What is love?
Love is a long-lasting and strong feeling of affection, implying sympathy for a person, the desire to be close and experience joint emotions, and also to make him happy.
Anyone who has encountered this feeling knows that love implies the strongest affection. A person in love simply cannot imagine life without someone for whom he has romantic feelings. It is interesting that even today psychologists and other scientists cannot unambiguously explain the nature of love and the mechanisms of its occurrence.
Analyzing the nature of love, psychology considers three key manifestations of this feeling:
- Internal drug
. Our well-being and mood are determined by a complex set of chemicals that can influence nerve cells. States of love and falling in love cause powerful releases of substances that make a person happy. The nervous system seems to give us a hint: “Here it is!” You feel good when he's around. Remember this! - Nervous disease
. Despite the surge of energy, it is difficult for a person in love to concentrate, his memory deteriorates, and his actions often become illogical. The brain functions in an unnatural way, preventing a person from fully controlling his own actions. - Habit
. The riot of hormones and neurotransmitters subsides over time. But by this moment people remember with whom they feel good, so they continue to love each other, but with a calmer and more balanced love. At the same time, they begin to act rationally again, and mutual feelings no longer prevent them from working and doing other important things.
What is love?
There is no specific definition that characterizes falling in love, just as it is impossible to say exactly how long falling in love lasts. Despite this fact, every person faces falling in love. If we look at it from psychology, then it is interpreted as a positive feeling towards an object we like. With the help of this feeling, a person begins to know himself stronger and better. He sees completely new opportunities and prospects for him. The feeling covers a person like a wave. Girls lose their heads under this feeling, they become stupefied, and despite this, everyone wants to experience falling in love again.
As you get older, it will become more and more difficult to experience the state of falling in love. You will try more and more to improve yourself. While under the influence of love, we concentrate on our partner. We forget about ourselves and begin to worry more about the object of our sympathy. We put our interests behind the interests of our other half. Showing love is very hard work.
Falling in love changes people's consciousness, and many are not ready for this. They break because they do not want to give part of themselves to another person. Most often, when we fall in love, we ourselves create an image for a person, making him ideal, without noticing his shortcomings.
The worst thing is when we don’t see mutual feelings for ourselves. When a person experiences non-reciprocity, he may become depressed. Usually, such blues overtake people who have low self-esteem. The duration of falling in love cannot be predicted; it depends solely on the formation of a person, on his path of life, temperament, and character.
How do lovers behave?
The manifestation of love will be expressed differently in a guy and a girl, a man and a woman. Gender plays a big role in relationships, and this is confirmed by the rules of interpersonal psychology.
Men
Young guys and grown men behave the same way. They strive to please their chosen one, begin to take care of their appearance, and are actively interested in the problems, affairs and hobbies of the woman they like. A man in love begins to show signs of attention. This is not only flowers and gifts, but also the desire to spend as much time as possible in the company of the chosen one. He enjoys communicating and talking with her on various topics.
Not all men are ready to immediately confess and expect reciprocity, but some non-verbal signs indicate their interest. This includes constant eye contact, sexual attraction, and other expressions of affection.
Women
Women in love begin to take an active interest in their chosen one; he becomes the topic of most of their conversations with others. When a girl truly loves, she does not notice the man’s shortcomings and strives to idealize him. All women try to interest their chosen one as much as possible and attract his attention, for example, they begin to take care of him, change their appearance, and often use other methods. True love, even unrequited love, can make a woman happy. This is manifested in changes in her mood, appearance and gaze.
What to do with falling in love
I will give you some tips on how to find out, determine that you have fallen in love, and build the right tactics of behavior.
- Don't get lost in the whirlpool of events. Don’t give up your favorite hobby and traditions, continue to improve and attend courses. Don't get depressed if something doesn't work out the first time. After all, love should bring joy.
- Always smile sincerely in front of a guy. This will not only set you up for positivity, but will also show him that you are a bright, cheerful person.
- Don't invent a non-existent image for yourself. Don't say you like what he likes. Behave as naturally as possible. After all, if the relationship works out, it will be difficult to live someone else’s life. In addition, such behavior looks feigned and false, which will immediately alienate the chosen one.
- On your first dates, you shouldn’t overwhelm your partner with conversations about serious intentions, marriage and children. To begin with, friendship, tenderness, and trust must arise.
- Keep the tone of communication in the middle. Don't be too whiny and affectionate, but don't communicate with indifference and coldness. Let what is in your soul remain a mystery to him.
