”

From whom she gave birth to a son, why she broke up with Domogarov and Obolonkov. Secrets of Natalia Gromushkina

Natalia Gromushkina

Natalya Gromushkina chose her lovers among her colleagues: at first, those around her gossiped about her relationship with Kavena member Valery Zakutsky, then they followed her whirlwind romance with Alexander Domogarov. Friends had no doubt that the actor was the main man in Gromushkina’s life, especially after the couple’s marriage. However, the family did not look like a model: regular quarrels and mutual claims led the spouses to divorce. Or were there other reasons for the discord?

If the first spouse was 12 years older than Natalia, then the next chosen one was six years younger. Ilya Obolonkov won the actress with persistent courtship, but could not keep her close for long: in 2018, the woman announced her separation from her lover. A version immediately arose that Gromushkina left her “young husband” for Domogarov. How did things really turn out?

On September 29, the actress turns 45. Few would argue that she remains one of the most mysterious Russian celebrities. What was the last straw for the marriage of Natalya and Alexander Domogarov, from whom did she give birth to a son and why did she break up with Obolonkov?

THE FIRST TRAGEDIES

Gromushkina performed her first film role when she was 13 years old.

Natalya grew up in an intelligent family: her father is a doctor of historical sciences and a writer, her mother is a translator from Spanish, her grandfather, after brave service in Soviet intelligence, took up painting. The parents did everything to ensure that their daughter developed comprehensively. The girl attended a music school, sang in an ensemble, went to a theater studio and an art reading club. In addition, from the age of six she studied dancing in a group at the USSR State Television and Radio.

At 11, the schoolgirl already shone on stage in the musical “Child of the World,” and two years later she made her screen debut in the film “Before First Blood.” Thus, with the small role of Sveta, her journey into the world of cinema began. The logical step was admission to GITIS, albeit in the directing department. In parallel with her studies, Gromushkina managed to play in KVN.

The time of student was not the most carefree in life for Natalya: in her second year, two misfortunes befell her at once. The actress was expecting a child from her lover, and three months before she found out about it, her older 19-year-old brother Pavel died in an accident. The parents took their grief seriously and blamed each other and those around them for what happened. Moreover, this was already the second heir whom they buried: Gromushkina’s sister died very young.

“I thought that with the news that my parents would soon have a grandson, I could bring them back to life,” the artist recalled. “But my mother’s reaction was the opposite. She cried and shouted: “You are still young, you have everything ahead of you. If you do this, I will kill myself!” I was forced to get rid of the child."

In parallel with her studies, Natalya Gromushkina managed to play in KVN

The actress felt empty, and only the craving for creativity pushed her forward. Thanks to KVN, Gromushkina found a new lover: the captain of the Hussar Squadron team, Valery Zakutsky. They got used to each other for a long time, so they moved in together only a year later. Friends were waiting for the couple's wedding, but marriage never came to fruition. “We were both young and ambitious. Now it seems to me that they have delayed a little the moment when the marriage proposal should have taken place,” Natalya reasoned in the “Human Fate” program.

Natalya Gromushkina had an abortion

Slowly but surely, her career gained momentum: work as an actress at the Mossovet Theater, a small role in Pavel Lungin’s Life Line. On the set, Frenchman Vincent Perez hit on the artist, but the romance, according to Natalya, was “quiet” and ended simultaneously with the end of work on the film. Nevertheless, rumors about an affair with a famous foreigner to some extent contributed to the fact that Alexander Domogarov decided to take a closer look at Gromushkina...

PASSION AND RESULTS

The affair with Domogarov was stormy

In the theater, Domogarov got the main roles, with one of which, in “The Running Wanderer,” Gromushkina helped with solving plastic scenes, because she had been dancing for many years. They spent time together in the company of colleagues, chatted cheerfully, staged improvisations, but nothing more. The romance seemed impossible, since Alexander was married, and Natalya was not free. However, in acting circles they knew that the artist had already moved out from his wife, and the marriage existed only nominally.

After the next tour, Gromushkina and Domogarov traveled by train to Moscow. Unexpectedly, during a normal conversation, the actor proposed to his colleague, right in the vestibule. Natalya decided it was a joke and ironically asked where Alexander had taken his wife. In response, the artist declared his readiness to show her his passport, but the document disappeared somewhere. After a long search, the topic of marriage came to naught, the affair did not happen. However, the friends began to affectionately call each other Gromik and Domik.