- Do not deny him the desire to watch his favorite film, even if such a topic is not to his liking.
- Give compliments more often, praise, call by name. Men love with their ears just as much as girls.
- Don't be afraid of this bright feeling. Even if nothing works out, it will be an invaluable experience and vivid experiences.
Why and for what do they love?
Sometimes they love in spite of everything, common sense, the slander of relatives, they just love and that’s it, quietly and tenderly, often saying to themselves, “well, how mine he is, this dear and beloved person.” And at the same time your heart skips a beat with happiness!
I remember how one of my friends said that “I even like his hoarse voice when he plays and sings with a guitar”... it’s definitely about love!
One of the men, oh, click, here it is, mine! But this does not always happen, because love is a calm, good feeling and it does not come immediately. With love, the amplitude of vibrations is practically absent, there is simply “everything on top” and EVERYTHING!
How long does love last?
Due to the fact that the brain is unable to constantly maintain the activity of the areas responsible for maintaining the feeling of falling in love, this condition can last from one and a half to three years. Therefore, the expression “love lives for three years” is not true; it would be more correct to say: love lives for three years, and then love begins (not for everyone).
However, it was found that such a strong feeling can last much longer in the case of unrequited love. The lover seems to be stuck in this feeling and cannot move on. This phenomenon was called “Russian love”, when a woman has been unrequitedly in love for a long time and is therefore lonely and cannot build a new relationship. According to statistics, six percent of Moscow women do not get married precisely because of this phenomenon. By the way, “Russian love” is exclusively for women.
How long does falling in love last and when does love begin?
We have already figured out that love and infatuation are different feelings, but now let’s talk in more detail about the time frame of these feelings.
There are quite a lot of opinions regarding how long love lasts. Some experts claim that this feeling can be observed from one week to three years, while others tend to argue that love “lives” up to 12-17 months. Who to believe is up to you, besides, all this is very individual and depends on many factors:
- From the sincerity of feelings. If your partner’s feelings are real, and yours, by the way, too, then falling in love will last much longer than when one or both of them started the relationship “out of interest.”
- Future plans. When both partners are committed to a serious relationship, the result will be appropriate. In the case where at least one of the partners does not need a serious long-term relationship, even great sympathy will not help.
- Effort of partners. When both partners try to bring romance into the relationship, try to surprise and delight each other, then the feeling of falling in love may not go away even when love has already appeared.
- Love definitely has no expiration date. If the feelings are real, then they will never go away. Again, there are exceptions to everything, but the exceptions in this case are very sad, so it’s definitely not worth discussing this.
- The question of when love begins is rhetorical. For every person, for every couple, love is “born” when the time comes. Someone may experience this feeling a month after the start of a relationship, while others may wait years for this magic. It all depends on what kind of relationship the couple has, what priorities they have and plans for their future together.
- A lot depends on the decisions of the couple; love often begins when the lovers themselves want it. For example, a couple really has strong feelings and wants to start a family, but something prevents them from doing so. This may be a fear of responsibility, a fear of one of the partners to start a life together.
- In this case, the relationship is in a “suspended” state. But when the couple finally makes a decision, takes this difficult, responsible step, then this feeling of love, not infatuation, may appear.
Signs of sympathy
A person can feel sympathy for several people at the same time. It occurs immediately after meeting. This is a feeling of affection for a person, which is characterized by the following signs:
- emotional attraction to a person;
- common values, beliefs, interests;
- a positive reaction to the appearance, character traits, behavior of another person;
- goodwill and increased interest;
- feeling of similarity.
Sympathy often arises in friendship, where there is affection between people and pleasure in communicating with each other, but sometimes develops into falling in love.
Signs of falling in love
Falling in love is a very vivid feeling that has the following signs:
- Falling in love is a feeling that is often called “love at first sight.” This type of romantic emotion is characterized by a strong emotional and physical attraction between one person and another.
- Falling in love is born when you see another person and begin to admire his appearance, behavior, speech, and so on. Falling in love consists mainly of emotions; with its onset usually comes a feeling of euphoria, a rush of adrenaline. This strong emotional outburst is compared to the feeling of “butterflies in the stomach” and is not controlled by the person.
- A person in love extols the object of his passion, ignoring his shortcomings and exaggerating his strengths. He is overcome by passion, he is fascinated by another person and considers him the limit of his dreams. There is also a desire to like, to become better and to do pleasant things. Falling in love does not necessarily imply the existence of a relationship: you can be unrequitedly in love.