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Six months later, the relationship reached a new level: Domogarov often came to visit Gromushkina, fortunately, the actress’s apartment was a stone’s throw from the theater. Gradually, the artist became for Alexander not only a mistress, but also a director, taking upon herself administrative issues related to his career. They were in no hurry to get married, but in 2001 they still formalized the union at the registry office.

“We broke up many times,” Gromushkina said about family life. - From time to time I slammed the door and left forever, then I returned myself, or Sasha did it. 12 years age difference is a lot. At first it seemed to me that I was behaving incorrectly because I was small.”

Alexander Domogarov did not agree to divorce for a long time

The relationship was like a pendulum: complete understanding and romance on the set of Domogarov in Poland in “Fire and Sword”, stormy quarrels behind the scenes after the play “The Merchant of Venice” in Moscow. But what events led to the final breakup of the couple?

Firstly, Gromushkina dreamed of a child, and when she checked her health up and down, it turned out that everything was fine with her. Domogarov also wanted an heir, but he considered the request to go to the clinic and take the necessary tests offensive. It was a vicious circle: the actor told his wife to get treatment, but he himself ignored the topic of examinations. Secondly, after another scandal between the spouses, the Mossovet Theater unexpectedly refused to renew Natalya’s contract, then the director of the Theater on Malaya Bronnaya called her and directly stated that if she had to choose, she would bet on Alexander.

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“So, loss of work in two theaters at once. Administering the work of a super-in-demand artist was no longer necessary. There is nowhere to go. The ultimatum - either you are with me, and you have everything, or you are broke on your own - really hit home. I love him, but who does he imagine himself to be - the arbiter of destinies? - Gromushkina was indignant.

In addition, Natalya assured that signs from above pushed her to break up: twice she got into an accident with Domogarov, a premonition suggested that the third accident would be fatal.

Working in a musical saved Gromushkina from depression

The next year became a complete nightmare for the actress: no work, no husband, no housing - having quarreled with her parents, she found herself in a communal apartment. For some time, the artist lived on a budget of 10 rubles per day, brewed instant noodles in a glass and wondered: how did she turn from the granddaughter of a general into a lonely poor woman abandoned by everyone? Salvation was found when Gromushkina decided to take fate into her own hands and auditioned for the musical “Chicago.”

Then Domogarov appeared on the horizon again with pleas for the return of his wife. If not for his work in the musical, the actor would have been able to “put the pressure on” his chosen one and reunite with her. But this time, although her feelings for Alexander were still alive, Gromushkina did not deviate from her previous decision. She filed for divorce, but her husband stalled, she had to turn to lawyers, and the marriage was dissolved in court. Adding fuel to the fire were media reports that the star of “With Fire and Sword” went on a drinking binge due to breaking up with his beloved, and was even on the verge of suicide.

Alexander Domogarov blames himself for his own loneliness

A few months after the official breakup with her colleague, Natalya became a mother. In the “father” column for her son Gordey, there was the name of the ex-husband, but Gromushkina explained that this was only a formality: according to the law, since little time had passed between the divorce and the birth of the child, the ex-husband was automatically entered into the birth certificate. The actress gave the boy her last name, but the patronymic Alexandrovich, despite the lack of blood relationship with Domogarov, remained with him.

NEW LOVE WITH A SAD ENDING

To get a role in Destined to Be a Star, the actress had to hide her pregnancy

In 2005, Gromushkina’s life resembled a struggle for a place in the sun: she hid her pregnancy to get a role in Destined to Be a Star, and when the truth surfaced, she promised not to let the producers down and eventually returned to the set two weeks after giving birth. Over time, everything became easier, the directors themselves found the actress and offered her work - in the TV series “Who’s the Boss?”, “Heartbreakers”, “City of Temptations”, the films “I’m Happy!” and “Marry a general.” The artist also tried herself in producing and participated in the television projects “Stardust” and “Dancing with the Stars.”

Seven years passed after the divorce before those around them started talking about Gromushkina’s new love. She met Ilya Obolonkov thanks to her role in an enterprise performance, in which she replaced Miroslava Karpovich. At first, Natalya did not pay attention to Ilya’s advances, since she was overwhelmed with work and did not think about relationships.

Natalya Gromushkina became a mother for the second time

I had to starve the actress out: Obolonkov accompanied Gromushkina after concerts and performances, came to her business meetings, and waited patiently while work issues were resolved. The actress fell in love with her boyfriend, but when he proposed while on vacation in Thailand, she turned the tables on her son: they say, everything depends on Gordey’s opinion. However, Ilya managed to quickly win the boy’s favor, and he actually blessed his mother for a new marriage.

Gromushkina gave birth to a daughter from Obolonkov

For the next six years, Gromushkina’s name was inextricably linked with Obolonkov. The couple had a daughter, Iliana, and friends believed that Natalya had finally found the long-awaited female happiness. “We didn’t get to the wedding, although Ilya insisted that we sign,” the artist clarified. “But they became a family in every sense, including creative ones.”

Natalya Gromushkina broke up with her husband

Natalia made the decision to break up with Ilya: she felt that she had exhausted herself in the relationship. While on tour of the play in Novosibirsk, the actress called her chosen one and asked him to move out in the next four days without quarrels and scandals. All night Obolonkov wrote messages to his beloved, promising to fix everything, but Gromushkina firmly stood her ground, so he had to come to terms with the sad outcome.

Natalya Gromushkina with children

The break with Ilya became the reason for rumors about Natalya’s return to Domogarov: the actress’s friends had long joked that she was “threatened” by aging together with her first husband. The version has evolved: it was rumored that the artist even left her young husband for Alexander. Obolonkov believed the gossip and called Gromushkina to find out if it was true, because there is no smoke without fire. A woman could expect this from anyone, but not from the man with whom she lived for six years and gave birth to a daughter. However, the star recently noted that she managed to maintain warm relations with both ex-chosen ones, despite long-standing grievances and suspicions.

Is Domogarov to blame? Natalya Gromushkina remembered the breakup with Ilya Obolonkov

“Ilya and I communicate well. All my exes remain close people to me, despite past quarrels and scandals,” Gromushkina briefly commented on the situation. - You know, you should always leave behind something bright and kind. And only with such feelings can you move on, and I want this.”

Based on materials from “7 Days”.

Photo: Legion-Media, PhotoXPress.ru, personal archive, Facebook.com, still from the film “Before First Blood”, still from the series “Doomed to Be a Star”

If the father appeared in the boy’s life later

If the father was absent during the most important periods of the boy’s personality development, then the prototype of male behavior for the child will be the characters in the film, male acquaintances, friends, brother or grandfather, etc. From them he will take an example of masculine behavior, style of communication and interpersonal interaction. So take a closer look at who is around your son. It is from these people that he will copy the correct, in his opinion, male behavior.

If a child does not remember his father, he will build his image in his thoughts from the stories of his family and friends.

If the father is “coming”, then the boy tends to communicate with them in his thoughts. Think about how the father would respond in this situation, what he would do. Of course, this is not always effective communication, but in any case, it takes place.

For example: perhaps the father would not advise his son to hit back at a classmate for something, but would suggest talking and verbally humiliating the culprit. But the boy, in his thoughts, thought differently and “pushed” his classmate, and then they called his mother to school.

Building masculinity

A man needs to be raised like a man, no matter what his mother says). If he falls, there is no need to immediately jump to his aid, stroke him, blow on his knee and kiss him. Everyone falls, everyone gets bruised, there is no need to make a dramatic performance out of this.

It is the father who must explain to his son that:

• Men do not complain, do not cry, that men are brave, strong and persistent.
• Real men are not afraid to sleep in the dark.
• A real man will not take risks unnecessarily, he cannot be called out “weakly”, he always thinks before doing something.
• Emotionality and pugnacity are not characteristic of real men.
• A calculating mind, the predominance of reason over emotions, the ability to justify one’s decision, the ability to accept responsibility for one’s actions - this is what is characteristic of a real man.

Of course, in words it sounds much more ideal than in reality. In fact, it is sometimes difficult to maintain a relationship with the baby’s father. But if there is still a father, then he must understand at least the basic rules of behavior with his son, in order to then know where his legs grow from and why the son behaves this way and not otherwise.

Discussion of important topics

To establish a close connection with his son, the father needs to talk with him often and for a long time on the topics that concern him most. One of the most important and interesting things at the stage of growing up is sex life. It is very important that the father tells his son everything about relationships with girls first, otherwise the boy himself will find information on the Internet. Then the conversation on this topic will cease to be relevant, men will become much further away from each other. The father will lose a lot, because this is precisely the aspect that unites the male sex. And who, if not the pope, should be a mentor and teacher in such a sensitive issue.

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