- Falling in love is based on passion and infatuation, so it often does not last long. Falling in love appears instantly and can just as quickly disappear if interest in a person disappears, or turn into true love. It takes effort from both partners to maintain the spark. People who move from one relationship to another, seeking to constantly feel in love, may lose sight of true love because it takes time to develop.
- Falling in love is short-lived. There is a saying that love lasts 3 years. In fact, it is not love that lasts this long, but infatuation.
- Falling in love often manifests itself depending on the partner. You constantly think about your lover, want to be with him as often as possible, abandon other things for his sake, and so on.
Duration of feeling
Psychologists say that feelings of euphoria and passion dull over time. Girls should know how long a man's love can actually last in order to be emotionally prepared for future changes in the relationship. When communicating with a loved one, your palms sweat, your heartbeat quickens and excitement arises, which indicates the development of feelings. However, over time, these sensations go away. For men, this happens after 2-4 years of relationship.
READ What to do if a married woman falls in love with someone else
Falling in love lasts longer, but at the same time it has an exhausting effect. In other words, a person begins to experience severe fatigue. He may change in character and even become aggressive. Scientists also calculated how many years it takes for women to fall in love. A girl can be in love with a guy for 3 years and not experience much mental stress.
This time is enough to form strong relationships, which will subsequently move to a new level. Of course, falling in love can be carried throughout your entire life if you constantly develop and warm up your feelings.
Love at first sight - is it possible?
In the crowd of people they made eye contact. For a moment, everything around stopped, and my head flashed: “It’s her!”, “It’s him, the one!” They, not noticing anyone around, go to meet each other, and, having met face to face, their lips merge in a kiss. And a romantic melody about eternal love plays in the background.
A familiar scene from a melodrama or fairy tale. In fact, at first sight only strong sympathy is possible, which, subject to reciprocity, can eventually develop into love. The reason for this is the duration of the formation of that same love. It is similar to growing a tree from a seed; it grows and gets stronger for a long time and only with proper care.
In addition, the sympathy that arose from the second or third meeting can also develop into love.
Do feelings go away over time and what can you do to maintain them?
Passion pushes people to start a family. However, when faced with home life and family problems, love leaves. People stop feeling attracted to each other and decide to separate. This happens if there are a lot of routine matters and quarrels in family relationships that are not discussed further. Without communication, resentment and anger accumulate, which only intensifies scandals over time.
However, there are couples who, after going through many obstacles and difficulties, were able to preserve their love. Often the reason for the disappearance of passion is a change in tastes and preferences. A person changes his worldview, develops and begins to notice that his partner does not share his opinion. Against this backdrop, disagreements emerge. To maintain a relationship, you need to discuss life situations with your partner and try to look at the world through his eyes. Understanding and concessions will help save love.
Even couples who have lived a long life together have encountered difficult situations and quarrels. However, they were able to understand their partners and compromise, which became a decisive step in their relationship. Dating and traveling can help you escape your routine. They will allow you to distract yourself and take a breath, but you need to continue to work, develop relationships, strengthening them.
READ How to stop loving someone you love very much: advice from a psychologist
Statistics say that more than 40% of couples break up after 3 years, as falling in love passes. This shows that many people cannot cope with such difficulties. However, an equally sad picture emerges with relationships lasting more than 7 years. According to statistics, they are destroyed in 60-70% of cases. This happens because couples stop working on their relationship and focus on their partner's shortcomings.
Professional psychologists advise communicating with each other more often. You need to be sincere about your plans and goals. You need to learn to admit your own mistakes and listen to your partner. It is important to understand that he wants to help you become better than you are, and not to reproach you for any action.
Falling in love appears and disappears suddenly. It is necessary to rebuild in time to be ready to move the relationship to the next level. As a rule, falling in love lasts from 7 days to 3 years, after which it develops into love. However, this does not always happen. Some couples are not ready for such a load. Not wanting to understand each other and make concessions, they break up. Relationships will help preserve understanding. You need to learn to hear your partner and compromise.
The main differences between love and infatuation
People often find themselves confusing infatuation with love, mistaking temporary infatuation for true deep feelings, or missing out on true love in search of permanent passion. To avoid such self-deception, study the following basic differences between love and infatuation:
- Duration of feelings. Love doesn't happen overnight, it's an ever-growing process. It is predictable and logical, since it arises between family and friends. Falling in love is random, a person never knows when he might fall in love. This feeling appears suddenly, like a flash, but over time it can disappear just as fleetingly. Falling in love does not necessarily last long as it is based on infatuation or passion. A crush can fade quickly, but love grows stronger over time.
- Perception of disadvantages. Loving people know and accept the shortcomings of their other halves. They are ready to live with a person, accepting him with all his shortcomings. Falling in love blinds people, so they do not notice the shortcomings of the objects of their infatuation and consider them flawless. There is no illusion in love: you love the other person for who he really is.
- Emotions . When falling in love, people experience a strong emotional outburst, and feelings of love are based on actions. Even though the emotions may be more intense, true love is much stronger than falling in love.
- The power of feelings. Falling in love is relatively superficial, love is a very deep feeling. Loving relationships are characterized by trust, respect, and devotion, which may not be fully manifested or absent when falling in love.
- Love is a calmer feeling than falling in love. Falling in love makes you want to spend all your time with a person. Loving means giving personal space to a person and trusting him.
- Willingness to overcome difficulties. The bond between people in love may not be strong enough to withstand difficulties. The bond between loving people is so strong that it allows them to cope with life's problems and, no matter what, always stay together.
- Relationship perspective. Falling in love occurs at the initial stage of a relationship, sooner or later it passes. Love is a long-term feeling that does not go away. True love stands the test of time.
How to distinguish love from feelings of infatuation: comparison, signs, psychology, test
To distinguish a feeling of infatuation from love, and to understand what feeling overwhelms you, you just need to answer the following questions. The feeling of infatuation is very similar to falling in love, but it can even be called the initial stage.
- Naturally, answer honestly what attracts you in your partner. Only a few points can be called a hobby. And only external or physical aspects.
- How often and for what duration is interest shown. Infatuation is so fleeting (yes, falling in love is more permanent in this matter) that a person very quickly switches to another object. Moreover, a person fades away very quickly. He is busy with other things, and only when reminded can he remember his passion.
Love or infatuation
- Again, the topic is how conflicts are resolved. With passion, of course, all roads lead to bed, but attraction is expressed through too emotional perception. Yes, a person begins to react very sharply to any comments. And any quarrel turns into a world-class conflict.
- Do you care about your soulmate? This point plays an important role. Yes, love arises gradually and, naturally, people get to know each other in detail. Hobby is selfish in nature and is aimed only at personal gain.
- And it is necessary to note this aspect - earthly or supermundane feeling. The fact is that when you are infatuated, you are only interested in earthly needs, which are expressed by thoughts, pleasures and banal actions. Love has no barriers, and for lovers, spiritual closeness comes first.
How to define love and recognize falling in love
Of course, it happens that falling in love develops into love, but for this the person himself must become a little different in the relationship.
A person must “ripe” for love, sometimes this takes several years. At the beginning, in a relationship there may be love, a hormonal surge, a desire to love, everything comes spontaneously and each of us remembers this particular period.
But someday the “rose-colored glasses” fall off, and this is where the partner appears in all his glory. If you don’t push him away at this moment for an “unflattering act” or a mistake, then the relationship can develop into love.
But this doesn't always happen. This is where the period of falling in love ends. You stop idealizing your partner, and what appears before you does not suit you at all. It is here, at this stage, that separation occurs.
You can define love by how often partners hold hands, it warms them and makes them feel the value of a partner nearby; they usually say that “there is a feeling of a shoulder, a support.”
In love you need trust, recognition, respect, the desire to be close always and everywhere, you are passionate about your partner, you are interested in his affairs, work, you share his hobbies and support him in all his endeavors.
Sometimes you can confuse being in love with love. But there are nonverbal signs that can help you avoid making mistakes in this matter.
Nonverbal signs of love in men
- Touching the object of love
- Sometimes deliberate indifference
- Boundless trust
- Showing interest in the woman you love
- Wants the object of his love to be in his field of vision
- Offer to help in all matters
- Unexpected attention and gifts
Feel alive
“To be loved is to feel that you have the right to exist,” said philosopher and writer Jean-Paul Sartre. True love is finding the meaning of your existence in the world.
Love brings us back to childhood, when it gives us the feeling that everything in the world revolves around us. By choosing each other, we make each other special. In a relationship, we give the other person special significance. We recognize his importance: we respect his views and passions, we accept his ideals.
Another person brings us his world, and we give him ours. This allows you to experience new feelings and open new horizons. “Love helps you see all the colors of life,” sums up Monica Schneider. “True love makes you feel alive.”
Nonverbal signs of love in a woman
- Excessive care and guardianship
- Increased attention to your appearance
- “Eyes burn” at the sight of the object of love
- Confusion and shyness
- Mysterious behavior
- Increased attention to men's affairs
- All sorts of niceties and gifts
- Expression of sexuality
Love is a great feeling of attachment and attraction to a person, object or phenomenon. But love, as professional psychologists have established, can only be felt towards a person of the opposite sex.
Now you know how to define love and recognize falling in love. It is worth examining yourself and your feelings, perhaps this is just a passion that will quickly pass. Don't waste your time and energy on this. You need to look for true love, then you will feel peace and harmony in your soul! We wish you GOOD LUCK in this!
HOW TO Distinguish Real Love From Fake Love?
Seeing another person as a mystery
Love is a mysterious feeling. We feel it, but we don't understand it. The force that pulls a person towards is inexplicable. We pursue him not because we like the way he looks, because he is rich or powerful, or because he looks like a parent or significant other. If the union can be explained logically - “she replaced his mother” or “they are together because of money”, there can be no talk of true love. In her case, it is always the mystery that guides us.
“Love appeals to our unconscious: to some childhood experience, loss or longing for what we could not have. It affects that part of the personality that is unknown to us,” explains psychoanalyst Patrick Lamboulay. “That’s why it’s a mistake to think that in a relationship two “halves” should merge and give birth to something whole. It is in this idea that lies the reason why many married couples break up. When a person in a relationship feels understated, he may decide: this is not his soul mate. But this, of course, is not true. To truly love means to always remain intrigued by the mystery of another person.”
Afraid of losing
And all the time. And not only another person, but also yourself, dissolving in him. In The Discontents of Culture, Sigmund Freud explains this phenomenon: “We become dependent on another because we constantly need him to support us in our existence.” Hence the fear of loss.
“Love means taking risks,” explains philosopher and psychoanalyst Monica Schneider. “This feeling is so dizzying that sometimes we are even drawn to reject it in order to protect ourselves from the frightening power of another person over us.”
Freud emphasized that Eros and Thanatos are inseparable: I love you - I destroy you. Eros is our desire to connect with each other. Thanatos is the death drive that pushes us to break this connection so that our “I” remains omnipotent.
If we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in wonderful new territory
“It’s hard to give up on yourself,” explains psychoanalyst Jean-Jacques Moskowitz. — Love always brings torment. It affects our very being - what we are in this world. Only a few realize this. When they find themselves alone, they enjoy it because they feel protected. But if we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in a new wonderful territory where feelings are revealed with renewed vigor.”
True love is not a good business deal. A whirlpool of feelings is dangerous for both partners. That's why we often doubt something else. But even if he tries to pull away, this does not always mean that he does not love. Perhaps he is simply afraid of losing himself.
Be ready to take a step into the unknown
In love, nothing is predetermined. No one can guarantee that feelings will be permanent, and that life together will be long and happy. “Love relationships are a special world in which reason does not rule everything,” explains Monica Schneider. “But you shouldn’t set yourself up for the worst.”
Sometimes, due to past experiences of failed relationships, we convince ourselves in advance that we are doomed to suffer. To truly love, you must be able to believe in miracles again, accept the unknown and learn to be patient.”
Feel the desire
Here, at first glance, everything is simple: to love a person means to desire him. Research confirms that physical intimacy helps maintain relationships and does not allow the fire of love to go out. Without an exchange of affection, lovers turn into roommates. You can have sex without love, but when there is love, intimacy gives true pleasure.
If desire wanes, does that mean the relationship is over? Not at all! Our feelings are influenced by many factors, they are cyclical and constantly experience periods of ups and downs. You may not want intimacy right now because you are simply tired, have eaten too much or too little, are stressed, or, conversely, are pleasantly excited about some grandiose changes. “There are days when it’s enough for us to just have our loved one nearby,” explains Monica Schneider.
How to distinguish love from feelings of affection: comparison, signs, psychology, test
We have indicated above the symptoms and signs of such a feeling as love. Therefore, we will not go deeper again. Let's talk about affection, which is also often confused with love. Falling in love applies more to schoolchildren and teenagers, but affection is more typical for those partners who have managed to live together.
- In general, affection is a feeling of closeness that is based on sympathy or love. As you can see, all these feelings are very closely interconnected.
- In a couple where there is affection, one always gives and the other receives. That is, one loves, and the other turns his cheek.
- Attacks of jealousy are also more related to affection. The desire to control and completely personally possess a partner does not speak of love at all. Therefore, there is excessive control. There is always room for trust in love!
- Fear. An important indicator, since an attached person is afraid of losing a partner. Moreover, they are more concerned about material qualities. This is where the excessive attention comes from.
- Also, it is worth noting that there is no development of partners as individuals. That is, loving people can not only develop together, each can have their own hobby or hobby.
- And yet, affection, like falling in love, is based on external qualities.
- Let's also talk about distances. Attachment can initially lead to sadness, and then, on the contrary, cause a feeling of lightness and freedom.
Love or affection
Therefore, you can easily take a short test:
- Again, pay attention to what you like in a partner.
- How do you feel after a week off?
- You put your interests above those of your partner. Or vice versa?
- Now think about your partner’s shortcomings and your attitude towards them
Answer only honestly, and the conclusion can be drawn from the signs described above.
Acceptance of character and habits
It is impossible to find an ideal person or someone who has identical qualities. All couples have both common features and different, even opposite ones. It can be difficult to get along with some of the characteristics of a new partner. But loving people treat this as adequately as possible.
“You have disadvantages, but they are acceptable to me” - this is the phrase of a truly in love person. Why is that? He:
- clearly sees all the shortcomings and bad habits, and does not idealize the character, attributing non-existent qualities;
- does not try to change, “train”, re-educate, “correct” the partner;
- soberly evaluates negative traits, seriously considering whether he can continue to live normally with them.
If at least one of these three points is not realized, then other feelings are involved in such a couple - passion, love, dependence, worship, etc.
Ability to resolve conflicts
A relationship in which love arises is not a stage. There is no place for dramas, overblown tragedies, or acting skills. If such a couple has a problem, she prefers to solve everything peacefully. Peaceful means without throwing knives and plates, playing games of silence, visiting parents, throwing things over the balcony and screams that only the deaf cannot hear.
These partners will resolve conflicts through conversations, attempts to understand each other, and find a common mutually beneficial solution.
Another fact: the prerequisites for quarrels are inevitable. Two people, different in character, upbringing, views, trying to share housing, everyday life, will sometimes encounter differences and misunderstandings. This is fine. If there are no disagreements at all in a relationship, this means that people hush up their dissatisfaction or live not with the partner himself, but with invented fantasies about him.
Duration of relationship
Love is clearly not a feeling that arises in a couple of days. To say “I love” with confidence, you will first have to thoroughly study the person next to you. See how angry he gets, sad, what he does when he’s bored, who he calls first to share his joy. Right down to what dreams he has and what brand of toothbrush he prefers.
Only when many joyful and not so joyful situations have been experienced together, the strengths and weaknesses of the individual have been identified, can one think seriously about the cherished three-word phrase. Everything else up to this point is part of the imagination, which will evaporate as soon as life presents a serious test.
How true love differs from other feelings: psychology
We have indicated what the main features of each of the feelings are and how to recognize them. Therefore, we will not repeat ourselves, but simply summarize the information.
- Love is a feeling that arises gradually and after a certain time.
- A person is loved in the big picture, yes, for his soul (as they often say). No, external data is also important, but is not put in first place.
- Love includes friendship, passion, and spiritual intimacy.
- Love is not idealized like other feelings. A person is perceived with all the pros and cons. And they love him because he simply exists and is nearby.
- Love does not require constant presence (like falling in love), control (like affection), and at a distance or over time it does not pass or fade away (like infatuation).
The difference between love and other feelings
- In love, they always put their soul mate above their hobbies, comforts and even happiness. More precisely, for a loving person it is to ensure that the partner feels good.
- You can have your own entertainment, hobbies and even different friends. But this does not become a reason for jealousy and conflicts on this basis. This is what love is.
- We also don’t forget to pay attention to those around us. Love has enough time, attention, and even a piece of your happiness for everyone. Other feelings are simply fixated on one person until they go out. Or until they grow into something bigger and higher.
- And once again we will touch on the topic of conflicts. In love, quarrels become rare over time. Yes, the reason for this is that you perceive your partner entirely and completely, and with all the shortcomings. Moreover, solving them is also easier. Conversations are calmer, and compromise is easier to find.
Stability of feelings
How do quarrels with parents most often occur?
“I was offended, I feel bad, but I still love my mom and dad. If they suddenly get into trouble, I will come to the rescue, despite all the disagreements.”
How do quarrels happen between lovers who have recently found each other?
“Should we break up? What if this is not my person? Do I even need it? If he starts asking for help now, I’ll proudly turn around and leave. Let him get out on his own!”
Can you feel the difference? Love is a stable phenomenon. It doesn't go away, it doesn't diminish because of a few disagreements or problems. What disappears after the first difficulties is just a temporary hormonal surge, and not deep intimacy.
Development
Relationships between loving partners do not stand still. They are looking for new and better ways to cope with life's challenges, spend time together, and express feelings in different ways.
Moreover, love experiences do not overshadow other areas of life.
Are you familiar with the situation when a person’s thoughts are so occupied that it makes it impossible to work? Or communicate with friends for a long time without mentioning your object of adoration with or without reason? Or devote time to your own hobbies, not imagining how great it would be to do the same thing, but together?
This is love. It clouds your mind, distracts you from your work, and creates the impression that everything else doesn’t matter. And this is a mistake. Because all areas are equally significant. And it is true love that understands and accepts this fact.
Responsibility
If a loving man decides to stay with friends after work, he will definitely inform his wife about this. Not because of the “heel”. But because he understands: his wife will worry about his long absence. Or perhaps she will wait a long time, not going to bed or having dinner without him.
If a girl wants to buy herself another dress, realizing that the budget is limited and her boyfriend urgently needs a new shirt, she will hold off on buying her item. Because he knows: she still has several dresses, but his old clothes are no longer good for anything and clearly require updating.
To love means to accept responsibility for the feelings and well-being of your partner.
The actions of a loving person do not contradict the main principles of her couple. She respects the opinion of her loved one and always takes him into account. “Will I hurt you?”, “Will this be good for us?”, even “How will this affect his/her image?” — phrases that indicate love.
How to distinguish love from feelings of friendship: comparison, signs, psychology, test
They say that there is never a feeling of friendship between a man and a woman. We will not go too deep into this issue, since this is a “sick” and eternal topic of debate. Perhaps someone's friendship develops into love. Or maybe someone’s feeling of sympathy, on the contrary, will destroy a friendship in a few years. We will consider an example when there is only spiritual intimacy (that is, friendship) or the desire for the body (love) already appears.
- How you behave. If it’s easy and relaxed, you’re not afraid to make yourself look funny, then there’s only friendship between you. No, no one experiences tension in love either, but it comes with age. Communication goes to another level, and it is different from all other friendly relationships.
- There should be no place for jealousy in friendship. You easily communicate with the passion of a friend (girlfriend) or you can simply discuss the person you like. And no negativity. That is, a person specifically does not want to show his passion in a bad light. Of course, unless circumstances really require it.
- Care. No, friends also take care of each other, but lovers do it differently. You cannot allow your loved one to snack on dry meats or junk food (or drink a lot of alcohol), but a friend will sit down for such a meal with you.
- Review your time apart. How often do you think about a friend, but think about who he is doing with and what? Friends don’t have such questions. They live their own lives.
- How do you feel about your friend’s criticism of you? As a rule, a loving person wants to show his best side. Of course, it’s too early to talk about deep love, but its initial stage will not allow you to listen to reproaches or even humorous barbs addressed to you. A friend’s words are perceived more easily, moreover, you can even laugh at them together.
Distinguishing love from friendship
Of course, you can endlessly consider examples of love and friendship, but to understand your feelings, the above five points are enough.
Falling in love or mental disorder?
Anyone who has experienced falling in love or suffered from unrequited feelings has probably more than once caught himself thinking about mental illness or the development of manic dependence on an object. This is partly true! No matter how strange and frightening it may sound, psychotherapists, studying chemical reactions in lovers, compared the indicators with patients who are being treated in a mental hospital.
Judging by the signs of a man in love, love resembles drug addiction and neurotic disorders. How not to be upset by unrequited love or not sleep at night if the object of passion does not pay attention and spends time with others? No matter how frightening the doctors’ conclusions may sound, everyone wants to experience all the signs of falling in love at absolutely any age and immerse themselves in the world of sweet dreams and daydreams.